Why Do White Guys Love Model Trains?

Summary

Black and White Advice: Episode Summary

Episode Title: Why Do White Guys Love Model Trains?
Hosts: Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett
Release Date: April 15, 2025

---

Episode Overview

In this engaging episode of Black and White Advice, hosts Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett delve into the curious question: "Why Do White Guys Love Model Trains?" Through their trademark comedic lens, they explore the underlying reasons behind this hobby's popularity among white men, drawing parallels to other leisure activities and societal behaviors. The conversation seamlessly transitions into related topics, including tattoos, church experiences, and humorous personal anecdotes, all while maintaining a balance of humor and insightful commentary.

---

Main Discussion: The Allure of Model Trains for White Men

Turner and Phil kick off the episode by addressing the central question with a humorous yet thought-provoking analysis. They suggest that hobbies like model trains serve as a retreat for white men, offering a way to escape the stresses of family life and daily responsibilities.

• Phil Duckett (20:43):
  "I think anything that gets you away from your wife."

• Turner Sparks (20:50):
  "White grandpas spend a lot of time in the garage."

They compare model trains to other popular hobbies such as golf, emphasizing the social aspect and the opportunity for camaraderie away from familial obligations. The hosts highlight how these activities become a necessary reprieve, much like how Phil enjoys playing golf as an adult to unwind.

• Phil Duckett (21:10):
  "It's like golf. I didn't. You know, as a kid, I didn't understand golf. And now that I'm older, I love playing golf."

• Turner Sparks (21:29):
  "We had a guy. He old guy in our neighborhood took it to the next level. He volunteered at the train museum downtown."

Tattoos: Stereotypes and Cultural Significance

Transitioning from hobbies, the hosts explore the realm of tattoos, dissecting stereotypes associated with tattoos among different racial groups. They humorously discuss the types of tattoos commonly perceived as typical for white and black individuals, often debunking these stereotypes with real-life observations.

• Phil Duckett (13:14):
  "Black people always got praying hands."

• Turner Sparks (15:14):
  "Everyone's doing their own. They're raking their own yards. It's a crisis out there in suburban America."

The conversation covers various tattoo designs, such as tramp stamps, praying hands, and tribal tattoos, highlighting how their significance can vary and often get misinterpreted across different cultures.

• Phil Duckett (14:19):
  "But the thing is, it's not just black, because I've seen Mexican. It's gang related."

• Turner Sparks (35:15):
  "Yeah. I've never been a big fan unless, like, I had like a friend who spoke the language."

Church Experiences: A Tale of Two Traditions

Another significant portion of the episode contrasts black and white church experiences. Turner and Phil share personal anecdotes and observations about the vibrancy and musicality of black churches compared to what they describe as the more subdued atmosphere of white churches.

• Phil Duckett (27:10):
  "But the thing is, I went to non-denominational churches that were like half and half and with a white pastor."

• Turner Sparks (26:27):
  "I went to white church. Most white church is deaf. The Catholic mass is the most boring thing."

They discuss how music plays a pivotal role in black churches, making services more dynamic and engaging, whereas white churches often adhere to traditional and less interactive formats.

• Phil Duckett (27:30):
  "Black church, the music is fantastic."

Humorous Anecdotes and Side Topics

Throughout the episode, Turner, Phil, and guest Joe Russell interject with humorous stories and side conversations that both entertain and provide deeper insights into their perspectives on race and culture.

• Turner Sparks (00:00):
  "I was home at my parents house like a week ago... this is what happens when there's no... all the illegals are out of the country."

• Joe Russell (07:00):
  "A lot of products say they're clean, but what does that mean?"

These moments serve to lighten the mood while still addressing serious topics with wit and humor.

Notable Quotes

• Phil Duckett (20:43):
  "I think anything that gets you away from your wife."

• Turner Sparks (27:19):
  "I went to the Catholic mass is a workout."

• Phil Duckett (37:14):
  "And the yin yang tattoo is definitely a gentrified tat."

These quotes encapsulate the hosts' blend of humor and social commentary, offering listeners both laughs and food for thought.

---

Conclusion

In this episode of Black and White Advice, Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett provide a humorous yet insightful exploration of why model trains are a beloved hobby among white men. Through their dynamic conversation, they touch upon broader themes of cultural stereotypes, the significance of personal hobbies, and the contrasting experiences within different church traditions. Their ability to intertwine humor with meaningful dialogue makes this episode both entertaining and enlightening for listeners seeking to understand the nuances of race and culture in contemporary society.

---

Note: This summary focuses solely on the content-rich sections of the episode, excluding advertisements, intros, outros, and promotional segments as per the guidelines.

Transcript

[Turner Sparks]

I was home at my parents house like a week ago and I come home and my mom's in the backyard putting tiling into like the wall of their house. And you know what I thought I was like, this is what happens when there's no. All the illegals are out of the country.

[Phil Duckett]

Have you ever had a question you wanted to ask the opposite race but you were too nervous to ask?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

And this is black and white advice.

[Phil Duckett]

But we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones.

[Turner Sparks]

This is black and white advice. You've got a question but you're scared to ask. Just drop the boys a message. Cause they're up to the task, they're rolling the dice. They ain't always nice but you can't.

[Phil Duckett]

Think twice and give it black and white advice.

[Turner Sparks]

Black and white advice. All right, everybody, welcome to the show. My name is Turner Sparks and I'm.

[Phil Duckett]

Real deal Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

We got Joe the muscle Russell on the ones and twos, spinning the dials, switching the knobs behind the glass. How you doing, Joe?

[Joe Russell]

Oh, hello. Know this is Ronald Reagan.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I'm out of here.

[Turner Sparks]

They don't all hit.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm out of here. They don't all hit. And if it is Ronald R. I'm out of the war on drugs killed ar.

[Turner Sparks]

You were on a roll. You were. You had Cosby, Macho Man. You had Macho Man. You had Rush Limbaugh, the Maha Rush.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, you're going to need to work on the impressions.

[Turner Sparks]

This also sounds like old Reagan.

[Joe Russell]

Well, I don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

Is that what Ronald Reagan sounded like.

[Turner Sparks]

When he almost died? Like at the very end? Maybe he was an actor.

[Phil Duckett]

I heard he was like John Wayne.

[Turner Sparks]

Like he was an actor level of actor, wasn't he? He was the Gipper. And win one for the Gipper. But that wasn't the main character. He was like the sick guy in the bed the whole time. So maybe that is what he sounded like. Oh, no. He wasn't even like a, A. I don't think he was an A list actor.

[Phil Duckett]

He was like Schwarzenegger becoming governor.

[Turner Sparks]

No, he was like. I think he was like a working actor. Like if.

[Joe Russell]

Well, actually, Phil, Phil, Ronald Reagan became the governor of California. He was.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, he was.

