Shaun Murphy & "Why Do White Guys Love Flip Flops?"

Summary

Black and White Advice Podcast Episode: Shaun Murphy & "Why Do White Guys Love Flip Flops?"
Hosts: Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett
Release Date: June 3, 2025

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Introduction to the Episode

The episode kicks off with Turner Sparks enthusiastically introducing the guest, Shaun Murphy—a stand-up comedian preparing to record a new special at the Comedy Cellar in New York City on August 10th. Sparks and Duckett briefly mention their recent live podcast recording, highlighting their commitment to producing more live content for their audience.

Turner Sparks [00:00]: "Shaun Murphy, is hilarious. You're gonna love him."

Gym Class Anecdotes and Cultural Reflections

A significant portion of the episode delves into nostalgic and somewhat controversial memories from gym classes, particularly focusing on the practice of swimming naked—a topic that sparks both humor and discomfort among the hosts. This segues into a broader discussion about generational differences and evolving social norms.

Phil Duckett [07:06]: "Joe told us a very disheartening tale weeks ago that his father went to high school in Buffalo. And back in PE Class, when they would have swimming, they did it naked."

The conversation expands to compare past and present attitudes towards such practices, reflecting on how societal perceptions have shifted over the decades.

Representation in Media

The hosts engage in a lively debate about the portrayal of different racial groups in media, particularly focusing on the stereotypical depiction of criminals in commercials. They discuss the historical context of these portrayals and their impact on societal perceptions.

Phil Duckett [18:17]: "Because there was a time it was called the 90s, when the robber was always black and the drug dealer was always black. And it got to a point, it's like, you do know. We do other shit."

Turner Sparks [20:22]: "40 more years of white criminals. Exclusively breaking into your home."

This segment highlights the hosts' insights into how media representations can reinforce racial stereotypes and the importance of diversifying these portrayals to reflect real-life diversity.

Humorous Observations on Behavior: The Flip-Flop Phenomenon

A central theme of the episode revolves around the quirky habit of some white men putting their bare feet on car dashboards, sparking a humorous yet critical discussion. The hosts explore possible reasons behind this behavior, blending humor with sociocultural commentary.

Phil Duckett [26:44]: "To the question before we get in that we'll get to that. I think people that wear flip flops in New York City are animals."

Turner Sparks [27:44]: "You can't always afford [a vacation]. So the closest you can get when you put your feet up and they're sticking out the window and somebody's driving your best girls driving the car is so ridiculous."

This light-hearted debate underscores the differences in cultural norms and personal habits, using humor to bridge conversations about race and behavior.

Upcoming Comedy Specials and Patreon Exclusives

The conversation shifts to upcoming projects, with Shaun Murphy discussing his new comedy special. The hosts tease behind-the-scenes stories and exclusive content available to Patreon subscribers, encouraging listeners to support the show for additional insights and bonus material.

Turner Sparks [16:00]: "So you're filming a comedy special very soon?"

Phil Duckett [17:25]: "We got one more question for Patreon coming after the break."

Q&A Segment: Addressing Listener Questions

Moving into the interactive portion of the episode, Turner and Phil address listener-submitted questions. The first question from George in Fort Lauderdale critiques the stereotypical depiction of white men as burglars in commercials, questioning if this trend displaces opportunities for actors of other racial backgrounds.

George [17:50]: "Whenever there are burglar alarm commercials on TV, the criminal is always a white guy. Is this taking jobs away from black, Asian, and Latino actors?"

The hosts dissect this concern, discussing the balance between maintaining traditional stereotypes and ensuring diverse representation in media.

Fact Check Segment: Assessing the Realities

In their signature "Black and White Truths" segment, the hosts bring in Joe Russell to fact-check the claims discussed during the episode. This segment emphasizes the importance of understanding the real-world implications of seemingly trivial behaviors, such as placing feet on car dashboards.

Joe Russell [32:30]: "They're designed to deploy at a high speed... leading to serious injuries like fractures, dislocations, and other trauma."

This practical advice underscores the potential dangers of the habits discussed, blending factual information with the show’s humorous tone.

Conclusion and Final Remarks

The episode wraps up with a recap of the discussions and a nod to future content available on Patreon. The hosts reiterate their commitment to addressing challenging questions about race with honesty and humor, inviting listeners to engage and support the podcast for more in-depth conversations.

Phil Duckett [33:06]: "Stay black."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Turner Sparks [00:00]: "Shaun Murphy, is hilarious. You're gonna love him."
• Phil Duckett [07:06]: "Joe told us a very disheartening tale weeks ago that his father went to high school in Buffalo. And back in PE Class, when they would have swimming, they did it naked."
• Phil Duckett [18:17]: "Because there was a time it was called the 90s, when the robber was always black and the drug dealer was always black."
• Turner Sparks [20:22]: "40 more years of white criminals. Exclusively breaking into your home."
• Phil Duckett [26:44]: "I think people that wear flip flops in New York City are animals."
• Joe Russell [32:30]: "They're designed to deploy at a high speed... leading to serious injuries like fractures, dislocations, and other trauma."
• Phil Duckett [33:06]: "Stay black."

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Key Takeaways

1. Nostalgia and Changing Norms: The hosts explore how past behaviors and societal norms, such as gym class practices, are viewed through a modern lens, highlighting shifts in cultural acceptance.

2. Media Representation: A critical examination of racial stereotypes in media serves as a cornerstone for understanding broader societal implications and the need for more accurate and diverse portrayals.

3. Humor as a Bridge: Through humorous discussions about everyday behaviors like wearing flip flops or placing feet on dashboards, the hosts engage listeners in deeper conversations about race and cultural differences.

