Ester Steinberg & "What's America's Best & Worst City for Jews?"

Summary

Black and White Advice – Episode Summary Title: Ester Steinberg & "What's America's Best & Worst City for Jews?" Hosts: Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett Guest: Esther Steinberg Release Date: April 29, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of Black and White Advice, comedians Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett engage in a candid and comedic discussion with guest Esther Steinberg. The trio delves into topics surrounding race, anti-Semitism, parenting, and societal norms, all delivered with sharp humor and insightful commentary. The episode is titled "Ester Steinberg & 'What's America's Best & Worst City for Jews?'" and offers listeners a blend of laughter and thought-provoking conversations.

Key Discussion Points

1. Opening Remarks and Setting the Tone ([00:00]–[05:00])

The episode kicks off with Esther Steinberg making a bold statement:

[00:00] Esther Steinberg: "Do you want an easy life? Don't be Jewish, Martin. It's not for you."

Turner and Phil playfully reference Esther's remark, setting a humorous yet provocative tone for the conversation. The hosts introduce themselves and their unique dynamic as a white and black comedic duo tackling racial questions.

2. Patreon Goals and Promotional Banter ([05:00]–[07:00])

Turner and Phil briefly discuss their Patreon goals, aiming to reach $250 a month to fund future endeavors, including bringing Phil to a punk rock concert:

[01:56] Phil Duckett: "And we're trying to. Once we get to 250 dollars a month in Patreon subscriptions, we're taking Phil to his first punk rock concert. He's going to go mosh in the mosh pit and stage dive and we're filming."

Their lighthearted banter about stage diving and concert experiences adds a personal touch to the episode, engaging listeners with behind-the-scenes aspects of their show.

3. Esther Steinberg's Comedy Special – "Smear Campaign" ([05:00]–[12:00])

Esther introduces her new comedy special, "Smear Campaign," available on Amazon and Apple:

[05:37] Esther Steinberg: "Yes, Yes, I watched it."

She humorously critiques the commercialization of comedy:

[06:33] Phil Duckett: "Do not listen to that. I'm fighting for my life. Come to the shows."

Esther shares anecdotes about her father's unconventional bagel shop venture, blending humor with personal storytelling:

[08:38] Esther Steinberg: "My dad, in 1990, opened up a bagel shop right by the strip clubs... They were wearing lingerie. It was called the bagel boudoir."

Their discussions weave personal experiences with comedic insights, highlighting the intersection of business, family, and humor.

4. Parenting and Family Dynamics ([12:00]–[27:00])

Esther delves into her experiences with her father's political aspirations and the ensuing smear campaigns:

[12:32] Esther Steinberg: "Canvassing, wearing the T-shirts and all that. And then when he lost, I was pretty devastated. They would put ads that are like, Michael, don't vote. Don't vote for Michael Steinberg. You know he's a bagel pimp."

Turning to parenting, Esther and Phil exchange humorous takes on raising children amidst political and social challenges:

[20:08] Phil Duckett: "I put that in my will. When I can't wipe my own ass, it's time to pull the plug."

Their jokes about the trials of parenting offer relatable humor, balancing the episode's heavier themes with lightheartedness.

5. Anti-Semitism and Black-Jewish Relations ([27:00]–[39:00])

The conversation shifts to broader societal issues, particularly anti-Semitism and the relationship between Black and Jewish communities:

[28:28] Esther Steinberg: "Any hatred of any group of people is so vile and so disgusting, we cannot point fingers and say we hate this group."

Esther emphasizes the importance of allyship:

[37:28] Esther Steinberg: "All black people and Jewish people must be allies. They are allies to black people. Black people must be allies to Jewish people."

The hosts explore the complexities of racial and religious identities, using humor to address serious topics:

[36:17] Esther Steinberg: "You want a good life, an easy life? Don't be Jewish, Martin. It's not for you."

6. Best and Worst Cities for Jews in America ([39:00]–[42:00])

Responding to a listener's question about the best and worst cities for Jews in America, Esther and the hosts provide their candid (and comedic) insights:

[30:06] Esther Steinberg: "Worst. Why everyone's hate street Jews."

They discuss stereotypes and societal perceptions, blending humor with critical commentary:

[31:36] Esther Steinberg: "We don't want to. No one wanted to do this yucky money job. So the Jews were like, I guess we'll do it."

7. Final Thoughts and Conclusion ([42:00]–[44:50])

As the episode wraps up, Esther reflects on identity and societal challenges:

[41:17] Esther Steinberg: "My purpose on earth is to... my name Esther Steinberg sparks conversation."

The hosts conclude with a call to action for Patreon subscribers and tease upcoming content:

[44:50] Joe the Muscle Russell: "You've got a question but you're scared to ask. Just drop the boys a message..."

Notable Quotes

• Esther Steinberg ([00:00]): "Do you want an easy life? Don't be Jewish, Martin. It's not for you."

• Phil Duckett ([01:56]): "Once we get to 250 dollars a month in Patreon subscriptions, we're taking Phil to his first punk rock concert. He's going to go mosh in the mosh pit and stage dive and we're filming."

• Esther Steinberg ([08:38]): "My dad, in 1990, opened up a bagel shop right by the strip clubs... They were wearing lingerie. It was called the bagel boudoir."

• Phil Duckett ([20:08]): "I put that in my will. When I can't wipe my own ass, it's time to pull the plug."

• Esther Steinberg ([36:17]): "You want a good life, an easy life? Don't be Jewish, Martin. It's not for you."

• Esther Steinberg ([41:17]): "My purpose on earth is to... my name Esther Steinberg sparks conversation."

Conclusion

This episode of Black and White Advice masterfully balances humor with insightful discussions on race, religion, and societal norms. Esther Steinberg's comedic perspective, combined with Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett's dynamic hosting, provides listeners with both laughter and reflection. By addressing sensitive topics through comedy, the hosts foster a space for open dialogue and understanding, making this episode both entertaining and meaningful for audiences seeking thoughtful humor.

Transcript

[Esther Steinberg]

Do you want an easy life? Don't be Jewish, Martin. It's not for you.

[Turner Sparks]

Ohio. So you're telling him, just don't be.

[Phil Duckett]

Don't convert.

[Esther Steinberg]

Oh, where's a good city to be Jewish? I don't know. Go to the history book. What's a good year to be Jewish? Two years ago, October 4th, 5th and 6th.

[Phil Duckett]

Have you ever had a question you wanted to ask the opposite race but you were too nervous to ask?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

And this is black and white advice.

[Phil Duckett]

But we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones.

[Turner Sparks]

This is black and white advice.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

You got a question but you're scared to ask. Just drop the boys a message cuz they're up to the task, they're rolling the dice they ain't always nice but you can't think twice and get it. Black and white advice. Black and white advice.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, everybody, welcome to the show. My name is Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

Phil Duckett. Motherfuckers. How we doing?

[Turner Sparks]

We got Joe the Muscle Russell on the ones and twos, spinning the dial, switching the knobs. How you doing, Joe?

[George W. Bush]

Good, guys, doing great.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, he came in his regular voice. Attaboy, Joe.

[Turner Sparks]

Get you too early. Normally Joe gives us like a Rush Limbaugh impression.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm so glad that's good.

[Turner Sparks]

Or a Bill Cosby impression.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, we did the. Bill Cosby is good.

[Turner Sparks]

He's on the cutting edge of comedy. Joe.

[Esther Steinberg]

To when the world was better.

