Martin Urbano: 100% Tex Mex

Summary

Black and White Advice: Martin Urbano – 100% Tex Mex Episode Release Date: January 14, 2025

---

Guest Introduction: Martin Urbano In Episode 14 of Black and White Advice, hosts Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett welcome comedian Martin Urbano, known for his unique comedic style and energetic performances. Martin shares insights into his latest comedy special, "Apology Comeback Tour," and delves into his experiences performing across various venues and festivals.

---

Martin Urbano’s Comedy Career and "Apology Comeback Tour" Martin begins by discussing his new comedy special, "Apology Comeback Tour," which is available on YouTube. He highlights the challenges and triumphs of developing his distinct comedic voice, characterized by edgy and unconventional material.

Martin Urbano [05:16]: "Thanks for having me."

Turner Sparks [05:26]: "Never been. Yeah. This is my first time."

Martin reflects on his performance at Bonnaroo, reminiscing about the VIP experiences and the camaraderie with other performers. He emphasizes the importance of live events in shaping his comedic approach.

Martin Urbano [08:20]: "I got to do Bonnaroo. I got to do."

---

Performing at Bonnaroo and Other Festivals Martin shares his memorable experiences performing at Bonnaroo, describing the festival atmosphere and the unique challenges of delivering comedy in such a dynamic environment. He recalls interacting with major artists like The Killers, Eminem, and Cheryl Crow, providing a glimpse into the life of a touring comedian.

Martin Urbano [08:20]: "They used to have, like, now they just got rid of it."

He also touches on the evolution of Bonnaroo’s comedy scene, noting the shift from intimate tents to larger venues like Random Barns, which impacted audience engagement.

---

Differences in Comedy Scenes: Austin vs. New York The conversation transitions to the contrasting comedy scenes in Austin and New York. Martin discusses the vibrant and experimental comedy landscape in Austin during his formative years and contrasts it with the more "bro-like" vibe he perceives in contemporary comedy, especially in Brooklyn.

Martin Urbano [11:03]: "Have you been Austin?"

Phil Duckett [12:24]: "The scene in Brooklyn is that the people are too fucking soft. They’re too woke."

Martin elaborates on how different locales demand varying comedic styles and how he's adapted his performances to resonate with diverse audiences.

---

Handling Diverse Audiences and Styles Martin explains his approach to performing for different crowds, sometimes deliberately choosing venues where his unique style might be more appreciated. He shares anecdotes about bombed sets and how they inform his adaptability as a comedian.

Martin Urbano [18:37]: "That's a bit of a part of it. I think that helps me navigate."

Phil and Turner discuss the nuances of performing in regions with varying cultural sensitivities, reflecting on how audience expectations shape comedic delivery.

---

High Payment Venues: The Mothership A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing lucrative opportunities for comedians, specifically referring to "the mothership" – a venue known for high pay rates. Turner and Phil debate the feasibility and ethics of such payment structures.

Phil Duckett [14:18]: "I would never headline. Just book me for my guest spot."

Turner Sparks [15:17]: "What if I have lots of forms?"

The hosts explore the dynamics of high-paying gigs versus traditional bookings, highlighting the evolving landscape of comedy monetization.

---

Anecdotes about Fellow Comedians and Networking The trio shares humorous interactions with other comedians, including Joe Rogan. They recount initial misunderstandings and how relationships within the comedy community often evolve over time.

Phil Duckett [21:14]: "When me and Joe first met, we did not like each other."

Turner Sparks [21:31]: "I saw you one time when you had."

These stories underscore the unpredictable nature of networking in the entertainment industry and the importance of camaraderie.

---

Listener Q&A Segment The episode features a lively Q&A session where listeners submit questions about race and cultural dynamics. Martin, Turner, and Phil address each query with humor and insightful commentary, maintaining the show's commitment to tackling even the "scary" topics.

1. Devin from Atlanta: Balding Styles Devin asks why white men tend to keep hair on the sides when balding, unlike black men who often shave their heads. Phil humorously attributes it to confidence levels and scalp types.

   Phil Duckett [25:11]: "It takes confidence. Something a lot of white people lack."

   Turner counters with the idea of styling influences from white heroes.

   Turner Sparks [25:48]: "All of our heroes, white heroes, have that kind of Friar Tuck haircut."

2. Jennifer from Dallas: Black Men and Kung Fu Movies Jennifer, a white woman married to a black man, wonders why black men love kung fu movies. The hosts attribute this to cultural influences from the 70s and the popularity of figures like Bruce Lee among black communities.

   Martin Urbano [32:00]: "Black exploitation films. Kung Fu was such."

   Discussion touches on generational preferences and the cultural resonance of martial arts in certain communities.

3. Courtney from Germany: American Confidence Courtney observes that Americans discuss issues they might not fully understand and questions the source of their confidence. Phil and Martin debate historical and cultural factors, albeit humorously misrepresenting some historical facts.

   Phil Duckett [39:05]: "Because we're America. And until you dominate the Olympics, Germany, you ain't got nothing to say to us."

   Martin shares personal anecdotes, leading to lighthearted but factually incorrect exchanges about World War II.

---

Fact-Checking Segment: White Lies and Dark Truths In a playful twist, the hosts attempt to fact-check their discussion, revealing humorous inaccuracies and reinforcing the show's comedic nature.

Turner Sparks [42:08]: "World War II wasn't a 30-year war."

Martin Urbano [42:17]: "It was the Great War. Was it World I."

This segment highlights the comedic interplay between factual discourse and entertainment.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Phil Duckett [25:11]: "Because it takes a certain type of scalp to rock a bald head."

• Turner Sparks [25:48]: "All of our heroes, white heroes, have that kind of Friar Tuck haircut."

• Phil Duckett [27:05]: "I keep thinking of, if we're talking heroes, Macho man's going to be a hero before Hulk Hogan."

• Martin Urbano [35:01]: "Never been into it. I have three minutes. They felt bad for me."

• Turner Sparks [42:17]: "World War II wasn't a 30-year war. It was World War I. Was the Great War."

---

Conclusion Episode 14 of Black and White Advice offers a blend of insightful discussions, personal anecdotes, and sharp humor as Martin Urbano joins Turner and Phil to explore the intricacies of comedy across different cultures and audiences. The lively Q&A segment further enriches the episode, providing listeners with a humorous take on complex social topics.

For more engaging content, questions, and exclusive episodes, join the conversation on Patreon at patreon.com/blackandwhiteadvice.

Transcript

[Phil Duckett]

Texas was part of Mexico back in the 60s.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't believe that's true. In the 1960s.

[Martin Urbano]

Few years ago.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, Few years ago.

[Martin Urbano]

And Joe Rogan came and they were like, okay, we'll make it.

[Phil Duckett]

He got them their freedom. Have you ever had a question you wanted to ask the opposite race but you were too nervous to ask?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

And this is black and white advice.

[Phil Duckett]

But we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones.

[Turner Sparks]

This is black and white advice. You've got a question but you're scared to ask. Just drop the boys a message. Cause they're up to the task.

[Phil Duckett]

They're all in the dice.

[Turner Sparks]

They ain't always nice but you can't think twice and give it.

[Phil Duckett]

Black and white.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, everybody. Welcome to the show. I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

The real deal. Feel the thrill.

[Turner Sparks]

What's up? Episode 14. We got a great show today. We got Martin Urbano coming up in just a minute. We got Joe the Muscle Russell on the ones and twos. We got a real microphone this time. Yeah. And we got a new setup in the studio. So hopefully it's cramped in here.

