Is It Racist To Not Like White Comedy?

Summary

In-Depth Summary of "Black and White Advice" – Is It Racist To Not Like White Comedy?

Black and White Advice, hosted by Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett, delves deep into the complexities of race, humor, and interpersonal relationships. In the episode titled "Is It Racist To Not Like White Comedy?" released on October 22, 2024, Turner and Phil navigate through a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions to address the nuanced topic of racial preferences in comedy. This detailed summary captures the essence of their conversation, highlighting key points, notable quotes, and the overall flow of the episode.

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1. Introduction to the Episode [00:00 – 00:56]

The episode kicks off with Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett introducing themselves and setting the stage for the discussion. They emphasize their mission to answer all questions about race, even the most challenging ones, inviting listeners to engage via email.

• Phil Duckett: "But we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones." [00:28]

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2. Who Said What Segment [00:56 – 11:15]

Turner and Phil launch a new interactive segment called "Who Said What," where they present quotes from famous individuals and challenge each other to identify the speaker from multiple-choice options. This segment serves as both an icebreaker and a way to infuse humor into the episode.

• Turner Sparks: "The best and most beautiful thing in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. Who said it?" [01:20]

• Phil Duckett: "That sounds like a blind quote." [02:46]

The segment showcases their playful banter and sets a lighthearted tone for the episode.

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3. Listener Questions and Discussions [12:43 – 42:46]

a. Stacy in Washington DC [12:43 – 19:24]

Stacy, a big and beautiful white woman at a predominantly white university, seeks advice on why she receives attention from black men in the downtown area but not from white men at her university.

• Stacy's Question: "Every time I go downtown, though, I get a lot of attention. Of attention from the African American gentleman. What should I do?" [12:50]

• Phil Duckett's Response: "You need to go where you’re appreciated that, my snow bunny… It probably goes back to slavery for being honest." [13:13]

Phil discusses cultural preferences and societal influences affecting interracial relationships, highlighting the stigma that can exist within certain black communities towards dating white individuals.

• Notable Quote: "When I do it, I'm the scum of the earth." [19:06]

b. Frank in Atlanta [19:33 – 28:00]

Frank, a black man who took his black wife to a white comedy show in Manhattan, questions whether their lack of laughter indicates racism.

• Frank's Question: "We didn't laugh at all, even though the rest of the crowd was losing their minds. Are we racist?" [19:57]

• Phil Duckett's Response: "Comedy is subjective. So what you don't find funny and other people do. That's just based off your life experiences and how you view the world." [20:02]

Turner and Phil explore why certain styles of white comedy may not resonate with black audiences, discussing differences in humor aesthetics and the importance of authenticity.

• Notable Quote: "Most black people don't find white folks funny. And that's just kind of how it goes." [21:53]

c. Lena in Tampa, Florida [28:43 – 35:00]

Lena, in a biracial relationship with an Indian husband, faces assumptions about her husband's ethnicity and seeks advice on navigating these conversations.

• Lena's Question: "How soon into a conversation do you two mention that your spouse is not your race?" [28:43]

• Turner's Advice: "I'm going to say immediately. Because... My wife's Chinese." [29:15]

The discussion emphasizes the importance of transparency and embracing one's intercultural relationship to mitigate stereotyping and assumptions.

• Notable Quote: "It's like, I don't know what you want. I like how Serena Williams needs somebody else's money." [19:00]

d. Tony in the Air [35:10 – 42:46]

Tony shares an uncomfortable in-flight experience where a white passenger's feet invaded his personal space, prompting advice on diffusing such situations without escalating tensions.

• Tony's Scenario: "When I woke up, there were Caucasian toes from behind me on my armrest." [35:29]

• Phil Duckett's Response: "I would probably elbow them... Who raised you? Where is this acceptable?" [36:26]

Turner and Phil discuss personal boundaries, racial perceptions, and maintaining composure in uncomfortable scenarios.

• Notable Quote: "Raw toes is gross." [37:35]

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4. White Lies and Dark Truths Segment [43:10 – 44:28]

In this new segment, the hosts address inaccuracies made during the episode, ensuring factual correctness and maintaining credibility.

• Correction: Phil claimed, "Indian people move here and buy up all the Dunkin' Donuts," which was refuted by the producer Joe, who clarified that Indian individuals predominantly purchase Subway franchises. [43:45 – 43:57]

• Turner's Reflection: "Pretty good. We nailed it." [44:07]

This segment underscores the importance of accuracy and accountability in discussions about race.

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5. Conclusion and Final Thoughts [44:36 – 45:15]

Turner and Phil wrap up the episode with final humorous takes and reminders for listeners to reach out with their questions.

• Phil Duckett: "Love you motherfuckers out there." [44:28]

• Turner Sparks: "Cause they're up to the task they're rolling the dice they ain't always nice." [44:43]

The episode concludes on a light-hearted note, reinforcing the show's commitment to addressing tough questions with humor and honesty.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [02:40] Phil Duckett: "That sounds like a blind quote."

• [19:06] Phil Duckett: "When I do it, I'm the scum of the earth."

• [20:02] Phil Duckett: "Comedy is subjective. So what you don't find funny and other people do. That's just based off your life experiences and how you view the world."

• [21:53] Phil Duckett: "Most black people don't find white folks funny. And that's just kind of how it goes."

• [29:15] Turner Sparks: "I'm going to say immediately. Because... My wife's Chinese."

• [36:26] Phil Duckett: "I would probably elbow them... Who raised you? Where is this acceptable?"

• [37:35] Turner Sparks: "Raw toes is gross."

---

Conclusion

In this episode, Black and White Advice effectively blends humor with critical discussions on race and relationships. Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett provide a candid exploration of why certain racial groups may not resonate with specific comedic styles and offer practical advice on navigating interracial dynamics. Through interactive segments, listener questions, and truthful reflections, they create an engaging dialogue that educates while entertaining, aligning perfectly with their mission to provide insightful advice on race-related issues.

Transcript

[Phil Duckett]

Because you know what? Black women with the women that always have something to say about me being with a white woman, they never say anything about Serena and her Williams and her husband or any. Or Eve and her. Like, any time a black woman's with a white man, they never like, get your money, sis. When I do it, I'm the scum of the earth. Have you ever had a question you wanted to ask opposite race, but you were too nervous to ask?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

And this is black and white advice.

[Phil Duckett]

But we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones.

[Turner Sparks]

This is black. Black and white advice.

[Phil Duckett]

Black and white.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, so, yeah, we're going to.

[Phil Duckett]

Start off with this segment.

[Turner Sparks]

Who said what?

[Phil Duckett]

Who said what? Is the name of the new segment we're going to do? We're basically. We're going to say quotes of famous people throughout history.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

And you guess. I'm give you three. We're going to give each other three options, and then you guess. See if you can guess who said.

[Turner Sparks]

It, who said it. Three.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, three choices.

[Turner Sparks]

It's a multiple choice, and we have three questions. Whoever gets the most point wins. All right, should I go first?