[Turner Sparks]

Just try it again, Joe. Joe, how you doing?

[George W. Bush]

I'm George W. Bush. Terrorists are evil people.

[Phil Duckett]

I'll take George.

[Turner Sparks]

Fantastic. Everybody, we have. I got news before we get to our guests, we got. We're $50 away now from hitting our Patreon goal.

[Phil Duckett]

It's only been three years. So we have three years.

[Turner Sparks]

It's been six. We didn't start Patreon until January, so it's actually been three months.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay, that's pretty good. That's a good place.

[Turner Sparks]

Four months.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that's a good pace.

[Turner Sparks]

And we're trying to. Once we get to 250dol a month in Patreon subscriptions, we're taking Phil to his first punk rock concert. He's going to go mosh in the mosh pit and stage dive and we're filming.

[Phil Duckett]

If you have any suggestions on people that let you stage divers, apparently the last place Turner looked, they said no stage diving would be allowed.

[Turner Sparks]

I got tickets to see the Queers ne in a few weeks.

[Phil Duckett]

I wasn't going to that show. Either way, I wasn't going to that.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm going to see the queers. But then this man has been around since the 80s, like 84.

[Phil Duckett]

That's. That's the cross dressing team.

[Turner Sparks]

No, no, no, that's the New York Dolls. The queers don't cross dress. They just try to bait people into thinking. In the 80s they would bait a lot of phobic.

[Phil Duckett]

A lot of gay going on.

[Turner Sparks]

They would bait homophobes into thinking they were gay so they could fight them.

[Phil Duckett]

Who's baiting people into thinking they're gay?

[Turner Sparks]

Well, you name yourself the queers. I think they're going to show up anyway. Point is they sent an email like a week ago. Not them, the venue, saying like absolutely no stage diving. There's with lawsuits. Punk rock has gone incredibly soft.

[Phil Duckett]

There's an HR department.

[Turner Sparks]

There's an HR department. Yeah. So we'll have to find a new concert for you because we need you to stage that.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I want to stay. That's my whole thing.

[Turner Sparks]

That's the reason we're fifty bucks away. That means if five of you throw in ten bucks, we have a twenty dollar option. Two and a half of you throwing twenty bucks, we'll be there next week.

[Esther Steinberg]

Keep doing different math with $50.

[Turner Sparks]

But if 10 of you throw in $5, if 50 of you throw in.

[Esther Steinberg]

A $225s to a hundred people, I can make change.

[Turner Sparks]

However you want, we can do it however you need it.

[Phil Duckett]

Just 50 bones.

[Turner Sparks]

Also, a couple updates from our Patreon subscribers. I like to shout them out. Sam, Michael in Bangkok. He heard you say recently that you want to go to Bangkok. Says one time or at some point soon, he says Phil said he wants to come here. I'm sure the comedy club Bangkok, which I guess is the name of the club, would host a show. I'd be happy to show him around and he would have a very good time.

[Phil Duckett]

That sounds like a setup, but I'm down.

[Turner Sparks]

There you go.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm checking Adam's apples.

[Turner Sparks]

Tell you that we'll take you around. Gretchen Evans says naked swimming. This is from the one. So Joe told us a few weeks ago that when his. He swears when his dad was in high school in Buffalo, New York, in gym class you swam naked.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what Joe said. His father's like in. In public school they didn't have swimsuits. I buy it.

[Esther Steinberg]

Did they also molest you?

[Phil Duckett]

That's what I said. There was. That was not one of the rules. That was a gym teacher like I want to them all.

[Turner Sparks]

I went to Catholic school. You didn't swim naked and you're telling just public school America.

[George W. Bush]

My father swam naked. His father swam naked.

[Esther Steinberg]

Where is this?

[George W. Bush]

Outside of Buffalo. It's a buffalo thing.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, It's a buffalo. Relax. That should be the T shirt. Chicken wings and swimming naked women naked. It's 14.

[Phil Duckett]

Buffalo thing.

[Turner Sparks]

Anyway, Gretchen Evans, our Patreon subscriber. Another shout out says naked swimming for gym class was definitely a thing. My dad's high school in Des Moines, Iowa, had the same thing. He was in high school in the 1960s. Wow.

[George W. Bush]

Iowa. It's an Iowa thing.

[Phil Duckett]

This is so terrifying.

[Turner Sparks]

I do not think there's a lot.

[Phil Duckett]

Of trauma that needs to be unpacked in the boomer generation or this is.

[Turner Sparks]

A lawsuit waiting to happen. If, like, class action. If any lawyer should take this on, you could get bazillions of dollars out of the US Government for sure. Right?

[Esther Steinberg]

Can we go off to the church first?

[Phil Duckett]

You're never going to get the church. And the Pope just died. They're untouchable.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, he's dead. What are you going to do with it?

[Phil Duckett]

They're saying there might be a black pope. Guys, is the world ready?

[Esther Steinberg]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

He's one of the top contestant. He's from Congo. I said, really? They are not ready for a black Pope.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't.

[Phil Duckett]

They are not ready. I'm telling you, they're not.

[Turner Sparks]

Wait, let's introduce our guest with that. I want start talking about this. Esther Steinberg, everybody. Welcome to the show is a new comedy special called Schmear Campaign.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yes, Yes, I watched it.

[Turner Sparks]

It's absolutely hilarious.

[Esther Steinberg]

Thank you. I appreciate that. How does.

[Turner Sparks]

How do they. How does our viewing listening audience. Go watch the show. Go watch smear campaign.

[Esther Steinberg]

Oh, watch smear campaign. Do I.

[Turner Sparks]

What's it on?

[Esther Steinberg]

Oh, it's on Amazon and Apple. You there? Right now there's a paywall and then eventually it'll be down. So annoying. I don't. I like to say everything's free, but the thing is, I'm expensive.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. No, we should be getting paid for what we all do, right?

[Esther Steinberg]

No, I got paid.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, you got paid?

[Esther Steinberg]

So now.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, then who cares?

[Esther Steinberg]

I got paid and then other people have to pay.

[Turner Sparks]

So Bezos is. Owes you money.

[Esther Steinberg]

It's comedy.

[Turner Sparks]

Or you owe him.

[Esther Steinberg]

No, I got it. I don't. No one owes me anything. I get the money before we.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, look at you.

[Esther Steinberg]

I'm not. No, it's just that I'm not free. And by the way, it's like 299 or 499. And it is very worth it. It's much cheaper than going to a comedy club. Don't support live comedy.

[Phil Duckett]

Do not listen to that. I'm fighting for my life. Come to the shows.

[Esther Steinberg]

I'm just joking.

[Phil Duckett]

Do not. Well, we just. We shut down a small business last week, so this show is all about just ending things.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah. My barbershop gave me a bad haircut. So I called him out on the show and told.

[Esther Steinberg]

I didn't want to say anything.

[Turner Sparks]

It's horrible. It's horrible. It's the worst haircut I've ever had.

[Esther Steinberg]

In my life that you know.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, it's. The guy was obsessed. He's from Uzbekistan, and there's like, I don't know if there's a civil war. He's very upset. So give me a bad haircut. Anyway, let's get back to the Black Pope.

[Esther Steinberg]

Well, I like that he has, like, war and things. And you're like, here. Doesn't look glamorous.

[Turner Sparks]

I demand a good haircut.

[Phil Duckett]

That's fair.

[Turner Sparks]

He's like, this is my money maker. That's what I do for a living.

