The Unapologetic Mother: Dr. Karla Lee on Power, Parenting & Presence

Summary

Podcast Summary: BILFPOD

Episode: The Unapologetic Mother: Dr. Karla Lee on Power, Parenting & Presence
Host: Mara Dorne
Guest: Dr. Karla Lee
Date: February 12, 2026

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode centers on unapologetic motherhood, personal and professional reinvention, and embracing authenticity. Host Mara Dorne chats with Dr. Karla Lee, pharmacist-turned-content creator and advocate, exploring her life journey, motherhood’s messy reality, and the importance of separating shame from behavior to achieve freedom and happiness. The discussion is candid, humorous, and relatable, embracing the chaos of family and work while challenging the expectations placed on women.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dr. Karla Lee’s Journey: From Pharmacy to Advocacy

• Background & Education
  • Karla shares how her early aspiration to be a pharmacist was pushed by family, especially her mother’s insistence (01:37). She attended Auburn University, driven partly by wanting to stay near her boyfriend (now husband).
• Career in Hospice Care
  • Found deep fulfillment in hospice pharmacy work:

    “It is such a privilege and honor to be in conversations around someone’s transition.” (03:32)

  • Emphasizes the positivity and meaning in hospice, countering common assumptions about sadness (05:04).
• Corporate Challenges & Resilience
  • Describes experiencing workplace bias and a toxic superior at United Healthcare/Optum, leading to her internal transfer (07:11–11:45).
  • Explains advocating for employees, aiming to say “yes” and help people access their benefits (12:03–13:16).

2. The Realities of Motherhood

• Rejecting Perfection
  • Karla's content began from a desire for honesty about the chaos of motherhood, in contrast to “Instagram motherhood” (13:32; 13:53).
  • Both she and Mara discuss never achieving “balance”—always just prioritizing and “winging it.” (14:51–15:01)
• Relatable Parenting Moments
  • Talk of scrambling through daily life, mismatching kids’ outfits, and feeling like “a mom in a boat with holes constantly.” (15:01–15:38)
  • Acknoledger of chaos with three kids, siblings’ rivalries, and different parenting for each child by birth order (16:03–17:53).
• Navigating Technology & Modern Childhood
  • Confessing to less control over youngest kids’ screen time and digital exposures (19:01–19:45).

3. Content Creation, Authenticity, and Community

• Origin of Karla’s Platform
  • Sought a safe space to express motherhood’s truths, feeling her support system sometimes dismissed her feelings due to “privilege." (19:51–20:25)
  • Yearned for her mom’s presence and emotional support, beyond material or practical help (20:44–20:51).
• Shame and Behavior
  • Addresses shame as a barrier to personal freedom and authenticity:

    “Once you separate yourself from being ashamed of any behavior, good or bad, you are free.” (43:57)

  • Discusses cultural pressure for mothers to be only grateful and not vocal about their simultaneous stress. (14:05, 13:53)
• Imposter Syndrome
  • Both reflect on “imposter syndrome” as presenting a perfect surface while struggling below, like “a duck paddling frantically under the water.” (24:14–24:55)

4. Advocacy in Parenting and Schooling

• Fighting for Neurodivergent Kids
  • Karla details her commitment to public schools for her neurodivergent children due to the support structures private schools lack (504, IEPs). (25:21–26:29)
  • Shares stories of advocating assertively at the school board level, balancing self-doubt and determination (26:29–29:22).
• Cultural Double-Standards & Gender Roles
  • They discuss societal tags like “rude” or “aggressive” when women are assertive, contrasting responses if a man made requests (40:13–41:39).
  • Both are comfortable with some gender roles at home but emphasize partnership and fair division of labor (41:13–42:43).

5. Finding & Defining Purpose Beyond Titles

• Vision for the Future
  • Karla’s dream is to foster a community of “unapologetically high maintenance women,” who know their value, ask for what they deserve, and refuse to be shamed for high standards (39:32–40:23).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Chaos of Motherhood:

  “I can be insanely grateful for the three kids, but then also feel like I have too many kids. My motherhood doesn't look like that.” — Dr. Karla Lee (00:02, 13:53)

• On Authenticity and Freedom:

  “Once you separate yourself from being ashamed of any behavior, good or bad, you are free.” — Dr. Karla Lee (00:16, 43:57)

• On the Myth of Having It All Together:

  “When you see a duck on the water, it's like gliding smoothly. But if you ever had a camera to go underneath, they're like fighting for their life.” — Dr. Karla Lee (24:14)

• On Imposter Syndrome:

  “Everybody's swimming the same way… Everybody's feet are moving two times faster than their bodies.” — Dr. Karla Lee (24:29)

• On Building Community:

  “My big vision for myself is to build a community of women that are unapologetically high maintenance… that will walk into any room and expect the best because they deserve it.” — Dr. Karla Lee (39:32)

• On Gender Norms at Home:

  “I do believe in gender roles… at the heart of a family someone has to be that nurturing side.” — Dr. Karla Lee (41:41)

• On Letting Go of Shame:

  “No mistake that I've made reflects on me as a person; it's just like, where I was at the time, I made the best decision with the information I had.” — Dr. Karla Lee (22:19)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [01:37] — Karla’s path into pharmacy and family influences
• [03:32] — Positivity in hospice work
• [07:11–11:45] — Workplace injustice & internal career moves
• [13:32–16:20] — Honest motherhood, chaos, and the myth of balance
• [19:51–22:19] — Building a truthful platform, privilege and pain, destigmatizing behavioral shame
• [24:14–24:55] — “Duck on the water” analogy, imposter syndrome
• [25:21–29:22] — School advocacy, being a “difficult parent,” advocating for children
• [39:32–40:23] — Vision: "Unapologetically high-maintenance women”
• [43:57] — Dr. Lee’s advice: Shame vs. behavior

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Closing Advice

“My biggest piece of advice would be to address the connection that your mind draws between your behavior and shame. Once you separate yourself from being ashamed of any behavior, good or bad, you are free.” — Dr. Karla Lee (43:57)

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Where to Find Dr. Karla Lee

• Blog: threelittlelee.com
• Social: TikTok, Instagram, Threads, Facebook — @ThreeLittleLee

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This episode is a must-listen for any parent, working woman, or anyone interested in the messy, wonderful struggle of showing up authentically in all parts of life. Dr. Karla Lee embodies the “Boss I’d Like To Follow” spirit—real, unfiltered, dedicated, and driven to lift herself and others up.

