Patreon Show Sneak Peak!

Summary

Black and White Advice: Patreon Show Sneak Peak! – April 22, 2025

Hosts Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett delve into the intricacies of comedy, race dynamics, and their personal journeys in the world of stand-up. In this special Patreon-exclusive episode, they offer an unfiltered glimpse behind the scenes, share anecdotes from their comedic careers, and tackle listener questions that bridge racial divides.

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1. Introduction and Patreon Promotion

The episode kicks off with Turner Sparks passionately declaring his stance on comedy education:

"But if you have to take a class to be a comedian, you're not a fucking comedian, all right? Comedy comes naturally. You learn how to write a joke. Those fucking classes are scams... I just want you to know that you're not very good. I took a class."
[00:00] Turner Sparks

Phil Duckett counters his friend's bold proclamation:

"Yeah, I should say I started with a class, damn it."
[00:12] Phil Duckett

Transitioning from their humorous banter, Turner enthusiastically promotes their Patreon channel:

"We’ve been telling you for six months now to sign up for our Patreon channel... $5 a month. Frankly, do it just to help us out. We're losing money every episode."
[01:25] Turner Sparks

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2. Behind the Scenes of the Patreon Show

Turner and Phil unveil the exclusive content available to Patreon subscribers, including behind-the-scenes footage and bonus episodes featuring notable comedians:

"This is what you're missing every week... a 15-minute bonus show every single episode. We got Ray Zwadney, Lee Valentine, and Vanessa Jackson from Saturday Night Live."
[02:23] Turner Sparks

They discuss the depth and authenticity that Patreon brings to their content, allowing them to explore more candid conversations and in-depth discussions about the New York City comedy scene.

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3. Personal Comedy Journeys and Experiences

The hosts share their personal experiences navigating the challenging landscape of stand-up comedy. Turner Sparks recounts his initial struggles and evolution:

"My first show... I just walked off stage... I was so bummed."
[22:41] Turner Sparks

Phil Duckett mirrors similar sentiments, emphasizing the emotional rollercoaster that comes with performing:

"I bombed my fucking face off, son. It was the worst feeling ever."
[20:37] Vanessa Jackson

Vanessa Jackson adds her perspective on beginning comedy later in life and the resilience required to persevere:

"I started at 40... doing stand-up after a divorce was something that hurt my soul even more."
[19:35] Vanessa Jackson

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4. Navigating Open Mics and Comedy Clubs

A significant portion of the episode delves into the daunting experience of open mics, especially in big cities like New York. Turner criticizes the ineffective nature of some open mics:

"Open mic in New York City? Don’t ever go to a Laughing Buddha. Goddamn. It is a scam."
[41:06] Turner Sparks

Phil concurs, highlighting the struggle to find quality venues:

"Open mics are terrible in New York City... They’re trying to figure out how to use a joke because they want to say it. And you’re like, I’m gonna kill myself."
[38:43] Phil Duckett

They contrast this with more supportive environments in smaller towns, where audiences are more invested and receptive:

"In smaller towns, audiences are not jaded by comedy. They're like, I've never met a comedian. They'll come support."
[39:54] Phil Duckett

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5. Listener Questions: Race Dynamics in the Workplace

Turning to their core mission of addressing questions about race, Turner and Phil tackle a listener’s inquiry about interracial workplace interactions:

Question from Drew in Detroit:

"I’m 39 years old and white. I’ve noticed black folks my age often call me 'young man,' sometimes younger guys do it too, which is weird. Can I ask them to turn it down or move my desk?"

The hosts interpret "young man" as a sign of disrespect:

"They calling you a little bitch."
[16:17] Turner Sparks

Phil adds nuance, suggesting that terms like "King" may indicate respect:

"We would never call a white dude King unless we meant it. If he was saying King, he was respecting you."
[17:57] Turner Sparks

They advise addressing the issue directly yet respectfully, emphasizing open communication over passive-aggressive tactics.

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6. Listener Questions: Workplace Music Preferences

Another listener, Chris from Derby, New York, seeks advice on dealing with loud hip-hop music in an all-black office:

Question from Chris in Derby:

"I like hip hop, but it’s very hard for me to concentrate. Can I ask them to turn it down or move my desk?"

The hosts propose practical solutions:

"If you move your desk, they gonna know. It’s better that you just sit up."
[32:14] Turner Sparks

Phil recommends direct communication:

"Just tell them, Chris, you can’t be doing that shit here."
[33:14] Turner Sparks

They caution against passive-aggressive approaches like handing out headphones, advocating for straightforward dialogue instead.

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7. Comedy Writing and Classifications

Revisiting their initial stance on comedy classes, Turner reiterates his belief that true comedians are naturally talented:

"If you have to take a class to be a comedian, you’re not a comedian. Comedy comes naturally... Those classes are scams."
[41:07] Turner Sparks

Phil shares his own experience with comedy classes, acknowledging that while some aspects can be honed, innate talent is crucial:

"Andrew Schultz said comedy can be honed but not learned... You either have an ear for it or you didn’t."
[42:14] Phil Duckett

They critique a particular experience in a comedy writing class where dark humor was incorrectly perceived as funny, highlighting the complexities of comedic expression.

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8. The Transition to Professional Comedy

The hosts discuss the growth and professionalization of their podcast, aiming for higher listener engagement:

"We’re up to a thousand streams a week. We're in the top 5% of podcasts."
[48:11] Turner Sparks

They express ambition to continue expanding their reach and impact within the comedy podcasting niche.

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9. Conclusion and Future Directions

As the episode wraps up, Turner and Phil cement their commitment to addressing tough questions about race and comedy. They tease future content and encourage listeners to support their Patreon for exclusive materials.

"For all you Patreon people, stick around after the music. Subscribe to our Patreon and we’ll give you a shout-out on a future episode."
[05:27] Turner Sparks

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Notable Quotes:

• "Comedy comes naturally. Those classes are scams."
  [00:00] Turner Sparks

• "Open mics are terrible in New York City... You’re gonna kill yourself."
  [38:43] Phil Duckett

• "They calling you a little bitch."
  [16:17] Turner Sparks

• "If you have to take a class to be a comedian, you’re not a comedian."
  [41:07] Turner Sparks

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Final Thoughts

In this Patreon-exclusive episode, Black and White Advice offers a raw and insightful exploration of the challenges and triumphs within the comedy landscape, particularly through the lens of race. Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett blend humor with candid discussions, providing valuable perspectives for both aspiring comedians and listeners navigating interracial dynamics in their personal and professional lives. Their dedication to educating and entertaining shines through, making this episode a compelling listen for anyone interested in the intersection of comedy and race.

For more in-depth content and exclusive behind-the-scenes footage, consider supporting Black and White Advice on Patreon.

Transcript

[Turner Sparks]

But if you have to take a class to be a comedian, you're not a fucking comedian, all right? I'm going to say that right now. Comedy comes naturally. You learn how to write a joke. Those fucking classes are scams, all right? I just want you to know that you're not very good. I took a class.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I should say I started with a class, damn it.

[Turner Sparks]

Have you ever had a question you want to ask opposite race but you were too nervous to ask?

I'm Turner Sparks.

And I'm Phil Duckett.

And this is black and white advice.

But we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones.

This is black and white advice.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

You've got a question but you're scared to ask.

[Phil Duckett]

Just try drop the boys a message cuz they're up to the task they're.

[Turner Sparks]

All in the dice they ain't always.

Nice but you can't think twice when giving black and white advice Black and white advice.

All right, everybody. Welcome to the show.