[Esther Steinberg]

Do you have to have. You walk in and you're like, make me a Republican senator, son.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes. I'm not getting a smear. I'm not going to. I mean, a special off of that. No Amazon.

[Phil Duckett]

You could.

[Esther Steinberg]

You have to just change everything. You have to. You have to approach the world. I'm not kidding. Be Republican. And everyone's like, yeah, he's Republican. They'll vote for you and be like, I'm a Republican senator. And then suddenly go rogue. Suddenly turn and everyone's like, holy shit. Republican senators off the rail.

[Turner Sparks]

Just. I just say, I'm a Republican senator. Google yet? No, you got the.

[Esther Steinberg]

You got. It's the face.

[Turner Sparks]

I can be a state center. Maybe I'll say that. No one will.

[Esther Steinberg]

Look, you're just a district, like representative or something, but Republican.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, okay. Sure. Why not?

[Esther Steinberg]

But not.

[Turner Sparks]

You gotta make.

[Esther Steinberg]

Not a radical Republican. Just a. Just a church guy.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Okay. Speaking of men's stuff, your dad.

[Esther Steinberg]

Oh, dad. Are the ultimate men stuff.

[Turner Sparks]

Your new comedy special is about your dad. A lot of it's about your dad. Your dad. What? I'm trying to remember the story. Did he own a Hooters when you were growing up?

[Esther Steinberg]

So strip Club in 19. Tampa is famous for, like, a couple of trashy strip clubs. One is called 2001 Odyssey. Supposed to be futuristic, built in, like, the 80s. Obviously, now it's not futuristic. There's a. There's a spaceship where you get Space Mountain.

[Turner Sparks]

Strip club.

[Phil Duckett]

I like that.

[Esther Steinberg]

So there's all these strip clubs that are famous, famously gross and popular. And so my dad, in 1990, opened up a bagel shop right by the strip clubs. And he had, like, the strippers who were stripping at night would come and serve bagels at this bagel.

[Phil Duckett]

He was pimping is what you're saying. He's Pimping is the word we're looking for. They worked at a strip club, and they're like.

[Esther Steinberg]

There's ways to see things, right? You could be like, oh, bagel pimp. Maybe you're right. But then you could also be like, well, he was taking like. Like there was sex workers and strippers on the street. He's bringing it in, giving them a nice place to serve it. But they were in. They were, like, tatted up, and they didn't have teeth. I mean, these are Tampa strippers. And, like, they were wearing lingerie, and. And they. The business didn't go well.

[Phil Duckett]

They were wearing lingerie at the bagel shop.

[Esther Steinberg]

It was called. The bagel was pimping.

[Phil Duckett]

They just. People to roof over their head so they didn't have to.

[Turner Sparks]

Outside was this at, like, 7am I think.

[Esther Steinberg]

So it was called the bagel boudoir.

[Phil Duckett]

A little early, I'm telling you.

[Esther Steinberg]

Bagel boudoir. Come on. Breakfast Hooters. That would do great.

[Turner Sparks]

That was the idea. Breakfast Hooters.

[Esther Steinberg]

Kind of like hooters had popped up. And it started in Florida in, like, Clearwater. I think that, like, Outback Steakhouse started from people just liking Crocodile Dundee. Not a joke.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Esther Steinberg]

And. And then he was like, well, I'll do, like, strippers serving bagels. Bagel boudoir, in his French.

[Turner Sparks]

That was the name of it.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yeah. Oh.

[Turner Sparks]

So it was kind of like a Moulin Rouge type thing.

[Esther Steinberg]

You know, I was picked a number nine. I was zero. I don't have a lot of, like, memory. But it was a big. My mom really was mad about it because she had three daughters and I had just been born. And he's. He's. He's doing this thing. And she was mad.

[Turner Sparks]

But his idea was they need somewhere to go during the day.

[Esther Steinberg]

His idea was, let's sell bagels with boobs. Let's take strippers.

[Turner Sparks]

And they were dressed like strippers.

[Esther Steinberg]

They were in lingerie. Tea backs, as my mom called it.

[Phil Duckett]

Buddy, I'm telling you.

[Turner Sparks]

Really? The whale tails, they were in G strings.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

At seven.

[Phil Duckett]

This is literally pimping. And I'm not mad at it, but I'm like, it was a cover. And he was like, what? They're cash register workers, but you get the number nine, and you got a little extra.

[Esther Steinberg]

The important part is that no. Only girls. Most dudes. Right. So.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

So your market, it closed. Just from a straight business perspective, it becomes smaller breakfast.

[Esther Steinberg]

It ended. It was over. It did not last. It didn't last very long. Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

I'd love to know how many years he made it, though, because I'm not.

[Turner Sparks]

Gonna lie, I like that one. Oh, yeah.

[Esther Steinberg]

They made eggs in the microwave. And that was the problem.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what you can't have bad strippers and bad food. Like, you said, they had no teeth. And we're doing microwaved eggs. No, we kidding.

[Esther Steinberg]

So it didn't last. But then cut to. I'm in middle school, and my dad's running for office, and he's a lawyer, and he hasn't done any pimping in a long time. And they do smear ads on, like, first of all, it was a very evangelical Christian area. They were very Republican. They wanted creation, not evolution. This is the Florida Tampa where I grew up.

[Turner Sparks]

And your dad's from Israel?

[Esther Steinberg]

No, no, my dad's, like a American from Tampa, but he's a liberal. He's a Democrat. He wants to help people who need help. He's a. A Social Security disability and Veterans affairs lawyers.

[Turner Sparks]

Wow.

[Esther Steinberg]

He helps the people who are in so helpless, like, schizophrenic people. They are the most helpless. He gets him a check. That's what his job is. So he's a. He's a good guy. And there's a lot that he wanted to add to the conversation about Social Security and things like that. So he ran, and the whole family was, like, canvassing, wearing the T shirts and all that. And then when he lost, I was, like, pretty devastated. And they would put ads that are like, michael, don't vote. Don't vote for Michael Steinberg. You know he's a bagel pimp. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, because of the bagel pimp pimping days.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, they're gonna find everything.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yeah, it's hard to. He was smeared with all that. And I, of course.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, the name of the special. Yeah, Smear.

[Phil Duckett]

Smeared.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yeah, there you go.

[Phil Duckett]

We spoiled the whole special mirrored on those bagels, huh?

[Esther Steinberg]

No, but it's just such a weird. And then I, I. I was really devastated about, like, the loss because I was, I guess, under the impression that we were gonna work hard and sign petitions and the other guy running was, you know, shitty.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Esther Steinberg]

And we were like, we're gonna win. We were out there with signs and T shirts and like, I guess I was in sixth grade, so I had high hopes.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Esther Steinberg]

I've adjusted my expectations.

[Phil Duckett]

Politics was corrupt.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yeah. I didn' it was the worst. And no one could wins ever.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Esther Steinberg]

Winning is inherently your evil.

[Phil Duckett]

So in politics.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You're the most evil. Wins. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Even running is kind of like evil. A little odd.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I'm going for your kids.

[Esther Steinberg]

Everything that's a good platform for you.

[Phil Duckett]

Running is odd.

[Esther Steinberg]

Most people running is odd. But me running feels good.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm on your side.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yeah, Yeah. I would vote for you.

[Turner Sparks]

I have no political beliefs one way or the other. Whatever people want, I'll say yes. That's actually a good politician.

[Phil Duckett]

You think so? Whatever people want, you'll say yes.

