Why Don't White People Use Lotion?

Summary

Black and White Advice - Episode: Why Don't White People Use Lotion? Release Date: October 14, 2024

---

Introduction

In this episode of Black and White Advice, hosts Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett delve into a variety of cultural topics with their characteristic humor and candidness. The central theme revolves around the question, "Why Don't White People Use Lotion?", exploring underlying racial and cultural nuances with engaging discussions, personal anecdotes, and interactive segments.

Chitlins and Cultural Significance

The episode kicks off with Turner Sparks trying chitlins (chitterlings) for the first time, setting a humorous yet insightful tone for discussions on cultural food practices.

• Phil Duckett explains the origins of chitlins:

  "Chitlins are pig intestines. And it smells like somebody just cleaned out a porta potty..." (02:23)

• Turner Sparks shares his discomfort and the cultural importance:

  "The flavor is not as bad as the smell, but the problem is you have to chew it for a while because it's intestine." (07:05)

The hosts reflect on how chitlins have become less common in the black community with modernization and changing tastes, highlighting generational shifts in food preferences.

Tasting Baijiu: An Exploration of Asian Liquor

Transitioning from food, the hosts introduce baijiu, a traditional Chinese liquor, and share their first impressions.

• Turner Sparks describes baijiu's potency:

  "It's 45%, so 90 proof alcohol." (04:16)

• Phil Duckett compares its taste to black licorice:

  "It smells like licorice. It's a little black licorice flavor..." (03:47)

They discuss cultural drinking practices in China, emphasizing the communal aspect and the etiquette surrounding baijiu consumption.

Segment: Never Have I Ever

In a playful take on the classic game, Turner and Phil use "Never Have I Ever" to highlight and challenge racial stereotypes and personal experiences.

1. Using a Washcloth

   • Phil:

     "Never have I ever used someone else's toothbrush." (09:24)

   • Turner recounts childhood experiences with communal toothbrushes and resultant illnesses.

2. Calling the Cops

   • Turner shares instances where he had to call the police, reflecting on the trust issues between the black community and law enforcement.

     "You don't know what cop you're gonna get. They also get the cop who's literally an asshole." (12:43)

   • Phil expresses his reluctance to involve police due to potential negative encounters:

     "I stay out of business." (12:43)

3. Interacting with Pets and Reviews

   • The game continues with lighter topics, including letting dogs lick faces and posting negative Yelp reviews, revealing generational and cultural differences in behaviors.

Audience Questions: Why Don't White People Use Lotion?

A significant portion of the episode addresses the titular question from a listener named Ty in Oakland.

• Phil Duckett shares his observations:

  "Most white people run from the moisture. And I've heard white people say, 'We don't get ashy.'" (20:33)

• Turner Sparks provides multiple reasons:

  1. Gender Norms:

     "White women might use lotion. White men, no. Absolutely not." (21:23)

  2. Perception of Effeminate Behavior:

     "Using a straw is seen as something a woman would do. It's part of a skincare routine we stay away from." (22:02)

  3. Lack of Early Education:

     "We didn't have health education. We didn't know what to eat or what carbs were... we just knew fast food was bad." (24:08)

• Phil Duckett adds:

  "There's a correlation between lotion and aging. Melanin bombing because we keep the moisture." (23:25)

The hosts discuss the impact of lotion usage on skin health and aging, juxtaposing it with cultural practices and upbringing differences between white and black communities.

Terminology and Racial Identity

The conversation shifts to the complexities of racial terminology, answering another listener question from James in Melbourne, Australia.

• James's Question:

  "When I'm referring to someone like Phil, am I supposed to say black, African American, or person of color?" (25:40)

• Phil Duckett critiques the term "person of color":

  "Person of color could probably get your teeth knocked out. I hate person of color." (26:12)

• Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett discuss the evolution and reception of racial terms, emphasizing that "black" remains a straightforward and accepted term within the community.

Cultural Appropriation and Breakdancing in the Olympics

Addressing cultural appropriation, the hosts analyze the inclusion of a white breakdancer, Ray Gunn, in the Olympics.