4. Engagement and Community: The emphasis on Patreon-exclusive content underscores the podcast’s dedication to building a community where more candid and in-depth discussions can take place.

5. Safety and Awareness: The fact-check segment provides practical advice, reminding listeners of the real-world consequences of seemingly harmless habits.

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Note: This summary captures the essence of the episode based on the provided transcript, focusing on the interplay between humor and serious discussions about race and cultural behaviors. The inclusion of notable quotes with timestamps ensures key moments are highlighted, offering readers a comprehensive overview even if they haven't listened to the episode.

Transcript

[Turner Sparks]

What's up, everybody? Before we get going, just want to let you know today's guest, Sean Murphy, is hilarious. You're gonna love him. And he's recording a new comedy special at the Comedy Cellar in New York City on August 10th. The shows. That is a Sunday night. The shows are at 3pm and 5pm get your tickets to that. Also, Phil Duckett and I, we did our live pod a couple weeks ago. It was absolutely fantastic. We're now recording this. I'm recording this after the fact, so I can tell you it was a blast. We're going to keep doing more of them. Thank you to everyone who came out and everyone who was not there. Patreon.com blackand white advice. You can go there right now. And the entire video of the question and answer segment at the end of the show is up. So for five bucks, you can go watch the whole thing from the New York Comedy Club, which we recorded about 10 days ago. That's it. Let's get to the show.

[Phil Duckett]

Have you ever had a question you wanted to ask the opposite race but you were too nervous to ask?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

And this is black and white advice.

[Phil Duckett]

But we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones.

[Turner Sparks]

This is black and white advice.

[Sean Murphy]

You've got a question but you're scared to ask. Just drop the boys a message. Cause they're up to the task.

[Phil Duckett]

They're rolling the dice.

[Sean Murphy]

They ain't always nice. But you can't think twice when giving like your advice. Black and white.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, everybody, welcome to the show. My Name's Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

Mr. Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

We got behind the glass spinning the dial, switching the knobs on the ones and twos, the threes and fours. Joe the muscle Russell making it all happen. Joe, how you doing?

[Joe Russell]

Actually, it's Peter Griffin.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Phil Duckett]

Better than your last couple.

[Turner Sparks]

Was that the whole impression, though?

[Joe Russell]

Guys, I'm running out of impressions.

[Phil Duckett]

Nobody asked you to do this, Joe.

[Turner Sparks]

You can recycle.

[Phil Duckett]

Or you could just be Joe. We've never required this of you.

[Turner Sparks]

He opens with an impression every week. The best so far I think have been Bill Cosby and Rush Limbaugh. Those are my two favorites.

[Phil Duckett]

Macho man wasn't bad.

[Turner Sparks]

Macho man was good. I forgot about Macho Man.

[Phil Duckett]

But yeah, let's not put that straight on Joe, all right? He's fighting for his life.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, I know. He's really stressed out about it. I could tell you guys. Patreon.com. black. Oh, no, I forgot my sponsor again.

[Peter Griffin]

I had.

[Phil Duckett]

Go ahead and do it on your own.

[Turner Sparks]

I do have a sponsor. I'm gonna have to.

[Phil Duckett]

God, you can do it later when I'm gone.

[Turner Sparks]

Because now that we're not making enough on Patreon. So I just went out and got my own sponsors, but just for me, not for the show.

[Peter Griffin]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

Michael Jackson has torn off from the Jackson 5. Now I'm sitting here.

[Turner Sparks]

I encourage everyone to go get their own sponsors.

[Peter Griffin]

Can do it. Do we get to know what it is?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, well, I had the box. It's. There's an Earwax company that's interested.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm so glad they didn't ask me to do that.

[Turner Sparks]

And it's called the Master Blaster.

[Joe Russell]

Oh, I thought you were gonna say they made Earwax.

[Turner Sparks]

No, they blasted out of your ear. They're a great company and they're paying me 27.

[Phil Duckett]

I guess a black man. They should have asked me to do that. The Master Blaster, that's just gangster killing masses.

[Peter Griffin]

He's got bigger ears, though.

[Turner Sparks]

It's like this guy. Yeah, that's where they came from. Me, it's target marketing.

[Phil Duckett]

Master Blaster.

[Turner Sparks]

They shoot this stuff into your ear. They're real. I love. You know, they're great people there. And $27.

[Phil Duckett]

They said they'd pay me every time you say Master Blaster.

[Turner Sparks]

No, I have to have the box. So I don't even think I get. This is a free one.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, that. I don't do nothing for free. So I'm waiting on Hennessy to reach out.

[Turner Sparks]

Anyway, they're great people on the show today. Patreon for everyone else. Patreon.com blackand White Advice on the show today. The voice you've already heard. That's the great Sean Murphy, standup comedian from Buffalo, New York, originally resident of New York City. Tours the world with Mark Norman, with Joe List, with a couple other people.

[Peter Griffin]

I'm never open for Joe List, but I'll tell. I'll pretend I look enough like Sam.

[Turner Sparks]

Morale. They're all the same person at this point. They've all melded into one podcast host.

[Phil Duckett]

You're from Buffalo.

[Peter Griffin]

How long.

[Phil Duckett]

How long did you live there? Your whole life?

[Peter Griffin]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So would you and Joe go to rival high schools?

[Turner Sparks]

This is what I wanted to. You know what I want to ask.

[Phil Duckett]

Joe's from Buffalo.

[Peter Griffin]

I didn't know that.

[Joe Russell]

Oh, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

What about your parents?

[Phil Duckett]

We'll get to that. What high school did you go to?

[Joe Russell]

North Tonawanda High School.

[Peter Griffin]

I went to St. Joe's Catholic.

[Turner Sparks]

Must be nice.

