BigDeal Podcast with Codie Sanchez

Episode: Stop Spiraling—The 4-Step Check-In That Resets Your Mind | Gabrielle Bernstein

Date: January 22, 2026

Overview

This episode features an intimate, practical, and motivating conversation between host Codie Sanchez and renowned spiritual teacher and author Gabrielle Bernstein. The primary theme explores how to break out of negative mental loops (“spiraling”), reclaim personal power, and manifest lasting change in business and life. Gabrielle introduces her four-step check-in methodology, rooted in internal family systems (IFS) therapy, as a powerful tool to reset mindset, cultivate self-compassion, and foster sustainable success—without relentless striving.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Energy Before Achievement

• Gabrielle emphasizes prioritizing one’s own energy and alignment before “reaching and striving” for external goals. Pushing too hard blocks true momentum and joy.

  • “If you're reaching and reaching and thirsty and striving, you are blocking and you're just going to feel like a hamster and a wheel and you're never going to be able to attract it.” (00:00, Gabrielle Bernstein)

• Codie sets the stage: The most profound change comes from changing the person you are, not just ticking off bigger goals.

  • “It's not becoming a millionaire or successful that's important. It's the person you have to become in order to become successful.” (00:27, Cody Sanchez)

2. The Problem with “Big Goals” Out of Alignment

• Lowering the Bar to Build Confidence:

  • Gabrielle recommends scaling goals to a believable, achievable level to avoid getting stuck in self-doubt or “hamster wheel” striving. Big dreams are not abandoned, but the path is broken down into “mini wins” that reinforce self-worth and momentum.
    • “We should set a goal that is on the way to that [big] desire… set a step that feels achievable.” (02:03, Gabrielle Bernstein)
    • "Add up those small right actions daily—start to become the big wins." (03:01)

• Codie acknowledges her pushy nature and how she struggles to avoid perfectionism and relentless goal pursuit. (03:58, Cody)

3. How to Break a Spiraling Mind-Pattern

• Gabrielle’s Visualization Technique:

  • Identifies, processes, and releases troubling thoughts as a concrete, visual act.
    • “Take the story, put it in a little ball, and send that story out… visualize sending the story away…” (04:12, Gabrielle Bernstein)
  • For herself and her son: after releasing the “story,” they reach for a “next best feeling thought.”

• Next Steps After Release:

  • Focus on sensory or simple pleasures (“my sheets are really good,” “I’m excited for coffee”), or allow yourself to meditate.
    • “There's no amount of pushing yourself is going to help you get unstuck.” (05:42, Gabrielle Bernstein)

• Codie recaps: Visualize releasing the issue, time-bound it ("just for today"), and create emotional separation.

  • “It gives you an emotional sort of separation from the idea.” (07:18, Cody)

• Gabrielle adds: Forgive yourself for having the thought—this is all about surrender, not over-control.

  • “I forgive myself for having that thought. And then I can pick the next best feeling thought or put it in the bubble… they're all really an act of surrender.” (07:36, Gabrielle Bernstein)

4. The Foundations of Manifesting

• Manifesting Isn’t Fluffy—It's Practical and Constant:

  • “We're always manifesting, whether we… even when we don't think we are, we're manifesting oftentimes what we don't want… you attract your likeness.” (11:30, Gabrielle Bernstein)
  • Your attitude and energy are contagious—both scientifically and spiritually.
    • “If you're putting out frantic energy, you're gonna get more frantic experiences… Boomerang that loving energy and that reflection right back to me.” (12:00)

• Manifesting as a Daily Choice:

  • “It's not what we experience, it's how we experience it… Those steps towards that better frequency… can completely redirect what you attract into your life.” (13:36, Gabrielle)

5. The Science and Faith Behind Emotional Energy

• Neuroscience, Quantum Physics & Faith:
  • Codie shares research about the microbiome being contagious, paralleling emotional energy.
    • “Even if you and I never share a drink… our energy is certainly contagious.” (16:12, Cody)
  • Gabrielle adds: “Quantum physics is really all the research on how our energetic frequency affects other energetic frequencies… we have these frequencies…” (16:44, Gabrielle)

6. The Four-Step Check-In: IFS Therapy for Self-Compassion

Gabrielle distills the Internal Family Systems (IFS) methodology into a four-step practice for transforming negative patterns:

1. Choose to Check In:
   • When triggered, don't check out or distract. Instead, turn inward.
2. Become Curious:
   • Ask where you feel the activated part in your body, what it wants you to know.
3. Compassion:
   • Ask the part of you what it needs (“rest,” “play,” etc.). These are often childlike needs.
4. Check for Self-Energy:
   • After connecting, find feelings of compassion, calm, clarity—your “inner parent” energy.