• Phil Duckett expresses frustration:

  "So that's what it was. The judges were wearing kangals with durags. Every single one of them. There was, like, two black judges in the whole damn thing. What the fuck? Who y'all are playing dress up." (36:30)

• Turner Sparks highlights the logistical barriers Ray Gunn faced:

  "She came up with all the rules so no one could join... she tried to say that it was like an anti women thing." (37:11)

The discussion underscores issues of authenticity, effort, and the fine line between cultural appreciation and appropriation.

Final Segments: White Lies and Dark Truths

The episode concludes with the "White Lies and Dark Truths" segment, where their producer, Joe Russell, fact-checks the hosts' spontaneous statements.

• Joe Russell clarifies misconceptions:

  "Little people have like a...they live a perfectly normal life just like us...except they might have a few health issues, such as...bowed legs and stuff." (42:25)

• Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett engage in humorous banter about their earlier statements, maintaining the show's lighthearted yet insightful tone.

Conclusion

This episode of Black and White Advice effectively navigates through sensitive cultural topics with humor and honesty. Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett offer listeners a blend of personal insights, societal observations, and interactive dialogue, fostering a deeper understanding of racial and cultural dynamics. Through segments like "Never Have I Ever" and audience Q&A, the hosts bridge gaps, challenge stereotypes, and encourage open conversations about race and identity.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Phil Duckett on Callinguing Cops:

  "You don't know what cop you're gonna get... so you don't ever know if they're gonna escalate a small situation." (12:43)

• Turner Sparks on Lotion Usage:

  "It's seen especially young men. White women might use lotion... but white men, no. Absolutely not." (21:23)

• Phil Duckett on Racial Terms:

  "Person of color could probably get your teeth knocked out. I hate person of color." (26:12)

• Phil Duckett on Cultural Appropriation:

  "What the fuck? Who y'all are playing dress up." (36:30)

Key Takeaways:

• Cultural Practices: The hosts explore how traditional foods like chitlins and beverages like baijiu carry deep cultural significance and how their consumption patterns evolve over generations.

• Racial Stereotypes: Through games and discussions, Turner and Phil address and debunk common racial stereotypes, highlighting the importance of understanding and education.

• Terminology Sensitivity: The episode underscores the complexities and sensitivities surrounding racial terminology, advocating for terms that are respectful and widely accepted within communities.

• Cultural Appropriation: The analysis of Ray Gunn's participation in the Olympics serves as a case study on the fine line between cultural appreciation and appropriation.

• Humor and Honesty: Maintaining a balance between humor and candidness, the hosts create an engaging platform for discussing serious and nuanced topics related to race and culture.

---

For those interested in further exploring these discussions or engaging with the hosts, consider reaching out via their official email: [e-mail].

Transcript

[Turner Sparks]

All right. First bite of chitlins in my life. Here we go. Oh, dude. Oh, my.

[Phil Duckett]

Have you ever had a question you wanted to ask opposite race, but you were too nervous to ask?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

And this is black and white advice.

[Phil Duckett]

Where we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones.

[Turner Sparks]

This is black and white advice. You've got a question, but you're scared to ask. Just drop the boys a message. Cause they're up to the task.

[Phil Duckett]

They're all in the d.

[Turner Sparks]

What's up, everybody? I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

Welcome to the show. It stinks in here.

[Phil Duckett]

We got a good one. I am so excited. I've been waiting all week for this, Turner.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, so we're going to get to your black and white advice questions later on in the show. But. But. And at the end, we're going to get to our white lies and dark truths. Joe Russell, you paying attention? All right, but before we do that, that's where. That's the fact check at the end of this show because we go off the cuff.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I have no problem lying to y'all.

[Turner Sparks]

We don't have time to stop and check facts in the middle of this show.

[Phil Duckett]

No, not when I'm slinging off the hip.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. So we're doing it at the end. But before all that, right now. All right. I'm probably going to be eating chitlins in a couple of minutes.

[Phil Duckett]

First of all, let's explain this.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay? Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

Because we do have quite a big white following, so everybody's not going to know what chitlin. There's. We pronounce them chitlins, but if you ever spell them, it's spelled like chitterlings.

[Turner Sparks]

I googled it today, and you read it's chitterling.

