A Very Merry Black and White Christmas

Summary

Podcast Summary: "A Very Merry Black and White Christmas"

Episode Release Date: December 24, 2024
Hosts: Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett
Podcast: Black and White Advice

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1. Introduction to the Holiday Episode

In the festive episode titled "A Very Merry Black and White Christmas," hosts Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett delve into holiday traditions, gift-giving dilemmas, and the unique dynamics of celebrating Christmas across different cultural backgrounds. The episode blends humor with insightful discussions, staying true to the podcast’s mission of addressing race-related questions with candor and wit.

2. Mariah Carey and Christmas Music Tradition

The hosts kick off the episode with a light-hearted conversation about Mariah Carey’s enduring status as the “Queen of Christmas.” Turner expresses his eagerness for Mariah Carey to make a seasonal comeback, highlighting how other artists attempt to emulate her success without matching her iconic status.

Turner Sparks [01:14]: "Is she gone?"

Phil Duckett [01:19]: "Mariah is the queen of Christmas."

Their banter underscores the perennial debate over classic Christmas music and its place in modern festivities.

3. Navigating Office Christmas Parties

Transitioning to workplace holiday gatherings, Phil Duckett offers a cautionary perspective on office Christmas parties, emphasizing the importance of maintaining professionalism despite the festive atmosphere.

Phil Duckett [03:18]: "Stay cognizant this year of their behavior at these office Christmas parties."

Phil advises limiting alcohol intake to avoid overindulgence, reflecting on past experiences where excessive drinking led to uncomfortable situations.

Phil Duckett [03:53]: "Keep it three drinks tops. Just to keep it kosher."

The discussion highlights the delicate balance between enjoying the festivities and preserving one’s reputation in a professional setting.

4. Top 10 Worst Christmas Presents: A Guessing Game

In a segment inspired by Timeout.com’s list of the worst Christmas gifts, Turner and Phil engage in a playful guessing game to identify and discuss the most dreaded presents. Their insights provide both humor and practical advice for listeners navigating their own gift-giving challenges.

Guessed and Discussed Gifts:

1. Socks

   Phil Duckett [08:04]: "Because you put no thought into it."

   Turner critiques the generic nature of socks, suggesting they often feel like last-minute, impersonal gifts.

2. Gift Cards

   Phil Duckett [08:57]: "Gift cards is your lowest form of present."

   Both hosts agree that gift cards, especially to businesses that may no longer be operational, lack personal touch.

3. Cutlery and Utensils

   Phil Duckett [09:56]: "Never seen nobody give like China."

   They discuss how practical but impersonal items like cutlery fail to inspire joy in recipients.

4. Clothes

   While Phil initially opposes clothing as a gift, Turner defends it, noting that thoughtful clothing can be appreciated if tailored to the recipient’s style.

5. Calendars

   Phil Duckett [13:18]: "I still get one every year."

   They describe calendars as outdated and impersonal, especially in the age of digital scheduling.

6. Exercise or Diet-Related Gifts

   Turner mentions items like Peloton bikes as examples of gifts that can imply an unwanted push towards fitness or weight loss.

7. Statement Mugs

   General consensus is that novelty mugs, like "Best Dad Ever," lack thoughtfulness unless they hold personal significance.

8. Pets

   Phil shares a personal anecdote about gifting a puppy, illustrating the potential pitfalls and responsibilities that come with pet ownership, often making it a challenging and cumbersome gift.

   Phil Duckett [18:16]: "Diesel is running out at pasture right now, but she gave my dog away while I was at work."

Phil’s story underscores the complexities and long-term commitments associated with pets, often making them unsuitable as gifts.

5. Personal Anecdote: Phil’s Puppy Predicament

Phil Duckett recounts his experience of gifting a puppy to his girlfriend, which quickly spiraled into a series of challenges:

• The girlfriend became overwhelmed with a busy work schedule.
• The puppy, Diesel, was neglected and eventually given away without Phil’s consent.
• The ordeal led to personal frustration and strained the relationship.

Phil Duckett [19:32]: "Diesel is running out at pasture right now, but she gave my dog away while I was at work."

This story emphasizes the importance of considering the recipient’s capacity to care for significant gifts like pets.

6. Listener Q&A: Vicki’s Roommate Cooking Soul Food

Question from Vicki in Burlington, Vermont:

Vicki, a white vegetarian, expresses frustration with her black roommate who cooks soul food every night, leading to persistent meat odors in their shared apartment. She seeks advice on how to address the issue politely.

Hosts’ Responses:

Phil humorously downplays the issue, suggesting that Vicki might need to broaden her culinary horizons.

Phil Duckett [22:07]: "Maybe it was time for you to try a chicken wing."

Turner offers more tactful advice, proposing passive-aggressive strategies to hint at her discomfort with the smells.

Turner Sparks [24:39]: "If you want to somehow fight back in a way that I guess would be very passive aggressive."

They also discuss the cultural significance of soul food, noting that many traditional dishes incorporate meat for flavor, making it inherently aromatic.

Phil Duckett [23:43]: "So you're going to smell meat. Because there's not a dish out there that doesn't have a seasoning of meat or type of like, you know, I mean, yeah, bone broth."

7. Listener Q&A: Jalen’s Observation about Shorts-Wearing White Friends in Winter

Question from Jalen in Houston:

Jalen, a 31-year-old black man, observes that his white friend groups often include members who wear shorts even in cold weather. He wonders if this behavior is characteristic of white culture in general.

Hosts’ Responses:

Phil and Turner engage in a lighthearted debate about the reasons behind this fashion choice, touching on cultural heritage and body temperature regulation.

Phil Duckett [28:32]: "Y'all come from the cold. That's what darker pigments were meant for."

They humorously stereotype the shorts-wearers as either running hot or seeking comfort, reminiscing about their own tendencies to wear warmer clothing during winter.

Turner Sparks [27:38]: "Every group of friends, every school has the one guy who's just. He. That's his thing."

8. Listener Q&A: Paul’s Concern about Introducing His Atheist Self to His Black Girlfriend’s Parents

Question from Paul in Tacoma, Washington:

Paul, a 20-year-old atheist, is concerned about his black girlfriend requesting that he not disclose his atheism to her parents. He wonders if this is a recurring issue when dating black women.

Hosts’ Responses:

Phil delves into the cultural and religious expectations prevalent in many black communities, explaining the significance of faith and religion in familial relationships.