[Phil Duckett]

Absolutely.

[Turner Sparks]

The best and most beautiful thing in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. Who said it? Was it. Option one. Stevie Wonder. Okay, option two, Rocky and Rocky 5. Option three, Helen Keller.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay, well, Rocky had major CTE by movie 5.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes. He was fighting in the street against the guy with aids. So.

[Phil Duckett]

So probably a bad idea. Helen Keller was a deaf mute, so she couldn't talk, so we never knew what she was thinking. I got to go at the first Stevie Wonder. Stevie Wonder. Ribbon in the sky.

[Turner Sparks]

Living for the city.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Incorrect.

[Phil Duckett]

Damn it.

[Turner Sparks]

It was Helen Keller. What?

[Phil Duckett]

How do we.

[Turner Sparks]

She can probably write.

[Phil Duckett]

That's gonna be a white lie.

[Turner Sparks]

I believe you don't think that's the truth. But according to the Internet. According to the Internet, Helen Keller said or wrote that you're allowed to write quotes. Right.

[Phil Duckett]

You are allowed to write that.

[Turner Sparks]

You're allowed to write that.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm like, you can see.

[Turner Sparks]

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

[Phil Duckett]

That sounds like a blind quote.

[Turner Sparks]

She can't see.

[Phil Duckett]

Or she could touch you see what I'm saying? She couldn't even feel.

[Turner Sparks]

She couldn't touch a robot.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know. We're gonna stop talking about Helen. I don't know what she did.

[Turner Sparks]

Anyway. Wrong answer.

[Phil Duckett]

I feel like. Well, we're gonna check that. We're gonna check Helen on that because.

[Turner Sparks]

Was she blind? Because. Can I tell you. Okay, definitely. Are you right on that, though?

[Phil Duckett]

I'm 100, right? That's basic history.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I tell you, there's. In China, there's a. A sunglasses brand, and I swear to you, the name of the brand is Helen Keller, and I don't think she invented it.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, she definitely has owed some money for.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think she flew to China.

[Phil Duckett]

Hella brand.

[Turner Sparks]

And started a Sun. But it is true that. I mean, that, you know, blind people usually wear sunglasses.

[Phil Duckett]

The one. Yeah. But I feel like I respect the ones more that don't. They're like, I don't give a fuck if my eyes creep you out. I'm gonna go raw dog.

[Turner Sparks]

Is Stevie Wonder blind?

[Phil Duckett]

You keep bringing this up. And stop slandering this man. Yes, he's blind. I saw him shoot a free throw on TikTok. That motherfucker's bl. It went straight up and straight down. It was crazy as hell. I couldn't believe he agreed.

[Turner Sparks]

I've seen Shaq shoot free throws.

[Phil Duckett]

It was. It made Shaq look like Steph Curry. It was fucking crazy. All right, My first one.

[Turner Sparks]

Here we go, baby.

[Phil Duckett]

There is nothing more painful to me at this stage in my life than to walk down the street and hear footsteps, than turn around and see somebody white and feel relieved. First.

[Turner Sparks]

There's nothing more painful to me, but. So this person is acknowledging. I do feel happy when I. I feel relieved when I see a white person because I'm scared of black people, is the inference. But I'm ashamed of that feeling. So I have that feeling, but I'm ashamed of it, is what I said.

[Phil Duckett]

That's how you took it?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

Your options are A, Michael Jackson, B, Dolly Parton, or C, Jesse Jackson.

[Turner Sparks]

Whoa. My only white options. Dolly Parton. I don't think she would say that.

[Phil Duckett]

You don't think somebody from old Grand Ole Opry would say some shit like that?

[C]

I mean, that is two white options.

[Phil Duckett]

Come on.

[C]

Michael Jackson.

[Phil Duckett]

You will not slam J on this podcast.

[C]

Like, is no one gonna say this?

[Turner Sparks]

What. Can I ask if was in this quote the white person that they're seeing? Is that a child? Because then it would probably be Michael Jackson.

[Phil Duckett]

I wasn't there, Turner.

[Turner Sparks]

If they'd be happy to see it.

[Phil Duckett]

You know what a white boy. First of all, I'm not doing this with y'all. Leave Mike the fuck up out of this, he was never found guilty of none of that shit. Here we go.

[Turner Sparks]

He built a Disneyland in his backyard. And it was like, come on, children.

[Phil Duckett]

He was a fucked up youth. He wasn't banging them.

[Turner Sparks]

So are they. So are they all.

[Phil Duckett]

Macaulay Culkin said he ain't never him.

[Turner Sparks]

So that doesn't mean he didn't. I mean, like, well, if you gonna.

[Phil Duckett]

A kid home alone's the one to. I didn't like how that sounded. I didn't like none of that. All right, we gonna move on. What are your.

[Turner Sparks]

There's no chance it's Jesse Jack. I guess I'll go. Michael Jackson.

[Phil Duckett]

Wrong. You had to stick to your gut. It was Jesse Jackson.

[Turner Sparks]

It was Jesse Jackson.

[Phil Duckett]

Jesse said that.

[Turner Sparks]

What?

[Phil Duckett]

Jesse Jackson. Mr. Silver rights himself. What? Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Isn't he. Oh, my. Wait, he was on the balcony when Martin Luther King got shot, right?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Turner Sparks]

What is it? But he.

[Phil Duckett]

Cause black people scare.

[Turner Sparks]

These people are all full of.

[Phil Duckett]

Not you people. Geez, Turner, these people. I mean, politicians are out of control is what he just said, let me tell you.

[Turner Sparks]

You said you want to have sex with Macaulay Culkin.

[Phil Duckett]

I did not say. But I said if that's.

[Turner Sparks]

You said if you were a pedo.

[Phil Duckett]

You go for the gusto. I mean, shit. I mean, of all the kids.

[Turner Sparks]

He's a good one.

[Phil Duckett]

Weird. So toast.

[C]

I mean, he was in My Girl, you know.

[Phil Duckett]

Come on, bro. He was Richie Rich. Come on, dog.

[Turner Sparks]

What are you convincing me to have sex with him again?

[Phil Duckett]

You just gonna make. You're not making me feel like I'm like, the weirdo here?

[Turner Sparks]

You brought it up.

[Phil Duckett]

You brought up Michael Jackson. Trying to put. And I was just saying Macaulay defended Michael's.

[Turner Sparks]

This is your defense of Michael Jackson? Who wouldn't want to have sex with Macaulay Culkin?

[C]

His got cock in his last name.

[Phil Duckett]

We won't talk about a dog. Leg left. This is taking so. Oh, go to your next question.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, next question. You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose, Dr. Seuss.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, imagine if I just got it.

[Turner Sparks]

Ready?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Here are the options, Dr. Seuss.

[Phil Duckett]

Shut up.

[Turner Sparks]

That's one. House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries.

[Phil Duckett]

What a change up.