[Turner Sparks]

Those are the ones who win. You can. You can't. What are they called?

[Esther Steinberg]

You have to just hit the hot buttons. You want to pay teachers and first responders and that's it. That's all you have to say.

[Turner Sparks]

Give it up for the troops.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yes. You're like, I want to do.

[Turner Sparks]

Whenever you're bombing on the road. Good stuff.

[Esther Steinberg]

Oh, I just go, do you love your city? Clap it up. If you just.

[Turner Sparks]

Everybody, let's just pause the weight staff and give it up for the troops. Wow. You've never given it up for the truth.

[Phil Duckett]

I have not given it up for the gas.

[Esther Steinberg]

That'd be weird if you did it.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, I'm not thinking no on the road. I think if they're bombing, they just stay in the.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think I saw one guy.

[Esther Steinberg]

Don't drag our military into your bomb. There's enough bombs. They're dealing with enough bombs.

[Turner Sparks]

I saw one guy on the road. This is the best thing we've ever seen. He goes. He's bombing. And he goes, all right, everybody, can we just pause for a second and just take a deep breath and let's give it up for the troops. And everyone's like, yeah. They start laughing and he goes, all right, now let's give it up for the American ones. We're back to bombing. We will be right back, everybody, with your black and white advice, questions and answers. Hey, you want to get bonus content, early episodes, and have your questions answered on the show?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, then subscribe to our [e-mail] blackandwhiteadvice and subscribe right now do it.

[Turner Sparks]

And we'll give you a shout out on a future episode.

[Phil Duckett]

And I might call you the N word.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we're back. First question comes from Michael in Long Island City, New York. Oh, by the way, Esther, so we saved up all the questions that we thought might relate to you. We've been doing.

[Esther Steinberg]

Thank you.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, we've been holding on to these. So this is all.

[Esther Steinberg]

It's all Nazi stuff.

[Turner Sparks]

It's all Nazi question.

[Esther Steinberg]

Thank you so much.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, it says Michael. Long island City, New York. I'm Jewish. My kids are 6 and 8. My main goal in life is to keep them in school. This is because you're a parent. This is why we did this one. My main goal in life is to keep them in school so I don't have to deal with them. But the New York City school system has made that impossible. In the interest of recognizing every religion and race equally, my kids get off school for Rosh Hashanah, Diwali twice for Ramadan, Christmas, Juneteenth, Chinese New Year, even Columbus Day and Veterans Day, plus spring break and mid winter break. I have to deal with him at home at least once a week for 10 months. How can I make my kids stay in school for all these holidays while not looking like a bigot when I propose this at next week's PTA meeting? And then he says thanks in advance. I think based off the thanks in advance conversation we had in the past. Anyway, question, how does this guy get out of this? So I did look it up. It's true. These kids go to. They get off for like every. We used to just get, I don't know what, winter break, Christmas break.

[Esther Steinberg]

My kids go to a Jewish school and it's, it's like there's. They give us a list of the days they have school instead of the days they don't.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay. Yeah. And it's like 10 months. The school's years now. 10 months. I think because they get all these breaks in the middle. Ours is nine months. We had a three month summer, now summer's just like that.

[Esther Steinberg]

And then there's the month, the Mondays. Every Monday is a president's or something. So there's no school. It's actually horrible. And then your kids are always sick when there is school.

[Turner Sparks]

What do you do if you have like a 9 to 5 job, you.

[Esther Steinberg]

Need a grandparent, you need to not have kids. Or you need a time machine.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, a time machine. To go back to the 90s.

[Esther Steinberg]

To go back to when women would stay home with the Kids. Yes, I.

[Turner Sparks]

That's the answer, I think.

[Esther Steinberg]

Give them a. Get them a job.

[Turner Sparks]

Get the. Get the six, put them to work. They need to be doing something. I have an idea. What about this. What if he proposes that you only take off your own holiday? Do you know what I'm saying?

[Phil Duckett]

I think that would be. That's what most people do.

[Turner Sparks]

So if you're Jewish, you get off.

[Esther Steinberg]

Get a note from here.

[Turner Sparks]

Why are you getting off.

[Esther Steinberg]

Get a note from your priest that says, billy's not coming to school.

[Turner Sparks]

Billy's not coming.

[Esther Steinberg]

Your holiday with us.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, why do you.

[Turner Sparks]

Kidney. Veterans Day. No, it's not a single kid who's a veteran.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Hell, we don't even get off for veterans.

[Esther Steinberg]

You don't know that. You don't know that.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, they're sending them to child soldiers now.

[Esther Steinberg]

There's a place for kids during holidays.

[Turner Sparks]

Maybe we get the Congo Pope.

[Esther Steinberg]

No, there's camps. They have to get.

[Turner Sparks]

The child soldiers will get off for Veterans Day.

[Esther Steinberg]

You have to. You have to, like, give it up for the.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that would be great.

[Esther Steinberg]

And while we're out at the horrible.

[Turner Sparks]

Traffic, keep it up for the troops in the Congo.

[Esther Steinberg]

Human. The human traffic. Am I right?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Yeah. But shouldn't that be the thing?

[Esther Steinberg]

Why you just take off whatever you.

[Phil Duckett]

We've become too liberal where people are afraid of looking racist or anti Semitic or. They're so. People are nervous. So they're like, well, we'll just show respect to everything everybody gets. But nobody thinks, what is Diwali?

[Turner Sparks]

Is that an Indian?

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, gotta be.

[Esther Steinberg]

Is it like they're. I don't know, Water? But they. I don't know anything outside my own culture, but I.

[Turner Sparks]

Why should you?

[Esther Steinberg]

No, I don't. I don't know what Diwali is, but I think that they're saving money. I really think, like, teachers aren't coming to school. They're happy. What do you think teachers are like, no, we need more school. They don't want to.

[Turner Sparks]

I celebrate Diwali every year. This is offensive to.

[Phil Duckett]

My teachers will celebrate anything that gets them out.

[Turner Sparks]

That's what I mean.

[Esther Steinberg]

Just the idea that you're not putting the AC on or the heat on. Like, you're saving electricity that day. You're just saving.

[Phil Duckett]

So schools are broke. Schools are broke.

[Esther Steinberg]

The bre. The breakfast and the lunch that they're, you know, they were. They. Yeah. So you got to get them in a camp.

[Turner Sparks]

Do your kids get all these holidays?

[Esther Steinberg]

My kids go to a Jewish school, so they have a billion Trillion Jewish holidays. Weird holidays that you don't even know. There's like an Arbor Day for trees. There's Passover arbors for the trees.

[Turner Sparks]

You got to celebrate the trees.

[Phil Duckett]

Arbor Day is. But I don't know anybody in America celebrates.

[Esther Steinberg]

Lagba Omer is called. It's like for trees. It's a Jewish thing celebrating, let's plant a tree. There's random. There's a Holocaust Remembrance Day. There's a. There's random stuff that you're off at Jewish school more than I feel like any. It's just so many off. And also whatever. You have to get them into camp or you have to quit your job. You have to give up on your dreams. Like you just. You. This is. You signed this contract.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. You're a parent.

[Esther Steinberg]

When you. When you jizzed inside of a woman, you signed up to have your entire dream stepped on.

[Phil Duckett]

You're really preaching today, buddy. I'm living it. Right.

