"Do Black People Do April Fools?"

Summary

Black and White Advice: Episode Summary – "Do Black People Do April Fools?"

Released on April 8, 2025

Hosts:

• Turner Sparks (White)
• Phil Duckett (Black)

---

Introduction

In this episode of Black and White Advice, comedians Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett tackle the intriguing question posed by Aaron from Folsom, California: "Do Black People Do April Fools?" As usual, the duo delves deep into matters of race and culture with their characteristic humor and candidness, aiming to educate and entertain their listeners.

---

Live Show Anecdote: Medford, Oregon Incident ([08:21] – [15:05])

Turner Sparks shares a vivid account of his experience performing a live show in Medford, Oregon, alongside his friend Carl Lee, known as Black Carl, the town's sole black resident. During the show, an unruly 70-year-old biker attempted to disrupt the performance multiple times. Carl adeptly managed the situation, eventually banning the individual from the venue.

• Turner Sparks recounts:

  "[...] the guy claims he got assaulted by whoever who owns the club. Who was he talking with? [...] I was like, oh, well, Carl was working the door. He's like, oh, okay." ([12:44])

• Phil Duckett adds:

  "We normally never do. Plenty of black men have died behind those false accusations, Carl. Stay black, brother." ([14:43])

The incident led to police involvement, with Turner feeling caught in the middle. Ultimately, Carl's handling of the situation reinforced his role as the venue's protector, earning him further respect within the community.

---

Listener Questions and Discussions

1. Main Question: Do Black People Do April Fools? ([31:16] – [35:12])

   Aaron from Folsom, California, asks whether Black people participate in April Fools' Day pranks. Turner and Phil explore the cultural significance and historical context of pranks within the Black community.

   • Turner Sparks reflects:

     "A lot of people said no, because they said America has fooled black people too many times. And they said the Tuskegee Experiment, and it was 15 times that." ([33:05])

   • Phil Duckett counters:

     "No, it's really not a color. [...] Just kidding. It was April Fools. And you're like, are you out of your fucking mind?" ([32:15])

   The hosts acknowledge that while pranks are universal, historical injustices have influenced the perception and participation of Black individuals in such cultural practices.

2. Milk Consumption Habits ([21:44] – [42:54])

   A question from Justin in Baltimore prompts a humorous yet insightful discussion on why White people often drink milk during meals, contrasting it with Black families' dietary habits.

   • Phil Duckett jokes:

     "We were drinking Pepsi's, playing football. Wrecking milk does the body good, bitch." ([22:30])

   • Turner Sparks reminisces:

     "We all drank milk because we thought it was going to, like, make us right." ([22:30])

   They delve into generational differences, societal pressures, and cultural expectations surrounding dietary choices, particularly the emphasis on milk consumption for strength.

3. Julio's Inquiry: Renaissance Fairs and Cultural Interests ([35:22] – [38:37])

   Julio, a Mexican living in Seattle, wonders why his White girlfriend is eager to attend a Renaissance fair, driving eight hours to do so. Turner and Phil dissect this by comparing Renaissance fairs to other cultural phenomena like Comic-Con, highlighting perceived disparities in cultural engagement and priorities.

   • Phil Duckett asserts:

     "We got bills to pay in our communities, Julio. And that's why you ain't never been no comic, Conor." ([36:02])

   • Turner Sparks advocates:

     "I think we need more Renaissance is. If this is a thing that's entertaining nerds, we need more things for nerds to be entertained with." ([39:18])

   The discussion underscores the importance of accessible cultural activities within diverse communities and critiques the escapism often sought by White individuals compared to the real-world challenges faced by Black communities.

---

Additional Topics and Stories

• School Experiences and Cultural Games ([27:00] – [30:52])

  The hosts and their guest, Joe Cosby, share nostalgic yet controversial memories of school games like "Smear the Queer" and "eresque fair," reflecting on how societal norms and sensitivities have evolved over time.

  • Phil Duckett humorously recalls:

    "What you say they did in Buffalo?" ([29:36])

  • Joe Cosby adds:

    "They had smores crying if anyone's listening and they've heard their parents talk about swimming naked, let us know." ([29:52])

• Phil Duckett’s Encounter at Point Reyes Station ([15:06] – [17:36])

  Phil shares an amusing story about performing at a saloon in Point Reyes Station, California, where his appearance alongside royalty-like figures earned him a revered status, humorously juxtaposed with Prince Philip.

  • Phil Duckett describes:

    "They took my picture right beside Prince Philip. I was like, dude, this is the sickest shit ever." ([16:10])

---

Humorous Banter and Host Insights

Throughout the episode, Turner and Phil engage in lighthearted banter, sharing personal anecdotes and jesting about each other's experiences. Their chemistry brings a lively dynamic to the discussions, making complex cultural topics accessible and entertaining.

• Turner Sparks jokes about Phil’s only fans presence:

  "I sent people a picture of the Happy April 1st from the April alligator. [...] It was a picture of an alligator, but actually it was a crocodile." ([34:43])

• Phil Duckett quips:

  "That is a white prank. He was like, this is great." ([35:12])

---

Conclusion

In "Do Black People Do April Fools?", Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett adeptly navigate through a blend of humor, personal experiences, and cultural critique. They address not only the initial question about April Fools' participation but also explore broader themes such as dietary habits, cultural engagement, and the evolution of societal norms. Their candid discussions provide valuable insights into the intersections of race, culture, and everyday life, all while maintaining an engaging and entertaining dialogue.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Turner Sparks ([33:05]):

  "A lot of people said no, because they said America has fooled black people too many times. And they said the Tuskegee Experiment, and it was 15 times that."

• Phil Duckett ([32:15]):

  "No, it's really not a color. [...] Just kidding. It was April Fools. And you're like, are you out of your fucking mind?"

• Phil Duckett ([22:30]):

  "We were drinking Pepsi's, playing football. Wrecking milk does the body good, bitch."

• Turner Sparks ([39:18]):

  "I think we need more Renaissance is. If this is a thing that's entertaining nerds, we need more things for nerds to be entertained with."

• Phil Duckett ([35:12]):

  "That is a white prank. He was like, this is great."

---

Final Note:

For those interested in exploring more candid discussions on race and cultural dynamics, Black and White Advice offers a blend of humor and insightful commentary. Subscribe to their Patreon for bonus content and early access to episodes.

Transcript

[Turner Sparks]

Aaron in Folsom, California, wants to know, oh, do black people do April Fools?

[Phil Duckett]

Have you ever had a question you wanted to ask the opposite race, but you were too nervous to ask?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

And this is black and white advice.

[Phil Duckett]

But we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones.

[Turner Sparks]

This is black and white advice.

[Phil Duckett]

You've got a question, but you're scared to ask.

[Turner Sparks]

Just drop the boys a message. Cause they're up to the task.

[Phil Duckett]

They're rolling the dice.

[Turner Sparks]

They ain't always nice, but you can.

[Phil Duckett]

I think twice and giving. Black and white, black and white.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, everybody, welcome to the show. I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

We got Joe the Muscle Russell on the ones and twos.

[Phil Duckett]

No, we don't. Joe's not here. Who do we, everybody?

[Turner Sparks]

It's your old pal. We got Joe Cosby, Billy Boy in.

[Phil Duckett]

Here among the ones and the twos and the threes and the fours. You see now, Rudy, Theo, you gotta.