[Turner Sparks]

Run dmc. Would you like me to read the quote again?

[Phil Duckett]

No, I got it. Hmm. Run DMC.

[Turner Sparks]

Dr. Seuss.

[Phil Duckett]

I said it.

[Turner Sparks]

You nailed it. Yeah, it's a Dr. Seuss quote.

[Phil Duckett]

I felt that you talked yourself out of it. I did, because I was like, you just added that.

[Turner Sparks]

Because I said, yeah, baby.

[Phil Duckett]

Wow. I mean, that was like shooting Steph Curry from deep. I drained that motherfucker and then took it back.

[Turner Sparks]

You didn't think it was House Minority Leader Hakeem Jefferson? His speech is rhyme. He's one of the great. He's like a great speaker. He's.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I don't want to check him out sometime. I've never heard.

[Turner Sparks]

He's here in Brooklyn. He's the head. He's the whatever, you know, representative from Brooklyn.

[Phil Duckett]

Do you want a lot of town hall meetings?

[Turner Sparks]

Do I go. I watch C Span.

[Phil Duckett]

Not surprising. One bit. Not one bit. All right, last one. Damn. So still tied?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. But I got my last opportunity here.

[Phil Duckett]

I know, I know, because I blew it. All right, here we go. I know how hard it is to be a woman, especially a black woman. Your choices. Rachel.

[Turner Sparks]

Rachel Doles is all.

[Phil Duckett]

Rachel Dolezal. RuPaul. Mike Tyson.

[Turner Sparks]

I know how hard it is to be a woman, especially a black woman. All right, well, Mike Tyson did spend time in prison, so maybe.

[Phil Duckett]

I hope he never hears this podcast. I'm. I mean, because isn't he said it.

[Turner Sparks]

When he came out of prison, that.

[Phil Duckett]

He was a woman now? That he came out?

[Turner Sparks]

No, but that he, you know, you have to do what you have to do to survive. I don't know what his exact quotes were, but. You don't remember that?

[Phil Duckett]

I don't.

[Turner Sparks]

He was screaming at somebody on. At a weigh in, and he was like, I've been to prison. I will, like, I'll like, f you, tell you love me or whatever. He said something like that.

[Phil Duckett]

I remember when he said that. That was crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

Anyway, he got experimental in prison, so. But I. But anyway, I'm just talking about. And then. That's one. And then. Who was the other? Rachel Dole. Giselle.

[Phil Duckett]

Who's the white lady who identifies as black?

[Turner Sparks]

Identifies as black.

[Phil Duckett]

And then RuPaul.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm gonna go with Rachel. My instinct was Rachel Dolezal. I was about to say it before you gave me the option.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, I saw you shot that out there.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm gonna go with her.

[Phil Duckett]

Wrong.

[Turner Sparks]

RuPaul.

[Phil Duckett]

Wait.

[Turner Sparks]

Mike Tyson.

[Phil Duckett]

Mike Tyson. No way. No way. Oh.

[Turner Sparks]

Woo. Oh, my God.

[Phil Duckett]

And we call that a draw.

[Turner Sparks]

We both talked ourselves out of it.

[Phil Duckett]

Out of the wind. Out of the wind.

[Turner Sparks]

You intimidated me, though. You said he was gonna come kick my ass.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, I hope we get big enough for him to check us out, but, I mean, yeah, I would let him totally whip your dad.

[Turner Sparks]

What was the quote? Again, that's our Patreon that is inviting.

[Phil Duckett]

Me getting his jaw broken by Mike Tyson. Yeah, I know how hard it is to be a woman. Especially a black woman.

[Turner Sparks]

I've been to prison. He said at the end. I added that.

[Phil Duckett]

I think he might just add that.

[C]

Just go with your guts, guys. Next time.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, listen, we should have. And that's why I used to take my tests in high school. Never studied, always my gut.

[Turner Sparks]

How'd that work out?

[Phil Duckett]

2.0.

[Turner Sparks]

Pretty good.

[Phil Duckett]

Average.

[Turner Sparks]

We'll take it.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm an average guy.

[Turner Sparks]

C equals degree.

[Phil Duckett]

Come on now, you better talk that noise. They don't ever ask for your GPA on your resume.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, that was who said what. We will be right back with some black and white advice.

[D]

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[Turner Sparks]

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[Phil Duckett]

No purchase necessary. VGW Group void. We're prohibited by law.

[Turner Sparks]

18/ Terms and Conditions apply. Hey, you want to get bonus content early episodes and have your questions answered on the show?

[Phil Duckett]

Well then subscribe to our [e-mail] and subscribe right now.

[Turner Sparks]

Do it and we'll give you a shout out on a future episode.

[Phil Duckett]

And I might call you the N word.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we're back. Black and white advice. Question number one.

[Phil Duckett]

This is my favorite part.

[Turner Sparks]

This is by far the best part.

[Phil Duckett]

This is my favorite part.

[Turner Sparks]

This is the whole show.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Ready? We're gonna kick it off. Stacy in Washington dc.

[Phil Duckett]

Hello, Stacy.

[Turner Sparks]

How's it going, Stacy? She says I'm a big and beautiful white woman who gets no attention from the guys at my predominantly white university.

[Phil Duckett]

Hate to see it.

[Turner Sparks]

It's Too bad. Every time I go downtown, though, I get a lot of attention. Of attention from the African American gentleman. What should I do? I feel like this is a question for Phil.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, we like our vanilla milkshakes thick, baby. Let me tell you something. You need to go where you appreciated that, my snow bunny, because here's the thing. You see it everywhere. You see it in every Walmart in America, all right? There's always a real, real big, big leg white gal with old, skinny big dick, brother. That's just how that thing go. You know why? Because we like the. I don't know why it is. And it's. And it probably goes back to slavery for being honest. I don't know. Because it's like the forbidden fruit to some men. I'm. My girl is white, but it's not because she is white. It's just met a girl who I actually like, but I have cousins who. That's all they go for.

[Turner Sparks]

Only white women.

[Phil Duckett]

Only white. And they, like. It's like a trophy to them. Like, it's like a thing of pride. And they're just like, feel. I remember my cousin was like, dog, you gotta see this new little snow bunny I got. And she walked in, she was 6 3, 260 pounds. I was like, brother, that's a yeti.

[Turner Sparks]

That's a woolly mammoth.

[Phil Duckett]

Tell you that's a chupacabra, motherfucker. But no, but. So that's what I'm saying. I don't care how there's a man out there for you. Every time I see a big white woman who thinks she's ugly, there is always a black man in prison going crazy about her. So you got to play to your audience, baby.

[Turner Sparks]

A lot of times they'll. They'll marry, you know, like, guys in prison can get married.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, dude.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes. The Menendez brothers were imprisoned down the street from my house, where I grew up.

[Phil Duckett]

Women go crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

They got. They were getting married, and then they were divorcing the women, and they're in for life, bro.

[Phil Duckett]

But think about it. Just think about it.