[Turner Sparks]

Bill has a one year old daughter.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Esther Steinberg]

I love it when male comedians. When male comedians show me a picture of their daughters, I always go, oh, my God, she's so young. She's way too young for you.

[Phil Duckett]

She is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. But, boy, is this hard. Wow. I really.

[Esther Steinberg]

Well, it gets harder.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Love my daughter, but wow. Definitely could have held off, like I thought till 45.

[Esther Steinberg]

You gotta think about it. Where people are going to have to. You're going to wipe a baby's ass for like three years or something. But then you're going to get really old. Turner doesn't know that.

[Phil Duckett]

And daughters take care of their fathers.

[Esther Steinberg]

So you're going to need your ass wiped for much longer than three years.

[Phil Duckett]

No, I've already. I put that in my will. When I can't wipe my own ass, it's time to pull the plug. I will never wear the pin. Take me out of here.

[Turner Sparks]

Seriously.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. You think I'm gonna have my knees pinned beside my ears and let somebody wipe me?

[Esther Steinberg]

You did. For your first three years of life. That's different.

[Phil Duckett]

But once you're 70, those. These are grown man 70.

[Esther Steinberg]

You're just. You're running marathons. 90.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's much older than 70.

[Esther Steinberg]

Donald Trump can't wipe his own butt.

[Phil Duckett]

That's true.

[Esther Steinberg]

He needs nurses.

[George W. Bush]

I'll wipe your butt. Phil.

[Phil Duckett]

Pull the plug now.

[Esther Steinberg]

He has a daughter.

[Phil Duckett]

If that's what my future looks like, let's get me out of here now.

[Esther Steinberg]

But you're gonna have someone looking after you and caring for you. More. You're gonna get more out of it.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Esther Steinberg]

In your lifetime.

[Phil Duckett]

I. Yeah. I mean, I genuinely do love being a father now. The person I made it with, she's become a different person. So that's where the, like, headache comes.

[Esther Steinberg]

She got fat.

[Phil Duckett]

I wish.

[Esther Steinberg]

What's wrong?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, you know. Now you know. What is it?

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, boy.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm not the same person you like.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I, can I play the part of your lawyer? You shouldn't say any of this on the air.

[Phil Duckett]

You're right.

[Esther Steinberg]

You're right.

[Phil Duckett]

I should not say anything.

[Turner Sparks]

There's.

[Esther Steinberg]

There's an adjustment period. I think. You become a parent, you have a child, it's really. It really rocks you. And then you. It doesn't get easier. You get better. And I am like, stand up comedy. Your first year in stand up comedy, you weren't good, right? But now you're. It's not like it's easier to do.

[Phil Duckett]

You just know what you're doing.

[Esther Steinberg]

You're much better, right? So one day you're just going to be like, keys, this in the car. Seat belt, snacks, tissue, Tylenol. And you're like, ready to go.

[Turner Sparks]

Daily Tylenol.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yes. And you're just like. She like, coughs. You're like, boom.

[Turner Sparks]

Nice little comatose.

[Esther Steinberg]

Oh. Every time it's like, daddy. You're like, boom.

[Phil Duckett]

Every time I think she's choking, I panic. I'm like, are you okay? Are you okay?

[Esther Steinberg]

You got it. I hate, I hate little babies. They're fragile and like snot coming out of their nose right now. I like a. I like a sassy four year old that's like, I'll say anything. This guy's blue. No, it's not. Oh. Oh, it's not. Because it is. And like, I will get into it with my 4 year old. He defies everything I say. No, it's not. And now I'm talking to a four year old and I'm like, I'll Google it. You can't even read. Oh, yeah. And I get. I'm enraged. And it's fun driving around.

[Phil Duckett]

That does sound fun.

[Esther Steinberg]

Just a sassy dummy.

[Phil Duckett]

We're just now walking, so I'm like, I'm nervous about everything.

[Esther Steinberg]

I don't like that. Ugh. My kids, they hit their head, I'd say 50 times a day. They're itching, injured. I got an email that my. My kid got injured at school. Every day, every day is an injury. You have to be okay with the fact that your kids are gonna really get banged up every day. Is going to be an injury.

[Turner Sparks]

And you guys are both comedians.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yeah. And so I want my kids to do jokes. I teach them jokes and comedy. And I go, tell it again, tell it again.

[Turner Sparks]

Tell that joke.

[Phil Duckett]

You're like Joe Jackson.

[Esther Steinberg]

No, because then listen, he's gonna be like, mom, I don't want to do comedy.

[Phil Duckett]

He'll be successful.

[Esther Steinberg]

If you want, be an investment banker.

[Turner Sparks]

See if I can defy your parents wishes.

[Phil Duckett]

Reverse psychology.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yes. We're like, you're gonna. You were born into an artist family and you're gonna stay a broke artist. And he's like, I just want to take money and make money with that money and take money.

[Phil Duckett]

Imagine it backs fire. He's like, okay, so I'm not going to school anymore. You're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Let's style it.

[Esther Steinberg]

He's not going to school. It' Jewish school is too many holidays.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, yeah, that is dope.

[Esther Steinberg]

Literally never in school.

[Turner Sparks]

So the advice is just deal with it. Basically.

[Esther Steinberg]

Well, find someone to do it for you or put them to work.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, put them to work's a good idea.

[Phil Duckett]

And don't most of y'all have money? So just get a nanny.

[Esther Steinberg]

I won't do a nanny. I don't want my husband cheating on me with a nanny.

[Phil Duckett]

See, you're thinking about the wrong.

[Turner Sparks]

No, I have friends. I have a friend who has a nanny, but the wife picks. It's always like, oh, I, you know.

[Phil Duckett]

If I'm picking the nanny, I'm like, she was an ex playmate.

[Turner Sparks]

No, no, it's always like a 60 year old grandma.

[Esther Steinberg]

No, I ask an obese nanny, and then my husband said he wants to start a company called Obese Au pairs.

[Turner Sparks]

Brilliant idea.

[Esther Steinberg]

But then you hear this guy, I.

[Phil Duckett]

Like it, I like it. I like a little cellulite in my main outfit.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, but you can divide it racially. You know, for the, for the white guys, it could be obese opairs. For the black guys are scared, too skinny to clean or something.

[Esther Steinberg]

I always say that I did not have a child for like a Jamaican woman to raise my child. That's not the reason I had kids. And then I told someone that and they go, I heard Filipinos were the best, best. And I was like, all right, the.

[Phil Duckett]

Jamaican ladies are the best.

[Esther Steinberg]

I mean, if I wanted someone to care for my kid. Yes. Jamaican lady, Filipino lady, They're brilliant. They're amazing. They're loving, they're tender. They have 10, 000 hours of experience. I don't at the beginning but that's not why. That's not why I. I had kids to. I'm trying to build the next generation of men.

[Turner Sparks]

Look at you.

[Esther Steinberg]

I have two of them, and I'm proud. And I. I look at the world and I go, oh, all this is up. Men are. Men are bad. I don't know if men are bad or good. But, like, I would. Can I just take a shot at the two?

[Turner Sparks]

The two that you have.

[Esther Steinberg]

They have to be.

[Turner Sparks]

Plus, there's no Jamaicans in Vegas, are there?

[Esther Steinberg]

No, but there's. There's no nanny. We don't have. We've never had a nanny ever. Ever, Ever.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Esther Steinberg]

And I'm alive to talk about it.

[Turner Sparks]

How do you both go on the road with. There's no.