[Phil Duckett]

It's still better than our knees touching the whole 45 minutes.

[Turner Sparks]

I prefer you mean the last two episodes we recorded.

[Phil Duckett]

Every episode, our knees rub. It's like it's very.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, we doubled. It's the same size room, but we doubled the size of the table.

[Phil Duckett]

I think it was smart doing the separate table.

[Turner Sparks]

Here's the lesson. We got to get out of here. Need to get to a real podcast studio. And there's only one way to do it.

[Phil Duckett]

Rome wasn't built in a day. We're already growing to Patreon. We're so close to hitting our first goal. Which terrifies the out of me.

[Turner Sparks]

Cuz if you don't know. Here's the goal for 2. When. When we get to $250 in Patreon subscriptions, I'm taking Phil to his first punk rock concert. We're putting him in the mosh pit. We're going to dress him up punk at. Whatever that means. When I was a young boy. Not emo. Always emo. We're going hardcore. We're going.

[Phil Duckett]

I keep thinking of.

[Turner Sparks]

We're NYC hardcore straight edge D bags.

[Phil Duckett]

That's how I know. I don't know the difference between emo and punk. Like, it's all just thoroughly white to me.

[Turner Sparks]

You're about to know. We are. We're now at $56 in pledges. We started this a week ago or two weeks ago or something. We have four subscribers, four people, 56 bucks. It's pretty good. I want to shout them out. So we got. First of all, who do we have? Tug.

[Phil Duckett]

Tug. The original og.

[Turner Sparks]

The original. The Tugboat. First one is the name of the community right now. If you put in 20 bucks, you get to name the group. They're the Tugboats. We have my dad, Gary Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

What up, Big G?

[Turner Sparks]

G unit. We got Fun Kilo just joined this week.

[Phil Duckett]

Fun Kilo?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, he's pretty good. He's subscribed.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I don't know what you're into now.

[Turner Sparks]

We're talking Phil's language and a new $20 a month there. We got Will Pre, Chuck, and he says he's ready to rename the name of the group.

[Phil Duckett]

Let's rewind that. I don't know what that means. We're talking Phil's language. All right, I. I've smelled coke like four times.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.

[Phil Duckett]

Let's not just put it out there like I'm Pablo. But yeah, I do. I respect the craft, you know, Respect.

[Turner Sparks]

The drug snorting crap.

[Phil Duckett]

I respect the craft, you know.

[Turner Sparks]

Anyway, point is, Will Pre. Chuck's in for 20 and he said he's ready to rename the group. So he had three. He had three suggestions on the name of our fan group. And then Fan club. Fan club. We can call them whatever we want, but these are our top three. Ready? He said he one option. So they're no longer called the Tugboats.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

They can either be speed racers, they can be Rat Beef Rubber Neckers, or Gentry Fires.

[Phil Duckett]

You know which one I'm going for? Because I'm going to be honest, the second one sounded like you was getting real close to saying so I didn't really know the Rough Neck Rubble Neckers. I was like, okay, I think we're going Gentry Fire. Gentry fires is hard. What's up, boy?

[Turner Sparks]

Fire as in F I R E S?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Named after your special.

[Phil Duckett]

Gentry Fires. That is. That's what. That's wordplay, right?

[Turner Sparks]

Should that stay forever again, Will Pre. Chuck.

[Phil Duckett]

Will Pre. Chuck, my boy. What up, Nick?

[Turner Sparks]

Give it to him. Why not?

[Phil Duckett]

I told him if you give you pay 20, I'll call you my. And that's just how that goes.

[Turner Sparks]

Will Preach. All right, so we got the Gentry fries worth the 56 bucks a month, which means we're $194 away from Phil getting in a mosh pit. You going to get out of chair?

[Phil Duckett]

I'm not a steel cage match. I'm going wwe. I'm going to break somebody's face. What are you talking about? First, mosh man. I'm going to try to punch somebody right in the shit.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, now let's get to the show. Oh, wait. And then I'm going to be on the road. Provo, Utah, February 1st. And we're Newport Richie, Florida, February 8th. Stay away from that.

[Phil Duckett]

Got edited out of that last one.

[Turner Sparks]

No, no, we'll do it on the. We'll do it on the Patreon. Bonus content. So I'm going to Provo to shoot a dry bar comedy special. We talked about that last episode. Phil immediately started talking about Mormons. We had to cut it all out of the episode, but we'll talk about it on the Patreon. So for all of our Patreon subscribers, if you join now at the end of this episode, stick around. All right, we have a great guest today, everybody. This guy, he's absolutely hilarious. Performs all over the place. He has a new comedy special out, available right now on YouTube. It's called the Apology Comeback Tour. Martin Urbano, welcome to the show.

[Martin Urbano]

Thanks for having me.

[Phil Duckett]

What's going on, vato?

[Turner Sparks]

How you doing, man?

[Martin Urbano]

Chilling yourself?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. All right. I mean, listen, I'm going to Provo, Utah, so life's good.

[Martin Urbano]

That's exciting. Congrats. Yeah. Never been. Yeah. This is my first time.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I know.

[Turner Sparks]

I've been to the airport. I've, like, you know, Salt Lake City, Utah.

[Phil Duckett]

Let's not do that.

[Turner Sparks]

It's my first time.

[Phil Duckett]

Motherland.

[Turner Sparks]

It's my first.

[Phil Duckett]

You can't say you've been to the airport and say it's your first time.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, well, I've been to Frankfurt airport in Germany, but I wouldn't say I've been to really? Oh, it's where. There you go.

[Phil Duckett]

So that means I've been to Germany.

[Turner Sparks]

Do you say Germany?

[Phil Duckett]

I went to this small, small town in Germany called Sabruken. S, A R S A, A R, B R U, C K E N I believe is spelled, but I'm probably butchering the net.

[Martin Urbano]

What for?

[Phil Duckett]

So back when I was a, I had a sugar mama and she had meetings in Europe, so she flew me out there to her in between her meetings.

[Martin Urbano]

That's awesome.

[Phil Duckett]

That was back in my 2017.

[Martin Urbano]

Wow.

[Phil Duckett]

Which, can you believe that was eight years ago? I was like, yeah, a few years ago. I'm like, that was eight years ago.

[Turner Sparks]

That was 2017.

[Phil Duckett]

That was in 2017.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, I knew you then. I didn't know you were doing that. Well, I was homeless.

[Phil Duckett]

You think? I just thought I was just gonna fucking go to the wayside.

[Turner Sparks]

We were at the Lantern back then.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Where Were you in 2017? Were you here in New York?

[Martin Urbano]

You were, right, I was. I was. That's when I was doing my Kimmel set. That was a highlight and it's just been all, everybody go watch the Kimmel set.

[Turner Sparks]

It's absolutely hilarious. You do. What's it called? You get the paper out. What are those things?

[Martin Urbano]

Mad Libs.

[Turner Sparks]

Mad Libs.

[Martin Urbano]

Ye.

[Turner Sparks]

And the reveal is that you're a sexual predator.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

It's really fantastic.

[Phil Duckett]

Now he's a.

[Martin Urbano]

That was a good year.

[Turner Sparks]

So your whole. Is that still. That's still part of the act, right, that you're. So his character on stage, Phil, is a pedophile, is a registered sex offender. And throughout.

[Phil Duckett]

This is a character. Please.