Transcript

[A]

I can be insanely grateful for the three kids, but then also feel like I have too many kids. My motherhood doesn't look like that.

[B]

No.

[A]

I'm very blessed, but I'm also, like, stressed out sometimes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Address the connection that your mind draws between your behavior and shame. Once you separate yourself from being ashamed of any behavior, good or bad, you are free.

[B]

Welcome back to the bilfpod, where authenticity trumps authority. My name is Mara Dorn, and I am the host of the Bill Pod. And if you haven't already hit that, like, subscribe and obviously, come on, tell a friend. But today's guest is very, very special. Really A jack of all trades. She's a pharmacist by trade, but her real passion is now content creation, which is super exciting. We have so many parallels. And she is right now unapologetically who she is. And you know what? I love that for her. So welcome to the show. I'm super, super excited to have you. Are you so excited?

[A]

I'm so excited to be here. I literally, when your team reached out, I was like, they want to talk to me.

[B]

Yes, Ms. Carla, we want to talk to you. Welcome, girl. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

So we are going to dive in. I know that you are a pharmacist by trade, which is super cool, but we've already decided that we're not going to talk about that. We're going to talk about. Well, we can talk a little bit about that. Just tell us a little bit about your background and. And where, you know, what school you came from and, like, what made you get into the pharmacy field.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Become a pharmacist, I should say.

[A]

So I went to Auburn University. That's where I met my husband. And I told my 10th grade chemistry teacher that I wanted to be a pharmacist. And she really, you know, mentored me and all of that. I made the mistake of telling my mom, and she wouldn't let it go, even when I tried to change. You know, maybe I want to be a nurse or maybe I want to be an actuary. Like, I just had all of these ideas in college, and my mom would always be like, no, you said you were going to be a pharmacist. So when I got through, like, my fourth year of undergrad, my boyfriend at the time still had another year, and it was going to be like, well, if I don't go to pharmacy school, my parents are going to make me go home because, you know, they were paying for me to be in school. So if I'M not in school, I've got to go. And so I said, well, I'll just sign up for pharmacy school just so I can stay in Auburn another year. Problem is pharmacy school was four years and my boyfriend was only there for one. Oh no. So long story short, I mean we went long distance, made it work and we're now married for 16 years. But at the time it was just kind of a short sighted way to get to stay at Auburn, which is to me the best school in the country, the most fun college campus that you could ever be on. And I just wanted to be there.

[B]

I can resonate. I have basically the same type of story. My mom wanted me a lawyer, me to be a lawyer. And she would not let up on this. Made me get my bachelor's degree in IT in pre law and then I went on to get my master's degree in criminal justice and would not let this go.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I did do that, but I didn't go to law school because I mean the economy and I'll tell you that after, but same thing, like she was not letting this go.

[A]

I bet today, to this day she's probably like, mara, you sure you don't want to go back to law?

[B]

No, she's like, you know, there's still time for you. Who doesn't want a nice Jewish lawyer?

[A]

Like that's.

[B]

No, no. She is happy for, she's definitely happy for me, so. She is definitely happy for me, but. So you did go on to become a pharmacist.

[A]

Went on to become a pharmacist. Worked in a couple of different areas but ended up with United Healthcare Sloptum. I worked for hospice services for nine years, which a lot of people hear that and think it's so sad, but it was honestly some of the best years of my life. It is such a privilege and an honor to be in the conversations around someone's transition. And I really took that job to heart. It was not something that I felt heavy or dark around. I really felt a lot of joy in being able to contribute to peace and peaceful transitions for people. And then maybe about two years ago I transferred to another part, same company, and now I'm in advocacy for the company. I work in population health and I just advocate for the employees to help them manage, you know, the things, manage the system, navigate different processes so that my goal is to be able to say yes. You know, insurance companies like to say, no, no, we can't do this, no, we can't do that. And when people talk to Me, they know if there's anything I can do to get us to a yes, I'm going to do it.

[B]

America must love that you just said that right now because of all the controversy and everybody's opinions about what's going on, whether they're getting the subsidies and the customer service. And it is really a breath of fresh air to know that people are really advoc for consumers because there's so many horror stories. But I love what you said because when I think of hospice, that is like some. I don't even like to say the word, but you really just gave me another perspective of looking at it. Like it is such a nice. You're there, you're. That was. That was really good.

[A]

Yeah. And it's honestly one of those things. I mean, we could talk on and on and on about hospice, but it's a privilege to be able to have that conversation about hospice because so many times think about it, people just go. There was no warning. There was no opportunity to honor their wishes or consider what they would like or want in a situation. So to even be offered that opportunity, even though it is representing in some ways a sad, sad process, it is honestly a good way to bring some joy. That's nice in that area. So that is something that I kind of missed just a little bit. I think they sold the hospice division after I left. But I did love working in hospice and now.

[B]

And then. How did you end up here in Orlando?

[A]

So when my husband retired, we were in California, then Detroit. When my husband retired, he wanted to come back to Florida, and that was always kind of the goal. He's from Miami originally, but we didn't want to go to Miami. And at the time, I don't know if you remember, I don't know how long you've been here. Air Tranquil.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Had direct flights from here to Huntsville, which is where I'm from. So we wanted to be in Florida and I thought, Orlando, I have an uncle here, they have direct flights. Let's move there. And so we moved here and probably six months later, the airline pulled out.

[B]

Oh, really nice.

[A]

Yeah. We just got direct flights back to Huntsville.

[B]

You can't drive there, though. The drive is long. It's long, it's long, it's long. But you can.