[Phil Duckett]

Before president.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Wow. That was the launch pad. You know what, I'm gonna say something. Let's change the rules. Why can't Arnold be president?

[Phil Duckett]

I love Arnold sound natural born.

[Turner Sparks]

I know, but screw it. But then Musk would run that'd be the issue. Musk versus Arnold. I'd take it. Bring it on.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know. I don't like that game.

[Joe Russell]

You gotta put the subtitles on.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

For.

[Phil Duckett]

Everybody wouldn't understand shit.

[Turner Sparks]

Both of their parents are Nazis.

[Phil Duckett]

What were they?

[Turner Sparks]

Schwarzenegger's dad is a Nazi and Musk's grandparents were Nazis. Yeah, that would be wild.

[Phil Duckett]

So America would love them if they.

[Turner Sparks]

Ran against each other. But Schwarzenegger's clearly not a Nazi, is he? No, he's a good man.

[Phil Duckett]

It's in him.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, but he's a good. He was my governor when I was living out there.

[Phil Duckett]

And y'all. Y'all had. Y'all were like. That was like when business was booming. Huh.

[Turner Sparks]

I thought he was a great governor. His. He. I remember he had. I went to his rally downtown one time in Sacramento and he had Twisted Sister play the band because his theme song was We're Not Gonna Take It. We're not Gonna Take It. So he had that band. It's dudes who dress up like women. It's very progressive, actually for the moment. Right.

[Phil Duckett]

Wow.

[Turner Sparks]

That's Twisted Sister. They were like an 80s cross dressing heavy metal band. And he had him out there on the lawn of the state capitol and he was. It was so cool because he would. You know how people say, like when they run for president, they're like, when I get to Washington, we're gonna do this and that and that. They use Washington as a term for the United States.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

He used Sacramento. So he's like, when I get to Sacramento, I will pump up Sacramento. We're like, yeah. No one ever said Sacramento that much like in our lives.

[Phil Duckett]

Wow. So we're like, Arnie now. I mean, I love him as an actor. I don't really know any of his policies, but they seem like California did well.

[Turner Sparks]

He was a centrist. A Republican. He was a Republican. He was a Republican who was pretty much down the middle. He just ran as a Republican, but.

[Phil Duckett]

He was kind of liberal.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

He was just.

[Joe Russell]

What's funny is he's used the phrase, I'm gonna pump you up, but that's an SNL parody of him.

[Turner Sparks]

Is it? They came up. Yeah, he stole it from them.

[Joe Russell]

Yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

He used it a lot.

[Joe Russell]

You know those guys, Hans and Franz, Dana Carvey.

[Phil Duckett]

That was also. He. He never said there was a parody. And then he took.

[Joe Russell]

Yeah, it just became like what they. People thought.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I always thought. He really said, I'm going to pump yeah you up. That said it in. He was it Heavyweights. No. Little giants. Yeah.

[Joe Russell]

Hans and Fr. Was that.

[Phil Duckett]

I did not know that.

[Joe Russell]

It's just like how Hans and Fr.

[Turner Sparks]

It would be like if George. But junior started saying strategy.

[Joe Russell]

Yeah. Well, actually George Bush senior never said not gonna do it. He never. He never did that. It's all Dana Carve.

[Turner Sparks]

He's a genius.

[Phil Duckett]

Hans and Franz also not gonna do it. Oh.

[Joe Russell]

He Kevin Neand God.

[Phil Duckett]

So he should be running for president.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I tell you something? I was. I was home at my parents house like a week ago and I come home and my mom's backyard putting tiling into like the wall of their house. And you know what I thought I was like, this is what happens when there's no. Like all the illegals are out of the country.

[Phil Duckett]

My mom's doing manual labor. White grand got sent back.

[Turner Sparks]

Suburban white grandmas are now doing their own tiling.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, they're not all illegal. They could have. They could have found somebody.

[Turner Sparks]

She was like, I told her that. And she was like, you're not kidding. She's like, all my friends, Barbara and.

[Phil Duckett]

Susan, she lost her nanny.

[Turner Sparks]

Everybody's doing their own. Yeah. They're raking their own yards. It's a crisis out there in suburban America.

[Phil Duckett]

Terrified to come out in the daytime.

[Turner Sparks]

Terrified.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what happens. We get rid of all the illegals.

[Turner Sparks]

What happens? I literally. Myrna's doing. Putting into a tile like on the wall. I'm like, you've never done this in your life. She's like, I had to watch YouTube.

[Phil Duckett]

All the illegals are going.

[Turner Sparks]

She didn't know what was going on. She ain't lying.

[Phil Duckett]

I ain't seen a house been built in months.

[Turner Sparks]

Nothing. The economy's come to a standstill.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh my God.

[Turner Sparks]

And then I read that in the. The farmers. I saw, or I saw it, sorry, this thing where they're out there like picking their own cotton. The. The strawberries and all that stuff in California, I bet. And they're like, literally no one. The people who are around are hiding. Like they don't. They're like, if I come to work, I'm a sitting duck.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. They're gonna come check the field.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. So just know.

[Phil Duckett]

So when I were at this last job before I quit, when. When Trump first got in the first 100 days, like the beginning, all of our Spanish cleaners didn't show up. They were like. They were like, it's just a. They were like, we're protesting. But I was like, oh, protesting. That was like, y'all don't want to get picked up.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Because I know my boy. He was like. He got here in America from a coyote. I was like, really? I was like, I did not. He was dead serious.

[Turner Sparks]

He's like, wait, you guys, it's not a real coyote, right?

[Phil Duckett]

It was Wiley Coyote.

[Turner Sparks]

Coyote is the term they use to mean a smuggler.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I thought he followed a coyote.

[Turner Sparks]

Because I know a comedian. He thought he followed a coyote.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that was following the stars.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, it was a Navajo or something.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, I thought he was like, the Wolf Whisperer.

[Turner Sparks]

No, there's a comedian, New York. I'm not gonna say his name because I don't know his legal status. I'll tell you guys.

[Phil Duckett]

A coyote then.

[Turner Sparks]

He's told me in the past he came here with a coyote when he was a kid.

[Phil Duckett]

He was on our podcast.

[Turner Sparks]

He hasn't been on our podcast. No, no, no, no. He was on my previous podcast. But you guys all know him. I'll tell you off air, okay? But he. Wilford Pad, the Philippines. You didn't come on a boat with a coyote?

[Phil Duckett]

Wilford Pat.

[Turner Sparks]

No, this guy came from. Up. From Latin America. Let's just. I'll leave it at that. But he said him and his family, when he was a kid, had to come through a coyote, which means a smuggler. You pay a bunch of money. It's wildly dangerous, because once you pay him the money, they.

[Phil Duckett]

Even though I realized I was with you, I know what a coyote is.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, you didn't know? Okay. I was trying to figure out.