[Martin Urbano]

You chose the proper term. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I thought that's what they labeled you, but he was like, no, I chose it. I'm going to go check that out.

[Turner Sparks]

And it's also like you. It's a. It's a jolly character. So it's like a happy go lucky pedophile is how I would explain it. Am I. Is that right?

[Martin Urbano]

That's accurate. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

He's like giggling through revealing that he can't go near school zones.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, my. Yeah, I'll have to go check that out.

[Turner Sparks]

You gotta watch it. And you're from. You're from Texas. Austin.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And you're Mexican, not Indian, right? Like, that's the whole.

[Phil Duckett]

Felt racist. Felt racist.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah. Without watching the set, you don't know what it's like.

[Phil Duckett]

You're Mexican, not Indian, Right?

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

In the act, Phil. In the act. You go back and forth.

[Martin Urbano]

Again, out of context. My act sounds insane, but it makes sense. When you watch the piece.

[Phil Duckett]

I am. I'm definitely. No, I'm going to watch it when I'm head at home, cuz now I got to see it. It sounds crazy, guys, but it's all the good fun.

[Turner Sparks]

He's a Mexican, maybe Indian pedophile.

[Martin Urbano]

All right.

[Phil Duckett]

I like that. That's what's up. Do you. When you did the camel show. Correct. Would you would. Did your touring increases that, like, open up a lot of doors for you? Like, did you see that immediately?

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah, that was a big year. I got to do Bonnaroo. I got to do. I did like, I did Bonnaroo. Yeah. Before. Like, I don't know if they do comedy there anymore, but for A while they did. And they used to have, like, a tent. And then it was like, now you're going to perform at Random Barns. And now they just got rid of it. Like, we don't. No one comes to Bonnie. It was fine. But people were just, like, hanging out there. Like, 2:00pm Be like, okay, I kind of want to go party now. But it was so fun because we got to be rock stars, right? Like, they, like, drove us around. We got to go to the vip, hang out, like, backstage, like, at the Killers and stuff. The Killers, Eminem, Cheryl Crow, Slim trading. Yeah, Not.

[Turner Sparks]

Not.

[Martin Urbano]

Not him, but Slim was like, yeah, we going to do a couple oxies at that. That was like the closing night. So I was busy.

[Turner Sparks]

And you guys are in. Are people seated?

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah, it was like, in a barn. People were sitting on the ground. That's like. Like one of the shows.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, like, how they do. Like, there's an open field of standing. I was like, that's gotta be tough for a comedy.

[Martin Urbano]

But I think Adam Devine, Divine Devine, he opened for a band. I forget which band, but that. And he was just kind of like, shouting, and the audience would cheer. You know, it's like, not really stand up at that point.

[Phil Duckett]

Gosh.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay. When I moved here, I remember everyone's credit was Adam Devine's house party.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And me and Joe Schaefer had just moved here, and we've been living out of the country for 12 years. We didn't know what. Who Adam Devine was or what his house party was, but we were hosting all. And everyone told us they wanted, like, how do you want to be brought up? You always ask. And they go, oh, just Adam Devine's house party. And after, like, a month, Schaefer goes, dude, who the. Who the fuck is this guy with the house party? He's like, how famous is this person that their house party is a credit? And we thought it was a TV.

[Phil Duckett]

Show that that would probably throw me off. I wouldn't. Country. But you say Adam Levine or Adam Davine.

[Martin Urbano]

Is it Davine? The workaholics guy?

[Phil Duckett]

Okay. The Four Men. I'm like, he opened for somebody from a room five.

[Turner Sparks]

Wow.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay. He was a funny guy from Workaholics. Okay. I mean, yeah, everybody was in on that, but I don't remember being that many comics on that.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah, they might have been.

[Phil Duckett]

Everyone wants a decent amount, but it wasn't that many.

[Turner Sparks]

It was the club. It was the clubs and colleges of that time. You've seen him at clubs and colleges. You've seen him on Adam Define's House. What was. So you. You started in Austin, right?

[Martin Urbano]

I started in Texas, but I. Yeah, a lot of formative years in Austin. This was, you know, 2013 to 2016, way before any of it. Yeah, there was two is Cap City and Velveeta Room, which is Velveeta Room's smaller one on like 6th street, which is a big party street. Have you been Austin?

[Phil Duckett]

Oh yeah, I've been awesome. I never performed there but it's a fun turn up town.

[Martin Urbano]

But it's a good time. Yeah. You go to 6th Street.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh yeah. Those cowboy boots on them win.

[Turner Sparks]

You got me a spot at Cap City.

[Martin Urbano]

Oh, nice day.

[Turner Sparks]

He has no idea. You got me.

[Martin Urbano]

Who was it? Who was it?

[Turner Sparks]

Wednesday night show and the. The host is a radio DJ in town or something.

[Martin Urbano]

So it was Punch. Might have been Tuesday show.

[Turner Sparks]

Maybe it was Tuesday.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

It was packed.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah. Punch.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Martin Urbano]

Nice.

[Turner Sparks]

It's one of those times you show up in a town for seven minutes and you're like, you feel like you're like, I think I'm okay.

[Martin Urbano]

That was a good show.

[Turner Sparks]

And then you come back to New York and bomb at the Lantern. Right.

[Phil Duckett]

Shade three.

[Turner Sparks]

Do you go back there now and do comedy?

[Martin Urbano]

You know, I taped my special there at Moon Tower.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah, yeah. And that was.

[Turner Sparks]

What's it like?

[Martin Urbano]

Interesting.

[Turner Sparks]

What's the interesting. What's like the Rogan world like now?

[Martin Urbano]

It's a different vibe. It's a different vibe comedically. My weird stuff was a lot more like that's where I like developed it. And then now it feels a little bit more bro y for lack of a better term. So some of the stuff there was a disconnect for sure. Yeah. You know, I'm performing in Brooklyn rooms and now I'm taking it to this Austin and it was kind of. Would you different.

[Phil Duckett]

Would you say that the Austin market is like officially oversaturated now with this? Because I hear a lot of like young comics who aren't getting book. Like, I think I'm moving to Austin. Oh, like you're not funny in New.

[Martin Urbano]

York or Austin, so it really don't matter.

[Phil Duckett]

You can go wherever.

[Martin Urbano]

It's a new option. But I don't know what it's going to be like again. That was like my only experience with it. I hadn't been back in years. Just when you pick my special.

[Turner Sparks]

So my, my impression when I went to go and I was performing Austin was it was like a quirky, creative scene of comedy.

[Martin Urbano]

At that time.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Like, this is 2018 or 17 or something. And it was, like, very experimental, almost like Brooklyn, so.

[Martin Urbano]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes, in a good way. Everybody's unique. Everybody was doing, like, a totally different crazy thing.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And then now to imagine it being like just Joe Rogan clones.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, who's. Everybody's trying to be more racist than the next person. It feels bizarre.

[Martin Urbano]

It was. And then, like, I'm doing, like a character kind of making fun of some of that stuff.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Martin Urbano]

So then people are like, wait, what we don't get, we like what you're doing, but also hate it. I don't know.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. His special is called the Apology Comeback Special. So is this coming back from being a convicted pedophile?

[Martin Urbano]

Like the.

[Phil Duckett]

We got to stop calling my boy a pedophile. Because if they don't, if they're not familiar with him, they're going to be like, why is this guy so proud.

