Why Do White People Smell Bad When Wet?

Summary

Black and White Advice Podcast Summary
Episode: "Why Do White People Smell Bad When Wet?"
Release Date: December 3, 2024
Hosts: Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett

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1. Personal Anecdotes and Building Rapport

The episode kicks off with Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett sharing personal stories, establishing a relaxed and humorous rapport that sets the tone for their candid discussions on race-related topics. Early in the episode, Phil recounts a harrowing experience involving a prank gone wrong:

Phil Duckett [01:00]: "I put your back on for years... I had back problems for five years."

Phil describes how a playful prank intended to surprise his girlfriend resulted in severe spinal injuries, leading to a deep conversation about responsibility and the complexities of interracial relationships.

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2. The "Black for a Day or White for a Day" Game

To delve into the intricacies of racial dynamics, the hosts engage in a playful yet insightful game where they imagine being of the opposite race for a day. This segment highlights the contrasting experiences and societal expectations faced by Black and White individuals.

• Phil’s Take on Being White:

  Phil humorously explores the privileges and challenges he perceives white individuals might encounter. He touches upon interactions with law enforcement and societal perceptions:

  Phil Duckett [06:10]: "They were like, 'That's my cousin.' He's like, 'You make a good slave.'"

  This quote underscores the deep-seated issues of racial bias and the historical context that shapes current interactions between Black individuals and white authority figures.

• Turner’s Take on Being Black:

  Turner offers a contrasting perspective, emphasizing the lack of certain privileges and the heightened awareness of cultural identity:

  Turner Sparks [11:22]: "I would never say. I would never."

  Here, Turner reflects on the cautious behavior often necessitated by the fear of racial profiling and the importance of maintaining composure in potentially prejudiced interactions.

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3. Listener Questions and In-Depth Discussions

The heart of the episode revolves around listener-submitted questions, which Turner and Phil dissect with their characteristic blend of humor and earnest insight.

• Question 1: Why Do White People Smell Bad When Wet? (From Adam, East Bay, San Francisco)

  This question serves as the episode's centerpiece, prompting a lively debate on personal hygiene habits and cultural differences.

  • Turner’s Explanation:

    Turner attributes the odor to infrequent washing of towels, leading to mildew buildup. He shares a personal revelation:

    Turner Sparks [23:27]: "I blame our towels. So it's not... because not as often as you."

    This candid admission highlights a common oversight that can contribute to unpleasant odors.

  • Phil’s Counterpoints:

    Phil challenges Turner’s explanation, suggesting that other factors like genetics or lifestyle choices (e.g., swimming in polluted waters) might play a role:

    Phil Duckett [27:21]: "I feel like your second reason is complete horseshit. But the towel part definitely seems like it has some legs on, like."

    Their back-and-forth exemplifies the podcast's ability to tackle sensitive topics with both humor and critical thinking.

• Question 2: Should White People Get Juneteenth Day Off? (From Rebecca, Seattle, Washington)

  Rebecca’s query sparks a debate on the appropriateness of white individuals observing Juneteenth, a day commemorating the end of slavery in the United States.

  • Turner’s Perspective:

    Turner argues that white individuals should not receive the day off, as it trivializes the historical significance:

    Turner Sparks [35:24]: "If you cause the problem, you shouldn't get the day off."

  • Phil’s Agreement:

    Phil reinforces Turner’s stance, emphasizing that white people benefiting from Juneteenth undermines its original purpose:

    Phil Duckett [36:16]: "Because any chance white people can make their life easier and still get paid for it, why would they give that up?"

    Together, they critique the commercialization and potential misinterpretation of Juneteenth.

• Question 3: Why Do a Lot of Black Comedians Use Stage Names? (From Jesse, Park Slope, Brooklyn)

  Jesse’s question delves into the tradition of Black comedians adopting stage names, prompting an exploration of identity and persona in entertainment.

  • Phil’s Insight:

    Phil explains that many Black comedians use nicknames derived from their street personas, which become their stage identities:

    Phil Duckett [30:10]: "Most of us have nicknames on the street regardless... it's just a Persona."

  • Turner’s Contribution:

    Turner adds that these stage names often carry cultural significance and resonate with their audiences:

    Turner Sparks [32:11]: "We allow everybody. Let me know the next time you want a haircut."

    The discussion underscores the interplay between personal identity and public performance in the world of comedy.

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4. Addressing Misconceptions and Cultural Nuances

Throughout the episode, Turner and Phil confront stereotypes and cultural misconceptions with a mix of humor and factual clarification.

• Towel Hygiene:

  Turner admits to previously neglecting towel washing, leading to Fred’s humorous acceptance of change:

  Phil Duckett [24:48]: "You just got a sweet funk. You know what I mean?"

  This segment highlights the importance of personal hygiene practices and their impact on social perceptions.

• Cultural Celebrations:

  The hosts discuss how cultural events like Juneteenth are sometimes co-opted or misunderstood by different racial groups, emphasizing the need for genuine understanding and respect.

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5. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode draws to a close, Turner and Phil reflect on the discussions held, reinforcing their commitment to addressing uncomfortable and pressing questions about race with honesty and levity.

Phil Duckett [38:28]: "And the thing is, you do your great sport, but your fans that start, they're going to start writing in, they're going to have some of the meanest black shit to say because they're like, you don't ever come back and feel like, what is he smoking?"

This final exchange underscores the podcast’s role in fostering open dialogue and challenging listeners to engage thoughtfully with complex racial issues.

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Notable Quotes:

• Phil Duckett on Personal Responsibility [01:00]: "I couldn't walk down the street... because I was really nervous about."
• Phil on Stage Personas [30:10]: "Most of us have nicknames on the street regardless... it's just a Persona."
• Turner on Juneteenth [35:24]: "If you cause the problem, you shouldn't get the day off."
• Phil on White Privileges [36:16]: "Because any chance white people can make their life easier and still get paid for it, why would they give that up?"

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Final Thoughts:

In "Why Do White People Smell Bad When Wet?", Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett skillfully navigate through humor, personal anecdotes, and critical discussions to explore racial stereotypes and cultural practices. By addressing listener questions with depth and wit, the episode offers valuable insights into the nuanced dynamics of race relations, encouraging listeners to reflect and engage in meaningful conversations.

Transcript

[Turner Sparks]

I didn't wash my towels for years because the logic.

[Phil Duckett]

Wait a minute. No, we're not running past that. Hold on. Have you ever had a question you wanted to ask opposite race, but you were too nervous to ask?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

And this is Black and White Advice.

[Phil Duckett]

Where we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones.

[Turner Sparks]

This is Black and White Advice.