[A]

My parents are actually doing it next week.

[B]

Oh, there you go. What is it, like a 10 hour drive?

[A]

10 hours.

[B]

I've done the drive.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I do know the drive. Don't do it in the cold, though. That was really scary. I did it down the mountains. It was a little cold, it was a little icy.

[A]

My limit is probably four hours in the car.

[B]

Done.

[A]

If it's more than four hours, I gotta fly. And if I can't fly, I'm not going.

[B]

Okay, so fair enough.

[A]

That's how it goes.

[B]

So, okay, so now you come to Orlando, you're in. You're doing hospice. Then how do you transition over? At what point do you say, all right, I'm going to trans transition over and work for United Healthcare.

[A]

So that's all one big company.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

You know Optum. UnitedHealthcare. Optum owns UnitedHealthcare, owns Optum. So it's all one big company, so to speak. But essentially, I started looking for another job even though I loved hospice. I had a director of operations that was honestly just. She had it out for me from the very beginning. And I told this story on my platform. I think it's called Never Underestimate a Black Woman with Receipts.

[B]

I'm dead. That is hilarious.

[A]

I had a whole series about it. But in short, I was hired sight unseen by this company. This is before COVID and before interviews were virtual and all that. Anyway, it was a phone interview with this company and I got the job, but they were based out of Ohio, so they brought us up for training. And when I walked in the room, it's like they were surprised. Mouths dropped, Mouths dropped. And it was snowing. It was like four counterparts at the time. And they had us sharing a rental car. And I was much younger, like, I wasn't the. The boss that I am now. I'm just, like, happy to be here, like, you know, not really reading the room and we're sharing this rental car. But based on my life experiences, my parents always told me, do not get behind the wheel of a rental that is not yours. If your name is not on that rental car, you are not to drive it. And that's just what I grew up.

[B]

Same here.

[A]

Knowing and believing. And so we had this one rental car. It was in my counterpart's name, but they wanted me to drive it somewhere. And so.

[B]

It sounds sketchy already.

[A]

Exactly. So I'm talking to the logistics person who has arranged this, and I'm letting her know, like, hey, what are we going to do about this rental car? Because I don't have a car. It was probably, I don't know, 12 years ago. So before rideshare was what it is now.

[B]

Right.

[A]

The story almost sounds insane now because.

[B]

Like, now I'm really interested.

[A]

So now I'm really young you would lift there. That wasn't like the everyday.

[B]

So they're forcing you to drive this car.

[A]

So they were trying to force me to drive this car. I said no. And then from there she had it out for me. She did some of the most insane things. Like she would email me.

[B]

So is this a white lady that's doing this to you?

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

Say it like it is. Say, don't hold back.

[A]

So I call her a cat lady. Like just an old miserable. Well, she's not old, but just a miserable person that would just. She would send me emails that would give me anxiety because there would be no greeting, like, you know, not a good morning or a hello. It would just be, you know, and then when I would ask her questions, she would be very, you know, curt. And, you know, I was just like, okay. And it's so funny because when I would do my performance evaluations with my boss, I would discuss like my communication with her and I would really take ownership of it and say, okay, next year my goal is to communicate with her better or to communicate with her more. I thought that communication was going to solve the conflict and it just essentially made it worse. And everything came to a head. Thanksgiving one year and there was a scheduling mix up that was not my fault. Long story, but scheduling mix up. She ends up calling me and laying into me, telling me I'm the worst pharmacist on the team, that other pharmacists run circles around me, which completely took me off guard because I had just done a performance review and I was among the best. And so I'm talking to my boss and letting him know, like, how this made me feel, because culturally that's a thing we're always told. We have to be better, we have to be among the best. So for her to tell me that, I think I took that a lot harder than maybe other people would. And I wanted to understand it, like, what are her grounds for saying this?

[B]

What's going on?

[A]

And I never got any answers. I never got any answers. It came to a head maybe like a year after that because I actually took her to hr and you know, HR was very diplomatic. They didn't tell me what they said or what they did, but that they had fixed it. And there was a company wide meeting and I was not invited.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

She did all the invites and I'm like emailing like, hey, my team has invites and I don't like what's going on. No response, no response, no response. And that was kind of, how was it for you? I kind of sorta. I mean, I stayed until I had something else lined up, but I was definitely looking internally within the company to make sure that I could get away from, you know, the toxic environment and just have a fresh start. And it's just a shame, though, because I really did love what I did.

[B]

And this one woman pushed you out.

[A]

Yeah. You know what they say, I think, personally, that I was good at it. You know, really just made a lot of connections with a lot of people.

[B]

That's so sad. And people quit the leader before they quit the team all the time.

[A]

They do.

[B]

So then you ended up going into another section of the company, which is.

[A]

Perfect for my skill set.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

You know, like advocacy and population health. That's something that translates well into my overall thinking patterns. And so, you know, you go places.

[B]

Everything happens for a reason.

[A]

Everything happens for a reason. And, you know, you go places and people act like what you want is coming out of their paycheck. Yeah, I kind of feel that way at work sometimes. So I'm like, you know, if you need something and it's covered under your benefit, like, what are we talking about? You know what I mean? And so that's kind of how I approach work. And I think that's how I got the job, honestly, because I told them that I come from a place of yes. I don't like to hear the word no.

[B]

That is not a word that resonates.

[A]

So I don't want to tell anybody no. Now, that's not to say that everybody gets what they want. It's not Burger King. Right.

[B]

But you're going to accommodate as best as you possibly can.

[A]

Yeah. And I'm going to tell you what we can do. You know, like, we may not can do what you want, but here are some other options, or here are some ways that around this, or here are some things that we can try in order to get what we need. So I think even though I don't always get the desired outcome out of any given situation, no one can say I didn't work my hardest.

[B]

It seems like you give your heart and soul to everything you do. So now you're happy doing this.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But you also juggle being a mom of three children. So how. Let's talk about your kids, and then we'll go into the content creation and what you're doing now. So let's talk about your kids real quick.