[Turner Sparks]

Watch the show, you see, with the black and white advice. What about. That's so Raven. What's her name? Remember her?

[Phil Duckett]

Raven. So what was her.

[Turner Sparks]

She was a little kid.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Oh, fuck, I forgot her name.

[Turner Sparks]

I think her name was. That's so Raven, wasn't it?

[Phil Duckett]

My daughter Camille.

[Joe Cosby]

I'm just having myself a little drink back here, and I'll be running the show.

[Phil Duckett]

So he's. This is so much better than Rush.

[Turner Sparks]

Do this for now.

[Phil Duckett]

I told. I said, this is better than the Rush. That's so much better. This. That's.

[Joe Cosby]

I think I start just practicing my impressions on this show.

[Turner Sparks]

Maybe you be. This is your launch to Saturday Night Live. Can you do a Cosby on snl?

[Phil Duckett]

Will they stop that?

[Joe Cosby]

I don't think anyone could do that anymore.

[Phil Duckett]

Do you see Morgan Whand walked off snl?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. I don't know who he is.

[Phil Duckett]

Country singer. He's phenomenal. He's one of my favorite country singers.

[Turner Sparks]

Really? I don't know anything about country music.

[Phil Duckett]

I love country. But, yeah, Morgan Whelan. Why did they say they were like.

[Turner Sparks]

Morgan Whelan walked off. I'm like, you know when you don't know, it's like. It's like reading, like, a British tabloid to me. I'm like, But I've never heard any of these people. They have three teeth, so what do I care?

[Phil Duckett]

Good music.

[Turner Sparks]

So what's his deal? Why did he walk off?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, you know, snl, super liberal. He's super maga.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay. Is that. I don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I mean, I would assume so. He's a country singer, so, I mean, super maga, but I didn't really see why.

[Turner Sparks]

So why go on in the first place? Wouldn't you?

[Phil Duckett]

Just because he didn't think that, like, you know, he probably thought he was just gonna be doing some music. They probably like. I don't know. We'd have to do some research.

[Turner Sparks]

Maybe he did. I like how we're opening the show having no idea.

[Phil Duckett]

We're regular people, what we're talking about. Hey, listen, it was on barstools, so, you know, I mean, maybe you just.

[Joe Cosby]

Had to really bad. Like you ever gotten off stage and you're just like, I gotta go right to the bathroom.

[Phil Duckett]

Have you ever had to end the set early because you had to?

[Turner Sparks]

No, but I. No, I don't think I have.

[Phil Duckett]

I saw a comedian do that. I don't know if it was. He was just around. But he said he was like. He said. He was like. He said, guys, I gotta run. He was like, my stomach just locked on me.

[Turner Sparks]

No way.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I laughed so hard because I was like, I don't know if that's real or not, but my stomach just locked on me. He was like five minutes short.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, what about Cory Booker the other day? Spoke for 25 hours straight in front of Congress. Did you see that?

[Phil Duckett]

Filibustering? Yeah. He broke Strom Thurman's record of that. Racist. He's from South Carolina. That's how I know Strom Thur is. They have a high school named after him. Super racist. Yeah. Strom Thurman High School.

[Turner Sparks]

He. He did 24 hours to try to stop civil rights from going passing.

[Phil Duckett]

Uhhuh.

[Turner Sparks]

And then. So he did 25. But how did they. But then I. But then I read that.

[Phil Duckett]

I feel like back then it wouldn't have taken 24 hours. They were all racism. Like. Yeah, them 15 minutes later.

[Turner Sparks]

Pass. It was in the 60s.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, it was right during the time.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Yeah. But then. But how does Cory Booker go to the bathroom? This.

[Phil Duckett]

I watched it. He said that he had. He had prepared previous to it because he had gone 15 hours. So he took the same techniques, but he said he had fasted for days. And he said he hadn't had water in like two or three days.

[Turner Sparks]

No diaper.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, no. And he said that. But the thing is, he said when he finally did start drinking water because he was cramping so bad. But I mean, what do you talk about for 12? I feel like.

[Turner Sparks]

No, I was watching because I Was stuck on. I was stuck in Atlanta Airport for six of those hours from 5am to noon, and there's seven hours. And. And so I was. I was checking in and watching. He was. He was actually talking about issues the entire time. Whereas, like, they said Strom Thurman would just read out of the encyclopedia. He wasn't actually talking about Strom Thurman wasn't talking about.

[Phil Duckett]

He just fill in.

[Turner Sparks]

Normally when people do in the past, they. Yeah, they'll read like, the sports page. They'll go to espn.com they'll be like, now this. The jets beat the Giants. But then Cory Booker was doing.

[Phil Duckett]

Do people just sit there through that while they're reading the sports?

[Turner Sparks]

Usually no one's there. Literally everyone goes home.

[Phil Duckett]

Gotcha. I was wondering. I was like, is it required that you stay? No.

[Turner Sparks]

And. And when I was watching at 5am because I was stuck at the airport there, you could tell there was like one guy in the audience because he was kind of doing bits and they were just bombing. And I'm like, that was pretty good, actually.

[Phil Duckett]

And then people come back at the next workday like, oh, Corey's still here.

[Joe Cosby]

Yeah, I thought that was Keegan. Michael Key.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I could actually see that for sure.

[Turner Sparks]

Before we keep going to the show, I want to Patreon. We got to give a shout out to Patreon. We have new Patreon subscribers since the last time we shouted everybody out. We got Joe Barneson. What's up, Joe? Rebecca Grapevine, Gretchen.

[Phil Duckett]

Heard it through the grapevine.

[Turner Sparks]

Heard it through. Rebecca Grapevine, Gretchen Evans and Pascal Hauser. I believe he's in Austria. I know.

[Phil Duckett]

I love Pascal and the. The rest of us, the show, I don't know.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that page.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, that's Pedro Pascal.

[Turner Sparks]

That might be him. His name's Pascal Hauser.

[Phil Duckett]

They could be dyslexic.

[Turner Sparks]

And also, I want to start with an apology.

[Phil Duckett]

I need to the black community.

[Turner Sparks]

No, no, no. Well, to some of the black community. I need to apologize to Theo Dumas, Michael Taylor and Anthony Lawrence.

[Phil Duckett]

Why would they do.

[Turner Sparks]

They are. I said a few episodes ago that we only had one white, one black guy in our town. It was Bill Cartwright. Sons. Son. And those are my other friends who are black in the town.

[Phil Duckett]

And they were like, you son of a bitch.

[Turner Sparks]

So I have to make a Turner.

[Phil Duckett]

Turner was like, I don't see color.

[Turner Sparks]

Apology.

[Phil Duckett]

I thought you guys were like, me.

[Turner Sparks]

Theo Dumas, Anthony Lawrence and Michael Taylor. Michael Taylor's dad played for the Raiders.

[Phil Duckett]

So they're all rich's.

[Turner Sparks]

Cousin, Tony Dumas. Remember him from the. From the.

[Phil Duckett]

They got M. From the Detroit Pistons.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. And he played for the Mavs for a little while.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And then Anthony's sister was on.

[Phil Duckett]

So all the black people in your town come from professional athletes, Esther.

[Turner Sparks]

Not Anthony.

[Phil Duckett]

But the other Anthony's dad was the janitor.

[Turner Sparks]

No, but his sister did it up on ESPN for a while as, like, a host.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay, so successful black people are only type of black people your town accepts.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And then there's no Section 8 in Sacramento, my boy.