[Peter Griffin]

And then immediately our family couldn't afford the college. So I went public college.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, wow. That's the switcheroo. Most people would go, and you know what?

[Peter Griffin]

The right way to do it, because no. No college debt.

[Turner Sparks]

College. But you have high school debt.

[Peter Griffin]

Yeah, but, I mean, how about a.

[Turner Sparks]

Crippling high school debt?

[Phil Duckett]

Wait a minute. Public university still costs money.

[Peter Griffin]

It does.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, that's true.

[Peter Griffin]

It does. But it's way, way cheaper.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh. I was like, no debt. I'm like, you still owe something. Them books are like 600 a pop.

[Turner Sparks]

Buffalo State.

[Peter Griffin]

University of Buffalo UB.

[Phil Duckett]

You a bull.

[Peter Griffin]

You be. I'm a bull.

[Phil Duckett]

I went to grad school at Miami University. So we there in the max. So we played Miami of Ohio. Yeah, that's where I'm from.

[Turner Sparks]

Miami, Florida.

[Peter Griffin]

The real Miami.

[Phil Duckett]

Hey, it Before University of Miami. That's why we call ourselves the Real Miami.

[Turner Sparks]

You know that people would always ask me my entire life when I say I went to University of Miami, they go, which one? Like, people who want to sound smart. Yeah, I got the real one. What are you talking about?

[Phil Duckett]

No, the real one is Miami of Ohio, opened in 1809.

[Turner Sparks]

Let's take a poll.

[Phil Duckett]

Thank you.

[Turner Sparks]

Let's take a poll of the United States.

[Phil Duckett]

Until football was a thing, y' all were nobodies.

[Turner Sparks]

That is true.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Howard Schnellenberger turned it around.

[Peter Griffin]

Yeah, man, there was some good Mac football players.

[Phil Duckett]

Khalil Mack went to ub, motherfucker. Yeah. When I was at Miami, he played for. You know, because I remember going to watch him play.

[Turner Sparks]

Who was Shack of the Mac. Remember that basketball player they called the Shack of the Mac? It was like tractor trailer.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. He played at Bowling Green State University. I know exactly who you're talking about. Big dude. He was nice.

[Turner Sparks]

He was a great nickname.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. You know, but we. Miami, we had Wally Zerbiak, Ben Roethlisberger, Plies. I don't know, the rapper Plies played football at Miami. Yeah. We had Uncle Luke, and we have the cradle coaches. You know what I mean? Like, all the greatest coaches went to my play, coached at Miami. Well, Miami Ohio is the real deal. You know, we're called the Harvard of the Midwest.

[Turner Sparks]

Bill Duck coached at.

[Phil Duckett]

I coached university. I mean, I coached at my. I was the grad assistant. My dad was the football team. Basketball. Yeah. So back in the day, record. Oh, we were terrible. We got fired.

[Turner Sparks]

We got fired.

[Phil Duckett]

I literally left to move to New York 2016. They gave him one more Season. They fired him next year. I got out right in time. And my dad. My dad was associate coach. I was like. He was like, we're going to go let go.

[Turner Sparks]

I said, of course we're going to get let go.

[Phil Duckett]

They literally had their best season this past year in the last 25 years. They really one game away from the NCAA tour. They lost to Akron. Akron came back, won in the match.

[Peter Griffin]

You be women won the.

[Turner Sparks]

You women be shopping, women be playing basketball.

[Phil Duckett]

Women be women be hooping.

[Peter Griffin]

What's the one that's not the March Madness?

[Phil Duckett]

What's nit.

[Peter Griffin]

Nit. They won the nit this year.

[Turner Sparks]

Let me ask you something bad wasn't.

[Phil Duckett]

We have a debate that's been going on.

[Peter Griffin]

I love a good debate.

[Turner Sparks]

You're from Buffalo. This has been going on for multiple.

[Phil Duckett]

Episodes of the show. Joe told us a very disheartening tale weeks ago that his father went to high school in Buffalo. And back in PE Class, when they would have swimming, they did it naked.

[Peter Griffin]

Wow.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that. Is that. Have you heard that in Buffalo, did your parents swim naked, yes or no?

[Peter Griffin]

In gym class, I assume. No.

[Turner Sparks]

I. Wow. Really?

[Peter Griffin]

I mean, I don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

He's never asked them. But now you're about to open up a can of worms. Are your parents still with us?

[Peter Griffin]

Going to be a great Thanksgiving.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

So I know a guy from Buffalo. His dad's from Buffalo. He said that in gym class back in the day. Call them.

[Joe Russell]

Call your parents right now.

[Turner Sparks]

Call them on the air.

[Phil Duckett]

Did y' all swim naked? That's what you got to ask them in gym class.

[Turner Sparks]

So we did.

[Peter Griffin]

Had.

[Turner Sparks]

Matt Wayne was on the show a couple weeks ago and said his parents also swam naked in Iowa. In Iowa.

[Phil Duckett]

It was a. No, no, no.

[Turner Sparks]

One of our listeners wrote in and said their parents did in Iowa. Matt Wayne's from Buffalo.

[Peter Griffin]

Yes, correct.

[Turner Sparks]

So he said in Buffalo, his parents ra.

[Phil Duckett]

Your parents have a whole life.

[Turner Sparks]

So it's a rust belt in the. Across the rust Belt.

[Joe Russell]

And I don't know if it's girls. I know it's just the guys that.

[Phil Duckett]

Is even more terrifying. So they didn't even want to see the women. They just wanted to see little boy dicks.

[Turner Sparks]

Bizarre.

[Joe Russell]

High school, definitely middle school. I don't know about high school.

[Phil Duckett]

At the Definitely middle school. In high school, they put.