[Joe Russell]

You've got a question but you're scared to ask. Just drop the boys a message. Cause they're up to the task.

[Phil Duckett]

They're all in the dice.

[Joe Russell]

They ain't always nice. But you can't think twice when given.

[Phil Duckett]

Black and white and light.

[Joe Russell]

Black and white and.

[Turner Sparks]

What's up, everybody? Welcome to the show. My name's Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

Woo. It's the Real Deal. Feel the Thrill. I think I'm gonna stick with that. I think it's a good radio intro.

[Turner Sparks]

What? Feel the thrill.

[Phil Duckett]

Real Deal. Feel the thrill. Real Deal. Back in the building. You see that back.

[Turner Sparks]

And we got Joe Russell, producer Joe Russell.

[Phil Duckett]

Show the muscle, Russell.

[Turner Sparks]

Ooh. What am I? Turner the what?

[Phil Duckett]

Turner the White Spot barks. Hey, turn the white.

[Turner Sparks]

We did that a couple years ago. My niece, she was like seven at the time. She came up with nicknames for everybody in our family and it was like Father Time, Mother Space. Mine was the man with Back Issues. Wow. Uncle Turner the Man with back. You have back issues? I did for a while, but that's why I don't drink anymore. Alcohol. Alcohol gave you a. I don't show no doctor. This is witchcraft. Doctors will not. They. They're like. I have no idea if that's correct or not, but whatever. It worked for me once I stopped drinking alcohol and they went away within like two months. And I had back problems for five years.

[Phil Duckett]

Meaning like you couldn't fuck, you couldn't walk. What do you mean?

[Turner Sparks]

I couldn't walk down the street. Like it would back spasm. And then the sciatica through the like.

[Phil Duckett]

Only that nerve.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah, the nerve through down my legs. I couldn't play sports. Within two months, I was run. Like long distance. Long distance running again. Wow. Stop drinking.

[Phil Duckett]

That's crazy because my. My girl has a bad back like she's had. She actually had a spinal fusion surgery because I accidentally broke her back and not. Not sexually. I know. Best way I'll think of. Damn, the brother really packing pile driver. No, I actually played a prank on her where I scared her and she was already having back problems and I scared her one morning.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my God.

[Phil Duckett]

And her, her vertebrae crunched.

[Turner Sparks]

What?

[Phil Duckett]

It shattered two of her discs and one got lodged in a bladder. It was a whole. Oh, dude. I felt like. So I felt so bad, like, because it was just.

[Turner Sparks]

How did you scare. With like a body?

[Phil Duckett]

So. So she at the time, she having back issues and so before she'd wake up in the morning, she'd have to stretch for like 30 minutes before she could even move because she would do so stiff.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, one morning, coming from a show at the Lantern, early in my career, one morning, yeah, it was like 4:30. It was like 4:30, 5 in the morning. I had been out after shows doing extracurriculars. And so I remember my girl had a morning shift that morning just because she was a server. And so I came in around 4:30 and I was like, I'm gonna get everything right for her. So I put coffee on, I started making breakfast for her. I was like. But by then she, I heard her, she had gotten in the shower. So I was like, everything's set up. I was like, but I'm a fuck with her a little bit. So I snuck into the bathroom with a cold cup of water.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, no.

[Phil Duckett]

And I dumped the water over. Oh, but the shock of it, because she was still half sleep, she jumped. And her back, she straightened her back just instantly off the jump. And since she wasn't stretched, it crunched and like two of her discs shattered. Oh, it was so bad.

[Turner Sparks]

Did she slide in the tub?

[Phil Duckett]

It was a like hair curling scream, like to the top.

[Turner Sparks]

How did she not leave you immediately?

[Phil Duckett]

Here's the thing. When she, when she.

[Turner Sparks]

As soon as.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, as soon as she screamed, I was like, baby, baby. It was cold water. It was cold water and she was just literally laying on.

[Turner Sparks]

She didn't even know you were home?

[Phil Duckett]

She knew I was home, but she didn't know I was gonna dump water. So she screamed when her back broke and she just like fell out and laid in like on the floor of the shower. And I was like, babe, babe. It was cold water because I thought she. It burned her. Like, I was like, no, no. And she was like, my back, my back. We had to call the ambulance. They had to, literally. And we lived on a sixth floor walk up at the time. They had to carry her down on this stretcher on six. It was so bad.

[Turner Sparks]

Did she make her shift?

[Phil Duckett]

No, she was out for the count for like weeks. The hardest part was calling her white family. Like, so why? Because I didn't want.

[Turner Sparks]

What would a black family be cool with that?

[Phil Duckett]

No, but I did. As the brother, I didn't want her to think, like, I beat her and then, like. But hey, hey, hey. No, she failed. She fit.

[Turner Sparks]

No, Jason.

[Phil Duckett]

I wanted them to know, like, I fucked. Like, I played a prank. Like, you know, me as a brother in a white. Injured white girl, and this is, like, a severe injury. I didn't want her. Them to think, like, I got handsy or rough. And then we were just playing it off as a back injury.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my.

[Phil Duckett]

So I was, like, really nervous about.

[Turner Sparks]

How did they take it?

[Phil Duckett]

They're like, she. They're. Well, luckily, the doctor was. When he told us, they were like. They're like, this isn't your fault. Because I felt like shit. Like, I felt so bad. I was like, dude, I can't believe I did. He was like. Honestly. He was like, this is best case scenario. He was like. Because the way her back was.

[Turner Sparks]

That doctor's a G. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

He was like, the way her back was. He was like, this was bound to happen at some point. He said the worst case would have been. He was like that. This type of injury, if the subway would have slammed on brakes hard enough, it could have been the same type of compression that would have shattered that, and you would have been on the subway crawling, screaming, help for help. She said, the fact that it happened at home, you really couldn't have asked for it because you had help right there and you had everything. And I was like, well, thank you, doc. We probably saved you at least five years in prison.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, you saved your relationship.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Yeah. Because I was really. They coming for me. Yeah, the brother.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think alcohol is going to fix that.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't either. And. But thing is, she's been like, four doctors now. They're like, you just have to wait for the nerves to grow back. Sometimes they do. Sometimes, you know, I'm like. And they gave you a degree. Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

Geez.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. So that's what I'm. Anyway, we got.

[Turner Sparks]

Let's get to the show.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Hey.

[Turner Sparks]

All right. This is a little game we're going to play called black for a day.

[Phil Duckett]

No.

[Turner Sparks]

Or white for a day.

[Phil Duckett]

It's called for a day.