[Turner Sparks]

Ran the. The pet supply store down the street was like, all. Every time you go in, she's like, I'm gonna tell my husband about you. I'm like, it was Lyle Menendez.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, see? Yeah. And we're like, oh, I'm so scared. Yeah. Yeah. But this, it's. It's crazy. I don't know why. But think about it. Because during. Even back then, think about how many women listen to True Con podcasts now. Women like Love that. Like, they actually get turned on by it. But the moment you fucking stalk them and follow them home, now they're freaked the fuck out. What? I don't understand. I thought you like this shit. I've never. You know me. I hate that. I'm like, you do understand. These are real stories about real serial killers who terrorize real women. And here you are like, I can't get enough. Yeah, they're trying to do it. It's weird. It's strange.

[Turner Sparks]

Is the idea that they want to be like, they. They want to be attacked.

[Phil Duckett]

No, they don't. No, I don't think I want to say that. I don't know. And I think in the sick. I think in a sick way, some of these women, they're like, can you imagine that somebody loves them that much?

[Turner Sparks]

Like, that's.

[Phil Duckett]

You know. I mean, I think that's what it is. Like, the lengths he went through to prove his love. You're like, he's sick. But, you know, I mean, that's what. It has to be some type of mental disorder.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, well, but then, like, every woman has it. I don't think it can be a mental.

[Phil Duckett]

I think it's just A levels to it. I mean, not every woman takes as far as. Not everyone's being attracted to Jeffrey Dahmer, you know? I mean, like, some are.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, okay. But then Stacey is just saying, black guys are in.

[Phil Duckett]

You gotta party off campus more is what I'm gonna go.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, you gotta lean in and.

[Phil Duckett]

Honestly, Stacy, look. Look on your Google Maps, see if There are any HBCUs in your area. Historical black colleges. Go hang out on the yard, baby. I give it six hours. You'll be paying somebody's car note. Don't worry about it.

[Turner Sparks]

Baltimore has one.

[Phil Duckett]

I think Baltimore definitely has. They got Bowie State, they got Morgan State, they got Maryland Eastern Shore. You were in the right area to find black penis. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

You're gonna do great.

[Phil Duckett]

Hey, you're a champion. Play like one.

[C]

Phil, how does. How do black women feel about this, though? All these good black guys getting taken away.

[Phil Duckett]

Joe is so sorry.

[Turner Sparks]

Listen, good black guys. He's talking about guys in prison.

[Phil Duckett]

No, no, but they're not talking about them. But in general, like, the interracial thing, Like, I catch a lot of heat for the interracial shit.

[Turner Sparks]

From who?

[Phil Duckett]

Black women. They're like, y'all just hate to be with sisters. And it's like, not really. I mean, you know, let's talk about this. Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

Do you ever get just. Does black men ever Give you fuck.

[Phil Duckett]

No black men ever. True. It was always black women. Always. Like, there's some who don't. But even, like my closest homegirls, they're like, you love white women, don't you? Like, it's still, like, a thing. Or black women. Even at shows, I'm like, I have a white baby, Mom. They're like another one bites the dust. You know what I mean?

[Turner Sparks]

What do they.

[Phil Duckett]

That's how I feel, though. It's crazy. This when I see white men with fine ass, black women, like, taking all our sisters.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, do you?

[Phil Duckett]

I say it in my head. I don't say it out loud, but I'm like, look at this.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think I've ever been protective of, like, a random white woman that I don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Because I don't like them, but. Yeah, I don't even like the white women I like.

[Turner Sparks]

No, there's. People do, but I get the same.

[Phil Duckett]

You went Asian.

[Turner Sparks]

My wife's Chinese, and I do. The only time I will have, like, white women. Not often, but sometimes. Definitely when I used to live in China, the white women out there did not like it. When you dated a Chinese woman.

[Phil Duckett]

White women in China got married. You were dating Chinese.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

Go back home, Karen.

[Turner Sparks]

Exactly.

[Phil Duckett]

What do you get out of here. What the fuck does that. Yeah. How is that even.

[Turner Sparks]

And it was the same. It was like some type of. Like, you're taking. I don't. I mean, it's just like. Is the word racism? I don't know what the word is. I thought intercultural relationships were supposed to be good.

[Phil Duckett]

They aren't.

[Turner Sparks]

They're like liberal white women who.

[Phil Duckett]

Their problem is. Yeah. I don't know what. You know, I think. I think for y'all, and I think they think it's a fetish. So that's why they.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, but that's just a racist way of saying, I don't like interracial dating.

[Phil Duckett]

Exactly. Isn't it?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, but I like how we're both on the same.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm like, yeah, I know, but. Because you know what? Black women with the women that always have something to say about me being with a white woman, they never say anything about Serena and Williams and her husband or any or even her. Like, any time a black woman's with a white man, they never like, get your money, sis. When I do it, I'm the scum of the earth. So it's like, I don't know what you want.

[Turner Sparks]

I like how Serena Williams needs somebody else's money.

[Phil Duckett]

Right. But he has way more than her. He's a billionaire.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, really?

[Phil Duckett]

Her husband. She married a billionaire.

[Turner Sparks]

I was wondering, because I saw him.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm like, yeah, he's a billionaire.

[Turner Sparks]

He's just like a skinny nerd. That's what it is.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

He has way more money than she does. That's how you know.

[Turner Sparks]

That's when the guy has, like. Is totally out of shape.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Whenever it's like a super in shape woman and just like a slob of a guy, it's like, oh, he's rich.

[Phil Duckett]

He just sees me. Me. Yeah, that's what it is.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, go for it, Stacy. Next up, Frank in Atlanta.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, atl. What up, Frank?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm a black guy who took my wife, who's also black, to a comedy. Good for him.

[Phil Duckett]

Good for him. Is good for him. Is crazy. Good for him.

[Turner Sparks]

Now the black women on my side.

[Phil Duckett]

Way to keep the blood lie pure, Frank.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm a black guy who took my wife, also black, to a comedy show.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh.

[Turner Sparks]

In Manhattan. Okay. So they were, like, on vacation. All the comedians were white. And we didn't laugh at all, even though the rest of the crowd was losing their minds. Are we racist? That's the question. We had the whole flight home.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm gonna say absolutely not. Comedy is subjective. So which you don't find funny and other people do. That's just based off your life experiences and how you view the world. You might not be able to see the humor from that perspective. It has nothing to do with you being racist. What's funny and what's raised that. Now, I don't think what you find funny can make you racist.

[Turner Sparks]

I agree. I also think there's a tendency sometimes in white comedy, I'm gonna call it. No one ever talks about white comedy.

[Phil Duckett]

People are like, oh, it's called comedy.

[Turner Sparks]

The black rooms, the Latino rooms, the Asian rooms, urban rooms.

