Vanessa Jackson & "As a Jew Can I Micro Braid My Hair?"

Summary

Black and White Advice Podcast Summary

Episode: Vanessa Jackson & "As a Jew Can I Micro Braid My Hair?"
Release Date: April 1, 2025
Hosts: Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett
Guest: Vanessa Jackson

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Introduction and Guest Overview

In this episode of Black and White Advice, hosts Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett welcome comedian Vanessa Jackson to the show. Vanessa, known for her performances on A Black Lady Comedy Show, A Little Late with Lily Singh, and as a writer for Saturday Night Live (SNL), joins the hosts to delve into topics surrounding race, cultural appropriation, and personal experiences in the comedy industry.

Notable Quote:

• Vanessa Jackson [00:44]: "Just drop the boys a message. Cause they're up to the task."

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Comedy Writing and Industry Insights

The conversation kicks off with an exploration of Vanessa's journey into comedy writing. Vanessa discusses her experience submitting a writing package to SNL without an agent, highlighting the challenges and competitive nature of securing a spot as a writer on the show.

Notable Quotes:

• Vanessa Jackson [07:06]: "I just sent a packet through. I didn't show. I don't think I would have been good at showcasing."
• Phil Duckett [06:21]: "I've written a couple of scripts, but like people want like a sketch, they want to improv. They're like, you got to do like seven things. I'm like, I didn't say I could do that."

The hosts and Vanessa share anecdotes about managing creative ideas under pressure, the differences between scripted and stand-up comedy, and the importance of maintaining one's unique voice in various comedic formats.

Notable Quote:

• Vanessa Jackson [06:56]: "It's a lot more topical. I don't really do topical stuff."

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Cultural Discussions and Anecdotes

A significant portion of the episode revolves around cultural appropriation and its nuances. Vanessa and the hosts discuss scenarios where cultural elements are borrowed or adopted, analyzing the fine line between appreciation and appropriation. They use examples from pop culture, such as celebrities adopting hairstyles or attire from different cultures, to illustrate their points.

Key Discussion Points:

• Cultural Appropriation vs. Appreciation: Vanessa emphasizes the importance of context, suggesting that adopting cultural elements during vacations to support local economies differs from casual or uninformed adoption.
• Celebrity Influences: The panel critiques instances like Nancy Pelosi wearing dashikis during COVID-19, debating whether such actions constitute cultural appropriation or respectful homage.

Notable Quotes:

• Phil Duckett [37:08]: "Cultural appropriation is never over."
• Vanessa Jackson [37:34]: "Every black woman gets their hair braided for. They go on vacation, they don't want to do it. They know they're going to be swimming. They braid their hair."

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Listener Questions and Community Interaction

The episode incorporates listener-submitted questions, providing the hosts and Vanessa with opportunities to offer advice and share personal experiences related to race and cultural identity.

Featured Question:

• From Lisa in Sausalito, California [36:54]: "I'm Jewish with curly black hair. Can I micro braid my hair? Or is that cultural appropriation? Or is cultural appropriation over? I need help."

Discussion Highlights:

• Contextual Approaches to Hair Styling: The panel discusses whether adopting micro braids constitutes cultural appropriation, considering factors like intent, cultural significance, and personal identity.
• Balancing Personal Style with Cultural Sensitivity: They explore how individuals can express their personal style while respecting the cultural origins of certain hairstyles.

Notable Quote:

• Phil Duckett [37:12]: "I think it depends on the context. If you're doing it in your everyday life, it's a problem. But every white girl that goes to Jamaica comes back with micro braids."

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Personal Anecdotes and Humor

Throughout the episode, the hosts and Vanessa share humorous and sometimes poignant personal stories that touch on themes of race, identity, and societal expectations. From discussing the challenges of navigating barbershops as a white individual to reflecting on past experiences with racism and cultural misunderstandings, the panel uses humor to highlight serious issues.

Notable Anecdotes:

• Turner Sparks [26:03]: Recounts being bullied in an all-boys Catholic school where the principal forcibly shaved his head.
• Phil Duckett [26:20]: Shares childhood aspirations of being seen as "real black" and the societal pressures that come with it.

Notable Quotes:

• Turner Sparks [34:00]: "Is that like a translation for something? Maybe it could be because I've only. I did used to work. I did. When I did my business in China."
• Vanessa Jackson [35:31]: "Yes, I slapped him on the ass. But I said a thousand apologies."

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Closing Remarks and Future Events

As the episode wraps up, the hosts announce an upcoming live show scheduled for May 22nd at New York Comedy Club. They encourage listeners to support the podcast through Patreon, offering incentives like free tickets for subscribers.

Notable Quote:

• Turner Sparks [46:57]: "Stay black. You got a question but you're scared to ask?"

The episode concludes with the hosts promoting their Patreon and teasing bonus content for subscribers, ensuring continued engagement with their audience.

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Conclusion

This episode of Black and White Advice provides a blend of humor, personal stories, and insightful discussions on race and cultural appropriation. With Vanessa Jackson's expert perspective and the hosts' candid banter, listeners gain a deeper understanding of navigating cultural identities and the importance of context in everyday interactions.

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Highlighted Quotes with Timestamps:

• Vanessa Jackson [00:44]: "Just drop the boys a message. Cause they're up to the task."
• Vanessa Jackson [07:06]: "I just sent a packet through. I didn't show. I don't think I would have been good at showcasing."
• Phil Duckett [37:08]: "Cultural appropriation is never over."
• Phil Duckett [37:12]: "I think it depends on the context. If you're doing it in your everyday life, it's a problem. But every white girl that goes to Jamaica comes back with micro braids."
• Turner Sparks [26:03]: "I was pretty upset. I was like 16, so. And it's all boys school. You can't cry."
• Phil Duckett [35:02]: "I'm going to completely ruin this."
• Vanessa Jackson [35:31]: "Yes, I slapped him on the ass. But I said a thousand apologies."

This structured summary ensures that key discussions and insights from the episode are captured comprehensively, providing both context and depth for listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Phil Duckett]

Is that where Tom X is from originally? Sacramento.

[Turner Sparks]

We got him. And then Greta Gerwig.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's a good one to have, though.

[Phil Duckett]

Greta Thunberg is from Sacramento.

[Turner Sparks]

Greta Thunberg, I think, is from Europe.

[Phil Duckett]

Have you ever had a question you wanted to ask the opposite race, but you were too nervous to ask?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

And this is black and White advice.

[Phil Duckett]

But we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones.

[Turner Sparks]

This is black and white Advice.

[Phil Duckett]

You've got a question, but you're scared to ask.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Just drop the boys a message. Cause they're up to the task.

[Phil Duckett]

They're all in the. They ain't always nice, but you can't.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Think twice and give it like it's black and white.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, everybody, welcome to the show. My name is Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

We back with the Real Deal. Feel the thrill, baby.

[Turner Sparks]

Behind the glass, on the ones and twos. Switching the knobs, spinning the dials. We got producer Joe the muscle Russell. How you doing, Joe?

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, yeah, Macho.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, I'm not Rush Limbo anymore.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah. We got Macho Man.

[Turner Sparks]

For the last eight weeks, he was doing a full brush. Now he's the macho man after Monroe Martin.

[Phil Duckett]

I like macho. I like the macho. I'm sick and tired of all your.

[Joe Russell]

Hot dogging and showboating.

[Phil Duckett]

See, I think that's more relatable than Rush Limbaugh. Only the white listeners were understanding who Rush Limbaugh was. Macho man is global.

[Turner Sparks]

We on the podcast today. We got a fantastic comedian before we introduce.

[Phil Duckett]

This is a good sweater, Turner. Thank you very much. This cashmere. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And you know. Yeah, like, shits on it all the time. She says it's boomer color. My wife does.