[Turner Sparks]

It's called for a day. Would you tell me three things you would do if you were white for a day? And I'm going to tell you three things you I would do if I was black for a day.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay. I put this on my phone, but I think I go, should we go one for one? I think we should go one for one.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

First order of business if I was white for a day. I'm talking shit to the police. I am going so hard at the police because I've seen that white person. And when I say I've just been in awe.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Absolute awe. Now here's the crazy part. I actually know, like, maybe one or two white dudes have had their ass whooped by cops.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

But here's the thing. It was so long overdue by the time they started whooping on them, I'm like, the fact they didn't kill you was just God's gift because we wouldn't have got that grace. Like, you deserved your ass beaten after all the shit you talked. I want to walk up to a.

[Turner Sparks]

Cop like, yeah, what do you want to say? Say I'm the cop. Excuse me, Mr. White Man.

[Phil Duckett]

Are you fucking joking me?

[Turner Sparks]

Well, just hold on.

[Phil Duckett]

No, no. You fucking hold on. Do you have any.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, let's lower the temperature.

[Phil Duckett]

My dad will fucking own you after this.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't. Who's.

[Phil Duckett]

What's your fucking badge number?

[Turner Sparks]

You mean Mister, what's your fucking badge? Mr. McConnel. Know him down at the station.

[Phil Duckett]

Your retirement pension is because of my father. You work for me. I love that.

[Turner Sparks]

On second thought, go. Go along your day.

[Phil Duckett]

Exactly. You're like, I've seen why. You're like, what's your badge number? He's like, you have no idea who you're with.

[Turner Sparks]

The badge number things.

[Phil Duckett]

The badge number is crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

I would never say. I would never. I. I've seen cop. I. Cops pull me over. It's 10 and 2. The hands are on the wheel. Yes, sir. No, sir. Whatever you want.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, you living your life as a brother.

[Turner Sparks]

Here's my.

[Phil Duckett]

You got to take.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I always told. I. I was always told to do that.

[Phil Duckett]

Black people tell me this.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yes, sir.

[Turner Sparks]

You can give your hands up so they. So that you're not looking. You're not reaching.

[Phil Duckett]

Yalls privilege. Y'all can have both hands in your back pockets, okay? They're gonna be like, oh, what are you scratching? They don't care.

[Turner Sparks]

Maybe I should go buy a gun so I can have my hand on my gun when he comes.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh. He's like, I didn't know I could do that. What is that, a nine millimeter? He's like. He's like, you want to hold mine?

[Turner Sparks]

What are you working on?

[Phil Duckett]

You want to hold this? It's pretty cool, dog. I'm telling you. The whole bag. Because the thing is, they give it to him. I've seen one. You're like, 954-321.

[Turner Sparks]

Badge number.

[Phil Duckett]

You're like, it's why I've seen black dudes do the same thing. They're like, step out of the car, please. Step out of the car, please. You don't ask me fucking questions.

[Turner Sparks]

That's ballsy.

[Phil Duckett]

And I was like, you know what? You got to respect it because you're going to get whooped today. But I respect the motherfucking gangster.

[Turner Sparks]

It's pretty good.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Is this online? You're talking on the Internet, you're talking about? Or have you seen this in person? Like, have you been at a party?

[Phil Duckett]

I've never asked. Seeing anybody ask for a badge number online. Who would you be talking to? No, no, no.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, is there a pop hotline? No, no, no, no. I'm talking about, like, on a video.

[Phil Duckett]

No, no.

[Turner Sparks]

Tick tock, no, no.

[Phil Duckett]

The reason it was so terrifying is because I was in the passenger seat. So I'm like, oh, God.

[Turner Sparks]

And the white guy was driving the car.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm like, they're going to shoot me as an example.

[Turner Sparks]

And then what'd they do?

[Phil Duckett]

Gave him his badge number and gave him a warning and said. He was like, speed down, man. The thing is, you can't even ask cops questions as a brother. Like, I've done it. I was like, why did you put me. He's like, I'll let you know when I want you to talk. That's what he said. And so then. And me being a brother and I know how I was raised, I'm like, he's one of them cops. So I just shut the fuck up. Yeah, but I know black people. And they were like. They were like, that's my cousin. He was like, well, you know, you'd be good as a slave because you scared of white people. That's my cousin said to me. He's like, you know, you make a good slave. Because you know, black people. You know one thing black people always say, like, we look at old videos, old movies and their slavery. The one thing every black person says is, she couldn't be me. We all say that no matter what. Slavery movie, like, shit, couldn't be me. Cause I'm running the first day my cousin says the shit that was somebody he talking about. Y'all swear he's like, you the same motherfucker scared to pull out your phone at work, but you would run away. I was like, well, that's a fair point. They pay my bills. He was like, exactly. He was like, you can't be a gangster and scared of the man, he said, the ones who ran away, they don't have nine to fives because it's the same type of hierarchy. I said, so you're telling me I'd be a house? He said, you'd 100% be a house.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I tell you, we.

[Phil Duckett]

I do make good lemonade.

[Turner Sparks]

We do the same thing, but the opposite. When you watch. When you watch Roots, you go. You're looking at the white people and you go, that doesn't. That guy doesn't look like us, does he?

[Phil Duckett]

Y'all say that.

[Turner Sparks]

There's no way that could be one.

[Phil Duckett]

Of the fact that you've seen Roots. I am so proud of you. Alex Haley's Roots.

[Turner Sparks]

Kuta Kente.

[Phil Duckett]

The way you said it was racist. They took his foot and they called him Toby. Okay. But no, I didn't know why people did that. They were like, I could never.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, no, you're terrified that it's. They're going to be like. They go, what? What? What. What plantation are we on? We're on the Sparks plantation. Oh, God. Oh, don't say Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

It was definitely a sporks.

[Turner Sparks]

And then they're whipping them, doing the sps. Hey, you know what I mean?

[Phil Duckett]

You know what's so crazy?

[Turner Sparks]

And you're going, no, stop, stop, stop.

[Phil Duckett]

The fact.

[Turner Sparks]

Just be any other name.

[Phil Duckett]

That's how, you know black spankings come from slavery. Because black parents do that. When they whoop you, like, they spell out. They spell out. For me, it was bible verses. Psalms 91.

[Turner Sparks]

They pick a short as I walk.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, Psalms. The whole book of Psalms, as long as hell. So no, if they go to Psalms, you win for a long ass with me. Yeah. In Psalms 91, that's like seven minutes. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I will fear no man.

[Phil Duckett]

Can we get Revelations, please? End this shit.

[Unnamed Speaker]

We get a haiku, right?

