Matt Wayne & "Why Do White People Wear Shoes in the House?"

Summary

Black and White Advice Podcast: Episode Summary

Title: Matt Wayne & "Why Do White People Wear Shoes in the House?"
Hosts: Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett
Guest: Matt Wayne
Release Date: May 6, 2025

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Introduction to the Topic

In this episode of Black and White Advice, hosts Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett delve into the intriguing question posed by Joe Yang from Beijing, China: "Why do white people wear shoes in the house?" This seemingly simple query opens the door to a broader exploration of cultural practices, regional differences, and personal anecdotes surrounding the habit of wearing shoes indoors.

Cultural Practices and Regional Differences

Turner Sparks kicks off the discussion by acknowledging that while the practice is often associated with white households, it isn't exclusive to them. Phil Duckett adds, "Some black people do wear shoes," pointing out that habits can vary widely even within racial groups.

The conversation highlights New York City's stringent norms against wearing shoes indoors, emphasizing cleanliness and the avoidance of tracking in urban dirt:
"If you live in New York City, I haven't met anybody that lets shoes go in." – Phil Duckett

Conversely, in more suburban or Southern regions, the reasons shift towards practicality, such as tracking mud indoors: "Some people don't mind it as long as your feet are clean. Wipe your feet off on the doormat." – Phil Duckett

Comparisons with Asian Households

The hosts draw parallels between Western and Asian practices, noting that in many Asian cultures—Japanese, Chinese, Korean—removing shoes before entering a home is standard. This practice is often tied to maintaining cleanliness and respecting household rules: "In every Asian household shoes come off." – Phil Duckett

They also touch upon how these practices reflect broader cultural values around cleanliness and respect for shared spaces.

Personal Anecdotes and Humorous Interjections

To keep the conversation lively, Matt Wayne shares humorous personal stories related to the topic, including mishaps like breaking his toe and playful banter about athletic endeavors: "I broke my toe twice and had to retire from the team." – Turner Sparks

The hosts engage in playful teasing, adding a layer of comedy that is characteristic of the podcast's style. For instance, when discussing flip-ups of discussions or hosting a guest's impressions: "Look at that. He wants to know, why do white people wear shoes in the house? Black people may do this too, but I've never been to a black person's house." – Turner Sparks

Discussions on Cleanliness and Foot Odor

A significant portion of the episode addresses the practical reasons behind removing shoes indoors, primarily focusing on cleanliness and foot odor: "I think it's a region thing." – Matt Wayne

The hosts explore how concerns about foot hygiene and the state of one's shoes contribute to the decision to keep them off inside the home.

Humor and Satirical Takes

Throughout the episode, Turner and Phil infuse humor into their analysis, often exaggerating for comedic effect. For example, Phil jokes about the strictness within black households regarding shoe policies: "You'll get your ass beat putting shoes on the couch in a black family." – Phil Duckett

These comments serve to lighten the conversation while still addressing the underlying cultural nuances.

Conclusion and Reflections

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on how such everyday practices are embedded with cultural significance and personal preferences. They acknowledge that shoe-wearing habits are influenced by various factors, including regional norms, cleanliness standards, and cultural background.

"It's just shoes off everywhere. When people come to your house, it's a slippery slope to then you become the family that has, like, plastic on your furniture and stuff." – Turner Sparks

This closing remark ties together the discussion, highlighting how simple household rules can reflect broader societal values and personal preferences.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "Some black people do wear shoes."
  Phil Duckett [27:30]

• "If you live in New York City, I haven't met anybody that lets shoes go in."
  Phil Duckett [27:30]

• "In every Asian household shoes come off."
  Phil Duckett [29:13]

• "You'll get your ass beat putting shoes on the couch in a black family."
  Phil Duckett [31:23]

• "It's just shoes off everywhere. When people come to your house, it's a slippery slope to then you become the family that has, like, plastic on your furniture and stuff."
  Turner Sparks [31:30]

Final Thoughts

This episode masterfully blends humor with insightful discussion, offering listeners a nuanced look at a common cultural practice. Through personal stories and candid dialogue, Black and White Advice provides an engaging exploration of why shoe-wearing habits differ across cultures and regions, all while maintaining the light-hearted spirit that defines the podcast.

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For more insightful and entertaining discussions on race and cultural nuances, subscribe to Black and White Advice and join hosts Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett as they tackle your toughest questions with wit and wisdom.

Transcript

[Turner Sparks]

Joe Yang in Beijing, China.

[Phil Duckett]

Joe Yang.

[Turner Sparks]

Look at that. He wants to know, why do white people wear shoes in the house? Black people may do this too, but I've never been to a black person's house.

[Phil Duckett]

Fair point. Have you ever had a question you want to ask the opposite race, but you were too nervous to ask?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

And this is black and white advice.

[Phil Duckett]

But we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones.

[Turner Sparks]

This is black and white advice. You've got a question but you're scared to ask. Just drop the boys a message. They're up to the task, they're rolling the dice. They ain't always nice, but you can't.

[Phil Duckett]

Think twice and give it black and white advice.

[Turner Sparks]

Black and white. All right, everybody. Welcome to the show. My name is Turner Sparks, and I'm the Real Deal.

[Phil Duckett]

Feel the thrill, baby on the ones.

[Turner Sparks]

And twos Spinning the knobs, turning the dials behind the glass we got Joe the Muscle Russell. Joe. How you doing, Scooby Doo?

[Phil Duckett]

We do.

[Turner Sparks]

That's the worst one.

[Phil Duckett]

That is by far the worst one you've ever done.

[Turner Sparks]

He does a different impression every week. Give us a better one.

[Phil Duckett]

Just give us yourself if you don't have any.

[Matt Wayne]

Wait, what was that an impression of Scooby Dooby Doo?

[Turner Sparks]

No. Into the mic. Give us Cosby.

[Joe Russell]

I can't do Cosby again.

[Turner Sparks]

Ah, okay.

[Phil Duckett]

You did Rush for six weeks.

[Joe Russell]

How about this is Barack Obama.

[Phil Duckett]

No, no, no. Next. No, you ain't just. You ain't destro. President.

[Turner Sparks]

That was a good Obama.

[Joe Russell]

It's very important for white people and black people to have advice show.

[Turner Sparks]

No, we might have to cut all that.

[Phil Duckett]

We're gonna cut all of that. That was terrible.

[Turner Sparks]

Folks, we are let. We are about 30, $40 away from getting to getting. Fill in the mosh pit. Patreon.com Lost in America. When we hit $250.

[Phil Duckett]

Lost in America.

[Turner Sparks]

Lost in America. That's my old show.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I'm like, why are you plugging that? I'm like, wait, what? Let's go ahead and edit this whole first half.

[Turner Sparks]

Take that again. Take that.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, let's. The whole start of this. This is.

[Matt Wayne]

I've never even seen this before.

[Joe Russell]

I'm gonna do a new impression and everything.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. No, we're starting from the top.