[Phil Duckett]

What they call black and comedy is.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, but nobody ever talks about white comedy. But white comedy. I call white comedy. Brooklyn comedy. Like a Brooklyn comedy. White. Right? Like the. We're in a basement of a bookstore. And all the jokes. If you're not going to get the punchline. If you haven't seen the newest episode of Deep Space Nine or some, like, nerd show. But then they give the nerd. The whole point is to be an inside thing. It's like. Or the joke or the punchline is like, you had to read the New York Times today to get it. And what they're trying to do is create this world of like, oh, if you don't get it, it's because you're not. You're not smart enough. You didn't see Deep Space Nine. You didn't see Star Trek season four, episode six. Do you know what I'm trying to say?

[Phil Duckett]

I see what you're trying to say, but I don't think that's the answer to what they're saying. I think what they're just really afraid to say that I'm gonna say is most black people don't find white folks funny. And that's just kind of how it goes. I think you gotta be a super funny white dude for black people to like you and think you're funny. We don't take because yalls humor is so much different than y'alls. All that cock and ball fart and humor shit. We just ain't really here for it a lot of times, you know what I mean? You know, it's just sack tapping and all that type of shit.

[Turner Sparks]

What type of tapping?

[Phil Duckett]

Sack tap. You know how white dudes in high school slap you and you scrotum and shit when you walking by. So y'all find that shit hilarious. That'll get you beat the fuck up in a black school.

[Turner Sparks]

Like do you know what I found that doesn't work.

[Phil Duckett]

What?

[Turner Sparks]

When comedians go up and they do some like, some like self deprecating. I'm gay even though they're not.

[Phil Duckett]

I feel like that's mostly white. Kind of like.

[Turner Sparks]

That's what I mean. Oh yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I like myself. I'm going to kill myself if you guys don't laugh.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. And then the crowd and then the. I've seen it with black audience be like, fine, kill yourself.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And what do we care?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. And so.

[Turner Sparks]

And then any of whenever it's like a white guy and he's doing the like so I blew him or something, you know.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh. Whenever they get uncomfortable so they get.

[Turner Sparks]

Super gay and the black cousin.

[Phil Duckett]

Let me tell you something. You want to turn a black crowd's ear off, say some wildly gay shit that ain't really like needed necessary for us to know it's one thing to be gay. We're like, so then I jacked all six of them. They're going to boo you out the fucking room. We ain't here for that shit.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't mind the boos. I liked it because first of all I don't do that material. So I'm happy. I love watching other people get booed by black audiences.

[Phil Duckett]

They don't. Yeah. If you're gay. You can talk about being gay, but you start getting into like graphic detail of how you done such deeds. Black rooms, really even. And the thing is, I'm talking about black rooms where it's gay people. I've been in black rooms where it's a lot of gay people in the audience. And the, and, and the dude on stage was doing those jokes and he was like. And the gay dude was like, that's that gay ass shit. Like, he was gay. He was like, this shit too gay even for my ass. I'm like, you see what I mean?

[Turner Sparks]

He like got up and sashayed out of there.

[Phil Duckett]

It's funny as shit when gay dudes be like, he crossed the line. I'm like, okay, so it's not just me sometimes where I'm like, this is a lot.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, but I know what you mean when the guy. It's just like jerk off material.

[Phil Duckett]

But I don't.

[Turner Sparks]

Honestly, I will say this. I don't think like most audiences are totally down with that, but white audiences don't boo. The boo is what I enjoy, you know, I think some people deserve to be booed.

[Phil Duckett]

Have you ever gotten the key jangle?

[Turner Sparks]

No. Oh, what's the key jangle?

[Phil Duckett]

When you're doing bad, they don't boo because they quit booing. Booing is evolved. A lot of places don't boo. So now you just, if you don't like have you have your keys on the table, you jingle your keys and.

[Turner Sparks]

That means like the entire room is.

[Phil Duckett]

Jingling their car key.

[Turner Sparks]

Has that happened to you?

[Phil Duckett]

Not to me, but I've been in rooms where it's happened to people.

[Turner Sparks]

No.

[Phil Duckett]

And that's always. I laugh. Like when I get nervous, I laugh. So I'm in the back screaming, laughing because I'm so like, I have second hand embarrassment. I'm like, oh, just get off the stage.

[Turner Sparks]

What is the kit? Was the comedian do they just leave?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, they get off the stage, everybody.

[Turner Sparks]

So you don't finish your actual.

[Phil Duckett]

Some, you know, some try. But normally, yeah, it's normally right. Then the host comes on like, yeah, at these black rooms. The host come on like, give me the mic back.

[Turner Sparks]

Sandman sweeps him off.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I've been in those in Atlanta especially. You go to Atlanta. That's where I definitely was at. They had a gong on stage.

[Turner Sparks]

That's so.

[Phil Duckett]

And that was. And I did not get gone. But the dude before me got gong in 30 seconds. Almost puked on the way up to.

[Turner Sparks]

And what happens, like, if the first bit doesn't hit.

[Phil Duckett]

This dude was literally in his intro barely saying they didn't like his voice for 30 seconds. Bong, bong. And the thing what made me so sick is the guy who decides, the.

[Turner Sparks]

Bong guy, or is there, like, the.

[Phil Duckett]

Crowd started jingling their keys? So when enough keys started jingling, that's when you get the gong. So the crowd's telling. If they want to keep hearing you.

[Turner Sparks]

Tell, that has to be the worst.

[Phil Duckett]

Especially when you've only been doing comedy five months. You're like, what am I? What is this?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, you just get bombed. You get gonged every time.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. And so it was just.

[Turner Sparks]

Was there anybody who's like, yeah, for the first four years. Years, it was just gong after gong after gong.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know. I only performed there once. I went to the white rooms after that, after that.

[Turner Sparks]

Because you can bomb in, like, regular rooms or open mics, and you can kind of. You might be like, early in comedy, you're like, the first jokes don't work, and then you might get them by, like, the third or fourth. Yeah, you don't really get them, but for you, you get them. Do you know what I mean?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

But looking back, you bomb the whole time. But you. I got eight people to laugh on that one joke because you see the progress. But if you don't even have a chance to get there, if you're just.

[Phil Duckett]

Getting gone, you can't even work on the bits. You guys. I'm saying, you got to go to go to.

[Turner Sparks]

That's what I'm saying. You don't even get to try out Trial by Fire.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Either it's good or it's not. Yeah. No, so that was. Now I'm with y'all. It doesn't make you racist, Frank. You just got to find what you like. And, you know, like, there are some really funny as white comedians, I find. I mean, like, Bill Burr, for me, is, like, probably one of my favorite comedians. Not just white.

[Turner Sparks]

He talks about. I think I've seen him do, like, kill in front of black crowds.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Turner Sparks]

While talking about black culture, but not in, like, a hack way.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, that's because he's married to a black woman, so he understands how to do it. And he. And he's just talking about his life, so it's not like he's trying too hard. He's talking about black church and shit like that.

[Turner Sparks]

You know, here's my question is, you say that black audiences. Do you say they're tougher or did you say black audience with white? They don't like white a lot of times.