My name is Turner Sparks and I'm the real deal. Feel the thrill. I'mma tell you something. What a night. What a night was had last night. That's why I look like. Wow.

Save it for patriots. Patreon. Oh, man, we got. So we're. Joe the Muscle Russell is not here right now because we got a special episode for you guys we're doing. This is gonna be a peek behind. We've been telling you for. For six months now. To sign up for our Patreon channel, go to patreon.com blackand White Advice. $5 a month. Frankly, do it just to help us out.

We gotta.

We're losing money every episode. We like doing this show, but we're losing money on the show.

Currently losing money, guys. Literally the opposite of what I should have been at the mosh Pit. All right, just so y'all know, you.

Should have already been at the Mosh Pit. So just to help us break even, go to patreon.com blackand white advice. 5 bucks gets you this show. 10 bucks gets you this show. Plus more. 20 bucks gets you the show, plus even more. And you get to name the name the Gentry Fires, which is the current name of our fan group. You get to rename it. And for any of those, you get in free to our show at the New York Comedy Club, May 22. May 22. You get in. The tickets are 25 bucks and 35 bucks. I think the 35s are almost sold out. So either way, you get in, you get in for less than that. And you get this show and what we're doing is if you don't live in New York City, we're gonna record that show and we'll put it out just to our Patreon subscribers.

Yeah.

So what we're doing today, giving you a behind the scenes. This is what you're missing every week. When the. When. After the music. When you listen to the show and the music ends or you watch the show, the music ends. That's when the Patreon show kicks off. We do an extra 15 minute bonus show every single episode. And we're going to show you some of the highlights this week. So we got. Coming up first, we have the Ray Zwadney episode raised. Fantastic comedian in New York City. Then after that, you're going to hear Lee Valentine when he came on. And then you're gonna hear Vanessa Jackson from Saturday Night Live. So you get all these people today, you're gonna get a sampling of what they all do and what we do after the.

After the regular show, after the fucking mics are cut. How crazy we get.

How crazy it gets. How behind the scenes we go deep into New York City comedy. We'll name names. I think we made it so we didn't name names on these episodes because this is going out to the general public.

Okay, good. Yeah, we blocked that, but gotcha.

But all the other ones, we go, well, there's literally. I was listening through to figure out which episodes to put, which clips to put here. And every single one of you, like, oh, this one's gonna be great. And then we just go off on some comedy club owner in New York City, and I can't do that one.

Yeah, what a. Yeah, I like the page draw. That's when you let your hair down a bit.

Yeah. It's when we get loose. So help us out. Everybody jump in there. And I think we should just get right to it. And for the Patreon subscribers, stick around because we will be doing a Patreon bonus episode at the very end of this after the music. And Phil, you got to tell me about your night last night.

Okay. Is that. We're gonna say that for the Patreon.

We'll save that for the Patreon.

Okay, let's save that for the Patreon.

There's a reason why Phil has a cold right now. He's a little stuffy.

No, I didn't do any extracurriculars to that extent, but. Oh, lint's over. So I started smoking weed again.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Wow.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, you said lint's over lints.

Over. Smoked for the first time in, like 40 some days, buddy. I think the weed has gotten stronger in these last 40 days. I was so high, it was unbelievable. I was like. I was like, how did I do this all day, every day? Like, that's how. Like, I mean, I have a half a joint from yesterday. That's still. That's. Dude, I used to smoke a joint to the face where I walked in to record the pod. Yeah. And I literally smoked half of it. It was high for seven hours yesterday.

Fantastic.

Wow. Unbelievable.

Back.

[Vanessa Jackson]

We are back.

[Turner Sparks]

100. That's it, everybody. All right, now let's kick it off. Let's give these people the bonus. This is a sampling of what we do. We will be back next week with new guests, new episodes, all that kind of stuff. And for all you Patreon people, stick around after the music. All right, let's get to it. Hey, you want to get bonus content, early episodes, and have your questions answered on the show?

Well, then subscribe to our [e-mail], blackand, whiteadvice, and subscribe right now.

Do it, and we'll give you a shout out on a future episode.

And I might call you the N word.

You were telling us off air that you recorded it in Philadelphia. Not in Philadelphia, right outside.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Like 40 minutes outside of Philadelphia.

[Turner Sparks]

And they just fill it.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Yeah, I mean, he. Like, tickets were so bad, kind of like three days before, and he was just like, hey, I'm going to hit up my, like, email blast for you. You know, he's always been pretty good to me. And it fucking packed out the room for the special.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

So it was like. Like two shows.

[Turner Sparks]

You did a owl.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Yeah, I got. I got it. I got it down for the special to, like, 50 minutes.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

Oh, but you did long when you won't stay, Because I'm be honest with you. Yeah, I should. I clocked out on both my shows. I think it was like 47 on the first one and 52 on the second.

That's all you need.

Yeah. Well, in my head, I was like, you still don't have an hour. I was like, no, you could have talked for an hour.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Yeah, I mean, you do. But I think even the point of getting something down on tape, like, people just.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, they edit it, they put it together. So my. My special is an hour special.

Oh, you did different bits.

So, yeah, I did my first show and I did my set and then. But again, there were so many nerves and all that that it wasn't That I was trying to do set. I just. I. You know, I not froze up, but I kind of lost track. I really wanted to talk about. I just didn't. Because I was in the zone.

Yeah.

And then once the first show went so well, that was the whole thing for me. My first show went so well. That was what. I was freaking out. I was like, no. But I told everybody to come to the second show because the first show is not gonna have a lot of people.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I was like, I'm have so many nerves. You shouldn't come to the first one.

Yeah.

First show packed out. I destroyed it. So to the point where I was like, should we even do a second show? I was like, Because I don't know how to top that. What I just did. That was really good.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And they were like, are you.

Yeah, you got to do it.

They said the second show is a free show. They were like. Because at the end of the day, if you bomb this whole next hour, we'll just use the entire first hour.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

You're playing with house money.

[Turner Sparks]

Right.

And so that. So then once the weight was gone, it wasn't. I was trying to do that. There was just off the top. Shit that just killed.

So you riffed?

I riff.

That's amazing.

Put some of the.

I've never done that into the fucking.

And it made it the full hour. Like, the riffing with some shit was never written. It was just me off the top of the dome. They were like, you got to put that in there. So I got the hour.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

There's some riffing that is in my special. That kind of doesn't make sense. But, like, I just had to address it is Soldiers has multiple rooms. It's like a big venue. And the one next to me, they had a male review there.

[Turner Sparks]

While you were like, a strip show.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Like a dude strip show.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

And, like, it was packed. Like, more packed than the show was. And, like, I'm like. Had to walk through it. Oh, you could hear it a little bit. Not on the. Not on the. In my recording. But, like, when you walk out, you heard it. And, like, I'm seeing dudes walking around in G strings. So, like, when I get on stage, I, like, had to address it.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

So there is just a random line that we couldn't edit out in the special because it would have up a joke too much.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

That. Like. Like, I feel like somebody watching it is just, like, randomly notice it.

[Turner Sparks]

They'll just be like. They'll just not register it was even a thing.

I Had that moment in mind, because when I first. When they first booked me to do that hour and everything, and they were like, right before, I was so nervous, you know, of course, just, like, nerves in general. And I was like, thinking, like, what do I talk about? Do I want to do this? And then I remember they told me one thing. They're like, just stick to the hits. You got the time.

Yeah, yeah, play the hits.

All right. I was like, okay, that's. Yeah, so I'll just stick to the hits. Trump gets shot the day before, and I'm like. And I'm not supposed to address.

