BiggerPockets Money Podcast: Episode 157 – The Money Date: What Couples Should (& Shouldn't) Do to Align Finances

Release Date: December 31, 2024

In Episode 157 of the BiggerPockets Money Podcast, hosts Mindy Jensen and Scott Trench delve into a crucial aspect of financial harmony for couples: the "Money Date." This episode serves as an encore of one of their favorite discussions, offering listeners a comprehensive guide on how to effectively align finances with their partners. Whether you're seeking financial independence or aiming to optimize your monetary strategies as a couple, this episode provides invaluable insights and practical steps to foster financial unity and success.

1. Introduction: The Importance of a Financial Plan Together

The episode opens with Mindy Jensen emphasizing the significance of setting financial goals for the upcoming year. She states, “It’s half the battle to make sure you have a financial plan. But is your partner on the same page?” (00:00). This sets the stage for a deep dive into how couples can collaboratively develop and execute a financial plan that aligns with both partners' aspirations.

2. Understanding the Money Date

Scott Trench introduces the concept of a "Money Date," highlighting its prevalence among successful couples interviewed on the show. He notes, “Most of the couples we speak to have a regularly scheduled time to sit down with their partner and discuss their financial situation” (01:09). However, he points out that while many couples practice it, there's often a lack of structured guidance on conducting these meetings effectively.

3. Setting Up the Money Date

a. Choosing the Right Time and State of Mind

One of the foundational elements of a successful Money Date is conducting it in a "peak state." Scott explains, “If you're dragging your partner along and they're not, you’re going to set mediocre goals” (02:15). Achieving a peak state involves selecting a time when both partners are relaxed and energized, such as after a morning coffee or light exercise, rather than after a stressful day or an argument. Mindy shares her personal peak and unpeak states, emphasizing the importance of timing: “My peak state is probably right after I've gotten up, I've had my coffee and I am relaxed and ready to go” (03:48).

b. Avoiding Accusations and Fostering Collaboration

Mindy underscores the necessity of approaching the Money Date without blame: “If you are listening to this without your spouse, you are the one who wants to make changes to your financial situation. Accusing your spouse... is not the right way to get buy-in” (05:34). The conversation should be framed as a joint effort to improve the financial landscape together, ensuring it remains non-confrontational and cooperative.

c. Preparing Homework and Creating a Vision

Preparation is key. Scott advises couples to come prepared with their own financial data and a vision for their future: “Drive the meeting yourself and come prepared with your homework and your plans to your initial stab at painting a vision for the future together” (07:38). Mindy adds that each partner should independently prepare their vision: “Prepare a vision for your family during the money date. You're going to compare those visions” (16:21). This ensures that both partners have clear, individual aspirations that can be harmonized during the discussion.

4. Conducting the Money Date

a. Tracking Spending and Net Worth

Before the Money Date, couples should meticulously track their spending and assess their net worth. Scott recommends going back at least six months to understand average spending patterns: “If you can get that much data... that will give you the most, I think, complete picture of what you're really spending on an average basis” (11:12). Mindy emphasizes reviewing this data without judgment to identify patterns and areas for improvement: “Once you have tracked your spending, go back and review where your money's going, and you will start to see patterns” (13:06).

b. Simplifying Budget Categories

To make the review manageable, Scott suggests categorizing expenses into five to seven major buckets: “Bucket your spending into no more than, let's call it five to seven major categories” (14:28). Mindy concurs, adding that while an overall picture is beneficial, detailed categorization allows for pinpointing specific areas to cut back on: “When you're starting to look at where you can cut, you definitely want to go in and nitpick everything” (15:26).

c. Setting a Vision for the Future

Mindy advises each partner to prepare a vision for the family's financial future, covering aspects like living arrangements, lifestyle, and major goals: “Prepare a vision for the family... What do you see yourself in five years?” (16:21). Scott complements this by recommending concise, written visions that outline day-to-day life and long-term aspirations: “Don’t write pages and pages... just do something that's like two or three paragraphs” (17:44).

d. Scheduling the Meeting

Choosing a dedicated time without distractions is crucial. Mindy suggests opting for quiet evenings or weekends, ensuring both partners are free from interruptions: “Make sure your spouse is available at that time. Don’t force them into anything” (20:08). Scott adds that aligning the meeting with the partner's peak state enhances effectiveness: “Bias towards your partner's peak time whenever they're going to be feeling really good” (21:34).

e. Creating an Agenda

Having a clear agenda keeps the conversation focused. Scott proposes a simple three-point agenda: alignment on vision, setting achievable goals, and establishing a regular review cadence: “It might be three points. It might be get alignment on your vision... set a cadence for regular money dates” (23:25). Mindy recommends writing the agenda on paper to ensure transparency and engagement: “Write this down on a piece of paper so it’s not your computer screen that they can’t see” (23:16).