[Turner Sparks]

No, it's El Dorado Hills. Sacramento is mixing.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

Up the hill. So formal apology to those guys, my friends. Shout out to them.

[Phil Duckett]

Let me do have a shout out real quick because he listens. Shout out to Coach Stitt, man. Philip Stitt, my coach, man. He's in Texas, man. He listens to all the episodes. It threw me off so much when he was like, phil, you're not gonna call me the N word, are you? And I was like, what the are you talking about? And he was like, well, that's what you say in the. I said, wow, you really listen. I had no. I was like, why would I call you the N word?

[Turner Sparks]

What did he coach you in?

[Phil Duckett]

Basketball. College basketball.

[Turner Sparks]

College basketball.

[Phil Duckett]

But he was. I've known him before. He coached me. He was my dad's assistant coach in college. So he, growing up, he taught me how to do a left hand layup because my dad was, like, always working stuff, so he would go in the gym and work with me. And then as I got older, I ended up going to play junior college basketball for him in Jacksonville, Florida.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And then he was. When I ended up going to play for my dad at Grambling State University, he was my dad's assistant. My dad brought him with him. And so I've known him my entire life, and he listens to our podcast when he's on Coach stint. S T I T T. Coach Stitt.

[Turner Sparks]

Shout out.

[Phil Duckett]

Coach Stit. What up, Phil?

[Turner Sparks]

Thanks for listening. Oh, yeah, one more apology. The barbershop that I trashed last week, it was. It's actually called George's Barbershop.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, we want to correct that. So, yeah, so. So we want to. In two barbershops, I said it was called Mr.

[Turner Sparks]

Right. That's actually a barbershop in Brooklyn Heights that I used to go to. And I couldn't remember the name, but it's.

[Phil Duckett]

They're probably phenomenal. And we just.

[Turner Sparks]

They're pretty good. They're pretty good. Yeah. But we did put Out a clip, trashing them on accident. So it's called. It' George's Barbershop with the Uzbekistan.

[Phil Duckett]

Uzbekistan Barbershop.

[Joe Cosby]

Don't worry, no one saw the clip.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh good. Oh good.

[Phil Duckett]

The clip is doing terrible. You're right. Nobody saw the clip. 2, 250 people don't even live here. Probably saw it.

[Turner Sparks]

Now, can I. I have a. I have something I want to ask you about. I did a show last week in Medford, Oregon with my buddy Carl Lee, who goes by Black Carl. He's the only black guy in Medford, Oregon. He hosts a show.

[Phil Duckett]

He lives there.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Cool.

[Turner Sparks]

He hosts a show every Friday and Saturday.

[Phil Duckett]

So he chose to call himself Black Carl even though he's the only black person there. So they know it's Black Carl.

[Turner Sparks]

He's the only guy in the whole town. The only black person in the whole town.

[Phil Duckett]

So that seems like unnecessary Carl.

[Joe Cosby]

Is there a white Carl?

[Turner Sparks]

I think there's a lot of white car.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

That's why, I think that's why because people when, when he said when people tell stories about him in town, they go, I was hanging out with Carl. And everyone goes, wait, black girl? Yeah, black girl.

[Phil Duckett]

Carl. Damn.

[Turner Sparks]

So Carl's got it, you know, he's. He's what? He's swimming upstream. He's. He's fighting a. He's by himself.

[Phil Duckett]

He is, right?

[Turner Sparks]

And then we do this show. He runs this great room every Friday, Saturday night. He's been doing it for 20 years in Medford, Oregon. I and I talked to him earlier today. He said I could tell the story. So Carl, book me.

[Phil Duckett]

You need another brother out there?

[Turner Sparks]

Anyway, the book him out to Medford, Oregon.

[Phil Duckett]

Bring me out, bro. I definitely pull up on your ass.

[Turner Sparks]

They call it Method Oregon. Oh, and there's a reason why. Oh, there was.

[Phil Duckett]

The shows were easy women.

[Turner Sparks]

Both show. Well, yeah, they're on meth, they're in the parking lot doing laps.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh man.

[Turner Sparks]

So both shows total packed and Saturday night Carl's on stage. He emcees and runs the room, does the whole thing. It's his show. Right. He's awesome. So then he hosts both shows. Saturday night I go up and he's at the back to the door to like he's security too. He's literally everything.

[Phil Duckett]

So then very on brand and you got to be security. Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

So I'm standing on stage and this old like biker, like a 70 year old white guy with long hair and like a Hell's Angels jacket just comes into the room and then I see Carl take him and just, like, not physically touch him, but, like, be like, hey, leave. Time to leave. No, no, you got to leave. You got to leave. He didn't want to buy a ticket. He wanted. And he came in halfway through my closing set, meaning he's. We're an hour into the show already, and he sold out, and he wants to disrupt. Right? So then Carl's like, no, get out of here. He gets out of there. It happens two more times. I'm the only one who can see it because I'm on stage two more times. And then the third time, Carl's, like, off somewhere else doing something. The guy comes in by himself. The old biker guy takes a bar, high top bar stool, sets it down in the middle of the showroom, and then stands there for, like, a beat. And then he doesn't realize Carl, like, trailed him back into the room. The second he sits the high stool, bars stool down, Carl just takes it and walks out the door. And the old guy's standing there watching my set. And then he. After like, two seconds, decides he wants to sit in that stool that's not there anymore. And just boom, like, calls back. Yeah. The whole place erupts. Everyone's like, everybody.

[Phil Duckett]

Because they saw him. The. The. Like the setup before. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

They could now kind of hear by the second or third time, they could hear the commotion. Like, what is going on?

[Phil Duckett]

While you're, like, doing your.

[Turner Sparks]

While I'm in my act. They're all having a good time. It's just a. It's a. Like a comedy club behaving itself with one guy causing problems. So then they. When the guy goes down, everyone's like, whoa. And I just started ripping on him from stage. And then he gets up and he goes, this is elder abuse. Elder abuse.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm calling a Hell's angel calls Helder. Abuse that. That man. Give it up. Give up your vest.

[Turner Sparks]

So it's at a hotel. The show's at, like, the. There's a bar that's attached to a hotel, right. So you stay at the hotel when you're doing the shows. So Sunday morning, I go to check out, the owner of the hotel is there, and he's like, hey, Turner, what happened to the show last night? I'm like, oh, I don't know. It's like a fun time. What are you talking about? He goes, well, the cops have been here all morning. I'm like, what? He goes, they said there was, like, this guy claims he got assaulted by the guy who owns the one black.

[Phil Duckett]

Man in the town, they was going to lynch him.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Hey, man, let's do a wellness check on Carl.

[Turner Sparks]

No. So then here's the. No, no, but here's what I want to ask you. So then they go, the guy goes, the guy said he got assaulted by whoever who owns the club. Who was he talking. Who was he in a commotion with? And I was like, oh, well, Carl was working the door. He's like, oh, so Carl.

[Phil Duckett]

So you snitched on him?

[Turner Sparks]

I, I. Not on purpose.

[Phil Duckett]

White people, man, not on purpose. They said, who was he? And all you had to say is, I don't know. It was dark. All you had to respond to it was dark.

[Turner Sparks]

No, no, wait, let me back up. He said the story before he told me the police. He goes, hey, what happened to the room last night? I'm like, oh, no, it was fine. And he goes, I heard there was like some type of skirmish. I was like, oh, yeah, Carl had to kick this guy out. He goes, oh, okay.