Phil Duckett [30:12]: "We black people, even black people who do some of the crazy shit, majority of us believe in a higher power."

Turner draws parallels with white cultural norms, suggesting that both communities have traditions that may sometimes conflict with personal beliefs.

Turner Sparks [31:37]: "Everyone's grandma goes to church. And I do. And we've always had grown up..."

Phil emphasizes understanding and respecting cultural backgrounds while navigating personal beliefs.

Phil Duckett [32:11]: "We are. And especially most black people migrate. Even the ones in New York, their grandparents are in the South."

Ultimately, the hosts advise Paul to honor his beliefs while being sensitive to his girlfriend’s cultural and familial expectations.

9. Fact-Check Segment: Durian and Cold Sensitivity in Black People

In the final segment, titled "White Lies and Dark Truths," producer Joe Russell fact-checks the episode’s claims:

1. Durian Fruit Smell:

   The hosts described durian fruit as having an overpowering and unpleasant odor, often compared to garbage or sewage.

   Joe Russell [32:44]: "A lot of people say it smells like rotting onions, turpentine, raw sewage, stale vomit, skunk spray."

   Turner confirms the widespread ban of durian in Asian hotels due to its strong smell.

   Turner Sparks [33:04]: "It's not allowed in hotels throughout Asia."

2. Cold Sensitivity in Black People:

   The claim that black individuals are more susceptible to cold was addressed, referencing studies on higher heating costs in black households and historical instances of increased frostbite among black soldiers in World War II.

   Producer [34:03]: "Apparently, yes, black people do succumb to coldness more than white people."

   Turner shares a personal story about his father limiting heater use, reflecting on economic and cultural factors influencing perceptions of cold.

   Phil Duckett [34:22]: "Put on sweatsuits."

This segment provides a balanced view, acknowledging the biological and socio-economic factors that contribute to these observations.

10. Conclusion and Patreon Promotion

The episode wraps up with a promotion for their Patreon page, encouraging listeners to subscribe for bonus content, early access to episodes, and exclusive questions.

Turner Sparks [35:02]: "Stay black."

Phil humorously adds a provocative touch, maintaining the show’s characteristic edgy humor.

Phil Duckett [35:05]: "And you've got a question."

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Notable Quotes:

• Phil Duckett [03:53]: "Keep it three drinks tops. Just to keep it kosher."
• Phil Duckett [08:04]: "Because you put no thought into it."
• Phil Duckett [18:16]: "Diesel is running out at pasture right now, but she gave my dog away while I was at work."
• Turner Sparks [24:39]: "If you want to somehow fight back in a way that I guess would be very passive aggressive."
• Phil Duckett [30:12]: "We black people, even black people who do some of the crazy shit, majority of us believe in a higher power."

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Key Takeaways:

• Gift-Giving Challenges: The discussion highlights the importance of thoughtful gifting, cautioning against impersonal or impractical presents like socks, gift cards, or pets without considering the recipient’s circumstances.

• Cultural Sensitivity: Episodes of interracial living and relationships underscore the need for cultural understanding and respectful communication when navigating differing traditions and beliefs.

• Humorous Insights: Through humor and personal anecdotes, the hosts offer relatable perspectives on common holiday experiences, making complex racial and cultural topics accessible and engaging.

• Educational Value: The fact-check segment adds an informative layer, debunking myths and providing factual accuracy to support the hosts' discussions.

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This episode of "Black and White Advice" delivers a blend of humor, personal stories, and cultural insights, making it a valuable listen for those seeking both entertainment and thoughtful discourse on race and holiday traditions.

Transcript

[Turner Sparks]

Everybody gets one big gift in the family and then they get just whatever's at Marshall's. You think, here's some candy, here's some socks. Here's a gift card to, like, Rite Aid.

[Phil Duckett]

I expect nothing less from a family that doesn't wash their towels. Have you ever had a question you wanted to ask the opposite race but you were too nervous to ask?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

And this is Black and White Advice.

[Phil Duckett]

But we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones.

[Turner Sparks]

This is black and white advice.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

You've got a question but you're scared to ask. Just drop the boys a message cuz they're up to the task, they're rolling the dice. They ain't always nice. But you can't think twice when giving black and white advice. Black and white advice.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, everybody. Welcome to Black and White Advice. I'm Turner Sparks. This is when you're supposed to say, I'm Phil Duckett.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, sorry. And I'm the Real deal.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, we got Joe the Muscle Russell on the one and twos.

[Phil Duckett]

It's Christmas.

[Turner Sparks]

It's Christmas, everybody.

[Phil Duckett]

I've had a couple eggnogs.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't want a lot for Christmas. Be.

[Phil Duckett]

Are you ready? Are you ready for Mariah to come back?

[Turner Sparks]

Is she gone?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, you know, every year that all out for Christmas comes on and they play I'm ready.

[Turner Sparks]

I thought you meant she got diddy partied or something. I'm, I'm like, what happened to her? I'm ready for her to be back.

[Phil Duckett]

She got diddy parties.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm ready for her to be here.

[Phil Duckett]

No, I just know every year they, they play the song out like, I love the song, it's a great song. But by time the season is over, you're like, I don't ever have.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, you're done with the song. And. But I also. Have you noticed that every year some other pop star tries to make themselves the new Mariah Carey? They're like, I got a Christmas killing.

[Phil Duckett]

It says 92. You're not beating her. Yeah, she'd have to get there to be some allegation that has to come for her to like not be the Christmas lady.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, I mean, they want to. They write a song and they're like, this is going to be the new Christmas song. And it never hits. Yeah, she's the.

[Phil Duckett]

Mariah is the queen of Christmas.

[Turner Sparks]

She's the one. Yeah, she's really cashing those checks.

[Phil Duckett]

Damn.

[Turner Sparks]

So what we're gonna start with today we got your black and white advice, questions and answers. Coming up later on, we got white lies and dark truths. Our fact check segment with Joe Russell at the very end of the show. But before all that, Joe, we're gonna do top. What are we doing? We're gonna guess the top 10 worst Christmas presents.

[Producer]

So according to timeout.com, they have about 10 or 11 here of the worst gifts you can ever get. Let's see who guesses the most about.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay. And I like this segment because right now, everyone's out there shopping. You're shopping for Christmas presents.

[Phil Duckett]

And you need to know what not to waste your money on or what.

[Turner Sparks]

To get for somebody you hate. You know, you got to get your boss.