[Joe Russell]

We're leaving this all in.

[Turner Sparks]

No, we're not. All right, everybody, welcome to the show. My name is Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

This is the real one. This is the one that's on the air.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, got you. I thought. Okay. And action.

[Turner Sparks]

What's up, everybody? Welcome to the show. My name is Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

The Real Deal. Feel the thrill on the ones and.

[Turner Sparks]

Twos behind the glass Spinning the knobs, switching the dials we got Joe the Muscle Russell. Joe, how you doing? Hey, boys and girls.

[Phil Duckett]

Joel Pale, Peewee.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, there we go. That's better. All right, you guys. Patreon.com blackand white advice. Go there. Now we are within striking distance. I think we are 90% of the way to our 250amonth goal. When we get to that goal, you can make it happen. This week then we will take Phil Duckett to his first ever punk rock concert. We're gonna throw him in the mosh pit. We're gonna get him on stage to stave stage dive. We're gonna film the whole thing and put it out to Patreon subscribers only.

[Phil Duckett]

I can't wait.

[Turner Sparks]

It's coming soon.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm terrified, but I can't wait.

[Turner Sparks]

Matt, are you into punk? You ever been to a punk show?

[Matt Wayne]

Oh, countless. I was like a punk hardcore Scott kid in high school.

[Turner Sparks]

Good. Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

So was Turner.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, me too. I'm going to see Dead Milkman coming up soon. Oh, going to see the Queers.

[Matt Wayne]

I saw their plan. Yeah, I don't want to go to that.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay. I said this. I said I'm not going to that.

[Turner Sparks]

That was the one I wanted to take him to, but then they sent out a notice said absolutely no stage diving from the venue.

[Matt Wayne]

Well, those guys are like in their 70s.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, they're old guys.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah, they can't be. They can't be policing people jumping off the stage.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, well, I guess that's unfortunately. So we're going to. We got to find a new show. We need like a younger.

[Phil Duckett]

What's a good. What's a good punk rock?

[Matt Wayne]

I'm trying to. What's up? What's a punk band? That's.

[Turner Sparks]

They would let you. Let you.

[Matt Wayne]

Wow, you just missed drug church. That would have been a good one.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't even know them. That would be good. Maybe we need Madhouse I sound.

[Phil Duckett]

That sounds fun. Drug charge.

[Matt Wayne]

Drug charge.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I thought you said drug charge. I'm like sick.

[Matt Wayne]

I don't know. I'll have to check the. The Internet to see what.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. What was the other one I was gonna go to? Oh, Less than Jake Might be a fun like. And the Suicide Machines. Oh, wow.

[Matt Wayne]

That's really bringing it back.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, that might be a fun mosh pits.

[Matt Wayne]

I saw Less than Jake was it two years ago. And it. It wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, really?

[Matt Wayne]

No, it was just kind of sad.

[Turner Sparks]

Best.

[Phil Duckett]

Best punk concert you've been to?

[Matt Wayne]

Best punk concert I've ever been to, actually. Descendants and Suicide Machines there was like. That was like 97. Yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I heard. When you do the Don't Tell in Delaware, Milo, the singer from the Descendants, comes to the shows. All of them, everyone who's done it. They're like, bro, Milo was at the show last week. He goes a lot.

[Matt Wayne]

That's crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

To don't sell Delaware. So maybe that would be a one. That would be. We see the Descendants and. But we let them know in advance. We're. We're comedians. We need it in so that they'll let us on stage.

[Matt Wayne]

Bouncing souls are coming too.

[Turner Sparks]

That. That might be it.

[Matt Wayne]

That's the fun one.

[Turner Sparks]

That's the fun one. Okay, we'll go to that one.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And with H2O, I think, right?

[Matt Wayne]

I hope so.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we're boring, everybody.

[Matt Wayne]

This is.

[Turner Sparks]

We'll figure it out.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, what, are you talking Greek to me? I'm like, all right. Bouncing, counting souls.

[Turner Sparks]

Couple shout outs to our Patreon subscribers. Rebecca Grapevine, do you remember her?

[Phil Duckett]

Heard it through the Grapevine.

[Turner Sparks]

So she said. You sung that a couple weeks ago when she joined. She said, oh, tell Phil thanks for singing that song. That's my song. I'm a news reporter, newspaper reporter in Atlanta. So people literally do hear from the grapevine when they hear.

[Phil Duckett]

That is sick. I sang her theme music through me.

[Turner Sparks]

That's her. That's your theme music. Thank you.

[Phil Duckett]

When I come to Atlanta, I'm gonna need a write up for my next show. All right. I gotta get.

[Turner Sparks]

People think, we own the press now in Atlanta. We're finally above the wall. We own the media.

[Phil Duckett]

We can spin it.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes. And then Kenan, who's a $20 a month subscriber, said, I don't need a shout out. He said, all I want you to do. Please, could you just shout out the old Drunken Clam Bar in Suzhou, China, on my behalf? Or blind Chinese massage dudes in my honor. So I knew this guy out in China. The place we started stand up comedy was called the Drunken Clam Bar in Suzhou, based off the Family Guy bar. And it was just like this dirt. It was basically a dive bar.

[Phil Duckett]

And they had a blind Chinese man rubbing all down.

[Turner Sparks]

He would come in sometimes. Yeah. And then you could pay him five bucks if. And you'd get a quick massage.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't like how none of that sounds. Yeah, not sound.

[Matt Wayne]

There was no disrespect to the blind, but how.

[Phil Duckett]

They don't know what you're grabbing.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Matt Wayne]

They don't know the layout of the body.

[Turner Sparks]

The theory in China was that blind guys were better because you know how when you lose one sense, the other ones become heightened, like a superhero.

[Matt Wayne]

Is that real?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. So Chinese thought that was like Ty.

[Matt Wayne]

Goes to the runner. I thought that was like, you know, like an old wives tale.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, well, no, listen, it's Chinese. It's ancient Chinese secret, you know.

[Matt Wayne]

Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

So it can't be wrong. So that's what they believe. So that blind masseuses are the most expensive out there. But then what happens is people started faking like they were blind.

[Phil Duckett]

I said you'd have to like, actually scoop your eyes out.

[Turner Sparks]

I caught1 Watching TV when I was getting a massage. And then he goes like this. He's doing the massage and like he's just watching. And then you know how you kind of like, look up? I look up and he goes, look at this.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Matt Wayne]

Oh, my God.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

This is why you think Stevie Wonder can see. Because you've been duped.

[Turner Sparks]

You've been duper.

[Phil Duckett]

He really thinks Stevie Wonder.

[Matt Wayne]

Well, we've all seen the video.

[Turner Sparks]

No, that was. That was Joe Russell said Stevie.

[Matt Wayne]

Herbie. The Herbie Hancock video.

[Phil Duckett]

Which one?

[Matt Wayne]

The mic stand. A mic stand falls near Stevie and he's like.