[Phil Duckett]

Not oh. He goes, the problem started.

[Turner Sparks]

He goes, well, the police were here. Yeah. And I just didn't know who to direct them towards. And I'm like, no, no, no.

[Phil Duckett]

He's like, we know now, though, Carl. Get your black ass out of town. We've been waiting to get you out of town for 20 years.

[Turner Sparks]

So then, so then I'm like, am I now? I'm a snitch, right?

[Phil Duckett]

No, no, you, no, no, not now. You're. You're a rat bastard. No, you're a rat.

[Turner Sparks]

So then I said, I will be. I said, I'll be a witness. But I also said I'm leaving the state in like 45 minutes.

[Phil Duckett]

I will testify, but I'm headed home out of here.

[Turner Sparks]

But I will testify, if needed, do.

[Phil Duckett]

A wellness check on Carl because he's catching hell in his town right now.

[Turner Sparks]

So then I called Carl.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, you gave him a heads up.

[Turner Sparks]

Later in the day. Yeah, I called him. I'm like, hey, just let you know what's going on. He goes, dude, that guy's every single weekend at our venue always causing problems. He's like, I know the cops. I'm going to be fine. Turns out he was fine. But then I called Carl today. Be like, am I allowed to say his name is Carl Lee? Check him out, follow him online. He goes, I was like, can I even tell this or is that, Is that all wrapped up? He goes, not only is it wrapped up with the police, the dude came back the next Friday and pretended like the whole thing didn't happen. And Tried to buy. He, like, did a George Costanza, and he tried to buy a stance.

[Phil Duckett]

Great. Just like it never happened.

[Turner Sparks]

And he tried to. He's like, oh, ticket for one, Police, please. And Carl was like, no, dude, you called the cops on me last Friday. And he was like, oh, no, I think it's fine. Tried to be like, all prim and proper. Meanwhile, as a Hell's Angel. So Carl now has banned him from the club and was like, if you come back, I'll call the cops on you.

[Phil Duckett]

Hey, Carl, bring me out there and we'll jump his ass. I'll get off the stage with that ass. We'll. We'll tap dance on that old man, that shit. No, I see it happening. I got your back, my dog.

[Turner Sparks]

Also, it's a brilliant move because the guy claims he got assaulted. He. He. Carl never touched him. He pulled a chair.

[Phil Duckett]

We normally never do. Yeah, plenty of black men have died behind those false accusations, Carl. Stay black, brother.

[Turner Sparks]

So anyway, okay.

[Joe Cosby]

Did this guy realize there's nothing fun left in the city to do? So right there, like, oh, I up.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, it's the only bar in town. It was hopping too. It was. So it's a hotel bar. So honestly, like, going into this, I was like, how many people this might be? 50, like, 80.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. So going in, I'm like, this might be kind of rough. Like a hot. I've done those hotel bars in Pennsylvania, you know, where there's like four people. I get there. It. It's like the thing to do in town. Not only is the. The showroom sold out, it looks like. Feels like cheers almost, but there's other rooms. There's a pool table room packed. There's a diner packed. Everyone in town hangs out of this one place. The parking lot's packed with people doing meth.

[Phil Duckett]

And I have a story like that on the west coast, actually, about a small town. It was a small town in Northern California. It's called Point Reyes Station.

[Turner Sparks]

I know Point Reyes.

[Phil Duckett]

They have Western Day where people come in horse and all that. So this chick, I won't say her name, but that's my boo. She got. She got this. She got this tatted when she met me. She heard me on a podcast, was a fan, and then she flew out to meet me in New York. She'd never been on a plane. Never been to New York, flew to New York.

[Turner Sparks]

She's from Point Reyes.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, she's from Oakland, but she works in Point Reyes. Okay, so she gets the. She gets the duck tat on her and then. So I end up flying out to Oakland. No, I fly out to Oakland. I was doing shows. She flew. What else? Either way, she flew out to meet me. Then after we had a good weekend, I went and saw her in Northern California. So I go to Point Reyes Station, where she works. They treated me like I was a God. Like. So she was like, this is Phil. He's a famous comedian from New York City. I'm like, famous, great. I'm at the Comedy Shop this weekend. But I go out there and so. So there's a she. She plays the guitar. And they had a music open mic at the saloon.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

An actual fucking saloon with the swinging door. It was sick.

[Turner Sparks]

Piano player. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Dude. It was so co. To me. It was cool. I was like, this is an actual saloon. They have a musical mic. So I'm there watching her. They word gets out we have a famous New York City comedian there. So they're like, please do a set for us. I do 12 minutes.

[Turner Sparks]

You did.

[Phil Duckett]

Destroyed the. No way I'm talking. Absolutely.

[Turner Sparks]

And it was an open mic music night.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, it was open mic music. So everybody was singing, playing good instruments, and they were like, we have a comedian.

[Turner Sparks]

It was a hoedown.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. They were like, could you please just do like, a little bit? It. I was like, all right, cool. They loved it to the point where they took my picture. The only other person that's been famous that's been in that town was Prince Philip in 1995. And they put my picture right beside Prince Philip.

[Turner Sparks]

Is. Isn't he the pedophile one?

[Phil Duckett]

Who cares?

[Turner Sparks]

But that's Prince Andrew. Prince Andrew, yeah. Amazing.

[Phil Duckett]

But the Phillips cancel each other out. One pedo, one real. And they have my picture of in that bar to this day, right beside the royalty. I was like, dude, this is the sickest shit ever.

[Turner Sparks]

What do you open with? Like, crowd work? What do you do when it's just.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, of course. I opened record like I was hosting.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I. I gave a couple riffs on the town and like, in the. And then I just went into material.

[Turner Sparks]

That's what I've learned. Anything you say local, go local.

[Phil Duckett]

But that's right. Anytime I'm on the road, I never jump in. You'd have to be a rookie to do that.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Always give them something they can relate to. Get them on your side. Once you're on. Once they're on your side, they'll get. Let you do whatever you want. But. But normally, like, when I'm on the road, what I do is I Find whatever local newspaper they have. And I just read it. And you do that. I always do that.

[Turner Sparks]

They always said, who is it that used to do that? Like, they would request. I feel like, like all the 80s 90s comics.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, yeah, back then it was a lot harder. I mean, I got. I got my phone, so I'm like, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

They were like in the green room. I wanted a news.

[Phil Duckett]

Today's newspaper, and I just read what's happened. I'm like, that mayor of yours, huh? And they're like, oh, yeah, I'd always do that in any city, any town, just find the.

[Turner Sparks]

I would just tell people I bought meth in the parking lot. And in most cities in America these days, that hits.

[Phil Duckett]

See, but see, I feel like that's kind of what they expect. I'm like, no, I got to give them something they know that I've done some research on. Like, I know who the fuck y'all are.

[Turner Sparks]

Then the mayor's there.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

In the front row.

[Phil Duckett]

I was like, oh, he's fucking stealing money. I said, look at him. He definitely. Yeah. He's like, oh, this guy's funny. I'm like, I'm dead fucking serious.

[Joe Cosby]

I heard a story about Colin Quinn. He had to do a corporate event. It was like a three day, let's say like a dentist convention or something like that. So his show is on the next day. So he spent an entire day there going to all the different seminars and just learned about the whole thing so you could make fun of it the next day.

[Turner Sparks]

Brilliant.