[Phil Duckett]

Nobody spends money on people they hate.

[Turner Sparks]

You don't have to get a present for somebody at work. And I haven't worked in an office in a while.

[Phil Duckett]

You can tell you're out of touch. I'm like, no, it'd be creepy if you got somebody a gift that you didn't like. They were like, what is this, Anthrax?

[Turner Sparks]

I thought they made you get gifts for people at work.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, some jobs do, like Secret Santa, but it's. That might be.

[Turner Sparks]

But then. But that's. But you, like, you don't know even know who you're getting.

[Phil Duckett]

You don't know who you're getting. But, like, I mean, I have a day job, and nobody's getting anything from me. All right, Everybody, though, I need y'all to know. Everybody needs to be cognizant this year of their behavior at these office Christmas parties, okay? Because things have gotten out of line. All right? I'm gonna tell you that right now because office Christmas parties have started doing. I don't want to say started, but since I've been in the workforce, they got these open bars where they're like, this is just a time. Yeah. A lot of officers have open bar. And I'm like, this is your. This is not the time to meet the real person that you hire. Okay. This is actually when people really let go the most.

[Turner Sparks]

Don't be yourself.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. And the thing is, so especially now when the climb back in the 80s, you could get blacked out and tell your secretary, oh, I love them titties. This is not that era. Like every Bill Murray, they have an open bar. I'm telling you right now, keep it three drinks tops. All right. Just to keep it kosher.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes. And then get out of there.

[Producer]

Get a can of beer.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Do not start going full blown whiskeys. All right? Jameson is never the move.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm surprised they even do this because I thought they learned their lesson because it was the 80s and then into the mid-90s where it was like buck.

[Phil Duckett]

Wild, buck wild shit.

[Turner Sparks]

And the boss is cheating on his wife with the secretary in the middle of the party.

[Phil Duckett]

Acceptable.

[Turner Sparks]

And everybody knows and everyone's cool with it. And then. But I thought that went away. And then they went, no, zip. It's zipped up now. No drinks, no anything. We're back now we're back.

[Phil Duckett]

A dude at my bar is this post pandemic maybe, I think. Yeah, well, you know, they didn't do anything during pandemic, so I think now that we're starting to come back to it. Yeah. And so my. Even my job, they're doing the open bar. And I remember last year this guy who, he's in the sales team, he brought out a bag of blow and I said, sir, I don't even know what that is exactly.

[Turner Sparks]

Good for. Good for you. Good for you.

[Phil Duckett]

I've never seen that in my life.

[Turner Sparks]

Also, if you don't do blow, are you really a salesperson?

[Phil Duckett]

No, you're not.

[Turner Sparks]

But I do every salesperson.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm not trying to let my hair down that much with you.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh yeah, he did. In the middle of the party, dude.

[Phil Duckett]

He brings it out like it was a bottle of BC powder. He was like, anybody want a little?

[Turner Sparks]

He must have had a good quarter, cuz you got to really be making.

[Phil Duckett]

Sales about his job security. Me, on the other hand, I made one sale this quarter. I'm like, I can't do that.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not at the blow level yet.

[Phil Duckett]

Not the blow guy.

[Producer]

The next day after, like drinking at an office party, I'm like, what did I save that guy and it split. Probably not that bad.

[Phil Duckett]

No, it's always bad for me. It's always normally bad for me. I'm like, yeah. I always say something crazy. Like it's always. I get too close with them. Like we're homeboys. You see that asshole Trish, they're like, that's my fiance.

[Turner Sparks]

I'll be. This is a hot take. I'm not even totally sure I like comedy club Christmas parties.

[Phil Duckett]

And I do.

[Turner Sparks]

I know you're not supposed to say it. I do appreciate they have them. I do like going, but usually I love the one at New York Comic. Can I start there?

[Phil Duckett]

That's the only one I go to.

[Turner Sparks]

I love that.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, the Comedy Cellar Christmas party I've never been is top notch.

[Turner Sparks]

I've never been invited.

[Phil Duckett]

Lobsters, oysters. No. It's insanity.

[Turner Sparks]

Really.

[Producer]

Pizza? They got subs, wings, Chinese food.

[Phil Duckett]

Dude, no, it's insane. They got a ice sculpture, ice luge.

[Turner Sparks]

You know how much money they make?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Ice lose.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, I've never seen. I've never been invited.

[Phil Duckett]

And it's just a who's who. It's a star studded event.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm sure there's like. Yeah, real.

[Producer]

So they've had free tattoos, people.

[Turner Sparks]

They're actually giving real tattoo tattoos.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, there's like tattoos.

[Turner Sparks]

How am I the only one not invited to this?

[Phil Duckett]

But they're like, small. They can't get like a whole back piece. But like, you like little things.

[Producer]

They had a casino going too.

[Turner Sparks]

What?

[Producer]

Roulette wheel, poker table.

[Turner Sparks]

This is not like I'm not going to name. All right? Most of the comedy clubs I get invited to. They. They went out of business in the last six months. They're. They're even having Christmas.

[Phil Duckett]

They're having Doritos.

[Turner Sparks]

They have no club anymore. But it was. You go in and I'm not talking about those two, but you would go in, you do one lap and you go, this is all people I have no interest in talking to. And then you go home. No one shows up because everyone's. Now I know everyone's getting a tattoo.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

New York ice sculpture.

[Phil Duckett]

I let my hair down a bit.

[Turner Sparks]

No, I like that one.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm over here talking crazy to the servers. But I know them, so it's just like, you know, that's just Phil. But the seller. I'm very, very aware because I'm not. I think your. Your behavior changes when you're passing a club versus not passing a club.

[Turner Sparks]

True.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I'm very comfortable in New York. That's my home. I've slept there. I used to live there. I mop the floors.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

I say whatever.

[Turner Sparks]

The I all real. By the way. None of that was an exaggeration.

[Phil Duckett]

No, no, no. Yeah. I've been homeless. I slept in that club you barked into there.

[Turner Sparks]

Right.

[Phil Duckett]

I bar backed.

[Turner Sparks]

You bar back.

[Phil Duckett]

I bar backed. So mop the floors there after show. So I have a little more leeway. Like a place that I'm not past, like the comedy seller where I've just done guest spots. I keep it real cute.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, real cute. Because it's still. It's still a reflection of who you are. So you have a bad experience there. That's all they remember. Like, oh, the guy who got blacked out at our fucking Christmas party.