[Turner Sparks]

He catches it.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah, but.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay, I don't believe that because then he ends up kissing Al Sharpton in the mouth. When they met, like. Like he was going to, like, for a cheek and like, kiss, like right on the lips.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, he's a little.

[Matt Wayne]

But it also could be the sense thing. He loses his sight, but he senses mic stands.

[Turner Sparks]

Who was the other person that said they saw Stevie Wonder playing basketball?

[Phil Duckett]

A couple people.

[Turner Sparks]

He was getting buckets.

[Phil Duckett]

No, I saw. I saw him shoot a free throw and he was definitely blind. That ball went straight up and straight down.

[Turner Sparks]

On the show today, everybody, we got Matt Wayne. Comedian Matt Wayne, everybody. Check out his Comedy Special on YouTube right now. It's called Give it a sniff.

[Matt Wayne]

No, it's called Take a sniff.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, I wrote down nobody right here. It says give it a sniff.

[Matt Wayne]

It's called Take a sniff.

[Turner Sparks]

Your publicist sent me the wrong information.

[Matt Wayne]

It says it's on Joe List's YouTube page.

[Turner Sparks]

Joe List. He's fantastic. I've heard he's the best.

[Phil Duckett]

I worked with him when I was In South Carolina, I featured.

[Turner Sparks]

Then you took money away from Matt Wayne because he's.

[Phil Duckett]

Matt Wayne was not there. And then they were like, we have at Charles in Charleston at Woodson Comedy club.

[Turner Sparks]

You're the fill in for Matt.

[Matt Wayne]

I was never booked anyway.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, but I thought you tour with Joe.

[Matt Wayne]

I do, but I don't know when that was. That might have been before my time.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay, it's like two months ago.

[Matt Wayne]

Wait a second.

[Turner Sparks]

We're here to tell you you've been fired by Joe.

[Phil Duckett]

I wasn't booked by Joe. I, I, I wasn't booked by Joe. I, I was in town. My mom lives in Charleston. I was like, hey, I'm in the area, any spots. And he was like, joe, this is headlining. I can give you a feature. I was like, done you. So yeah, well, Joe, Joe didn't. We don't know each other that well. We've recognized each other. But he's like, oh, I've seen you at the seller. I was like, yeah, thanks for letting me do it.

[Turner Sparks]

And then after the show, you were like, hey, that other guy, you really don't need him anymore. I'm your new guy.

[Phil Duckett]

Hey, let me know if I can get a weekend.

[Turner Sparks]

Forget that. Wayne and the Waniacs. How's the, how are the Waniacs doing? That's the name of his fan group.

[Matt Wayne]

Oh, the wainiacs are buzzing. They are, they are totally buzzing. They take us.

[Turner Sparks]

Take a sniff out.

[Matt Wayne]

Take a sniff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I love Waniacs.

[Matt Wayne]

Thank you.

[Turner Sparks]

Good fan base.

[Matt Wayne]

I thought I made it up. And then I realized that Wayne Newton calls his fans waniacs and he actually has fans.

[Turner Sparks]

So he's dead though, isn't he?

[Matt Wayne]

I don't think, I don't think he's dead. I think he's like a, like a William Shatner. I feel like he's like 99 and just holding on forever.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Still has a residency.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Kills it.

[Turner Sparks]

He's four walling it in Vegas.

[Matt Wayne]

He just comes out like Frankie Valley. Just puts his eyes open, sinks a couple bars, goes back into the darkness.

[Phil Duckett]

Just lips.

[Turner Sparks]

I was in Reno and Frankie Valli was performing like two years ago. He's got to be 112 years old.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah, he's still going strong.

[Turner Sparks]

It's crazy Sherry Sherry baby. Do you know that song? He's from like the 50s.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, see, yeah, we weren't allowed to listen to music back then.

[Turner Sparks]

That's true. That was before you guys were allowed.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, we weren't. We were just making blues to listen.

[Turner Sparks]

We were Talking off air about the. Our flag football team.

[Phil Duckett]

So Turner's an athlete for the fans that didn't know, like myself. We learned something new about Turner every week.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm a four sport athlete, five tool baseball player. Six Sigma certified warehouse construction.

[Matt Wayne]

He got injured every game.

[Turner Sparks]

Seven. Seven.

[Phil Duckett]

Have you worked in a pickup sticks?

[Turner Sparks]

I did, yeah. And Mr. Softy, my ice cream truck company out in China, we had a warehouse. So technically I would work.

[Phil Duckett]

I got you.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. I would stack pallets.

[Phil Duckett]

Nice.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. So we got the team, you and I. I. You still play on the flag football team? I used to play on a flag football team with Matt Wayne, Ray Sawadney.

[Phil Duckett]

What was the name of the team was?

[Matt Wayne]

Team Bomb Squad.

[Turner Sparks]

The bomb squad because we were comedians. All comedians.

[Matt Wayne]

And we're bombing it.

[Turner Sparks]

And none of the other teams are comedians. There's not a comedian league. We just had a comedian team. Sean Murphy was on it. Pj.

[Matt Wayne]

No, John Murphy is the architect. He put it all together.

[Turner Sparks]

John Murphy put it together. We had no black people.

[Phil Duckett]

Sounds about right.

[Turner Sparks]

We needed some.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I didn't know what type of league. I didn't want to say was it all white league? Because I was like, what'd you do?

[Turner Sparks]

No, no.

[Phil Duckett]

What'd you do against the brothers?

[Turner Sparks]

We got our ass kicked. Yeah, there was. So the team's good now. When I was on it, it was our first year.

[Phil Duckett]

Did y'all diversify your portfolios at how y'all got better, or is it still all white?

[Matt Wayne]

We're still all white in this day and age, in this.

[Turner Sparks]

We've been looking for black people to join the team.

[Matt Wayne]

They're like, we have. We got one. We got one black guy, but he committed so many penalties.

[Phil Duckett]

I was gonna say committed suicide. I thought you were gonna say that. He killed himself.

[Matt Wayne]

He was like, I'm so sick of this white.

[Phil Duckett]

I can't play with these white boys.

[Matt Wayne]

No. Yeah, we're. We're still all a big group of whites. And we lost to a black team last night, a matter of fact.

[Turner Sparks]

Was this the. The Monstars.

[Matt Wayne]

No, the Rhinos.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Monstars were like professional athletes.

[Matt Wayne]

They are going to be like.

[Phil Duckett]

They were just black, Turner. They were not professional. They were plumbers.

[Matt Wayne]

This was. This was another level. They decimated everybody. Yeah, they like won every game, like 84 to 7.

[Turner Sparks]

Dude, I remember. So you play in this indoor soccer field. So think of like a hockey rink with the walls, you know, very tight.

[Matt Wayne]

It's very tight turf.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, tight. Five on five, five on five, five on Five flag football. And then there's a scoreboard, like a high school scoreboard. It didn't have three digits because it's football.

[Phil Duckett]

So they got the three digits.

[Turner Sparks]

We. They went over 100 on us in football. In the game I was in, I.