[Phil Duckett]

I was like, the way you were explaining, I was like, you do know I was playing around, right? I didn't think. Wy.

[Turner Sparks]

I didn't know you were doing a bit.

[Phil Duckett]

Jesus Christ. Okay. That's ridiculous.

[Turner Sparks]

Anyway, the coyotes, I think, are out of work probably.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, they. They still have sex trafficking.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, they're always.

[Phil Duckett]

Got some money out there now. Cocaine.

[Turner Sparks]

Where was that? Atlanta Airport yesterday. And this just jolly voice came over to the intercom, and the guy was like, hey, everybody, welcome to the Atlanta Airport. If. Do us a favor, if you see anybody out there who might be sex trafficking, let us know.

[Phil Duckett]

Let me tell you. Atlanta Airport, like, so. Atlanta Airport. Because I lived in Atlanta. My sister lives there. That is one of the few airports in the world, I tell you, where you literally need to get there two hours before your flight. It is that busy.

[Turner Sparks]

It was a. No, no.

[Phil Duckett]

It is a mess. It is like, you know, and when I'm South Carolina. I mean, I literally say get there, too. I'm getting there, like, 45 minutes before, and I'm like, I get straight through.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Even LaGuardia. Unless it's spirit.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, it's good.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, you're fine. Hartsfield Jackson Airport in Atlanta. You need to be there two hours. I have come so close to missing flights on some. It is that many people.

[Turner Sparks]

I was stuck there for six hours.

[Phil Duckett]

And not to mention, even when you get there, it's not even the lines. You got to take the subway to whatever terminal you're in. That can take like, 30 minutes.

[Turner Sparks]

Connecting.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Connect. They go, you've landed at Terminal B. Your next flight in 30 minutes is at Terminal F. Yeah. I'm like, how do I get there? They go, oh, there's a train outside right there. Now all of a sudden, there's a conductor.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, you can walk. I've literally sprinted it. Like, sprinted it. I'm talking winded. Like, I was like, I just got a mile.

[Turner Sparks]

Easily. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Moving.

[Turner Sparks]

We had train.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, it's a train in the airport.

[Turner Sparks]

Place stinks.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Don't go to the Atlanta airport. This is gonna be a new segment. I'm just, like, trashing. And apparently it's the number one sex trafficking, because I never heard that just over an interview.

[Phil Duckett]

Pretty big hub because you got Miami. Everything stops in Atlanta, I guess.

[Turner Sparks]

So should we get to the questions?

[Phil Duckett]

We should.

[Turner Sparks]

We got a lot. Why not? Let's get right to it. We'll be right back. Everybody, with your. Wait, no Patreon. We didn't promote our Patreon. Let's do that. Patreon.com blackand white device. We're almost there. Once we get to $250, we're taking Phil to a punk rock concert.

[Phil Duckett]

Starting to think it'll never happen. So y'all let me know it's going to be happening.

[Turner Sparks]

It's happening soon. We're actually. We're at, like, 181. Well, I don't even know where we're at now because I don't know when this comes out. But as of recording, we're at 180, which means it's like seven more people put in ten bucks or three and a half. You put in 20 and we're there.

[Phil Duckett]

Literally don't smoke weed for one day.

[Turner Sparks]

And all it is per month.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm on day 28. No weed.

[Turner Sparks]

Are you?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, 28.

[Turner Sparks]

Good for you.

[Phil Duckett]

It's wild.

[Turner Sparks]

I knew something was different. You're also kind of like, you're working.

[Phil Duckett]

Out and working out. Yeah, no weed. I mean, I'm gonna See how long I was trying to go to. Fortunately.

[Turner Sparks]

Fish though. But besides that.

[Phil Duckett]

Thanks, Turner. Well, Rome one built in a day. All right, get left. Can we take it one day at a time?

[Joe Russell]

I'm drinking too.

[Phil Duckett]

That a boy, Joe. So I did that Ronald Reagan at the beginning.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, exact.

[Joe Russell]

I can't do Cosby again.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

Cosby was the best one you've done.

[Turner Sparks]

Russia had like a four week run.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes, very true. But Cosby has such a negative connotation.

[Turner Sparks]

That's true. Even worse than Rush.

[Phil Duckett]

I left my drink around him, though. It was fun.

[Turner Sparks]

You met Cosby?

[Phil Duckett]

No, I'm talking Joe.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, Joe. Oh, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

All right.

[Turner Sparks]

Patreon.com Blackand White advice everybody. And we're doing a live show May 22nd at New York Comedy Club. Get your tickets to that. If you sign up for Patreon, it's five bucks. That's the cheapest. You can get in for five bucks to join Patreon and you, you get in for free to the show, which is 35, 25 to 35 bucks per ticket. So it's a good deal. We'll be right back with your black and white advice, questions and answers.

[Ronald Reagan]

Ready to prioritize yourself. Your skin is a great place to start. Dime Beauty, founded by a master esthetician, is more than just a skincare company. With four skin conscious categories. Skin care, beauty, body care and fragrance. Daim offers simple, spa worthy products that will help bring your glow back. Whether you're revitalizing your regimen with nourishing products or building one from scratch, Dime makes it easy. The work system. Our all in one best selling routine includes a cleanser of your choice, toners, serums and moisturizers. Taking the guesswork out of skincare for your healthiest, happiest skin yet. Dime's commitment to clean ingredients and sustainable packaging ensures every product is as gentle on your skin as it is on the planet. With thousands of glowing five star reviews and a loyal community, the results speak for themselves. Revive your skin and give yourself the routine refresh you deserve by visiting dime beauty co.com that's dime beauty co.com your best skin awaits.

[Turner Sparks]

Hey, you want to get bonus content, early episodes and have your questions answered on the show?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, then subscribe to our [e-mail] blackand whiteadvice and subscribe right now.

[Turner Sparks]

Do it and we'll give you a shout out on a future episode and.

[Phil Duckett]

I might call you an N word.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we're back with the black and white advice, questions and answers. The first question comes from Dayc. Now let's do Eddie in Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

[Phil Duckett]

What's up, Tar Heel?

[Turner Sparks]

He says, I'm in college at unc.

[Phil Duckett]

Daddy. I'm a big Tar Heel.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm thinking of getting my first tattoo, but I don't want to be. I don't want it to be a cliche. What are the types of tattoos that white people get? And I'm also curious. What are the typical ones that black people get? I guess he's probably white, but I can't. You can't really tell.

[Phil Duckett]

There's really no typical tattoos.

[Turner Sparks]

There's white people for sure.

[Phil Duckett]

What are the black people tattoos?

[Turner Sparks]

Tramp stamp.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I know black. Plenty of black women.

[Turner Sparks]

Black people get that too.

[Phil Duckett]

Black women, not men. Yeah, I think it's just a woman.