[Turner Sparks]

And that's a comedy club. So then if you transpose that to your office. Yeah. Nothing.

[Phil Duckett]

Nothing. No, just. All right, just eat the fucking orders.

[Turner Sparks]

Get out of there, Joe. Top 10 worst Christmas presents according to the Internet. And we got to guess them. Do you want to guess first?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, if I have to guess first, my number one is got to be undergarments, socks, underwear.

[Turner Sparks]

Show me undergarments. This is Family Feud.

[Producer]

Yeah, Socks is on the list.

[Phil Duckett]

Thank you. Aha. Mr. Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, that's one point for you. I don't understand. Are socks so bad? Why are socks so bad?

[Phil Duckett]

Because you put no thought into it. You were just. You were. You were in the checkout line at Marshalls, and you saw a pair of.

[Turner Sparks]

Socks, you're like, yeah, but that's like 90% of Christmas presents is. You're in the checkout line of Marshalls.

[Phil Duckett]

You have horrible Christmas. No, there's.

[Turner Sparks]

Everybody gets one.

[Phil Duckett]

Most people put thought in their Christmas.

[Turner Sparks]

Everybody gets one big gift in the family, and then they get just whatever's in at Marshalls. Here's some candy. Here's some socks. Here's a gift card to, like, Rite Aid.

[Phil Duckett]

I expect nothing less from my family. Doesn't wash their towels. But let me tell you. No, there's always.

[Turner Sparks]

My mom, every year gives me, like, a voucher to a movie theater that went out of business five years ago.

[Phil Duckett]

So gift cards is your.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, you want to say gift cards? Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

Let me bring it home for you.

[Turner Sparks]

Can you help me out?

[Phil Duckett]

We're two for two, boys.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't mind a gift card if the company's still in business. The problem is my mom's doing. It's Mervin's. It's. It's. It's Best Buy. Still exist or they gone?

[Phil Duckett]

Half of them are. Where are you from? What do you mean? It's Best Buy still. They're like the top electronic. Circuit City is here.

[Turner Sparks]

I was thinking Circuit City is what I was thinking. I was thinking Circuit City. Sorry. Circus.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Circuit City is gone. Radio Shack.

[Turner Sparks]

Sears. Radio Shack.

[Phil Duckett]

Sears are still here.

[Turner Sparks]

They're still here. I don't get out much.

[Phil Duckett]

They used to call it Sears and Roebuck. My grandmama still calls it Sears and Roebuck.

[Turner Sparks]

I think my grandma does, too.

[Phil Duckett]

And I was. And the first time, I was like, what the hell is a Roebuck? And apparently Sears had two owners.

[Turner Sparks]

What's the name of the other guy?

[Phil Duckett]

It was Sears and Roebuck. And then he went broke, and Sears was like, I got it. Oh, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I thought he died. He just Got forced out by Sears. Nice. What happened to robot? All right, you're next.

[Phil Duckett]

Cutlery. Like utensils. Eating utensils.

[Producer]

I'm sorry, it's all this.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think I've ever once seen someone give.

[Phil Duckett]

Although, like China.

[Turner Sparks]

I have seen people give chopsticks as a gift. Like super nice steel. No, that's Korean.

[Phil Duckett]

Why is steel chopsticks Korean?

[Turner Sparks]

I don't know why, but it is. Koreans eat steel, use steel chopsticks, and everybody else use wood because that's all.

[Phil Duckett]

They had to make.

[Turner Sparks]

I think they're a little bit snooty in the sense that they're like. We're so good at chopsticks. We can do steel because it slides right off. They're not. The wood actually catches the noodles or whatever the meat a little bit and the. It does. And then. You want to say it.

[Phil Duckett]

No, I was just.

[Turner Sparks]

I thought you're gonna give me a pause.

[Phil Duckett]

The wood catches the meat as crazy as hell.

[Turner Sparks]

The steel doesn't though. I think they're just really good at it. Anyway, that's the only cutlery I've ever seen. I've never seen someone get like a fork and knife.

[Phil Duckett]

Never seen nobody give like China here's crazy. You know, that might be a little outdated because I feel like maybe our grandparents time, like China was a big thing. Oh, that's what I meant. Like China.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. And the old silver.

[Phil Duckett]

Cuz I think about it like we have a China cab at my parents house.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know if I've ever seen anybody open it.

[Turner Sparks]

We just got.

[Phil Duckett]

Y'all eat off of it. Do white people eat off china when their fancy friends come?

[Turner Sparks]

No, my parents might.

[Phil Duckett]

We eat off regular glass plates. But like the china cabinet. No, I've never seen anybody.

[Producer]

Twice a year we'd have something Christmas, Thanksgiving. We'd have a nice New Year's Day feast of crab legs with my immediate family.

[Phil Duckett]

You're from Buffalo. Where the fuck would you get your crabs from?

[Turner Sparks]

Right, Right out of the lake.

[Phil Duckett]

Niagara Falls.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Where the fuck do y'all get crab from? Did you. You all got china?

[Turner Sparks]

We got.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, you got the wife.

[Turner Sparks]

We just got gifted.

[Phil Duckett]

Hey, I'm here all week, folks.

[Turner Sparks]

This guy's on fire. We got gifted recently. Sterling silver, which I didn't even know what that was. And it was. And we're trying to figure out what to do with it. I went to like a pawn shop and they're like, you gonna pawn the fucking sterling gift?

[Phil Duckett]

You're that person. I would Rather be somebody. Re Gift me. We didn't know you take my gift to the fucking.

[Turner Sparks]

We decided not to pawn it, mostly because they wouldn't take it.

[Phil Duckett]

So it was low.

[Turner Sparks]

They said they don't have any interest in it. And so they said no one buys it anymore. They're like, yeah, this would be great. Fifty years ago, everyone wanted this. Now, like, No1Under40 has use for this. So it's. We just kept it. It's sitting in the glass.

[Phil Duckett]

I would eat off of it every day.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Since you could use it. I don't know. Next one. Is it me?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay. So worst Christmas gift. We did socks. We did. Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna say. Did you say clothes?

[Phil Duckett]

I think I said undergarments.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, undergrounds. I'm gonna say clothes.

[Phil Duckett]

Don't say that. Some of my best gifts were clothes. Like, especially. I had something I want, like a Balenciaga hooky hoodie or something.

[Turner Sparks]

That's a. I'm gonna stick with clothes.