[Matt Wayne]

Wasn'T there for that one.

[Phil Duckett]

These are six point points, right? Like, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt Wayne]

We were.

[Turner Sparks]

By the end of the third quarter, too, we were down, like, over a hundred to, like twenty. The idea was that if they doubled your score, was it double the score they would call the game or mercy rule. There was a mercy rule.

[Matt Wayne]

There is a mercy rule. But then there's also, like. There's a point where, like, two teams are like, do you want to just keep playing?

[Phil Duckett]

How the did they get to 100 on y'all?

[Turner Sparks]

Because we did that because they mercy ruled us, like, seven minutes.

[Matt Wayne]

Some people just want to keep playing and they don't care.

[Turner Sparks]

The game starts today. It's supposed to end at 9. By 8:12, we were mercied out of the game. And they were cool. They were like, do you guys just. Why don't we just keep playing? What? This is kind of stupid. They're like, yeah, we'll keep. We'll keep getting our ass.

[Matt Wayne]

We should have switched team. Like, we'll take some of your guys.

[Phil Duckett]

That's not how that works.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah, no, no, I see.

[Phil Duckett]

These are the type of games I wish I could put parlays on because I'd have cleaned up. I was like, no, they're gonna definitely gonna hit the over for sure.

[Turner Sparks]

It was over a hundred in that game. And then they also had all these fancy ways of not getting, like, not getting you to take their flags instead of just running straight. No, no, no. They had that little, like, maneuver.

[Phil Duckett]

It's called juking. Turner. He's like, yeah, they did a lot of sneaky. So you can pull the flag juke.

[Turner Sparks]

I didn't know if that was a bad word. Are you allowed to say juke? What's the word you're not allowed to say? That's one. There's another one.

[Phil Duckett]

Is it.

[Matt Wayne]

That's one.

[Turner Sparks]

That's one.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, you're thinking about jigaboo.

[Turner Sparks]

No, there's one that, like, John Mayer said and had to apologize for. Jive or shuck and jive or something like that.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, that's just some white.

[Matt Wayne]

I think you're allowed.

[Phil Duckett]

You're allowed to say shocking job just means. Yeah, shuck and jive means you're tap dancing for the. No, no, no.

[Turner Sparks]

It was the NSync guy. Not. Not John Mayer. What's the other guy's name?

[Phil Duckett]

Lance. The gay one?

[Turner Sparks]

No, like the super famous one.

[Phil Duckett]

Justin Timberlake.

[Turner Sparks]

Timberlake. He had to apologize for saying, like, juke or jive or some. What.

[Phil Duckett]

Juking and Javin Joe.

[Turner Sparks]

Look it up. Okay, cool. We'll figure that out.

[Phil Duckett]

That sounds.

[Turner Sparks]

Anyway, that's what gave me pause. I didn't want to get Timberlake.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. They're doing some real tricky magic. We couldn't pull the flags. Running sneaky. Oh, my God.

[Turner Sparks]

My point is, I broke my toe twice and had to retire from the team.

[Matt Wayne]

But one of the times wasn't on the field. You broke it on your coffee table.

[Turner Sparks]

I broke it on my coffee the first time. It was on the field during a practice. I got checked into the wall.

[Phil Duckett]

But see, I hear these type of stories without the football, and I'm like, turner's not an athlete. You know, I mean, anyone can get injured.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, if you never played, you got.

[Phil Duckett]

Injured every time you stepped on the field.

[Turner Sparks]

That's fake news. That's not true.

[Matt Wayne]

I don't think you finished a game. I'm not.

[Turner Sparks]

That's not true.

[Matt Wayne]

Listen.

[Turner Sparks]

True at all.

[Matt Wayne]

Listen, you're a great player. You're a great possession receiver. But I don't know that you finished one game.

[Phil Duckett]

You're like Joel Embiid.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, he makes a lot of money.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. To do. Just. Just do nothing.

[Turner Sparks]

That's not. Finish that.

[Matt Wayne]

I just have a mental image in.

[Turner Sparks]

My mind of you going, I think I finished one. It was a game.

[Phil Duckett]

How many games are in a season?

[Matt Wayne]

Six.

[Phil Duckett]

One for six is insane.

[Turner Sparks]

I do remember. Do you remember the game when we played the girls team and we.

[Matt Wayne]

You got that game, too. That was our first win.

[Turner Sparks]

We. Yeah, we beat the girls and you got injured. I did not. No, no. This idea that I got hurt every game.

[Phil Duckett]

Tell me.

[Matt Wayne]

I think you did get injured.

[Turner Sparks]

I didn't get injured. Somebody checked the girl into the wall and had to apologize.

[Phil Duckett]

For what? You can't have equal rights and then apologize for a check.

[Matt Wayne]

Did I do that?

[Turner Sparks]

I believe I didn't recall.

[Matt Wayne]

Did I do that? I checked the girl into the.

[Turner Sparks]

Was it.

[Matt Wayne]

No.

[Phil Duckett]

He's like, spike, don't play with girls.

[Matt Wayne]

It might have been me, but it.

[Turner Sparks]

Could be or miss.

[Matt Wayne]

That's because I'm equal opportunity. You want to get on the field, I'll throw you in the field. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You said you wanted to play. Let's play.

[Matt Wayne]

What is funny is there are a lot of teams have one girl.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Matt Wayne]

And Then. So you're lining up. Back before we figured out zone defense, we were playing, man. And then it was always funny to hear Sean Murphy go, I'll take the woman. Like, okay, okay, cool.

[Phil Duckett]

Now, I met a couple girls who could toast some dudes. In black football, though, you always get, like, a couple, like, lesbian chicks.

[Matt Wayne]

The all girls team we beat, we didn't, like, crush them.

[Turner Sparks]

No, it was. It was very close to being very embarrassing. I mean, it was embarrassing anyway, but the loss would have been.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, guys, you. They wouldn't let you back in the league. They're like, we were fine.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, it would have been tough. You should play Phil.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm always down for some sports.

[Turner Sparks]

Phil played in the basketball tournament. Like, Comedians Only basketball tournament.

[Matt Wayne]

Oh, the. The big. The big Walkowski.

[Turner Sparks]

Hamburger. Was the referee.

[Matt Wayne]

Really.

[Phil Duckett]

No, he wasn't.

[Matt Wayne]

That's not the ham.

[Turner Sparks]

That's not Hamburger.

[Phil Duckett]

Was one of the coaches.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, I thought he was the ref.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, he won the ref.

[Matt Wayne]

Hamburger.

[Phil Duckett]

Hamburger.

[Matt Wayne]

And I opened up a hamburger once.

[Turner Sparks]

Did you?

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah. Bombed.

[Turner Sparks]

And he.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, his crowd is kind of set.

[Turner Sparks]

Did he destroy.

[Matt Wayne]

Of course. Of course.

[Turner Sparks]

I love to see him.

[Matt Wayne]

I went on after the national anthem.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, Where. What? The national anthem. What comedy club had a national anthem?