[Turner Sparks]

Ironically, you went to private school. Maybe they didn't. At the Catholic.

[Phil Duckett]

It was a Catholic.

[Peter Griffin]

It was. That's the 2000. This probably stopped happening in 1950.

[Joe Russell]

This is my.

[Turner Sparks]

How old do you think his parents.

[Joe Russell]

60S, 70s and earlier.

[Phil Duckett]

60 years old you were, we were in high school. The Great depression in the 2000s, that would have never happened.

[Peter Griffin]

My, my, my point is it wouldn't have happened by the, the 90s, the 80s.

[Turner Sparks]

But did your parents go to Catholic school as well?

[Peter Griffin]

I believe so.

[Phil Duckett]

So do you know your parents?

[Peter Griffin]

I'm trying to think of their names.

[Phil Duckett]

I want to say, he's like, I believe they went to Catholic school. That's amazing.

[Peter Griffin]

That is, Isn't it crazy to think of the things people used. Like that used to be okay. People used to say that to their friends and be like, oh yeah, we don't do that. But that's not crazy.

[Phil Duckett]

People were literally getting 15 year olds pregnant and marrying them and they were.

[Peter Griffin]

Like spoken on planes and stuff.

[Phil Duckett]

You know to this day I literally said that because you can still see the ashtrays and the less some of the plane like in the older planes.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh yeah. You're like, how old is this plane? I always wonder.

[Phil Duckett]

But the thing is I was alive. I mean I was born in 88. They said they outlawed smoking cigarettes on planes in 1990. 91.

[Turner Sparks]

It was that late?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, it was like 90, 99.

[Peter Griffin]

Well, it's crazy even to think like when I was a kid you could.

[Phil Duckett]

Smoke at restaurants and smoking and non smoking sections, like.

[Peter Griffin]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

But the fact, the fact that even in 91 you weren't smart enough to realize how smoke works. Like it travels through restaurants.

[Turner Sparks]

You can see it.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. It doesn't stop it. You just don't have it directly.

[Peter Griffin]

Is there something in your mind that you go, this is the thing that in 20 years people will be like, I can't believe we all did this.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, like right. What we're doing now, what we're doing.

[Peter Griffin]

Because there is something.

[Turner Sparks]

Of course.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, think about it like this phone. We already have it. Think about it like this little. I was, I was with some like talking to some kids recently and no, he was like, what was an ipod? Like, I was like, what?

[Turner Sparks]

Oh really?

[Phil Duckett]

And it really hit me. I was like, that actually is dead technology. You would never have an ipod. Now you're, yeah, you have an ipod. You have a phone. But the fact that he asked me what was it like? I'm like, they're like, and then you had a CD player too. I'm like, us, buddy. My parents fucking splurge bought me the non skip CD player I got. Throw that bitch up and still listen to the song. But that's crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

My dad had a six changer in his trunk.

[Phil Duckett]

That's pretty.

[Turner Sparks]

A CD6. But it was. It sounded like rich guy stuff. And then when in functional wise, it was the worst thing on earth because they. You'd have to stop the car and go change.

[Phil Duckett]

But even during that time, that was. You can. You can literally store six of them and play.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Peter Griffin]

I got one of those for my. For my bedroom in high school. And it's so funny to look back on because you changed the CDs. You're like, it's quicker if I just changed it myself. It was the most useless technology.

[Phil Duckett]

And it felt rich.

[Peter Griffin]

Oh, it felt.

[Turner Sparks]

It felt rich. Yeah. I like back to the. In the late 90s, didn't Seinfeld date like a high school kid?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that. She was, like, in high school my 11th grade, like, 97, 98 maybe.

[Turner Sparks]

So probably someone who was my age at the time.

[Phil Duckett]

Right.

[Turner Sparks]

I was like, we all knew that.

[Phil Duckett]

But here's the thing. It's so crazy because the outrage now, it's like, well, I don't know how you're gonna get somebody for 25, 30 years ago. Especially when I remember when we were in high school and there would be, like, the hottest chicks and like, oh, she only dates college guys.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

She was like 15 years old.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, and back then, he was just like, God, I wish I was a college.

[Peter Griffin]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You didn't even realize the level of pedophilia, because that's what it's called now, pedophilia. But it's like that was just what we accept is, like, she likes older men, and we never thought anything else. Like, they would literally be in their cars in the parking lot waiting for them after school. That's wild to think about now. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And also think of if there was a girl at your school who was dating, like, a famous comedian at the time.

[Joe Russell]

What time do you get out of school?

[Turner Sparks]

Oh.

[Joe Russell]

I'm gonna pick you up at.

[Peter Griffin]

My Porsche outside your school.

[Phil Duckett]

There he is. There he is. He has to warm up. See, we're putting him on the spot too early. We got to let him, like, organically get into it.

[Turner Sparks]

Why do they call him Gym Shorts? You're not.

[Peter Griffin]

He's been waiting all these episodes for pedophilia to come up, and finally I'm here. We bring it up. He's ready.

[Joe Russell]

What do they call him?

[Turner Sparks]

Gym Shorts.

[Joe Russell]

Is the guy's name Jim?

[Turner Sparks]

But that would have been. She would have been the popular girl in school. I remember, like, she was always a popular. Remember Cindy? She was dating Seinfeld.

[Joe Russell]

Cool.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that, like, you'd want to be friends with her.

[Peter Griffin]

So hopefully that's probably the good thing. We don't talk enough about. About phone, social media, Internet is like, it. It takes a couple people like this fucked up. And everyone's like, yeah, that is kind of fucked up. But when you're in a small group.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Peter Griffin]

You just think something's normal. You're like, yeah, we. We swim naked. Everyone does that.