[Producer]

Clothes is not on the list.

[Turner Sparks]

Come on.

[Phil Duckett]

It's a good gift, especially if it's clothes you.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, what if they don't fit? You know? People don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, that's totally different. The clothes aren't good. They just don't know who you are.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, what do we want? One to one.

[Producer]

Yeah, let's do one more guess each.

[Turner Sparks]

One more each.

[Phil Duckett]

My guess. And this is off. Off of experience. I'm gonna go calendar. I had a family member that gave me a calendar every year for the next year. It was a quantity calendar.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, they were trying to get you into the.

[Phil Duckett]

No, they just wanted me to have, like, black heritage, so it's always a black. But it was a Kwanzaa calendar, and I just. Somebody don't celebrate Kwanza. I was like, cool, when's MLK Day?

[Turner Sparks]

A calendar is like. This is pre phones. Pre, like, social.

[Phil Duckett]

I still get one every year.

[Turner Sparks]

You're like, I have a calendar.

[Phil Duckett]

90S, bro.

[Turner Sparks]

I can check my phone.

[Phil Duckett]

I get a black calendar, and it's great artwork. It's black art on the calendar. Yeah, but at the same time, like, just buy me the painting.

[Producer]

There's one on here that's kind of like that.

[Phil Duckett]

What does it say?

[Producer]

Anything Novelty. Is that a novelty? No. I'm gonna say no. Sorry.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, I'm ready to win. Fruitcake. Show me fruit.

[Phil Duckett]

Don't talk about yourself like that, Turner. You're projecting.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm not fruitcake. I'm fruit. Tea, peanuts.

[Phil Duckett]

You lost, Turner.

[Producer]

So the list is anything exercise or Diet related.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah. You're telling someone to lose weight.

[Phil Duckett]

If somebody gifted me a peloton, I'd be honored.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, anything.

[Producer]

That's obviously a re gift.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, statement mugs.

[Phil Duckett]

Best dad ever.

[Producer]

Oh, yeah, here's a good one. Pets.

[Turner Sparks]

A pet is the worst because you.

[Phil Duckett]

Literally just threw responsibility now. Unless.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, you're surprising dad.

[Phil Duckett]

Funny story. Now I don't even know if it's funny. I was dating this chick in my early 20s. She was the hottest chick I'd ever dated by far. I had never touched anybody of this caliber. Yeah, so I remember. And the only reason I dated this chick is because my mom got me a job right after college with her company. So I go start working with my mom. I meet this chick. She is gorgeous, ex model, works there. It worked out in the job. Mom. I remember telling my mom was like, mom, who is that? I have to have her. She's so.

[Turner Sparks]

I have to have her.

[Phil Duckett]

I have to have her. My mom was like, oh, that's such and such. She was like, that's a little out of your league, baby. She said she only dates real men. That's. Whoa. That's what my mom. That's what my mom said.

[Turner Sparks]

Whoa. You know they're out of your league when even your mom thinks you're out of your league.

[Phil Duckett]

I remember my mom saying it to me. I was like, the. Did you just say she only dates real. She's like, she likes doctors, lawyers, like men of a certain caliber. That right there split. I was like, I'm gonna get her.

[Turner Sparks]

Because I thought you're gonna say you were gonna go to medical school.

[Phil Duckett]

No, I'm gonna get her. I'm no. All that real men. I'm gonna get her.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So now I'm. I'm backing on her every day. Like, you know, I mean, I'm dropping off lunch, breakfast is flowers. I get her.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

I remember the first time we have sex. I almost, literally after I nut it, almost text my mom like, hey, mom, got you bag your bitch. I almost said that. But whatever. To the point where me and this girl end up started dating.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

Dating to the point where I move in with her. She has her own apartment. I'm. I'm 23 years old. First girl I've ever lived with.

[Turner Sparks]

How old? She.

[Phil Duckett]

She's 26, I was going to say.

[Turner Sparks]

Sounds older.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, she was older. She was ex model, gorgeous. So Christmas time's coming. I remember I asked her, I say, what do you want for Christmas? She's like, I don't really Know yet. So I was like, okay. So I asked her again, like a couple weeks. I was like, hey, Christmas coming up. What do you want? She's like, I really want a puppy. And I remember. I was like, no, but for real, what do you want?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

She was like, I really want a puppy.

[Turner Sparks]

And so I was like, so she was a lunatic.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, here's hindsight's 20 20. Completely unhinged.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Can't believe you. Unhinged. But I didn't know this at the time.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So I literally, like, kind of just let it die down. I was like, I'll ask her a little later. So, like, maybe about a week before Christmas. I said, hey, Christmas coming up. I really got.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, you gotta be honest with me.

[Phil Duckett]

I was like, what do you. What's something that you actually want? She was like, I really don't want anything. She's like, but all I can think about is a puppy. So I was like, okay. So I'm like, my head. I was like, I'm gonna get her a puppy.

[Turner Sparks]

But she didn't say what breed.

[Phil Duckett]

This is what I didn't realize as a child.

[Turner Sparks]

What? So there's a lot of different, of.

[Phil Duckett]

Course, me being on a budget.

[Turner Sparks]

You get her a budget puppy.

[Phil Duckett]

You don't want a budget dog if you are on a budget. You need to go to the shelter.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, no.

[Phil Duckett]

A budget dog. I was like, I want a good dog. So I go to Craigslist. I get on Craigslist.

[Turner Sparks]

Craigslist.

[Phil Duckett]

I go to the. Go to the sale ads.

[Turner Sparks]

No petsmart.

[Phil Duckett]

Nobody budget.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

I find a guy on Craigslist selling puppies.

[Turner Sparks]

It's now a criminal operation going on. This guy's, like, illegally breeding dogs.

[Phil Duckett]

I was like, hey, I have a surprise.

[Turner Sparks]

What's his name? Michael Vick.

[Phil Duckett]

I have. First of all, don't disrespect Vic. It was his homeboys fighting dogs. All right? But I go. I go. I said, we're going to go get this. We're going to. I was like, I got a surprise for you. She's like, phil Ross, I can't tell you. So we. On the way, we go and we're driving. She's like, where are we going? I said, we're going to pick up your puppy. She, oh, my God. You got me a puppy. We get to the spot.

[Turner Sparks]

Had you seen the puppy? Never.

