Lee Valentin: Black History Month Begins!

Summary

Black and White Advice Podcast Episode Summary

Title: Lee Valentin: Black History Month Begins!

Hosts: Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett
Guest: Lee Valentin
Release Date: February 4, 2025

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Introduction and Guest Welcome (00:00 - 01:40)

In the opening moments of the episode, hosts Phil Duckett and Turner Sparks introduce their special guest, Lee Valentin, marking the celebration of Black History Month. Phil humorously remarks on Lee’s unemotional introduction:

Phil Duckett (00:55): "He was like, lee Valentin. And he said it with no emotion. So you know we got a real one in the studio."

The hosts express their excitement about featuring Lee Valentin and setting the tone for a discussion centered around Black History Month.

---

Promoting Patreon and Upcoming Shows (01:40 - 04:24)

Turner and Phil shift focus to their Patreon campaign, aiming to reach their first goal of 250 subscribers to unlock special rewards, such as attending Phil's first punk rock concert and joining him in the mosh pit. They discuss strategies to engage their audience and promote upcoming events:

Turner Sparks (02:09): "Once we hit our first goal, which is 250 bucks a month and Patreon subscribers, we're taking Phil to his first punk rock concert and put me in the mosh pit."

Lee Valentin adds humor with thoughts on crowd surfing:

Lee Valentin (02:15): "You can't be the only brother with brass knuckles."

---

Guest Spotlight: Lee Valentin’s New Business (07:40 - 10:44)

Lee Valentin introduces his new venture, Hammer Nails, a grooming shop tailored exclusively for men. He describes it as a "man cave" where men can enjoy services like manicures and pedicures in a comfortable, stigma-free environment:

Lee Valentin (07:40): "We're barbershop, manicure, pedicure, all guys. Man cave. Guys come in, they get their little drink, they get their own TV with their own Bose headphones, and they get to enjoy the games while they get their service."

The hosts and Lee discuss the predominantly white demographic of the clientele and the importance of creating spaces that challenge traditional gender norms around grooming.

---

Listener Questions Segment (21:47 - 38:23)

After a brief break, the podcast transitions to answering listener-submitted questions, maintaining the comedic and candid tone of the show.

Question 1: Prioritizing Donations to Homeless Individuals by Race (22:06 - 25:55)

Listener: Jackson from Washington Heights asks:

"I'm a 38 year old white guy. I don't usually give money to homeless people on the subway, but if I did, I think I would give money to migrant families first. Then probably black or brown people. And then at the bottom would definitely be white people."

Phil Duckett (22:41): "White people are at the bottom of my totem pole when it comes to homeless money. Because when I see white homelessness, it irritates me because I'm like, what a waste of good skin. You had every opportunity to make something of yourself, and you're out here."

Lee Valentin (23:11): "I would go to the white people first because they have an opportunity to do something with that money."

The discussion highlights the hosts' perspectives on racial dynamics within homelessness, interspersed with satirical humor and exaggerated stereotypes.

Question 2: Social Behavior in Predominantly Black vs. White Bars (30:18 - 33:28)

Listener: Drew from Detroit inquires:

"I'm a huge introvert and wife. I have noticed that when white people go out, they tend to drink their craft beer and only converse with the people they came to the bar with. On the other hand, when I go out with a few friends to a bar that is predominantly black, I notice that everyone is talking to everyone, and people who are strangers get into long conversations. What tips do you have that can help me be more outgoing and relaxed in these situations?"

Phil Duckett (30:27): "Do you bring the white boy? You didn't bring."

Lee Valentin (31:08): "He's definitely the fed."

The hosts humorously suggest that social interactions in predominantly black bars may be influenced by underlying tensions and stereotypes, offering tongue-in-cheek advice on navigating such environments.

Question 3: Racial Bias in Sports Announcing (33:28 - 35:00)

Listener: Mark from Phoenix asks:

"I got a sports question. I'm white. And I've noticed whenever announcers in football call someone a possession receiver or a good route runner, they are talking about a white guy. It doesn't make me mad, but it just is predictable. What are the code words they use for black players? And does that annoy any of you guys?"

Phil Duckett (33:51): "Extremely athletic."

Lee Valentin (34:02): "He's such a lockdown, because he can."

The conversation delves into the nuanced language used by sports announcers, reflecting on how racial biases manifest in commentary and the broader implications for how athletes are perceived and described.

Question 4: Audiobooks vs. Traditional Reading (36:18 - 38:23)

Listener: Charlie from El Paso, Texas, states:

"My friend claims he reads a lot, but it turns out it's all audiobooks. I don't know if you said that on here, not on the air. He goes, I told him that audiobooks don't count as reading. And he said, I'm ableist for saying that. Please settle this for me and my friend, we're both listeners to your show."

Lee Valentin (37:40): "Listening to books. That's not reading."

Phil Duckett (37:46): "So you don't think your brain gets as much workout doing."

The hosts debate the merits of audiobooks versus traditional reading, emphasizing the cognitive differences and maintaining their comedic edge by playfully dismissing audiobooks as less legitimate forms of reading.

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White Lies and Dark Truths: Cultural Stereotypes (38:54 - 41:00)

In the final segment, guest Joe the Muscle Russell contributes to the discussion by addressing cultural stereotypes, particularly the absence of Asian homelessness. He humorously claims:

Joe the Muscle Russell (39:14): "The reason there's no Asian homeless is because they can magically turn soda cans into money."

This leads to a playful exploration of cultural practices, such as the collection of soda cans, and the hosts continue to blend humor with exaggerated stereotypes to critique societal perceptions.

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Conclusion and Final Remarks (41:00 - End)

The episode wraps up with Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett reiterating their Patreon campaign, encouraging listeners to subscribe for exclusive content and shout-outs:

Phil Duckett (41:45): "They ain't always nice, but you can't think twice and give it black and white advice. Black and white advice."

Despite the comedic and often controversial discussions, the hosts aim to blend humor with social commentary, inviting listeners to engage with the show’s content and support their ongoing projects.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Phil Duckett (00:00): "White people are at the bottom of my totem pole when it comes to homeless money."
• Lee Valentin (07:40): "There's no stigma of dudes getting their nails done and stuff like that."
• Phil Duckett (22:41): "When I see white homelessness, it irritates me because I'm like, what a waste of good skin."
• Turner Sparks (23:43): "Happy Black History."
• Lee Valentin (34:02): "He's just so tactical, right? He has a high iq."
• Phil Duckett (37:46): "So you don't think your brain gets as much workout doing."

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Black and White Advice masterfully intertwines humor with provocative discussions on race, social behavior, and cultural stereotypes. Through candid conversations and sharp wit, Turner Sparks, Phil Duckett, and their guest Lee Valentin offer listeners both entertainment and a platform for reflecting on complex societal issues. The inclusion of real-time listener questions adds depth, allowing for a dynamic exploration of perspectives on race and interaction in various contexts.

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Transcript

[Phil Duckett]

White people are at the bottom of my totem pole when it comes to homeless money. Because when I see white homelessness, it irritates me because I'm like, what a waste of good skin. You had every opportunity to make something of yourself, and you're out here.

[Lee Valentin]

I disagree.

[Phil Duckett]

Really?

[Lee Valentin]

I would go to the white people first because they have an opportunity to do something with that money.

[Phil Duckett]

Have you ever had a question you want to ask the opposite race but you were too nervous to ask?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

And this is black and white advice.