[Turner Sparks]

Of getting familiar with him? He's hilarious.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm just saying I'm speaking for the guests who don't seen it. So when you hear this, there's a lot of like, oh, oh, oh.

[Martin Urbano]

Now you see the problem in marketing. This special.

[Phil Duckett]

Is not actually a pedophile. He just plays 1.

[Turner Sparks]

Listen, NBC.

[Martin Urbano]

Exactly. This is sort of the reverse Crystalia.

[Turner Sparks]

Exactly.

[Phil Duckett]

I like.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

You might have a shot then, buddy. Reverse Chris. That's how you got a picture. Reverse. I play pedophile. Sweetest guy. That's what's up. Okay. Damn.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So, all right, so this is what I want to know now, because I've talked to a couple people who've done the mothership. If I don't know, but never done me. The pay at the mothership is 1500 for 10 minutes.

[Turner Sparks]

I've heard that.

[Martin Urbano]

That's incredible.

[Phil Duckett]

10 minutes. I would never headline. Just book me for my guest spot open come to here three times a week.

[Martin Urbano]

That's amazing.

[Phil Duckett]

They said. They said it actually dropped after co. They.

[Martin Urbano]

I don't know what.

[Phil Duckett]

It's every club.

[Turner Sparks]

I mean, no one. They don't pay you 15 minutes for 10 minutes or 15.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh. Anywhere else but the mothership. Yeah. I mean, and then you start doing 30s and stuff. You're talking four or five grand like that.

[Turner Sparks]

I've heard that.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. So that's how it was. And so they said they've decreased it a little bit. But even if you decreased it by 20%. Boys, what are we talking about? Well, who was.

[Martin Urbano]

I was talking to somebody on the road.

[Phil Duckett]

That's a great life.

[Martin Urbano]

I should have Done my special there.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. I was talking to someone, I forget who. Oh, Tom Rhodes, I think. And he was telling me that he's been around since like the 80s. And he was like, yeah, you used to get, you know, like whatever say to 2500 on in the 80s to headline a weekend. And now you get whatever you get, you know, but so I just like looked and he's like, that's as like someone who can do the time, but you're not famous.

[Phil Duckett]

Right.

[Turner Sparks]

But you're. You can go kill for an hour in a room. So then I just put it into, you know, like inflation, that would be like $7,000 now. That's would be the equivalent what you should be getting now if it stayed just with the price of inflation, that 2500. Yeah. And so then what Rogan's paying is about. Right? Really.

[Phil Duckett]

But that ain't for a weekend. That's for one spot.

[Turner Sparks]

That's for one. No, 1500 for 10 minutes.

[Phil Duckett]

It's one spot.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

25 for a headlining weekend.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

We're not even playing the same ball game. Yeah, playing the same game.

[Turner Sparks]

So I don't know. We were talking about it air. But if our audience knows that Brooklyn and Manhattan are like almost two different worlds of comedy. Phil and I are mostly in Manhattan. You're mostly in Brooklyn. You live in Manhattan, perform over what. How do you feel? Like you go back and forth a lot between the scenes or like, what do you even call them? The scenes, I guess scenes. Right.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah, I like to do both. I just happen to be in Brooklyn a lot more. I just like get booked there because there's a lot more independent shows as opposed to the clubs where you have to kind of go through a booker. Right. Like, and that's the thing that I haven't really done at a lot of these places is go through a proper get past somewhere. But yeah, all the, you know, a lot of comics like me, so they're like, come do my show.

[Phil Duckett]

I felt like you were at New York and then maybe the booker changed because I remember seeing you in New York again.

[Martin Urbano]

Just independent shows. Like, it's just if somebody has one that they want me to be on. I was just there the other day on my friend Andrew and Michael's show. They do Steve Martin Presents. They were doing it for New York Comedy Fest and it was a great show and I loved that room. But I just, I don't know, I should probably ask around and be like, like how do I get an email or whatever. But I just, I don't know.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm shy here in Brooklyn, and I'm sure there's shows happening around me all the time, but it's. It's the same, but the opposite. Like, I could probably just ask people. There's probably three shows on my block probably don't know about.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, like, I'm with him. If somebody, like one of my homies is a producer, a comment that produces, and they're like, yo, come to Brooklyn. Do my. Of course I'm not gonna miss it. But for me to just come to Brooklyn and hang out and find spots, it's never gonna happen. It's too far. And just. If I'm being honest, I don't like Brooklyn shows. I mean. You know what I mean? Like, I just don't really like them if I'll do it. Cause that's my craft and if I'm doing it. But the scene in Brooklyn is that the people are too fucking soft. They're too fucking woke. They're too fucking politically right. I'm gonna talk. How the fuck I wanna talk. If I say this gay ass, then that's what I mean. This gay ass. I don't need you being like, what did you mean by that? I meant he sucks dick. He's a gay ass. N. I don't. It's way too much in Brooklyn for you to walk on eggshells during shows. I feel like it's too hipster to Gen Z. And I've had some really good shows, but I've had some shows in Brooklyn where I'm just like, how did y'all get tricked into coming?

[Turner Sparks]

I've bombed so hard.

[Phil Duckett]

It's easy to bomb in Brooklyn.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, but tested material, but clearly.

[Martin Urbano]

Me too. No, me too. Again, pedophile. Whatever.

[Phil Duckett]

What did we call that is a hard.

[Martin Urbano]

What did we call me? So, like, really, it's like, it does it. Sometimes I. I bomb. I have certain places where I'm like, oh, I'll probably bomb there because the audience just won't get it. Or they'll, like, see red before they can. What jokes I'm actually making.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Martin Urbano]

And that's just kind of a part of it. I think that helps me, like, navigate it a little bit more performing for these people. I'm like, I know you're not getting it, but let's see how much I can win you over. And then I take it to the crowds that are actually, like, hip and smart. Because to me, hip and smart is, like, being able to see past, you know, these, like, you know, sad satirical things. Exactly.

[Turner Sparks]

They get the crowding as a registered sex.

[Martin Urbano]

Exactly. Like, oh, no. But I get it, though. So it's. I don't know, it's. I see a mix.

[Phil Duckett]

They sure are. How do you think they stay out so long?

[Martin Urbano]

The best ones are. But I think maybe that was. I don't know that that is a sense I get in some rooms where I'm like, oh, these people are like, they're not going to like me because they don't want to like me. But a lot of places kind of the same. And a lot of clubs, they don't like me either because I'm being a little bit too weird.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Martin Urbano]

You know, and then that I lose them who are just like, we just want to like, like, hear more, like, down the middle stuff. I'm like, oh, well, I don't have that. So you're not doing like a traditional.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, I. I saw you one time when you had. I hope I'm not giving away your.

[Martin Urbano]

Please.

[Turner Sparks]

Like seven years ago.

[Martin Urbano]

Sure.

[Turner Sparks]

So you.

[Martin Urbano]

I'm sure I'm still doing it.

[Phil Duckett]

That's my favorite.

[Martin Urbano]

That's my. Still my best joke.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm forgetting what you did, but I remember you had. You pretended like you forgot your material or something like that. And then you got out your notes and then you're like, I can't even deliver these tonight. Can someone else in the audience tell my jokes? And then you had someone from the audience get up and they're reading your jokes. And then the jokes they're reading were super racist and offensive. And you started heckling. You're like, canceling them from the audience. But I could see doing that at a club, like a, you know, I don't know where, like a Manhattan club. And even the crowd, the crowd would be into it. I don't know who wouldn't like it.