[Phil Duckett]

No. Black artists are tough for any white. Black comic, white, they're tougher.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, but what kind of comedy is it like? Because I think that to me, the type of comedy that doesn't. The white comedian that doesn't work for a black audience is what you said. It's either like the sexual stuff or it's the guy who just stands there and tells one line jokes without energy.

[Phil Duckett]

The dry.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah, the dry thing.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Is it. You gotta give them a show. It's like, hey, we paid for a show, give us a show.

[C]

I think they appreciate authenticity too. So if you're just doing jokey jokes.

[Phil Duckett]

Hacky sack shit, they also know that too. Yeah, they just. Hacky sack, yeah, they want the real. They want the real you. And the thing is, if it is funny and genuine. But yeah, the one liner, the dry is on. Because another thing about black rooms, urban rooms, like when you're in the clubs downtown, you know, they got security, everything. You can't talk during the show, they'll ask you to leave.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

There is no security in the black rooms unless you're full out fighting. But if you're having a conversation at your table, most of the time there's nobody there telling them to shut up. So if they don't find you interesting, the table talk just gets louder and louder as you feel people interest. So you can always tell if you're killing, because in a black room, if you're killing, everybody's locked in, is silent. They're listening everywhere. You say the moment you start not doing well and they think they're funnier than you, they girl. So anyway, and that's the problem. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And you just land on. The problem is I found in. In New York City, a lot of times the audience is funnier than the. Like, every office has somebody who's hilarious. Right, Right. And that doesn't happen all the time. Like, whatever. And if you're in like Indiana or something.

[Phil Duckett]

Right, Correct.

[Turner Sparks]

So a comedian comes through town. That's the funniest thing you've ever seen, right? Because you're used to, like, people being prim and proper and like, how you doing, sir? Hey, nice to see you. But then when you're in an office, when you're. When you're watching a comedy show and you're like, half the people I know in my family are funnier than this person.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

You turn around.

[Phil Duckett]

Exactly. And that's where it gets tough.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, so he's not a racist.

[Phil Duckett]

Only racist.

[Turner Sparks]

Lena in Tampa, Florida. Oh, we were kind of talking about this before. This is interesting though. Lena in Tampa, Florida, she asked like, Phil and Turner. I'm also in a biracial relationship. My husband is white and I'm from India. When people meet me, they always assume my husband is Indian. And they ask questions where it's obvious. They ask questions like, how long have you all lived in America? Who cooks the better Indian food, you or your husband? Stuff like that. How soon into a conversation do you two mention that your spouse is not your race? And how soon should I mention it? I'm going to say immediately.

[Phil Duckett]

You lead with that. My wife's Chinese.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, what's up? My wife's Chinese. Well, if I'm in Chinatown and I'm trying to get this sign. Yes. It's the first thing I say if I'm trying to ingratiate myself to whoever I'm talking to. Of course. Yeah, my wife's Chinese. What's up? How are you?

[Phil Duckett]

Damn.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Turner. Ni hao, baby.

[Phil Duckett]

See, that's how you do it. No, I hide her to the last minute. They make her pop out and blackface.

[Turner Sparks]

It doesn't. But okay. So from my point of view, it makes me more interesting. The worst thing to be in America is like a boring white guy.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, right. It adds some flavor to your.

[Turner Sparks]

I already look like a boring white guy. People think, you know, my wife is Jennifer and we live in the suburbs and I coach my kids soccer team.

[Phil Duckett]

You want them to know? Like hell, nah. We go, we eat pig brain and walk to great walk.

[Turner Sparks]

I eat pig brain. I wash it down with duck's blood soup. Oh, this is my life.

[Phil Duckett]

Gave me chills. That's.

[Turner Sparks]

So I got. I'm trying to make myself more interesting immediately. I feel like you people are interested when you walk in the door.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I don't really.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, you got a nose ring.

[Phil Duckett]

I try to keep church and state separate. If people ask, you know, I'll let them know. Or they see a picture of my kid, you know, I mean, but I normally don't be like, hey, because like I said especially I feel like for me as a black man, there's nothing to be ashamed of. But. But like some of my people, they don't see it as. So if it's like I'm flaunting, I have one like, you know, my girl white. Like, it would come off very like self hatred. Like, like it was like, you just love white. It does. So no, I couldn't just leave with that, like, you know, I got a white woman.

[Turner Sparks]

But what if you're talking to a white person, hey, don't worry. My wife's white. Do you ever say that?

[Phil Duckett]

No. White people are naturally comfortable around me due to my upbringing. So I don't really have to even break the ice normally. Normally, the golf shirts do it.

[Turner Sparks]

It doesn't get you a discount anywhere. Like it Mervyn's or something.

[Phil Duckett]

Mervyn's? What the is Mervyn?

[Turner Sparks]

Macy's.

[Phil Duckett]

I was trying to smell like Merv.

[Turner Sparks]

You didn't have Mervyn's growing up.

[Phil Duckett]

Is that a seafood space for black people? You go to Mervyn.

[Turner Sparks]

Mervyn's is like the Macy's for super.

[Phil Duckett]

White crab legs from Mervyn's.

[Turner Sparks]

I think it went out of business.

[Phil Duckett]

No, I'm like, macy's. Okay. No, no, no discount. But no, I don't. Yeah. I'm trying to think if you're trying to, like. If I'm, like, running my credit, I tell them she's.

[Turner Sparks]

There you go.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that's probably about it.

[Turner Sparks]

But do you ever. But people assume you're white, Your girl's black.

[Phil Duckett]

People are so shocked I even have a girl.

[Turner Sparks]

That's true.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. People are like, yeah. So, no. But then they find out. They're like, no. I can see that.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, well, for Lena and Tampa, my advice, I would do it. Why not do it right away? Yeah. Because. Because I get it.

[Phil Duckett]

Drop subtle hints where you don't, you know. I mean, like, where she don't even, like, you know, he don't like to put salt and pepper on his food. And, you know, I mean, they'd be like, oh, he's not Indian. You know what I mean? Like, you can, like, leave.

[Turner Sparks]

Do you have any more potatoes? My husband's coming.

[Phil Duckett]

Right, Exactly. We have a charcuterie platter today, unsalted. Tom really loves cheese. Like, it's just people to pick up on it. Especially Indian. Oh, yeah. You know what's crazy? I don't see Indians with black people. When you talk interracial like Indians, Kamala.

[Turner Sparks]

Harris is half black, half Indian, isn't she?

[Phil Duckett]

That's what they're saying.

[Turner Sparks]

That's the one. Maybe they should do it more often. You might become the first woman president.

[Phil Duckett]

Maybe. Because I'm like, yeah, they say she is. I mean, I think so. And then she went to a black college. But I'm saying. But think about it. She's the first one in ages.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. It's not a normal combo.

[Phil Duckett]

They don't Because Indians think we're lazy.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that what it is?

[Phil Duckett]

Hell yeah. Them is racist as they do not.