[Esther Steinberg]

One at a time or. We don't do the road. That's why vacation Vegas is the road.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Esther Steinberg]

So the road is 25 minutes from our house. So we do the road. It's like a cruise ship. Vegas has a new batch of fat Americans every minute.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Just slopping their way down to the M M store.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yeah. They're just scooting their way in, and they just come. They play the slots, they watch some comedy.

[Phil Duckett]

Did I say anything bad about my baby mama's gonna need to be edited out?

[Turner Sparks]

No, no, I stopped you.

[Phil Duckett]

Thank God.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. You're good.

[Phil Duckett]

I was like, I don't think I signed those papers.

[Esther Steinberg]

She wants to be a father. We love children. Children.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. No, no, you didn't say.

[George W. Bush]

It's fine. It's not live.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. We can also double check. But you didn't.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay. I think I kept it pretty clean.

[Esther Steinberg]

I was miserable. Zero to one was like. I was miserable.

[Phil Duckett]

How was your marriage? Did you and your husband, like. Were y'all at odds? Like, did you look at him differently?

[Esther Steinberg]

No. He was really in it to win it. He wants, like, a. He's like a trophy. He gets, like, a Olympic medal for being a dad. He. He will. If you come to Vegas, hang out with my husband, and he'll be. And then he'll just inspire every father to be a better father. He's the better. He's the best.

[Turner Sparks]

What a great marriage.

[Esther Steinberg]

He's the best father. The kids are in love with him. My two sons are like, daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. And I'm like, what happened to Jewish boys being in love with their mom? And they're like, daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. But he also plays with them.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We gotta play every time.

[Esther Steinberg]

If a dad. If a mom plays with their Kids. Kids are like, thanks, Mom. But when a dad wrestles boys or girls, a mom nurtures. She holds, she hugs. You have a boo boo. Let me kiss it. A dad's role, literally, like, biological. You pro. A dad prepares a child for the real world. You rough them up, like, sling the words, mess them up, tease them. I don't know what it is, but they have to. They have to wrestle that them and prepare them for the world. And a mom just goes, come here, sweetie. And then when a gay. When a gay marriage happens and they have a kid, one of them biologically takes on that role and the other one takes on the other role.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that true?

[Esther Steinberg]

Yes, It's Malcolm Gladwell's book. Talks about, like, the dad role in the mom role.

[Phil Duckett]

In a gay couple.

[Esther Steinberg]

In a gay couple.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm assuming the bottom takes the mom role.

[Esther Steinberg]

Probably, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

They're already.

[Esther Steinberg]

It's good to know that when a gay guy drops off the kids, I'm like, bottom, bottom. No, I. I would think that, you know, if you have children, you're versatile. You're just bored. And I like, I. Yeah, I think my gay men are more verse than. Than. I don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

I wonder if they switch it up. Like, who's the mom day to day.

[Turner Sparks]

What about.

[Esther Steinberg]

No, no lesbians.

[Turner Sparks]

Same thing. They're both dead. Like, wrestle and, like, beat you up and prepare for.

[Esther Steinberg]

When my husband's out of town doing shows, I wrestle with my kids. And I. I was told I had to take off all my jewelry because I scratch them and stuff. And I'm like. And so I took off all my jewelry and, like, put my hair in a bun. Put, like, basketball shorts on, like a sports bra. And I was like, all right, dad's gone. And I had to, like, I rough them up and I, like, I hold them upside down. And the dad is 6, 4. So the kids are like. They're like pit bulls. They're like puppy. Big puppies. You know when you see a dog and you're like, it's going to be huge. Right now. It's cute and little, but, like, it's growing at a rapid. The paws are big.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Esther Steinberg]

And the kids are gonna be huge.

[Turner Sparks]

Next question.

[Phil Duckett]

Next question.

[Turner Sparks]

Should we do it?

[Phil Duckett]

Let's get into it.

[Esther Steinberg]

I'm. Stop talking about children, Martin.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm a regular white guy in Dayton, Ohio.

[Phil Duckett]

You are regular.

[Turner Sparks]

What's up, Martin? He says, I'm thinking about becoming Jewish. What are the best and worst cities in America for me to move to as a new Jew?

[Esther Steinberg]

Brooklyn.

[Turner Sparks]

Best or worst.

[Esther Steinberg]

Worst.

[Turner Sparks]

Worst.

[Esther Steinberg]

Why everyone's hate street Jews.

[Phil Duckett]

I thought half of Brooklyn is Jewish.

[Esther Steinberg]

And they hate Jews too.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, okay.

[Esther Steinberg]

No, wait. And they're all self hating.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, and Kyrie Irving used to live here. He really hates Jews. Yeah, he did. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

No, he didn't. He watched one movie. He got watched one movie about, like, the Holocaust that didn't, like, align with what. But he never said.

[Turner Sparks]

He said it didn't happen.

[Phil Duckett]

He didn't. He said.

[Esther Steinberg]

He said the earth was fine. The earth is flying.

[Phil Duckett]

He said the earth. He never said the Holocaust.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yeah, he did.

[Phil Duckett]

No way. Yeah, that'll be a fact check. He never said the Holocaust.

[Turner Sparks]

He said the Holocaust didn't happen.

[George W. Bush]

I'm on it, folks.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't think.

[Esther Steinberg]

No, they had a talking to.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I don't think he ever said or.

[Turner Sparks]

Did he retweet a movie that said.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what I'm saying.

[Turner Sparks]

And he was like, you guys.

[Phil Duckett]

And he was like, there were some really good points in this. He didn't say the whole thing because he could agree it was about how.

[Turner Sparks]

The Holocaust didn't happen.

[Phil Duckett]

You can agree with certain things in a book and not say the book is good.

[Turner Sparks]

Not that book.

[Esther Steinberg]

You're like, mein Kampf has a couple of good points.

[Turner Sparks]

It was a whole movie.

[Phil Duckett]

We're literally living it. Minecamp. And is still in the Naval Library. But I know why the caged bird thing was taken out. So was he wrong? Trump believes it.

[Turner Sparks]

Did you see that?

[Phil Duckett]

DEI took out a bunch of books from the Naval Library base. Like, a lot of books that he thought were, like, for dei.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yeah. Because when I think Navy, I think Reader.

[Phil Duckett]

Right, Right. I know why the Caged Bird Sing was taken off a couple other books. Mein Kampf has two copies still left in there. They never took those.

[Esther Steinberg]

Well, we.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, but that doesn't prove that Kyrie Irving.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm just saying people agree that. I guess Trump thinks there's some good points made in that, but it's not all bad.

[Turner Sparks]

But he's wrong, of course.

[Phil Duckett]

But Kyrie said the same thing.

[Turner Sparks]

But they can both be wrong.

[Esther Steinberg]

The point is, the best place to be Jewish is not. I think Vegas is a good place. I think wherever you are, you can just be Jewish and it's fine. And everyone hates us and it's fine. Fine.

[Phil Duckett]

I think Florida would be so hack.

[Esther Steinberg]

It's so hack.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think everyone.

[Esther Steinberg]

Oh, the Jews. It's the pro. When things.

[Turner Sparks]

More people hate Jews than I realize.

[Esther Steinberg]

I will say that when things are going why? When things are going well, everyone's happy. Yeah, we're all happy. We're rich. Yeah. I love Jews. They're so fun. Holla. You know, and then when things are bad and people are like, wait a second, my stock isn't going well, My crypto's not going well, they're like, Jews.

[Phil Duckett]

It's the Jews.