[Phil Duckett]

But we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones.

[Lee Valentin]

This is black.

[Turner Sparks]

Black and white advice.

[Phil Duckett]

They're rolling the dice. They ain't always nice, but you can't think twice and give it black and white advice. Black and white.

[Turner Sparks]

All right. Welcome to the show. I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

Feel duck it.

[Lee Valentin]

I'm Lee Valentin.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, that's our guest. Usually they don't just pop in on their own.

[Phil Duckett]

He was like, lee Valentin. And he said it with no emotion. So you know we got a real one in the studio.

[Turner Sparks]

Happy Black History Month.

[Phil Duckett]

You already know. You see the shine we had. This is our first brother. And I had to get a brother on here for the Black History Month.

[Lee Valentin]

I'm the first. Oh, my. I appreciate that.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Do you know, have you let any other black people in your house?

[Turner Sparks]

What about not feed my boob? He was close.

[Lee Valentin]

I'm not. You know what?

[Phil Duckett]

Stop bringing him on the show today.

[Turner Sparks]

We got Lee Valentine. We got your black and white advice, questions and answers. We got Joe the Muscle Russell on the ones and twos.

[Phil Duckett]

There he go, behind the glass.

[Turner Sparks]

White lies and dark truths coming up later in the show. But before all that, everybody, Patreon. Our Patreon's blowing up, guys.

[Phil Duckett]

We're doing numbers. I mean, very early on. First month, in two months. Well, this is the start of the second month.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes, Start of the second month. We're more than halfway to our first goal. If we. Once we hit our first goal, which is 250 bucks a month and Patreon subscribers, we're taking Phil to his first punk rock concert and put me in the mosh pit. Getting him in a mosh pit.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm bringing brass knuckles. I'm gonna break somebody's face, and he's gonna stage.

[Lee Valentin]

You can't be the only brother with brass knuckles.

[Phil Duckett]

How would they know? All them white people swinging and shit. I'm just gonna catch one. I'm gonna let out all this shit. I got pent up, you know, my baby mama been on.

[Lee Valentin]

They normally don't film those.

[Phil Duckett]

Be filming for Patreon.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, any Patreon subscriber, you get to watch it.

[Phil Duckett]

You going to see me walk through the crowd like Bernie Mack in Hill State, Just slapping the.

[Lee Valentin]

Oh, I kind of like this rock mosh pit.

[Turner Sparks]

We already had. We already so one a band who's like, who's a listen. The whole band listens to our show. OMN out of Northern California already wrote in and they were like, hey, we're coming to new. They're from San Francisco.

[Lee Valentin]

Fire.

[Turner Sparks]

They go, we're coming to New York in March. We want you and Phil to be there.

[Phil Duckett]

Cuz I was going to crowd surf for the first time. I've never crowd. Always. That's a bucket list thing for me really.

[Lee Valentin]

To crowd surf.

[Phil Duckett]

I think that would be fire.

[Lee Valentin]

That's actually pretty fire. I can't do it.

[Phil Duckett]

I was afraid. I'm 240. We can do it. But first of all, white people have strength when it comes to that. Like they can pass. Yeah, I've seen people run full speed.

[Turner Sparks]

One guy holding you, it's like I've crowd surf before. It's like eight people.

[Lee Valentin]

No, you know, that would be. They would look forward to that. Like, oh, dude, you know, I held a black guy out of my the other day. That would be fire.

[Phil Duckett]

But I've been nervous that they're gonna like start to like. Like somebody's gon grab my socket, like stick a finger.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, white people play different.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, y'all sack tap and think everything all that gay.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, but that's friends. You talking about crowd surf. Yeah, they not gonna do that. They only do that when they get close to you. When you got a podcast together, that's when they do it.

[Turner Sparks]

Baby, baby, look, Goosey on the subway.

[Phil Duckett]

I never thought to know, but I knew when I started crowd surfing that has been like one thing I've always saw.

[Lee Valentin]

Oh, that's fine. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I was like, I think that would be like the crate.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, that's pretty.

[Turner Sparks]

It's gonna happen anyway. We can't do when Omnigon's in town. I'm gonna be on the road. So unfortunately we can't do that show. That was in March. Everyone go check them out. But we're gonna find another show. We'll find another punk rock show for.

[Phil Duckett]

Me to go crowd surf for.

[Turner Sparks]

You go crowd surf. If anyone else listens and is in a band and you're coming through town, let us know. We'll make it your show.

[Lee Valentin]

That would be fire. And by the way, I like how Turner was like, I'll be on the road.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Lee Valentin]

I like that. I like that.

[Phil Duckett]

Constantly throws his dates up on this show.

[Lee Valentin]

That's what you're supposed to do. That's just supposed to do.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm like, y'all know where I'll be.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Every single night at the New York Comedy Club. I get one spot every three months at the New York Turner.

[Phil Duckett]

You make way more money than me doing comedy, so count your blessings, dog. I'm just out here piecing it together.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, you're going to Utah.

[Phil Duckett]

That's true.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm going to Utah.

[Lee Valentin]

That's where his demo is. Right.

[Phil Duckett]

First time. And we. And he's excited because we. We had to, like, edit the last episode because I said something about the Amish or Mormons.

[Lee Valentin]

Mormons.

[Turner Sparks]

He said something about the I'm going to the dry bar comedy thing.

[Phil Duckett]

You're.

[Lee Valentin]

You're doing dry bar?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Lee Valentin]

That's fire. Congratulations.

[Turner Sparks]

Thank you very much.

[Lee Valentin]

So, fire, man.

[Turner Sparks]

Thanks, man. So, well, one last thing before we. Well, I don't know why I'm doing more announcements, but black and white [e-mail]. black and whitevice pod gmail.com. i realize I never, on this show give out how to send those things.

[Phil Duckett]

Where did you just go? Because you just skipped it. What happened?

[Turner Sparks]

I don't know. My brain just.

[Phil Duckett]

Black and white advicepod.com. like, did you just have a straight.

[Turner Sparks]

I had it in my notes to say it earlier, and I missed it going.

[Phil Duckett]

You're right.

[Turner Sparks]

That was me. I was freaking out.

[Phil Duckett]

Know what the just happened? You scared me. I'm like. I didn't even smoke yet. I'm like, I thought I was high, and I. I thought I blacked out. You know what it is? I'm joining the club. I'm on dry J. Oh, no.

[Turner Sparks]

Are you.

[Lee Valentin]

Oh, wow. Look at that.

[Phil Duckett]

It's February 4th, but we'll take it. I'm doing dry months. You know what I mean?

[Lee Valentin]

That's fire. Congratulations.

[Phil Duckett]

Thank you, bro. You know, sorry.

[Turner Sparks]

I just freaked out for a second.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, it's all right, guys. I just. I figure I need to stop drinking before I text my baby mama something ill, you know?

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, you don't want to do that.

[Phil Duckett]

Drink. I start coming up scenarios.

[Turner Sparks]

Don't give the judge.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, you don't need any. Yeah, you don't want anything to mess that up.

[Phil Duckett]

This brings me to my next point. Stick with your own people.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

[Phil Duckett]

Out here dirtying up your bloodline for no reason.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, boy.

[Lee Valentin]

You trying to clean up your bloodline, you wind up messing it up even more.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm coming home.

[Lee Valentin]

Bring it in. Bringing Ewok babies into this world, I.