[Turner Sparks]

There's one comedian. What's her name? I forget. There's a New York comedian. She's half Indian, half black.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, Ayanna Dookie.

[Turner Sparks]

Exactly.

[Phil Duckett]

But she's from. She's what? From the Caribbean. And so it's like. It's like dearest island.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, there's Caribbean Indian people.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, speak. Like she's West Caribbean or something. Like, you know, I mean, like.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So she's black, but it's not like American or like African, I guess.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that what it is? Is it? Indian people come over here and buy.

[Phil Duckett]

Up all the Dunkin Donuts.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, come on.

[Phil Duckett]

Low blowfield.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, come on.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, come on. It's so funny.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, and yell at their black employees. Is that what that is?

[Phil Duckett]

I'm sorry, it just came out.

[Turner Sparks]

Natural enemies, almost.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I mean, the thing is they. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Or rivals.

[Phil Duckett]

They kind of don't. Because. Because in our head, we like, they act like they better than us and we look at them like, y'all just as dark as we are. You just got white people hair.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, you know why that's interesting? In England, they call Indian people black. I think Indian people call themselves black. What was the question? Oh, yeah. How does she. How did. When to tell people her husband's white? Yeah. I'm going to say, you know, meet me, I'm right away, I'm going to open book. Especially if it's getting me something for myself.

[Phil Duckett]

If I can gain something from it, of course I would use it.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

But I just don't know of me just walking out, like, saying that. Because that's not her identity. So it's like, I just like my wife. And then if somebody. Then eventually. Because like, who the fuck would it, like, change anything if they knew? That's what I want to know. I don't.

[Turner Sparks]

I think it's only helpful to white people.

[Phil Duckett]

Right.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Because it makes us seem more like, oh, you're. You're one of. Yeah, you're not a racist or something. And then also white, suburban white people find it interesting. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Can she help me cook? Can she come over? Can Woo.

[Phil Duckett]

Cook is crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

That's 100% of the time. Oh, and it always leads to a story. I went to Hong Kong once or something.

[Phil Duckett]

We want to have pad thai night. Like, bitch, I'm Chinese.

[Turner Sparks]

It's always that. Tell her to come over and cook for us. I'm like, what? She's what the fuck?

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, see this privilege of that. See if she'll come cook or I'll pay.

[Turner Sparks]

There's a lot of that.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah, I'm glad it ain't just.

[Turner Sparks]

I will say this. She is a cooking instructor, so it does make sense.

[Phil Duckett]

I would still be offended. Why would you just assume she come cook for you?

[Turner Sparks]

All right, do we have time for one more? And then we have a new segment to close the show with.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

At the very end of this, we're going to. All right, last one. Tony in the air. I'm on a flight from San Francisco to New York City. I love Tony. He emails us.

[Phil Duckett]

He paid the money to email.

[Turner Sparks]

Maybe it's Delta. You get it for free. He's emailing us from the air. I don't know for a fact, but. Or else he paid. Maybe he's rich. Tony in the air. I'm on a flight from S.F. to New York City, one of the longest flights on earth, and I decide to take. I'm just. I decided to take a nap. When I woke up, there were Caucasian toes. So I'm assuming Tony's black. There were Caucasian toes from behind me on my armrest. Now, if I react how I want to react, then I'm the angry black man. How would you diffuse the situation without getting on a no fly list?

[Phil Duckett]

Depends on how bad I need to fly, Tony. I might get on the list because there's just some lines here. Okay. There's just. You got to.

[Turner Sparks]

Have you had this happen before?

[Phil Duckett]

Never. Toes, like, by my.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, I've had it multiple times by my face.

[Phil Duckett]

First of all, I'd probably break one in there.

[Turner Sparks]

The person sitting behind you puts their feet up on your kind of armrest thing. I've had this a number of times.

[Phil Duckett]

I would turn around so quick, I get whiplash. I'd be like, are you out of your fucking mind? And I would look at him just like that. And the thing is, I think a stern black man, when you're looking like, are you out of your fucking mind that way. But if they didn't, I don't know, bro. I would probably.

[Turner Sparks]

100% that would work.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I would probably. Because the thought of getting athletes foot on my elbow or something like that is just like sending chills down my spine. Like, I don't. Yeah, because it's like, who raised you? Like, where the fuck is this acceptable? Even, like home training? Why would you put your feet in somebody's personal space?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm not even 100% sure. Taking your Shoes off on an airplane is.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay, first of all, shut up. I do that every time. But I have socks on and my feet are under the seat, so it's not like.

[Turner Sparks]

I guess the air is circulating, so it's fine. Yeah, I've had this happen multiple times.

[Phil Duckett]

Raw toes, though, is crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

Raw toes is gross. Okay, so that you draw the line. It's socks.

[Phil Duckett]

And the thing is, if it was socks and they started touching me, I would probably elbow them or I would turn around like, hey. But if it was a raw toe, a toenail that touched my skin, I think I'm going on that list.

[Turner Sparks]

You're going on the no Fly list?

[Phil Duckett]

I don't. How long does that last? A year.

[Turner Sparks]

Here's what I do.

[Phil Duckett]

I could.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah. You're out.

[Phil Duckett]

Greyhound.

[Turner Sparks]

You're in and out in a year. It's easy.

[C]

If it's a chicken, she's smoking hot.

[Phil Duckett]

Put the toe in your mouth. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I invade your space as well?

[Turner Sparks]

You just go for it.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, she's already put the toe in your space, so it's like, oh, I thought that was my toe.

[Turner Sparks]

You might as well do the yes and. And just jump in.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

And improv rules suck.

[Phil Duckett]

A big toe is crazy. Let me tell you. You will be getting on that no Fly list and a couple other lists when they land.

[Turner Sparks]

I've had it happen before. I do what you just suggested. I turn around and do the. Excuse me. And it's as tough as I can be, which is not that tough, but it always works. Sorry. Sorry about that.

[Phil Duckett]

I feel like you, like, give him the guns. Like, hey, pal.

[Turner Sparks]

No, no, no. I get upset. I can get mad sometimes.

[Phil Duckett]

The thing is, you're such a nice. Such a nice guy. I feel like when you get mad, it's really mad. I turn, like, really red.

[Turner Sparks]

I do. I flip. Little rage on there that I'm holding down.

[Phil Duckett]

Dad. Garnet.

[Turner Sparks]

Gosh darn it.

[Phil Duckett]

Shucks.

[Turner Sparks]

Here's what I want to say. Fiddlesticks is the idea. Because you know, Tony, he's worried because he's. I don't want to be the angry black man.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay, True. Here's flying, and we don't know what you flying because you flying United. They definitely gonna put your black ass off the flight. So I don't know I.

[Turner Sparks]

Is any. Here's my thing, though. I don't think in the air, I don't think people see black men as the major threat. The major threat is clear. When's the last time a black guy hijacked an airplane.

[Phil Duckett]

Fair. Fair point.

[Turner Sparks]

Right?