[Turner Sparks]

If a man gets it.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, why? Who's gonna see that?

[Turner Sparks]

The male tramp stamp is quite the.

[Phil Duckett]

Who's holding your waist? Yeah. No black people tattoos.

[Turner Sparks]

What about those tribal tattoos?

[Phil Duckett]

Praying hands. Praying Black people always got. I have. Oh, I think I have. I have open hands. I don't have praying hands. I don't want. But I have open God's hands.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

Still same thing.

[Turner Sparks]

So religious.

[Phil Duckett]

Religious place is always going to be. But I know white dudes with crosses and stuff. But the praying hands is a pretty black thing for sure.

[Turner Sparks]

White guys do the. The used to be barbed wire.

[Phil Duckett]

The barbed wire. The. The. The all Stone Cold Steve. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

The guns off the barbed wire or like the native American tribal sort of thing.

[Phil Duckett]

White people get that.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Which is so wild, they don't know what. Considering they sent them to the reservation.

[Turner Sparks]

They have no idea what tribe they're referring to.

[Phil Duckett]

A white man with a dream catcher. It's like.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, all right.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, Yeah. I would say black people touch praying hands. Teardrop.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, well, that does. Does that mean you killed somebody?

[Phil Duckett]

Depends on if it's. If it's filled in or not. Open means you killed somebody. Teardrop closed. Teardrop means you lost somebody. We can do that.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, see, I didn't know that.

[Phil Duckett]

But the thing is, it's not just black, because I've seen Mexican. It's gang related. Okay, so it's a gang with. Whatever. If you're in a gang, white guy.

[Turner Sparks]

With a teardrop will probably murder you and your whole family.

[Phil Duckett]

First of all, don't play with him. Because you don't.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, that's what I mean.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm telling you, the two signs of don't With a white. A white man with a teardrop and a white man with a cauliflower ear. A white man. A cauliflower is. Scares the. I don't even talk to him. Yeah, because he. He does this.

[Turner Sparks]

He's a professional fighter.

[Phil Duckett]

He does this. All right. He don't give a. About nothing. Yeah. Cauliflower is, like, a telltale sign of badass.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Joe Russell]

I feel like black people have a lot of names of people.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[Joe Russell]

Or, like, a portrait names.

[Phil Duckett]

Or baby. Their baby footprints. Their kids footprints.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, that's a big one.

[Phil Duckett]

That's a pretty big one in the blade. That's ghetto.

[Turner Sparks]

Here's a white woman you should never date. The one who has a tattoo that says, only God can judge me.

[Phil Duckett]

That. First of all. Yeah, that means you're off.

[Turner Sparks]

Off the register.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, but. Or. Or a white woman with a name.

[Turner Sparks]

Tattoo because you don't see just some other guy's name.

[Phil Duckett]

Name. Or her kids. If her. If their names on her. Either her kids are mixed or her baby daddy's black. Something. I mean, like, it's like one of them. It's a guarantee. Because that's just not one you see on white. When you see them, like, oh, she. She knows black.

[Turner Sparks]

What's the worst tattoo you've ever seen?

[Phil Duckett]

Any cheap one.

[Turner Sparks]

I remember Byron Scott. Not Byron Scott.

[Phil Duckett]

My tattoo. I got done my first tattoo.

[Turner Sparks]

What is that?

[Phil Duckett]

It's my initials. I got done in my garage with a sewing needle and a toothbrush.

[Turner Sparks]

You got a prison tattoo in your own garage?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. My parents would let me get one. So when I was in community college, this guy was like, I know how to tattoo, and he came over.

[Turner Sparks]

A community college tattoo.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. And I literally. The thing is, it looks 10 times better than it did, and it still looks like. Because I had. I went to a tattoo shop, had them go over it because it was really.

[Turner Sparks]

Did you get, like, hepatitis also?

[Phil Duckett]

No, it was a fresh needle I got from my mom's sewing kit.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, and he did. What do they do? They dip it in. I don't have any tattoos.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah, you dip it in. But then he. He made a tattoo gun out of a. Out of a PlayStation controller.

[Turner Sparks]

This is a prison tat.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, it was a prison.

[Turner Sparks]

Jesus. Why didn't you go?

[Phil Duckett]

My parents wouldn't let me.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, but they let you in the garage.

[Phil Duckett]

I lived there.

[Turner Sparks]

No, but I mean. What do you mean? Not, like, how much you mean. You just didn't have the money to.

[Phil Duckett]

Go, and you had to be 18 to get tattooed. Oh, I was 17.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

So, yeah. So he was like, I can give you a tat. And my parents already said, no not to. You're out of our house. That my parents allow piercings or tattoos. So I left their house. That was, like, a rule.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

So I was like, all right, you can come over and do it.

[Joe Russell]

There's a female comic we both know, and I've never. I've seen it. This isn't a. The worst tattoo, but it's the wildest tattoo. She's got a tattoo of a rat. It's crawling towards her vagina, so it's, like, right near her. And on the other side is a skeleton rat that's coming out of it.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh.

[Turner Sparks]

I mean, listen, I'm sure she's a sweetheart.

[Phil Duckett]

I bet.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't want to offend you. Say, I know the person.

[Phil Duckett]

I've seen a girl that had a tattoo on her pelvis that said finish here. Ah, yeah. Lord, Lord.

[Turner Sparks]

I was gonna say, remember Dennis Scott, the basketball player had his own face tattooed on his arm?

[Phil Duckett]

I know that.

[Turner Sparks]

Remember he played for the Magic, the Orlando magic in the 90s. He had his own face. To me, that was the worst. But I hadn't thought of the finish here option.

[Phil Duckett]

There's so many.

[Turner Sparks]

That's much worse.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Another. Another ghetto one is the butterfly effect, where, like, strippers get a butterfly tattooed on their ass. When they clap, it looks like it's flat.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, wow.

[Phil Duckett]

I've seen that, like, a lot. That's pretty.

[Turner Sparks]

There's a lot of women now doing the. Almost like the cleavage tattoo.

[Phil Duckett]

The sternum right here in the middle. That's. Or like, right under here. That's a big one.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. That's a rough. I don't know. That's a rough look.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. It depends on how hot she is. Rihanna has it.

[Turner Sparks]

I guess so does everything.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, it's Rihanna. Rihanna has. It's not. It's not trash.

[Turner Sparks]

So much of life depends on how hot you are.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, most of it.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, there's.

[Phil Duckett]

And I don't hate tramp stamps. It's like a bullseye.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know when Halle Berry got. Had short hair.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Oh, do I?

[Turner Sparks]

And so then everyone thought, oh, if I get short hair, you have to. Have to look like Halle Berry. It's like. No. First you have to look like Hal.

[Phil Duckett]

And then you got these Halle Berry has.