[Phil Duckett]

Need me a woman that can clean some collard greens in the kitchen, Sing and fry some chicken at the same time. I don't want to hear the yap yap about how overwhelmed the you are.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, overwhelmed.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

There's some redneck watchers like I agree with that.

[Phil Duckett]

Speak to your own kind this whole goddamn time. Finally, something I can relate to.

[Turner Sparks]

You and Elon Musk doing the Nazi salute.

[Phil Duckett]

Did you see Elon a couple weeks ago? Due to Elon. I mean, the. The said it was the Roman salute at the Trump's Inaugur.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that what he tried to spin?

[Phil Duckett]

It's a Roman, I said this or the salutifascism, which is what they can't.

[Turner Sparks]

I know what I said.

[Phil Duckett]

Do that in Italy. It's illegal, so it's a crime.

[Lee Valentin]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you can't do it in Germany.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So the fact that you're doing the Roman salute, where do you think it came from? Nazis weren't the first reasons they didn't come up with that. They took it from another culture.

[Turner Sparks]

Wait, the Nazis were also cultural appropriators?

[Phil Duckett]

Of course.

[Turner Sparks]

That's the worst part.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, that's the worst part of being a Nazi is that their cultural appropriation.

[Phil Duckett]

They didn't even come up with this.

[Turner Sparks]

They don't even come up with it. Just when you think they can't get any lower, right?

[Phil Duckett]

You adopted genocide. No. What time we got ready for questions?

[Turner Sparks]

I didn't in a minute. But I want to ask Lee about the new business.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

What's going on? So Lisa, hilarious stand up comedian. Everybody should follow him.

[Lee Valentin]

Thank you, man.

[Turner Sparks]

And then you got a new business going on too.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah. So I'm part of owner of Hammer Nails, Ridgewood grooming shop. For guys, we're barbershop, manicure, pedicure, all guys. Man cave. Guys come in, they get their little drink, they get their own TV with their own Bose headphones, and they get to enjoy the games while they get their service. We have beautiful women servicing them, and it's just a man cave for guys. And it's just a way because no more. We don't want the stigma. There's no more stigma of dudes getting their nails done and stuff like that. So, you know, we, we, we service Them.

[Phil Duckett]

How much do you charge for the champagne room?

[Lee Valentin]

We're not that kind of shop. Yeah, if business gets bad, we might have to say they're servicing, but I.

[Phil Duckett]

Can'T get extra service. That makes sense.

[Turner Sparks]

Keep it.

[Phil Duckett]

Keep it on the books for now.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Have you ever had a manicure pedicure, Phil?

[Phil Duckett]

I get a pedicure every two weeks.

[Turner Sparks]

Seriously?

[Phil Duckett]

I don't ever. I don't really.

[Lee Valentin]

You got to come up.

[Phil Duckett]

So I don't get my.

[Lee Valentin]

You guys got to come up.

[Turner Sparks]

I've never had one in my life.

[Phil Duckett]

You've never had a pedicure?

[Turner Sparks]

Can I ask you something?

[Lee Valentin]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

Do white people come to your place primarily? Really?

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, that's our. That's our demographic.

[Turner Sparks]

Our demographic is amongst white people, not to men.

[Lee Valentin]

Well, a lot of them bite their nails. No, a lot of them bite their nails because they're rock climbers and they just have those fucking claws that just. And they just like.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, fingers that are gigantic.

[Lee Valentin]

But metrosexual men aren't. You know, they're coming all colors or something like that. So. Yeah, we got white.

[Phil Duckett]

I think I'm metro. I just think. I know, like, your feet are your number one priority because without our feet as stand up comedians, we have nothing. How can I be expected to do my job if my dogs is barking?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Lee Valentin]

Wow. Yeah, I thought it was the jokes, but all this time all I had to do is get a pedicure.

[Phil Duckett]

It starts at the bottom.

[Turner Sparks]

George Carlin.

[Lee Valentin]

So you be having chicks at the Lantern. Suck your toes. Is that what she's doing?

[Phil Duckett]

I'm not a fan of my toes because I weave when I get pedicures. You know, many times I've almost like literally roundhouse kick ming. Like when they do the footsteps.

[Lee Valentin]

Let me ask you.

[Phil Duckett]

This I cannot handle.

[Lee Valentin]

Let me ask you this. So when you go. You go to a spot where women are.

[Phil Duckett]

It's all women.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah. Do you feel comfortable not. Not doing the pedicure, but actually other women getting service? Are there other dudes there?

[Phil Duckett]

No, I'm the only one.

[Lee Valentin]

See, that's.

[Phil Duckett]

And I used to, like, be self conscious about when I was a younger gentleman, like 20, my 20s, I thought it was some gay. Then as I got older, like the way I walk on clouds, I talk. I don't give a fuck who they. Nice. So I got my headphones in.

[Lee Valentin]

Okay. Well, that's the thing about. That's what makes Hammer and nail so dope is because there's no. There's only dudes in there. Other dudes Getting there. And there's women doing your feet, but you get to, you know, you get to experience luxury.

[Phil Duckett]

I like that.

[Lee Valentin]

In your own. And you don't have to go there and feel uncomfortable with just other women looking at you. And we already have it where we're the only spot on most blocks. You know what I'm saying? So now you in a spot where there's only women and you. The only spot is kind of like.

[Phil Duckett]

Is.

[Lee Valentin]

Is difficult. Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

They're like, what is you gonna clean up the place, right? I'm like, I'll take the deluxe, please. Extra high on the calfs, man. Yeah, that's my jam.

[Lee Valentin]

That's fine.

[Phil Duckett]

You gotta get.

[Turner Sparks]

You. I gotta get one. No, but I think that's. You gotta come explain the exact reason I never have they put you. First of all, I've never. I never known guys who have been like, hey, let's go get our feet done. Feet.

[Phil Duckett]

But when they say it like that, you sound like a. Hey.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, I mean, no, but I think.

[Lee Valentin]

Have you had a facial, too? You ever had a facial? No. You ever had a face?

[Phil Duckett]

Don't ever call it that for me.

[Lee Valentin]

No. I call it face treatments. You know.

[Phil Duckett]

You ever got the facialist wild?

[Lee Valentin]

Hey, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I just say that? Can I just say this? No and no.

[Lee Valentin]

No.

[Phil Duckett]

Please don't ask me that.

[Lee Valentin]

No, we. We give face treatments too. So.

[Turner Sparks]

No, that's my point. I would go. Like, maybe that's why. Yeah. I never went because it's like, you know, it's in. It's in a nail salon.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, if you're.

[Lee Valentin]

Because I wouldn't. I wouldn't do it either.

[Turner Sparks]

I just haven't thought of it.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, why would I go into it?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, but. But like, the thing is, even though I know me and my boys, we all get pedicures, we've never gone as a unit. Like, you want to go get our toes done? That right there would make me uncomfortable.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay. Yeah, you go.

[Lee Valentin]

So.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lee Valentin]

Just. Hey, man, no Happen to be there.

[Phil Duckett]

At the same time, so be it.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

But don't ever act like we're going to go get our nails.

[Turner Sparks]

It was like when Titanic came out. You went to see what your boys see? You didn't go with your boys.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, you sat. Well, I forgot. You're much older than me. I was.

[Turner Sparks]

You just sat. Cried by yourself in the movie.

[Phil Duckett]

So I didn't. Yeah, I saw.

[Lee Valentin]

Oh, my God.