[Phil Duckett]

There were no pictures. We get to the place, there are puppies, and they're. To me, they're gorgeous puppies. Like, she wants a puppy. These are great puppies.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I pick out those. Like, he's perfect. His name was Diesel. I named him Diesel. He was a boxer, pit bull mix.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

He was beautiful. He was brindle, too. He had the tiger stripes.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm like, this is the dog? Did I get her the dog? I'm so excited because I'm like, I got her what she wanted. And at the time, she was like, oh, my God, he's so adorable. She took care of him for three days. Then she goes, hey, I really have a crazy work schedule this week. Can you take the puppy back to your house? I was like, of course.

[Turner Sparks]

You got yourself a puppy.

[Phil Duckett]

Got myself a puppy. So for three fucking weeks, the dog is in a kennel at my house for like, eight hours a day because I'm at work.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my God.

[Phil Duckett]

So I'm having my roommate let him out and all that. Not to mention the puppy's never been dewormed. So every time he shits, it looks like oodles of noodles coming out of his ass.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my God.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm literally. My hands are full. Brand new puppy worms, everything. But now I love the puppy because he's the greatest dog ever. So now I'm paying for vet bills. So it gets to the point I said, hey, when can I bring the dog to you? She was like, I'll let you know. I'm just so busy with work.

[Turner Sparks]

I was like, weeks and weeks.

[Phil Duckett]

This is a month later, she still wouldn't take the puppy back.

[Turner Sparks]

She's a deadbeat dog mom. Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

She was a deadbeat fucking dog mom. So finally I get to where I said, hey, I cannot keep the dog here. My roommates are bitching. I got to give you the puppy. She's like, fine, bring them to my house. I bring them to her house.

[Turner Sparks]

Now she's mad at you.

[Phil Duckett]

Whatever. This is the crazy part.

[Turner Sparks]

No good deed goes unpunished.

[Phil Duckett]

So the next that week, I come home from work, I go from work, I go to her house. I'm gonna stay at your house this week. I come home, the kennel's empty. I said, where is Diesel? She's like, oh, he's staying at my cousin's house for a couple of days because he needed more room to run around. I just couldn't take care of him. I was, okay. Two weeks go by, still no Diesel. I said, hey, when are you going to get Diesel back? And she was like, what do you mean? I said, where's D? Where's the dog? I was like, it's been two weeks. You said you were going to pick him up when you were free from work. She's like, oh, I told my cousin she could keep him. I just couldn't handle him.

[Turner Sparks]

She gave the dog.

[Phil Duckett]

She gave my dog away while I was at work. Never got him back. And the thing is, if I'm being honest, I don't know if my cousin's house is a fucking. Like a code for we put him down.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

But we. I've never seen Diesel, to this day.

[Turner Sparks]

12 years later, put to pasture.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't. Diesel is running out at pasture right now, but she gave my dog away while I was at work. And I'm telling you, that was the beginning of the end. I never was able to forgive her for that.

[Turner Sparks]

How long did you stay with her after that?

[Phil Duckett]

Two years.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, she was pretty. She was pretty hot.

[Phil Duckett]

She was smoking.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. All right. We will be right back with your black and white advice, questions and answers.

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[Turner Sparks]

Hey, you want to get bonus content, early episodes and have your questions answered on the show?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, then subscribe to our [e-mail] blackandwhiteadvice and subscribe right now.

[Turner Sparks]

Do it and we'll get you a shout out on a future episode.

[Phil Duckett]

And I might call you the N word.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we're back with your black and white advice questions. First question. This is from Vicki in Burlington, Vermont. Vicki says, hi, I'm a white vegetarian from Vermont and I have a black roommate. I love her to death. However, Jesus, when you lead with I.

[Phil Duckett]

Love her to death makes me think otherwise.

[Turner Sparks]

Are you ready? However, I'm just reading. However, she stinks up the whole apartment every night when she's cooking soul food.

[Phil Duckett]

I thought it was going to go somewhere else.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm tired of my apartment smelling like meat. She says, what's the best way to politely say something to her about it?

[Phil Duckett]

I wouldn't say anything. Maybe it was time for you to try a chicken wing.

[Turner Sparks]

I was going to say, I think I'm not vegetarian, but I think you're allowed to smell me, right?

[Phil Duckett]

You are. But you know what? You're allowed to smell me. But every. Every vegan. I don't know. Vegetarian. Vegetarians are normally pretty chill people.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

They just don't eat meat. Vegans, on the other hand, they're like, I can just smell the blood leaving. Oh, God.

[Turner Sparks]

They don't want to be around it.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. And I'm like.

[Turner Sparks]

And also the. Any fur. Any, like, your clothing.

[Phil Duckett]

Right. And that's like, I'm not changing up my lifestyle for you. Like, it's one thing for you not to agree with it. When you start speaking on, like, my dietary, like, regimen. It's like, it's too much because I don't talk to you about that bland ass you eat.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Cashew cheese. And like. Yeah, like, give, like. Shut up, you. First of all, you. I'm your roommate. As long as I pay the rent, who gives a. What it smells like?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. And smells are allowed. Smells are not off limit.

[Phil Duckett]

I didn't ask you to eat the shit.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. I mean.

[Phil Duckett]

But you know what's crazy? I met a vegan like that before where I was eating a Whopper, and he was like, ugh, I just hate what that's doing to your body.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

He ended up killing himself.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, real? Yeah. That was a roller coaster of the story. Is it? Here's my question, though, rereading this. That was a. I don't even know where to go from that. That was. That was pretty wild, y'all.

[Phil Duckett]

The name. When we get over here.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm trying to pivot here, but here's my question. This lady says she. She cooks soul food every night. I'm sorry, does anyone cook soul food every night? I think. I think this.

[Phil Duckett]

Veggies don't say anything else. White Turner, Are there people who cook called soul food? It's called food that people cook food every night.

[Turner Sparks]

But I'm trying to say the same thing as you.

[Phil Duckett]

Black people cook food every night. Is it soul? Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

This lady's calling it. She says she cooks soul food every night. I'm sure she mixes up the menu. It's not specific.

[Phil Duckett]

Means black food.

[Turner Sparks]

That's what I'm trying to get to. I think she just means if you're a veg, if you're a deep vegan, maybe there's any food with meat. You think?

[Phil Duckett]

And soul food. There ain't a black dish out there that ain't got meat in it. We season our fudgeing vegetables with ham hock knuckles and shit. You know, I Mean, so. So you're going to smell meat. Because there's not a dish out there that doesn't have a seasoning of meat or type of like, you know, I mean, yeah, bone broth, but also that's.