[Phil Duckett]

That's brilliant. It is. You got. People don't realize, like, yeah, you're naturally funny, but it's all. It's. You have to be relatable. That's all comedy is. You have funny material that you do one night and it bombs the next night because they have. They can't relate. They have no idea what you're talking to. So when you're on the road, if I'm like, if they can relate to it, they're going to automatically.

[Turner Sparks]

I also think there's, like. You would never walk up to a conversation of people you don't know and just start talking about yourself.

[Phil Duckett]

Right, exactly.

[Turner Sparks]

You would start talking about them.

[Phil Duckett]

Right.

[Turner Sparks]

And then once you're in, then go to your. So I do the same thing with stand up. I'm like, the first few minutes is going to be about you guys. And I'll try. If I. If I'm in a day early, I'll try to drive around and take notes.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Of like, whatever the weird street signs are whatever. Anything like that.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, should we get to it? We got questions, you got questions, we got answers. Let's get to our. Oh, wait. Last thing we should promote before we get to that is May 22nd. We're doing a live show in New York City.

[Phil Duckett]

Hey, man, if you're even close. Poughkeepsie, Albany, Sacramento, come on in. Get to the show.

[Turner Sparks]

Tickets are on sale now. You got a month and a half, whatever it is, till we're actually doing it. Get your tickets. And if you go to Patreon, if you subscribe to our patreon patreon.com blackand white advice you your ticket's free, so just do that. That's five bucks. Sign us up, help us get to our 250 goal. And then. And then you get in free at the New York Comic Club. And people have been asking the question. So here's the answer. If you don't live here, if you live like, like, like Pascal Houser, if you live in Austria, but you're a Patreon subscriber, we're going to put it out. We'll put the video of it out.

[Phil Duckett]

On page and you get a free link to Turner's only fans. So sure.

[Turner Sparks]

Because I don't have one. So great. But do you have one?

[Phil Duckett]

No. But you know what's crazy? It's not like a lot to do it. They all. Well, they're not naked. They're doing comedy.

[Turner Sparks]

Guys, I'm wondering because that's how Brad Upton is.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, a lot of. I mean, Erica Sparrow, all them, like, they like El Orlando. They have a comedy. They want to get away from just being known for like sensual porno shit. So they started. They made a comedy channel so that you have to pay these people subscription to watch their stand up and that's what they're doing. Because I was like, you have an only fans. And I saw one girl wearing onlyfans socks. I'm like, you have a page. She was like, yeah, comedy. I was like, naked comedy. It's regular. Yeah. Onlyfans are trying to branch out recently.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm like, wow, that's a lot of comedians.

[Phil Duckett]

They're not naked. Not. It's not the pandemic anymore.

[Turner Sparks]

Got it.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

So we'll be right back.

[Phil Duckett]

Black and white.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, you want to get bonus content, early episodes and have your questions answered on the show?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, then subscribe to our [e-mail] blackand white advice and subscribe right now.

[Turner Sparks]

Do it and we'll Give you a shout out on a future episode.

[Phil Duckett]

And I might call you the N word.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we're back with the black and white advice, questions and answers. The first question comes from Justin in Baltimore.

[Phil Duckett]

He be more, what up?

[Turner Sparks]

What's up, Justin? He says, I used to work valet parking with a bunch of black guys. I remember they asked me why white people drink milk at dinner, and I never had an answer. Why do we.

[Phil Duckett]

You can take that because that's a question we've all wanted to know.

[Turner Sparks]

So is that. I didn't realize that was even.

[Phil Duckett]

I grew up in white neighborhoods. White families went through, like, three gallons of milk a week.

[Turner Sparks]

A lot of milk in our family.

[Phil Duckett]

Lot of milk. Somehow y'all still broke bones.

[Turner Sparks]

No. The only question it was. No, it was drilled. I don't know if it's. It was drilled into our heads in the 80s and 90s that to be strong, you had to drink milk. Then. No one told us you had to exercise. No one told us you had to lift weights. No. I didn't know a single white kid who lifted weights. But we all drank milk because we thought it was going to, like, make us right.

[Phil Duckett]

Meanwhile, we were drinking Pepsi's, playing football. Wrecking milk does the body good, bitch.

[Turner Sparks]

So we just drank milk. And then. So milk at dinner, milk at breakfast, milk at lunch, milk. As much milk as possible. And the way you judged other families in the neighborhood was what percent milk they drank?

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, we was a 2% family.

[Turner Sparks]

So we were. We were 2. We were 2% whole milk all the time. Whole milk was white trash.

[Phil Duckett]

Whole milk was white trash.

[Joe Cosby]

I want to be able to chew that milk.

[Turner Sparks]

The whole milk family's in the neighborhood. My mom be like, I don't know if you can play at their house. They drink whole milk, yo. And then the 1%, it's like, whoa, what are you on a. What are you, like, health kick all the. Yeah. All of a sudden you're, like, trying to be a supermodel. It's like cocaine. She skim.

[Phil Duckett]

Because I had. Well, we always.

[Turner Sparks]

2% way whole milk.

[Phil Duckett]

I could do, but it was a little thick. But skim milk. I remember, like, I was at a white family's house, and I spent the night at a buddy's.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And they had skim milk. And I remember they put it in the cereal. I was like, y'all could just put water totally in this shit.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

It's getting milky water.

[Turner Sparks]

And then the family. You could literally never go to their house. It was yoohoo. Just the Chocolate milk family.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I'm like, yoo. That was a treat. That was like dessert for the white family.

[Turner Sparks]

There were kids who would just drink. They just have.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, your parents. This is a lawless land. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

They go, oh, you want some milk? We got milk in the fridge. It's just all, yoo hoo.

[Phil Duckett]

No, see, we see my family. If we gonna drink chocolate milk. You had to make your chocolate milk put. You get your milk. Go get that Hershey's syrup in there.

[Turner Sparks]

That's sick.

[Joe Cosby]

That's the best kind.

[Turner Sparks]

It is, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Cause Nesquik was awful. It was so much sand at the bottom of the cup. I was like, I can't drink this. This is sediment. And I hated. It would be powdery at the bottom even, no matter how much you stirred it.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You get a mouthful of powder at the end. I was like, this is ghetto. Yeah. Now give me the regular.

[Joe Cosby]

Also, you know when you're making your chocolate milk with the Hershey's syrup, of course you're gonna take a little sip of that syrup.

[Phil Duckett]

Joe said it's so naughty. Curse you. Gonna take a little sip of that syrup.

[Joe Cosby]

Little squeeze for yourself.

[Turner Sparks]

It's like when it's the child. The children version of when you're like, blowing up balloons and then you just take a hit for yourself.

[Phil Duckett]

Am I the only one that loves strawberry milk?

[Turner Sparks]

I didn't like strawberry.

[Phil Duckett]

Strawberry. To this day, I'll drink a strawberry milk. Oh, it's so good.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. I wasn't a fan. And then what would happen? The parents. This is how much we love milk. The parents would all drink Slim Fast. That was a big thing. Which was like adults chocolate milk.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, it was. And it had more sugar than regular chocolate. Slim Fast didn't get anybody skinny. I don't give a. Nobody got skinny on Slim Fat.

[Turner Sparks]

And talk about chalky. It was pure chalk.

[Phil Duckett]

It was protein. It was like weightlifting protein shakes.

[Joe Cosby]

Why are Dad's farts so bad?

[Turner Sparks]

Slim Fast.

[Phil Duckett]

Slim.