[Phil Duckett]

So they came out in 97.

[Turner Sparks]

Nice. I would have been 15.

[Lee Valentin]

Wow.

[Phil Duckett]

Turner.

[Lee Valentin]

15 and 97.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Lee Valentin]

God damn.

[Phil Duckett]

24. I was like 2597 being 15 years old. So you were dog. You remember, like you grew up with no phones.

[Turner Sparks]

I didn't have a cell phone till I was one year out of college. 23.

[Phil Duckett]

That is crazy.

[Lee Valentin]

When I was growing up, we had to pay our Bieber bills in the store. You had to go to the store to pay your bill? Like the way people do it now. Like how Mexicans pay their public service and electric bill. We had to go to the store and do it.

[Phil Duckett]

Mexicans do go to the venue. Are you talking about the pawn shop?

[Turner Sparks]

Are you talking about like the Con Edison building?

[Phil Duckett]

They actually do go to the. You know what's craz? Remember seeing that? I was like, why don't they just send it in?

[Turner Sparks]

I never understood when we were renewing my wife's green card, I had to go down to the Con Edison building. It was a three hour line to get to the front of. Because I had to change my name. We had to change our address and put everything on the same. There's hundreds of people in there. I'm like, these all psychos paid in person. They're going down every month.

[Lee Valentin]

Well, that's the problem too, is that they want to make sure that that is paid.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. They don't have. They don't want a paper trail.

[Lee Valentin]

They need to see it. Yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And even the beeper. Then you had to go find a phone.

[Lee Valentin]

Did you pay phones?

[Phil Duckett]

I wanted a beeper so bad as a kid. I remember I was in kindergarten and my mom said only doctors and drug dealers.

[Turner Sparks]

That's what my mom said.

[Phil Duckett]

You're neither.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Same doctors and drug dealers. That's why I couldn't have one.

[Lee Valentin]

I had a Bieber and a cell phone.

[Phil Duckett]

What were you doing?

[Turner Sparks]

Doctor and a drug.

[Lee Valentin]

I was a doctor.

[Turner Sparks]

What were you doing? Street doctor.

[Lee Valentin]

I was a doctor.

[Phil Duckett]

Pharmaceuticals.

[Lee Valentin]

And.

[Phil Duckett]

That'S amazing. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I didn't grow up with any of this stuff. And I remember even when I got my phone, like I was the slowest texter of all time.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

People would text me and I'd be like, I'd be pissed. I got a text because it would take 10 minutes to text back.

[Phil Duckett]

I love getting a text. It was like the clothes and then I got the T9 down. I was moved. I'd be in class with it under the desk.

[Lee Valentin]

Wow.

[Turner Sparks]

In class? Yeah. There was no one.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, you know, of course, before the cell phone. But the best we had was. You remember the TI83 calculators?

[Turner Sparks]

Of course.

[Phil Duckett]

I. I had Mario.

[Turner Sparks]

Drug Wars. You guys have drug game? Yeah.

[Lee Valentin]

Drug wars was such a good game. I had that on my BlackBerry dog. I was.

[Turner Sparks]

That was. That was our version. So nice of having a phone. It was just playing on your calculator.

[Phil Duckett]

Got me through pre calculus, made a.

[Lee Valentin]

C. I was so good at that game.

[Turner Sparks]

Where'd you grow up?

[Lee Valentin]

I grew up in the Bronx and I moved to Jersey. I moved back and forth between Jersey and the Bronx, so I was all.

[Turner Sparks]

During high school and stuff.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah. Okay. So I. I went to high school in Jersey and then as soon as I finished high school, I moved back to the Bronx.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay. Word.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Let me ask you. Do you remember, like, being in the 90s like you said you were? I mean, guess 45. Do you remember when Jordans first came? Like, the retros. Like, everybody's like, feels like to actually go get a pair that.

[Lee Valentin]

They first came back out when Jordan.

[Phil Duckett]

Was like in the 90s when they were released. And he's like, oh, yeah, they was killed.

[Lee Valentin]

I remember. Yes. Those were the best sneakers. Michael Jordan was just like everything to everybody. Like, people wanted to be like, so.

[Phil Duckett]

Were y'all like, literally inside a footlocker to get them, like, back then, like, how did that.

[Lee Valentin]

I don't know. I couldn't afford them.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Lee Valentin]

I grew up and they were only 125.

[Turner Sparks]

Was that it?

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah. They were like a hundred dollars.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I tell you that I grew up in a, like, nobody suburban, relatively wealthy town, but Sacramento wealthy, which is not that wealthy. And the only kid in my school who had Jordans, his parents literally won the lottery.

[Lee Valentin]

Wow.

[Turner Sparks]

And then when they won the lottery, he got Jordans. No one else had them.

[Phil Duckett]

And that's the thing that you said that. Because I remember. I think they were like. Because they. When I remember when they went up to 150 people freaking out, but they were only like 100. That was a crazy amount of money.

[Turner Sparks]

It was compared to the shoes were like 35 bucks.

[Lee Valentin]

Right, right. Yeah. And they used to. East Bay used to have these magazines.

[Phil Duckett]

Magazine. I used to go through the kid in circle.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah. Imma get these. Yeah. Those were goals for. Those are original vision board. Those are black kids vision boards.

[Turner Sparks]

What were the best? What were the best? You guys had best sneakers. You guys had that growing up basketball series.

[Lee Valentin]

I don't even remember. Damn.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, my God. Because. Yeah, my basket. My dad was a college coach, so I always.

[Lee Valentin]

I always wore the team shoes. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I didn't really. The Iversons. The answers were the Best college basketball school.

[Lee Valentin]

Really?

[Phil Duckett]

They were wearing them. They were Reebok school. The Iversons. The answers were probably.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah. I don't even remember what sneakers I had going. I had a pair of J's. I'm sure, but I don't.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, okay.

[Phil Duckett]

I had a pair of Penny Hardaways, too. I loved.

[Turner Sparks]

Those were good.

[Phil Duckett]

Remember the commercial we had?

[Turner Sparks]

The little heart?

[Lee Valentin]

The little Penny.

[Turner Sparks]

Little Penny.

[Lee Valentin]

Chris Rock. Chris Rock did.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Lee Valentin]

Spike Lee than. I think the commercials. No. Yeah, Spike. Spike Lee did the Jordan commercial, which was fire.

[Phil Duckett]

And I think those were $70. And my mom was like, that's all you getting. I think those were, like, 70 bucks.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lee Valentin]

The. The Jordans were.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I tell the Shaqs, you never even heard of these brand ITZ in the Zone Bobby Hurley shoes.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Bobby Hurley.

[Lee Valentin]

Bobby Hurley. Bobby Hurley.

[Phil Duckett]

Hurley had a shoe.

[Lee Valentin]

Did he even make the league?

[Turner Sparks]

He played for the Kings for, like, three weeks, and then he got in a car accident.

[Lee Valentin]

Oh.

[Turner Sparks]

And he was out for now.

[Phil Duckett]

He's a great coach.

[Turner Sparks]

And he came back for, like, six more weeks, and that was it.

[Lee Valentin]

That's the story of every Duke point guard. Like, Jason Williams got into a motorcycle.

[Phil Duckett]

He was supposed to be so cold. He was going to be so cold. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

No, his brother's the coach. He might be a coach, too. His brother's the real good one. Danny Hurley.