[Phil Duckett]

No, this is your wife. Your wife's Asian. I thought jade was, like, a lucky color to them.

[Turner Sparks]

No. And then we saw the other day, we saw Dearon Fox, the NBA player wearing this exact thing. And I'm like, why does it look good on him? She goes, well, his skin tone's a little better.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. You know, everything look good on the brothers. She was like, yo, pasty ass can't rock that.

[Turner Sparks]

She said I look like a baby. So I. I appreciate. I'm gonna tell her I like that.

[Phil Duckett]

A good swe.

[Turner Sparks]

Um, well, well. Patreon. Patreon.com blackand white advice. You want to support the show. We know you want to support the show. Support us right now. I'll be honest.

[Phil Duckett]

We're right there. Honestly, I think we're like, maybe, like, two people, three people off from reaching our Patreon goal of me going to the mosh pit.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if we get to $250 a month is our very first goal for Patreon. Okay, we're almost there. Once we make it, Phil's going to his first. I'm taking it to his first punk rock concert.

[Phil Duckett]

Get into a mosh pit and stage diving.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That might the my worst fear. I can't even. That scares me so much. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, but, you know, in. In. In my defense, because I was like. And I was really nervous because I was like, do I need a gun? Do I need brass knuckles? Because I've seen white people. I've seen ridiculousness and, like, hitting people with ladders. I got real nervous. But before we had a Patreon, our.

[Turner Sparks]

Very first episode of wwf, I was gonna say.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Or Jackass. He was like, that's ridiculous.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know what white people are.

[Turner Sparks]

Capable of, but imagine just carrying a ladder into a concert.

[Phil Duckett]

No, no, no, it's fine.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I want to whoop somebod.

[Phil Duckett]

Reason I'm going to do it is because it's a really wide activity. And before we even had a Patreon, like, our very first episode, I made Turner eat chitlins.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh. How you feel?

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my gosh.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I mean, so disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Not only that, like, it's the whole house.

[Phil Duckett]

The smell. Oh, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

It was more the smell.

[Vanessa Jackson]

100%.

[Turner Sparks]

It was more the smell. So once I had one, I felt like you were like you were blown away. And then I just kept eating kind.

[Phil Duckett]

Of, and I was like, are you not going to stop eating those?

[Vanessa Jackson]

And it was because you were like, I'm black. And I'm like, please stop me.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, it was the smell. 80% of the.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's fair.

[Turner Sparks]

And smells horrible.

[Phil Duckett]

Smell like dookie.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. Yeah, it does.

[Turner Sparks]

That's Vanessa Jackson, everybody. Our guest. You know her from a black lady comedy show. A Little Late with Lily Singh.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And snl. You wrote on all those shows.

[Phil Duckett]

You're a writer on snl. Why did I know that?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Are you lying to me?

[Phil Duckett]

I swear to God, I did not know that.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's. You've hosted, like, 17 shows. I've been on Saturday night.

[Phil Duckett]

You know how many shows I host? I'm like, what you want me to say? Half the time? I think people are making it up. They're like, just say, see me on Peacock. I'm like, all right.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's so funny. You were just like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

He's brought you to stage.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes. I've known her for a while. When we've done shows in New York quite a bit. So many people tell you, like, they're.

[Turner Sparks]

They're.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, yeah. In one ear, out the other.

[Phil Duckett]

You're just like, okay, yeah. Literally just regurgitating what you say. So when I'm probably heard it, but I'm like, you know what's crazy?

[Turner Sparks]

Wait, can I take Vanessa's side here for a second? Because two weeks ago, Wilford Padawal was on this, and you're like, you're from. Your family's Filipino. He's like, phil, I've known you for 10 years. You ask me this every time.

[Joe Russell]

Then he called him Vietnamese, like, later on, right?

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know shit about comedy. Like. Like, I love doing it, but I don't know shit. I'm hosting New York. Dean Edwards is on. I was like, this guy was a writer for snl. He said, I want no fucking writer. He's like, I was on the fucking show. I said, and that's on me.

[Vanessa Jackson]

You said, and that's my.

[Phil Duckett]

And that's on me, man. My bad, player. And meanwhile, I go back, I'm like, oh, you were on pretty much every sketch at one point.

[Turner Sparks]

Saw him at the. The 50th.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh.

[Turner Sparks]

I mean, I was watching on TV. He was on at the very end. He was on the stage, everybody.

[Phil Duckett]

No, no. And I. And I'm really cool with Dean. And he was like, you thought I was like, dean? Well, when you were on snl, in my, like, defense, I was in, like, seventh grade.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. I was going to say he was like, season 20 something. Right. It was like.

[Phil Duckett]

It was in, like, the early 2000s.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what I'm saying. So I was a. And I knew he was on it, but I didn't really. And then I started. I was like, oh, I do remember Dan.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So, you know, I really should, like, catch up. As a comedian. I should probably know more comedy as.

[Turner Sparks]

A host of a podcast.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Knowing your guests. What season?

[Vanessa Jackson]

47, 48, and 49.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

How hard is it writing for them? Like, they. You have to have, like, a new sketch every day you come to work or, like, 10 new sketches.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Not every day. One night is writing night, which is on Tuesday nights. But, like, every week. Yeah. One night a week. You're like, it's cool. The same. I was like, okay, great. But, like, every week, you do have to have new sketch ideas. You have to have a bunch of Those.

[Phil Duckett]

And to get into that type of like career, you do writing package. Correct. That's what.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm not in that career.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, I don't know. I've always wondered because.

[Turner Sparks]

And I'm doing this show for a reason.

[Phil Duckett]

I've got nothing else. I've written a couple of scripts, but like people like, well, a writing package, they want, like, they want like a sketch, they want to improv. They're like, you got to do like seven things. I'm like, well, I didn't say I could do that. I have like one good idea. And I'm like, I can write this. Seven of these.

[Vanessa Jackson]

It is a lot.

[Turner Sparks]

Save them for my stand up. I would get jealous of my own material. I would think, see, the one thing.

[Phil Duckett]

I'll say is the shit that I do write. I know, like, it's different. Like my stand up is my stand up, the shit. That's a script. I'm like, I can't really do this.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. That's always how it's been for me. I feel like the shows I write for are like sillier.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. This is like ignorant.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Pure ignorance.

[Vanessa Jackson]

It's a lot more topical. I don't really do topical stuff.

[Phil Duckett]

Exactly. Yeah. My stand up is based off my life.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yes. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Did you audition with a packet?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yes. Yeah, yeah. I just sent a packet through. I didn't show. I don't think I would have been good at showcasing.

[Phil Duckett]

Did you have to have an agent to submit the package?

[Vanessa Jackson]

No, I got mine through blind submission. So they used to. At like 20 21. They were doing it before then, but like after the pandemic, a bunch of like writers and stuff just like left and went to different places, moved to la and so they did like an open submission. So like anybody who had the. I think it was like an email or a link or something could send it through.

[Turner Sparks]

Wow.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. And so I sent it through. Through that.

[Turner Sparks]

What. What were your. Do you remember your sketch ideas?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. Okay. It was very 2020 pandemic heavy, which was. One of them was like a, a Walmart ad for like. It was like a Walmart back to school ad. But you didn't have to wear a mask because, you know, Walmart was like, there's no pandemic here at very 2020. And then one was like a 72 questions with Vogue. You know, they asked celebrity 72 questions. But yeah, it was Chet Hanks, but he was showing like his dad's house.

[Phil Duckett]

In a Jamaican accent.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, yeah. Yes. I did all of the chat, which it Was something I wanted to do for the show when I got there. And then one of the writers was like, don't do that, cuz. Lauren is very close with Tom Hanks. And I was like, got it.

[Turner Sparks]

Does this kid really have a Jamaican accent?