Yeah, you gotta address.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

You know, I mean, like, people. So of course I start off with that. It kills. But after then, they were like, we're gonna edit this out of the special. It was great for the show. They're like, but it's gonna date the special. So take that. We'll take that out. And I took it out.

That was like. I've done two so far, and that's what I learned doing them. You always riff the top because they're always gonna cut it.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

But then your first joke will pop because it'll actually be like, the third joke.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

You've kind of warmed them up a little bit.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And I didn't see. I didn't know that I did it.

Right.

Yeah.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Was when. Before you recorded it. I. You were talking about, like, the nerves before, like, doing the set. And I don't know if you've experienced it either. My biggest issue, weeks and weeks leading up to it, was just, how do I start this? It was the starting.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

Like what?

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Like. Like. I mean, I even get it with regular sets. Just that idea of, like, what's the first fucking thing that I say?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

And then you kind of realize, like, the secret is that it's pretty insignificant.

[Turner Sparks]

It is very.

Yeah. It doesn't matter.

And I. I don't know. Maybe I learned that. I don't say learn that early, but maybe I'm just so hacky at the beginning of my set. Because I perform in white clubs. I'm always going to address how many white people there are. No matter how I do. I'm like, look at all you white.

Only chip in the cookie.

Only chip in the cookie. I've never heard. You haven't heard that?

I've heard that 100 times.

Pretty funny. But. Yeah. So it might be hacky, but, hey, what time. The majority of my shows are majority white audiences.

Yeah.

Me addressing white people and calling them out about, like, look at you mother.

Can I tell you?

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

It's disarming. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

It makes him happy, makes him laugh. And I can get right.

Can I tell you something that infuriates me? I've started to see white people do that. White people go on stage and go, whoa, there's a lot of white people here.

Hey, why are you.

You're a white person.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Okay, this.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, this is your people. This is.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

This is perfect for. For black and white advice. That is one of my pet peeves on stage is when a white comic says, like, nay, you're white as hell.

[Turner Sparks]

I know. Me too.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

We can't do that.

[Turner Sparks]

It's not ours. You got to give them something. You can't take everything from black culture.

My pet peeve for white comedians is, oh, you didn't like this. What do you guys want to talk about? I. When I. It makes my skin crawl. I'm like, you're not a professional.

I don't like.

I'm never going to let the fucking. I'm never yet. Because it's your job. Your job is to read the fucking room and do the best you can to give them something that they can digest.

I agree.

That right there is a cop.

Agreed. Yeah, agreed.

What do you guys want? So you're letting the crowd dictate the flow of the show now? So you have. You've lost control of the ship.

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

I. I hate. I hate anything like that. That, like, kind of makes the show seem unprofessional in general. Because that's like. Like if it's a showcase show, that's kind of affects everybody.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Like, they go, that dude doesn't give a shit.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. He's open mic. He's lazy. He's just trying to figure out, well.

And it's so it's all self protection. It's. You realize you're bombing, right? And so you're like, oh, this crowd sucks. Or when they start blaming the crowd.

I hate when people get me. They're like, they were fudgeing weird. I'm like, probably for you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But also when you're telling them they suck.

Hey.

Then they don't like the show.

Right.

And then it makes it harder for the next person that goes up.

And also when you say, oh, I guess you don't like this. They don't know what they like till you tell them.

Exactly.

There were some people who didn't fudgeing. Fudge with it, but there's somebody. But once you tell them, they don't know when you fuck up. A joke. They don't know when you misword a joke. That's all in our head. You just keep going. But once you let them know, I kind of fucked that up. Well, now you're showing, you, showing you showing the mirrors in the magic trick. Yeah, you fucked it up now.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

And like, sometimes when people will do, they're like, man, you guys suck. It's like, did you did like two jokes that weren't that good, right?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, exactly.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Yo, maybe it's you. Yeah, like. And like, just. They. They didn't boo. They're just quiet.

[Turner Sparks]

Exactly.

I will say that the positive, like, the. The showmanship, a part of comedy, I think comes from black comedy and Def Jam. And that's where I learned to, like, take control of the stage, to be like Nick. But, you know, you get up there, I've always think it's a. It's a show. You're putting on a show. These people paid for a show. They didn't pay for you to mumble.

That's how I feel.

They didn't pay to be like, do you think this is fun?

At the lantern, I'll pull some like that, like.

And I. I have. I'm heavily influenced by. By Def Jam Comedy. Same in the way. You can't tell it unless you're looking at it.

I've never been able to tell, but I appreciate. I'm gonna look for it.

But if you. If you watch the way I. You watch the way I, like, I'm on stage, I'm like, I'm gonna get your attention one way or the other. It comes from watching that style of comedy. I used to come from white comedy.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

I will also say that. That black audiences also take it more seriously that I've noticed.

[Turner Sparks]

We have to be funny. We pay good money. I saved up to take my girl.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Have to be funny. And they fucking dress nice when they go out to go see a comedy.

[Turner Sparks]

It's a show.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Because I used to. I used to feature. Like, there were a lot of acts that would come through Pittsburgh and they would want a white feature. So I would, you know, do fairly well in those rooms. And they would have me. And like, it was just such a more invested crowd.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Plus they don't want you doing the only chip in the cookie joke before them. That was my joke.

[Phil Duckett]

Black.

[Turner Sparks]

Black crowds are harder to win over. But once they're on your side, is the most fulfilling left.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

They got your back. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

The most. They'll let you work rock out. Once they with you, you can say whatever the fuck you want. They'll give you a chance. People don't realize black shows, you got to prove your worth to them. You have to prove that you're worthy of them spending their money to come see you. But once you've proven that, they give you free reign.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Even if you're famous, too. Yeah, even, like. Even the headline. Even the headliners, they were like, all right, well, you know, this was.

[Turner Sparks]

We know you, Mike Epps, but let's see.

They bring it on Mark Curry.

I, first of all, don't do Mark Curry.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

He's a legend.

[Turner Sparks]

He's great.

Hanging with Mr. Cooper was one of my.

I like Mike Epps. I like Mark.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

I was. I got to open a couple times for. For Bruce. Bruce, like a huge fucking fan of. As a kid on, like, Comic View. And I remember. I'll never forget that. I, like, had one of the best feature sets I ever had in my life. And I'm getting off stage, and I have that, like, air to me. Like, all right, good luck, Bruce. Bruce.

[Turner Sparks]

Way to follow that.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

He gets on stage, and literally, like, the first thing he said, it was like. He says something. He was like, look at, like. Like, this lady in the front. He was like, what's going on, baby? And, like, said something about her hat, and it got a laugh that was 10 decibels louder than my fucking closer. And I was like, oh, this is.

[Turner Sparks]

This is professional.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

This is what he' doing.

[Turner Sparks]

This level. It leveled up.

It's levels of fun.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Yeah, yeah. He. I mean, he was like. You know, it was a. Watching him, he was like. Everything was like, so, like, it was. He sold every joke. He wasn't lazy. It was like, selling the jokes.

[Turner Sparks]

That's what I was talking about. All right, we got one. We got one question to get to. This is from Drew in Detroit. He says, I'm a 30. I'm 39 years old and white. I've noticed black folks my age often call me young man sometimes.

Wait, wait. Repeat the question.

Is that true?

Repeat the question.

That resonate with you guys?

I'm sorry. I was texting. I had to text.

I read this. This when it came in. This is a real question.

All right, let me see.

When it came in, I read him, like, I don't even get it. Let me say.

Let me say.

Okay, it's from Drew in Detroit. He says, I'm 39 years old and white. I know Drew. He goes, I've noticed black folks my age often call me young man. Sometimes younger guys do it, too, which is weird. Not that I'm complaining, but I don't look very young anymore.