[Lee Valentin]

Danny Hurley, yeah. Yeah. He won the chip last year.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Bobby Hurley coached him.

[Turner Sparks]

The shoes were garbage.

[Phil Duckett]

So that was basically, like, how my baller brand shoes at the time. You had, like, the baller brand, like.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they were. They were those. My feet hurt the entire time.

[Phil Duckett]

I would have definitely preferred the Shaqs over that shoe. Of course.

[Lee Valentin]

You know, Patrick Ewan had his own shoe. Yeah. And they were awful. They look like moon boots.

[Phil Duckett]

People still rock them.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah. People lie for the nostalgia, but them shits were awful. Yeah. I don't fuck with Patrick Ewan. That's why I'm glad his shoe sucked.

[Phil Duckett]

How would you not? You're a Knicks fan.

[Lee Valentin]

I'm a Knicks fan, but when I was 11 years old, and I tell this story all the time, when I was 11 years old, I went to a Knicks game and asked him for. For an autograph, and he was like, nah, fuck out of here. Basically, I was a. Yeah, I was 11 at the time. Or maybe. Maybe even younger. I might have been younger, but, yeah. He was like, no, no, that'll do it. That's not my worst encounter, though. My worst encounter was Bo Jackson. That's why I fuck his sneakers, too.

[Phil Duckett]

Bo Jackson was his asshole.

[Lee Valentin]

Bo Jackson. So when I was a kid, we used to. We used to be by the hole playing basketball right next to Yankee Stadium. So every time the Yankees had a game, we would be lined up in the entrance because it came. The parking lot was right near the basketball court, so we would stand on the side. Phil Rizzuto, one of the best people ever used to stand and take pictures and autographs and all that stuff with all the fans. Bo Jackson was coming in and I was in the way. He was like, you better get out of my way before I punch you in the face. I was a kid, what on anything. I love B. Bo Jackson. Yeah. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Wow.

[Lee Valentin]

And entrance. So, yeah, that's crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

What level of. Is it narcissism or what, to be able to say that to a child.

[Phil Duckett]

Right.

[Turner Sparks]

What level of celebrity? Not even celebrity, because there's nice celebrities.

[Lee Valentin]

Yep.

[Turner Sparks]

Just jaded by society. Right.

[Lee Valentin]

So those, those two, those two, those two. I've never forgot that. No, I'll never forget. I'll never forget. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

For those people.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, those people that I still. I wanted Patrick Ewan to succeed, but when he did the finger roll and miss, I was like, that's what you get.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, sounds about right.

[Lee Valentin]

Right.

[Phil Duckett]

That makes sense.

[Turner Sparks]

That's brutal.

[Lee Valentin]

I wish it was white people that did this to me so I could celebrate it in, you know, Black History Month. I could be like, yo, this is why.

[Phil Duckett]

Missed opportunity.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I got a great Kenny Smith story.

[Lee Valentin]

Go ahead.

[Phil Duckett]

Kenny the Jet.

[Turner Sparks]

Kenny the Jet played for the Sacramento Kings when I was a kid. One summer I got to go to his like, week long basketball camp. You know how they have those basketball camps? Four months later, my dad takes me to a game and my dad's friend's like, hey, didn't you go to Kenny Smith basketball camp? They're in warm ups and I'm like, yeah. And he's like, go down, say hi to him. I'm like, no, no, no. He's like, I'll give you $10 if you go say hi to him. So I'm like, okay. So I run down there. As I'm coming down, he's shooting. He looks at me and Kenny Smith from the court and he goes, turner.

[Lee Valentin]

No, Come down here.

[Turner Sparks]

He came over, said hi to my dad, said hi to me.

[Phil Duckett]

I thought you about to have a story like him. You know, I brought you on the court.

[Lee Valentin]

That's fire.

[Turner Sparks]

And then I've been a left rack city, Queens. That's where he's from.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I've been a fan of his.

[Lee Valentin]

One of the greatest point guards, New York City point guards. I mean, he won't say it, but he's one of the greatest. New York City.

[Phil Duckett]

That's before my time. I remember seeing highlights from the Rockets stuff, but my dad went to North Carolina. He said, Phil, Kenny was one of the cold.

[Lee Valentin]

Kenny. He was cold.

[Phil Duckett]

My dad went to Carolina with him. Yeah. Usa. He was like, Phil, that guy.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, yeah. Like, Kenny Anderson probably looked up to him. And Kenny Anderson lived with him.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, he, his. Kenny Smith's family was like, I don't know, whatever. Kenny Anderson was having a tough time. He moved in with his family.

[Lee Valentin]

That's fire.

[Turner Sparks]

Isn't that crazy?

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah. When he was all these kids who point New York City point guards looked up to Kenny Anderson and Kenny Anderson looked up to the people before him. So, yeah, it's a bunch of legends. I will say a good story. Unfortunately, there's a white ballplayer that I have a good story about.

[Turner Sparks]

We can save this part for White History Month. What is it St. Patrick's Day every month?

[Lee Valentin]

That's the 11 months.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, should we get to our black and white advice questions?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I think we got some good ones this week, don't we?

[Turner Sparks]

We got a lot. We'll be right back after the break, everybody with your black and white advice questions and answers. Stick around. Hey, you want to get bonus content, early episodes and have your questions answered on the show?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, then subscribe to our [e-mail] blackandwhiteadvice and subscribe right now.

[Turner Sparks]

Do it and we'll give you a shout out on a future episode.

[Phil Duckett]

And I might call you the N word.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we're back with your black and white advice questions and answers. The first question comes from Jackson in Washington Heights. He says, I'm a 38 year old white guy. I don't usually give money to homeless people on the subway, but if I did, I think I would give money to migrant families first. Then probably black or brown people. And then at the bottom would definitely be white people. People. I'm not including Asians because I don't remember ever seeing an Asian homeless person on the subway. How would you guys rank people?

[Phil Duckett]

I. I like this question Number one, you ain't looking hard enough. You ain't never seen no Asians because there's one right by the Pizza Place on 25th and 6. Shout out, but I'm with you on that one.

[Lee Valentin]

Shout out to The Asian lady on.

[Turner Sparks]

25Th and 6, she's a listener.

[Phil Duckett]

But I'm with you. White people are at the bottom of my totem pole when it comes to home homeless money. Because when I see white homelessness, it. It irritates me because I'm like, what a waste of good skin. You had every opportunity to make something of yourself, and you're out here.

[Lee Valentin]

I disagree.

[Phil Duckett]

You really.

[Lee Valentin]

I would go to the white people first because they have an opportunity to do something with that money.

[Phil Duckett]

You think they got a bad.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, they. They can flip that. They can make a comeback.

[Turner Sparks]

You.

[Lee Valentin]

That's a good story. Yes, that's going to be a good story. They make it rich and then they come back and be like, I remember you because you was the only brother that gave me money and now I'm gonna hook you up. Yeah, you gotta go white people first.

[Turner Sparks]

You're playing the long game.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, you just.

[Turner Sparks]

I see it as an investment.

[Lee Valentin]

It's. Yeah, it's like investing in bitcoin in the 90s.

[Turner Sparks]

In the 90s, they didn't even view the Internet yet. You're already a bitcoin, so you ain't.

[Phil Duckett]

Even investing in your own community.

[Lee Valentin]

Scared. Money don't make money.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, my God. That's crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

Happy black history.

[Phil Duckett]

Give the money to the white, Give.