[A]

I honestly started my platform wanting to be honest about the ministry of motherhood. It's just such a sexy, positive space. Like, you Go on Instagram and you see all of these, like, curated pictures, and you're like, no. And you're like, you know, my motherhood doesn't look like that.

[B]

No.

[A]

And that's okay. You know, there's a saying kind of in the community, like, too blessed to be stressed, but I'm both. Like, I'm very blessed, but I'm also, like, stressed out sometimes.

[B]

Yeah, me too.

[A]

And I want to be able to openly say that without the, oh, there's people that would love to be in your position and. Oh, you really shouldn't feel that way because there's, you know, other things going on. And it's like, well, I can walk and chew gum. Like, I can be insanely grateful for the three kids, but then also feel like I have too many kids.

[B]

Yeah, I. I agree with you. I also have three kids, and I feel like my. The way I describe my life is like I am in a boat that has holes constantly. And I'm trying to plug one hole because when. Like, when my personal life is doing good, my business life is falling. When my, you know, when my business life is doing, I'm getting calls from the teacher that my kid is saying inappropriate things and, you know, doing weird stuff at school. So I feel like that's how I'm always trying to plug one hole and then the other one is just dropping.

[A]

Yeah, you just never can get everything perfectly balanced. And then if you ever do, it's such an anxious period because you're waiting for that next thing to just.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know about that. I don't use the word balance. I, like, prioritize. It's like work, life, priority, whatever is working at the moment, just. Cause I feel like. I don't know if you feel like this. I feel like I'm just winging it most of the time. Right. My grandma always said children don't come with a set of directions, and neither does life. So I'm doing. I'm like, constantly winging it. I'm like the mom that's rolling up to the school, like, you know, papers coming out of the bag, you know, trying to get in there to take the pict. I never know what's going on, how the kid is supposed to be dressed. I once sent my kid to. We had, like, a religious function, and it was pajama night. And of course, I send my kid all dressed up. The rest of the kids are in the pajamas.

[A]

I know, I know.

[B]

Like, story of my life.

[A]

That's definitely me. I feel like, you Know, with the kids, it's always somebody needing you and needing your attention and just trying to be what each kid needs at any given time has, you know, has me on a swivel. I'm one of three. And I always told my mom, I just feel like there's one too many of us. Like, back seats aren't set up for three people. Airplane rides aren't set up for three people.

[B]

There's always a kid left out.

[A]

Cruises. Like, everything gets more complicated when you have that fifth person.

[B]

Yes, it's 100% true.

[A]

And so I wouldn't trade it, you know, for the world, but I think there's just this lack of reality around what it is to have three kids. It's just.

[B]

And then the age differentiation. Like, our kids are pretty widely spread out.

[A]

What were we thinking?

[B]

I don't know. I really thought I was gonna go for number three. And, like, this was gonna be great, except I had my Last one. My two were my 20s, and my third was in my 30s.

[A]

Same, same.

[B]

I don't know what I was thinking because my patience level is non existent at this point.

[A]

That's funny, because my oldest says that my youngest gets, like, the best version of me. Like, the most gentle version of me. I'm more.

[B]

I'm definitely more lenient and gentle, and I'll let anything go. Like, this kid eats and does whatever he wants. As far like, the other ones, I just look at them, like, give them one of those. They're like, this. My other one, the littlest one's like, why are you staring at me like that? Like, what are you looking? I'm like, who says this to their mom?

[A]

Yeah. I think my daughter is, like, stricter than me.

[B]

Like, my oldest, she is.

[A]

She'll get my toddler by the hand and she'll say, no, we're not doing. Yeah, that my daughter likes to jump off with him. And I'm like, okay, girl.

[B]

My daughter, too. She's. Yours is the old. Yeah, mine's the oldest. And then you have two boys. Me too.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. My two little ones are boys. And my daughter, the same thing. She doesn't tolerate any of it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she will take the little one and be like, no, we're not doing this. Get in your room. And he's scared of her. So he's just.

[A]

Yeah, he just.

[B]

Just, you know, kind of freezes up.

[A]

My oldest and my youngest are best friends, and they're twins. Like, if you see them, they look just alike. Just a boy, girl version of each other. And He. She doesn't, you know, play with him in terms of when she wants him to stop doing something or if he's starting to melt down. She'll. She'll get him back. But they always play together, too. Yeah, that's her baby.

[B]

And then the two middle ones fight.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Constantly.

[A]

Constantly.

[B]

They're constantly fighting with each other now.

[A]

I thought the age gap was going to eliminate some of that. No. I thought, oh, well, they're eight years apart. Like, what could they fight about?

[B]

They're fighting everything. Everything. Literally running around the house fighting. The big one is calling the little one names. Little ones calling the big one names. It is a literal shit show in my house 24 7.

[A]

Yes. I think the middle child is always chaos, though.

[B]

Yeah. My middle one, he's the sweetest. He's definitely the sweetest. He is the sweetest one. But he is definitely causing the little one to act up a lot of the time. Like, he's egging it on. He's laughing like. My kid sold a Pokemon card at school, a fake one for 75. And my middle one thought it was the best thing ever.

[A]

What school is this where the kids had 75? 75.

[B]

That's what I said. That's. That's exactly my reaction. I'm like, who. What kid walks around with $75? He must have stole from the parents.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I had to call the teacher.

[A]

Ask questions about that.

[B]

Well, listen, I. Me too. And then my kid. So my middle one thought it was the greatest thing ever. He's like, oh. He's like. He's like, levi's a genius. I'm like, he's a thief. He's not a genius. He's a thief.

[A]

That's funny because I say my youngest is a diabolical genius.

[B]

Like, yeah, my little one is. He's very smart.

[A]

Insane.

[B]

Yeah. And knows everything because they emulate the big ones. You let your head watch YouTube.

[A]

YouTube kids.