You should complain.

You want to explain this?

They calling you a little bitch.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Is that what it is? Young man. Young man. That's them. They don't have respect for you because when you 39.

Yeah.

And it's what? Like, even me at 36, they'd be like, what up, OG? They'd be like, oh. They were like, what up? So when they were a young man, they're literally letting you know, like, I don't respect.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

It's almost. It's like, nephew, too.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, it is. They don't respect. They're like, chill out, young man.

I wouldn't have known that.

Yeah. Young man is crazy at 39. Young man is great.

There's two kids I know kids are.

Calling him young man.

No, no, no.

I said, oh, so you take the trash out.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

OG is like the pinnacle.

[Turner Sparks]

It's gotta be.

Okay.

Og, Unk, is right under there. Young man. There ain't nobody out here calling me young man. Because I don't. Yeah, that's on. That's the low key.

Sorry, Drew.

Drew. They over here, they see you as fish.

Oh, no.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

You know. You know what I got called condescendingly the other day was King. You ever hear somebody hit you with, like, a condescending King?

[Turner Sparks]

I get boss or Chief.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Chief.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, settle down, Chief.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Oh, Chief is Chief. No, Chief will make me fucking snap.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, calm down, Chief.

Relax, Chief.

Bud.

All of a sudden, they go native on.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Come on, Bud.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah. Basically. Yeah. He's calling me the Trail of Tears, boss.

Wait, what was it? Boss?

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Boss is tough. Yeah, Bud. But. But I got the other day, like. No, no, no. You're good, King. It's like a.

[Turner Sparks]

You ever get big guy?

Yeah, because that as a. It was a black person calling you that.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Yeah, he killed me. He was. I was like. He was like, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think he was trying to kill you. Because here's the thing. We would never call a white dude King in period. Unless we meant it. Oh, real. He was just. He was being inclusive when he called you. Oh, okay. Because we would never call. We would never say.

We're learning.

We would never seen King to throw off on because we would. We don't think highly enough of white people to call you King. So if he was saying King, it was like, he respects you. He with you. Like, hey, King.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

I like that.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah. That was not a throw off. That was him actually showing you some respect. Young man.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Young man is in A yeah, them.

[Turner Sparks]

Pissed to eat Cheerios.

I love that you both knew exactly what that meant. And I had literally.

And he was like, oh, Turner's like, I feel young.

So what was it like in the Bronx? What it would have been in the 90s when you were late 80s.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, late 80s, early 90s. It was the music scene.

[Turner Sparks]

Like.

[Vanessa Jackson]

No, hip hop was crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. Hip hop was video music box was the thing that we always ran home to watch, you know. Yeah. After school and all that. It was just the thing to do. And hip hop, was it still dangerous.

[Turner Sparks]

In the Bronx during that time or you just used to.

[Vanessa Jackson]

No, I was a kid, you know, You a kid, you don't really know. It's just. I mean, like, look, there were just abandoned buildings everywhere. And even on Jerome Ave. Like, you see some of those nice apartment buildings? Those weren't. There was just rubble. Like, we. In order for us to get to the park, we would go through just torn down buildings that were just like ruins. That was just. Yeah, it was just. That's just the way it was. That's the way living. But it wasn't. It was nothing. I mean, we would. We would go play ball at all hollows like in the back and we would go to the park and we were just kids. It was just all normal and regular.

[Turner Sparks]

That's pretty crazy.

[Vanessa Jackson]

You don't have. You don't have an idea of what's dangerous, you know I'm saying that's just projected on you.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. That's your environment.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't. You don't know any better, you know.

[Turner Sparks]

When did you start doing comedy?

[Vanessa Jackson]

I was. I started at 40, so I was going through a divorce and I was like, let me do something that's gonna hurt my soul even more. And I started. Yeah, I started doing. No, the honest truth is I did start at 40, but my boy was like, yo, I to write this movie. And he wanted to take a comedy writing class and I paid for the class and he didn't. So it was like six months to a year later. And I was like, I got this money in the street, I can't get it back. I'm gonna take this class. At the end, you do stand up. I didn't know that's what it was. But I did my first show at Gotham and you catch the bug right then and there. I was like, oh, no, I gotta do this shit. And then immediately after from that show, I got booked on a show in Brooklyn. Bombed my fucking face off, son. It was the Worst feeling ever. Yeah. I was like, yo, I don't ever want to have this shit to happen to me again. And it's happened several. It happens all the time.

[Turner Sparks]

It continue to happen. Sometimes it's just one of them things. Some nights.

[Vanessa Jackson]

You know what, though?

[Turner Sparks]

It just happened.

[Vanessa Jackson]

You know what? It's different now because if you bomb, you're like, okay, this happens. And you have another show lined up when you're starting, and you bomb, you might have to wait three months before you could redeem yourself. So that shit stays with you the whole time times. And that is, like, true.

[Turner Sparks]

Not only that, but when you did well on your first, like, audition. Not audition. The graduation show.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

And you bomb the second show. Well, now you bomb 50 of your.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Right, exactly.

[Turner Sparks]

Now if you bomb, you're like, well, I know I've done well a thousand times.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Right? Right.

[Turner Sparks]

Those first mics give you a false sense of reality, though, because you're so excited. You've told everybody about it. So you got a lot of your people there, and people are there, so they're good sports.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And you think this is what comedy is until you get to the show where it's like, no, nobody knows you. Yeah. And they're here for a real show.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I had 60 people at show. It was insane, Doug.

[Turner Sparks]

And they usually bring in a headliner, too. Right.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I can't remember who it was.

[Turner Sparks]

It's like a guest spot.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. I can't remember. It could have been Seinfeld or. Or Gaffigan. Yeah. One of those guys. But, yeah, that was. It was an incredible night. Incredible feeling. And you catch the bug. You want that you. Because that's all we doing. We chasing that high of, like, after you do well after a show, you go out and into the streets and you just another random. This, you. You're nobody, you know, you just a normal on two train going uptown. You know what I'm saying? But when you're in there and you do well, it's such a good feeling.

[Turner Sparks]

And when you can't.

[Vanessa Jackson]

When you can't.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

When you can't do that, it's fucking the deepest of the lows that you can fucking have.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, getting rejected by a room full of people is the worst feeling. They all agreed you're not fun.

And you're like, I really put a lot into this.

Maybe they're right.

Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

But after you've, like, you said, if you've done a thousand shows and you've, like, I've done this before. I know this shit works. You.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

You know?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, you kind of brush it off a little easier. First. My first show, I didn't get that bug.

Did you not do well your first show? Usually most people do.

And then I walked off stage in the middle of like, a minute and 30 into myself. Just walked off and, like, out the door to the parking lot.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Wow.

[Turner Sparks]

It was fucking.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's fire.

[Turner Sparks]

I was so bummed.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Were, you know, Carolina?

[Turner Sparks]

No, I was in Louisiana. First time. It was two weeks before college graduation. It was a dare. I never wanted to be a comedian. Never thought about being a comedian. I just liked comedy. Like we said, my teammates saw this flyer in the quad. So you think you funny? Open mic, such and such night. I mean, I walked right past it. Didn't even read it. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking. My teammate ripped it out. He's like, oh, we going to this?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Wow.

[Turner Sparks]

I was like, no, we're not. He was like, I swear to God, you're gonna be. And I was like. And they literally just shamed me.

[Vanessa Jackson]

So they thought you were funny?