[Turner Sparks]

Just to the most of the world, that's food.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. People cook food every night.

[Turner Sparks]

People cook food every night. She calls it.

[Phil Duckett]

So your closet at racist ass is calling it. They cook soul food.

[Turner Sparks]

That's my point.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Okay, so it seems like you have some things to work out, miss Burlington. All right. Everything's not maple syrup.

[Turner Sparks]

Now, in the spirit of the person writing in is on our side, I do have a couple tips I can give her. Her.

[Phil Duckett]

Please, I'd like to hear them.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, step one, if you want to. I'm not on this person's side, but I'm going to help her out. If you want to somehow fight back in a way that I guess would be very passive aggressive. Because that's how. If you're writing into us, you're a passive aggressive human being. You don't know how to confront your own roommate if she's going to cook food that you don't like the smell of. There is vegan food that smells disgusting. So in China, they stinky. Tofu is a dish.

[Phil Duckett]

So tofu is not bad enough. They make it stinky.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. It's like fermented milk that sits around for a couple months as far as I know. A couple months, I could be slightly wrong. And then it's braised and it smells like a garbage can. And it's. When you eat it, it's okay. In my opinion. Okay. Food, it's not great. Now, Chinese people will tell you, like, it's a. You just got to get past the smell. It's amazing. But then you get past the smell and you go, that was fine.

[Phil Duckett]

It's their chitlins.

[Turner Sparks]

It's their chitlins. Wow. Yeah, it's Chinese. Chinese chitlins.

[Producer]

It's actual tofu toe jam food.

[Turner Sparks]

That's why he's the best producer in the business. So you could do stinky tofu and just start cooking that non stop in the house. Now you're gonna have a fight on your hands.

[Phil Duckett]

Definitely gonna be a fight. She gonna probably dog walking.

[Turner Sparks]

And the other option is durian. Do you know durian? That fruit.

[Phil Duckett]

Fruit.

[Turner Sparks]

There's this fruit out in. In.

[Phil Duckett]

In India.

[Turner Sparks]

In Asia, I think probably in India. Well, I guess India's part of Asia that's not allowed in. In hotels, like especially Thailand. In Thailand, they're Like, do not. I know there's durian falling out of trees and you want to go take your tourist. You want to take it really bad. It smells so bad they won't allow it in hotels.

[Phil Duckett]

But it's a fruit.

[Turner Sparks]

It's a fruit. You cut it. It's like type of a melon almost. But you cut her open and it will smell stink.

[Phil Duckett]

So you know how starving you would have to be like the first person to discover that they were on death's door?

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

And they cut that open. They're like dying on a beach. I'll eat.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

At this point.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And they're like, oh, it didn't kill me.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Have you ever had it?

[Turner Sparks]

I've had it. I don't find it that bad, actually. But people will smell it on you for like a week. They're like, do you have durian? Last Wednesday.

[Phil Duckett]

That bad, is it? So the taste isn't as bad as it smells?

[Turner Sparks]

The taste is good. The smell is pretty bad.

[Producer]

What does it smell or taste like?

[Phil Duckett]

But my smell is going to.

[Turner Sparks]

It tastes like a rotten melon.

[Phil Duckett]

The smell is going to affect my taste. It's all connected, ear, nose and throat. What you smell is what you taste.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, I'm not saying it's great. I don't go out of my way to eat it. But yeah, it tastes like a rotten melon. Or the rotten or the stinky tofu. Smells like just a garbage can. Anyway, point is, Vicky, you'll put anything.

[Phil Duckett]

In your body, won't you, Turner?

[Turner Sparks]

I'll try anything. I do have a friend. He'll say. He says he'll put anything in his mouth at least once.

[Phil Duckett]

That is insane. That is absolutely unhinged.

[Turner Sparks]

Next question. This is from Jalen in Houston. He says, I'm a black guy, 31 years old. I've noticed every white group of friends has at least one guy who wears shorts even when it's cold outside.

[Phil Duckett]

That's their thing.

[Turner Sparks]

Why?

[Phil Duckett]

They run hot, you know?

[Turner Sparks]

I can answer the question. Why?

[Phil Duckett]

Okay, you answer, why?

[Turner Sparks]

They're a fat guy.

[Phil Duckett]

No, I see nothing but skinny whites.

[Turner Sparks]

Skinny white guys wear shorts, flip flops in the winter, like all winter. Every school. Every school. This is so true. Every group of friends, every school has the one guy who's just. He. That's his thing. In high school, I'm the guy who wears shorts every day. And that's how he wants to be known as. It's almost his personality type.

[Phil Duckett]

No, I mean, that makes sense, but I think it goes deeper.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think it makes. I don't understand.

[Phil Duckett]

I think it goes deeper than that. Yalls heritage, you know, y'all come from that Scandinavian peninsula. Y'all run hot your whole, you know, I mean, whites come from the cold. That's. That's what darker pigments were meant for. Hot. That's why they eventually evolved into darker people.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, I mean, I know life started in Africa, but as they ventured out, people changed. White. White people. Like my girl, she is Norwegian.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

It's 20 degrees outside and she's like, I'm burning up in this coat.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, me too.

[Phil Duckett]

And it's like, are you out of your fucking mind?

[Turner Sparks]

I have to sleep. No covers. And yeah. Is like my wife's bundled up.

[Phil Duckett]

I bundle. Only my nose is.

[Turner Sparks]

I have nothing. I just literally not like all winter long.

[Phil Duckett]

I burrow.

[Turner Sparks]

Too hot.

[Phil Duckett]

I burrow.

[Turner Sparks]

That's what it is. We come from Scandinavia, so we. Our body has to keep us.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. So you still. You run hot all the time.

[Turner Sparks]

But I don't know. Is that shorts guy? I think he just wants to be cool.

[Phil Duckett]

No, no, no, no.

[Turner Sparks]

It's looking comfort thing, but in like 20. I've seen it in 20 degrees snowing outside. And he goes, nope, this is who I am. Shorts. Usually they're cargo shorts.

[Phil Duckett]

You ever watch NFL games?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You see them white dudes with no shirts on with the body paint? You ever see a black dude do that? I ain't never seen it.

[Turner Sparks]

No, I'm saying, but these are fat guys.

[Phil Duckett]

Fat or just white? Do white people run hotter?