[Turner Sparks]

Even 18. I remember a freshman year of college, my buddy was in school in San Francisco and said a girl in his dorm was dating Adam Duritz, the singer from Counting Crows, who was like late 30s at the time. And she was 18, which I get, you know, it's fine by law. But they all just thought she was the coolest person on earth. Literally no one thought. Everyone's like, we got to meet Adam Durr. He showed up to our frat party last week. How cool are we?

[Phil Duckett]

And now you're looking back. Like, even at my age of 36, I'm like, you go into a frat?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, freshman frat bar.

[Peter Griffin]

Well, it's so funny how that also only works that way. Like, there's never, you know, there's never a guy who's like, I'm dating Julia Louis Dream. Like, I don't want anything to do with this fucking 18, 16 year old loser.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, no, that's true. It's always the men. We creep it up for sure.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, it works. You were asking me. So we're on the. My. The floor of my building right now. Full disclosure, I know most of my neighbors. You were asking how I know my neighbors, because I think most people in New York don't know their neighbors. Is it true?

[Phil Duckett]

I don't care about my neighbors.

[Peter Griffin]

I don't.

[Turner Sparks]

So here's what I. I know what it is. That's why I want to save it for the air. My wife is a very friendly Asian person. Right. I think. I think being a Chinese woman who's super friendly, you. She just very easily meets every. Everyone around here. Everyone in the neighborhood, everyone knows her. She's somehow more memorable, I think, than just somehow a white guy.

[Phil Duckett]

She's a nice Chinese lady.

[Turner Sparks]

She's very nice. No, I'm giving her perfect English. Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

Very memorable.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Peter Griffin]

So you're saying she hits every demographic?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, everyone's. I think everyone's, like, open to meeting. She's like. She's like.

[Phil Duckett]

She's like, not racist because he's married.

[Peter Griffin]

She's like the Will Smith.

[Turner Sparks]

Most of them don't know who I am. Like, we'll meet people and they'll. Or she'll meet people, and sometimes I'll even be with them, and she'll go, it's my husband. And then two weeks later, I'll be. I'll be on the street, I'll say hi to him, and they'll be like, huh? They don't remember me. But then I'll see her if I'm with her. They're like, yay. Yay. How's it going?

[Phil Duckett]

So hurtful.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't mind.

[Phil Duckett]

You're not memorable.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm not. Not as memorable as my wife, but it's true love, you know?

[Peter Griffin]

So she's like. She's kind of like. Like the Rock, Will Smith. She hits every demographic. Everyone's like, we love this person.

[Turner Sparks]

Including Chris Rock.

[Peter Griffin]

Now, if only we had a Chris Rock impression.

[Joe Russell]

I love black people, but I hate.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Phil Duckett]

In unison, we all. When our. Oh, where's Joe going with this? I was like, is he going to finish the bit?

[Turner Sparks]

Is that Chris Rock or Rush Limbaugh back there?

[Phil Duckett]

Everybody. Everybody's hand was just over, like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Turner Sparks]

So you're filming a comedy special very soon?

[Peter Griffin]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

At the Comedy Cellar.

[Peter Griffin]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

I want to talk about. There's a story behind this that. But I want to save it for our Patreon.

[Peter Griffin]

Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

The backstory on where. Why you're doing it now. Okay. Because there's been attempts to do this in the past.

[Peter Griffin]

True. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And it's a whole debacle and. But it's more. I think it's a behind the scenes comedy.

[Peter Griffin]

Yeah. I don't want to smirch anyone on.

[Phil Duckett]

We can do research on Patreon so people have to pay attention.

[Peter Griffin]

That's the besmirching.

[Phil Duckett]

It's only a select few people.

[Turner Sparks]

That's exactly why I thought it was Patreon. The second you said besmirch, Phil realized why I wanted to save it. We besmirch everyone on Patreon.

[Peter Griffin]

That's exciting.

[Turner Sparks]

A couple weeks ago, we put names on Patreon.

[Phil Duckett]

Hey, if you pay for it, you can hear the fucking real convo.

[Turner Sparks]

Exactly. A couple of weeks ago, we put out on our main feed, like, a Patreon episode. Like, oh, this is what our Patreon sample of our Patreon thing. I was putting that episode together. There was almost nothing we could use because there's so much besmirching happening. I'm like, we can't use any of these clips. It's all Russ naming real names of people and the New York City comedy scene on the air.

[Peter Griffin]

That's great. I'm excited. You know what? Subscribe to the Patreon. You just got me. I'm in.

[Turner Sparks]

You haven't even told the story yet. All right, we'll be right back with your black and white device. Questions and answers, everybody. Hey, you want to get bonus content, early episodes and have your questions answered on the show?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, then subscribe to our [e-mail] blackandwhitedvice and subscribe right now.

[Turner Sparks]

Do it, and we'll give you a shout out on a future episode.

[Phil Duckett]

And I might call you the N word.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we're back. Question number one comes to us from George in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Sorry, I was trying to decide which one to start with. George in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. He says, white guy here. I want to.

[Peter Griffin]

That's how we introduce sex, you know?

[Phil Duckett]

He did both thumbs.

[Peter Griffin]

That's how I start every email.

[Phil Duckett]

I go, hey, white guy here, Sean Murphy.

[Peter Griffin]

I wonder if I could get a refund.

[Turner Sparks]

Howdy doody. White guy here. Yippity. Do you. White guy here. I want to know. Whenever there are burglar alarm commercials on tv, the criminal is always a white guy.

[Phil Duckett]

They know. Right. They know what to do.

[Turner Sparks]

He says, is this taking jobs away from black, Asian, and Latino actors?