[Turner Sparks]

It to the white, they'll give it back. Can I tell you that? I know, I agree. I would give it to white people last. But I've noticed black people on the subway give. Are the usually the only ones who give to white people.

[Phil Duckett]

Really?

[Turner Sparks]

At least in this neighbor. I'm in Brooklyn. You will not see a white person in Brooklyn give money to another white person on a subway.

[Lee Valentin]

You know, I wouldn't give money to a white person because there's no entertainment after you give the money.

[Phil Duckett]

They don't work for it. They're not going to.

[Lee Valentin]

They're not going to do anything for it.

[Phil Duckett]

Black people, they going to give you the show.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, yeah. They going to say something funny or they gonna dance or they gonna sing a tune and they gonna. You know that's why we do comedy, right?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

There's not a lot of white homeless people, like, swinging from the. You know what I mean?

[Phil Duckett]

I've never seen one. I've never seen on the subway.

[Lee Valentin]

But if you. If you invest in their future, maybe they'll fucking take some dance club, be able to afford some dance classes.

[Turner Sparks]

I would pay for that.

[Phil Duckett]

A white to see a white showtime.

[Lee Valentin]

Dancing showtime.

[Turner Sparks]

It's not unusual to be doing ballroom dancing.

[Phil Duckett]

O.

[Lee Valentin]

Doing the waltz on the subway. Square dancing.

[Phil Duckett]

No, I think that's why I've been.

[Turner Sparks]

Doing it a long time.

[Phil Duckett]

I think that's like. If I saw a white dude. Yeah. I mean, I could see black people giving. I don't. I don't know. I can see how you making me feel good. Like, if it's just I saw a white dude, like, really struggling, and I, like, flip a quarter to him. Like, don't spend all the money.

[Turner Sparks]

Throw it on the ground.

[Lee Valentin]

Hold on to that.

[Phil Duckett]

That would be so cold blooded. I think I'd only do that during February. Only during February. That'd be my black history mom, like, yeah, pick it up.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm telling you. I'm not even kidding. The only people I see black people give money to white people on subways. No one else does. I think that there might have. That might be something to do with.

[Phil Duckett]

Interesting as a. I might just want to hold a box of chicken from like, what are you.

[Lee Valentin]

Oh, my God.

[Phil Duckett]

What are you willing to do?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm definitely migrants number one. Like the. The migrant with the. With the kid. With people, you can tell they just got here. You know what I mean?

[Phil Duckett]

I always give money.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, but they're not little migrant kids with candy.

[Phil Duckett]

I feel so bad for them.

[Lee Valentin]

I ain't giving. They ain't that many basketball teens in the world.

[Turner Sparks]

No, no, no, no.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm talking about the little Spanish boys. 4 year olds with a whole candy tray. I just literally, I'll throw him like three.

[Lee Valentin]

They working. They working, though. You're not gonna see a migrant family. That's not work. They hustling. They making churros or some like that they making.

[Phil Duckett]

Have y'all ever tried one of them churros down there? I've been afraid because I don't know what their house looked like. I just assume it's roaches. Like, where are y'all doing the dough outside?

[Lee Valentin]

What you mean they don't even have their homeless dog? They do it on a cart. Different controls on the cart.

[Phil Duckett]

I' tried one, but I'm like, I know their house got me.

[Turner Sparks]

Wait, you mean in general, you never tried churro?

[Phil Duckett]

No, I'm talking about the ones that they sell in the subways, like the ladies.

[Turner Sparks]

I haven't. Not yet.

[Phil Duckett]

You've been here 13 years. What are you talking about? Not yet?

[Lee Valentin]

No, this is. This got to be like a churro factory that supplies all of the people. I don't think they're doing themselves. There's one dude that came early and he started A churro factory.

[Phil Duckett]

They got a bakery somewhere.

[Lee Valentin]

Distribution.

[Phil Duckett]

Every morning they get their bag of churros.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

All the newspaper factory, but with churros, Right, Exactly. That's fire.

[Turner Sparks]

If there was a really good churro lady, I think she. You would sell that. She'd be like a rich person in New York City. Do you know what I mean? If there's one that tasted better homemade.

[Lee Valentin]

How would they all taste? The same.

[Phil Duckett]

Really?

[Lee Valentin]

They all taste the same. It's coming from the same factory.

[Phil Duckett]

What are those things that they'd be selling in the bags that they look like, like wheels. You know what I'm talking about? Are those Funyuns?

[Lee Valentin]

I don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

You know what I'm talking about the little circle joints that look like, like rims.

[Turner Sparks]

I think they're like, is that pork rinds?

[Phil Duckett]

Those aren't pork rinds, cuz I love pork. What do you do?

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

I'm going to find out for you.

[Phil Duckett]

Guys, cuz I think.

[Lee Valentin]

I think what you going to do, you going to go to 42nd street in Grand Central.

[Turner Sparks]

White lies and dark truth. Okay, so if you're lying about anything.

[Lee Valentin]

All right. All right.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I've always wondered what those words, I was too afraid to try them, but they're like, yeah, they're like, yeah.

[Lee Valentin]

I wouldn't buy anything off those cards ever.

[Phil Duckett]

You're not supporting this?

[Lee Valentin]

Nah, I'm not doing that. I'm not buying that.

[Phil Duckett]

It does look like a quick triple Ebola for children.

[Lee Valentin]

It's like, it's like I would give them money, but I wouldn't want the product. It's like giving a stripper a dollar so she can go away. You know what I'm saying? Like, here, take this and don't come back.

[Phil Duckett]

I have tried the fruit.

[Lee Valentin]

You have?

[Phil Duckett]

Starving one time.

[Turner Sparks]

That's crazier than the churros.

[Lee Valentin]

That's wild. Be a wild boy.

[Turner Sparks]

Loose fruit on the subway in the.

[Phil Duckett]

Cup and they got the Tajin on them with the red sauce. And I was like. I was a visitor. I was a tourist. I had just moved here. I was like, that fruit looks really good. And I was starving.

[Turner Sparks]

Are you trying to coated?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, it was dry as.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, because it's been sitting there for six weeks. Nobody. Nobody's been buying that shit for six weeks.

[Turner Sparks]

Living in the wild in the subway system.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I didn't know I was new here. I was new here and I was so hungry. I was so hungry. It was like, it's mango. How bad could it be?

[Lee Valentin]

Nah, that. That bag has got to be vacuum sealed. Let me try this.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, that's a. That's a rule of thumb in the subway. If it's not vacuum sealed, then.

[Turner Sparks]

Exactly.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't. Just don't buy anything in the subway.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay, so as we answered his question.

[Turner Sparks]

We did. Next question. This one is from Drew in Detroit. He says Drew's. I was gonna say he's a Patreon subscriber. He hasn't subscribed yet. Subscribe, Drew.

[Lee Valentin]

Subscribe Drew.

[Turner Sparks]

Questions. Yeah, he writes questions in all the time.

[Lee Valentin]

Do they put their address on there?

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, I know this guy.

[Lee Valentin]

Oh, okay.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, Drew, you cheap son of a. Stop ants. We're not gonna answer any more questions, so you subscribe.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, skip that one for this week.

[Lee Valentin]

No, no, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. I want to hear one more.

[Phil Duckett]

This is Lee saying bout just.

[Lee Valentin]

I want to do this so you can subscribe. Dog.

[Turner Sparks]

Give us your money.