[Esther Steinberg]

That's what happened. Germany's. The economy kind of turned down. And they were like, who do we blame? And it's like them. And it's so hack.

[Phil Duckett]

I think Kanye. Kyrie hates Jews. I think Kanye definitely Kyrie was having.

[Turner Sparks]

A bad season, so he blamed the Jew. Who is that? Why did I not get a owner.

[Phil Duckett]

Of the Brooklyn Nets? He wasn't talking about all Jews. He was talking about that the owners from China. Well, then, nevermind. I thought the Brooklyn Nets owner was Jewish.

[Turner Sparks]

I will say this because one of my best friends, Michael Kaplan, is Jewish and for years was like, everyone hates Jews. Everyone hates Jews. And he would also say, because I do a lot of shows at private country clubs. And he was like, oh, they all hate Jews. I bet they hate Jews. No one ever. I knew hated. They didn't. They didn't. I was like, you're kind of delusional. I don't think everyone hates Jews. And then October 7th happened, and I was like, oh, I guess more people hate Jews than I realize. But it wasn't those people. It wasn't like the white Republican people as much as it was. There was a whole nother group of people.

[Esther Steinberg]

There's a lot of brainwashing happening. The point is, if you, if you have a political idea or an idea about the Middle east and you're white with a septum piercing, it's like, good. Great. Thanks. Thanks. Purple hair, white girl, you get Middle Eastern politics. Purple hair, white girl, you get what's happening in the Middle East. You've never been before. You can't point to it on a map. Sure. You have a really, really good points. And everyone's allowed to have an opinion because it's America. But I think any hatred of any group of people is so vile and so disgusting, we cannot point fingers and say we hate this group. Right. That's. No.

[Phil Duckett]

I hate individuals, but I do.

[Esther Steinberg]

I am a little offended that if, if there was a lot of hate towards. I'll do what a producer does. Fill in an ethnicity. Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

Russians would be a good one. Because there's no even. Well, or Ukrainians or like, something. Someone is at war right now.

[Esther Steinberg]

It has to be kind of an ethnicity that you can't, like I move.

[Turner Sparks]

Or that you can. Can't, like, see, See, maybe.

[Esther Steinberg]

Are you trying to say, like, I can see? Whatever. The point is hatred towards groups of people is so vile, so disgusting, so awful. I believe in togetherness, supporting loving community. I like diversity. I like different people. We should all be getting along. And all of that is what, like, the super liberal people believe and want, except for they're super comfortable with hating Jews because of their success. And if you look back, the history of why Jews have made money is because Catholics were like, you can't borrow money that's yucky. You cannot charge interest. And so the only ones left were the Jews in the ghetto. And they're like, we'll give you money and charge interest. And then they got rich. And then they said, you guys, you're rich and we're not, and you're the problem and we hate you. And that happens over and over again. And so you're like, but they're only.

[Phil Duckett]

So Jews stick to their own, and that's how they get not.

[Esther Steinberg]

We don't want to. No one wanted to do this yucky money job. So the Jews were like, I guess we'll do it. Because they were banned from trade schools. They're like, you can't go to Oxford. You can't go to this club. So I don't. I don't think it's new. It's super duper old. Every problem that we're talking about with Jews is like, we can go to Egypt, we can go to Italy, we can go to Germany. Like, what page in the history book do you want to go to? It's the same thing, and it ends with a bunch of dead Jews and then white people feeling bad afterwards. So I'm kind of excited.

[Phil Duckett]

So why problem?

[Turner Sparks]

She didn't think that you should by race.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, we can't.

[Turner Sparks]

What happened to not not, we can't? See, I thought you said individuals. You just said a minute ago, individuals.

[Phil Duckett]

Now that I think about it, white people as a group tend to bug me.

[Turner Sparks]

So is Tampa a good place to live? As a Jewish.

[Esther Steinberg]

It's all white. I mean, it's. It's in nowhere as good. Don't do it.

[Turner Sparks]

Don't you want a good life? Just don't be a Jew.

[Esther Steinberg]

You want a good life, an easy life? Do you want an easy life? Don't be Jewish, Martin. It's not for you.

[Turner Sparks]

Ohio said. So you're telling him, just don't be.

[Esther Steinberg]

Don't convert. Oh, where's a good city to be Jewish. I don't know where. Go to the history book. What's a good year to be Jewish? Two years ago, October 4th, 5th and 6th.

[Phil Duckett]

Fair point.

[Esther Steinberg]

I just don't. It's not fun, it's not easy. And I'm sure I. I do wonder what it's like to be a black person into. There's hatred right in the world and not in Brooklyn. We all love black people and obviously women personally.

[Phil Duckett]

And this might. I think black people may be hated more than the Jews, but I could.

[Turner Sparks]

Now we're talking about. Now let's get into this conversation, and maybe this is a conversation.

[Esther Steinberg]

I would never be able to answer that, and I would never even try to answer.

[Phil Duckett]

But I understand where you're. I mean, anti Semitism is a real thing.

[Esther Steinberg]

But I'm like, sure, you can see it immediately.

[Phil Duckett]

But the thing is, you can't always tell a Jew just by looking at it, you know, Black.

[Esther Steinberg]

I like that, though. I like that. Everyone's like, you can't tell a Jew. You gotta smell them. You gotta open their wallet and check for all that ugly Jewish money.

[Turner Sparks]

That dirty, dirty money.

[Phil Duckett]

We all thought Joe was Jewish, and then we find out he's Italian.

[Esther Steinberg]

I have to say, he's doing a real good job being Italian. I. I got a nose job. And I didn't want to be Jewish from, like, two blocks away.

[Phil Duckett]

That's normally how I swatch all the. By the nose. I wouldn't have known you.

[Esther Steinberg]

And now everyone's like, mamanita.

[Turner Sparks]

And I'm like, hola, little Puerto Rican in there. So what is. Are you a sellout? What is the community?

[Esther Steinberg]

I am trying to survive the world.

[Phil Duckett]

I just want adapt or die, Turner.

[Esther Steinberg]

I am. I'm like, we're. We're a year from me in an attic. And believe you me, I've been journaling because. Want to get famous?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Esther Steinberg]

She got published. What about me?

[Turner Sparks]

She's a published author. Yeah, right.

[Esther Steinberg]

But, yeah, we're. We're gonna repeat history over and over again. I mean, we're so comfortable. It's so cozy. You're like, let's put on those warm, comfortable, anti Semitic socks. Oh, cozy. It's cozy. I miss those.

[Phil Duckett]

Pretty great.

[Esther Steinberg]

Everyone's comfortable. Racism. When you're like, hey, people don't like black people. It's like, then they're a racist piece of.

[Turner Sparks]

That was hilarious.

[Esther Steinberg]

There's a word for people who don't like black people. Racist piece of. Yeah, but then the word for someone who doesn't like Jews is called a Brooklyn. I know.

[Turner Sparks]

They're called Columbia students.

[Esther Steinberg]

Yeah, exactly. Well, they're not Columbia students. They actually dug in who these people are, and they're people from other countries hanging out on Columbia's campus.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, like non students.

[Esther Steinberg]

They're non students.

[Phil Duckett]

A lot of them have a student ID to get past that.

[Turner Sparks]

I was actually up there over the weekend just paying my respects.

[Esther Steinberg]

And you're setting up your green tent.

[Turner Sparks]

It was. Yeah. Ham. And you got leaflets. I was tearing down. I was tearing down hostage posts.