[Turner Sparks]

I remember my parents. There was like one week where they got Slim Fast. My mom got Slim Fast. And then my dad got that ab shocker belt. Do you remember that?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And it was like on tv, the commercials. It was like a WWF championship belt and all. It had it elect. It was electric abs in two weeks. So shock your abs. And he would sit there and be.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, I'm working out with a beer in his hand, watching tv, beer in his hand.

[Turner Sparks]

Neither one of them did anything. They didn't help.

[Phil Duckett]

None of that Jenny Craig, none of that 90s shit worked.

[Turner Sparks]

None of that. Oh, the Jane Fonda workout. My mom did that for a while.

[Phil Duckett]

Richard Simmons.

[Turner Sparks]

Richard Simmons.

[Phil Duckett]

Tybo. You remember Billy Blanks?

[Turner Sparks]

I remember Billy Blanks.

[Phil Duckett]

I remember watching Ty Ball. I was like, this is scamming. I'm proud of him because that don't work.

[Turner Sparks]

He was definitely hooking up with all the. He was. All them white women patrons. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

That man was getting white puss left and right.

[Joe Cosby]

We did Taebo in our gym class. He would. They would roll out the. The VHS tape on the. On the cart. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Really?

[Joe Cosby]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

What a lazy ass p. I was.

[Joe Cosby]

Going to say it was such a phenomenon.

[Phil Duckett]

Just run through the parachute like everybody else, get molested.

[Turner Sparks]

What year did they get rid of dodgeball? Did they have it when you were growing up? Well, you're from the South. They still have it.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, dodgeball was. They never got dodgeball. Still a thing.

[Turner Sparks]

Is it still? I thought they had decided.

[Phil Duckett]

It was like they outlawed Smear the queer.

[Turner Sparks]

No.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that was the game.

[Turner Sparks]

That was my childhood.

[Phil Duckett]

That was my game.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

Smear the Queer.

[Turner Sparks]

That was great.

[Phil Duckett]

I think about that. I said, you'd be charged with a hate crime in school today if you know 100%, they. They would lock you up.

[Turner Sparks]

The whole game was based on a hate crime.

[Phil Duckett]

But the thing is, I remember my teachers, like, you guys will have fun. Play Smear the queer. Yeah, we have kickball.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dodgeball.

[Phil Duckett]

I was like, we're playing Smear the Queer today, boys.

[Turner Sparks]

And everybody, like, spear the queer. And we didn't even realize, like, smear the queer. Whatever you want.

[Phil Duckett]

What a crazy name.

[Turner Sparks]

You get to pick.

[Phil Duckett]

It's like playing a game called lynch the D.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, it was awful. Did they have that in Buffalo? What's amazing. Sorry. Did they have it?

[Joe Cosby]

So in high school.

[Turner Sparks]

It was high school.

[Joe Cosby]

High school dodgeball was banned. But they called. Our gym teachers were cool. So they just did the exact same game and call it tactical maneuvers.

[Phil Duckett]

Same message. Technical.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes. Spirit. The career made it from Sacramento to South Carolina. Pre Internet.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, of course.

[Turner Sparks]

Do you know what I mean?

[Phil Duckett]

It traveled.

[Turner Sparks]

It was a.

[Phil Duckett]

So did Oregon Trail. It was one of those universal games that just made.

[Turner Sparks]

But at least that was on a computer. The Oregon trailer. Tr.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. This was word of mouth.

[Turner Sparks]

This is word of mo.

[Phil Duckett]

You want to kill gays?

[Turner Sparks]

This is how. Yeah, this is how homophobic we were.

[Phil Duckett]

What you say they did in Buffalo?

[Joe Cosby]

So Buffalo, my school was very unique. It had square dancing. They did that for two weeks where they'd have a record player on stage, like a Legit record. You had record?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, we had square dancing.

[Joe Cosby]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Pioneered it.

[Phil Duckett]

Class.

[Joe Cosby]

It'd be the first time that the boys gym class and the girls gym class get together.

[Phil Duckett]

Wait, y'all separate gym classes?

[Turner Sparks]

Gym classes?

[Joe Cosby]

Yeah, we had.

[Phil Duckett]

We had. It was a regular gym. Boys and girls?

[Joe Cosby]

No, we had guys and girls separate. And another Buffalo thing. This is. This was.

[Turner Sparks]

Was that. Was that to be more, like, inclusive?

[Joe Cosby]

You want to play football with chicks?

[Phil Duckett]

We never let them. They were in the class. You just couldn't fucking play.

[Turner Sparks]

They just stood on the sidelines.

[Joe Cosby]

No, they were separate. They're separate. But what my dad used to tell me and my grandpa. This is confirmed before. This is before my time. But pool class was all naked. All the boys, I swear to God. That's a Buffalo thing.

[Phil Duckett]

That's a Buffalo pedophile.

[Joe Cosby]

You would just jump.

[Phil Duckett]

What? We had gym uniforms. No, but we actually had, like, change.

[Joe Cosby]

In the 70s and before, you know, Buddy.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Every. I watch Greece. Even in Greece, they had gym. Like, gym.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

Y'all were out here getting fake.

[Joe Cosby]

It's a Buffalo thing, I think.

[Phil Duckett]

And I bet it was.

[Joe Cosby]

This must have been awkward. Imagine being that age in, like, middle school and you get. Some kids have pubes, some kids don't have pubes, buddy.

[Phil Duckett]

Joe, that doesn't even make sense. You know what they did? They did showers. I remember back in the day, and that was like. Because in football, I remember being self conscious when I got to high school.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I was like, I don't want to take a shower open. And so we would shower with our compression shorts on.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

So we just all.

[Phil Duckett]

But I keep our compression shorts on. But my dad was like, when growing up, you say everybody was naked in the shower, because that was a normal thing. You just. It was a part of growing up. But to be in a swimming pool, butt naked and height in high.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah. Bring swimsuits.

[Joe Cosby]

That didn't. You didn't do it, Joe.

[Phil Duckett]

Just telling you that y'all got.

[Turner Sparks]

Was it separated?

[Phil Duckett]

Was it a Catholic?

[Joe Cosby]

Yeah, separate. Yeah, separate boys and girls. Of course.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Was it Cat?

[Joe Cosby]

No. This is. This is Buffalo public schools.

[Phil Duckett]

I want to be. I want to hear back from people from Buffalo now. Okay, so y'all invented chicken wings and pedophilia. Oh, my God, Joe. That is insane.

[Joe Cosby]

It's no one our age. But, like, if anyone's listening and they've heard their parents talk about swimming naked, let us know.

[Phil Duckett]

One of our actions, one of our. One. I know somebody from Buffalo who listens to. Well, she watches the clips at least. I'm gonna ask her. I'm a matter of fact listen this episode. So you. I need you. She was born in 1980, so I wonder if that's about mine.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm a little younger.

[Phil Duckett]

Banging body. So she's a hairdresser. She's smoke show. But has she written in before? Oh yeah, Kelly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she has.

[Turner Sparks]

She wanted to know if she could do blackface for Halloween.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Okay, so we do remember her. Yeah, yeah, she's hotter than fish, sweetheart. Yeah, she's cool, but yeah, she's a smoke show. Anyway, dog, I gotta. We gotta do some research on that dude. The naked gym class.

[Turner Sparks]

That sounds very.

[Phil Duckett]

With grown ass teachers.

[Turner Sparks]

Like watching Sounds like a class action lawsuit if anyone's a lawyer. Do you have a bunch of money.