[Martin Urbano]

Actually, now they say it bit like that requires some setup. Like, it requires a 15 minute minimum long set. Like, because I need them to already like me and get me a check spot. One time I tried to do that at the Houston improv open mic, like, years and years ago, like when I was first starting and they were just not into it. Like, they were just like, what is it? I'm. I have three minutes. I'm trying to like, oh, I forgot my jokes. And like, they felt bad for me.

[Turner Sparks]

Pretending like you're forgetting.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And then they think you're actually forgetting.

[Martin Urbano]

And then I finally like rope. Because I usually, like, get like a woman to come on stage because I think it's. You Know better dichotomy. You know, she's saying my joke so people can't hate her. And a guy comes on to the God mic and he's like, ma'am, you can get off stage. His set's done. Okay. Yeah, okay, that's fair. I learned a lesson. I learned a lesson there.

[Turner Sparks]

Do it at a Houston open mic.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah. Or just.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, Mr. Rano, I'm telling you, your shit might be weird, but you ain't holding a candle to Joe the Muscle Russell over there. By far, one of the weirdest comedians I'd ever met in my. When I first. I would tell the story all the time. When me and Joe first met, we did not like each other. I thought he was weird as, and I didn't understand his comedy. I was like, so you just talk about the food you eat all the time.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, does anyone like chips?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. And I was like, what is this shit? And Joe didn't like me either. And we just grew on each other. When I tell you that's one of my people, I love that motherfucker. But, yeah, we did not start off strong. That's it. And so that's why when you say weird, I'm like, it's levels to it. It's levels to it.

[Turner Sparks]

Thanks. I did New York Comedy Club right before, like, in December, I headlined my show. And you know how they have. When you headline, you do like 45 or an hour, whatever, and then they New York Comic Con wants to put someone after you to do checks. It's like the ultimate death spot. Everyone came to see the headliner, and so I asked Joe to do it. I was like, can you just do a 10 minute check spot? He's like, yeah, sure. And then he's like, wait, I have to go after you at the very end? I'm like, yes, sorry, I'm screwing you. But there's like, whatever stage time. So then he goes up and the first, like, minute people are like, what the F is going on?

[Phil Duckett]

Do you have a favorite food?

[Turner Sparks]

He literally just goes up and he goes, does anyone have a favorite breakfast item?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. And you're seeing. He was like, oh, he's stroking out.

[Turner Sparks]

And also they're paying their checks. And they're like, what?

[Phil Duckett]

Who?

[Turner Sparks]

We just saw the guy we wanted to see. Like, they're trying to leave. Like, no, we saw Turner. Anyway, within like 90 seconds, they start to catch on. And the last eight minutes is just him destroying once you on board and.

[Phil Duckett]

Once you give it a shot. But you got to go in there with an open mind. Yeah, because I really don't want to ruin this bit, but I'm telling you, his San Francisco and boy are my arms gay. I walked. I walked out the first. I said, what in the fuck was.

[Martin Urbano]

I just flew from San Francisco and boy, are my arms.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, there he is.

[Phil Duckett]

And I literally. The first time I said, I literally turned around, said, I'm going to the bar. I'm going to the bar. I don't know what the fuck Joe got going on. That's my dog.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, should we get to our questions?

[Phil Duckett]

Hell yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Listen, so here's the way it works. We got people writing in. I don't know if we told you this, Martin. Listeners write in questions. They need help from a black guy or a white guy guy or a Mexican guy. Is that racist from Texas? I don't know. Is it? Oh, it's good. See, there you go. Can I say it?

[Martin Urbano]

Turn her. Come on, please.

[Phil Duckett]

Let's dial it back a bit.

[Turner Sparks]

Turner, we'll be right back with your black and white advice. Questions.

[Martin Urbano]

Taxes was waiting around for your taxes to be done, which led to worrying about not getting any money back. Now Taxes is matching with a TurboTax expert who can do your taxes in a day to get you up to $4,000 fast with a refund advance loan. Now this is taxes intuit. Turbotax. Get an expert now on Turbotax.com expert filing only available with TurboTax LIFO service. Refund advance has zero dollar loan fees and zero percent APR Refund advance loans may be issued by First Century Bank. NA or Web bank terms apply subject to approval.

[Turner Sparks]

Hello, it is Ryan and I was on a flight the other day playing one of my favorite social spin slot games on chumbacasino.com I looked over the person sitting next to and you know what they were doing. They were also playing Chumba Casino. Everybody's loving having fun with it. Chumba Casino is home to hundreds of casino style games that you can play for free anytime, anywhere. So sign up [e-mail] to claim your free welcome bonus. That's chumbacasino.com and live the Chumba life.

[Phil Duckett]

Sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Turner Sparks]

No purchase necessary VGW Group void where prohibited by law 18/ terms and conditions apply. Hey, you want to get bonus content, early episodes and have your questions answered on the show?

[Phil Duckett]

Well then subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/blackand white advice and subscribe right now.

[Turner Sparks]

Do it and we'll give you a shout out on a future episode.

[Phil Duckett]

And I might call you the N word.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we're back with your black and white advice questions. Question number one comes from. Here we go. Devin in Atlanta. Devin says I'm a black guy and whenever we start to go bald, we always shave our head. My question is why Phil strokes is that. My question is why do white guys always keep the hair on the side instead of shaving the full head when they go bald?

[Phil Duckett]

I'll start. Because it takes a certain type of scalp to rock a bald head. Number two, it takes confidence. Something a lot of white people lack.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think that's true.

[Phil Duckett]

And I think a lot of white people, they don't have the right facial structure. They look like preemie babies when they go bald. So, you know, you got to do what keeps the pussy up.

[Turner Sparks]

Right. I think white guys have extreme confidence evidence. But I. Here's what I think it is. I, I disagree. I think the answer is that all of our heroes, white heroes, have that kind of Friar Tuck haircut. You know, first of all, they have.

[Phil Duckett]

A comb over yalls. Heroes have a Hulk Hogan. Is he a hero of yours?

[Turner Sparks]

Is he not a hero?

[Phil Duckett]

No.

[Martin Urbano]

He became a hero a few years ago for you, right?

[Turner Sparks]

Just recently when Trump was running, he rocked out at the trumpet or whatever that was.

[Phil Duckett]

He's a hero of yours, dude.

[Turner Sparks]

When he, I got to say, I. When he ripped his shirt off at that Republican convention, I almost just stormed the capitol right there.

[Phil Duckett]

Like he went gay on us.

[Turner Sparks]

I almost did. That's pretty cool.

[Phil Duckett]

That's why I'mma tell you, if we're talking heroes, Macho man's going to be a hero before Hulk Hogan.

[Turner Sparks]

Macho man, come on. But I think he was bald too. They all wore those kind of things on their head actually.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, possibly.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, so you got Hogan, you got, you got Larry David.

[Phil Duckett]

You're naming.

[Turner Sparks]

Are these heroes that you're naming John Luke Picard? I've done research, dude.

[Phil Duckett]

Jason sat him. All right. He's a bald headed hero.

[Turner Sparks]

I mean he doesn't have the.

[Phil Duckett]

He saved that girl from the trunk of that car.

[Turner Sparks]

Does he have the hair on the side?

[Phil Duckett]

No, he has a real man scout.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm trying to come up with. I'm trying to answer.

[Phil Duckett]

He asked why.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm giving you the reason why you.