[B]

I do, too, but I have no control over that either, because YouTube Kids is out of control.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes. Yes, I know. I'm telling the little. The big ones didn't have this stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The little one I let do everything. And he is at it, but he is running us ragged.

[A]

Like, they did talk. Talk me out of Roblox. Like, I've got.

[B]

I do.

[A]

So many people that have said, no, Roblox, make sure he's not on Roblox.

[B]

I do let the roadblocks. But now I'm like, paranoid. Although he can only talk. He only talks to his two friends. On there. Yeah, I don't think he has any more friends than that. So for now we're good.

[A]

And he's seven. He's a little bit older.

[B]

Yeah, he knows. And he knows not to talk to anybody. Well, hopefully. Who knows? I don't. They know all kinds of stuff.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

So now you're. So let's talk about your content creation. So where did this come from? Like, where you decided this is going to be your platform?

[A]

It just came from wanting a space where I could be honest about my experiences. You know, I have friends and family and I have a sister and I have a lot of support, but I felt like at the time that my support wasn't allowing me to be truthful.

[B]

Right.

[A]

About what I need. And I felt like, especially when you come from a place of. Of privilege, it's almost like your pain doesn't resonate the same. Yes. Like they don't connect with you.

[B]

Like, you don't understand.

[A]

Yeah. You don't understand.

[B]

I do understand.

[A]

Or you know, my mom will say all the time, like, well, I'd pay to have the problems that you have. Or, you know, it's almost like it just isn't as valid because, you know, you have so much. Or you know, we'll pay someone. Like, pay someone to do it. Like, why don't you? You know? And I'm like, well, sometimes I just want my mom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To come. Like, yeah, I could definitely pay someone to come and hold my hand during this thing. But like, could you come?

[B]

Yeah. And then my mom's like three kids. I don't know. My mom's usually busy.

[A]

My mom, she's the best grandma, but she's not going to. The difference between my mom and my mother in law is that when my mother in law comes, she tries to be me. Like, she notices the things that I do. If I always have a bow on my daughter. When my mother in law comes, my daughter has a bow on.

[B]

Okay, that's good.

[A]

Yes, yes. I don't have like a monster mother in law situation. My mom comes and she like, it's chaotic, you know, it's like complete disregard. Like, well, your mom doesn't let you eat ice cream, but you want ice cream.

[B]

My mom does it too. Yeah, my mom's a good grandma, but the same thing.

[A]

There's no rules. There's no rules.

[B]

And she thinks like, the bad words are funny. So like, I'll come. Yes, I get it. I get it. I definitely get it.

[A]

So that was originally the space was to connect with people. On authentic motherhood. And one thing or one common theme that we found was that people really link shame to behaviors, and so they're not able to be authentic online because they're afraid that if they admit their mistakes, then people will see them as bad people.

[B]

Or be canceled. Yeah. Or get canceled. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Because, you know, we say bad people do bad things and good people do good things, but honestly, it goes both. Like, sometimes good people do bad things.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And when you know that that doesn't make you a bad person because you made a bad choice, then you have no problem telling people, like, I have nothing. No mistake that I've made reflects on me as a person. It's just like, where I was at the time I made the best decision with the information I had. And in hindsight, more questionable. Okay.

[B]

But who cares? I love that. And part of your content is being unapologetically you. So let's talk. Because some people, you know, we throw around the word authenticity all the time.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And we. I think we use that as a shell for this authentic person we want to be. And for me, I don't know about you, I don't think that I became. I think I suffered a lot from imposter syndrome for a really long time.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then I think finally, when I got older, seasoned, then I finally was like, okay, I've had enough life mistakes. I've had enough life experience that I really, finally feel I'm at a place that I am unapologetically me. That doesn't mean that I don't make mistakes. It doesn't mean that. But I'm comfortable in my own skin. That's what I. That's what it means. Like, you know, I'm not ashamed. I used to be ashamed. Like, we were talking about, you know, having money and saying something like, I'm not ashamed that I have a cleaning woman. I worked really hard. It wasn't like I was just, you know, I worked really hard to be able to afford such, you know, such a luxury in life or being ashamed of, you know, having a nice luxury car. I don't feel like I should be ashamed of that. I worked really, really hard.

[A]

Exactly. And also, it's interesting that you bring up imposter syndrome, because I was thinking about it today. I don't know if this resonates with you, but I think imposter syndrome in some ways comes from the fear of people seeing what you're actually doing. So, for example, take a duck. You know, when you see a duck on the water, it's like gliding smoothly across the surface. But if you ever had a camera to go underneath, they're, like, fighting for their life. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. They're like.

[A]

So when you're, like, floating merrily down the stream, you feel like an imposter because everybody's waving at you like, oh, you're so pretty. You're so sweet. Everything is going so perfect for you. But, like, underneath your light.

[B]

Yeah. Meanwhile, you're spiraling inside.

[A]

Yes. And so then you have this fear that, oh, my God, people are going to realize that I'm not actually floating. I'm actually working my tail off, and things are not as great underneath as they are on the surface. And then you realize, wait a minute. Everybody's swimming the same way. Like, everybody's feet are moving two times faster than their bodies. Yes.

[B]

And we're all trying to figure it out.

[A]

Everybody is trying to figure it out. So if you just be open about that, then I feel like, what are you pretending? You know what I mean? The imposter in me was that I was trying to make everything look easy.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And now I'm like, oh, no. That was actually really, really hard. Do not recommend zero stars. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. And then you were telling me before that a lot of this content, too, came from your kids and going to school. So where did that. So let's talk a little bit about that.

[A]

So in Orlando, in general, there's this big private school, public school, you know, thing. A lot of private schools. A lot of public schools. But for my kids being neurodivergent, there have been a lot of studies that show that if your children need specialized education, public school done right is the best place for them to be. That's the place where they can have the protections like a 504 or an IEP. Private schools don't have to offer that. And so in some ways, I'm trying to get something for them that money can't really buy, which is access to education. So then when you think about it, okay, well, how much should that cost? You know, is it my property taxes? Is it, you know, my income taxes? Like, what. What else do I need to pay to be able to send my kids to school and have the support and resources that they need? And for me, my experience with the school system is that it's just everything is a fight. You have to be willing to. To go in there and fight every.