[Phil Duckett]

Chitterlings. But nobody. Nobody would be like, you want eating chitterlings. They be like, you eating chitlins.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

But chitlins are pig intestines. And it smells like somebody just cleaned out a porta potty. So basically, this room stinks. It smells like. And the thing is, as a black man, I grew up around chitlins like a black Southern man. Some chitlins were started in the South. They started as slave food, like the scraps of animals. And as we just made cuisine out of what we had.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And so over the years, you've seen chitlins really fizzle out of our community with the invention of Google.

[Turner Sparks]

I wonder why. And the invention of, like, we free now smelling.

[Phil Duckett]

We ain't got to eat like this. So that's why. Because my on, like, Christmas and stuff, like, my mom and grandma and aunt and uncle, the four of them, they might make a small one just so they can all get a little pinch with their rice. None of the grandkids are eating them. Like, the house smells like shit when they cook them as a kid, that's how I knew I didn't like them, because I was like, why is it stinking? They're like, we're making chitlins.

[Turner Sparks]

And are people eating them? Grandma's eating them. Because it's like a duty. It's like a delicacy.

[Phil Duckett]

It's a delicacy. No, no. They genuinely love chitlins. It's not like, oh, we're doing this for me, Mom. No, no. This is a delicacy in the black culture. And the old heads who. My Grandma's in her 80s, they love it, you know, I mean, they grew up on this shit. But me, I grew up a free man, so I was like, take me to McDonald's. I'm not eating that shit. So.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, so I'm probably going to be eating chitlins. We'll explain why in a minute. You are most likely going to be drinking baijo, which is right here. We got the brand. We're drinking Ming river baijiu. Baiji. I lived in China for 12 years. Baijiu is the official alcohol of China. It's basically. It's all the way down from, like, you know, like bathtub moonshine to, like, thousand dollars a bottle. Whatever. B, A, I, J, I, U. But pronounce it like, bye. Goodbye, Joe.

[Phil Duckett]

Bye, Joe.

[Turner Sparks]

Bye, Joe. There you go.

[Phil Duckett]

Is there cheers that they do with it?

[Turner Sparks]

Gong Bay gang BEI means like, finish your glass.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I like that. Bajo gang bei.

[Turner Sparks]

And when you go to a Chinese dinner, first of all, it does not smell great. I wait. I didn't want you to open the bottle till we're on the air. Go ahead and give it a whiff right now. Open it up. You ask. Yay. You ask my wife. What is it? You're like, does it smell like.

[Phil Duckett]

It smells like licorice.

[Turner Sparks]

Licorice. It's a little black licorice flavor, right? Oh, so you like it?

[Phil Duckett]

I like black jelly beans.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, good.

[Phil Duckett]

I like anything black, Turner.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, good.

[Phil Duckett]

Except my baby mama. She's white, some people.

[Turner Sparks]

So you might like it. My dad loves it. Most people are not into it, but either way, you're going to be drinking it we got a bijo glass. You right here. It's. This is 45%, so 90 proof alcohol.

[Phil Duckett]

Have you ever heard of ouzo? It's a Greek liquor.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

Is that basically like. I wonder if. Because it tastes like licorice.

[Turner Sparks]

It might be. I mean, so this is made from sorghum, which I don't know. Yeah. Was trying to explain to us outside what sorghum was.

[Phil Duckett]

They feed the cows.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, it's what they feed the cows. It's some kind of grain, and it's. I think it's the same deal. It's just that it was what you could make cheaply.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And then now they're doing elevated versions of it. Whatever. But let's not keep them waiting.

[Phil Duckett]

Let's not keep.

[Turner Sparks]

The reason why we're doing this is because we're doing Never have I Ever today. And we're. We're slightly changing it. I'm going to be. This is to learn about each other's races, which is what the show is. Right. So I'm going to be saying never have I ever. And then I'm going to fill in the blank with something that I do all the time that I'm assuming you've never done because of your race.

[Phil Duckett]

A couple of the ones of mine, because I. We'll see. They'll work. Some of these I've never done. Some of these I actually have done, but I was assuming you had definitely done. Cause I was trying to make you eat more chitlins, but I didn't know.

[Turner Sparks]

So if I've never. If you've never done it. If I'm guessing right, essentially, whatever I'm saying, if you've never done it, you drink.