[Turner Sparks]

Well. Cause, you know, I've always been, like, the class clown, the funny guy in the locker room. Like, I was always funny, but I never thought if I had to actually be funny on cue, I was like, I'm funny for talking. I couldn't be funny just if I had. I said, there's no. You know how hard that is, right? And so they were like, you could do this. And the thing is, he was not the first person, though. He's just the one that forced me into it by shaming me. Like, don't be.

[Vanessa Jackson]

No, that's the way we get any. Any of our boys to do anything. He's not acting like a little. You ho ass.

[Turner Sparks]

Ho ass. Yeah. That's literally the conversation. And I was just like, bro, shut up. They were like, you gonna go? So. But I remember in high school, one of my best friends, he was like, yo, you should be a comedian one day. And I used to just be like, yeah, never. So this guy forces me to go my. Because it's my entire basketball team in college, they all. They're like, we're going. So that night, they're like, duck, be ready. We going. Here's a bottle of liquor. Drink up.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, you were drinking. That's why.

[Turner Sparks]

But I drank before because, I mean, I was like, I'm not doing this.

Nervous?

Yeah, I'm nervous. So I. I. They tell me, you got three minutes. And I was like, all right, I'm just gonna tell a funny story. That I always tell. And I remember I go up there and I'm so nervous, and I'm telling the story, and when it gets to the part of the story that I always laugh at or people always laugh at when I tell it, nobody laugh.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And that scared the out of me because I'm. Of course, the story don't get no better. Of course. That's the best part to me. So it's complete silence, and I do a couple more lines, and people are just looking. I was like, I'm so sorry. I made a mistake. I just walked off the stage, and I literally walked out through the back, through the doors to the parking lot. I was like, get me out of here. And I remember I'm almost to my car, and, like, the door. I hear the door open, somebody's running, and it's the dj. And he was like, yo, what the was that? I was like, I didn't want to do this. They made me do it. I said, I'm sorry for messing up your show. I didn't. He was like, are you crazy? He was like, first of all, he was like, you got this stage presence about you. He was like, that show was rowdy. He said, as soon as you walked up there, everybody got quiet. He said, imagine you telling the story, and when you get to the best part, he's like, I'm sorry. I made him. Well, you said people think he had, like, a stroke or something. They don't know what's going on. They're like. He was like, but whatever. Whatever, man. He's like, just as a rule of thumb, if you ever do this again, don't ever walk off stage before it's your time. You throw the whole show off. People aren't ready.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Wow.

[Turner Sparks]

He's like, stay up there. If you suck, you suck. He said, but I'm just saying, in comedy, if people aren't having a good time, they let you know it. Nobody stays silent.

[Vanessa Jackson]

You know what that gonna be on your true E. News story when you do it. Damn. When they do a documentary on you, that's gonna be the. That.

[Turner Sparks]

Remember, he's like, you ever try. And so I ended up moving. I graduated, end up moving to Atlanta, Georgia. I don't think I got on stage. I think it was like, I like how you move.

Because of that set of hate.

I'm out of here six years.

You walked out to your car, to.

The airport, and got a job in.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Atlanta, drove to atl.

[Turner Sparks]

You're like, burn my clothes. I don't need them. I'll buy new ones in Atlanta.

Get this off of me, right, bro? I six, seven months later, I'm in Atlanta, Georgia, and I remember I was like, maybe I could try stand up one more time.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's why.

[Turner Sparks]

And I went, I wish I would have started early.

Oh, yeah.

And that's why I have my tape. It's still on YouTube. People don't know this cuz I went by. I had a stage name when I first started.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's such a black thing to do.

[Turner Sparks]

Cuz that's what I thought, you know.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That'S what, that's what you do. And hey, he was up there going, hamburger.

[Turner Sparks]

Not only would I have a stage name, it was on my license plate of my O2 Cadillac Deville. I got pulled over once a week. They thought I was pimping or selling coke.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Right.

[Turner Sparks]

But my, I went by Philly G.

[Vanessa Jackson]

When I heard Philly G. Why did G, though?

[Turner Sparks]

My name is Philip Gentry.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Gentry, that's right, Gentry G. And it.

[Turner Sparks]

Was on my license plate too.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Philly G. Philly G. That's, that's not really a. It's not stage name, but it's.

[Turner Sparks]

My boy said he's like, it sounds like a Soundcloud rapper, right? It does comedy. Yeah. And so once I moved to New York, I remember I was like, like Philly G and Amy the Booger Time, she was like, I'm not calling you that. Wow. Hating, hating. Hey.

But then they let Phil from Chico go by Phil from Chico.

So I went by Philip Duckett. And, And I did that for like the first couple weeks. And somebody was like, it's too many syllables, though. Like, you don't. It's Philip Duck. He's like, Phil Duckett has a ring to it. It rolls off tone. Phil Duckett.

Yeah.

And so I got you Phil Ducket.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. You should redo your, your special and just add that, the backstory to it.

[Turner Sparks]

Right.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That would be fire for Philly G. Yeah. From Philly G. And you get all the people who was there from the beginning.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

And then we just producing comedy specials. That's what you get. Patreon.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my Next one. You hear the breakdown of how it started.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Were you, Are you, Did you have stage fright? Did you have stage fright your first time?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, and I was, I don't remember doing it. I was on stage for 10 minutes. I did relatively well.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Your first time?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, it was.

[Vanessa Jackson]

See, that's that white privilege.

[Turner Sparks]

No, no, no one gave me anything. I, I. You blew the light open mic. Oh, yeah.

China.

There was nowhere I was in China. There was nowhere to stand up in the whole country. So I started an open mic at a bar and begged my friends to do it with me. So all four. It was four of us. We did 10 minutes each. None of us had ever done anything, ever.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Wow.

[Turner Sparks]

We didn't know what you're supposed to do or not do. We even have a light? We didn't know about lights existed. Yeah, we just go down. You're done. Go. You're done. It was all our friends in the audience. So we all did well, kind of in that. Like, they're laughing at you. Like, this is insane. Everyone was drunk. So I did well, I have no. I have video of it, but I don't remember being on stage. So nervous. And then that was good. And then I bombed for six months after that.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's fire. Did you do. Were you doing in. In Mandarin or another language? In English.

[Turner Sparks]

It was like, you know, like British people expats.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. Yeah, that's fine.

[Turner Sparks]

I have a story from that Gotham, the thing you did. I mean, I don't know. Probably not the exact same one, but in 2015, I visited New York to see if I wanted to move here. I've been doing comedy, like, five years at that point. And I lined up maybe five shows in a week. And one of them, somebody got me a guest spot on a graduation show.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's Fire.

[Turner Sparks]

And those are the hottest.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Those are the best shows because those people are there to laugh. They're so excited.

[Turner Sparks]

I got seven minutes. I'm five years into comedy. Yeah. So I crush. Right? And then I go to the subway. And that whole thing, when you walk outside, you're a nobody.

[Vanessa Jackson]

No.

[Turner Sparks]

So, yeah, and I go outside. We go down to the subway. We get on the subway. Some guy on the subway goes, I just saw you at Gotham. You were awesome.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, that's like.

[Turner Sparks]

They go, he's a comedian.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That is so.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm like, I'm moving here.

And then we moved here. We moved here a year later, and I barked at the lantern for 13.

You like throwing your arms up in the air. You're gone. Make it after.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's a Mentos commercial.

[Turner Sparks]

I've never been recognized since. Ever.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, my God, dude.

[Turner Sparks]

That'll have you thinking that. That'll really have you thinking like that too. Like, oh, my God, I'm a star.

Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

How good I was.

Next six years. I barked at the lantern is such a reality check.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's how everybody start is Definitely barked.

[Turner Sparks]

At the lantern for some time.

Yeah, man.