[Phil Duckett]

You know, he doesn't really have, but he has one of the best Jamaican accents I've ever heard from. I'm not talking about black or white. I'm talking about Jamaican. He knows how to speak.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I love Chad Hanks.

[Phil Duckett]

I And people, a lot of black people like culture. I'm like, he's killing it, bro. And you can tell he got he black women. This is not like an act, y'all. He's not acting out.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's what I love about him. Whereas, like, everybody keeps coming for him. Like, there was that thing when he was like, got called out because he called it like a white boy summer or whatever. And everybody was like, apologize. And he made shirts that were like, black boy joy. Like, he just doubled down. Like, he does not care.

[Phil Duckett]

You can tell Tom's been busy on set, so he doesn't spend a lot.

[Turner Sparks]

Of time with him.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, that's exactly what it feels like.

[Phil Duckett]

Black nanny raised him. Yes. 100% Jamaican lady raised him.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

And that's why he's so nice. Because here's the thing. As a black man, I can't speak. I don't even know really how to do my Jamaican accent. Sounds like a white man trying to do it.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, because I didn't grow up around Jamaican people.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, but when you had. And I live in New York now, of course, you see all these Jamaican ladies raising these white baby, and they're like, I want plantain. That makes sense. And this is like back in the day having a mammy. The slave owner had a black baby. They ate fried chicken and chitlins and shit because that's what she was feeding them. They were sucking on the black woman titty. That's what it was.

[Turner Sparks]

I think the woman had to be pregnant.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, they were. They were breeding them.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Turner, let's not take it a second.

[Phil Duckett]

They all had milk.

[Vanessa Jackson]

All right, so wait.

[Turner Sparks]

Listen to the things that I guess I don't know about black culture that you said last week. I know nothing.

[Phil Duckett]

Know what a step team was?

[Turner Sparks]

I don't know.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, really?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, we were talking about black. He's like, what's a stepper?

[Vanessa Jackson]

I was like, what was the movie yard?

[Turner Sparks]

I said.

[Phil Duckett]

I said, you know, but he's like, I. He was like, so is it like dancing? I said, Turn a place.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, no.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm like, when would you do it?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Like, oh, well, like, actually. But here's the thing. I get that because you're right. Where would you do it? At black events. Like, very black events. Like black school. Like. Yeah. I wouldn't imagine you were anywhere scrambling.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, yeah, but one of the questions was asking. He was like, I joined Sigma Chi. It was a black. I said, what?

[Turner Sparks]

No, one of those.

[Phil Duckett]

One of the questions.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, got it. Got it.

[Phil Duckett]

Why would you join that?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

They didn't have any black fraternities. And he was so Turner's like, what's stepping? I was like, what do you. What do you mean?

[Turner Sparks]

Well, can we add to this? I know nothing about Chet Hanks. Apparently, that's a black culture thing to know about.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Have you seen Chet Hanks?

[Turner Sparks]

He's just like a dude with a bunch of tattoos.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, kind of. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

He's like a white kid who's rich and has a bunch of tattoos. It seems very, like, limpid to me.

[Vanessa Jackson]

It kind of. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Cooler than a Fred Dirt course.

[Vanessa Jackson]

He's great.

[Turner Sparks]

Am I off on that? I know his brother. Colin Hanks.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that his brother? I guess.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

He's just like a regular white.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, he probably. Yeah, they probably separate.

[Vanessa Jackson]

They saw they have different moms. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And that'll do it every time.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I don't do it every time.

[Phil Duckett]

Separate mamas.

[Turner Sparks]

Also. I only know Colin Hanks from Sacramento.

[Phil Duckett]

Do you.

[Turner Sparks]

He's. He's from my. Where I grew up.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, you went to school with him?

[Turner Sparks]

No, no. A lot of my friends did. He's older than me. He's like 4 years old.

[Vanessa Jackson]

He grew up in Sacramento.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Fascinating.

[Turner Sparks]

Tom Hanks.

[Phil Duckett]

Tom was paying that child support and then first wife.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, he had the kids Sacramento. Then Tom Hanks moved to Hollywood and then had Chet Hanks.

[Phil Duckett]

Is that where Tom Hanks is from originally? Sacramento.

[Turner Sparks]

He went to Sacramento State. He went to college there.

[Phil Duckett]

Really?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So I did Sleepless.

[Turner Sparks]

He's like, our only guy.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, we got him.

[Turner Sparks]

And then Greta Gerwig.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's a good one to have.

[Phil Duckett]

Greta Thunberg is from Sacramento.

[Turner Sparks]

Greta Thunberg, I think, is from Europe. Maybe Germany.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That was honestly my favorite moment ever.

[Phil Duckett]

He said, we have him. Said Greta Thornberg.

[Turner Sparks]

Said Greta Gerwig. Greta von Str. All the Gretas. Even the one with an Austrian accent who flips out about the airplane.

[Vanessa Jackson]

You should have absolutely been like, yes, she is. And then waited for the payoff.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, I need Greta for Sacramento, Phil. How dare you?

[Vanessa Jackson]

I Know. How dare you?

[Turner Sparks]

How dare you? That's a Sacramento accent.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That would be.

[Turner Sparks]

Come on.

[Vanessa Jackson]

He said.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm like, I don't feel.

[Turner Sparks]

How dare you?

[Phil Duckett]

Same.

[Turner Sparks]

Hogwartsyou know where she's from?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Do I know where she's from?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Greta.

[Phil Duckett]

No.

[Turner Sparks]

Whatever.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Thumb birds, whatever her name is. Yeah, I don't know exactly. No. Anyway, so that's so funny. Yeah, that's okay.

[Turner Sparks]

How many sketches do you submit a week? Or is it up to you?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, let's see. It's up to you, really. Like, you can do as many as you want. It's better to have like, bigger numbers so that there's like a. Like, better. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Phil Duckett]

How many sketches do you think you come up with in a week?

[Turner Sparks]

In a week?

[Phil Duckett]

If you sat down in front of your laptop because, you know, you're a studious guy.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't know how to write. I genuinely don't know how to write sketches. We had a guest a couple weeks ago who afterwards, we were talking and he was like, we all write sketches.

[Vanessa Jackson]

We all.

[Turner Sparks]

And I'm in my head, I'm going, I don't know.

[Vanessa Jackson]

You're like. And not me.

[Phil Duckett]

I've written two.

[Turner Sparks]

I write a lot of stand up.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, I don't want to call them sketches. They're really shorts because they're about eight to ten pages.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know. Is that scary?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay. I don't care. It's okay. So then I do know how to write. Writing too. There we go.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Is nice, though, because it was like you're writing for, like a specific person, which helps a lot with ideas.

[Phil Duckett]

So you have somebody in mind.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yes. You're not just generic. You're thinking like, oh, I'm writing for Chet Hanks this week. So you're like, what am I writing? I have so many ideas for that. Yeah. But then it's hard because sometimes you get something you don't know at all and you're like, I feel nothing about.

[Turner Sparks]

Marley do in this. This scenario.

[Vanessa Jackson]

100. You're like black. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I love that.

[Turner Sparks]

If Chad Hanks did Bob Marley like blackface, still think, would that be cool?

[Phil Duckett]

No, he's not Robert. He's not Robert Downey Jr.

[Turner Sparks]

He said he was, like, accepted in the black because he's doing the voice.

[Phil Duckett]

We didn't say he was full blown bigot. Only Robert Downey Jr. Has been able to pull off blackface in the black community. Accepted that Tropical Thunder is the only time.

[Vanessa Jackson]

So funny.

[Phil Duckett]

We've only timed.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's a Great. Yeah. And it was phenomenal satire.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, it was phenomenal.

[Vanessa Jackson]

It was. It's so. Was so funny. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that the beginning of the. And the end of the list of who could do blackface and everyone.