[Matt Wayne]

Wasn't a comedy club.

[Turner Sparks]

Pledge of allegiance.

[Matt Wayne]

It was like a concert hall in Buffalo. I don't even think it exists anymore. It's called the Sphere. Yeah, you know, it. It's tight. It's Town Ballroom now.

[Joe Russell]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt Wayne]

But it used to be called Sphere. And, yeah, I. I went on after the national.

[Turner Sparks]

Why did they do a national anthem?

[Matt Wayne]

I don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

Some people have respect for this country.

[Turner Sparks]

Before a comedy show.

[Matt Wayne]

It crushed people.

[Turner Sparks]

Loved the national anthem. Killed people.

[Matt Wayne]

Love the anthem. Then I got up there and they were like, the. Is this guy's problem.

[Joe Russell]

So if you open for a hamburger, are you the opening act or are you a appetizer?

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, boy.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, I knew something was coming.

[Phil Duckett]

A food joke was coming.

[Turner Sparks]

I could see the wind up, I thought.

[Phil Duckett]

Or the helper.

[Matt Wayne]

I was the relish. I was the bomber.

[Turner Sparks]

It's a theater.

[Matt Wayne]

I mean, this was years ago. I mean, it wasn't a theater. It was like a. Like a concert hall.

[Joe Russell]

It was standing room, too.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah, it's like a. Where a punk show might.

[Joe Russell]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt Wayne]

But.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Okay. And then. So you go out and then. Is there another actor? It's just straight to Hamburger.

[Matt Wayne]

Just straight to Hamburger.

[Turner Sparks]

National anthem. Matt Wayne. Hamburger.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah, that's right. It was cool. What a show.

[Phil Duckett]

So Wayne's from Buffalo. He confirmed Joe's story that dicks were out when their parents were in high school.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. This is insane. So you're also.

[Phil Duckett]

This is like three weeks in a row. We brought up now because it's mind boggling that this is not that your.

[Turner Sparks]

Parents generation, our parents generation in the city of Buffalo swam naked in.

[Phil Duckett]

This isn't like a river they found. This is school district orchestrated pedophilia.

[Matt Wayne]

Now I don't know about my parents, but I've heard this. I've heard this from other parents and I've even heard it from like New York City parents that like when they did swimming, when they did the swimming unit in gym class, it was just everyone naked in the pool.

[Phil Duckett]

But it was boys. It was all boys.

[Turner Sparks]

Separate girls class.

[Matt Wayne]

I guess so. I don't know. But I also remember, I'll tell you this, when I was in fifth grade, okay.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh boy.

[Matt Wayne]

In Buffalo, I remember the gym teacher was like, they were trying to teach us about hygiene. They're like, you all need to get deodorant.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Matt Wayne]

There's the first time as a boy so good. I was like, I was like, I need some, some speed stick or something. And then they were like, also, we're going to start showering after gym class.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Matt Wayne]

And I remember being like iffy. This is weird. Cuz we're, you know, how old are you in fifth grade?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Matt Wayne]

And then like so that's how it was. And then like they were like, all right, everybody close off in the showers. And then like we were all just like taking our clothes off. And I remember the gym teacher walking in going hubba hubba. He said. And then like I remember like going home. I like, I think we just all fell for it. Going home and being like. And I was like, I was like, dad, they made it. Mom, dad, they made us shower. They made us shower at school.

[Turner Sparks]

He's doing all the 90s sitcom.

[Matt Wayne]

I am. I'm doing. Did I do that?

[Turner Sparks]

He's doing the Joey Lawrence. Hubba hubba's a crazy one.

[Matt Wayne]

It was crazy. And I told my parents, I was like, they made a shower and he came in and said hubba hubba. And they were like, so.

[Joe Russell]

So that's just good old fashioned coaching.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah, that's just like very minor pedo ink.

[Turner Sparks]

You're like, mom. He said, Daddy like.

[Phil Duckett]

Bit his thumb. Oh God.

[Turner Sparks]

Daddy like is we. I remember when we were in junior high, it was California junior high. They had showers. They even have showers. They just had like lockers. And they were like, before Gym. Everybody go change. But no one ever got naked. And I think it was even optional to change. So everyone just like, you take your, you know, you keep your boxers on, change shorts. And that was as far as anybody.

[Phil Duckett]

We had gym uniforms. Like, yeah, that's what I mean.

[Turner Sparks]

We had to change.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. But there were showers and nobody ever used. I think that was from like the early times. And then once I got to high school when we played football, that's when showers became a thing. But even still, we all kept our tights on. Like we would just soaked with our space.

[Turner Sparks]

That was. That was.

[Phil Duckett]

We never got full naked.

[Matt Wayne]

It's crazy. You watch like an 80s film.

[Phil Duckett]

They were always.

[Turner Sparks]

And they're just.

[Matt Wayne]

They're all like. They're snapping. They're doing this.

[Turner Sparks]

Everyone's like, yeah, they're all like butt naked.

[Matt Wayne]

And yeah, like, no one was in the shower.

[Phil Duckett]

That was my biggest fear when I went to middle school, though, because my mom had heard that they had to shower and then we didn't. But I was like, like, I don't want to get naked in front of everybody.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah, no.

[Phil Duckett]

And I remember like panicking about that. I was like, everybody's gonna be looking at me, you know? And I already was always like the only brother at my school normally. And I was like, I'm not about to be nobody. Science project.

[Joe Russell]

If you were the only black guy in my class, I'd probably be looking too.

[Turner Sparks]

I'd be like, let's see.

[Phil Duckett]

Is it true every episode.

[Matt Wayne]

Hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba. Did I do that.

[Phil Duckett]

Every episode? Joe says some. That makes me question every wrinkle.

[Matt Wayne]

I'll tell you this. Four years of high school, all four years, I had first period gym. I was furious.

[Phil Duckett]

First period in the morning.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah, first period. So you.

[Turner Sparks]

You're so sweaty.

[Matt Wayne]

You're so self conscious in high school, you want to like, look cool. Then like, boom, you're just. Your day is wrecked.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, we had. I was in band class all four years. I played drums and they. It substituted for PE So I never had PE in high school.

[Phil Duckett]

So once I make.

[Turner Sparks]

And it was the most out of shape band I've ever been.

[Phil Duckett]

Firstly, they your practice was your. Your gym period. So that'd be the last period of the day.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Okay, so they just counted it. That makes sense.

[Phil Duckett]

So we'd have class and the last period would be your gym, which would be basketball. To start a basketball practice.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Yeah, that adds up. Should we get to our questions?

[Joe Russell]

Yeah, it's about that time.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, everybody we'll be right back with your black and white advice, questions and answers. Hey, you want to get bonus content early episodes and have your questions answered on the show?

[Phil Duckett]

Well then subscribe to our [e-mail] blackandwhite advice and subscribe right now.

[Turner Sparks]

Do it and we'll give you a shout out on a future episode and.