[Phil Duckett]

If I've never done it.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, you drink.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

And then for me, the same thing.

[Phil Duckett]

When I read these. If you've never done it, I eat chillin's.

[Turner Sparks]

You drink baiju. I eat chillins.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm scared. Cause now I'm like, you might have done a lot of these and not.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, you might have, too. I mean, this is inherently gonna be a racist bit we're doing here.

[Phil Duckett]

My favorite.

[Turner Sparks]

But what is this show if not that? All right, so here we go. Never have I ever. Who wants to go first?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, since it's closer to Black History Month, I guess it should be me.

[Turner Sparks]

When is. Okay, sure.

[Phil Duckett]

Wait, did you just say when is it?

[Turner Sparks]

No, no, no. It's February. But when is right now? I mean, like, we don. We don't know when this is coming out. So right now could be anytime.

[Phil Duckett]

Gotcha.

[Turner Sparks]

I thought you were like, you know.

[Phil Duckett]

I thought you were literally, like, what month is that again? Like, we are fucked. All right, here we go. Never have I ever used a washcloth. We know white people go bar to skin.

[Turner Sparks]

I've never used a washcloth.

[Phil Duckett]

You never used a washcloth?

[Turner Sparks]

I use. What's it called? A loofah.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, but you've never used a washcloth.

[Turner Sparks]

I've never used. All right, so I'm eating chitlins. Oh, Jesus. I didn't even bring something in to.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, wash it down.

[Turner Sparks]

Wash it down with. And I don't drink alcohol. That's why I'm not drinking the baijiu. Dude, come on. All right. First bite of chitlins in my life. Here we go. Oh, dude. Oh, my. Oh, the aftertaste. I'm gonna be burping this up for, like. I will say that the flavor is not as bad as the smell, but the problem is you have to chew it for a while because it's intestine.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And then it. Once you. If you chews in, the smell gets into your nose and then into your eyes, and it's disguised. I mean it. I don't.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't want. It's putrid.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't want to be racially rude.

[Phil Duckett]

Turner, we didn't have an option.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my Lord.

[Phil Duckett]

This came from slavery.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my God.

[Phil Duckett]

It was eat this or eat the dirt. So, you know, like that.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, dude, I might take the dirt. Dirt. Oh. All right, you ready?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Wait, what did you ask me? Oh, used a washcloth. All right. Never have I ever voted.

[Phil Duckett]

Of course I vote. Ah. What type of racist, uneducated shit is this? You assumed I had never voted. I'm like, we had a black president. If anybody was getting to vote, it was going to be him.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, wait, let me do another one. Never have I ever. Never have I ever skateboarded. Hey, by Joe time, you might enjoy this, actually. So it's in such small glasses. You fill it up. Fill it up.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, it's mostly filled up.

[Turner Sparks]

It's in such small glasses because you drink, like, 12 of them at a dinner in China Bai.

[Phil Duckett]

Joe Geico. What was that?

[Turner Sparks]

Gong bae.

[Phil Duckett]

Gong bae. I'm sorry.

[Turner Sparks]

Into camera one.

[Phil Duckett]

Gang bae. By. Oh, by Joe Gangbae.

[Turner Sparks]

I like that just kung fu accent you threw on there.

[Joe Russell]

What does that taste like?

[Phil Duckett]

Wow.

[Joe Russell]

Is it licorice?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. No.

[Joe Russell]

Oh.

[Turner Sparks]

You were very confident going in.

[Phil Duckett]

I was. I was like, this shit gonna be straight. It warms every inch of your nipples. It's hot. Like, it's. Like it's fire.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Bye, Joe. Oh, you.

[Turner Sparks]

What? I mean, I love it. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

If y'all want to sponsor us, let us know.

[Turner Sparks]

You can't describe. I mean, like, because you asked outside. What's the flavor? It's not like anything you've ever had.

[Phil Duckett]

No, it was like a mixture, like kerosene and wasabi. Wasabi?

[Turner Sparks]

Wasabi's Japanese.

[Phil Duckett]

Never mind. I'm gonna stay away from that. And how would I know that? Okay, all right, so my turn.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, give me one.

[Phil Duckett]

Never have I ever used someone else's toothbrush.