[Vanessa Jackson]

See, I did, I did. I was a rapper back in the day.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Vanessa Jackson]

So this on. Being on stage was like nothing. So getting on stage but being funny was something completely different. That was very, very difficult because our.

[Turner Sparks]

For our 500. When we hit 500, we're gonna.

We're going to the studio, drop a track.

Yeah, you gotta help me write.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, let's do that.

[Turner Sparks]

I was like, turner, I don't. I don't see. I said, you're going to need a ghost rider.

The only my favorite song is the Super Bowl Shuffle. They call me sweetness.

And I like today I'm like, I'm not going to be able to do nothing with that. I'm going to be over here mad as hell.

Like what the rushing the ball.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's fire. That's fire. You should do that.

[Turner Sparks]

Like he might be on.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, he's got some will you per.

[Turner Sparks]

But I'm the refringer.

Oh God.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Ass.

[Turner Sparks]

I was thinking more of a big tick of the basement type of flow. And he comes out with basketball. So.

Sorry I cut you off. What were you saying? So more scared rapping on stage or doing.

[Vanessa Jackson]

No, it was just being on stage was. Was okay. I wasn't, I wasn't scared or anything like that. I mean you get anxiety before every show because that just means that you care and you want it to go well. But in terms of actually being on stage, I didn't, I didn't get scared at all.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. All right, we got one bonus question, then we'll get out of here. One bonus question from. For the Patreon subscribers, Chris from Derby, New York. Chris says hi, I'm a white guy who works in an all black office. I like my co workers, but the entire day they are blasting hip hop music. I like hip hop, but it's very hard for me to concentrate. Can I ask them to turn it down or can I ask if I can move my desk to the. Or should I ask if I can move my desk to the other side of the building?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Now if you move your desk, they gonna know. It's better that you just sit up.

[Turner Sparks]

In there with the.

Just take it.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Well, first of all, I don't like hip hop music being played at my establishment either.

[Turner Sparks]

While you're trying to work?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, I don't like that shit.

[Turner Sparks]

You mean at your business or at your job?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Both.

[Turner Sparks]

You don't like why you feel like they looking at you, they doing it for you?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Cause I don't want to be singing in the middle of where I'm not Supposed to be singing.

[Turner Sparks]

You just naturally start rapping.

[Vanessa Jackson]

No, but I, I, yeah, we play classical music and like Frank Sinatra at the shop. Yeah, I don't like that shit. So we play different kind of music. But yeah, if, if you just up and move, they gonna know. They gonna be like, oh, this motherfucker don't like us. He keep two white.

[Turner Sparks]

So now he cuts it up even louder. So you gotta hear it from where you at. Move away now, bitch.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, that's right.

[Turner Sparks]

What about you? What about headphones? Would that also be an aggressive act.

If you handed him some headphones?

No, no. If you just put in your own headphones.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, if you put in your own headphones. I mean, that's. No, you just be like, that's, that's very passive aggressive.

[Turner Sparks]

Passive aggressive?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, very passive aggressive. Like, just tell them, is it Chris?

[Turner Sparks]

It is Chris.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Chris, Chris. Just go to him, be like, yo, son, you can't be doing that shit here. Like, take that hip hop bebop shit somewhere else.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, take that old jigaboo music on somewh.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Why don't you, why don't you just go be athletic somewhere else?

[Turner Sparks]

Step one, learn kung fu. Then do that right.

You definitely don't need something Jiu Jitsu.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Wanna ground and pound Krav Magrav some stupid like that.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, brother Mike, turn that down a bit.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, my goodness.

[Turner Sparks]

Are you ready? All the shows you've done, you write sketches on.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

Is it all over the place?

[Phil Duckett]

What'd you say?

[Turner Sparks]

You write sketches? You've written sketches?

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, yes, yes.

[Turner Sparks]

Just how many shows? Like a ton.

[Phil Duckett]

Three, technically. And then I was a writing apprentice on Colbert.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that how you got it?

What is a writing apprentice? Yeah, it's like an intern.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, no, it was like an imaginary program that. No, it was good. So basically what they did was they brought on two people every year to teach them, like, the ins and outs of, like, how a late night show works. But I just wanted to be a comedy writer. So at the time where they were gonna rotate me out of, like, the comedy writing department, I was like, I think I'm just gonna stay, and then they'll just let me sit with the writers for like nine months.

[Turner Sparks]

Pretty cool.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, it's cool. Colorado Christian University.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Really big Ivy League school. And could you imagine Colorado Christian?

[Turner Sparks]

Is that, where is that Colorado?

[Phil Duckett]

Denver.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm asking the city.

[Phil Duckett]

That was awesome. Colorado. You said it like you really didn't know. You're like, colorado notes in Denver.

[Turner Sparks]

Stick with me.

[Phil Duckett]

Which I like. Have you guys done.

[Turner Sparks]

Have you done Comedy Works? No, no. I watch one of the greatest rooms ever.

I've heard that.

But Ricky said he's gonna do his next special there. But I was like, I've always wanted to. Everybody.

Ricky. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I do work with him some on some other stuff, but everybody that's been there, they're like, phil, Comedy Works is a dope room.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what I've heard. I've heard it's just like a kill box.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, that and I'll do comedy on State. I hear that classical. They're like, younger.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I do well with young.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Because I talk that.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

But I've always wanted to do those two.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, those sound really fun. I haven't done either, but it would be really funny. I'm always nervous. Sometimes when people hype up rooms too much, I'm like, I'm gonna go there and be like, so this was the worst set of my life.

[Turner Sparks]

And normally.

Yeah, normally these people are great.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Four comedians that I respect.

[Phil Duckett]

They're both.

[Turner Sparks]

They're like, nah, you gotta get there.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Every person I've talked to says that it's like. Like a kill box. Yeah, every single one. So I'm like, it must be great.

[Turner Sparks]

Did you start. So you didn't start in Denver or you did?

[Phil Duckett]

No, I started in LA for, like, a little second. Yeah. Nobody should start in la. Yeah, it was weird. I mean, I wouldn't have done in comedy if it wasn't for la.

[Turner Sparks]

But the cream rises to the top in la because there's a lot of.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that's true. I was only there doing it for, like, maybe six months, and then I pivoted to, like, sketch. Because my thing with LA is like. So if you're kind of already established as, like, a name, whatever, you can obviously get into, like, the clubs and stuff. Otherwise, it's just like the underground rooms. But the thing is, it was all just like. It was people whose agents and managers were like, this is the last chance. Yeah, yeah. Or it was like, you've seen this.

[Turner Sparks]

Next comedian on CSI Miami 100. I remember following people like that.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes. Or it was just like men in their 70s who were like, this is my 18th year in comedy, kid. And you're like, oh, no, I remember.

[Turner Sparks]

So performing in la. This is in North Hollywood, I think. And it was like, you know, like an open mic.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Early on. And this guy goes up. You might even know this guy. And he goes, he was a gay kind of, like, flamboyant older God. And he goes, I just want to say Today I'm celebrating 45 years of open mics. And the crowd was like.

I would have never clapped. I would have never clapped. 45 years of open mic.

He was like all kind of a crazy.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Why are you still doing this to yourself?

That's what everybody was like. He's everybody. It's just complex comics, you know, and everyone's like, in their head, that better not be me.

Yeah, well, that's the worst case scenario.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes. Well, that's the thing about comedy is you get people like that and you're just like, number one. How do you keep doing this with, like, sitting open mics make you want to end your life. You're like, yeah, how are you?

[Turner Sparks]

And they're things people don't realize. Open mics are terrible in New York City.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

You go to open mic in Birmingham, Alabama, it's like, holy.