[Phil Duckett]

Nobody's ever done it again. I mean, they've done it, but it's always been fr. Even. Even before him, people have done. It's been wildly offensive because they dress. They do blackface like Sambo and they got the big red lips. And this was, like, accurate. It was done just right. It was a perfect amount of class taste, and it was accurate. He didn't do anything like. Yeah, he wasn't doing like that. He was acting like somebody's uncle, like. And the thing is, it was so perfect. But the thing is, his. The Brandon Jackson, he was such a good. Because he was always still checking him what black people would still do. Even though he's in black Vegas. He was still checking the out. Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

100 people.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I mean, like, it's like, God, this is just good banter.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Well written, man.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

My favorite thing in, like, cancel culture history was when during, like, the whole Black Lives matter movement, like 20, 21 or something, they were like, oh, Tina Fey had to apologize for doing Blackface and 30 Rock. And she was like, we're taking all those episodes out of the catalog. And they were like, like, seven episodes. I was like, they did seven episodes?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, you don't need seven.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Insane amount of episodes where I was like, how many episodes was it?

[Turner Sparks]

Seven episodes.

[Vanessa Jackson]

It was multiple episodes. I'll have to Google it. I never watched it either, but it was some high number of like four or five episodes for blackface.

[Turner Sparks]

Did one of the worst I've ever seen.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Blackface.

[Turner Sparks]

Not only did she do blackface, she did, like, a minstrel show. Like a exact replica of a 1930s blackface.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, so she was samba.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

She was like, oh, God, she did.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I'm. Now I sound like an. I don't say my apologist. I don't remember it either. But she did come out and say. Because for a while she was doing that thing. She was like, I don't apologize. I'm not apologizing. And then she was like, actually upon first.

[Phil Duckett]

They've taken all my money. They've taken all my money.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. She was like, I'm so sorry.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, let me back in.

[Vanessa Jackson]

She. What she said, I think was like, that was her brand. How she came up with, like, trying to poke. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I've never found her funny.

[Turner Sparks]

Sarah Silverman Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Tina Fey, I actually thought was actually pretty funny. Sarah Silverman, for me, she just never did it for me. I don't know.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm trying to think.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I loved a lot of her. Like, one line, she was, like, 90s.

[Turner Sparks]

She was very unique.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

At that time.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. That's what I mean. She had a very original voice.

[Phil Duckett]

Is she the one that did superstar?

[Turner Sparks]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Vanessa Jackson]

The amount of white women you keep confusing is honestly so great. I'm gonna stop correcting. Yeah. Molly's Janice. Totally different white women, though. That's what's funny. You know, Berg and Greta Gerwig could not be more different. Sarah Silverman and Molly Shannon, different generations.

[Turner Sparks]

You take such a strong stance on Sarah Silverman, and then you realize. We realize you just don't know who that is.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Not at all. She was on snl.

[Phil Duckett]

RBG from Kentucky.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Exactly.

[Turner Sparks]

Do you ever get Angela Merkel, the former prime minister, and Meghan Merkel mixed up?

[Phil Duckett]

I didn't know they had a female prime minister.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, I never thought about that. They do have the same.

[Turner Sparks]

I think they have the same last name.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, close. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Megan, now it's Sussex.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, excuse me.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That went viral this week. Yes, that went viral.

[Turner Sparks]

You can't call her Megan Merkel anymore.

[Vanessa Jackson]

She corrected Mindy Kaling.

[Phil Duckett]

So. But the. So the prince's name. The prince's last name is Sussex.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I guess it's. I guess her legal name is now Megan, Duchess of Sussex.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, so Duchess of his middle name?

[Vanessa Jackson]

I don't know. I think so. I think she's just. I think it's Megan, comma, Duchess of Sussex. Sussex.

[Phil Duckett]

But I thought she gave up their. Their name and their. Their royalty. So why would we call her Sussex?

[Turner Sparks]

Well, no, most people think that, too, but apparently.

[Vanessa Jackson]

But apparently.

[Phil Duckett]

Is that why they asked us to watch that dumbass Meghan Markle documentary that did come out that.

[Turner Sparks]

Have you ever heard of someone wanting it both ways?

[Phil Duckett]

No, I don't want to be royal, but I'm still the duchess. That's white privilege. That's white privilege.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Legit, though. That would be my energy. I would be like, I am. You are my royal subjects. But I also. But also, I don't want the responsibility in namesake only.

[Phil Duckett]

But no, I will not be attending the royal gala.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's exactly how I'd be. I'm not going to the events, but I do want the title. Thank you.

[Turner Sparks]

So, Phil, on the show. Yeah. You watched it? Mindy. Kayla. I saw a clip. I saw the one you're talking about.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Everywhere.

[Turner Sparks]

Mindy Kaling was like, so if Meghan Merkel, if you're doing blah, blah, blah. She's like, first of all, it's no longer Merkle. You keep calling Merkel, but it's Sussex.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Last name Sussex girl.

[Phil Duckett]

We see you in suit. Shut up.

[Vanessa Jackson]

But the whole clip was my favorite because the context was Mindy Kaling set. Megan was talking about like, oh, my favorite stuff. And I love Jack in the Box. And Mindy Kaling goes, stop. She goes, can you imagine? Nobody in the world is thinking that Meghan Markle eats Jack in the Box.

[Phil Duckett]

Nobody else does either.

[Turner Sparks]

She's like, she doesn't.

[Phil Duckett]

It's Megan the Duchess eats Jack in the Box.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

But I also was like, yeah, I know. I could have thought she. She became.

[Phil Duckett]

I see your mama, she got dreads, you know, chicken. You know what chicken is?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. She became royalty in like her 30s.

[Phil Duckett]

I bet you eat a church's biscuit.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. I was like, I gotta get gathered.

[Phil Duckett]

That we on to the kids.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes. We get to our question.

[Phil Duckett]

We ran the light a little bit.

[Turner Sparks]

We will be right back. Everybody with your black and white advice, questions and answers.

[Phil Duckett]

Let's go. If your job at a healthcare facility includes disinfecting against viruses, you know prevention is the best medicine. And maintaining healthy spaces starts with a healthy cleaning routine. Granger's world class supply chain helps ensure you have the quality products you need when you need them. From disinfectants and cleaning supplies to personal protective equipment. So you can help deliver a clean bill of health. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click granger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, you want to get bonus content, early episodes and have your questions answered on the show?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, then subscribe to our [e-mail] blackandwhiteadvice and subscribe right now.

[Turner Sparks]

Now do it and we'll give you a shout out on a future episode.

[Phil Duckett]

And I might call you the N word.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we're back, everybody. Before we get to our questions, I want to say we didn't say this earlier. May 22nd, we're doing our live show first one at New York Comedy, first one this podcast live where all three of us are doing stand up. Joe Russell, Phil Duckett, myself, and then afterwards we're getting on stage.

[Phil Duckett]

You can ask any question live. But I'm telling you, if you say live, I'm gonna beat your ass. I'm just tell you that right Now, Phil, can I get a pass? None of that selling. They were like, you know what you should do for merch? You should start selling inward passes. I said. I said. I said. I said, and be shunned by my community. I said, you. You wanna. You want to talk about being called a coon? I said, that is not gonna fly. I said, they're like, phil, you'd make so much money. I was like, so then they could buy and be like, what's up? My. I slap the out of everybody. I can't do it.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I just imagine the front and word pass on the back is just like a stamp of approval.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, you have a problem. Find Phil, duck, get your uncle.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, exactly.

[Joe Russell]

What if it was a koo instead?

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, Bill said I could say the N word. No, none of that. Hell no, none of that. We're not doing it.

[Turner Sparks]

And if you go to patreon.com backandwhite advice, whatever, black and white advice, you get in for free to the show. That's what I was trying to say. So it's five bucks to join our Patreon, and then you get a 25 ticket for free.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Wait till. Oh, comedy show.