[Turner Sparks]

God damn. I have. When I. Wait, before I eat, let me tell you, because I want to stall for a second. When I was 8, I think our family, we all. If we couldn't find our toothbrush real fast, we would just use whatever toothbrush was there.

[Phil Duckett]

Shut your mouth, Turner.

[Turner Sparks]

You did not do that 100% true.

[Phil Duckett]

It was a community brush.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, and we all got sick. We all.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, no.

[Turner Sparks]

What's it called? Not mono, but salmonella. No, no. What's the one that's like, a really bad flu where everybody almost dies? We didn't almost die.

[Phil Duckett]

Has smallpox. What the.

[Turner Sparks]

No. Basically, like, bird fluid. No, it's a human flu, but it was like, a bad. What's it. What's it called? I don't know. We got the flu.

[Joe Russell]

Pneumonia.

[Turner Sparks]

Pneumonia. My mom got it first, and we kept using the community toothbrush. Yeah, I mean, I think my dad's the only one who didn't get. My dad refused to use the community toothbrush.

[Phil Duckett]

Your dad was the brightest man in the movie.

[Turner Sparks]

My mom and my brother and I did, and the three of us all got pneumonia.

[Phil Duckett]

All right, buddy. That's like natural selection. Y'all almost died. And it would have been because nobody.

[Turner Sparks]

Does that, but that was the last time we did that.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, thank God.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, you ready?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, dude, how big do I.

[Phil Duckett]

That's enough.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, okay, that's enough. There's a little bit of spice on here. That's helpful, but it's not that helpful.

[Phil Duckett]

Turner, I'm impressed.

[Turner Sparks]

Ah. Ah. Okay, Ready? Never have I ever called the cops on someone.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, I ain't never done that.

[Turner Sparks]

Do it.

[Phil Duckett]

Call the cops. I was like, I don't call that. I'll tell. I'll call Superman before I call the police. Never call it. Them motherfuckers.

[Turner Sparks]

Joe, have you ever called the cops on anyone?

[Joe Russell]

Maybe when I saw, like, a car accident, like, in front of me.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, okay.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, that's not on someone.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay. That's why I was like, well, I've done that.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yes, I did.

[Joe Russell]

Downstairs in my apartment. We used to have a husband and wife downstairs where it sounded like someone was being abused. So I called the cops.

[Phil Duckett]

Come to find out it was just rough sex.

[Turner Sparks]

There was a guy walking through my neighborhood, in my old neighborhood in Brooklyn who was just going door to door. It was during the pandemic, so everyone was, like, sitting outside. He was going door to door, trying to, like, unlock doors to brownstone homes. And then. So I called the cops on him.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that's fair.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, that's the only time, but nailed it. So you never. Is it. Would you ever. Is there any scenario where you would call the cops?

[Phil Duckett]

No. No funny. No funny shit. Not trying to be so pro black with the police and shit, because I'm not. I've never wanted the black people, like, defund the police. I'm like, you need the motherfucker. Let's not do that. There's been a couple of times I thought about calling the cops. I just couldn't. My fingers wouldn't do it, so. And my heart, my. My heart turned real white, and my fingers. Like, you're not that scared? Like, never? Because here's the thing, you just. You don't know what cop you're gonna get. Yeah, you might get the cool cop. You also get the cop who's literally an asshole. And as a black dude, I've run into cops who are just shitty people, and they use their power for evil. And so you don't ever know if they're gonna escalate a small situation. Next thing you know, you done got shot, handcuffed, tased. It just ain't even worth it to me. Like, I would need somebody to be a dire fucking.

[Turner Sparks]

You mean you call and then all of a sudden you're involved?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, I call, they pull up, they think I'm the guy that was called about. They come out with their guns drawn, you know, I mean, it's like, I'm the one who called you. Let me see your fucking hands. Yeah, you're like, what the fuck? You know, I mean, I've seen that happen. So, yeah, I stay out of business.

[Turner Sparks]

Even if. Even if it's a white guy you're calling on. Like, if the criminal's a white guy.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm gonna whip the white guy's ass. I ain't calling. I'm gonna handle this myself.

[Turner Sparks]

Take matters into your own.

[Phil Duckett]

We're gonna fuck him up, you know, but it's. I've never done that.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, let's do one more.