[Turner Sparks]

His is good looking despite her.

[Phil Duckett]

You have to have the right jawline, right face. Yeah. Then you got these obese women, like Mr. Potato Head with a short haircut.

[Turner Sparks]

Exactly. You know, that's my point. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You can't do it. Every. Every hairstyle is not for everybody.

[Turner Sparks]

Don't fall for it just because a supermodel or a famous person.

[Phil Duckett]

But that's literally how every trend starts.

[Turner Sparks]

I know.

[Phil Duckett]

The person doesn't like, oh, I love that on her. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, Deborah, no, you got to do something. Like, if Hillary Clinton can make a haircut look good, then you probably got a good shot at it, too. And you know what I mean?

[Phil Duckett]

But see, Hillary keeps it conservative. She knows what she's good at.

[Turner Sparks]

She has that. But you should be taking your style advice from someone uglier than you. Is that not better looking than you? Because if an uglier person can look.

[Phil Duckett]

I'll look better than even better. I think that's a great rule of thumb.

[Turner Sparks]

That's a rule of thumb. Next question.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Joe Russell]

Wait, one more thing.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Joe Russell]

Do you guys ever remember seeing someone with, like, a. Back in the 90s, like, a Tasmanian devil tattoo?

[Phil Duckett]

Yes.

[Joe Russell]

Taz was huge.

[Phil Duckett]

Because you remember the T shirt. I actually look. You remember the T shirts with Bugs Bunny and Taz sagging with the backwards hat?

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

That was actually. I look, they have them. They're like, fucking $400 now. No, back in the 90s, those were the cool. I had one, and I was like, I would love to have one again. And they have. They're making the vintage teas, but they're like, 400. Who is that alien?

[Joe Russell]

Who's that alien dude with, like, the.

[Phil Duckett]

Marvin the Martian?

[Turner Sparks]

Marvin the Martian.

[Joe Russell]

He was everywhere, too.

[Turner Sparks]

Not only is they $400, but you're buying some other guy's old T shirt. Yeah, it's like a used shirt.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I mean, they're making them new again, but they're like vintage style. But that's what the new ones are. Like 400. I'm sure you could find one. Maybe. But they're hard to find in vintage stores because they're that popular.

[Turner Sparks]

That was the same as, like, the Bart Simpson. Like, no way, man.

[Phil Duckett]

When they were wearing that, he was wearing the Michael Jordan jersey. Those were cool as fuck. To the Bart Simpson.

[Turner Sparks]

The early Bart Simpson. He was like a totally different kid.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Oh, man, what a time. The 90s.

[Turner Sparks]

Eat my shorts, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Eat my shorts, yeah. Damn, what a time.

[Turner Sparks]

Next question. This is from let's go with Diego and Flagstaff, Arizona. He says, why do white men love model trains? I think it. There's an autism aspect to it.

[Phil Duckett]

I think anything that gets you away from your wife.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, that's the answer. That's. That's it.

[Phil Duckett]

They hate their wives, and they're like, this white guy. This is gonna take me six weeks.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. White grandpas spend a lot of time in the garage.

[Phil Duckett]

It's like golf. I didn't. You know, as a kid, I didn't understand golf. And now that I'm older, I love playing golf. And so my boys, who are all married, they're like, it's the only time you get three hours away from the kids, from the wife.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my God.

[Phil Duckett]

And you're just with the boys.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And they're like, and I suck at golf.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

But I. We get to drink and smoke. The entire.

[Turner Sparks]

People pay, like, 200 bucks just to get away from their famil.

[Phil Duckett]

Come on. That's. That is what. Now that I'm older, I love being out there. I'm just like. It's just. It's just the fellas, man, we hanging, and it feels like high school.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. That's model train.

[Phil Duckett]

Model trains.

[Turner Sparks]

We had a guy. He. He old guy in our neighborhood took it to the next level. He volunteered at the train museum downtown.

[Phil Duckett]

He's a pedophile. No, man, but that's a whole nother level. It's one thing to be in your garage.

[Turner Sparks]

No.

[Phil Duckett]

Go down there to be with the little kids. Like, and this.

[Turner Sparks]

He was a World War II veteran.

[Phil Duckett]

Cool.

[Turner Sparks]

He was in. He. He fought in China. And he told me one time, he goes, where'd you live in China? I'm like, oh, Suzhou. He's like, oh, I was on the Food Chow river, which is what they used to call it in the old days. And he's like, yeah, change the river's name. No, like, we just imposed all these names of cities on China. They weren't the actual Real, like, Canton. You know, Canton restaurants and stuff.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

This actually means Guangdong in China. It's called Guangdong. Yeah, Guangdong.

[Phil Duckett]

We just Americanize it.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Suzhou, where I lived, they. They called it Su Chow. So there's like, some movie from the 90s where Brad Pitts and Robert Redford are trying to escape from the Food Chow prison, maybe even the 2000s. I'm like, it hasn't been called Food Chow since, like, the 50s. Dude, if you're gonna make a movie, at least do research, call it what it is.

[Phil Duckett]

But anyway, so Cantonese isn't a real thing?

[Turner Sparks]

Well, it's what we. It's like what the British came in and called all these cities.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. It then really?

[Turner Sparks]

Guangdong. Yeah, Guangdong. Yeah. And then they were like, we can't pronounce that. We're calling Canton. It's like, why can't you pronounce Guangdong? I don't know. What's the. Or such. Yeah, it didn't feel like it. So, anyway, he was telling me that he was coming down the river in World War II because we supported the Chinese during that time In World War II, we were allies with the Russians and the Chinese, Right? So he's. He gets sent to China to fight the Japanese.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, man.

[Turner Sparks]

And he goes, dude, we're going down the river, and there's the Chinese on one side, and then the Japanese on one side and the Taiwanese who were breaking away.

[Phil Duckett]

How'd you know who to shoot?

[Turner Sparks]

Well, he said he didn't because we just shot it.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm gonna be honest with you.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I might have turned the pistol on the dude in the boat.

[Turner Sparks]

He was like.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

He was like. We just. We didn't know what we were doing.

[Phil Duckett]

How do I know? You infiltrate us right now.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No idea.

[Phil Duckett]

I ain't gonna lie. It's racist. But at the same time, like, I'm gonna be honest. I never would want to be in that situation. I'm just spraying now.

[Turner Sparks]

That's what he did, because we just were like, let it rip.

[Phil Duckett]

Jesus. That's a. That's a tough position.

[Turner Sparks]

He's like, I still kind of feel bad about it.

[Phil Duckett]

Is the Yangtze river actually called the Yangtze?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the Yangtze River.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what this tap. Ping. That's my mom's nickname for me.

[Turner Sparks]

Wow.