[Lee Valentin]

Subscribe before we come out to Detroit.

[Turner Sparks]

There we go. We're coming.

[Lee Valentin]

We going. He going to do crowd surfing, and we going to. You up, Drew.

[Turner Sparks]

What if this is how we get our pay?

[Phil Duckett]

Just bullying them. You just can knock on the door, like, where's at 20?

[Turner Sparks]

We have time on our hands. We will go door to door.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, Word.

[Turner Sparks]

Until we hit our goals.

[Lee Valentin]

We'll book some shows out there too, while we're at it.

[Turner Sparks]

Most aggressive Girl scout cookie.

[Lee Valentin]

That would be a. That's a funny sketch. That's a funny.

[Turner Sparks]

My Patreon.

[Lee Valentin]

That's a funny ass sketch.

[Phil Duckett]

Got different tiers. Tier 1, Tier 2, Tier 3. Which one you gonna be?

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, exactly.

[Turner Sparks]

We can do this the easy way.

[Lee Valentin]

We can. We can do it the hard way.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I like that.

[Turner Sparks]

All right. Drew in Detroit. He says I'm a huge introvert and wife. I have noticed that when white people go out, they tend to drink their craft beer and only converse with the people they came to the bar with. On the other hand, when I go out with a few friends to a bar that is predominantly black, I notice that everyone is talking to everyone, and people who are strangers get into long conversations. What tips do you have that can help me be more outgoing and relaxed in these situations? Wait, first of all, is any of that true?

[Phil Duckett]

I didn't think so. I was like, matter of fact, no. We definitely don't just walk up and talk to random groups of black people in a bar.

[Lee Valentin]

Nah, we don't. We don't, but we.

[Phil Duckett]

We.

[Lee Valentin]

If. If we in a black Bar and there's white people. You want to know how they got there?

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, we're talking amongst ourselves. Did you bring the white boy?

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, exactly.

[Phil Duckett]

You didn't bring. Okay, so he's a cop.

[Turner Sparks]

Right?

[Lee Valentin]

Right.

[Turner Sparks]

He's.

[Lee Valentin]

He's definitely the fed.

[Phil Duckett]

Hell yeah. So he's not what you neither.

[Lee Valentin]

Which one of you holding something there could get us a chance?

[Phil Duckett]

He's like, what's up, Jamal? You got any reefer? Fuck no. Fuck, look. That's the feds. Yeah. No, no.

[Turner Sparks]

So what Drew's experiencing is he thinks people are coming up to him being friendly. Actually, they're just.

[Phil Duckett]

They're all talking about why is here.

[Lee Valentin]

Why is Drew there?

[Phil Duckett]

Why is Drew here unaccompanied.

[Lee Valentin]

And he should feel uncomfortable. He should.

[Phil Duckett]

Unaccompanied white male in a black establishment. What has happened?

[Turner Sparks]

So the idea of how does he feel more comfortable? There is no way he should not feel.

[Phil Duckett]

You should buy everybody a shot in that. Break the ice.

[Turner Sparks]

There you go.

[Phil Duckett]

That's one way if you buy. Hey. Hey, man, listen, I'm new. I. I knew it up in here. That's the way you got to do it.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You're a lost white guy. We are a lot more friendly than you walking in comfortable like this show, Right? But people like you, they told me they had chicken wings. Yeah. I walked in here.

[Lee Valentin]

Oh.

[Phil Duckett]

And then I like, oh. He was like, yeah. He was like, so I'm just gonna hang and eat these wings, man. And the baby like, oh, don't say, I got. I heard they got. And they'll be like, yo, I just was looking for some wings. Watch the game and show me here. And then they're like, oh, you ain't never been here before. So either he's gonna make friends or he's gonna get robbed, but either way, they're gonna let.

[Lee Valentin]

He's gonna make friends. Not if Mormons can show up to the hood in. In shirts and ties.

[Phil Duckett]

Jehovah's Witnesses?

[Lee Valentin]

Nah, the Mormons, like, they go to old lady's house and they help them out like that. They come to the hood all the time, do they? And they get on. They're untouched and unfazed.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, we don't play about God now, black people, we know him enough. We want a God speak. That's just a level karma we don't need. So we gonna let you slide. Yeah, you know, the whole tie and the book bag, we're like this.

[Lee Valentin]

So if he's gonna go to a black bar where wear a short sleeve collared Shirt and a tie in Detroit.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Dress up like a Mormon.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Brother Drew, have you heard about Jehovah?

[Lee Valentin]

Hey, Jamal, wait.

[Turner Sparks]

So people, because they go on Mormons, go on missions. I grew up with a lot of Mormons, but they usually their mission is like, they go for two years to Peru and try to convert people to Mormonism.

[Lee Valentin]

Right. But they got to get their start. It's like open mics. The hood is their open mic.

[Phil Duckett]

The hood is their open mic. And once you body the hood, they're.

[Lee Valentin]

Like, go to Peru.

[Phil Duckett]

First he's ready for the jungle. Now the real jungle.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I like that.

[Turner Sparks]

Next question. This is Mark in Phoenix. He goes, I got a sports question. I'm white. And I've noticed whenever announcers in football call someone a possession receiver or a good route runner, they are talking about a white guy.

[Lee Valentin]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

He says it's sort of annoying. It doesn't make me mad, but it just is predictable. What are the code words they use for black players? And does that annoy any of you guys?

[Phil Duckett]

Extremely athletic.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. He's a monster.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah. Yeah. I hate when they be like, that monkey runs fast.

[Phil Duckett]

That is the fastest baboon we've ever seen.

[Lee Valentin]

I hate that.

[Phil Duckett]

No, yeah, we're. It's always about our athletes. It's never about our mind and how we think the game. It's always, always, wow, what an athlete to be able to get out of that. When it's Josh Allen, it's always.

[Lee Valentin]

He's just so tactical, right? He has a high iq.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's. That is how they. That's how they get you all that.

[Lee Valentin]

But you know what? It could be.

[Phil Duckett]

And.

[Lee Valentin]

And I'm just playing devil's advocate here, it could be that they know that the white guy is not athletic.

[Turner Sparks]

No, it's code for he's slow. Right.

[Lee Valentin]

And they don't want to. They don't want to offend. So they're using. So the code words are actually for the white dudes.

[Phil Duckett]

Really? I actually like that. See, that's.

[Turner Sparks]

I think it's. I mean, it's pretty obvious when you're watching through like a white lens that literally every single white guy they just assume is slow.

[Lee Valentin]

But the problem is, is that they use both terms for Patrick Mahomes. Cuz he's half black and half white.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, they're like the best.

[Lee Valentin]

He's. He's so fast and heady.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I tell you that from this back into this. This question, the last. I think the first time I was like, really aware of this, that. That the. These, like the announcers playing race, you know, was. Do you remember the Syracuse national championship.

[Phil Duckett]

Team with Carmelo Anthony?

[Turner Sparks]

Carmelo Anthony. Jerry McNamara. Hakeem War. Yeah. And they made the biggest deal out of Jerry McNamara's family and the whole town of Scranton, Penn. The scrappy kid from Scranton, pa. Look at him. Oh, he's such a warrior. He's such a lockdown, because he can.

[Phil Duckett]

Play with all black people, try so hard.

[Turner Sparks]

And every time he made a shot, they would cut to the whole town of Scranton. P8, the community center. Like, yay. Meanwhile, like, Carmelo is the MVP of the team. And they're from West Baltimore.