[Phil Duckett]

Give me an onomatopoeia, something. No, that's the truth, though. That's so crazy, because I forgot. And black, like, older black. They used to say, I told you. Now you be like, how long is this a run on sentence? I'm going to need some grammar.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my. I do it to the beat.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. You know they do it to the beat. We know we got rhythm. Every hit is on the cadence.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my God.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, my God.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, so that's the first thing you would do.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, first thing I would do. So that's the first thing. You cuss at the police.

[Turner Sparks]

Go cuss at the cops. Here's what I would do. First, I would be the say the N word. Absolutely not. I would be good guess. But I have no interest.

[Phil Duckett]

Every white person I know, they're like, I just want to say it one time.

[Turner Sparks]

That's so weird to me.

[Phil Duckett]

It is so weird. Why do you want to say so much?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, there's no. I have no interest.

[Phil Duckett]

Which lets me know y'all say it when you rap. And in the car with the doors closed. I mean, and windows.

[Turner Sparks]

I knew this. Those kids who did it.

[Phil Duckett]

Did they still do they priced it doesn't grow out of. You could ungrow up.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't have a car, so. Oh, I wouldn't know.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't have a car. Is a crazy rebuttal that so many other places it can be used in the car.

[Turner Sparks]

I haven't ridden in the car since high school.

[Phil Duckett]

Never in the car.

[Turner Sparks]

When you live in New York City.

[Phil Duckett]

Watching BET 100%, here's what I would do.

[Turner Sparks]

I would be okay. If I was black for a day. I would be the black guy Republican on Fox News. That's the first thing I would do. Because that guy. It's the easy. It's such a path to success.

[Phil Duckett]

Not easy.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, but if you just want money.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. If you want money, you can be the YouTube. Oh, you mean be a sellout. Yeah. Yeah, I would be. There's always money. And being a sellout to your own.

[Turner Sparks]

People, it's like the tough way is to work your way up through what. Like what you.

[Phil Duckett]

Because, you know, the slave driver was normally black. So. Yeah, there's always. There's always money. And being a sellout to be that one guy.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think, like, fill in the blank Republican is a racist. And then. And then they go, see, he doesn't think he is. So we're good.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. You're going to Candace Owens route. Candace Owens is who I was looking for thinking of. Yeah. You're going that route. Yeah. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think all Republicans are racist. I just.

[Phil Duckett]

No, I don't either. I don't either. My father was black Republican for. And when I say Black Republic, a lot of people get it twisted. My dad never voted for Donald Trump, but my dad never voted for Obama either. So that was. When I say black Republican, like, I came from a comfortable family.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So Republican kind of suited my pops a little more than the Democrats.

[Turner Sparks]

Candace Owens is the perfect. That's who I would be. I would be like, she could. She goes wild into. Like.

[Phil Duckett]

She was like, well, the cop shot him. What did he say?

[Turner Sparks]

What? Yeah. You're like, bitch, what do you expect him to do? Even white people are like, yeah, even white people.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, tone it down a bit. We like you already.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, you won.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

All right. What was the second thing you would do?

[Phil Duckett]

Second thing I would do if I was white for a day, I would cuss at my mom. You know, y'all known for doing that shit. You know, this is bullshit. Shandon.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You're like, you called. You call your mom by her first name. We don't even get to the cousin part. The first thing you call your mom our first name is like, damn, that's impressive. But then when you told her, you're getting on my nerves. Or like, why are you. I remember one of my wife friends like, mom, you're being a real bitch today. My ass cheeks started sweating off. I was triggered. I was like, how bad is the beating going to be for you? Like, she going to kill you. And she was like, connor, you know I hate when you talk to me like that.

[Turner Sparks]

And then she leaves and he goes and close the door when you.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, and bring us some pizza rolls.

[Turner Sparks]

A lot of closing the door.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. A lot of clothes, you know. You know, in my family, you couldn't close the door. Closed doors weren't allowed.

[Turner Sparks]

No matter what.

[Phil Duckett]

No matter what.

[Turner Sparks]

If you're studying or something.

[Phil Duckett]

First of all, my mom's like, you ain't never been that damn studious. Why would you be closing the door? Yeah, yeah. It never happened. Yeah. So. Yeah. My mom said, till you pay bills in this house, ain't no closed doors. Everything in here is my.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I had a buddy growing up, he called his grandma a. Oh, my God.

[Turner Sparks]

I was like, whoa. In front of you.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah, I was so.

[Phil Duckett]

Let me tell you, when you make white people uncomfortable with the disrespect, you've hit a level.

[Turner Sparks]

I mean, I'm going to say again, none of that ever happened in my household. You're not. Oh, my gosh. No. I can see kids doing it. I mean, I do see kids doing it now to their like 35 year old white parents, you know, and it's like chaos.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

But I never. I saw friends do it to their parents growing up back in the day.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

One specific family I'm thinking of. And the kids are lunatics now. They're adult, like maniacs.

[Phil Duckett]

There's no structure when the inmates got the keys. So you gotta remember that.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, number second thing I would do, I would wear. Or. No, I. Let's go with this one. I would get my hair cut at a black barber shop. 100%. 100%. Because, Turner, it's not a world that we. We live in is the blood. But I hear so how much. I hear how cool it is.

[Phil Duckett]

I know so many white guys who go to black barber. And they're not like Eminem blacks, as y'all call them wiggers. They're. Which I hate the word wigger, by the way. But they're not those type of white people. They're regular white people. Because black barbers have to know how to cook, cut white hair. Most white barbers don't have to know how to cut black hair. Like, you go into super cuts. The only time I've ever been butchered is because some late babysitter took me to Supercuts. It was a white babysitter. And I'll never forget it. The whole feel felt wrong. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, you know, black barbers, Turner.

[Turner Sparks]

So I can go now?

[Phil Duckett]

I will take no I as a white man. No, I will take you to a black barber. And it's not going to be like, you're not going to have a tape up and they can cut that shit. Just. I do. Matter of fact, I now have to take it.

[Turner Sparks]

Let's go.

[Phil Duckett]

I will take you to East Harlem. We're going to go to my barbershop in 100%.

[Turner Sparks]

I've always wanted.

[Phil Duckett]

And we only got to get no Patreon shit. I'll just take Turner just so y'all can see how good he looks.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't know if people know that. I didn't know I could go. I thought it was one of those things that's like, stay out of our.

[Phil Duckett]

We're not allowed to play blacks only in our shit like y'all used to, so.

[Turner Sparks]

But I didn't.

[Phil Duckett]

We allow everybody.

[Turner Sparks]

I thought it was assumed. I thought it applied.

[Phil Duckett]

No, no.