[Phil Duckett]

That's. That is a insane.

[Turner Sparks]

George, the white guy, Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

[Phil Duckett]

White guy here.

[Turner Sparks]

He's just looking out for people.

[Phil Duckett]

Why isn't it more accurate to real life now? Because they. Because they know. They know the type of backlash they receive if the. Because there was a time it was called the 90s, when the robber was always black and.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

And the drug dealer was always black. And it got to a point, it's like, you do know. We do other shit. And so they have to switch it up. Now they literally go the complete opposite.

[Turner Sparks]

Now it's just all white.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. They're going to find the complete opposite.

[Peter Griffin]

But you know what? Now what you could do, maybe black criminal, black house owner.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Peter Griffin]

Double up.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

No, we're gonna have a black house owner with a white man.

[Turner Sparks]

How many more years of exclusive white guy criminals on TV until we're even at least 60?

[Phil Duckett]

TVs been around for about 60 years.

[Peter Griffin]

We got a lot of catching up to do.

[Turner Sparks]

I will say there was eras. I like the kind of terrorist. How you can watch terrorists throughout the decades to know who the. Who were fighting. You know what I mean? Like, sometimes it'll be. There was a decade where it was just Middle Eastern. People would be the terrorists.

[Phil Duckett]

Then it was Asian.

[Turner Sparks]

Was it Russians in the 80s?

[Peter Griffin]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Eastern European. Ish.

[Peter Griffin]

Yeah. And now it's back to that.

[Turner Sparks]

Now it's back to that. It was like the Balkans, like, Vladi Divak looking guys. Because, like, is it. Are they Serbian? Are they. Where are they from? And then. Yeah, and then it went Middle Eastern around 9, 11. Now we're back to Russian, right?

[Peter Griffin]

I think so.

[Turner Sparks]

And like, the ruins.

[Phil Duckett]

Now it's like Nikola Jokic.

[Turner Sparks]

Now it's. No. Yeah, it's yoke.

[Phil Duckett]

I was like a big white man.

[Turner Sparks]

Have you seen his brothers?

[Phil Duckett]

He's huge. They're huge.

[Turner Sparks]

They are.

[Phil Duckett]

He's like the baby of the family.

[Turner Sparks]

Enormous.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

They look like. They look like UFC fighters, but they're like 7 foot 5.

[Phil Duckett]

I hear they drink their horse's milk. So they get really big. That's how they get so big over there. They don't have cow milk. They drink horse.

[Turner Sparks]

They're like strongman competition guys.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Are they actually strong man competition?

[Turner Sparks]

I don't know if they are. They look like they're like big gut, but also they have huge arms. Yeah, yeah. The scariest people on earth. So. All right, so we got about, what, 50 more years. 40 more years.

[Phil Duckett]

40 more years of white, white criminals.

[Turner Sparks]

Exclusively breaking into your home. Yeah, but he wants. So is it taking jobs away is his question. I like how he framed it in a way where he's just looking out for others.

[Phil Duckett]

His racism is like. He's, like, trying to look out. No, they're not taking jobs away for us. We can play every role. Thank you, George.

[Peter Griffin]

And it's like, you know, if you're in real life, if, you know, Turner has a house, say, yeah, someone breaks in, you want it to be a white guy.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

It's an uncomfortable phone call if it's not. Yeah.

[Peter Griffin]

Describe them. Come on. Unique, anyone?

[Phil Duckett]

Unique hair. Seems very fast. He needs a jumper.

[Turner Sparks]

Lightning quick. You should see his 40 times.

[Phil Duckett]

And I think he can rap. That's all I'm gonna say.

[Turner Sparks]

He seems very nice.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, seems very nice. Probably just a fortunate circumstance.

[Turner Sparks]

Got backed into a corner by society.

[Peter Griffin]

I wouldn't cast him in the commercial, I'll tell you.

[Turner Sparks]

That. Looks nothing like the commercial. That's why I didn't expect them.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, my God. White people trying to describe black people without being racist is crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

Next question. This is from Marcia in Portland, Oregon. She says the era of. In quotes, female version of Ghostbusters.

[Phil Duckett]

What a Terrible movie that was.

[Turner Sparks]

She says, that seems to be over. But if you were to pitch a female version of a typical male movie or a black version of a white movie or etc, what would you pitch? I have a couple ideas, I think.

[Phil Duckett]

I think for the next 007. I have no problem with Idris Elba being 007.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm almost shocked it hasn't been a black no.

[Phil Duckett]

Because they know that I've seen. They've talked about it. The Internet goes crazy. They're like, well. And not fucking check. Which I do agree. I don't want. I'm saying, if they had to do it, make him. But I prefer a white double oh seven because I grew up on, like, my grandfather. I watched all the James Bond, like, Sean Connor is my favorite. So I get it. Like, it's not like an outrage like the Black Mermaid. I don't, you know, I mean, I was like, I thought it was still a great movie. I get why there's certain roles where it's just like, just keep. Because they, yeah. You know, I mean, somebody was like, so what if Tom Cruise plays the next Black Panther? I was like, and we'll burn the city. So I get it. He did.

[Turner Sparks]

He played a Chinese.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, first of all, the Last Samurai was amazing. But I mean, you already know Paul Mooney already had a. He was like, he had a great bit. He was like, like, you got Tom Cruise playing the Last Samurai.

[Turner Sparks]

That's a good Paul Mooney.

[Phil Duckett]

He's like, he was like, what would he say? He's like, that's why. He's like, we ought to have a movie called the Last on Earth starring Tom Hanks. He was like, you see? Yeah. It's like, you know, I mean, like, there's just certain things. It's like, why are you here? Why did the white man need to come and save the samurai? You ain't have no real Asian samurai that could have saved the whole. You need a white man to come over and become a samurai to save your whole hair movie. It was a great movie. Great movie. One of my favorites.