[B]

Little thing and advocate.

[A]

And advocate. Yes. And for me, I think I'm the biggest gaslighter of myself, you know, like, oh, am I doing too much? Well, if I go up there, they're gonna think I'm crazy or they're gonna.

[B]

Take it out on my children.

[A]

Yeah, they're gonna take it out on my children or whatever. But I had an incident not too long ago where I had to roll up to the school. I had on my pajamas. Like, you know, I did take my hair out of my little wrap. Cause I was like, well, if I'm gonna be on the news, I can't look too crazy. But essentially, there was a security guard that body checked my daughter, like. And I was there. Like, I was watching. She got out of the car. She walked up to the building, and he felt like she shouldn't go into the door that she was trying to go into, because she exited the vehicle on the wrong side of the car. So when he told her that, she was like, well, that's not my problem. Which. Like, it's not? Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, why does this even matter?

[A]

I dropped her out off. She was gonna be late. The deans were calling and saying, Hey, 30 seconds. 30 seconds. So she literally takes off running, and he steps in front of her. And so I'm sitting there like, wait. Cause I'm cheering for her from the car. Like, I want her to make it. If, you know, the struggles that we have with being on time for school.

[B]

This is a problem all the time.

[A]

I'm like, listen, I'm rooting for you, because there are consequences in my house for being late for school, and I want her to make it. And so I'm like, what is she doing? Why is she talking to him? And I see them, and I see the exchange. And then she tries to go around him, and he, like, you know, bumps her and, like, yells at her to go into the building. So she walks down, and by then, I'm, like, pulling in to the parking spot, and I'm like, excuse me. What. What is going on? So I have to go inside, and I'm telling them, like, hey, I need to speak to an administrator, like, immediately. And they're giving me the. Oh, well, we don't know if anyone's available. Do you have an appointment? No, I don't.

[B]

I want to talk to the.

[A]

But we can also call the police. Like, what. What do we need to do? So they have to, you know, find someone to talk to me. I sit there for, like, 30 minutes, and then I call off the district office. So I'm sitting in the office, calling the district office. Like, hey, I just witnessed aggression. And Hostility from a faculty or staff member. Like, I'm trying to speak to someone at the school, but I'm not sure. And she's like, well, have you let them know that you're there? And I'm like, yeah, I'm sitting right here. She says, everyone is busy, but I can't imagine what would be more important than a student's safety. Thirty seconds later, we got people down here. We've got people down here. Like, now we can talk. Now we can look at the camera. And it's funny because I don't think they thought that everything I said was going to be reflected on. On the film. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then they.

[B]

They try to cover it up. I have a. I have a really crazy story that happened to me, too. I'll tell you about it after. It's crazy.

[A]

Yeah, it's. Yeah.

[B]

And there's. And then you always feel like, as a parent, you're right. Am I doing too much? Is it going to be taken out on my kid? Because I'm sure they do. Oh, I'm sure they take it out. My kid was publicly shamed in school about. Yeah, well, I mean, it's kind of my fault. I went a little crazy when the wrestling thing went on and I really lost it. I didn't like it. So the coach showed the film and was like, well, if you don't want your mom to go crazy again, this is the technique you had.

[A]

It was.

[B]

It was, like, funny. But then I was like, why would he do that? You know, it wasn't his fault. I'm a little crazy.

[A]

I do not like humiliation as a teaching point. No, I don't, like, I don't think that that's okay.

[B]

No, I don't think it was. It was like, think, thank goodness my son has. Like, he's okay with that.

[A]

And.

[B]

But when he came home and told me, I'm like, how embarrassing. And I was acting like a real nut that day. I was losing it. Seeing my kid, he's on the ground. It's wrestling. Granted, it's wrestling. And I'm losing it. I'm like, screaming, get off my kid. You know, the parents right there. I'm like, get off my kid. He's in a headlock of losing. And they use the film.

[A]

I'm definitely that sports mom, too. Like, my middle son plays sports, and I literally. I say it every game. I'm not cut out for this.

[B]

No, I can't do it. I'm a nut job.

[A]

Like, yes, I'm a Nut job as well.

[B]

I cannot watch the game. I'm not going back to the wrestling tournaments ever again. Not going. It's too much. It's too brutal. I think it's barbaric. I don't want my kids to wrestle.

[A]

But he's passionate about it.

[B]

He likes it. Now the coach is like, oh, you're doing really well. And I see a future in it. So I'm like, oh, Liam, can't we just do golf instead? Like, no wrestling, please. We already did the football thing. That was a little scary when he got tackled. I can't watch it.

[A]

It's very. It's very rough. And that's one of the things that I've just had to release and relinquish as something that is above me. I do think it's in my sons, both of them, even my 4 year old. I see it in him too. It's in them that that's what they love.

[B]

Well, they come from a sports background.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Your backman is an ex NFL player, so he must be like, oh, yeah.

[A]

They'Re playing this year. He's letting him take the year off. Oh. He said, so he'll be going into the eighth grade. And so this is our first season where we're not playing multiple sports. And he said, I really want him to just grow and develop outside of sports.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

So I'm supportive of that. Honestly, I'm thrilled. Couldn't be happier.

[B]

But drive around because that's. That's really bad when you're driving one kid here, one kid there.

[A]

That is, yeah, the worst. And that's why I feel like the third kind of gets in where they fit in because, you know, you always have things for the other two going on.

[B]

It's too much for the little one. This happens with me all the time now I have the little one. Just on a Saturday, he does a little golf thing. I don't even know if he really wants to play golf, but we did something just to get it in, just.

[A]

To get him out of the house.

[B]

He has golf and tutoring. I think that's a lot in a week.

[A]

It is.

[B]

That's a lot going on. We can't do any more than that. So now where are you taking your content creation?