[Turner Sparks]

So I can go. All right. I mean.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Percent oh, that's. That's a done deal, Turner. Let me know the next time you want a haircut. And I'm like, come with me.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, sounds good.

[Phil Duckett]

I got you on that last one. If I was white for a day, I would pet random wild animals.

[Turner Sparks]

You would pet random wild.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, y'all do, like, deer. Deer. Anything that's wild elk. There's no fear with y'all when it comes to species.

[Turner Sparks]

Snakes.

[Phil Duckett]

Wolverines.

[Turner Sparks]

Wolverines.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, you see the teeth on him? It's so cute. Y'all have no fear. You have no fear when it comes to animals.

[Turner Sparks]

Are wolverines real?

[Phil Duckett]

Wow. Maybe I am more educated you're right. Don't ever be smart. Wolverines are one of the most vicious animals in the animal guy from X. Where do you think he got the name Wolverine?

[Turner Sparks]

Like a centaur? Like a made up animal sometimes.

[Phil Duckett]

You know what?

[Turner Sparks]

Like the human head on the buddy look.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Horse.

[Phil Duckett]

Wolverines are one of the most vicious animals in the.

[Turner Sparks]

Is it a type of wolf?

[Phil Duckett]

You know what makes wolverine so impressive is their skin is very elastic, very stretch, and they have razor sharp claws and teeth. They're one of the few animals that when they're getting bit that they can turn around while they're getting bit. If they're getting. They can turn around and bite you while they're getting bit.

[Turner Sparks]

And you think we just go up and pet these things?

[Phil Duckett]

I've seen it on Discovery.

[Turner Sparks]

People just go up and pet. Oh, you're talking about like the Crocodile Hunter guy. He's dead.

[Phil Duckett]

They replaced him within a month.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, they got a new hunter.

[Phil Duckett]

You don't watch National Gear ever. There's plenty of y'all wearing khakis. Y'all been wearing khakis and touches.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Phil, do you think having white skin tames beasts?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. I don't know anyone who's just going up to wolverines.

[Phil Duckett]

I think there's a calm that y'all bring to.

[Turner Sparks]

I didn't even know wolverines existed.

[Phil Duckett]

I think there's a calm that y'all bring to wild.

[Turner Sparks]

You need an Australian accent.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Come on, you little wolverine.

[Phil Duckett]

That's New Zealand. How do you know it's kiwi?

[Turner Sparks]

What?

[Phil Duckett]

That's a kiwi.

[Turner Sparks]

That was a dead on Melbourne accent.

[Phil Duckett]

Was it?

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Come over here, you little.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, you little snake. A little wolverine.

[Phil Duckett]

That's actually pretty good.

[Turner Sparks]

The last thing I would do if I was black for a day. I've always wanted to do this my whole life, but I know it's the wrong thing to do. I would wear dashiki.

[Phil Duckett]

I've always wanted to wear. Really?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, why? We're not Shikis all the time.

[Turner Sparks]

But you can't.

[Phil Duckett]

It's fucked up.

[Turner Sparks]

You shouldn't do it.

[Phil Duckett]

But actually you could.

[Turner Sparks]

Nancy Pelosi did it.

[Phil Duckett]

I remember that over Covid. That was one of the most cringe things our US government has ever did. When the entire. What was it the Senate or.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, it was Amy Schumer's uncle. Was his name Chuck Schumer did it, bro.

[Phil Duckett]

Nancy Pelosi all wore dashikis and like took a knee and I was like, yeah, this is hell on earth.

[Turner Sparks]

Like a Kaepernick knee.

[Phil Duckett]

This is this. This is what I knew. I was like, covet is a serious thing because people have lost.

[Turner Sparks]

And the actors started singing. We are the world. Yeah, we are covered.

[Phil Duckett]

There was so much weird.

[Turner Sparks]

I remember seeing one people lost their brains.

[Phil Duckett]

There was a group of white people that wanted to apologize to blacks for all the harm they did. But since they couldn't give reparations, they made all the black people in a town line up so that they could wash their feet. You remember that? And I remember watching that saying, I would have lost my shit. So you mean to tell me I don't get my $1.2 billion that the government owes me, but instead I get clean feet from white people?

[Turner Sparks]

And then at the end of the go. Ta da.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah. This is as good as we can do.

[Turner Sparks]

I hope that's enough.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I was like, dude, this is.

[Turner Sparks]

We've done all we can.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that was a Covet was wild, bro.

[Turner Sparks]

Speaking of doing all we can. That's it. We'll be back. We're gonna take a break. We'll be back in a minute with your black and white advice, questions and answers.

[Unnamed Speaker]

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[Turner Sparks]

Hey, you want to get bonus content, early episodes and have your questions answered on the show?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, then subscribe to our [e-mail] blackandwhiteadvice and subscribe right now.

[Turner Sparks]

Do it and we'll give you a shout out on a future episode and.

[Phil Duckett]

I might call you the N word.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we're back with your black and white advice questions. If you want to send us in a question, go to black and white advice podmail.com. fire away. Questions.

[Phil Duckett]

Obviously, some good ones. So keep.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, you're getting. Yeah, great ones. Great ones. All right, first question. This comes from Adam in the East Bay of San Francisco. I guess the Bay area, Northern California. Why do white people smell bad when we are wet?

[Phil Duckett]

He asks, baby, if that ain't the million dollar question we've been trying to figure out since we got to this country. So I don't know if y'all know this some white, because clearly, I'm assuming Adam's a white dude.

[Turner Sparks]

Adam's a white dude.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I'm assuming, because that's one of our, like, trade secrets. Like, only certain white people.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think all white people know that.

[Phil Duckett]

They don't. And black people talk about this all the time. Even my mom said when I first got with my girl, when you.

[Turner Sparks]

They teach this when you're a kid.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, my. They don't teach it to you.

[Turner Sparks]

You just hear it first time you go to a white kitchen.

[Phil Duckett]

No.

[Turner Sparks]

No, you're just gonna smell.

[Phil Duckett]

No, you just hear it growing up, you know, I mean, like, it'll start raining and. And then. Yes, when it's. When it rains. That's them. That's the same.

[Turner Sparks]

It was like jumping out of a pool.

[Phil Duckett]

No, we're talking about normally when it rains. No, so not if you're submerged, but like, if you're just get wet.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, okay.

[Phil Duckett]

That's when the smell comes. When you dry. It's like. And. And I remember even my mom said it before she knew my girl, she was like, you got a white girl? She said, what you gonna do about the house after it rains?

[Turner Sparks]

When it rains?

[Phil Duckett]

I was like, you know.