[Phil Duckett]

I might call you the N word.

[Turner Sparks]

All right everybody, we're back. First question comes to us from. Oh, this is Alexander who's written in before his Patreon subscriber. What's up dude? 45 year old white dude in Nebraska. He had be the, he was the original. So this has been a question we've been going on for like months now. He was the original person who asked if I'm alone in my car, can you say can I wrap?

[Phil Duckett]

And we've already told you numerous times, Nebraska, do what you want and if you get caught, that's your ass.

[Turner Sparks]

No, but he has an update. Oh, because he said he kept listening and you had said something later on that there was. Because I, I proposed the idea that the best way to get people to watch the NBA All Star Game is if you separate the teams by race. If you have a white team versus a black team, if you're worried about ratings, people will watch that. That is something people will.

[Phil Duckett]

No, they won't because the All Star game already sucks.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah, it's already.

[Phil Duckett]

So now we got a all star team that looks like your flag football team. Who the wants to watch that?

[Turner Sparks]

Well, Luka Jokic, I mean if you only win Americans. Yeah, we wouldn't have anybody. But if you allowed Europeans, Austin, Reeves.

[Phil Duckett]

AR15 is a problem, it'd be pretty tough. But it still wouldn't be a close game.

[Turner Sparks]

Anyway, you had mentioned that like anyone that was half would be considered black because there's like a one drop rule.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, the one drop rule is a real thing.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, here's the update from Alexander. He said did he find a drop?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, he did his 23andMe he has a drop.

[Turner Sparks]

He said he's an eighth black.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, eighth.

[Matt Wayne]

That's more than a drop.

[Turner Sparks]

He never heard of the one drop rule till Phil brought it up. So he wants to know now can.

[Phil Duckett]

He what was the percentage? So what is the eighth? What is it? Is it has to be 25. That's the one drop.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, an eighth is like 12. Is it 12%?

[Matt Wayne]

No, you can't say 8 out of 100 is 8%.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, it's 8.

[Matt Wayne]

No, 8 out of 100 would be 8%.

[Turner Sparks]

That is wildly untrue.

[Matt Wayne]

Don't you know how decimals do they have math? 8th of a hundred.

[Phil Duckett]

Is it 0.8 or 0.0?

[Turner Sparks]

8% is 8 out of 100.

[Matt Wayne]

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm Saying.

[Turner Sparks]

He's 1.

[Matt Wayne]

8. 8%. Oh, 1 8th.

[Turner Sparks]

1 8th. I think he said 8%. 1 4th is not 4%.

[Matt Wayne]

No, but I thought you originally said 8%. That is.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, excuse me. I meant he's 1 8th. If I might have said he's 8%. I'm sorry. See, he's. I'm sorry.

[Matt Wayne]

You said the table wrong.

[Phil Duckett]

What is 1 8th? Percentage?

[Turner Sparks]

Give it a sniff. Everybody check out.

[Joe Russell]

I don't know, looking at.

[Turner Sparks]

Just get on account.

[Phil Duckett]

Even the computer doesn't know what an eight.

[Turner Sparks]

It's 12.

[Phil Duckett]

Wait, an eighth, I think. Well, it was an eighth of weed.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, there you go.

[Matt Wayne]

Now we're speaking three points. Five.

[Phil Duckett]

3.5. So he's three and a half percent.

[Matt Wayne]

No, I don't know.

[Turner Sparks]

That would mean three and a half times eight.

[Matt Wayne]

This is my understanding. There'd be no math. I can't. This is. I've already proven I don't know what I'm talking about.

[Joe Russell]

0.5.

[Turner Sparks]

I was closest.

[Phil Duckett]

You can. So. So to answer your question, he's 12.

[Turner Sparks]

And a half percent black.

[Phil Duckett]

You can say nigga, but you can't finish.

[Turner Sparks]

You can say half. That's not a bad comment. Oh, because it's halfway to 25.

[Phil Duckett]

I love my Nick.

[Turner Sparks]

There you go. All right.

[Phil Duckett]

And then cut yourself off.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, Alexander. Look at that.

[Phil Duckett]

He's not. He's. He doesn't have that type of self control. If he says Nick, he's gonna say. There's no.

[Turner Sparks]

Listen. If a tree falls in the woods and there's no one around to hear it, he's a white dude in Nebraska. He's an eighth black guy.

[Phil Duckett]

First of all, you're in Nebraska. They're all saying it anyway. You'll blend.

[Turner Sparks]

You can say whatever you want.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah. They're like, oh, you say it too.

[Turner Sparks]

Look at that. Next question comes to us from you little nigglet. Jo Yang in Beijing, China.

[Phil Duckett]

Joyong.

[Turner Sparks]

Look at that. He wants to know, why do white people wear shoes in the house? Black people may do this too, but I've never been to a black person's house.

[Phil Duckett]

Some black people do wear shoes. What? I'll tell you if you live in New York City. I haven't met anybody that lets shoes Go in New York City. And if they did, I probably wouldn't be their friend because you just walk through so much nasty in the city that you would always take your shoes off at the doors. You don't want, you don't know what you stepped in that day. So she was always come off at the door.

[Joe Russell]

I was on my way here and there was a turd on the stairs of the subway station.

[Matt Wayne]

Seeds everywhere.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes, sir.

[Turner Sparks]

So you would never drop trout and took a poop?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, like human. And that's the thing, you see that? So I would never wear shoes. But like down south, like some of my relatives don't allow it. But at the same time they just don't want you tracking mud. And it's not for the fact because you drive everywhere so you're really not thinking about what you're stepping in. But I just, it depends. Like some people, they don't mind it, like you know, whatever. As long as your feet are clean. Wipe your feet off on the doormat.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And you can do that. But that's what say. I think it's a region thing. Like I walk in here.

[Matt Wayne]

I think also depends the situation. Like if you're in your own house, why would you have your own shoes on anyway?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, you put your house slip. But if you have, but if you.

[Matt Wayne]

Have like a dinner party, you want to make everybody take their boots and dress. Like then you're like. Then you just got to clean the floors after they leave.

[Joe Russell]

I think there's an exception with dress shoes.

[Phil Duckett]

You think so?

[Joe Russell]

Like I have been to family members houses and like if you got your dress shoes on, they're kind of clean. You don't use them all the time.

[Turner Sparks]

That could be it.

[Matt Wayne]

Ah yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

They can't be everyday shoes.

[Turner Sparks]

There's also the idea that you're in a car. Like in the suburbs, you go from car to like driveway to car to drive.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I tell you every time I'm back home, I've never seen human feces on a street.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Ever.

[Turner Sparks]

You never walk through your friend's suburban driveway and just it's just a homeless dump.

[Phil Duckett]

Right. And you, if you step in dog, you know it. So you definitely don't wear those shoes. So you know, I think it's like.

[Matt Wayne]

Like a region and it all depends.