Oh. The one I started at was amazing. Like 50 people come watch.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what I've heard. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Different.

No, no. But I think other, smaller cities around America have a similar thing.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I heard that.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, well, okay.

Certain cities.

I started comedy in Atlanta, but I was a. That's when I started comedy. It was. I never planned on being a comedian. It was a hobby.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, really?

[Turner Sparks]

I mean, like, it was like I. I had done it once I got dared to do it the first time, I was awful. Then I moved to Atlanta after college and I started working, and I kind of had the bug because I was like, like. Well, they said I was kind of. Okay. So I started doing mics, and then I ended up. But it was like once every one to two months. I wasn't even, like, really on the grind. Then I went to grad school in Ohio, and I would go to go bananas in Cincinnati.

Was it a good old mic, buddy?

Because it's the. It's the. It's one show a month.

Exactly.

So it's 70 to 90 to 100 people. And they're all. It's a bringer. All their friends are like, yo, I'm going up tonight. So it's a show.

Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? And so that was what it. So. So, you know, I mean, it was a different feel. And I'm like, damn, I'm not that bad. You know? I mean, so, yeah, it was a different New York. Major city. Open mics suck. Because these people are like the people who can't get on at even the bar shows.

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

100 and you got to quickly figure out how to get through.

[Turner Sparks]

And they're trying to figure out how to use in a joke because they want to say it. And you're like, I'm gonna kill myself. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Truly.

[Turner Sparks]

No one's giving them cards.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. No one's giving them cards. There will be no inward passes. Turner.

[Phil Duckett]

100.

[Turner Sparks]

But it is.

[Phil Duckett]

But sometimes you just see people who. You're like, I just needed someone to listen to you.

[Turner Sparks]

I think you needed a therapist.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. 100. You're like, 100.

[Turner Sparks]

Get a job.

[Phil Duckett]

Get a therapist.

[Turner Sparks]

I think you'll be fine. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You'll be okay.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. That's the difference in New, like, dude, New York. And also, it doesn't. It doesn't help that because, like you said, in those smaller towns, it's a show. So the open MIC is at 8pm on a Thursday. New York is at 3pm on.

Oh, my God.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, exactly.

[Turner Sparks]

First of all, what are y'all doing for work?

[Phil Duckett]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, why is everybody here? What's going on?

[Turner Sparks]

So y'all do nothing.

[Phil Duckett]

Nothing.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You're like, what are we doing with our time?

[Turner Sparks]

And also in the smaller towns, audiences are not jaded by comedy.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, in New York City, everybody, you tell someone you're a comedian, they go, oh, Phil. And my, like. But not Phil. Bob. At the. An accounting.

Yes.

Comedian. But that means he's done, like, three bringer things.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And so they think that's what you are.

Right.

But in a small town, you're like, you're a comedian. They're like, I've never met a comedian.

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes. They're like, that's crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, we'll come. We'll support.

Support.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes. 100% New York.

[Turner Sparks]

So were you six months in LA and then straight to here?

[Phil Duckett]

Yes. Yeah. Oh, no, sorry. I lived in LA for three years.

[Turner Sparks]

So much.

[Phil Duckett]

And then. Yeah. And then I started comedy. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

So I was. Yeah. After I started comedy, it's probably six months, Then I, like, moved to here.

[Turner Sparks]

And then how was it popping out of, like, open mics to shows? I guess. You did that in New York?

[Phil Duckett]

Yes. Yeah. I had no plans of doing comedy initially. That's why I discovered in la. And then I was like, oh, okay, New York is, like, the best place to do it.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And then. Yeah. I think I just quickly was like, I gotta figure out a strategy because I don't want to be the person who's here for 45 years. Like, I just physically cannot be that guy. Open mics are just. They Are painful.

[Turner Sparks]

I would rather jump out a window and get my eyelid caught on a nail and sit through an open mic.

[Phil Duckett]

100%, yes. So, yeah, it was one of those things where I went to so many just to try to get a good set as quickly as possible. So I was like, you want to.

[Turner Sparks]

Hear about a bad open mic in New York City? Since his Patreon. Don't ever go to a Laughing Buddha. Goddamn. It is a scam. It is a scam. You pay. Not only you got to pay, you got to buy beer. And then there's no guarantee you're gonna get up as a comedian.

You have to pay on stage.

You're gonna pay on stage. They pay, then you. They make you pay them to go on stage. It's a joke, dude. I spent. I started there six.

Six dollars to buy the.

Then you gotta get a drink, and then you gotta tip the bartender. It's 14. Buddy. Buddy for five minutes. I moved to New York City in 2016. I had twelve hundred dollars in my bank account. Account. And I was like, I'm gonna be a comedian. And I started going to laughing Buddha. That 1200 lasted me two and a half weeks.

[Phil Duckett]

Right.

[Turner Sparks]

I tell you what, I was out here damn near sucking dick.

[Phil Duckett]

But, you know, but everybody was doing laughing because I always say laughing, but it was like the Starbucks of Mike.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Because it was like, you knew that there was like, one at three, one at five, one at seven. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Schedule. And you're like, this is real common.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes. And people will be there.

[Turner Sparks]

And then you start doing it. Yeah. And you're like, this is not right. And then you start finding free open mics with better comedians. You're like, so what the.

[Phil Duckett]

That's the thing with better.

[Turner Sparks]

And then they. Not only was it like, then they start hitting you like, you should take our laugh and Buddha comedian class. And I don't want to offend anybody by saying this if they're in the room, but if you have to take a class to be a comedian, you're not a comedian. All right? I'm gonna say that right now. Comedy comes naturally. You learn how to write a joke. Those classes are scams, all right? I just want you to know that you're not very good. I took a class.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I started with a class, Damn it.

[Turner Sparks]

I just said I don't want to offend anybody. I've always felt. Because here's the thing. But you. Half the people in the room, you guys are naturally funny people.

[Phil Duckett]

No, I do agree with you, though, because this Is what I always say. I heard Andrew Schultz say this one time, which is like, I think comedy can be honed but not learned. And I think it was very clear in that class that like, yeah, you either have an ear for it or you didn't. Like, I had no concept of like where to go for open mics, things like that. And it was like an all women's comedy class, which helped. But yeah, I think a lot of times I remember one of my favorite. I still laugh out this to this day was there was a woman in that class, bless her soul, she was a much older woman.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh boy.

[Phil Duckett]

Had never really done any comedy, but was like an old kind of actress type. And she told this like, really. The teacher had us just tell a story and then we were all gonna go through and give like, oh, this was funny. Or give laugh line. She told this really dramatic story of like being beat by her ex boyfriend in front of her son, like on the Las Vegas strip, like just like. And she kept trying to laugh, thinking like, isn't this hilarious? Yeah, like she was like, there I was topless in front of my 11 year old son as he's beating me and whatever. And she was trying to like laugh, to give like laugh lines, everybody. And then she like stops the story and was like looking at us all to get feedback. And the teacher, the teacher goes, and I'll never forget because I had to stop myself in the laugh. And she goes, there was nothing funny about that.

[Turner Sparks]

That's the worst part.

I would have cackled. I would have cackled and then just.

[Phil Duckett]

Moved on to the next person. Like, didn't even let us all get.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh no, have cackled. So I was like, do you know.

What that lady's thinking? I. Yes, she's thinking, so I got beat by my husband on the Las Vegas strip for nothing.

[Phil Duckett]

Literally. That's literally what the vibe was sitting there.

[Turner Sparks]

She was like, I guess y'all don't like dark humor.

[Phil Duckett]

She really thought, she thought like, oh, and they'll help me make this funny. And she goes, there was so.