[Turner Sparks]

Cause it's an umbrella.

[Phil Duckett]

It's a known thing. Like my grandma used to say. She was like, well, you know, they smell like golden retrievers when it start raining. White people have this.

[Turner Sparks]

I was gonna ask.

[Phil Duckett]

What is this? It's like a. Like a dog smell.

[Turner Sparks]

That's so racist.

[Phil Duckett]

No, it's 100%. It's probably one of the most.

[Turner Sparks]

You smell like dogs.

[Phil Duckett]

You smell like wet dog. And. Yeah, so sometimes black people get that smell if they've been outside for around, like, oh, that's smelling like white folks. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, it's racist.

[Turner Sparks]

Did you hang around too many white people? You smell like it.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, well, I remember everybody was like, so, what's your house smell like? Do you just Febreze all the time? I was like. They were like, Cause you know how they get. You know how they get.

[Turner Sparks]

I think I have the answer.

[Phil Duckett]

We have a lot of pets. No dander.

[Turner Sparks]

It's. We're not. I blame our towels. So it's not.

[Phil Duckett]

It's. Are y'all not doing regular laundry?

[Turner Sparks]

Not as often as we should. Oh, I didn't wash my towels for years. Because the logic.

[Phil Duckett]

No, we're not running past that. Hold on.

[Turner Sparks]

No, because I'm going to wash your towels for years, not a long time. Because not as often as you. Because here's the deal. The logic is you take a shower, right? You clean your towels clean. You wipe yourself off with your towel. It's clean, unclean. It's still clean at the end of it. It's still clean. There's no. At no point does it get dirty. And so then you don't know how. Like a month or two in, like, the mildew.

[Phil Duckett]

Month or two.

[Turner Sparks]

Mildew builds. And I think what you're smelling is mildew from.

[Phil Duckett]

Mildew sets in after a two a week.

[Turner Sparks]

No.

[Phil Duckett]

When you leave a damp towel up in that bathroom and it's. And it's moist and foggy and then it dries, then the next day somebody else take a shower, it gets moist and dry. Mildew takes. No, first of all. No, no, it does. It does. Turner, have you ever been doing laundry and left some clothes in the washer overnight and forget to put them in dryer by the next morning? They smell like milk.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, but those are, like, soaking wet.

[Phil Duckett]

What do you think mist is? It's misty in the bathroom.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, I'm giving the explanation. I've changed my ways now.

[Unnamed Speaker]

God, Turner, how long now do you both wash your towels?

[Turner Sparks]

Like, when.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Okay, so you have a new towel every week?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, once a week. Once a week. Okay, I'm on it. Once a week.

[Phil Duckett]

Thank you.

[Turner Sparks]

But my wife's Chinese. She kind of whipped me into shape with that.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, no, that's what I think because they don't fuck around either.

[Turner Sparks]

And we didn't meet till I was.

[Phil Duckett]

34, so she had to break a lot.

[Turner Sparks]

34 years, Turner. So you're drying off with stinky towels.

[Phil Duckett]

It has your skin cells. It has the scales that the sales that didn't get off and when the scrub. Yeah, those are.

[Turner Sparks]

So you're coming in out of the rain and you're just putting like a.

[Phil Duckett]

Mildewy towel right back on you.

[Turner Sparks]

That's. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Y'all think spraying ax on it changes things, but you can't put funk on. Sweet. I think it's going to change up now. You just got a sweet funk. You know what I mean? It's. But you know who said that?

[Turner Sparks]

George Clinton?

[Phil Duckett]

No, Phil Duckett. But I like where his head that. But Turner, the thing is, I don't know if you realize how blessed you are between.

[Turner Sparks]

Thank you.

[Phil Duckett]

Growing up with a communal toothbrush and once, once every two years, changing towels.

[Turner Sparks]

I've gotten a lot of hate mail.

[Phil Duckett]

Fact that you haven't deteriorated in real time is just mind blowing.

[Turner Sparks]

Still doing all right.

[Phil Duckett]

You should have been dead years.

[Turner Sparks]

I have a second reason.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

Why we smell like you said, like wet dogs.

[Phil Duckett]

Airbuds.

[Turner Sparks]

Airbuds. Okay. White people swim more often. Hold on, hold on in. Let me finish. In lakes, in dirty bodies of water. Because a lot of growing up white is a series of challenges and dares from friends. And so it's like, hey, when you're six, it's like, hey, you want to be friends with somebody? Well, they're like, I dare you to swim across that sewage dump. And you go, yeah, I'll do it. And then you do it. And then at the end you have a new friend. But if you don't do it, you're the nerd and you're out. You know? And then when you get to college, it's the exact same thing, but it's because you're drunk and you want to get in the fraternity or whatever you want to.

[Phil Duckett]

So that's why y'all be like fucking goats and shit.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Because a lot of our time is spent. Yeah. So then you smell like the sewers.

[Phil Duckett]

So the sewer that you swim in at, you still smell like when you're in your 20s.

[Turner Sparks]

No, no, continually.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, you're constantly swimming.

[Turner Sparks]

Constantly swimming to prove your worth to people. So there's six. It's because you want a new. A new friend. But when you're in high school, it's because you're drunk. And then when you're college, you want to be in the fraternity and then I don't know. I never worked on Wall Street. I assume they continue the dares.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

So that there's. It's a two pronged. It's the towel and it's the sewage swimming.

[Phil Duckett]

I feel like your second reason is complete horseshit. But the towel part definitely seems like it has some. Some legs on, like.

[Turner Sparks]

Next question. This is from Nancy. She says, good afternoon. I'm a 57 year old white woman from Waterford, Michigan. Hello, Nancy.

[Phil Duckett]

Hello.

[Turner Sparks]

I have a bad hip. I wanted to ask if it's too late to make my Facebook profile. Pick a black square. Thanks. And have a good weekend.

[Phil Duckett]

What does having a bad hip have to do with that?

[Turner Sparks]

I think she's trying to say that she can't. I don't know, maybe she can't march or something. I. Because the.

[Phil Duckett]

What the fuck?

[Turner Sparks]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

I have a bad hit.

[Turner Sparks]

She just wanted us to know I.

[Phil Duckett]

Have a bad hip, but can I be a BLM ally?

[Turner Sparks]

I think that's it. With a. She threw in the bad hip for some reason, I'm assuming that's why. I'm assuming it's.

[Phil Duckett]

Unless you want me to know that a brother broke that hip. Okay, maybe. Maybe.

[Turner Sparks]

It could be any reason. But anyway, she has a bad hip. People. Old people say stuff.

[Phil Duckett]

I have a bad hip. Can I be your friend?