[Phil Duckett]

The story of Ping. My mom used to read it to me, and she used to say, I'm. You're my Ping. So the story of Ping is this domesticated duck in China, and they used to be on the Yangtze river, and every morning, the fishermen would let out the ducks to roam the river.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And Ping was an explorer, and he always liked adventure. And one day, he ventured too far off from the rest of the flock, and he didn't get back in in time from his call. So that whole night, he went down the Yangtze river on different adventures. At the end of the story, he comes back and gets with the rest of the flock, and they let him in. And my mom's like, you're my Ping. You're my Wanderer.

[Turner Sparks]

Dude, we got to take you to the Yangtze River.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

So that's why you got to go to the act.

[Phil Duckett]

Everybody thinks it's for golf, but, no, my mom. That's the story I mean, settled.

[Turner Sparks]

We're going to China. Thank you.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what it took.

[Turner Sparks]

We're going.

[Phil Duckett]

I've been asking for weeks.

[Turner Sparks]

We're going to the Yangzi.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Ping.

[Turner Sparks]

Even if we don't do a show, because I don't want to go to prison. We might do a show. We'll see how it goes.

[Phil Duckett]

I just want to go. I've always want to go to Asia in general. And I have a cousin lives in Japan, so I would like make it a full thing.

[Turner Sparks]

So where Ye is from, Suzhou is not far from the Yangtze River.

[Phil Duckett]

Really?

[Turner Sparks]

It's in the Yangtze river delta. Like.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, I got to go.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

It's my homecoming done. It's my mecca.

[Turner Sparks]

Ping should be your Chinese name too.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I'd love. I mean, it's already on. Ping, baby. That's fire.

[Turner Sparks]

Next question.

[Joe Russell]

Name him after a golf ball.

[Phil Duckett]

Hey, the white man took that and named the golf ball after them.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Seriously?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Turner Sparks]

Do you remember Norm MacDonald's joke? He goes, ping pong this. He's like, little known fact, Ping pong's the only sport ever named after its inventor.

[Phil Duckett]

Is that a little made up?

[Turner Sparks]

Completely made up. There's not a man in China named ping pong.

[Phil Duckett]

Such a fun fact.

[Turner Sparks]

A good joke. Next question. Steve, I'm a white dude in Austin, Texas. He says, is black church really that fun like in the movies? Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Compared to white church, it's super fun.

[Turner Sparks]

It's so boring. White.

[Phil Duckett]

I've been to white church. I've been to a Presbyterian church, and I've been to Catholic church. And I. And let me tell you, I mean, as a kid, I still just was like, God, mom. Because I was. Grew up very religious. So not only was I there on Sunday, I was there on Wednesday night for Bible study. I was there on Monday nights for choir rehearsal. I spent a lot of time in church. And even still, as much as I was like, this is so boring. I went to white church. I was like, there's. I would probably be an atheist if.

[Turner Sparks]

I went to white church. Most white church is deaf. The Catholic mass is the most boring thing.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, first of all, Catholic mass is a workout. Stand up, Neil. Stand up, Neil. Stand. And the fucking. And the benches, even with the padding are just so medieval.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, it's like wood from the.

[Phil Duckett]

From the 14th century on fire.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah. And then it's the same thing because we had to go. I went to Catholic high school, so we had once a month mandatory mass. Used to be once a Week, thankfully, they shorted to once a month. Even that was. It's the same program every week.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And the only thing that's slightly different is the sermon, but the order that they do everything.

[Phil Duckett]

And that was my biggest thing was the music. I was like, so y'all ain't got no music? And then who knows how to play an organization? They're literally playing the organ. Black church, the music is fantastic.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

But the thing is, I went to non denominational churches that were like half and half and with a white pastor.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And even still, the music was better.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

They're playing acoustic guitar, but they had guitars, they had drums. So it's still a production.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So it was like, okay, yeah. Then you go to Southern Baptist, like where I grew up in my grandma's, and it's great. But black church. Yeah. It's always the music. You always got somebody catching the Holy Ghost. They running around.

[Turner Sparks]

Catching the Holy Ghost.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, man.

[Turner Sparks]

What does that mean? They get him. They get. Yeah, The Holy Ghost jumps in them.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And then they sprint.

[Phil Duckett]

They start sprinting and running. Then they pass out and, you know, I mean, it's like, really?

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, and then to get revived, the.

[Phil Duckett]

Pastor lays hands on them and they.

[Turner Sparks]

Collapse and they wake up.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, oh, no, they go.

[Phil Duckett]

They go down. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And then when they go down, because the pastor laid. The Holy Ghost got into him. Is that like. Is anyone giving them cpr?

[Phil Duckett]

No, they're not dead.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, but they're.

[Phil Duckett]

They're Breathe out. They. They collapse.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay. You know, I mean, so there's no, like. Do you need, like.

[Phil Duckett]

There's no defibrillators?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

They're not bringing out the bag.

[Turner Sparks]

Shocked? Electrocuted?

[Phil Duckett]

No. No.

[Turner Sparks]

There's no ambulance.

[Phil Duckett]

No.

[Turner Sparks]

Because I would be concerned.

[Phil Duckett]

What now you turn them and just go down and start giving a woman mouth to mouth? Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Some grandma.

[Phil Duckett]

The spirit of the Lord moved.

[Turner Sparks]

But what happens if somebody actually does pass out?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, you wouldn't. Wouldn't know.

[Turner Sparks]

To them, you wouldn't know. They're just dead people.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. And then at the end, it's like, okay, Sister Jones, you can get up now.

[Turner Sparks]

And she's like, yeah, she's out, she's done. She's cold.

[Phil Duckett]

She's going home to glory.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, ours was. So I grew up Methodist and then later on Presbyterian when we moved to New York. It's more fun. The Catholics, by far, the most boring by far, but. And then the Methodists, ours was at least, like, I had an acoustic guitar. But then we would go to San Francisco sometimes to Cecil Williams. That's like a mixed church, you know.

[Phil Duckett]

Pastor was gay.

[Turner Sparks]

No, he was a black guy. Like an old black guy. No, but a lot of the congregation was gay because it was San Francisco and it was big deal because he was the first he would let in gay people like in the 80s and stuff. And that was. The choir was on fire. It was the best.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

But it was like, mostly, I think it was a black.

[Phil Duckett]

See, even in my churches. No, I mean now it's probably different. They're probably openly gay people, but you don't really see them, I don't think. But like, like it was a known thing in like black churches. Like the, the choir director. The director of music was normally clearly gay. Yeah. But he would always say, I was delivered. Like, I no longer have a desire for men. And you like, oh, brother Randall.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh. So they would admit, I used to.

[Phil Duckett]

Be gay, but the Lord delivered me. And I'm like, I don't know if that's.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't know if that exists.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Because I was like, I don't think I could ever be delivered from.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So to get delivered from butthole.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Would be like, that's hard. It'd be tough.