[Turner Sparks]

To our live show. Oh, God, I'm terrible at promoting.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know.

[Vanessa Jackson]

No, I love it.

[Turner Sparks]

English.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I thought you meant to hear. I was like, that's Cooler's house.

[Phil Duckett]

You can pay and you can spend time with us in the studio.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I was like, you guys are really taking a chance on your life.

[Turner Sparks]

That's when we get real desperate.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Next month.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course.

[Phil Duckett]

Our streams are growing until they start to plateau. We're gonna keep it as it is.

[Turner Sparks]

First question comes from Patrick in New Orleans. He says, I'm white and my girlfriend is black. She currently spends over 300amonth at the hair salon. She goes once every 10 days or so. Is that too much?

[Phil Duckett]

She's doing you a service, brother.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That is true.

[Turner Sparks]

300 bucks is.

[Phil Duckett]

300 is cheap. Number one. It's not cheap, but it's, like, reasonable for. For a hair salon, 300 is very reasonable. And I know, like, micro braids cost sometimes.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, you know, I was gonna say they are expensive, but once every 10 days, I would have to know what style she has.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that. That's a lot?

[Vanessa Jackson]

That feels like a lot.

[Phil Duckett]

And that's all she's asking for because don't add the nails in the pedicure. Manicure. You looking at a G. Yeah, yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

But 300 is accurate.

[Phil Duckett]

It's not bad.

[Turner Sparks]

That's about right.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yes, about right. Yeah. Oh, 100.

[Turner Sparks]

Do you. How much do you spend on haircuts? Do you get. Do you just shave your own head?

[Phil Duckett]

I use Gillette fusions. I spend 25 every three months and get me new razors.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Joe.

[Turner Sparks]

What?

[Joe Russell]

Do you spend, 25, 30 bucks a haircut every three months.

[Phil Duckett]

You go to super cuts. Do y'all go to super cuts?

[Turner Sparks]

No. I need a new barber, though. Does my haircut look bad?

[Phil Duckett]

No, no. This guy looks like a toupee.

[Turner Sparks]

Look at that side is short. That sides. Can you see it?

[Phil Duckett]

They're the same length.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, yeah. No, they are. It is a little longer. A little bit longer.

[Phil Duckett]

Something we would have never known, really.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay. I've been self conscious.

[Phil Duckett]

I was like. I would have never known about.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Not at all. What if I was like, no, Uzbekistan.

[Turner Sparks]

He's a real hothead.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, really?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Because every time you go in, you never know what his mood depends on, what's going on politically in Uzbekistan. So you have to, like, really read the New York Times and come in with. So you can sympathize.

[Phil Duckett]

This is like the. The Seinfeld episode, the Haircut Nazi. It is no cut for you. You.

[Turner Sparks]

So you get a good haircut. So you have to be like, oh, new mayor in your cat. And you like the guy. And he'll go, he's great. Okay, good haircut today. I went in four days ago, and he was just pissed about something, and I was maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

It was probably that Putin says, he's taking it back.

[Turner Sparks]

And he also acted like he didn't know me. I'm like, dude, remember me? I'm like, I'm Turner. And he goes, yeah, yeah, come here. I'm like, no, I know you. Uzbekistan. I just said it was mega Stan. Oh, no, he didn't like that.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, you're gonna end up canister in Brighton Beach.

[Turner Sparks]

And then he gave me the worst haircut of all time. He just, like. It was so fast. He did it in, like, eight minutes.

[Vanessa Jackson]

It doesn't look bad.

[Phil Duckett]

Where do you. Where do white people fall?

[Vanessa Jackson]

He says it in eight minutes.

[Turner Sparks]

It was way too fast, Turner.

[Joe Russell]

I had the same experience with a Lebanese barber. He was a Christian. And he was talking about. He was upset that he met some dude that didn't believe in Jesus. And every time he was like, he didn't believe in Jesus, he'd push the razor like.

[Vanessa Jackson]

No, we gotta talk about boundaries and speaking up for ourselves.

[Turner Sparks]

This guy is on. It's called missing mister. It's called Mr. Right. I forget where it is, but it's in. In Fort Greene, Brooklyn. Don't go there.

[Phil Duckett]

Everybody's affected this man's lifestyle.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Really. I love this. Let's take down small business. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

This is an anti plug. This is an anti plug.

[Vanessa Jackson]

They've had it too good for too.

[Turner Sparks]

Long because it's 40 bucks.

[Phil Duckett]

How did you find them?

[Turner Sparks]

There's like, there's no. There's barely any barbershops in our neighborhood for white hair. Yeah, there isn't.

[Phil Duckett]

This is a white neighborhood.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Interesting.

[Turner Sparks]

Not for barbershop barbers. So it's like it's two or three neighborhoods away. It's a 20 minute walk away, which there's. There's barbers on this street. But like, I gotta turn it, Turner. Go for it, Turner.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Turn it.

[Phil Duckett]

I think one of our. One of our Patreon milestones. If we hit 500 or something, you let me take you to a black barber shop.

[Turner Sparks]

I am. I mean, at this point, I'm in.

[Phil Duckett]

And I want you to get the fate like them. It would. Because they know how to do it. You. You got to go somewhere that. But I think a black barber shop, because they used to say, I don't want a line. They would know not to like give.

[Turner Sparks]

You the I'll give Vanilla Ice dude.

[Phil Duckett]

Points, but they would like fade it. And they were like.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I was gonna say good luck.

[Phil Duckett]

We could give you. Yeah. Peaky Blinders or something.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, I'm in.

[Phil Duckett]

Ah, I think we should do it.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That would be fun.

[Phil Duckett]

And then all of a sudden your. Then your wife ends up pregnant. Even though she didn't plan on it. She just jumps on you because you like David Beckham.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's so funny.

[Turner Sparks]

One time when I was in high school, I got the lines in my head hair from my barber.

[Phil Duckett]

I just thought like a part like.

[Turner Sparks]

The cut, like, like, like Vanilla Ice used to do.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

How much black puss did you get?

[Turner Sparks]

No, I went to school that day. I went to an all boys Catholic school. The principal took me in the yard and shaved my head in front of all the students.

[Phil Duckett]

What type of racism is that?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Hank Meyer, the worst principal of all time.

[Phil Duckett]

What year did you go to High School? 1970.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That makes sense, though. I've heard a lot of that about Catholic schools because they're very particular length of hair. Like any of my friends who that had never.

[Turner Sparks]

That hadn't been a thing.

[Phil Duckett]

You shaved your head in front of the entire school? Yeah, it was called buck breaking. Remember we talked about.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. And then I told My brother, who's like 2, he was in college and he was like. He wanted to like, riot and take down.

[Phil Duckett]

You should have him. But honestly, your parents should have really stepped on him. Your parents should have been step.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Were you crying?

[Turner Sparks]

I was pretty upset. I was like 16, so. And it's all boys school. You can't cry.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

They raped you.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

So I. You just have to like, act tough. But I think when I got home.

[Phil Duckett]

They didn't been like, we know who the is. But no, you should have really, like, honest to God, that's a lawsuit.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Well. Well, nowadays.

[Phil Duckett]

Absolutely. The crown act.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Back then, they imagine.

[Phil Duckett]

Imagine a white person.

[Turner Sparks]

The crown act.

[Phil Duckett]

What's a real thing? That's why you can't be fired for having dreads or braids or anything. What?

[Turner Sparks]

I should have taken him for the crown.

[Phil Duckett]

The crown. It's a real thing. It's a real.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Back then you.

[Phil Duckett]

Back then they.

[Turner Sparks]

This is 1998, but this is why.

[Phil Duckett]

Black can now have dreads and braids at work. It's a crown act. You cannot discriminate based on somebody's hairstyle.