[Turner Sparks]

Is it too late to do the black square on Facebook?

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, I guess it's never too late. But why would. But why would you do it now?

[Turner Sparks]

You know?

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, BLM was proven to be a scam. The guy's already gone. Getting indicted for stealing money. And he was like an albino black guy.

[Turner Sparks]

So I'm like, was he.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, he was albino. The leader of the BLM who got charged for stealing money is like, albino as fuck. And I'm like, y'all should have known something was up with that to begin with. You need a little darker tone to be that big of an ally. I had some questions.

[Turner Sparks]

He bought, like, a bunch of mansions, right?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, he bought.

[Turner Sparks]

And I'm like, where did the money? And I saw. I believe. It's hard to know what you watched if it was like, is this real or is this propaganda?

[Phil Duckett]

Right.

[Turner Sparks]

But what I saw was they said to him, well, you said you're going to be donating this money to black. To black people, right?

[Phil Duckett]

I am.

[Turner Sparks]

And his answer was, I am black people. So I donated to myself.

[Phil Duckett]

And we were all like, we need to see some paperwork.

[Turner Sparks]

I mean, even if he is. That's the craziest.

[Phil Duckett]

It is crazy. Even if you are black, he's like, you don't want to wealth amongst the.

[Turner Sparks]

Blacks, so you should have told people you're giving. The money's going, yeah, for you.

[Phil Duckett]

But maybe she doesn't.

[Turner Sparks]

Maybe that news didn't make itself to Waterford, Michigan.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, yeah, she might be in the Upper peninsula of Michigan, the up. And that's. Man, they don't have to mean brothers up there. No way. So she's fine.

[Turner Sparks]

All right. So she can do it.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, why not?

[Turner Sparks]

I mean, I don't.

[Phil Duckett]

Empty gesture.

[Turner Sparks]

She has a bad hit.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah, Nancy, we. We get it.

[Turner Sparks]

She subscribed to our show, so maybe that's all.

[Phil Duckett]

You're an ally.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. There you go. Next question. Jesse in Park Slope, Brooklyn, wants to know, Phil, why do a lot of black comedians go by a nickname on stage and not their real name? And did you ever think of using a stage name? If you did, what would it be? And that last question is for both of you.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, I think when it comes to a lot of black comedians is most of us have nicknames on the street regardless. Like, just in general, you know, I mean, so it's not like something they made up normally is what they're called in, like, their neighborhood or something. So they just take us as a Persona and so they. I think parsley is like a Persona. So when I have this name, I'm living the Persona, and that's not really who I am.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, like earthquake, Earthquake.

[Phil Duckett]

Rip Kool Aid. Great comedian from Detroit. He passed away years ago. But like, no, that's Chucky Ducky.

[Turner Sparks]

Quack, quack.

[Phil Duckett]

I used to watch him on Comedy Central. Everybody thought, like, they're like, that's a Chucky Ducky. I'm like, I used to watch Chucky.

[Turner Sparks]

I love. What about Hamburger?

[Phil Duckett]

Hamburger.

[Turner Sparks]

Hamburger.

[Phil Duckett]

You remember before he.

[Turner Sparks]

I heard he kills.

[Phil Duckett]

He does. He does. Before. Before Cat Williams blew up his. Cat Williams, he was called Cat in the Hat. That was his stage name. And then he switched. He didn't change it to Cat Williams. And that's when Pimp Chronicles took off. But Cat. But people, real Cat Williams, been doing comedy since the early 90s. Used to be on Comic View, and he was Cat in the Hat.

[Turner Sparks]

And what about Godfrey? Is that just his first name? He only goes by Godfrey.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah, that's his name.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. But yeah, I think we're just performers, entertainers. And it's like, especially in black rooms, it's hip, you know, I mean, that's what they call me on the street. That's where I go with.

[Turner Sparks]

Did you ever think of having a stage name?

[Phil Duckett]

I didn't ever have to think of one. I had a stage name when I first started stand up comedy. I went by Philly G. Yes. As you know, my name is Philip Gentry Duckett. But I thought I needed a little street cred, have a little razzle dazzle. So I had my. So I went by Philly G. And matter of. Not only did I go, but not. I didn't. I was going by that before, it was like an alter ego of mine. Before comedy. To the point where I had a 2004 white Cadillac Deville and my license plate said Philly G on. I used to get pulled over like twice a week. They thought. They either thought I was a pimp or they thought I was selling dope. No, I used to. Yeah, Philly G on.

[Turner Sparks]

Worth it, though, for the car, huh? Worth getting pulled over.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, Caddy motherfucker. With Philly G on the back. Nigga, I'm Icy little bitch. But yeah, I went by Philly G. And matter of fact, my very first time on stage, no, second time ever, first time ever filmed on YouTube is under that name, which I never told, I never did. Because you can't find it.

[Turner Sparks]

Here's my question, because your. Your stand up special is out now on YouTube. When is Philly G gonna put out a standup special? I think it needs to be two totally different characters.

[Phil Duckett]

Like side A, side B. Cassette tape. Yeah, like Phil Duck.

[Turner Sparks]

You got Phil Duckett on one side. And then Philly G is like the real.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know if y'all are ready for Philly. Well, that's the problem. How raw are we talking? I'm talking pregnancy raw, because I'm gonna go crazy. But no, Philly G was my name. And yeah, if you happen to listen to this and go type in Philly.

[Turner Sparks]

G and you still out there.

[Phil Duckett]

I never took it down because nobody. Because I switched when I moved here. I first two Ls, yeah. P, H, I, L, L, Y, g.

[Turner Sparks]

What about D.C. benny? That's a white guy stage name.

[Phil Duckett]

But I feel like D.C. is his initials.

[Turner Sparks]

No, it's not. I know his name. He's from Washington, D.C. okay, yeah, but he grew.

[Phil Duckett]

But D.C. benny, I know he started a black. Yes, D.C. williams.

[Turner Sparks]

So that's where it came from.

[Phil Duckett]

That's where he came from. He couldn't just be Benjamin Watar. He was like, no, I didn't know because they'll be like, who the is this white boy? So he was like, I'm D.C. benny.

[Turner Sparks]

We got D.C. benny, Larry the Cable Guy.

[Phil Duckett]

A.G. white.

[Turner Sparks]

A.G. white.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know if that's his initials, but I know his name is AG.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, there's a few.

[Phil Duckett]

There's a few. And he's a white dude that came up in black. He's a killer in black rooms too. So, yeah, I think it's just like the circuit, you know? I mean, black people just had a little frazzle dazzle to everything.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I tell you what My name would be. If I had a stage name.