[Turner Sparks]

That's difficult.

[Phil Duckett]

I think you're already in it.

[Turner Sparks]

No pun intended.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, you're already in it. You know what I mean?

[Turner Sparks]

I think in San Francisco this go. It was just, what are you going to do if you have church? You don't. Well, the thing.

[Phil Duckett]

The Bible. The Bible says you love everybody. So. So that. I think that's where it became. It's like you still need to accept these people. I think like hardcore religion. That's why a lot of people turn away from religion. Like, well, the Bible says love everybody, but you hate gays.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You can't have.

[Turner Sparks]

It doesn't add up.

[Phil Duckett]

But at the same time, you also can't be in here like hand job and dudes in the church.

[Turner Sparks]

True.

[Phil Duckett]

You know what I mean?

[Turner Sparks]

But you couldn't do that as a straight person. I mean. No. A lot of people hooked up at our church growing up, but it was.

[Phil Duckett]

After the first sexual encounter. The first sexual encounter. I. One of the first sexual encounters I had was in church. It was a lock in.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh yeah, those were.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, it was nothing but debauchery.

[Turner Sparks]

Did they try to do the lava pit?

[Phil Duckett]

What was that?

[Turner Sparks]

At our church? They. When they do the lock ins. Because they knew what they were doing. Right. So they would. But they would try to say, all right, so they'd put, like, a line down the middle, maybe, like 10ft wide. The girls had to be one side, the boys on the other side. They're like, that's it. It's a lava pit. If anyone goes in there, you're going to get burned by the Lord, so you can't go in. And then the second, like, the adults would go to sleep, everybody would just start making out.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, see, no, there was no llama pits. But they were like, girls, separate. They have to be separate. But, yeah, the chick was. She was sleeping on one of the pews. Yeah, I had my sleeping bag on the floor beside the pew. Yeah, yeah, I was in there.

[Turner Sparks]

But isn't that what they want anyway? I think they do that on purpose.

[Phil Duckett]

You think because they want you, you're.

[Turner Sparks]

Gonna hook up anyway? You might. You want. They want you to hook up with someone in the church.

[Phil Duckett]

Christian girl.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And what they didn't realize is the. The church girls were the freakiest. That they even exist.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Church. Just like the pastor's kid's always the worst kid.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Just like a cop son is always this preacher son's the worst.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. The church girls are freaks.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

To this day, people like. To this day, even at our age, every. When dudes, I'm there, you know where you go to find a woman. They're like, church. Because once all the reformed whores, they're like, I've changed my life. Like, you've had 38 dicks this week, so now it's time to give your life. They're still freaky. They're just, like, trying to be better.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Joe Russell]

You got to go to church and find the girl with that weird tattoo.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah. The one with the tramps. She's like, I was the property of a Hell's angel, but now I found.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. They're like. She's like, you like, I've been clean for 21 days.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. That from dick.

[Turner Sparks]

That's how you know Cha Ching. Cha Ching is my kind of church.

[Phil Duckett]

That's literally what it is.

[Turner Sparks]

Have sworn off men. Yeah. Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

I'd be in church now. Sometimes I'd be like, damn, she fine. Like, you know.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. People get dressed up, they look nice.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. And they. The dress is fitting. Like, oh, she got some ass on her.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. They know what I'm doing.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm gonna pray for Phil.

[Joe Russell]

How long are like, black churches, though? Does it go for on way too long?

[Phil Duckett]

It depends. It depends. So the Southern Baptist. You're gonna miss the football game. Oh, yeah. Because they start at 11. I remember we've started service started 11, and then like around 2:30.

[Turner Sparks]

And people put up with that. People are like, excuse me, there's a game.

[Phil Duckett]

Nobody.

[Turner Sparks]

My pastor Larry George shout out would tell the score of the 49ers game.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, no, never.

[Turner Sparks]

He'd be like, hey, the north, the first. Everybody will be done in five minutes. It's the end of the first quarter. Niners are up 7. Nothing.

[Phil Duckett]

Never. No. Our church was like. They're like, you can give your Saturday nights to the devil, but you can't give the Lord three hours on a Sunday. Oh, buddy.

[Turner Sparks]

But they couldn't start at nine, so you're out of there by one.

[Phil Duckett]

That's still a long time.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But they started 11 games are on what time on the East Coast.

[Phil Duckett]

They don't care nothing about the game. Yeah, they don't care because they're like, there's another game after it.

[Turner Sparks]

That's rough.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. You can be in the club for five hours. You don't check the time.

[Turner Sparks]

I'll be honest.

[Phil Duckett]

Why can't you give the Lord who woke you up this morning?

[Turner Sparks]

I don't know if we would have gone to church if that was the issue, if that was because ours is at 9, over at 10. But the game would start at 10. So sometimes on the West Coast, NFL starts at 10.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, my God.

[Turner Sparks]

So sometimes football games start at 10.

[Phil Duckett]

In the morning on the West Coast.

[Turner Sparks]

10Am and 1pm oh, my God. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I never even thought about that. I've always been on the East.

[Turner Sparks]

That's why you can't live in la.

[Phil Duckett]

No, I'd be pissed.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. You have to wake up at 10 to watch football. Yeah. Forget going to a game. You have to be up at 8:00am, 7:00am God.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. That's crazy. I already thought of that.

[Turner Sparks]

So then the pastor would. He would work quick to get you out of there.

[Phil Duckett]

That's nuts.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. So it is more fun. Sister act is, I think, what everyone's.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, happy day.

[Turner Sparks]

Pretty great movie.

[Phil Duckett]

What a great movie. When the kids. When Jesus. That was. That was the best.

[Turner Sparks]

Ends away.

[Phil Duckett]

When he hit. When he hit that note, I was like, oh, man, that's the kid from City High. For all the black people who know music, the guy, the. The guy, the lead singer, City High. What would you do if you're someone now, he was a kid from Sister.

[Turner Sparks]

Act and Lauryn Hill was in the second one. Right? Yeah. Great movie. All right. Should we do one more or We. Because we got to save one for Patreon. I don't know where we're at timing.

[Joe Russell]

No, we're good. I think we can end this, baby.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

White lies and dark truths. What do you got?

[Joe Russell]

So we're talking about tattoos. I just looked up a couple more stereotypical tattoos. We forgot about the mom heart tattoo.

[Phil Duckett]

That was a white bike.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, that was our sailors almost. Yeah. Bikers.

[Joe Russell]

Sailors, roses, anchors.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Joe Russell]

Koi fish. Howling wolves.

[Phil Duckett]

White people loved love gentrifying Japanese culture.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, we forgot about Asian lettering.

[Phil Duckett]

Asian. You have no idea what it means. They're like, this means. And meanwhile, it was like, I suck big dicks.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I've never been a big fan unless, like, I had like a friend who spoke the language. That's the only way I'd get.