[A]

I don't know. That was the thing. So when you. You guys reached out for me to come here, I was thinking about it and I was like, well, I don't really have a commodity because I'm just offering me. You know what I mean? Yes. I know exactly what I mean, so my. My. My perspective, which I do think is unique, and I do think that it speaks to a lot of people. I've built a really strong community. But I don't know. I think the possibilities are endless. I do it because I love it. Not necessarily as an income stream, but as, you know, anytime you work with someone and they are giving you their time and their energy and their resources, then obviously you should pay them for that.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And so that's kind of where I am with it. It's still in the lane of a hobby, but it's also something that if I'm passionate about it and we are working together, then it becomes a part of a business.

[B]

And so I think you can do a podcast. I think you would get a lot. I do. I think you get a lot of viewers. People like to hear about mom life all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And how you're juggling, you know, being a boss, being a mom. Because you also work full time.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So now you're a mom, you're a boss, and you're a wife. Do you cook also?

[A]

I cook.

[B]

Yeah, I cook, too. Nobody can believe that I cook, but I do. No, I do. I cook also. It's crazy. And then, you know, I'm trying to juggle everything in between. I think you. That'd be a great podcast for you.

[A]

Don't you feel like the space is so saturated, though?

[B]

I don't know. I think if you come in with an angle that's different, then I think that you can definitely do it. I think anything's possible. You just got to keep with it.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

And I think you.

[A]

How did you get into podcasting?

[B]

How did I. I. Mine was just out of nowhere, really. I had a friend, like, how my whole thing started. I was. I've been in the insurance space for 17 years, and a good friend of mine, Leandro, who's actually over there, he came to me two years ago and he said to me, listen, he goes, I think that people really want to hear your story. There's not a lot of women in your space that are real like, that have really built, you know, a six. Sorry at this time, seven figure business, and your mom, you know, and a wife. And I think a lot of people in this public speaking space are not able to really resonate because there's something missing. I think you do really well with this. Let me brand you. I don't even know what that means.

[A]

Yes, yes. So, well, if Leandro wants to come and take me under my. Under his wing, Then that's something that I can think about. But it is interesting that you talk about public speaking and, you know, things like that. I've thought about going into that as well. There's a big conference here. Well, it was here last year. Next year it's in Texas. It's called Mom Friends. Are you familiar with it?

[B]

I'm not.

[A]

Okay. So they bring together MOM influencers from all over the country, and they have panels. You'd be really great for a panel there. And they just talk about the business side of things and networking and then also avoiding, like, burnout, because that's something that we also have to safeguard ourselves against. You know, when you have so many businesses and so many projects, it's like, how are you protecting you?

[B]

I think that once you have a passion for something you love, you fit it in. So, like, for me, with the podcasting, I have offices all over, so whenever I travel, I throw in a podcast. I'm going to New York. I'm gonna throw in a podcast when I. And you can do it back to back. You can find time. Just think about it this way. Anything you want to do, you'll find time for.

[A]

Yeah. Especially if you. The infrastructure to build up around, which you can absolutely do, you know, where, you know, people are handling the back ends for you so that you can really just come and focus on engaging what you do. People. Yes.

[B]

And that's what happened for me. I had a great team behind me that really pushed me to write a book. From the book. I had, you know, a girlfriend that was, like, super creative and came up with the BILF name. And then she was like, you should do a podcast. I'm like, what will my podcast be on? She's like, other bills? I'm like, well, what do you mean? She's like, it could be any type of boss. And that's kind of how it, you know, one thing went to another. And my hope is, first of all, if you have a brand behind you, whatever that looks like, you're. You're building recognition. So whatever you choose to do, you know, if you want to be. I don't know, if you want to open up a mom and pop pharmacy, you'll have a name behind you. So you can always use that for right now. Have fun with it.

[A]

Exactly. Still in the fun stage, but, you know, you learn something every day. You meet people everywhere you go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Social media has brought so many people together. There's a bigger reach. So many ideas have come together on social media. So many people have inspired Me, I've heard like Patreon. And then you do YouTube as well, right?

[B]

I do.

[A]

So we'll see. You know, the sky's the limit. It might be. This might be something that I look back on and say, this is it all started here on Bill.

[B]

You know, you never know. All right. We're gonna have some fun and we're gonna do some rapid fire questions for you.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

So here's. We're gonna. I'm gonna ask you a question and then you'll. You'll just kind of answer it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right. Here. It's real. Or.

[A]

Cap.

[B]

I'm gonna throw out a few statements about pharmacies, vaccines and health. And then you're gonna tell me if it's real.

[A]

Or. Cap. All right.

[B]

Pharmacists are just there to count pills and fill prescriptions.

[A]

Cap.

[B]

Why?

[A]

I mean, so the technicians count the pills. But there's just so many things. Automation has taken away the counting and the filling of prescriptions for the most part. So the pharmacist is really the brains behind all of the things that happen as it relates to how many people, how many doctors you're seeing, how many prescriptions you're taking. They're just looking for so many different things to help keep you safe.

[B]

Love it. All right. Natural immunity is always better than vaccine immunity. That's a very controversial topic.

[A]

Cap.

[B]

Cap.

[A]

Because natural immunity can come with consequences. Look at polio. You get polio. Yes. You're immune to ever getting it again, but you could be crippled.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So there are so many situations in which natural immunity can kill you. Measles is one of them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I. I think it's almost insane to advocate for natural immunity against so many different things.

[B]

Agreed? Agreed. Yes. So obviously you vaccinate your children. Yeah. So do I.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Big Pharma controls what doctors and pharmacists recommend.

[A]

Cap.

[B]

Okay, Next one. Antibiotics work for viral infections like colds and flu.

[A]

Cap.

[B]

Generic medications are less effective than brand name drugs.

[A]

Cap. But. But I will say that everyone is different. And there can be a variability in response to a brand versus a generic. So I don't want anyone to ever discount their experiences where they say, I took the brand and I had this experience and I took the generic and it didn't work as well. That is totally within the realm of possibilities because everyone is different.