[Phil Duckett]

They're never cutting to Baltimore ever. Because it's expected of him.

[Turner Sparks]

They're never talking about his family. They're not talking about how hard he plays.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah, they didn't talk about his family. I mean, they, they probably did, but it was. It was kind of like he was ra. If you're not raised by a single mom, they won't mention, oh, you had.

[Phil Duckett]

Multiple, like, mentors and shit. No, they want a story. Mom sold, Right? Yeah. Grandma raised it. Dad was a drug dealer, got shot. They're like, damn, we can show them America's Got Talent. Yeah, yeah, exactly. They want. They need a story to exploit.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

If it's too wholesome, it's like, well, this doesn't.

[Lee Valentin]

That's why Bobby Hurley was such a big deal. Like, I. I remember. Yeah. His dad and being the scrappy son of a coach.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Lee Valentin]

And. But St. Anthony's, but when UNLV played them, they were fucking going crazy and, and dunking all over his little ass.

[Turner Sparks]

Stacey Ogman.

[Lee Valentin]

Yes. Stacey Ogman. Larry Johnson. The best basketball team.

[Phil Duckett]

91. When they won the national championship.

[Lee Valentin]

UNLV was the best basketball team ever.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Lee Valentin]

Grant Anthony. Yeah. Yeah. They were cold, dude.

[Turner Sparks]

Because he was like a hard working.

[Lee Valentin]

Yeah. Scrappy from Jersey City.

[Phil Duckett]

Where did he play?

[Lee Valentin]

He played at Jersey City. His dad was a coach in Jersey City.

[Phil Duckett]

Where'd he play college?

[Lee Valentin]

Duke.

[Phil Duckett]

Duke, that's right. Yeah. Oh, I'm singing. Okay, gotcha.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, one more question. We'll do one more. This is from Charlie in El Paso, Texas. He says, my friend claims he reads a lot, but it turns out it's all audio books. Yeah, I. I don't know if you said that on here, not on the air. He goes, I told him that audiobooks don't count as reading. And he said, I'm ableist for saying that. Please settle this for Me and my friend, we're both listeners to your show.

[Lee Valentin]

First of all, I don't know what ableist means, but it's not ready reading. It's not reading.

[Phil Duckett]

You.

[Lee Valentin]

You can't read if you're listening to an audio. Like, I'll. What I'll do sometimes is I'll, like, have the book open and listening to the audiobook, and that's kind of reading.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Right?

[Lee Valentin]

Because it's.

[Turner Sparks]

That's not a bad.

[Lee Valentin]

But I. Listening to books. That's not reading.

[Phil Duckett]

So you don't think your brain gets as much workout doing.

[Lee Valentin]

That's not. That's not reading.

[Turner Sparks]

I mean, it's like saying, I. I agree with you. I think these people who, like, I don't think you should be able to quote something from a podcast. Except ours. But every other podcast I learned, and then you heard it on it, like Joe Rogan or something. You didn't learn, right?

[Phil Duckett]

They don't have Joe fact checking on there.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

It's all lies.

[Turner Sparks]

It's only. Except for this show.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, right.

[Lee Valentin]

It's the only one that does fact check it. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Lee Valentin]

All the more reason to subscribe to the Patreon.

[Phil Duckett]

Even after Zuckerberg said he was done with doing fact checking, we were like, we're gonna keep it going.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes. Yeah, exactly.

[Lee Valentin]

So, no, it's not. It's not reading. You're not really reading, dog. Pick up a book. Stop being a.

[Turner Sparks]

There you go. I think that's it.

[Phil Duckett]

That's it. That's what we end on.

[Turner Sparks]

That's it. And now the last thing we got to get to. By the way, ableist means that. I think he means that it's if you force people to read, like blind people can't read. It's the. I had to look up what they were even talking about.

[Lee Valentin]

Oh, I see, I see, I see.

[Turner Sparks]

So blind people have to listen, but if you're not blind. If you're not blind, be a. Yeah, I like that. All right, now, lastly, Joe Muscle Russell. White lies and dark truths. What do we get right? What we get wrong today?

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

All right, well, so you guys are talking about the homeless and the different races of homeless, and one of you said that there's no.

[Turner Sparks]

What a show.

[Lee Valentin]

We had a homeless poll. Dude.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

What if you were talking about how there's no Asian homeless, and I looked it up. The reason there's no Asian homeless is because they can magically turned soda cans into money.

[Lee Valentin]

Oh, boy.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, no.

[Phil Duckett]

So true. They have so many cans and 10 cents a pop, they get a Hotel room.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I tell you something? So I lived. Lee. I lived in China for 12 years. And the old. The old Chinese women over there. I almost said Asian. They are Chinese. If you're in China, the old Chinese women also collect soda cans.

[Phil Duckett]

Even over there.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Lee Valentin]

Oh, so it's a family pastime.

[Turner Sparks]

So it's a family pastime. Not only that, I'm almost positive these are not the children of the Chinese women in China. These are the exact women, the exact grandmas.

[Phil Duckett]

They've expanded their. They just moved to America.

[Turner Sparks]

Their kids maybe went to nyu, and like, mom, you're moving over, you're going to retire, but you can't get it out of your blood.

[Lee Valentin]

Imagine. Imagine going to NYU with a bunch of cans like, all right, this is how we going to pay for your.

[Phil Duckett]

Washington missions, which literally, two tons of aluminum.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm not kidding you. I know people. I know Chinese. Chinese Americans who. They're like, I can't get my mom to stop collecting. Can. I'm like, mom, I make a good living. We don't need to do it. She's like, I like it. I like it.

[Lee Valentin]

That's funny, dude.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Okay, the last thing is, actually, this is an actual fact here. You asked what were those little Mexican chips, right?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, they're.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

They're called Mexican wagon wheels or pinwheels, known as duros de harina. And they are a popular Mexican snack made of puffed wheat, often flavored with chili and lemon. Lemon. I've had one before, and they pretty much taste like communion wafers. Like, it's.

[Lee Valentin]

That kind of taste.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

It's pretty awful.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, but. It's pretty awful.

[Turner Sparks]

But chili lemon, communion wafer sounds good. Sure. I mean, it sounds better than if you think so.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. They didn't look like something I'd buy, but I was just wondering. I didn't know if they were pork rinds or if they were Funyuns.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Yeah, no, don't get them.

[Phil Duckett]

I wouldn't.

[Turner Sparks]

Spicy. Body of Christ.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, that's the sky. Disgusting.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, that's the show, everybody. Except if you're a Patreon subscriber. If you're not, go subscribe right now and hang out for the end of the show. Otherwise, everybody else will see you next week. Stay black, Patreon subscribers. Stick around. This is the show. You're on there.

[Lee Valentin]

Black. That's so funny, dude.

[Phil Duckett]

The task. They're rolling the dice. They ain't always nice, but you can't think twice and give it black and white advice. Black and white advice.

[Lee Valentin]

Taxes was taxing. Now taxes is relaxing. When you file for free I can File for Free Turbo Tax free edition. Roughly 37% of filers qualify.

[Phil Duckett]

Simple form 1040 returns only.

[Lee Valentin]

See if you [e-mail] free I can file for free now this is Taxes. File for free with TurboTax Free Edition and get your maximum refund. No schedules except for earned income tax credit, child tax credit, and student loan interest. See if you [e-mail] free.