[Turner Sparks]

You want to make 100%, but I'm.

[Phil Duckett]

Not going to trust the tattoo artist not to with me.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Joe Russell]

Has Yay. Ever seen anyone that's like, that says my balls smell like soup?

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah. She's in the other room.

[Phil Duckett]

Smell like soup.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah. Well, you know one that worked out.

[Phil Duckett]

The Japanese one where they do like, the Japanese, like, sun and people didn't realize that was like, like, that was like the part time in Japan where they were like, oh, the World War II. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Atrocities, basically. It's like a Nazi symbol.

[Phil Duckett]

It's a Nazi symbol, but nobody knew that. So they'd get the FL flag with the stars and be like, it's a Japanese.

[Turner Sparks]

The rising sun. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And they were like, that is the worst ever have. They were full on literally raping and.

[Turner Sparks]

Killing babies in China.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah, that's. Yeah. But that's the way one of the white ones, people didn't realize.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, these people aren't educated. And then. But the one that worked out, though was Allen Iverson has, like loyalty on his neck in Chinese.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And he is wildly popular in China. And I think that's a big part of it. Part of it's because he's short. And so Chinese people like short athlete, like basketball players. I'm not doing a bit here. It's true. Because they're like, oh, it's relatable.

[Phil Duckett]

And people. And people don't realize Allen Iverson wasn't that short. He was 5, 11, 6 foot. But to them.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, compared to everybody. Yeah, yeah, he's 5, 11, 6 foot. But then. And then having the loyalty tattoo was like, it was in Chinese. So they were like, he likes China. He has a Chinese tattoo. And then the other one was Mike Tyson. Who's also super popular in China, literally has Chairman Mao, the communist dictator from the 1970s, on his. On his stomach, which is like a rough.

[Phil Duckett]

I wonder if he knew.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think he totally understands the implications of Chairman Mao, bro.

[Phil Duckett]

That's amazing. Alan Iverson is the reason I want to tattoo that. When I was a kid, I was like, I'm gonna get sleeved up. I did a book report on Alan arson in third grade.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. And I put in where I cut out all the sports, but I put my face on them. Yeah. And I was like, I'm gonna be covered in tats. And then, I mean, I still probably will get sleeved up. But I slowed down a lot because at that time, tattoos were still kind of taboo. And I was like, that's so badass.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

To have, like, that many tats. And then once tattoos became, like, a thing where everybody was tattooing kind of. Kind of like, I remember when I.

[Turner Sparks]

Was kid, there was just a rule. If a guy had a bunch of tattoos, especially sleeves, you just didn't, like, mess with them at all. He could kick your ass.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

But then it became like, if a guy had a bunch of tattoos, you could probably kick.

[Phil Duckett]

And that's where it became like, even now with face tattoos, I'm like, that don't mean. Yeah, I might whoop your ass. Cause you just a. But you want to look tough.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So it's all about the person.

[Turner Sparks]

All right. Anything else?

[Joe Russell]

Yeah, we got. Oh, and also, there's, like, snake tattoos, skulls, yin yangs.

[Phil Duckett]

The yin yang tattoo is a definitely a gentrified tat.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

Because we don't even really know the symbolism of yin and yang.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Just like, oh, that's far, dude.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. It's just cool.

[Joe Russell]

And then one last thing. You're talking about that Norm MacDonald joke. But if you guys want to know who actually invented ping pong.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Joe Russell]

In 1890, Englishman David Foster, attracted by its wide appeal, introduced the first game of tennis on a table. And by 1897, the first national championships were organized in Hungary.

[Phil Duckett]

So he called it ping pong, because that's how it sounded. It wasn't actually Asian, actually.

[Joe Russell]

I don't even know.

[Turner Sparks]

That would be good, because Chinese people dominated ping pong.

[Phil Duckett]

They do, but they dominated everything they pick up.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. But ping pong, it's like, almost like a national sport. Meaning, like, when I used to live out there on the. You know, the Olympics. You watch the Olympics. Summer Olympics. And we. Every time, everything we see is, like, swimming, basketball. It's what I realized when I was out there. They show us those because we're good at those. So they'll show you what you're good at because you're like, we're winning gold and everything. One china. They show them what they're good at. So everything's diving and ping pong, and they win everything. It's on tv.

[Phil Duckett]

They're winning gold, but they couldn't be Forrest Gump.

[Turner Sparks]

They couldn't dominate. You're right. You're right, Turner.

[Joe Russell]

You're right. Ping pong comes from the onomatopoeic sounds the ball makes by hitting the paddle in the table.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, that's what Phil said.

[Phil Duckett]

Boom.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Nailed it.

[Phil Duckett]

Giving the white man credit yet again.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that it? All right, everybody. That's the show Patreon subscribers, stick around. We got one more bonus question for you. I think you're gonna enjoy it. It's about animals being racist, and that'll just. That's just a tease, everybody. If you want to hear it, go to patreon.com black and white device, sign up right now. Five bucks a month. And not only that, but you'll get in free to our show at the New York Comedy Club on May 22. Or if you don't live in New York, we're gonna release it just to the Patreon subscribers. So how about that? Everybody else, stay black.

[Phil Duckett]

Stay black. You've got a question but you're scared to ask?

[Turner Sparks]

Just drop the boys a message? Cause they're up to the task?

[Phil Duckett]

They're all in the dice?

[Turner Sparks]

They ain't always nice?

[Phil Duckett]

But you can't think twice when giving black and white advice. Black and white advice.

[Ronald Reagan]

A lot of products say they're clean, but what does that mean?

[Phil Duckett]

Ritual has high standards for what clean means, like their essential prenatal multivitamin, which.

[Ronald Reagan]

Is heavy metal, tested, clean, label project.

[Phil Duckett]

Certified, and GMO free.

[Ronald Reagan]

It features key mom to baby nutrients like folate, choline, and omega 3. Clean isn't clean enough, especially during pregnancy.

[Phil Duckett]

Get 25% [e-mail] prenatal these statements have not been evaluated by the food and drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose.

[Ronald Reagan]

Treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

[Turner Sparks]

Location, the lab. Quentin only has 24 hours to sell his car. Is that even possible? He goes to Carvana.com.

[Phil Duckett]

What is this, a movie trailer?

[Turner Sparks]

He ignores the doubters, enters his license plate. Wow, that's a great offer.

[Joe Russell]

The car is sold, but will Carvana.

[Ronald Reagan]

Pick it up in time?

[Turner Sparks]

They'll literally pick it up tomorrow.

[Phil Duckett]

Morning.

[Ronald Reagan]

Done with the dramatics?

[Turner Sparks]

Car selling in record time. Save your time.

[Phil Duckett]

Go to Carvana.com and sell your car today. Pickup fees may apply.