“The four steps are based on IFS… Choose to check in… Become curious… Compassion… Check for self-energy. When we check in with those parts and we feel that energy… we know that we've brought self energy to help the part.” (30:38–32:55, Gabrielle Bernstein)

7. Using the Check-In with Partners and in Relationships

• Don’t Force Your Partner—Lead By Example:
  • “You don't at first… master the art of self help for yourself because… the energy you put out, you get back.” (33:50, Gabrielle)
• Boundaries Arise Naturally from Compassion, Not Rage:
  • “A real boundary comes when you have so much self-compassion and love that you literally have zero capacity anymore to put up with the crap.” (39:22, Gabrielle)
• On being criticized or attacked:
  • “I am now able to look at that person in the eye and say, this isn't for me. Or I'm able to say, I'm gonna step away right now. This doesn't feel right for me.” (40:08, Gabrielle)

8. Unpacking Internal Family Systems (IFS)

• IFS Defined:
  • “A way of befriending the parts of yourselves that hold you back… rather than shunning them.” (22:22, Gabrielle)
  • Codie and Gabrielle share personal stories on how their “protector parts” shaped their lives, and practical examples for recognizing these parts in everyday stress or conflict.

9. Therapy, Coaches & the Role of AI

• How to Spot a Good Therapist:
  • “Do they make you feel safe? Do I feel like I can open up? Do they have genuine compassion for me?... If they're self-led, then that energy will help you heal.” (45:40, Gabrielle)
• On Therapy vs. AI Tools:
  • “If you don't have the resources… use AI. I'm not against it at all… But nothing is better than the real experience in person.” (49:41–51:18, Gabrielle)
  • Both discuss the power and potential pitfalls of AI life coaching (e.g., ego-stroking, emotional attachment).

10. Purpose, Flow, and Manifesting in Business and Life

• Naming Your Year & Setting Intentions:
  • Codie shares her ritual of choosing a single word or theme for the year (“flow” one year, “abundance” the next).
• Gabrielle Channels for Codie—Embracing Maternal, Abundant Energy:
  • On moving from “crushing” and “pushing” to “receiving”—especially for businesswomen and aspiring mothers.
    • “The old energy of crush it, push it, that actually can't coexist with birthing or receiving…” (59:41, Gabrielle channelling)

“You can do less and attract more and it's safe to slow down and it's safe to invest in yourself. The sooner you learn that, the more success you'll receive.” (63:55, Gabrielle Bernstein)

11. Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Codie, on transformation:

  • “If they don’t have their mental capacity right… then it’s actually quite hard to attract all the rest.” (09:31)

• Gabrielle, channeling on abundance:

  • “Enjoy the fruits of your labor. The old energy of crush it, push it... can’t coexist with birthing or receiving. Right. You need to get yourself into the receptive energy.” (59:41)

• On relationships and boundaries:

  • “Stop blaming the narcissist and look at why you were a match for the narcissist.” (35:55, Gabrielle)

• On IFS as a life practice:

  • “You go first. The person listening here, you go first. You tend to your parts.” (33:50, Gabrielle)

• On manifesting as a practice:

  • “We're always manifesting—whether we… even when we don't think we are… you attract your likeness.” (11:30, Gabrielle)

12. Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–03:58: Setting the theme; energy and self-before-goals
• 04:12–07:32: How to stop spiraling—visualization tactics
• 09:09–13:30: How manifesting really works in daily life and business
• 16:12–18:06: Science touches spirituality—energy contagion & quantum physics
• 22:22–27:14: Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy explained
• 30:38–32:55: The Four-Step Check-In process revealed
• 33:50–35:35: Boundaries, relationships, and the power of leading by example
• 39:19–41:33: Communicating boundaries and living self-led
• 45:45–47:16: Good vs. bad therapists and coaching
• 54:48–56:31: Gabrielle’s new psychic/medium podcast format, “Dear Gabby”
• 59:30–62:38: Codie’s word of the year, and Gabrielle’s channeled message on abundance and receiving

Takeaways for Listeners

• Stop the spiral: Use visualization, forgiveness, and “next best feeling thoughts” to change your inner narrative.
• You manifest constantly: Align your energy first, break down big desires into actionable steps, and focus on your state of being.
• Boundaries and transformation start with you: Compassion and self-attunement, not external blame, drive real, lasting change.
• Invest in yourself: The permission to slow down, invest, and attract—not just ‘hustle’—yields greater impact and fulfillment.
• Therapy, coaching, and even AI are tools—but safety, compassion, and curiosity are the standards for choosing any support.

Final Message

“You can do less and attract more and it's safe to slow down and it's safe to invest in yourself. The sooner you learn that, the more success you'll receive.”
—Gabrielle Bernstein (63:55)

For more from Gabrielle, find her on Instagram, YouTube, and check out her “Dear Gabby” podcast and latest book on Internal Family Systems and self-help.