[Esther Steinberg]

I want to be in your body one day. When people are, like, screaming mean things about Jews. I just want to be in a white Republican's body.

[Turner Sparks]

Why do you think I'm.

[Esther Steinberg]

It's your body. It's not you. Your soul is a good person.

[Phil Duckett]

Body is crazy.

[Esther Steinberg]

You're facing.

[Turner Sparks]

I made political. I vote for whoever's good. I don't vote.

[Esther Steinberg]

I don't think I want to be in your vote either.

[Phil Duckett]

I was like, what the. Turner. Damn.

[Esther Steinberg]

Are you even a citizen?

[Turner Sparks]

Wait. I'm going to El Salvador very soon.

[Esther Steinberg]

It's a great place to be. Jewish there.

[Turner Sparks]

Anyway. They. Oh, well, the president's a Jew. Oh, isn't he?

[Esther Steinberg]

I don't know. I can't keep up. I cannot imagine. It's the. Taking all the jobs no one wants.

[Turner Sparks]

He's not Mexican.

[Phil Duckett]

First El Salvadorian.

[Turner Sparks]

This guy is. You have a master's degree.

[Phil Duckett]

Tomato. Tomato is Central America.

[Turner Sparks]

What are you.

[Phil Duckett]

What are you talking about, man?

[Esther Steinberg]

In a way, it is. Tomato, tomato. We've developed lines.

[Phil Duckett]

Borders.

[Esther Steinberg]

Borders. White colonists.

[Phil Duckett]

But the Mayans. The Mayans didn't have borders.

[Esther Steinberg]

It was their whole, entire peninsula. They had Quetzalcoatl. They had the gods. They had bloodletting. Good, clean culture.

[Turner Sparks]

Why is everyone yelling at me? I didn't do anything.

[Phil Duckett]

Because you're white and you're Republican. Turner, we all decided.

[Turner Sparks]

I thought there was. We weren't deciding of race.

[Phil Duckett]

We're bringing it down on the man this episode.

[Esther Steinberg]

The point is that it's not good to hate a group. You can hate individuals.

[Turner Sparks]

Exactly.

[Esther Steinberg]

Hate individual people.

[Turner Sparks]

Hate me personally.

[Esther Steinberg]

Get. If you don't like Jews, give me a list of the five Jews you don't like, and I'll allow you to dislike them. Just like you can pick five black people to dislike. We can pick 300 million white people to dislike.

[Phil Duckett]

300 million.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, easy. All right. We got to wrap this up thing up. Yeah, we've had a. This has been a. We've only got through two questions. Normally, we do four. This is a pretty amazing episode. This is great. This is what we want. I would rather do one question a week. You know what I mean? When it's going well, I don't know.

[Esther Steinberg]

Me speaking is going to solidify everyone's anti Semitism.

[Turner Sparks]

People are going to love Jews more after.

[Phil Duckett]

No, no.

[Esther Steinberg]

They'll be like, what is that?

[Phil Duckett]

They're going to hate me. I just.

[Esther Steinberg]

My purpose on earth is to. Unfortunately I have the name Esther Steinberg and it sparks conversation. I cannot avoid it. If my name was like Christine Stein, they'd be like, I don't know if she's Jewish, but like Esther Steinber, like, ah, so Jewish. How do you even breathe? And so I got a nose job. But I want, and I want to be hot Jewish girl. Cuz I want to turn the narrative. If we have enough attractive Jewish women. People like Jewish women.

[Phil Duckett]

I've met plenty of hot Jewish women.

[Esther Steinberg]

There you go. So why. Why hate on? Why hate on.

[Phil Duckett]

Normally they got. Normally they got cake too. Why Jewish women having booty?

[Esther Steinberg]

Sometimes I like to divide Jewish men and Jewish women. And I'm like, hey, think about a couple of bad guys in the Jewish place. All men. I can't think of a bad Jewish lady.

[Turner Sparks]

That's always a good move to say that, to deflect. Like the white women do that a lot. They go the. No, it's the men that are bad. We're good people.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, Karen, that's always a good one.

[Turner Sparks]

That's a good system in. That's always a winning.

[Phil Duckett]

Calling the cops on people fishing.

[Esther Steinberg]

Well also, who's in charge? Is there a female president or prime minister who's making great decisions and making the world a better place? Or is it just a bunch of men ruining the world by being like, my dick is bigger than yours.

[Turner Sparks]

That lady in Italy is pretty bad.

[Esther Steinberg]

Okay, well then maybe they'll fuck it up even worse. Men are doing a good job.

[Turner Sparks]

Is okay in Germany, but I want world peace.

[Esther Steinberg]

I want everyone. I want a Kumbaya circle and I want everyone to love each other. And I don't recommend being Jewish. It's hard.

[Turner Sparks]

That's the show, everybody. Thank you, Patreon subscribers. Stick around. We got your bonus question coming up in just a minute. Everybody else, you'll see next week, come to our show. May 22nd. New York Comedy Club, right in New York City. 6pm May 22nd. We're all doing stand up and we're taking your questions live.

[Phil Duckett]

That's it, Joe, fact check.

[George W. Bush]

Oh yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, I forgot.

[George W. Bush]

Joe, do you want to do it on the Patreon?

[Turner Sparks]

No.

[George W. Bush]

All right, let's just do it real quick.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[George W. Bush]

Peter Turksen is the guy that's gonna be the black Pope if he wins. He was the Bishop of the Cape coast and would be the first black Pope. And when asked what his pope name would be, he said it would be Pope Sean Paul ii.

[Phil Duckett]

You're full of shit. You're full of shit. That was racist. Sean Paul. I just give him the light.

[Turner Sparks]

You'll be doing his speeches in auto tune.

[George W. Bush]

I will just end on that one.

[Turner Sparks]

What do you find about Kyrie Irving?

[George W. Bush]

Okay, so he tweeted a link to a movie called Wake Up Black America, which some people would describe the movie as stuff with anti Semitic tropes.

[Esther Steinberg]

One thing is clear to me is that black people and Jewish people must. They are allies. They are allies. They are allies that I. Jewish people must be allies to black people. Black people must be. Be allies to Jewish people. All we're trying to fight in a perfect world, we're trying to fight the white people.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know how that's going to happen.

[Esther Steinberg]

We are allies.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, I think ally situation. We both had like struggles very soon, you know, I used to do a bit about this, but we've had similar struggles, so I don't know why we wouldn't. But I'm telling you, there's black Jews.

[Esther Steinberg]

It's not like it's white Jews.

[Phil Duckett]

White Jews, the black Israelites.

[Esther Steinberg]

There's not white Jews.

[Phil Duckett]

They are black Jews, but there's not white Jews.

[Esther Steinberg]

There's white Jews, there's brown Jews and there's black Jews. Jews. Oh, yeah, they're in Ethiopia. It's. They're out there. So it's crazy.

[Phil Duckett]

We built the pyramids for you.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm not Egyptian. You keep saying me, everything's me. Everything bad in the world is all sudden me.

[Esther Steinberg]

Turner.

[Turner Sparks]

My parents are from New Mexico. We have no connection to each.

[Esther Steinberg]

Okay, it's El Salvador, New Mexico.

[Turner Sparks]

That's it. That's the show. Everybody stay black.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

You've got a question but you're scared to ask. Just drop the boys a message because they're up to the test. They're all in the dice. They ain't always nice but you can't think twice and give it black and white and light black and white at ways.