[Phil Duckett]

I. Yeah, I think in every Asian household shoes come off. Chinese, Japanese.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Korean.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. I mean the ones I've been in and yeah, I've been to those countries. Yes. All of them. Shoes off.

[Matt Wayne]

It might also be a self conscious Thing about foot odor, I think they're just cleaner.

[Turner Sparks]

They're very clean.

[Matt Wayne]

I just mean, like, white people. I'm saying, like, people be like, oh, my. My feet might stink. I don't want to take my shoes off and unleash this.

[Turner Sparks]

I think part of it is the idea that if you. Like you said, like, a fancy dinner party, like my parent also, it's generation by generation. My parents never have people take their shoes off when they come to their house, and I think they would feel weird about having a bunch of people over for dinner. And then like, yeah, it's. Everything smells because it smells like feet.

[Phil Duckett]

Gotcha.

[Turner Sparks]

They're just like, keep it on.

[Phil Duckett]

So foot odor plagues the white kid.

[Turner Sparks]

I think it. Foot odor. I think it does plagues the white.

[Phil Duckett]

That's really not. Didn't even cross my mind. But in. In, like, China, don't they sit, like, Indian style with no chairs?

[Turner Sparks]

That's Japan.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay. So, yeah, shoes on the floor. Yeah. So you can't really have shoes on for that. You can Indian style with the shoes on.

[Turner Sparks]

That's true. You know, you think they call it Indian style.

[Phil Duckett]

I hear that's out in Japan.

[Turner Sparks]

Everyone has natives that whatever the type.

[Phil Duckett]

Of Indian, they are, apparently heavily frowned upon now. But every Indian person I know, they're like, it is Indian style, though. I mean, that's how we say.

[Turner Sparks]

How many Indian people do you know?

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I. A couple of reservation chicks, for sure. A couple of chicks from.

[Turner Sparks]

And even they say Indian style.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. They're like, well, we created. Like, we created pretty much everything.

[Turner Sparks]

It's our style.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

We can decide what it.

[Phil Duckett]

And then I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And it was like, they don't do that.

[Joe Russell]

So what you did, when he went down on her, he'll cut this part.

[Matt Wayne]

You do not cut that part.

[Phil Duckett]

You do not cut that part. Oh, baby, we're lost in America.

[Matt Wayne]

Now.

[Turner Sparks]

We have to keep the opening. The callback. Yeah. All right. So I think it is mostly. So do my. Here's my question with this one to you, Phil, is with black people, is it like a 50? 50? Because I feel the shoes off. My parents generation. All white people. It's shoes on. I. I remember shoes on on the couch. I remember people doing that.

[Phil Duckett]

Y'all. Y'all have no rules. Y'all have no rules.

[Turner Sparks]

I remember all that.

[Phil Duckett]

You'll get your ass beat putting shoes on the couch in a black family. You will literally get it. Yo, they'll take the belt off. Are you out of your mind? On the couch.

[Turner Sparks]

I remember people doing.

[Matt Wayne]

You'll get that belt.

[Phil Duckett]

You get the belt for that.

[Turner Sparks]

I remember, like, friends sitting, like, putting their feet up on my cat.

[Phil Duckett]

My mom. My mom would have drugged them off by the ankles. I swear that my mom would have drew it. Are you crazy? This is real leather.

[Turner Sparks]

Shoes on. Being a totally normal thing for my childhood.

[Phil Duckett]

Turner, y'all wash your hair with palm olive. So what did you say? We take with a grain of salt? Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

If that was the norm, I was like, then it was the complete opposite of what everybody.

[Turner Sparks]

You know why I think it is? We don't. It's just shoes off everywhere. When people come to your house, it's a slippery slope to. Then you become the family that has, like, plastic on your furniture and stuff. You know what I mean?

[Phil Duckett]

Parents have black grandparents. Always have plastic on furniture.

[Turner Sparks]

Do they?

[Matt Wayne]

And Italians.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

And Italians.

[Phil Duckett]

Black grandparents, furniture. I used to hate going to my grandparents house overnight because they had plastic on the mattresses. And you want to talk about the hottest sleep, you'd wake up stuck today just in the middle of the night, just drenched.

[Turner Sparks]

That's like boy scout camp.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, God. Plastic on everything on the mattress.

[Turner Sparks]

It'll just.

[Phil Duckett]

I remember my homeboy, grandma died, and she left him the house. And he was. He was like, man, I'm up. And he was like, well, time to get the plastic off, and just started ripping plastic.

[Turner Sparks]

What's the point of living?

[Phil Duckett]

Preserving. They're like, this is our antique furniture preserve.

[Turner Sparks]

You're never gonna sit on it.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm like, you're never enjoying.

[Matt Wayne]

Just in case it gets photographed. Has to get photographed. It's pristine.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, pristine.

[Turner Sparks]

Houses in China would keep, like, on the microwave when I lived out there, that. You know how that comes with that film on it initially when you're shipping it so it doesn't scratch the thing, they would keep the film.

[Phil Duckett]

I just took mine.

[Turner Sparks]

Did you?

[Phil Duckett]

Because it was starting to peel.

[Turner Sparks]

Did you?

[Phil Duckett]

I always keep it on as long as it'll take.

[Turner Sparks]

And that's just so.

[Phil Duckett]

I feel like. I feel like it gives you less gamma rays. So, you know, it's a scientific thing. I don't want to become sterile standing in front of it while my noodles are cooking. Just keep it on.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, next question.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

Here we go. This. Which one should we do here?

[Phil Duckett]

Last week was such a long episode, so I'm excited, you know? I mean, I think this would be good. We got a Fluffy.

[Turner Sparks]

This is a tighter pace.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, it's a tighter pace for sure.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, we're good. This is from. Oh, this one's mostly for Phil Guy in Provo, Utah.

[Phil Duckett]

It's not for me. I don't know no white people in Utah.

[Turner Sparks]

He says, I love the show. What is the black consensus on Karl Malone?

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, man, he's our rapist. The mailman is a great basketball player who raped a child, denied the child. The child now plays in the NFL and he still want nothing to do with him. He's not a good person. And my sister used to hang out with his daughter in Louisiana.

[Turner Sparks]

This is why people ask us the question. There's always some connection.

[Joe Russell]

My wife's from Utah and I think he knows someone that she knows. Someone that babysat his kids or something like that.

[Phil Duckett]

When he was 21, when he was playing at Louisiana Tech, which I went to Grambling. Louisiana Tech is seven minutes from Grambling.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

Towns over. And he's a king there. Like, he has a whole. I think he just opened up a mall there. But he has a huge estate. My sister went to high school in Ruston, and so he. She knew her daughter and they became real cool. So she used to go to Karl Malone's house.

[Turner Sparks]

The daughter that was in the wnba.

[Phil Duckett]

No. Yeah. Different daughter.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

But so that's how. And I was like. I always watched the NBA, course I was a Michael Jordan fan. So I knew Karl Malone great. But then as I got older and then I heard the story, then I found out it was true. 21 years old fucks a 13 year old.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

Gets her pregnant, denies the baby because he didn't want to pay like 1 mil in child support, which that was nothing to what he was making.