[Phil Duckett]

Right, get paid for this? Yeah, I don't know. Statue of limitations. Probably do.

[Turner Sparks]

The public school district of Buffalo, New York.

[Phil Duckett]

Dude, that's so crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that. Is that a Canada thing? Because I know Buffalo's.

[Phil Duckett]

Buffalo's in New York, buddy.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, but it's pretty close.

[Phil Duckett]

It's. That doesn't help.

[Turner Sparks]

They have. They have those Canadian fast food restaurants up there, right? Like the Tim Hortons. Yeah, yeah, like the hockey player.

[Joe Cosby]

There's Tim Hortons in New York though.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I've only seen it in Buffalo.

[Phil Duckett]

It's like it's literally in Penn Station.

[Turner Sparks]

Next question. Aaron in Folsom, California, wants to know Folsom Prison.

[Phil Duckett]

Blue Johnny Cash.

[Turner Sparks]

I grew up across the. I grew up on Folsom Lake. Across the lake from Folsom Prison.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, man.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Damn, Turner.

[Turner Sparks]

Tough times.

[Phil Duckett]

It is.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, Aaron in Folsom, California wants to know, oh, do black people do April Fools? I can say I googled this.

[Phil Duckett]

You did. And of course we do April Fools. I mean, I mean, it's a prank day. I mean, we just. You say whatever. I mean, I mean, I don't think it's a color thing.

[Turner Sparks]

Is it not?

[Phil Duckett]

No, it's really not a color. I'm like, yeah. You know how many like women play around like, I'm pregnant. April Fools.

[Turner Sparks]

My brother one time called me and said he got a girl pregnant. And then it was in April.

[Phil Duckett]

But. And that's funny, but it is a lot scary when the girl does it. The girl calls you like, I feel I'm late. And you're like, gosh.

[Turner Sparks]

And that's the April Fool's.

[Phil Duckett]

The thing is, a couple of times, because this, when I was younger in college, they let it go. The Whole day.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I say something? And I was like, I don't like that one. No.

[Phil Duckett]

Nobody know. The thing is, it's not like, just kidding. It's like, no. They tell you in the morning and then, like, six being like, oh, I was just fucking with you. It was April Fools. And you're like, are you out of your fucking mind?

[Turner Sparks]

Phil's already three states away. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I've already dropped out of school and ran.

[Turner Sparks]

Changed his name. He's peeling off his, like, fingerprints. Peeling off his dead sister. Bitch.

[Phil Duckett]

I already faked my death. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

That's not a nice. Oh, my gosh. So when I Googled it, because I want to know the answer, a lot of people said no, because they said, america has fooled black people too many times. And they said, the Tuskegee Experiment, and it was 15 times that. America's April Fooled black people was the headline.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, they made some points, but no, that's not true. The white man has tricked us enough.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Told us we was getting a better life.

[Turner Sparks]

Life, slavery. Malcolm X dot com.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh.

[Turner Sparks]

40 acres and a mule was the original April Fool.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, buddy. Still waiting on that joke. This is the clip. It ain't even close. That was it. Wow. That was funny.

[Turner Sparks]

And so that's what I was wondering, because I was like, that's an interesting question. Let me look it up.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, that's great.

[Turner Sparks]

What did you do? Anything Vapor Fools this year? Any of you guys?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

What'd you do?

[Phil Duckett]

I had this little, like, text message I got. Like, it makes it look like an Apple pay.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

I sent, like, four people $500. Then they click on it like, bitch. Yeah, right?

[Turner Sparks]

You did. That's great. You do any?

[Joe Cosby]

No, but when I was a kid, I had a good one. My best friend down the street, he's like, I got an idea. I want to make my mom think that our car is broken. Because he just started to drive, was just able to drive to the store. So we pulled his mom's Vinnie van into the driveway, open up the hood, and I had, like, a fog machine from Halloween, and I put it underneath it and just made all this smoke come out. And she came out and started freaking out.

[Phil Duckett]

What?

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Cosby]

Like, it was just smoking and burning oil and stuff. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Wow.

[Joe Cosby]

Yeah. That was a good one.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that's really good. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I tell you what I did? I almost sent it to you guys. I sent people a picture of the Happy April 1st from the April alligator. And then below it, it said, april Fools. This is a crocodile, you idiot.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't get it.

[Turner Sparks]

Black and white.

[Phil Duckett]

I was like, the April alligator. I'm like, it was a picture of.

[Turner Sparks]

An alligator, but actually it was a crocodile.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay. Got. Oh, it's.

[Turner Sparks]

I put a lot of effort into it.

[Phil Duckett]

That is a white prank. That is a white prank. He was like, this is great.

[Turner Sparks]

Laugh so hard.

[Phil Duckett]

When I saw it, I'm not surprised.

[Turner Sparks]

I mean, I'm like, it's a meme I found online.

[Phil Duckett]

It's not an alligator. It's a crocodile. Yeah. Yeah. Get out of here, Steve Irwin. Nobody gives a fuck. Wow.

[Turner Sparks]

Next question. Okay. I'm Julio.

[Phil Duckett]

What's that mean in Mexico?

[Turner Sparks]

Why is it. Yeah, I'm still reading. I'm a Mexican and I live in Seattle. Why does my white girlfriend want to drive eight hours to a Renaissance?

[Phil Duckett]

Why would he say I'm a Julio?

[Turner Sparks]

No, he said, I'm Julio.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I'm like, I'm a Julio.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Julio.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what I was like. So he's Mexican.

[Turner Sparks]

My name is Julio is what he's trying to say. Miyama. Julio. Should I take it again?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, read it again. Because I didn't know what you were talking about.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Julio, I'm Mexican and I live in Seattle. Why does my white girlfriend want to drive eight hours to a Renaissance fair?

[Phil Duckett]

Again, like any other fantasy.

[Turner Sparks]

What?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, what?

[Turner Sparks]

I don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

Comic Con. White people's life is pretty easy and they want to go to another realm to see how much more fun it can be.

[Turner Sparks]

There's something.

[Phil Duckett]

We got bills to pay in our communities, Julio. And that's why you ain't never been no comic, Conor. All right? Because we got real bills and real. I ain't got time to go LARPing in Central park with these losers.

[Turner Sparks]

Wait, but Renaissance Fair is not Comic Con. It's two different things.

[Phil Duckett]

Still, it's all fantasy.

[Turner Sparks]

It's the same concept.

[Phil Duckett]

You just fantasy in a different era. One person wants to be a Shakespearean fantasy and one person wants to be Buzz Lightyear. Still fucking fan. Grow the fuck up.

[Turner Sparks]

I think. I mean, listen, people have said this for years, but there was a reason why nerds got bullied for like 20 years. And the fact that they're not anymore. We're seeing the results of it.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

You know?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, everybody's trans.

[Turner Sparks]

No. Well, not only that, but like all the. The Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, all these people, they should never have made their first million because they should have a low self esteem.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, the thing is, they always made their millions, even back Then, I mean, like Revenge of the Nerds. They were always going to be the most successful. That was. That was. That was the trade off. You get your ass beat, but you become successful later in life. The jocks end up working at Jiffy Lou, and that's just kind of how it is. The thing is.

[Turner Sparks]

But they thought they've gotten.