[Phil Duckett]

Fair point.

[Turner Sparks]

The one we're all looking out for is the dude in Hamas. That is, though, am I wrong? That's who everyone's looking at. They're not looking out for.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what the black people are looking out for. The white people looking out for anybody that's not white.

[Turner Sparks]

That's not true. I'm telling you, I'm the second dude in a. In a. Full on. Yeah, who? A dude, a Hamas dude jumps in the air and starts yelling. Even if he does, if he has a feet next to him, I would advise him just to let it go.

[Phil Duckett]

So if a Hama. Hamas dude. If one of them motherfuckers puts his yellow toenails on your seat.

[Turner Sparks]

No, then I can do whatever I want. What I'm saying, I'm giving advice to Mr. Hamas here, and I'm saying if he's minding his own business in 23B or 23A and someone, a white woman puts her toes up next to him, he needs to mind his PCs.

[Phil Duckett]

He should just not say anything because.

[Turner Sparks]

The second he raises his voice, he's getting thrown out the side of the airplane, no parachute. Yeah, but I think that the. On the airplane, black people and white people are natural allies.

[Phil Duckett]

This. We have never been natural allies. We're in the air since the history of mankind.

[Turner Sparks]

Do you disagree with me?

[Phil Duckett]

Yes, I do. Because we're always seeing this threat, no matter what. I don't have to be doing shit ever. Literally don't have to be doing shit. And we can just get into a disagreement. I don't know. I've had the cops. I'm like, sir, why are you raising your voice? You're like, I'm not raising my voice. Well, no need to get all aggravated.

[Turner Sparks]

This is on earth I'm talking about.

[Phil Duckett]

They're even more scary when you're 30,000ft in the air. The U.S. marshals, they don't know, so they're going to put you in cuffs just to make sure everybody's.

[Turner Sparks]

You have never had. You've had a U.S. marshal attack.

[Phil Duckett]

You, not me.

[Turner Sparks]

We don't even know who the US Half the time. Aren't they black?

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know where you get your. The. I can't wait for this last section. The last section of this podcast. Today we're gonna. I just want to go down the list.

[Turner Sparks]

What, there. No, there's no black U.S. marshals.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm sure there are somewhere. You've seen the move with Tommy Lee Jones?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, that's my point.

[Phil Duckett]

But no, I don't know.

[Turner Sparks]

So on the list of people who. People are scared to fly with.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay. Scared with. I'm putting any Middle Eastern up there. I'm just gonna be honest with you. They're my top. For me, like, I just always keep a side eye out. That's everyone I look for. Any extra silverware they pull out, make sure it's foldable plastic.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

You know what I mean? But then do you think you're second? Yeah, I think whites would put me second. Like black folks second. But for us black people, I think it's Middle Eastern white people, then. Because, I mean, think white people. Like, a couple of y'all tried to open up the doors lately on these flights on the inside.

[Turner Sparks]

I agree. White people.

[Phil Duckett]

Are. Y'all starting to start to really, really reach them?

[Turner Sparks]

People are losing their minds. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And that's why I'm like. And then they blame it on the shrooms and edibles. I'm like, there are.

[Turner Sparks]

There's a lot of white people getting kicked off flights recently.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. This really. It's a close race right now.

[Turner Sparks]

It's a dead heat.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. We got us a game. So I'm like, yeah, I'll be interested to see if you guys are the next big attackers.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, don't look at your public schools.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, well, that's. Buddy, that's. You guys got that on Monopoly.

[Turner Sparks]

That's all right. That's all.

[Phil Duckett]

School shootings is a white privilege now.

[Turner Sparks]

In a school, we look out for the. Everyone's looking out for the white kid.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Oh, no, the air.

[Turner Sparks]

It's the Middle Eastern. And then on the streets, it's the black guy.

[Phil Duckett]

I think that's a fact. I think that's a fair list of fear. A fear list.

[Turner Sparks]

That's it.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

All right. That's the show.

[Phil Duckett]

Why. Yeah, I like it.

[Turner Sparks]

I think we've solved it.

[Phil Duckett]

We've solved racism now. Don't let Middle Easterners on flights and don't let white children in schools and.

[Turner Sparks]

Don'T let black people walk down the street.

[Phil Duckett]

Boom. I think we got it.

[Turner Sparks]

Mexicans. I don't know what we'll do with them.

[Phil Duckett]

We need the houses.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, all right, Final segment. Oh, we have one last segment now.

[Phil Duckett]

White lies. White lies and dark truths.

[Turner Sparks]

So this is brand new and dark. Truce. This is at the request of my wife specifically, but I think everyone's on board here. The idea being that we. We have a. We need a fact checker on this. Show. We're shooting from the hip. All episode. Every episode. So Joe Russell is here. Producer Joe in the house.

[Phil Duckett]

They have this in right raised back. And we need to know. Helen Keller was a blind mute, deaf.

[Turner Sparks]

Tell us what was a lie? What was effect? What did we get right? What did we get wrong?

[C]

So I really only got one for you guys.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[C]

Phil said that Indian people move here and buy up all the Dunkin Donuts. I looked it up. That is not true. They actually just buy up all the Subway restaurants.

[Turner Sparks]

That is true. The Subway down the street.

[Phil Duckett]

It's a good franchise, isn't it? The same chain, same owner.

[Turner Sparks]

No, you're thinking of Taco Bell, Pizza Hut.

[Phil Duckett]

I think I've seen them both.

[Turner Sparks]

Kfc.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, damn.

[Turner Sparks]

Kfc. Taco Bell Pizza. It's. Wait, Subway. Oh, I know what you mean. Like on the side of the freeway or the highway, there's the split. Isn't like a Togo's something. It's like a Togo's Dunkin. It might be a rival sandwich shop.

[C]

But great job today, guys. There's not that many, you know, on accuracies here, so.

[Turner Sparks]

Pretty good. We nailed it.

[Phil Duckett]

I told you. Hey, what an episode. It was great talking to y'all. Love you motherfuckers out there.

[Turner Sparks]

That's it.

[Phil Duckett]

Peace. You got a question but you're scared to ask. Just drop the boys a message.

[Turner Sparks]

Cause they're up to the task they're rolling the dice they ain't always nice.

[Phil Duckett]

But you can't think twice when giving like you wide in mine Black and white.

[Turner Sparks]

We all need a moment to really breathe. So here's your chance to take a deep breath in. Now give a nice long exhale and.

[Phil Duckett]

Repeat another 10 or so times. This healthy suggestion is brought to you.

[Turner Sparks]

By Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oregon. Together we Health.

[D]

How do you feel when you switch to GEICO and save on your car insurance? It's like going to work on one Thursday morning and thinking to yourself, just one more day until Friday. But then somebody in the elevator says, happy Friday. Then you check your phone quickly and discover today is actually Friday. So, yes, Happy Friday, random stranger in the elevator. Happy Friday indeed. Yep, switching and saving with Geico feels just like that. Get more with Geico.