5. Implementing and Maintaining Financial Alignment

a. Setting Achievable Goals

The hosts stress the importance of setting realistic, small-scale goals that are easier to implement and sustain. Mindy advises against drastic, immediate changes which can be overwhelming: “Small changes are going to give you the best opportunity for that success” (27:38). Scott echoes this by cautioning against creating an unsustainable plan driven by initial enthusiasm: “If you can do something that’s sustainable, you’re going to be much more successful in the long run” (32:44).

b. Regular Check-ins and Reviews

Establishing a regular meeting schedule ensures continuous progress and accountability. Mindy recommends starting with weekly or monthly dates to keep the momentum: “If you're first starting out, a weekly or monthly date is going to have better success for you” (35:10). Scott adds that these check-ins can be brief, focusing on progress and adjusting goals as needed: “It can just be a small check-in to keep you on track and reset” (37:14).

c. Positive Reinforcement and Reward Systems

Acknowledging each other's successes fosters a supportive environment. Mindy suggests praising your partner’s achievements while constructively addressing personal setbacks: “Praise your partner’s successes while kind of highlighting your failures” (35:48). Scott advises integrating reward systems that motivate both partners without derailing financial goals: “What is it that you like and how do you make sure that those are granted as you move towards those goals” (37:56).

6. Tools and Resources

To aid couples in their financial planning, Scott and Mindy recommend several resources:

• Worksheets and Templates: Available for download at biggerpockets.com/moneyshow157, these include financial tracking sheets and goal-setting templates.

• Books:

  • The Miracle Morning Millionaires by Hal Elrod and David Osborne
  • The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale
  • Living Your Best Year Ever by Darren Hardy
  • The 12 Week Year
  • BiggerPockets Intention Journal

• Online Communities: Engaging with supportive communities such as the BiggerPockets Money Facebook group, Mustachians, ChooseFI, and FinCon can provide additional motivation and accountability.

7. Conclusion: Embracing the Money Date for Financial Success

Mindy and Scott wrap up by reiterating the core principles of a successful Money Date: setting it in a positive atmosphere, coming prepared, maintaining regular communication, and focusing on incremental progress. They encourage listeners to share their Money Date successes and seek support within the BiggerPockets community.

As Scott aptly summarizes, “Focus on progress, not perfection” (49:49). By adhering to these guidelines, couples can cultivate a harmonious financial partnership, paving the way for sustained wealth growth and mutual financial independence.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Mindy Jensen [00:00]:
  “It’s half the battle to make sure you have a financial plan. But is your partner on the same page?”

• Scott Trench [01:09]:
  “Most of the couples we speak to have a regularly scheduled time to sit down with their partner and discuss their financial situation.”

• Mindy Jensen [05:34]:
  “Accusing your partner... is not the right way to get buy-in.”

• Scott Trench [14:28]:
  “Bucket your spending into no more than, let's call it five to seven major categories.”

• Mindy Jensen [13:06]:
  “It is so eye opening.”

• Mindy Jensen [23:25]:
  “Write this down on a piece of paper so it’s not your computer screen that they can’t see.”

• Scott Trench [35:10]:
  “If you're first starting out, a weekly or monthly date is going to have better success for you.”

• Mindy Jensen [37:14]:
  “Highlight your spouse's successes.”

Final Thoughts

Episode 157 of the BiggerPockets Money Podcast offers a thorough blueprint for couples aiming to synchronize their financial goals and strategies. By instituting regular Money Dates, approaching financial discussions with empathy and preparation, and leveraging available resources, couples can navigate their financial journeys together with clarity and mutual support. Mindy and Scott’s practical advice ensures that listeners are well-equipped to foster a strong financial partnership, ultimately leading to sustained wealth and financial independence.

For more insights and resources, visit biggerpockets.com/moneyshow157.