[Peter Griffin]

Tom Cruise being Black Panther. The, the narrative, like, the first 30 minutes would be like, hear us out. All these people died. And then he was around and, like, with the narrative post apocalyptic.

[Phil Duckett]

He did a 23andMe. He was an eighth Wakandan. Yeah. I was like, too. It's too much. It's too much.

[Peter Griffin]

So give us your pitches.

[Turner Sparks]

I, I. You could easily do Hoosiers with, like, Caitlin Clark. No, just like, women like a female.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I Was like, you want to change Hoosiers to all black?

[Turner Sparks]

That would be. Well, you could actually do that.

[Phil Duckett]

That was. It's already been done. It's called Glory Road.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

What about Sunset Park? Oh, remember that?

[Phil Duckett]

I remember I forgot about that.

[Turner Sparks]

When Rita will not. Rita Wilson. Was that her name? Whatever. Carla from Cheers coached like a black basketball team.

[Phil Duckett]

Do remember that movie? Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

And the funniest part about it, it was supposed to be Sunset Park, Brooklyn, which now is all Chinese, but at that time was like a black neighborhood. Yeah. And so it's like she's going into the hood to coach a black basketball team. But current that would just be a Chinese people basketball team.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Which they could still do it, man. They could still do it.

[Turner Sparks]

So I guess they've done versions of that.

[Phil Duckett]

So black woman going into Sunset park, coaching all Chinese basketball team.

[Turner Sparks]

Now we're talking.

[Peter Griffin]

They should just redo them all. What's one of those movies where, like, the white teacher would come into the, like, the black neighborhood? Like Dangerous Minds. They should reverse that. That would be pretty fun. Like a black woman comes into like, like all white suburbs. And it's like, you know, Taylor Swift was kind of like the first suburb.

[Turner Sparks]

You would go, like, methed out Rust belt town, like down on its luck Appalachian mountains. And it'd be a rich black person from the city goes to save. Like the poor white.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, the movie would be seven minutes long. The lynching would take six. Small black man goes to a small Appalachian town. They would never hear from him.

[Turner Sparks]

How furious would like, like the. That contingent of white people.

[Phil Duckett]

So what would you do?

[Turner Sparks]

You know what I mean? If you just.

[Phil Duckett]

That would be cool.

[Peter Griffin]

What would. What franchise would make white people the most mad if it got flipped a.

[Phil Duckett]

League of their own? All hood systems.

[Peter Griffin]

That sounds like a good movie.

[Phil Duckett]

They was like, kiki, you gotta hit this.

[Turner Sparks]

Ghostbusters.

[Phil Duckett]

And then you got. And then you got. Instead of Tom Cruise, some black. I was like, there's no smoking in baseball. Oh, that would piss people off pretty good in the white community.

[Turner Sparks]

Next question.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes, sir. Before I get canceled, let's see.

[Turner Sparks]

This is from Monroe in Allentown, Pennsylvania.

[Peter Griffin]

White guy here.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Says, I'm a black guy.

[Peter Griffin]

What's wrong?

[Turner Sparks]

God damn, I'm a black guy. I'm wondering, why do white people like putting their bare feet on the dashbo?

[Phil Duckett]

Let me tell you something. Why do they like putting their bare feet on anything?

[Peter Griffin]

I agree. I.

[Phil Duckett]

It is a fucking. It is a. It is a. You know what it is? It is a privileged mindset that. What are you going to do about it?

[Turner Sparks]

Look at me right now.

[Peter Griffin]

White people love bare feet. I hate bare feet. I'm anti feet. I'm socks all the way shoes. I don't want to even think about bare feet.

[Phil Duckett]

They call it grounding. They think they're becoming one with the earth. We call it dirty.

[Peter Griffin]

He says it all the time. He's always talking about grounding.

[Phil Duckett]

We call it fucking.

[Turner Sparks]

I won't shut up about grounding over here, dude.

[Phil Duckett]

Feet on dashboards. White people. Another thing on road trips, they always got their feet out the window. That's weird to me.

[Peter Griffin]

I agree.

[Phil Duckett]

Bugs slapping against the soles of your feet. Then the worst of the worst, which will get you up and probably get me on a no fly. Do not put your toes on the plane between the sea. If I see the. I'm gonna 100. I'm gonna stab them with my keys. Something sharp. I'm like, oh, sorry. Cause why the do you think that your toe jam should be beside me? I paid the same amount for this fucking economy class ticket. You did, you bitch. Fucking put your toe by me now.

[Peter Griffin]

Where do you go? Where's the worst place you went? Bare feet? Because you seem like a barefoot, like.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I mean, I grew up in California, so flip flops everywhere for like entire high school to school every day.

[Phil Duckett]

Even like nice events.

[Turner Sparks]

No, not nice events, but most people would wear flip flops in school. And then I went to college in Miami, Florida. So same thing. Flip flops in class and everything. So then it just leads to bare feet. Because flip flops, they flop off and then, you know, your bare feet. But he wants to know the answer.

[Phil Duckett]

To the question before we get in that we'll get to that. I think. I think people that wear flip flops in New York City are animals.

[Peter Griffin]

I also agree. I agree with that.

[Phil Duckett]

All this, especially if it starts raining the amount of fluid and garbage water that is on the heels. And then. And then white people didn't have the nerve not to wash their feet feet because then they. Like we talked about, they say they let the soap run down.

[Peter Griffin]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And that's good enough. So not.