[Phil Duckett]

Think that is because all of our hero, all of yalls heroes do that.

[Turner Sparks]

That's what I'm.

[Phil Duckett]

You're the first person to name those people as heroes.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm like Larry David and John L. Captain John Luke Picard Turner.

[Martin Urbano]

You say confidence. I think it's. That's more entitlement that they have there.

[Phil Duckett]

It is.

[Martin Urbano]

And I think there's a little bit more of a fragility behind that. So it's like I'm gonna hold on dearly. Exactly.

[Turner Sparks]

That's a good point.

[Martin Urbano]

It's like, well, I mean, I deserve everything, but I'm scared to not have this. And what if. Exactly.

[Phil Duckett]

What if they laugh at three strands?

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah. Homer Simpson style. Yeah. You know who should go ball a hero of yours?

[Phil Duckett]

Homer probably wouldn't.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Martin Urbano]

He's a hero.

[Phil Duckett]

Mr. Burns.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Martin Urbano]

All our heroes. Mr. Burns.

[Phil Duckett]

Larry David. Makes sense. You know. Nah. If we're talking most black people, we just. Because when I shaved my head.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I ask you a question?

[Phil Duckett]

Sure.

[Turner Sparks]

Was, did Michael Jordan started. I don't remember any bald black guys before Michael Jordan.

[Phil Duckett]

You know Michael Jordan came to the NBA with hair.

[Turner Sparks]

I know.

[Phil Duckett]

Were you saying once he shaved it.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

When it got cool.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I think that's when it really became like a iconic pop culture thing.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Because people who weren't even going ball shaved because of. Be like Mike. I want to be like Mike.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, sure.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. But I'm gonna just put this in black man. That should shave ball. That won't. Little Wayne, I love you. You are my all time favorite. But them four dreads you got, baby. It's time.

[Turner Sparks]

That's a good list to make. What about LeBron James?

[Phil Duckett]

He should go ball.

[Turner Sparks]

He needs to go ball.

[Phil Duckett]

He got the. He got the. He got the Turkish transplant. And you can see when he sweats, it poofs up in the fro. Well.

[Turner Sparks]

And he has the sweat band.

[Phil Duckett]

Let me tell you something.

[Turner Sparks]

He was putting it higher and higher to block.

[Phil Duckett]

He doesn't wear the sweat band anymore. Butter.

[Turner Sparks]

Does he not?

[Phil Duckett]

No. It's been years since LeBron wears a sweat. A headband. But it's okay. I will help you on this.

[Turner Sparks]

Who am I thinking of?

[Phil Duckett]

You were thinking of LeBron and when he first started going bald, he quit because it was because he got the hair plugs and he couldn't do that because it was rubbing the scalp, so. But no hair plug. Would you get hair plugs?

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think so.

[Phil Duckett]

No, you just. If it started coming out, you just let that rock.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. And I wouldn't shave it. I can't shave. Because he pulled a castanza maybe. Here's the answer. Costanza. That's another hero.

[Phil Duckett]

That is the only hero on that List. That is literally the only person you name that is even close.

[Turner Sparks]

So my ears are too big to shave my head. I would look like a. Just straight up circus elephant.

[Phil Duckett]

I can actually see that now you mention it.

[Turner Sparks]

So I. My dad has my same ears and he still has, like a 1960s Beatles haircut that comes over the ears because he's so self conscious. No, no, no. He has a full head of hair.

[Phil Duckett]

I was like, gee, you got a.

[Turner Sparks]

Great head of hair.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah. I'm not in fear of this at all. And in my culture, we just put on a sombrero.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, there you go.

[Martin Urbano]

Never. No one's ever.

[Turner Sparks]

Time you go to Austin, you'll see all these guys just walking down the street in sombreros.

[Phil Duckett]

Cowboy hats.

[Turner Sparks]

Cowboy hats.

[Martin Urbano]

My grandpa. My grandpa, who was balding, had a cowboy hat. That was my plan.

[Phil Duckett]

I've always wanted to rock a good cow. Like, if I moved back down, like, to that part, like Louisiana, I'd probably rock a cowboy.

[Martin Urbano]

It's a cool look.

[Phil Duckett]

It is such a good look, man. Especially man, like, it's just. And women love it.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

They're like, my God, the confidence.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah. Again, confidence.

[Turner Sparks]

Black guy and a cowboy. Hamburger. It's pretty great.

[Phil Duckett]

What you know about. Okay, Turner. Staying up late to watch Comic view.

[Turner Sparks]

Another hero.

[Phil Duckett]

That's a real hero.

[Turner Sparks]

That's a real. I hear he still kills.

[Phil Duckett]

The undisputed champ. I was just with him at that game with your boy Paul. That celebrity basketball guy.

[Turner Sparks]

Paul Hamburger played in the game.

[Phil Duckett]

Hamburger was one of the coaches.

[Turner Sparks]

So New York Comedy Club, during the New York Comic Festival, had a basketball game.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And Hamburger was one of the coaches.

[Turner Sparks]

Was he drawn out X's and O's and.

[Phil Duckett]

No, I went up to him.

[Turner Sparks]

Was he saying? He's like, all right, you go left.

[Phil Duckett]

Hamburger.

[Turner Sparks]

He was up to me.

[Phil Duckett]

He's like, hey, man. He's like, hey, man, you a comedian. Hurtful. But I was like, yeah, man. He was like. He was like, yo, what's your number? He's like, I do. I still produce shows in Jers. I'd love to get you on. I said, hamburger.

[Turner Sparks]

I was walking down the street, Hamburger.

[Martin Urbano]

Would you say he was doing a good job?

[Turner Sparks]

Like, coaching? No.

[Phil Duckett]

He had no idea what was going on.

[Martin Urbano]

So. So you don't think he was like a Hamburger helper.

[Phil Duckett]

And this is what you get from Joe the Muscle Russell. It's always going to go back to food. And so he would just. He wasn't Hamburger.

[Turner Sparks]

Get to that joke.

[Martin Urbano]

Jesus.

[Phil Duckett]

He had to set me up.

[Turner Sparks]

All the way around the city.

[Martin Urbano]

Joe, were you sitting on that or did you think of it and then say it? I'm so curious. I. I thought about 30 seconds before I said the perfect amount of time.

[Phil Duckett]

It was the perfect amount. He was like, how can I incorporate hamburger?

[Turner Sparks]

Next question. All right, Jennifer in Dallas, she says, I'm white and my husband is black. When we started dating.

[Phil Duckett]

Dallas, texting with a black husband. That thing is poking.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey. When we started dating, I was blown away at how much he and all his friends like old kung fu movies. My question is, why do black guys love kung fu movies?

[Phil Duckett]

It was an error. It was an error. It was. I. It was just an era, like. And that's every black person from a certain generation. Like, I missed that era. My uncle and all my big cousins and stuff. They all dole in my.

[Turner Sparks]

All those.

[Phil Duckett]

What are they called?

[Turner Sparks]

Black exploitation.

[Phil Duckett]

Black exploitation films. Kung Fu was such. Because Bruce Lee was so big and so all the black kids growing up used to watch Bruce Lee every Saturday. So. But they used to do that. And so the moo, as they got older, started making movies. They wanted. Wanted to be able to fight and make it black. But Kung Fu, because just like. And that's just like, it's a. It's a. It's a error thing. Like a time error thing. Because my father's generation. My dad's big. He watches. John Wayne is his favorite. He watches all the westerns. Yeah, that was their generation Western. But you get to that people who were born late 60s, around that time. Gen X. Yeah, mid-60s, late 60s. This when they were like teenagers. Kids in the 70s. All kung fu is so big in their lives. It's unbelievable. I know. Like, that's not just him. I mean, that's. That's a. That's a time thing, you know?