[Turner Sparks]

Amazing. If I. If I got.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what I'm saying. You should imagine. He invoke. He invoke the crown at.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, I know. You should see what the statue.

[Phil Duckett]

And Al Sharpton comes in like, this white man is doing the best he can.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, my gosh.

[Turner Sparks]

The Reverend Al walks into Jesuit high school.

[Phil Duckett]

This is criminal.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yes. You're like, actually, that's girl.

[Phil Duckett]

Now you become an honorary member of the naacp.

[Turner Sparks]

Amazing.

[Vanessa Jackson]

God, I love it. Yeah. Did your parents say anything?

[Turner Sparks]

Piss. They were so upset. Yeah. But I. I don't know if they did anything or not. I think they did. I think they called the school and complained.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

But I went home thinking it was just normal and I was in trouble. And then my brother, who was at college, I called him and he flipped and told my par. Like, you got to do something.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, they.

[Phil Duckett]

They're. Yeah, that's great for having a part in your hand. It's not like. It's not like he had like, big booty.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

It was a line.

[Vanessa Jackson]

You literally would be a millionaire nowadays. You would be sitting in that chair like, oh, shave it. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I got the reverend out.

[Phil Duckett]

You know what I wanted as a kiss?

[Vanessa Jackson]

See what the statute is.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, being a black boy in South Carolina going to private, all white, private school. My parents, you know, he was pretty cut and dry, but I used to. Because I wanted to be a gangster so bad. Growing up because everybody called me Ori Oreo. So I used to want to do. To make people think that I'm like, no, I'm real black. Yeah. But I wanted the slits in my eyebrows. So my mom said, absolutely not. She was like, they're killing black men by the dozen.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, I was gonna say something.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, he's absolutely not.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And pull your pants up.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I was gonna say my brother once brought home like money and a money clip. And my dad was like, never money in a money.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, you need a wallet.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Like a money club. Yeah, you need a wallet.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, my dad was a money clip guy. Really does that scene as bad.

[Phil Duckett]

No, your wallet white double standard. Cuz only drug dealers have rubber bands around their money and like that. Like, same reason, like I wanted a pager in 93 when I was in Canada. My mom said only drug dealers and doctors have pagers.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Well, he was more wor. Yeah, yeah. About somebody, like seeing him thinking, you.

[Phil Duckett]

Got a lot of money, you must be selling dope. It's like it's $23.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's my lunch money.

[Phil Duckett]

It's literally 20 bucks.

[Vanessa Jackson]

But it was a danger. Rancho Cucamonga, California. Rancho Cucamong of gang activity out there.

[Phil Duckett]

Isn't that in the Inland Empire?

[Turner Sparks]

Do you know 90% of the cities in California are Rancho something?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Rancho Cordova was the only reason I would know Rancho Cucamonda is because of Friday after next. And that's where they. We won the lottery. They moved out there.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Huh.

[Phil Duckett]

Is that a really nice suburb?

[Vanessa Jackson]

It is, yeah, it's a. Well, it was like a desert when I was a kid. Now it's like more on the come.

[Turner Sparks]

It was kind of like a. Yeah, well, I don't. When I was a kid, it was like middle class.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Sort of out of la.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yes. Way out of la. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

So it wasn't Hollywood.

[Vanessa Jackson]

No, like fully was the desert. Now they're like building up malls and stuff, but it was like house desert. House desert.

[Phil Duckett]

So wait, what's the Valley? That's not Rancho Cucumo.

[Vanessa Jackson]

No, the Valley is like.

[Turner Sparks]

Like Burbank.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Still la. Yeah, yeah. Like Granada Hill, North Hollywood. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Over the Hollywood Hills on the other side.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. Of the Valley.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, okay. I've only been to LA once. Yeah, I've only been once. That's why I don't really know. I've known met people, but I don't really know the terrain. And like California is just a whole different breed. I've only been I've been to San Francisco one time. I've been to Oakland one time. So then I've been to LA once.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And then I found out Northern. Northern California is like a completely different.

[Vanessa Jackson]

World in Southern California even than, like, Central California. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Even when it's hot, it's cold.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. Yeah. 100.

[Turner Sparks]

Growing up in northern California, I didn't know Southern California geography at all. There's so many suburbs, so many areas that, like, up in. Only once I became a comedian, started going to LA to do comedy.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I started driving in a rental car that I start to learn, like.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. It's a whole different state. It feels like. Yeah, it's crazy.

[Phil Duckett]

They said it takes 12 hours to drive top to bottom. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I think 14.

[Phil Duckett]

And the thing is, before that I heard, like, Texas. My dad was like, driving through Texas is one of the most ridiculous to drive. But they say California is even longer if you go top to bottom.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. That's why it's still weird to me now when you can, like, go to different states within, like, a day. Because in California it's like you're still in. You can drive like eight hours in.

[Turner Sparks]

New Jersey and you're like, oh, are you from Northern? They' I'm from Central Jersey. I'm like, the whole state's an hour and a half long.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Literally.

[Turner Sparks]

It's like California is. Literally. I'm going to. I'll be in California next week. I'm driving from Sacramento up to Oregon and it's going to take me from Sacramento, which is in Northern California, six hours to get to the Northern California border. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So just to get. Not to get to Oregon, but to get to the border to get to the Oregon. How long is the whole trial trip?

[Turner Sparks]

It's going to take like 13 hours or something to drive into the.

[Phil Duckett]

Drive from one state to another.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm driving through Oregon into Washington. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So you know, I don't know shit about coast.

[Vanessa Jackson]

It's a whole three states. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So where's Idaho? Is that touching?

[Turner Sparks]

That's not on the coast. Oh, that's where Greta Thunberg's from. Yeah. She's Ida Idahoean.

[Phil Duckett]

I thought she was from Europe.

[Turner Sparks]

Next question. Let's see. Okay. This is from Paul in Grand Rapids, Michigan. He says, I'm a white guy, 35 years old, stuck in corporate America.

[Phil Duckett]

I know that feeling.

[Turner Sparks]

He says, is the term in quotes. Thank you in advance. Advance. The whitest sentence ever constructed. And if so, what's the blackest?

[Phil Duckett]

Why is that a white sentence?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, I agree.

[Phil Duckett]

I Think that's a dumbass question in general.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that a bad question? I, I thank you in advance.

[Phil Duckett]

Why is that white?

[Vanessa Jackson]

I get what he's saying, but I think that's just corporate.

[Phil Duckett]

That's corporate jargon.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Thanking you for something you haven't done yet.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You don't know what the blackest email is when you start sending them dumb emails that you. That I've already talked to you about. And I'm like, per my last email, that's me saying, listen, stupid.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I told you once, don't make me tell you again. Per my last email. Yeah, Per my last email is like, don't ask me no more dumb.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. 100.

[Phil Duckett]

That's me.

[Vanessa Jackson]

It's sassy.

[Phil Duckett]

It's my sassy. That's my sassy corporate. Oh, oh, oh, you want to know? You want to know? Per my last email, I've already stated. Yeah, that's my favorite. Because it's me. It's my way.

[Turner Sparks]

Do you ever just screenshot.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And just. Or, or just for them. The exact email that where you set it before.

[Phil Duckett]

Per my last email. With the Ford.

[Turner Sparks]

With the Ford underneath.

[Phil Duckett]

So you know that I've already reiterated this multiple times.

[Turner Sparks]

You can just text. Scroll up. You ever do that for an answer? Like, it's already in the text.

[Phil Duckett]

I still got to have some class about it. Cuz you can't be too much of a. Scroll up. Phil's in a mood today. Feels in a mood today. Scroll up, scroll up.

[Vanessa Jackson]

You know, so funny. Thank you in advance. Yeah, I think that's just cool. I feel like maybe, maybe the black version of that is like, let me find out. You know, Let me find out.