[Phil Duckett]

What is it?

[Turner Sparks]

Sugar T. Washington.

[Phil Duckett]

That's so fucking bad. Come on. Sugar T. Washington.

[Turner Sparks]

I used to get called Sugar T in high school.

[Phil Duckett]

If you were a cocaine dealer.

[Turner Sparks]

I was sweet. I was just, you know.

[Phil Duckett]

That's my boy, Sugar T. He sweetheart.

[Turner Sparks]

They call me Sugar T in high school. And then Washington is because of obviously Booker T. Washington. Oh.

[Phil Duckett]

So thank you.

[Turner Sparks]

It was a fan of.

[Phil Duckett]

I think your name would be T. Sparks.

[Turner Sparks]

T. Sparks would be all right.

[Phil Duckett]

T. Sparks is hard as Is it. That's all right. Maybe that's better than down.

[Turner Sparks]

That's better too, because the people didn't like me in high school when I. I went by Sugar Tea. They call me Fruit Tea.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, they were really good Tea.

[Turner Sparks]

Fruit Tea was. I didn't enjoy as much.

[Phil Duckett]

That's good writing. That's good writing tonight.

[Unnamed Speaker]

What's thought. I first thought your last name was a fake.

[Turner Sparks]

People often think my last name's a fake name. No, no, no, it's a real name. Tyler Sparks. My brother Myrna and Gary, the parents.

[Phil Duckett]

But it comes from the surname Sparrow.

[Turner Sparks]

It does, according to that thing outside. Look at that. Phil knows you have the crest up Heritage. Next question. Rebecca in Seattle, Washington, wants to know. She says, I'm a white liberal school teacher. I'm looking at my school calendar for this year, and is it weird that white people are getting the day off also for Juneteenth. So I guess what she's saying is.

[Phil Duckett]

Y'All should be working and we get the day off.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes. She's wondering, yeah, it seems odd to her that white people get the day off. Juneteenth. Is that weird? Is her question weird?

[Phil Duckett]

Yes. Like, shocking.

[Turner Sparks]

No, it's absolutely. I don't think white people should get the day off, Virginia.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, they shouldn't, but we caused.

[Turner Sparks]

The issue to begin with.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, but have white people ever missed a chance to make their life easier.

[Turner Sparks]

And now people are taking the day off. I had it happen a month ago where I went to get my. I went to the doctor and they messed. They. I went to get an X ray. There's no X ray machine in the place. They didn't tell me till I already paid the money. I paid 25 bucks. They go, yeah, go get an X ray in the back. I go back there, there's no X ray machine. And so I start getting upset with the lady. There's no X ray machine, and she's a white lady, and everyone in there is white. And she says, excuse me, sir, it's Juneteenth. Can you lower the temperature a little bit? We're all celebrating Juneteenth. And, like, almost like it's Christmas. Like, someone would be like, it's Christmas morning. Can you just bear with us?

[Phil Duckett]

Can we have some peace?

[Turner Sparks]

I think she gave me the bear with us. Yeah, it's Juneteenth. Can you bear with us a little bit?

[Phil Duckett]

Mind you, two years ago, y'all didn't know shit about it. No one knew anything about it. I didn't give a fuck about it.

[Turner Sparks]

And these are all white people. I'm like, why are you okay?

[Phil Duckett]

Because any chance white people can make their life easier and still get paid for it, why would they give that up? Of course we celebrate Juneteenth. It's a federal holiday for.

[Turner Sparks]

It's because of the end of slavery, which was caused by white people.

[Phil Duckett]

They don't care what the reason is. They just know they ain't gonna have to work.

[Turner Sparks]

It's ridiculous.

[Phil Duckett]

It. Thank you. And that's the type of energy you need to keep, because it is ridiculous. A damn shame.

[Turner Sparks]

But, hey, I can't guarantee I'll keep.

[Phil Duckett]

Let me tell you something. When you make the rules, you can do what you want.

[Turner Sparks]

It's ridiculous. But I don't think anyone should get. If you cause the problem, you shouldn't get the day off. That should be a basic rule of holidays. I don't think. I don't think British people should get the day off. Fourth of July. I think in America, they should all be working. I think every store. When you go into a store on 4th of July, because stores need to be open. We need to buy stuff. We're barbecuing. When you go to get hot dogs. Hello, welcome.

[Phil Duckett]

You want them to talk in a British accent?

[Turner Sparks]

Well, no, I want real British people.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, you want them to ship them in for the day?

[Turner Sparks]

Sure. Or the ones who live here. There's British people in our country. I think white people should work on Juneteenth. I think Brits should work. I've seen them celebrating Fourth of July. It makes me furious.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, I think that was a great episode, Turner, because I think we really tackled some things.

[Turner Sparks]

But we have one last thing to do.

[Phil Duckett]

Fact checks.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. White lies and dark truce with producer Joe Russell.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You pretty much nailed it. I was trying to find some kind of information about this white people smelling because I'm self conscious.

[Phil Duckett]

Have you typed in do white people white? What did it say?

[Unnamed Speaker]

People say I'm going through Reddit and it might be a lotion. It might go back to lotion.

[Phil Duckett]

Y'all don't use it. So we don't put on lotion.

[Unnamed Speaker]

So, like, if. Phil, you're obviously covered in lotion right.

[Turner Sparks]

Now, as we're obviously covered in lotion. Well, you've already established that on the air.

[Unnamed Speaker]

So when you get wet, it reactivates the lotion and so you smell really good. But Turner's got nothing. He's dry.

[Turner Sparks]

I got mildew towels. It reactivates the mildew towels. All right, that is the episode.

[Phil Duckett]

Do the rebuttal because I come at you a lot racistly. And the thing is, you do your great sport, but your fans that start, they're going to start writing in, they're going to have some of the meanest black shit to say because they're like, you don't ever come back and feel like, what is he smoking?

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, I know and I know.

[Phil Duckett]

And I can't wait for them because I'm going to crucify my fans.

[Turner Sparks]

Why are you calling my fans?

[Phil Duckett]

Because I feel like we're going to split them right down the middle.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, boy.

[Phil Duckett]

And everybody loves us, man. What a great episode.

[Turner Sparks]

Stay black.

[Phil Duckett]

Stay black, baby. Stay blessed. Love y'all.

[Joe Russell]

You've got a question but you're scared to ask. Just drop the boys a message because they're up to the test.

[Phil Duckett]

They're all in the dice.

[Joe Russell]

They ain't always nice, but you can't.

[Phil Duckett]

Think.

[Unnamed Speaker]

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[Phil Duckett]

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[Turner Sparks]

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