[Martin Urbano]

I mean, what about anime? Does that hit you?

[Phil Duckett]

That's our kung fu for all. I hate. I don't watch the. But I know people who go, we were talking about that last episode. Like, you. I had never felt more like a loser than going to a comedy club green room with a bunch of anime watchers. They're like, did you see One Piece? I was like, she was wearing a one Piece. They're like, nah, it's this cartoon. I'm like, get some. But is that only.

[Turner Sparks]

We're saying the green rooms on the road. It's all like anime talk. And then it's big food. Food. Big fat guys with beards talking about food. Like, bro, I just had this great lunch.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. It's normally somewhere in, like, Ohio or Indianapolis.

[Martin Urbano]

And migraine rooms is just jerking off. I don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, it's all about who you surround yourself with, you know?

[Turner Sparks]

But how did it go? Because I don't know anyone who watched Kung Fu. It just was. It didn't hit my neighborhood.

[Phil Duckett]

Do you know older black people in the white neighborhood that had nobody?

[Turner Sparks]

No, but that's my question. Why didn't it. It came from Asia straight.

[Phil Duckett]

Just because y'all normally do the whooping. So that's why. Probably y'all weren't into it.

[Turner Sparks]

It's like, no people were into Bruce Lee, but I feel like it just ended at Bruce Lee.

[Phil Duckett]

White people watch Bruce Lee are like, I'll never be athletic enough to do a roundhouse. Black people's like, nigga, I can do that right now.

[Martin Urbano]

Why did I think that's his way? That's good.

[Phil Duckett]

I can do a backflip round off handspring, front flip. And they're like, do it.

[Turner Sparks]

Honestly, I think that's the answer. It didn't resonate because I didn't think, like, it's like me watching someone do a triple salchow in figure skating. I'm like, I got. That's cool. But I got to move on with my day.

[Phil Duckett]

White dudes watching YouTube videos.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, your skate.

[Phil Duckett]

Y'all will watch LeBron James dunk compilation. But you're like, wow, what an athlete. Black people watch that. Like, I think I can do that back dunk. You know? I mean, like.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, so no, I was like, I could do that on a mini hoop.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, that's what you thought? Yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Let me go put it on. On the door. My bedroom.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. There was so much dunking going on in the 1950s NBA. All right, listen, we. No white person see somebody dunk. Like, I could probably do that.

[Turner Sparks]

No, I'm saying I could do it on my mini hoop.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, you talking about your little stress relief? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

Every kid's like, there's no thought I could ever do it on a 10.

[Phil Duckett]

Foot hoop, but every kid. But once you get to a certain age, reality, like, I don't think I could.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, no, I can never dunk.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, we. We're 26, watching kung fu. Like, now I can do that.

[Turner Sparks]

Have you dunked?

[Phil Duckett]

Once in my life.

[Turner Sparks]

Have you ever done practice? No, I can. The closest I got, I could touch the rim. But it wasn't even the real part. It was the part.

[Phil Duckett]

So, no, you've never done.

[Martin Urbano]

That's dunking.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I Touched the backboard one time.

[Martin Urbano]

That's dunking, dude. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

That was probably the best day of my high school, school life.

[Phil Duckett]

When you touch the net.

[Turner Sparks]

When I could get to the. No, the. The part that comes down to the rim.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, where they put the net in? Yeah, those little pieces.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, there's the rim and then there's that little. You know, the rim's orange and then the part that connects to the backboard. You know what I'm talking about?

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, you mean the base?

[Turner Sparks]

The base, the wire, whatever.

[Phil Duckett]

The.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, that part.

[Phil Duckett]

It was a real biggest day of my high school.

[Turner Sparks]

Real big day at the Sparks household.

[Phil Duckett]

Babe, we got us an athlete.

[Turner Sparks]

Was Kung Fu big in the, like, Mexican culture?

[Martin Urbano]

No, it was anime at the. My generation. Yeah. Dragon Ball Z was big.

[Turner Sparks]

What about. I remember reading one time that Morrissey was big in, like, the Latin American community.

[Martin Urbano]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

How did that come about?

[Martin Urbano]

I missed it, but, yeah, that was. I don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

Who's Morrissey?

[Turner Sparks]

Morrissey was a singer for the Smiths, who was like an 80s British band. 70s, late 70s, 80s British band. Really good. Kind of, like original. I don't even know. I call it. There was no genre, but. But then Morrissey went solo. But he's like a white guy from England who somehow, like. Like Kung Fu with black people tapped into, like, the Latin American community in America. I've not. Do you have any idea how he.

[Phil Duckett]

Was backed by the cartel?

[Martin Urbano]

Could be. I. I really don't know anything about him. In fact, I didn't hear a lot about Morrissey until I became friends with Chris Gether, who was, like, a huge fan and had a tattoo of Morrissey across his arm. And then Morrissey said something and things. I don't even know what. But then Chris covered that tattoo up.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, he got canceled.

[Martin Urbano]

I don't know what he said. I don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

He said Doritos was better than Takis. He was like, get the fuck outta here. Let me ask you something before we move on.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

As a Mexican American, how do you feel about Selena's killer wanting to parole that stupid bitch?

[Martin Urbano]

If she gets it, she won't survive.

[Phil Duckett]

She won't make it a day.

[Martin Urbano]

A day she won't.

[Phil Duckett]

People to this day still want her dead for killing Selena. Selena.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

That is wild. Selena is literally one of the biggest Mexican artists I've ever seen and ain't been here in almost 30 years.

[Martin Urbano]

There's been, like, three different adaptations of her story. And she had, like, lived for, like, so little time. People love her.

[Phil Duckett]

She Would have been bigger than any pop star we've seen. Yeah, I think so.

[Martin Urbano]

I don't think she realizes Yolanda Saldivar is her name. I don't think she realizes she's not safe outside of prison.

[Phil Duckett]

No.

[Turner Sparks]

No.

[Phil Duckett]

If you made it 30 years in prison, this is as safe as it gets. Because out here.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

In Texas, you don't get put down.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

She was the head of her fan club, right?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Am I remembering right?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. And then got a cute.

[Martin Urbano]

Stole money. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And so then came back and shot her. And now you won't parole.

[Turner Sparks]

I was in Austin a year ago, and we were in a bar, and there was a Selena tribute band playing.

[Martin Urbano]

Whoa.

[Turner Sparks]

Unbelievably good.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And I was like, every one of these songs is amazing. I didn't know much. I mean, I knew who Selena was, but I couldn't have told you. Like, the music. It's insanely good.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

She was really talented. Only reason I know her whole story is because the movie used to come on VH1, like, every weekend. But I was a fan, and she was fine as hell.

[Turner Sparks]

And you got Richie Valance, too. He died in the 50s. Wasn't he Mexican? American.

[Phil Duckett]

Is that La Bamba?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Martin Urbano]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Everybody down.

[Martin Urbano]

We lose our stars early. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

He's also from Texas, right?

[Phil Duckett]

We lose our stars.

[Martin Urbano]

I don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

Texas was part of Mexico back in the 60s.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't believe that's true. In the 19th century.