[Turner Sparks]

I haven't worked in corporate. I thought thank you in advance meant like, like you haven't done this yet. But I'm gonna thank you because I'm making you do it. I want, I need you to do this and thank you.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Before you've even agreed to do it.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Isn't that like a real. What is it? Passive aggressive?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yes. I think it's just. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that the way they.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know if that's a yeah, man. There's ain't no turning successful in comedy. He ain't had a job in decades. Yeah. Yeah. That's how they talk. Just. I just thought that was regular white people talk.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, maybe it is.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. You know what? I hope all is well. Well, I don't know.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Ah.

[Joe Russell]

I do that all the time.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Really?

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I do too. Because my Boss does it. So I'm. I just adopted it because white people like, oh, yes. Hey, hey. Such and such.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Hope all as well.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't give a if it's well or not.

[Turner Sparks]

Hope all's well.

[Phil Duckett]

You're fine. Hope you got lupus. I don't really give a.

[Vanessa Jackson]

You're like, I don't care.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, what about, I hope this news finds you well?

[Phil Duckett]

Yes.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, yeah, See, same thing.

[Turner Sparks]

You're fired.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. Later.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I hate, lovely to e meet you.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, God. Instead of just saying, nice, nice to e meet you. I honestly, I got that a couple days ago from this lady, and I was like, great.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. It's so cringe. I get it. But don't do that.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Just. Just say, nice to meet you.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, we're still meeting.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. We don't do. To do the e meet you.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Joe Russell]

Greetings and salutations.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

What about 1000 apologies? Have you ever got that from somebody? It's a very Indian thing to say.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Indian people have said it to me before, really? 1,000 apologies.

[Turner Sparks]

But it's like, that doesn't count as a thousand.

[Phil Duckett]

That sounds. You say after, like a sexual assault.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's what I thought.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

What did you do that requires a thousand apologies?

[Turner Sparks]

I said a thousand apologies.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I said a thousand apology.

[Turner Sparks]

What did you do here?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, I slapped him on the ass. But I said a thousand apologies.

[Phil Duckett]

I grabbed the titty at the holiday party.

[Vanessa Jackson]

A thousand apologies.

[Turner Sparks]

Let the record show I said a thousand.

[Vanessa Jackson]

A thousand. That's how much that's worth, right?

[Phil Duckett]

So I'm like, that's kind of crazy. I'm like, why would you need to apologize?

[Vanessa Jackson]

What have you done?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, I hated it so much, I started saying it to my wife every once in a while. She gets so upset. I'm like, 1,000 apologies. But the dishwasher, I really screwed it up. She's like, it doesn't count as a thousand.

[Phil Duckett]

It's one fucking apology.

[Vanessa Jackson]

1,000 apologies. Is that, like, a translation for something? Maybe it could be because I've only.

[Turner Sparks]

Gotten it from, like, any. I did used to work. I used. When I did my business in China.

[Phil Duckett]

Mr. Softy.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. There'd be Indian people and other companies and stuff, and it was a very many thanks or 1000 apologies.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I'm wondering if it's like, many thanks. No. When people say, like, thanks a million, maybe it's like the wrong transit. The opposite. Yeah. Maybe I screwed this up.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I love you so much. Million or I really this up. A thousand apologies.

[Turner Sparks]

Can you apologize in advance and then do something.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm going to completely ruin this.

[Turner Sparks]

Apologies in advance.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that's what that is. Again, on the F train.

[Vanessa Jackson]

A thousand policies in advance. Jesus.

[Turner Sparks]

Next question. Lisa in Sausalito, California, says, I'm Jewish with curly black hair. Can I micro braid my hair? Or is that cultural appropriation? Or is cultural appropriation over? I need help.

[Phil Duckett]

Cultural appropriation is never over.

[Turner Sparks]

It is confusing, though. It's hard to know what's over and what's not.

[Phil Duckett]

I think it depends on. Well, first of all, y'all always cultural appropriate in pop culture in general. Our culture transcends.

[Turner Sparks]

Mad about it, as they did like, three years ago.

[Phil Duckett]

No, no, it's not even that, y'all. Culture appropriation, it depends on the context. If you're doing in your everyday life, it's a problem. But every white girl that goes to Jamaica comes back with micro brights.

[Vanessa Jackson]

And I love it. It's so funny to me. Yeah, I love it. I love a cornrow with the bees. I love it.

[Phil Duckett]

And the puka shell.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yes. It's so fun.

[Phil Duckett]

And it's just like, good job, Kathy. Yeah. So that's what I'm saying. It's all about context. You on vacation?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Y.

[Phil Duckett]

Every black woman gets their hair braided for. They go on vacation, they don't want to do it. They know they're going to be swimming. They braid their hair.

[Joe Russell]

It's helping the Jamaican economy.

[Phil Duckett]

See, look at Joe.

[Vanessa Jackson]

There we go.

[Phil Duckett]

It's helping the economy. So. But that's the thing. Culture appropriation is different, you know, I mean, like, so when you're on vacation, you're doing it because it's helping the economy.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You want to be one vibe one. Yeah. You want to. You want to really, like, dive into the culture. That's different. But we. When Nancy Pelosi and all them other tards wore dashikis during COVID No, that's not acceptable.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That was so fun.

[Phil Duckett]

That was wild.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Again, I. I think I just like cultural appropriate. It's so fun. It's hilarious.

[Turner Sparks]

Do you remember when this was big in the, like, the Asian world where they said my. A girl was wearing, like, a Qi Pow to a white girl to her high school prom, which is that Chinese dress, you know? And then this is like, 2020, 2021. And then, like, Chinese American guy online started flipping out. He goes, my culture is not your prom dress.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

You are not allowed to wear that. Meanwhile, I was. When we were in China. My wife's from China, used to live there. We're over there visiting at the time. Chinese people loved it. It went viral over there. And they were like, oh, my God, it's so cool. A white lady's wearing our clothes.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, interesting.

[Turner Sparks]

But the Chinese American guy was pissed.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I guess there's always going to be outrageous.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Depends. Yeah. I think this person can micro braid their hair. If they do that thing where they pretend it's a different name and they didn't know, they're like, no. Well, I don't know. They could just be like, it's not micro brai. Braids. A teeny tiny braid. Teeny tiny braids for a girl named Tina. I don't know. I love that. And then she's like, I didn't know micro braids. Yeah. It's like, remember when Travis Kelce went viral and they were like, travis Kelce invented the fade.

[Phil Duckett]

I forgot about. And black people were like, what? Like when Kim K. Had the cornrow straight back and it was like. But y'all called that ghetto for, like, 100,000.

[Vanessa Jackson]

And then she called it box braid.

[Phil Duckett]

It. Box bread box braids are a thing. But when Kim Kardashian did it, it was like, oh, my God, this is a new style. Black woman, like, y'all literally got fired. We got fired.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, all the time.

[Vanessa Jackson]

So my.

[Phil Duckett]

That's why the crown act is a thing. Yes.

[Vanessa Jackson]

My advice to her would be wear it so good that people think it was a Jewish thing first. And there we go.

[Turner Sparks]

By the way, Joe and I, before the show were talking about extra things to put on the wall here to fill out the wall behind us. I honestly think we need the Nancy Pelosi and the dashiki on the wall.

[Phil Duckett]

That would be pretty sick if we could find that. That.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

The other thing we were thinking of.

[Joe Russell]

Is like, like, great black and white duos in, like, media. Like, oh, like Hulk Hogan and Mr. T. Or like, Lethal Weapons.

[Phil Duckett]

Rush Hour.

[Turner Sparks]

Rush Hour. I'm close enough.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I love Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson. I think that could be before and after.