[Phil Duckett]

They've gotten worse now because we don't. They. When you see. When you've had your ass before, there's limits to what you'll do.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, I mean, now you've been a nerd. Nobody bothered you to be nermed. There's no shame. There's no ass whoopings. So now you have this false sense of confidence.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So it's like, I can do whatever I want. And that's how you get like, Elon Musk. He never really get his ass beat.

[Turner Sparks]

He needs to.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm telling. They need to dog walk.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Yeah. Someone needs to come in there.

[Phil Duckett]

14 kids. 13. Come on. There's not a polit or a black man out there that would be. I mean, Nick Cannon, but still, he's one of the few. Like.

[Turner Sparks]

But he's not. Also not running.

[Phil Duckett]

He's not running our country. There's never been a politician, like. But again, he's the. The camp. Politics isn't even about thoughts and ideas. It's about who has the most money can buy their position.

[Turner Sparks]

It is now.

[Phil Duckett]

That's all it is now.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You don't have to know shit. You don't have to even have experience. Are you rich enough? Okay. He can be. He seems like he. He made money. He must.

[Turner Sparks]

He didn't actually get elected. He didn't run for anything.

[Phil Duckett]

But he is running.

[Turner Sparks]

He's running the country.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Pretty wild.

[Joe Cosby]

What was the original question?

[Turner Sparks]

The original?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

We didn't even answer it. Why do white people. Why, Basically, why do they like Renaissance fairs? What do you have an answer for that, Joe? I don't know what the answer.

[Phil Duckett]

Joe looks like he's been to a Renaissance fair.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Out of all of us, you got the best shot.

[Joe Cosby]

Well, they're definitely nerds, like you said.

[Turner Sparks]

Honestly, it's good.

[Joe Cosby]

I think it's people that are into, like, weird sex stuff. That's what I think it is. Because they got to wear the corsets.

[Phil Duckett]

They're like my leash.

[Joe Cosby]

The cod pieces.

[Phil Duckett]

And I bend the knee. I bet you that pussy stank too. They don't watch. They're like, let's live like we're in 15, 20.

[Joe Cosby]

My buddy went to one, though, recently with his girlfriend that. His wife that's really into that shit. And he said everything was so expensive. Like, waiting. It was like going to a sporting event. Like waiting in line for 30 minutes for a turkey leg for that's 15 and, you know, $12 for a beer. It's fair price, so it's like, you know, it's like a. It's like an event.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I take the opposite side? I think we need more Renaissance is. If this is a thing that's entertaining nerds. We need more things for nerds to be entertained with. So they're not shooting schools and they're not trying to take over our country. Can we just have. Can it be wall to wall our nationwide Renaissance fairs?

[Phil Duckett]

I would hate that.

[Turner Sparks]

We need to at least shoo them into something, you know, shoot, like over here.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, I think they got quite a few activities. Activities, man.

[Turner Sparks]

What else do they have? What else?

[Phil Duckett]

Erector sets.

[Turner Sparks]

They got. Yeah, they have kaleidoscopes.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I mean, they do some. They do, you know, build. They make apps now.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, we don't want them doing any of that, though. None of this tech stuff. Get away from the tech stuff.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, you can't say that. They've always been in the tech stuff, even before they had computers.

[Turner Sparks]

I know, but. But it's not doing any. Our country any good. It's making us worse. But we need them to stick to the Renaissance.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm not gonna lie, buddy. Without Uber, we were struck.

[Turner Sparks]

That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah, fine. Uber's good.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

All right. Is that it? I don't. Do we have any. What do you got? White lies and dark truth.

[Joe Cosby]

I mean, not much. Guys, we nailed it. I looked a little bit up about milk.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, milk.

[Joe Cosby]

So approximately 80% of children ages 2 to 8 years, 57% of children aged 9 to 18 years, 42% adults age 19 to 70 years. And 60% of adults aged 71 plus were milk consumers.

[Phil Duckett]

42% from that age range.

[Turner Sparks]

You said this is regardless of race.

[Phil Duckett]

No, that's white. They didn't say it.

[Joe Cosby]

I think it's safe to assume everyone's white.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, 100. Those are white Michael Jordan numbers.

[Turner Sparks]

So. So black people don't drink milk, like, in the home.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, as a child. As a child, you do. Yeah, that's what we were talking. You said. Why do, like, old. Like teenagers and. Yeah, yeah, as a child. At children, we do, but you stop at a certain. Stop at a certain age. Like, you know, I mean, like, you want to build strong bones. Yeah. You might have a glass of milk a day, but y'all would eat it with, like, your meal.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Milk and a steak.

[Phil Duckett]

See, that's what I'm saying.

[Turner Sparks]

And then you dip the steak in the milk.

[Phil Duckett]

No way.

[Turner Sparks]

Ever do that.

[Phil Duckett]

Don't say that. That almost grossed me the out. I'm like, there's no chance in hell y'all do that. I remember in high school. I remember in high school because these two twins on the football team, they drank more milk than anybody. Like, it was like a. Like the Bruners, they drink milk. And so. Yeah. And so at football camp, we milk, mustard. We had two. We had two a days. And so at night, one day, they're like, we're doing the gallon challenge. They're like, if anybody can do it, you two can do it. A gallon of milk in one hour.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, I've heard about that.

[Phil Duckett]

They literally did it.

[Turner Sparks]

No, you can't do it.

[Phil Duckett]

No, they did do it. And I'm talking. They. They got to the last drop and puked. I'm talking about white spray. And they. They got it down, which was so impressive because they were like, it's impossible.

[Turner Sparks]

People in our school tried it. No one could.

[Phil Duckett]

They got it down. Like, that's how good they were. They got legends and. But it stayed down for after the cuz they were like. I mean, now it took them an hour. And, yeah, they got last drop and they raised it up. And then he literally just both of them, same time, just, I mean, sprayed. I was like, I'm impressed that you.

[Turner Sparks]

Even got shout out to the Bruner.

[Phil Duckett]

Bruners, man.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. No one could do that at our school. I remember kids trying. I was doing all boys school. People would try that all the time.

[Phil Duckett]

I was. That's what I'm saying. So they couldn't keep it down, but they. They got it out of the cart.

[Turner Sparks]

Good for them.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, they got out to Judd.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, that's the episode. May 22nd. Everybody get your tickets now. Go to New York Comic Club's website or. I got them up on my site, too. Turner Sparks dot com. Get your tickets at. They're already selling. People are buying tickets now. So let's go in. And that's it. Patreon subscribers, stick around. We got bonus question for you. Everybody else, see you next week. Stay black. You've got a question, but you're scared to ask. Just drop the boys a message. Cause they're up to the task.

[Phil Duckett]

They're rolling the dice.

[Turner Sparks]

They ain't always nice but you can't.

[Phil Duckett]

Think twice and give it black and white advice. Black and white advice.

[Turner Sparks]

Hi, I'm Kristen Bell. Carvana makes car buying easy.

[Phil Duckett]

Isn't that right, hun?

[Turner Sparks]

Dax.

[Phil Duckett]

Dax, Sorry.

[Turner Sparks]

Did you know about this? 7 day money back guarantee. A week to evaluate seat comfiness.

[Phil Duckett]

You say a week of terrain tests? Yeah. I can test the brake pad resistance at variable speeds.

[Turner Sparks]

Make sure all the kids stuff fits nicely. Make sure our stuff fits nicely. Oh the right.

[Phil Duckett]

Still need to buy the car.

[Turner Sparks]

Getting ahead of ourselves here. Buy your car with Carvana today.