[Turner Sparks]

That's what it was like a 1 mil.

[Phil Duckett]

And he was like, absolutely. Absolutely not. And so to deny is the baby. The baby grows up to be a superstar. Played for the Philadelphia Eagles.

[Turner Sparks]

I didn't know that.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. And then he. When he met him as an adult, he was like, well, you're a grown man now. There ain't nothing I can do for you. And still denied, you know, I mean, like, he was like, you made your own name.

[Matt Wayne]

Yowza.

[Turner Sparks]

So no, he didn't do the whole thing where, like, now that you're famous, I'm gonna be in a relationship.

[Phil Duckett]

He was like, you came something. Anyway, I can't do anything. Whoa.

[Turner Sparks]

He's a tough guy. Did. I knew that.

[Matt Wayne]

I think also Malone was. Which, you know, he was the first player also when, like Magic was coming back with aids. Yeah. He was the first one to be like, whoa.

[Turner Sparks]

By the way, I think he was right. He wouldn't play against Magic. Magic was HIV positive. And he was like, hey, I've talked to doctors. If Magic gets a cut and it gets on to me.

[Matt Wayne]

No, he was right to be like.

[Turner Sparks]

I could get aids.

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And every other. Other player was like, it's bigot.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And like, on that one specific instance.

[Phil Duckett]

But that's probably good doctor advice, like, selective outrage. So a K. Okay. I draw the line. Yeah.

[Matt Wayne]

He's trying to distract from the kid.

[Turner Sparks]

Everyone overlooked the kid part.

[Phil Duckett]

He's like. He's got a point. Like, no, this guy is kind of flawed.

[Matt Wayne]

Like, did you a kid. He's like, did you hear my stance on Magic?

[Turner Sparks]

Let's go aids, you bigots.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Karl Malone, not so hot.

[Turner Sparks]

Ironically, he's very. I think he's very well liked in. Well, I know he's well liked in Salt Lake City.

[Phil Duckett]

They got three in the whole state. Of course he's well liked. He brought him a damn near championship.

[Turner Sparks]

He has a street named after him.

[Phil Duckett]

Let me tell you something. What I haven't learned about white. Even the most racist white people. If you're a star athlete, they make an exception. Yeah, I know plenty of white people who are like, I've never believe in interracial date. And then their daughter starts dating the running back from the Georgia Bulldogs. He's like, marquis has always been one.

[Matt Wayne]

Hell of a person.

[Turner Sparks]

We draw the line at line.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Yeah. You know, about what they can do for. Or. She had a bright future. He can't just be any old. But he's got. He's a workhorse.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

No, white people are weird, but that's how that goes. They pick and choose.

[Turner Sparks]

It's true. We got okay once he's. But he does have a street named after him in Salt Lake City. For sure. I saw it when I was there.

[Phil Duckett]

Carl Malone has his way.

[Turner Sparks]

Karmalone Boulevard has his way. All right, I believe that's it. We got one more question, but we're gonna save it for the Patreon show. Unless I miss something here, I think we're good. Yeah, Joe, what do you got? You got any White lies and dark truth?

[Joe Russell]

Oh, yeah, we just got one here. Wayne. New guys. He's 83 years old, and he's performed over 30,000 solo shows in Las Vegas over a period of 40 years, earning him the nickname Mr. Las Vegas.

[Phil Duckett]

All right, I know who Wayne Newton is. I never knew his music from Vegas Vacation. He's about to the mom, what a good movie oh, one of my favorites, Mr. Papa Giorgio.

[Turner Sparks]

My friend's fake ID in high school was Nick Papa Georgio.

[Phil Duckett]

That is so fire. But any guy who knows pop culture been like, get the out of here.

[Turner Sparks]

I know, right?

[Joe Russell]

Turner, I couldn't find anything about Justin Timberlake in a racist thing. No, Maybe it's someone else.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, I could be misremembering Joey Fatone. It was Joey Fatone. Maybe see the astronaut. One of them is an astronaut, aren't they?

[Matt Wayne]

They got an astronaut in there? Yeah, I don't know about that.

[Phil Duckett]

Space.

[Matt Wayne]

I didn't know NC before the ladies did.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, don't even get me started on that space trip. Kissing the ground. I love the major. Like I'm sure the astronauts that were up trapped for nine months watching Katy Perry kiss the earth after 10min.

[Turner Sparks]

What I love about that story is it's rare that the whole world has something we can come together. Yeah, they're like, that's like just no one's offended. Usually there's one side that's like, no, no, that's a little offensive to me. No one. Everyone's on the same side of this. It's like these people are full of Wendy's.

[Matt Wayne]

Went after her.

[Turner Sparks]

Wendy's, the hamburger restaurant?

[Matt Wayne]

Yeah, they like trolled her on X. Yeah, nice.

[Phil Duckett]

They. Whoever runs these exit counselors, they got some young kids doing it because it's so funny. Some of the things they'll say.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, running like the corporate accounts miss.

[Phil Duckett]

The things they'll do.

[Turner Sparks]

The best part, I heard someone say, they're like, do you know what? Like, because the whole thing they said is like, we went to we're now women to show that women can also be astronauts. We all went to space. Meanwhile, none of them are astronauts.

[Phil Duckett]

Meanwhile, NASA canceled like nine women.

[Turner Sparks]

There are women astronauts.

[Phil Duckett]

But. But because of dei, they removed them from the website. They're like, oh, did they? Yeah. And they're like, yeah, yeah. You guys are empowering the youth. When we have actual female astronauts who are getting banned from the website.

[Turner Sparks]

They're real female, real scientists. What about me? Yeah, I did this. No, I saw, by the way, that whole thing about DEI banning. They also banned, you know, the Enola Gay. You ever heard of that? Yeah, it was the plane that dropped the atomic bomb and the guy, the pilot named after his mom, named it after his mom, whose name is Enola Gay. That also got banned because they just saw the word gay not even reading anything. Yeah, they assumed it was like, I.

[Joe Russell]

Agree with that though. That makes sense. It's a little gay little game.

[Turner Sparks]

That's it. That's the show. Everybody go check out. Take a sniff. Yes. YouTube streaming now. Matt Wayne filmed it in Queens, New York. Am I right?

[Matt Wayne]

Brooklyn. The gutter. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I knew it was a bowling alley. I didn't know which one it was. Okay, check it out, everybody. We'll be Patreon subscribers. Stick around. If you're not a Patreon subscriber, go subscribe right now and you're gonna get the bonus show starting in 30 seconds. For everybody else, stay black, baby. You've got a question? But you're scared to ask? Just drop the boys a message? Cause they're up to the task?

[Phil Duckett]

They're all in the dice?

[Turner Sparks]

They ain't always nice?

[Phil Duckett]

But you can't think twice? And giving black and white advice?

[Turner Sparks]

Black and white at night.