[Martin Urbano]

A few years ago. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Few years ago.

[Martin Urbano]

And Joe Rogan came in there like, okay, we'll make it.

[Phil Duckett]

He got them their freedom. Yeah. He got freedom.

[Turner Sparks]

He's like, I'll pay you 1500 for 10 minutes. All right. Nice. Last question. Oh, here we go. This is one for everybody. This is Courtney from Germany.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm Berliner.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah. Look at you. She says, I did a semester abroad this year at Temple University in Philadelphia and discovered that Americans talk so much about issues they don't understand.

[Phil Duckett]

She irritating John.

[Turner Sparks]

She said, the economy, global politics, even. And then in quotes, she says, soccer. Where do you all get this unfounded confidence?

[Phil Duckett]

Because we're America. And until you dominate the Olympics, Germany, you ain't got nothing to say to us.

[Turner Sparks]

It's called World War II domination. That's where we get the confidence.

[Phil Duckett]

Y'all brought this on yourself. We ain't tell you to sign up with the Grand Parks.

[Turner Sparks]

Go ahead.

[Martin Urbano]

She came here, right?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Martin Urbano]

She came to us.

[Phil Duckett]

You come to this country, you're gonna speak our language.

[Turner Sparks]

Not only that, you came to Temple University Right. Not exactly Ivy League easy.

[Phil Duckett]

I know a couple went to temple.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, go Al's.

[Phil Duckett]

They're like, fairly intelligent.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm not.

[Martin Urbano]

I'm just saying.

[Turner Sparks]

Here's the point. I think it World War II, that's where we got our confidence.

[Phil Duckett]

That's exactly, because before World War II, everybody was shook, scared of Japan. Japan out here running. It's a tiny island, 6 million of them.

[Turner Sparks]

They were running the United States history, according to Phil Duckett.

[Phil Duckett]

First of all, you can fact check this on TikTok. Let me tell you, Japan was a powerhouse. And guess what? When we smashed them, that was game.

[Turner Sparks]

Wait, we also smashed Germany. Yeah, it was a two prong.

[Phil Duckett]

How about that?

[Turner Sparks]

Going around the world both ways, meeting in the middle.

[Phil Duckett]

Ask, ask, ask Japan or Germany, who had it where worse.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, you mean with the we dropped.

[Phil Duckett]

Two bombs on that ass? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, they. I'm telling you, they went to computers immediately after that. It was like, oh, we didn't know. We was playing in Barcelona.

[Turner Sparks]

They started minding their p. They were.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, we got an app called Uber coming out in 70 years.

[Turner Sparks]

They imported Elvis immediately. They're like, we love America.

[Phil Duckett]

Why do you. With the breck, man? And it was like, well, we killed it. So I think that's where it is, is.

[Martin Urbano]

You know, my. My grandpa fought in World War II. And look at that, man.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, wow.

[Turner Sparks]

Where?

[Martin Urbano]

Oh, yeah, in the ocean somewhere. American.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm like, mexico was in World War II.

[Martin Urbano]

America, Mexican American.

[Turner Sparks]

He. He was born after Joe.

[Phil Duckett]

Let me tell you. I don't know much, but if it was World War II and he was Mexican and didn't look white, he was cooking just like the black people was there anyway. They weren't letting us shoot no guns during World War II. He was cooking.

[Turner Sparks]

Really?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Unless you like a red tail, like a Tuskegee airman. They were one of the first people they let, like, go to war and fly. Black people in those early wars, they were kitchen. They were the help. They were military, but they didn't let them, like, fight with whites unless it was like, all black battalion.

[Turner Sparks]

That almost sounds. My grandpa was front lines in Normandy, so I think cooking would have been better. He was getting shot at.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, at the time, y'all were like the. The most. The smartest, most intelligent, most athletic people they had ever seen. So y'all went frontline. Who's. We probably could have ended that war about 30 years earlier. Couple of brothers would have been out there. They're like, you know what? We actually want to play golf today.

[Martin Urbano]

30 years.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my God. All right, that's it. One last thing to do before we get to Patreon. We got white lies and dark truths. This is the part of the show, Martin, where all the everything we've just said, Joe fact checks us on it to tell us what we got right, what we got wrong.

[Martin Urbano]

I forgot to do it.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, it's all right. Because guess what? We didn't spit one line.

[Turner Sparks]

Wait, wait, can I do one? World War II wasn't a 30 year war. Can I just start there?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, I think everybody knows I was exaggerating. I'm a comedian. Yeah, it was actually 26 years, so they called it the Great War.

[Turner Sparks]

That was World War I. Was the great War.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, now you're. I think Before World War II, though, Japan was kind of a quaint sort of country, right?

[Martin Urbano]

With paper houses and.

[Phil Duckett]

And that needs to be fact checked because that is complete. No, Japan was like one of the scariest, biggest nations. They had the craziest nice navy. They had the best airport. Japan. Japan was nasty.

[Turner Sparks]

They were trying to take over China. They were in half of China. The rape of Nan Jing happened during. Before we entered the war, which is wild. They were not a polite paper house. What did you say they lived in? Paper mache.

[Phil Duckett]

Paper mache houses.

[Martin Urbano]

Apparently that house is made out of rape.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, boy. That's the episode.

[Phil Duckett]

We're going to edit that for sure.

[Turner Sparks]

That is it, Bart. Everybody. Check it out. The Apology Comeback tour, available now on YouTube. What's up, Japanese audience?

[Phil Duckett]

It was made with Rape is crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

We hate to see you go. Give us another chance. We'll be back next week. Just come on. We're nice people.

[Phil Duckett]

Is that a play on tape?

[Turner Sparks]

The Rape of Nantucket.

[Phil Duckett]

Right?

[Martin Urbano]

There's a poem made about the rape of Mantucky.

[Phil Duckett]

No.

[Turner Sparks]

It once was a man from Nantucket.

[Phil Duckett]

It was the rape of Nanjing.

[Turner Sparks]

Are we still on the air? That's it.

[Phil Duckett]

Straight into the Patreon.

[Turner Sparks]

Stay black. You've got a question but you're scared to ask.

[Phil Duckett]

Just drop the boys a message cuz.

[Turner Sparks]

They'Re up to the task.

[Phil Duckett]

They're rolling the dice.

[Turner Sparks]

They ain't always nice, but you can't think twice when giving black and white advice. Black and white advice Now.

[Martin Urbano]

Taxes is 100% free when you file in the TurboTax app. If you didn't file with us last year. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just do your own taxes in the app by 218.

[Turner Sparks]

What if I have lots of forms?

[Martin Urbano]

All good. All 100% free.

[Phil Duckett]

What if I had three jobs.

[Martin Urbano]

Still 100% free.

[Phil Duckett]

What if I once saw Bigfoot?

[Martin Urbano]

That has nothing to do with taxes. So still 100% free.

[Turner Sparks]

Now that's what I'm talking about.

[Martin Urbano]

Now this is taxes. See if you qualify in the TurboTax app excludes TurboTax Live. Must start and file an app by.

[Turner Sparks]

2:18 Ryan Seacrest here when you have a busy schedule, it's important to maximize your downtime. One of the best ways to do that is by going to chumbacasino.com Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino games like spin slots, bingo and solitaire that you can play for free for a chance to redeem some serious prizes. So hop on to chumbacasino.com now and live the Chumba Life. Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW Group Void where prohibited by law, 18 plus terms and conditions apply.