[Phil Duckett]

That would be a great Black and white. That would be a great. That is fire. Before and after. Mike. Black and white Mike.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yes.

[Turner Sparks]

Done.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, we gotta find that. That's actually really great.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Beautiful.

[Joe Russell]

John Travolta. Samuel Jackson.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, I never thought. Oh, P. Fish. I was like, I've never thought of them together. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

P Family. Yeah. That's actually not bad.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I like that.

[Phil Duckett]

All black and white. That's dope.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That's cool.

[Turner Sparks]

All right. Oh, how about this? This is my. From my cousin Dan in Arlington, Texas. He drunkenly. Him and his wife called me with this the other day.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I love a good drunk question.

[Turner Sparks]

And he goes, we're wasted. And his wife's in the background and she, she's going, it's our first time in three months without our kids. And they're like in a cab on the way home and he's reading, he's.

[Phil Duckett]

They take cabs in Arlington, Texas. Everybody drove drunk.

[Turner Sparks]

He says, so then he texted it to me the next. The next day, right? So he goes, my wife and I were at a bar last night and a big time MAGA couple sat next to us. Most of the bar was Latino, so they turned. So this mad couple turned to us and started talking about how much they love Trump and particularly how he was kicking all the illegals out. A very nice Mexican couple within earshot of us quickly left the bar when they heard this. We felt horrible. Later in the night, we were at a different bar and my wife saw the same Mexican couple from across the street, from across the room happened to be leaving. So she ran up to them real quick and explained to them that we didn't know those people and we didn't agree with them and we are, in fact, not racist. They were polite about it, and so they understood. But my question is, was this the right move for my wife to go explain ourselves or did she make it even weird?

[Phil Duckett]

She made it weirder. Yeah, she made it weirder. She made it weirder. It's like one of those things. You let that go and then if you're close to them, you just start talking to them and they find out that you're nice. But when you ran across said, she ran outside.

[Turner Sparks]

Said by the time she got to him, they were already outside. So she ran into the parking lot.

[Phil Duckett]

That said, I'm not racist. But when somebody says that, they're like, like, I'm not trying to be racist, somebody starts it off like that, you know? So when you automatically bring up racism, my first thought is, yeah, okay, yes.

[Vanessa Jackson]

You're like, interesting, interesting. And I don't like chicken, you know.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, it's like.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Is like you didn't.

[Turner Sparks]

So Dan on the phone, he goes, it was weird.

[Phil Duckett]

It's more of a move. Go out of your way to show that.

[Vanessa Jackson]

It's almost like you're trying to save face.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, I don't want to get fired. Yeah, but it's like, but we heard you and. Because if you were racist, you would have nipped that in the bud. When they was talking to you, the.

[Joe Russell]

Mexican couple is like, we have no idea what you're talking about.

[Vanessa Jackson]

That would have been awesome.

[Phil Duckett]

No, like, puppy. No English.

[Vanessa Jackson]

So great. And then she has to explain it. She's like, no. So they were saying that he should have kicked out.

[Turner Sparks]

See, See, there's a wall at the southern border. Yeah.

[Vanessa Jackson]

So you're Mexican, right? Yeah. And so what they want to do is. It's really passionate, but I'm not racist.

[Turner Sparks]

But I know you're here legally.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah. Show me your paper. Yeah, I just want to see real quick.

[Phil Duckett]

My brother's a cop, not ice.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, Dan, there's your answer.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, Dan, just let that. Let's sleep. What they call it. What does it say? White people say let sleep and dogs lie.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, let's. Let me knock.

[Phil Duckett]

That's literally what that is, the definition of that.

[Turner Sparks]

That's it. All right, that's it. Now, last segment. Joe Russell with our lies and dark truths. This is our Fact Sec. Fact check segment.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Okay?

[Joe Russell]

You guys are talking about Greta. Her first. Her whole name is Greta Tintin. Eleanora Erman Thunberg.

[Turner Sparks]

This can't be true.

[Phil Duckett]

What country is that where they give you six names?

[Joe Russell]

Swedish.

[Phil Duckett]

First of all, one of my favorite shows growing up was the Adventures of 1010.

[Turner Sparks]

So go on.

[Joe Russell]

That's the fact that she's from Sweden. Because you guys didn't know where she was from.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, fully.

[Turner Sparks]

I was closer. I said Germany.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Well, we didn't know where she was from. You thought she was from Sacramento.

[Phil Duckett]

They start with S's.

[Vanessa Jackson]

You know what? Touche. There we go.

[Joe Russell]

30 Rock. There are four episodes.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Four, which.

[Joe Russell]

The characters appear in blackface, were taken down at request of Tina Fey and Robert Carluck.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I ask you guys.

[Phil Duckett]

Wait, characters. So it was not just Tina Fey, the entire cast.

[Joe Russell]

No, I think it was, like, one character.

[Vanessa Jackson]

But four different episodes. Four is so many. One would have been like.

[Phil Duckett]

To get the point across.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Four.

[Phil Duckett]

It's like. No, we. We got some here.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah, Yeah, a few.

[Joe Russell]

All right, last one. Megan Markle has stated that she treasures her Sussex title because it connects her to Harry and their children, making it a significant part of their family identity.

[Phil Duckett]

She done sold out.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, okay.

[Turner Sparks]

She sold treasures.

[Joe Russell]

It reminds her of.

[Phil Duckett]

Of the times and the good days.

[Turner Sparks]

Treasures reminds me of the pillaging that the royal family did worldwide.

[Phil Duckett]

And everybody else. Colonization.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I treasure the history of England.

[Turner Sparks]

Of Africa.

[Phil Duckett]

They would have murdered you, Megan Of India.

[Turner Sparks]

Of India.

[Joe Russell]

Oh, one more fact. My girlfriend in high school wore Indian sari and a bindi to our Prom.

[Phil Duckett]

And what did you wear?

[Joe Russell]

That was because it's a regular suit.

[Vanessa Jackson]

She was white.

[Joe Russell]

White.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Where were you guys at? Buffalo.

[Joe Russell]

Buffalo. She just really loved how beautiful the dresses were. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, was that because of no Doubt.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, do you remember when did she.

[Phil Duckett]

Put the dot on her?

[Joe Russell]

She had the dot on her.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, but it is. But it was like an homage.

[Phil Duckett]

Did y'all have any Indian students?

[Joe Russell]

She was an absolute sweetheart, this person. So, like. Yeah, she, like, really admired the culture. But I think that's cultural appropriation, right?

[Phil Duckett]

No, it's by definition cultural appropriation.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think anyone would care now, though. Or back then. There was a period, there was like a five year period where she would be burned. The stake in America.

[Vanessa Jackson]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

All right. Well, I think that was a great conclusion.

[Turner Sparks]

I think that's it. Patreon subscribers, stick around. We got our bonus show for you starting right after this music. If you want to be a Patreon subscriber, go to patreon.com 5bucks you get tickets to our May 22nd live show in New York Comedy club. And so Patreon subscribers, stick around. Everybody. Everybody else, see you next week. Stay black.

[Phil Duckett]

Stay black. You got a question but you're scared to ask?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Just drop the boys a message? Cause they're up to the task?

[Phil Duckett]

They're rolling the dice? They ain't always nice? But you can't think twice? When giving black and white advice?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Black and white advice. Hey, Kristen, how's it tracking with Carvana Value tracker?

[Phil Duckett]

What else?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Oh, it's tracking, in fact. Value surge alert. Trucks up 2.5%, vans down 1.7.

[Phil Duckett]

Just as predicted. So we gonna.

[Vanessa Jackson]

I don't know. Could sell.

[Turner Sparks]

Could hold the power to always know our car's worth.

[Phil Duckett]

Exhilarating, isn't it?

[Vanessa Jackson]

Tracking Always know your car's worth with Carvana value tracker.