[Turner Sparks]

He knocked out all my teeth.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, we all were sitting there just like, like, oh my God.

[Turner Sparks]

Flabbergasted.

[Phil Duckett]

Like this insane story.

[Turner Sparks]

Polite.

[Phil Duckett]

And at least be like, cuz it was such a dark story. The teacher was like, yeah, no, you need to get. I think she wanted her to know. You need to get like some help with that.

[Turner Sparks]

Uncomfortable. I laugh. Yeah, like when I get really. I start getting. So somebody's bombing. I start laughing cuz I'm like, oh.

[Phil Duckett]

When I tell you my eyes were almost like tearing. I was trying to pretend that it was because of the story. I was, I was biting my lips.

[Turner Sparks]

Crack up when she said, there's nothing funny about.

[Phil Duckett]

I was biting my lip because that's what I do when I'm trying. I was just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, just trying so hard not to.

[Turner Sparks]

Hurt at the end.

She should have went, you know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

[Phil Duckett]

There we go. This is a five minute story with one tag. That's incredible.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my gosh. All right, we got one bonus question. We should get to it.

We ain't done the bonus.

We haven't. We, we don't have. We can skip it.

It's frankly, pay for a question. Give him a question.

All right, I don't even totally understand this one, so whatever. We'll see. This is from Tish in Queens. She says, I'm a black woman. I love the show white people. What does that fake smile mean when you walk by a black person and make eye contact?

Oh, you calling the police?

[Phil Duckett]

You call the cops.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Hi.

[Turner Sparks]

Hi. She's stealing.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I ask a question? Cuz I, I, I do fake smile to everybody. Just do black people not do a fake smile like that? Uncomfortable, like, hey, if I ain't feeling.

A smile, you don't get no smile. The.

[Phil Duckett]

That was aggressive. Yeah. He's like, wait a second.

[Turner Sparks]

The I'm smiling for. Do I know you? Why would I smile?

So if you're standing in an elevator and there's no one New York.

Because where I'm from, if I'm standing in the elevator, I'm from the south. I'm in the elevator. I say, hey, what's up?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, if I'm on the sidewalk with somebody, I'm saying, hey, how you doing? We speak to everybody. Only until I moved to New York and got assimilated, where I learned only people with mental illness speak. So if you're smiling. Me, you don't know me. I think you're insane. What the Are you smiling?

[Phil Duckett]

What about you?

[Turner Sparks]

You make eye contact with somebody, like, and then just nothing just blanks down.

No, I give them.

Your mouth doesn't move at all.

I give him the black man head nod.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, yeah. Well, I guess maybe I'll probably do like a little.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I'll do like a smile.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, No, I do, I do like that.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

If it's a white dude. If it's a black dude, we don't talk. I do like that. What up?

Yeah.

If it's a white dumb, I give him a head. Not like.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah, but that's the same thing.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, h. Why would I be that?

[Phil Duckett]

No, no.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

How you doing?

[Turner Sparks]

Hello.

I do a smart. There's like a. One of those.

See, now I think you're being funny.

I mean, I do it for a living.

[Phil Duckett]

No, I think you're being funny.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, you give me that fake ass smile. What you got to say?

Yeah, it's a fake smile. That is what it is.

Yeah. I don't like a fake smile. Be real. Give me a real. Give me a real smile or don't smile.

Nah, I don't got a fit. I got a real smile in me all the time.

So they don't smile.

Sometimes all I got is a fake smile.

[Phil Duckett]

That's fair. Same fake smile.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Hey, I feel like I look creepy.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah. Hi.

[Turner Sparks]

Like that movie smile.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Anyway, that was one of the scariest I've seen a long time. They just came out to smile, too. I haven't watched it because the first one was so scary.

[Phil Duckett]

This one freaked me out, dude.

[Turner Sparks]

The first one was no resolution.

[Phil Duckett]

Really. It was just like, there's nothing.

[Turner Sparks]

Now that my family left me, I can't watch that by myself. So, you know. Oh, no, it's Patreon. They pay for the real.

Oh, the family part.

Yeah. I would never say that on the regular show, but now that my family left your fam.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. I have court this week. File for joint custody. Baby mama left. Took the baby. Oh, no.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Okay, see, that's fake.

[Phil Duckett]

It wasn't fake. It was just like, I probably shouldn't get into your business.

[Turner Sparks]

We're gonna get Tish paper.

[Phil Duckett]

Camera was like, I like this pot. And then it got sad. And then it got really sad.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, listen. Life be life, and life be life.

And the show's going well.

Show's going well. We. We're up to a thousand streams a week. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

22 episodes. A thousand streams a week.

[Phil Duckett]

That is actually.

[Turner Sparks]

We're in the top 5% of podcast.

[Phil Duckett]

That's awesome.

[Turner Sparks]

Told you.

[Phil Duckett]

Did you make that sad?

[Turner Sparks]

No, 4. 4,000. 4,000 a week. Put you in the first 1%.

[Phil Duckett]

That's awesome.

[Turner Sparks]

Top 1%.

[Phil Duckett]

That actually. That's crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

1%.

That's what you said. You said 4,000.

Oh, 4,000 a week.

Get you top 1%.

[Phil Duckett]

That's awesome.

[Turner Sparks]

5. 1,000 a week gets you the top 5%.

Yeah. 1%. We're in the top five already.

We're already in the top.

So.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay, yeah, yeah, we're going for that top five.

[Turner Sparks]

Because it's most. Because most podcasts are like that 45 year open mic comic where like three people listen.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, yeah, I was telling you. Or they never make it. That's like the. Where you start the Instagram page and then you never post on it.

[Turner Sparks]

And that's what they said. She was like. She was like. She was like most people. Yeah. Don't get past episode 22.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that's pretty.

[Turner Sparks]

I was like, no. Every week almost at a half a year.

[Phil Duckett]

That's awesome.

[Turner Sparks]

We started when I Wolf.

There's 50. How many weeks in here?

53. 52.

52. What's half of that? 26.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah, it's coming up.

[Turner Sparks]

This is pro. This is episode 24. I think we're recording right now.

We're almost in a half a year.

[Phil Duckett]

That's awesome.

[Turner Sparks]

I think. I think by the time we get to a full year, I think we'll be at 2000.

My goal is 2500 by the end of the year.

I'll take either 12500.

That'll beat the peak of my last podcast.

2500 was your last podcast.

I peaked at.

Well, I'll listen to a couple of those episodes. We should beat that.

We mostly talked about Greta Thumb break.

Yeah, you turn.

[Phil Duckett]

We really got to the bottom of that.

[Turner Sparks]

We did. I'm glad she's from Sacramento.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Now I got to get it right at trivia night.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

That's the episode, everybody.

I'll be black.

Thank you very much. Check out Vanessa Jackson if you've got.

[Joe the Muscle Russell]

A question but you're scared to ask.

[Phil Duckett]

Just drop the boys a message? Cause they're up to the task?

[Turner Sparks]

They're all in the dice? They ain't always nice but you can't be twice again.

[Phil Duckett]

Black and white advice.

[Turner Sparks]

Black and white advice. When your company earns unlimited 2% cash back on all purchases with Capital One, that's serious business. So Stephen at Sandcloud got a serious business card, the Spark Cash plus card from Capital One.

We used our 2% cash back to help build our retail presence.

Savage Steven.

And we get big purchasing power so our business can spend more and earn more.

The SparkCashPlus card from Capital One. What's in your wallet?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Terms and conditions apply.

[Turner Sparks]

Find out [e-mail] sparkcashplus.