[B]

Yeah. So you can buy like over the counter, like, you know, Publix, ibuprofen.

[A]

That's okay. I do see that.

[B]

Yeah, me too. All right. So I'm not crazy. Okay. You should stop taking antibiotics once you feel better.

[A]

Cap.

[B]

All vaccines contain harmful toxins and heavy metals that cause more harm than good.

[A]

Cap.

[B]

And last question. If a supplement is natural, it's automatically safe.

[A]

Cap.

[B]

There you go. There was your. There you go. Look at a woman with brains. So, okay, so now you said you don't know, but what's your big vision for yourself?

[A]

My big vision for myself or your.

[B]

Like, internal dream or something that you manifest?

[A]

My big vision for myself is to build a community of women that are unapologetically high maintenance.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

That will walk into any room and expect the best because they deserve it and they don't mind holding people accountable for. For what they deserve. You ever have that friend that goes to a restaurant and they always complain like, they get the food? That's how I started my mom. That's how this all started. No one wanted to go out to eat with me because they're like, carla, you know, this is P. F Chang like this. Who cares if you didn't get, you know, they didn't take the rice sticks off, it's fine. And it started like that. But now I'm like, no. When I go somewhere and I order something, I do expect it to be how it's supposed to be.

[B]

Especially if you're paying for it.

[A]

It's. Especially if I'm paying for it. So it's not rude of me. And I'm not going to let anyone frame me as rude for just pointing it out that this was not what I asked for.

[B]

You know, I'm not rude.

[A]

No, no. That's. That's a. A word that they throw out there for us to be fearful.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So we're scared to be called rude.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

They might call us rude.

[B]

Agree.

[A]

Might be considered rude. Who cares?

[B]

But let me ask you a question. If a man does that, would that be considered rude?

[A]

Absolutely not.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Assertive, you know? Yes, they're assertive. We're aggressive.

[B]

They know what they want.

[A]

So many things, though, and this is what I do. I do love is that so many things I don't even entertain because I know that my husband is going to have an easier time doing it, you know, And I'm not going to bark up that, you know, that road. Like, I'm not taking my car to the car wash because I know, you know, which car wash to pick. There's too many options. There's too many things going on.

[B]

Figure that part out so that he has to do. I mean, I do think even though I am into the woman movement. And, you know, I do still believe in gender roles and not gender roles where, like, you know, I should be slaving in the kitchen. But I do think that there are certain roles. Like, you know, I'm the mom. I'm still the mom. I'm the woman of the house. I do not take out the trash. I don't do it. I had to do it like twice and it was, it was awful experience. I thought a frog was going to jump on me, but I'm just not doing it. Not taking the trash.

[A]

Absolutely not. No. And then you have boys too.

[B]

Yeah, they can do it.

[A]

They can not hear. Come on. Yeah, there's someone that can do that. I do believe in gender roles. I do believe that at the heart of a family, someone has to be that nurturing side. And obviously if the mother is not there and the dad has to do that for sure, then, you know, that's one thing. But in my household, like, I'm the nurturer, like they're gonna come to me for like that warmth and, and that connection and he's okay with that, you know?

[B]

Yeah. My husband, I take care of all the school stuff as best as I can, but anything like the teacher's gifts and the newsletter and you know, all of that stuff, that all lies on me. The doctor's appointments, dentist appointments, that. But I'm okay with that because that's. I feel like that is my role as a wife, you know, and I work with my husband, so at some point there has to be a separation and I need to be a wife and a mom.

[A]

Well, you know, I do all that too, but I charge my husband. Oh, yeah, yeah, I do. Oh, I do it. It does.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

To do all of those things.

[B]

I love that. I should just venmo request at the end of the month, be like, you know, this is, you know, we equally had together. So here we go. I actually really like that. I love this. You have to give me some more tips and trips, tips and tricks.

[A]

And when you charge them, they honestly start to do things a little different. So like if I'm charging my husband for something, he will second guess does he actually need to do it? So for example, golf, he's a he golf as a hobby, but he picks up my 2 year old, my 4 year old from school. So if his golf game runs long and I have to pick him up, I'm going to have to charge you for that. Yep. So now he pretty much tries to make sure golf does not run long.

[B]

So now the golf game wasn't because you had to teach them. You know, it's like having a fourth kid.

[A]

Yes. There's a value attached to everything that I do. Everything. And so sometimes you got to up the price a little bit.

[B]

I love it. So if you had to give one piece of advice to a woman that is, you know, just kind of feeling that imposter syndrome just really wants to, you know, just kind of feeling a certain way right now, what advice would you give to that mom, to that woman? Just somebody that wants to go to the next step. Be everything, juggle everything, and be unapologetically her.

[A]

My biggest piece of advice would be to address the connection that your mind draws between your behavior and shame. Once you separate yourself from being ashamed of any behavior, good or bad, you are free.

[B]

I love that. I love that. And if people want to find you, where would they find you?

[A]

So I'm on TikTok, I'm on Instagram, and I'm on threads, all of my platforms. Facebook, three Little Lee. I also have a blog, three little lee. Com. I post on there usually about once or twice a month. And I don't know.

[B]

That's great. No, you're.

[A]

That.

[B]

That is so great. And for your first time being on podcast, you did amazing. I don't know if I put your business out there, but you did amazing. So here it is. If you enjoyed this episode, please do not forget to, like, subscribe. Tell your friends. We go over this every single week. But more importantly, I think Carla really did a great explaining how she juggles, how she's a mom, how she's an advocate. And my favorite part about all of this is how she is unapologetically herself. So I have a challenge for you guys. Think about something that you want to be unapologetic about. Maybe it's going to a restaurant and ordering and complaining if something is not right, or not complaining, correcting if something is not right, or perhaps, you know, anything that you can think of. Go ahead, write in. We'll display it on the bilfpod. But until next time, this has been an amazing conversation. Girl.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you for coming by.

[B]

I can't wait to see what's next for you.

[A]

Thank you so much.