[Turner Sparks]

There's also the coaches. Like the offensive line coach will be wearing shorts for the.

[Phil Duckett]

In the middle when you're playing the game. That's different because your body temperature is so high.

[Turner Sparks]

No, but the coach is sitting on the sidelines.

[Phil Duckett]

You still got adrenaline.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay. I think you're right.

[Phil Duckett]

I think it goes back to Scandinavia. I did my 23andMe. You know what I mean?

[Turner Sparks]

What'd you come out as? Scandinavian?

[Phil Duckett]

Nothing. I'm Glasgow.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah, you're Scottish.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Look at you. William.

[Turner Sparks]

This was John Connery. Oh, is he Scottish?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was Scottish.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, next question. Paul in Tacoma, Washington. I'm a 20 year old atheist.

[Phil Duckett]

Makes sense.

[Turner Sparks]

In my mostly white friend group, everyone thinks that's pretty cool. And I like to think it shows people I'm open minded and smart. However, now I have a black girlfriend and she said I can't tell her parents about it. Is this just her or will this be similar? If I Date another black girl.

[Phil Duckett]

This majority of our community, you're going to hell.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, I agree.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. No, we black people, even black people who do some of the crazy shit, majority of us believe in a higher power. Just. And it goes back to our grandmothers. Most black, Even if you don't believe in God, Like, I know some younger black people say shit like that, which is very. Still very rare, but I've heard. But if you go look down there, their grandmother is very devout Christian because it's just. It's how we were raised. He came up. They, you know, a lot of grandmothers are like, God got us through slavery. He'll get us there. I'm like, well, he could have moved a little faster, but you know what I mean? So. But no, it's like a thing. I'm very. You know, I live a wild life, but I still pray every day. I still go to church. You know what I mean? So that's just. That is our heritage, you know, I mean, we are. And especially most black people migrate. Even the ones in New York, their grandparents are in the South. Their family's in the South. Southern black people, even the prostitutes go to church in the South. They go suck dick and then go to church and then go back to.

[Turner Sparks]

Isn't that sweating like a whore in church?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, sweat like a sweat comes from. Or. Yeah, I was sweating a real thing. So, yeah, that's our heritage, you know, I mean, he goes back to slave times. Church was just a thing that happened.

[Turner Sparks]

So the only pushback I'll give is that's the same with us. Everyone's grandma goes to church. And I do. And I. We did. And I've always had grown up, but for sure, from, I would say middle of high school, late high school, until five years ago, as a white guy, you just don't tell people that because other white people will make fun of you. You.

[Phil Duckett]

That you're an atheist or go to church.

[Turner Sparks]

Do you go to church?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Why people?

[Turner Sparks]

Because it's. It's. It's become this almost. It's a sign if you're a real intellectual, you don't believe in God.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. How can you believe all this science?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You become a Scientologist in your Tom Cruise and you're still up.

[Turner Sparks]

But I will say this. Those same white people that'll make fun of the white guy, they're not going to go make fun of black people for going to church.

[Phil Duckett]

They will. They. They're not that brave.

[Turner Sparks]

Because it goes back to the Mike Tyson rule.

[Phil Duckett]

Exactly. I Don't know what he believed. Yeah, but black people, matter of fact, when black people here, you don't go to church, we automatically look at you crazy. Like you don't believe in nothing. Yeah, that's crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, so the answer is yes, Paul. And Tacoma, Washington, your beliefs to yourself. All right, final question is going to be for Patreon, everybody. That goes to everyone who subscribed to our Patreon page. Go to black and white. Go to patreon.com black and white advice and subscribe and you will get this bonus question and, and a bunch more stuff over on Patreon. But last thing we got to do before we go to that is white lies and dark truths. Our fact checking segment of the episode. Joe Russell, what did we get right? What did we get wrong today?

[Producer]

So you guys are talking about durian fruit. Yes, yes. Strong, pungent smell. So here's kind of what it smells like. A lot of people say it smells like rotting onions, turpentine, raw sewage, stale vomit, skunk spray, used surgical swabs, sulfur, honey roasted and rotted onion.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm telling you, it's not allowed in hotels throughout Asia.

[Phil Duckett]

You're like, it's really not as bad as they say.

[Turner Sparks]

Like next to the sign that says no smoking, it also will say no durian.

[Phil Duckett]

But how would they know if you brought in durian or you just have bad hygiene?

[Turner Sparks]

No, no, no. It's a different smell than bad hygiene. It's not a Subway. It just is. I know. It's a specific smell.

[Phil Duckett]

It's a sweet stuff.

[Turner Sparks]

There's. I was going to say there's a bit of sweet to it too. Yeah, you can smell it coming a mile away. And I'm not only that, but you. Like I said you could smell it on your. People can smell it on you. Like five days.

[Phil Duckett]

I would never eat something that they could smell on me five days later. I barely eat garlic.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, next one.

[Producer]

Apparently, yes, black people do succumb to coldness more than white people. Interesting, because a study just was done, it says that black households pay higher heating costs, so they keep it warmer. And then also In World War II, it says that some of the black soldiers had higher, like, frostbites and like, like more cold related diseases.

[Turner Sparks]

Wow.

[Phil Duckett]

We ain't built for that. We tropical. Typical people.

[Turner Sparks]

I had no idea. You know, my dad won't let us turn the heater on in the winter. What? Growing up.

[Phil Duckett]

What?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, because it was too expensive. So where did y'all live again? Northern California. It would get down to 40s and raining like. Or like low, high, high 30s.

[Phil Duckett]

Put on sweatsuits.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, you just have to, like, put on five layers. Because he's like, nah, we're gonna pay the electric bill. I don't think so. Meanwhile, he was like, he's a cpa. He's an accountant in town. He makes a nice living. He's a white collar worker who never allows to turn the heater on. And I brought that up on stage. And white audiences all like, yeah. Oh, yeah, me too. It's like a common thing because y'all.

[Phil Duckett]

Are built for the cold.

[Turner Sparks]

I guess we're built for the cold.

[Phil Duckett]

You won't die. It's only 20.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, that's the episode. That's it. We will see you all on Patreon. Stay black.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, say black, you've got a question.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

But you're scared to ask? Just drop the boys a message? Cause they're up to the task? They're rolling the dice? They ain't always nice? But you can't think twice? When giving black and white advice? Black and white advice.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Phil Duckett]

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