[Peter Griffin]

Watch your feet, Turner.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So not only his feet are covered. His feet are covered. So this isn't him, y' all walking around this sewer water flopping away right now. Flopping away. You go outside and flip flops. And when it rains, you flop. And then you come home and then you don't soak them.

[Turner Sparks]

You just flop in the rain.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, God.

[Peter Griffin]

You're more Flop than women be flopping women.

[Phil Duckett]

Whites be flopping women. And I know.

[Peter Griffin]

I will say I never got the foot thing. I despise the foot thing. The foot thing. The no shoes, no socks. I think cover up your shame.

[Turner Sparks]

If you want to ask. It's not ashamed of it. Very proud of it. But if you want to. I would say most likely, and I have no recollection of this, but just knowing me, most likely, at some point, I wore flip flops on the subway. I would say most likely.

[Phil Duckett]

I would. I would bet both my testicles on it that you have.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm sure I have. I'm sure I'm taking the stuff.

[Phil Duckett]

I wouldn't lose a wink of sleepover.

[Turner Sparks]

I could go 100. I've taken the subway to the beach before.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes. So then, therefore, of course, my balls are safe. I'm so you. Definitely.

[Peter Griffin]

What about on a plane?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think so. I'm always freezing on planes. But I would have if it was warm enough. Sure.

[Peter Griffin]

Here's. I think you're only allowed to take your shoes or socks off barefoot in four places. The four B's.

[Turner Sparks]

This is such a cop.

[Peter Griffin]

The four B's. Four B's.

[Turner Sparks]

Opinion.

[Peter Griffin]

Bed, bath, beach, beyond. Buddhist temple. Those are the four. The four bees. Four bees. You could be free.

[Phil Duckett]

Buddhist temple.

[Peter Griffin]

That's it.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, everywhere else.

[Peter Griffin]

You got to be covered.

[Turner Sparks]

Did you say beach in there?

[Peter Griffin]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Did you say public swimming pool?

[Peter Griffin]

No, it does not.

[Phil Duckett]

With a B. Yeah. Sean, feet should be Muslim, all right? They should be covered at all times. Unless for your partner.

[Turner Sparks]

I disagree.

[Peter Griffin]

Yeah. Cover it up.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

You guys got to live.

[Phil Duckett]

Put a hijab toes.

[Turner Sparks]

You got to live a little. I'm going to tell you why. People, can we get to the answer? I know the answer. Oh, you want to say more why I'm not ashamed. This isn't working. I feel fine. I'm from California. Everyone walks around flip flops all the.

[Peter Griffin]

Time, and they're wrong.

[Phil Duckett]

All right, Speak your piece. Toe jam.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, so, people, I have had to jam.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, God, it's gonna make me sick.

[Turner Sparks]

No, I don't wear shoes that often. It's not my fault.

[Phil Duckett]

I did have to. Oh, my God. Then you want to put your feet on.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, you ever had a hangnail with just pus coming out?

[Peter Griffin]

No.

[Phil Duckett]

What the are you doing?

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, it's rough.

[Phil Duckett]

What are you doing?

[Turner Sparks]

No, because sometimes the subway water, like, gets in your toes. Some of our listeners are eating subway water.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, some of our listeners do this during lunch. Please let's not ruin that for them. Oh, God.

[Turner Sparks]

So the reason why is because everyone wants to be in Jamaica all the time. Everyone wants to be in the beach. You can't always afford it. So the closest you can get when you put your feet up and they're sticking out the window and somebody's driving your best girls driving the car is so ridiculous. You're going down the highway, can't drive 55. You feel like any money out there and you're. The wind's blown in your feet. It's the cheapest vacation you can get. All right, that's the show, everybody. I think that's it. Did we get to the end of it?

[Phil Duckett]

One more question for Patreon.

[Turner Sparks]

We got one more question for Patreon coming after the break. We're also getting the behind the scenes story on Patreon of why the. The ups and downs, trials and tribulations of filming your comedy special. Your latest one, what's the first one called? Which is that now?

[Peter Griffin]

It's called Neil on YouTube. Check it out.

[Turner Sparks]

Neil on YouTube. Go check it out.

[Phil Duckett]

Now.

[Turner Sparks]

We didn't even get into the fact that was the first one you did with Mark Norman. You were opening for Mark Norman on the road and you filmed it over a certain amount of days.

[Peter Griffin]

No, the first one I just did.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, that was just you.

[Peter Griffin]

I just did in Buffalo. I said, hey, go swim with your best pals naked and then come to a show. I filled out. I fil bunch of naked people. Yeah, it was great.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, everybody, stick around for Patreon after the music. One last wait.

[Phil Duckett]

Do we have black and white truths?

[Turner Sparks]

Yes, we got white lies and dark truths. This is our fact check segment of the show. Everything we've been saying, he's been clickety clacking away back there, fact checking it. Joe Russell, what do we got? What do we get right? What do we get wrong?

[Joe Russell]

Ah, well, you guys are talking about putting your feet up there on the dashboard, and that's dangerous, guys. You know that because the airbag is there too. And it's designed to deploy at a high speed.

[Phil Duckett]

It'll blow your asshole.

[Joe Russell]

So if there's a crash and your legs are on the dashboard, when the airbag deploys, it can strike your legs with immense force, leading to serious injuries like fractures, dislocations, and other trauma.

[Turner Sparks]

Worth it.

[Peter Griffin]

And then you end up no feet. And I come in.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, ladies, that's the. That's the show, everybody. Patreon subscribers, stick around. Everybody else, stay black.

[Phil Duckett]

Stay black.

[Sean Murphy]

You've got a question but you're scared to ask Just drop the boys a message Cause they're up to the task they're rolling the dice they ain't always nice but you can't think twice and giving black and white advice Black and.

[F]

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