[Phil Duckett]

My turn.

[Turner Sparks]

And then I'm gonna die.

[Phil Duckett]

And then your farts are going, oh.

[Turner Sparks]

God, I will sit you. Well, you didn't even drink that one.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I'm sorry, dude. Bye, Joe.

[Turner Sparks]

Gang bay.

[Phil Duckett]

Gang bay. Hear my stomach, like, jumping.

[Turner Sparks]

I can hear it.

[Phil Duckett]

It's like. I don't know.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, it's kicking back at you. I used to host a show in China called By Jo Debates, A live standup show. And it wasn't stand up. It was this. It was me judging, and then two contestants, and I would give them a debate topic on the spot. Like something stupid, not political. Right. What's better, McDonald's or Burger King? Whatever. And then they did a debate, and then the audience voted by round of applause. Whoever lost had to take a shot. Like, a full shot of By Joe. People were blacked out drunk within 20 minutes for sure. Every single shot.

[Phil Duckett]

Wow. Never have I ever let a dog lick me in the mouth.

[Turner Sparks]

I. No, no, no. Here's the question. I don't think I've ever let you.

[Phil Duckett]

Know, say, hey, poochie, poochie, and then you just let him lick your lip.

[Turner Sparks]

It's probably. I haven't done. I haven't done the. I haven't shaken my head in approval, like, side to side.

[Phil Duckett]

Let me tell you something, Community brush. I don't put nothing past you.

[Turner Sparks]

Wait, have I. I've never made out with a dog. I've had a dog lick me in the face and then I, like, pull the dog away.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, God. You didn't just sit there and let him groom you?

[Turner Sparks]

No.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

What does that mean? Do I still have to eat chitlins?

[Phil Duckett]

No, because we've all been accidentally.

[Turner Sparks]

Accidentally. Like the ones I've been accidentally.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. And they let them do the whole nose. No, no, no.

[Turner Sparks]

I've never done that.

[Phil Duckett]

You got off easy on that.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay. Never have I ever posted a negative Yelp review. I say that because it feels like a very white thing.

[Phil Duckett]

I just don't think I've even had the time. You know what I don't have? Yelp app. I've tried to do it through Google and was like, download the app. And I was like, it ain't worth it.

[Turner Sparks]

Google review, too. Just a negative review. But you've even never done that.

[Phil Duckett]

I've never done that. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, go for it. Last one.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. At least there's one.

[Turner Sparks]

Are you feeling the Baijo at all?

[Phil Duckett]

I'm burning up.

[Turner Sparks]

Do you feel it? Like. Like in Your head like the buzz.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, no. You know I'm borderline alcoholic. But you know what? Just so y'all know, I'm different than Turner, all right? This shit is in my blood.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, Chillings. Oh. Phil reached over for the listening audience. Phil reached over and grabbed the chitlin and took the bijo shot. Look at you.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what a real man looks like, Turner.

[Turner Sparks]

Look at that. We will be back in a minute with your black and white advice questions.

[Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield]

Working from home. That means you're also eating from home. We suggest stocking your fridge and pantry with fruits and veggies so you always have a healthy snack within reach. This healthy suggestion is brought to you by Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oregon. Together, we help.

[GEICO]

How do you feel when you switch to GEICO and save on your car insurance? It's like going to work on one Thursday morning and thinking to yourself, just one more day until Friday. But then somebody in the elevator says, happy Friday. Then you check your phone quickly and discover today is actually Friday. So, yes. Happy Friya, random stranger in the elevator. Happy Friyay indeed. Yep. Switching and saving with GEICO feels just like that. Get more with geico.

[Turner Sparks]

Wait a minute.

[Joe Russell]

Is this the first time that Asian liquor has been eaten with chitlin?

[Turner Sparks]

With chilin? Yeah. Although my wife Ye was telling me. She was telling me outside, by the way. So we opened this before we went on the air, and my wife was outside in the other room, and she's like, oh, in China, we eat pig intestines, all types of intestines. But she's like, they zhuzh it up even that. She almost puked. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

She said, wow, that's disgusting.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, she's like, at least we put, like, sauce on it and stuff.

[Phil Duckett]

It tastes like somebody put a pinch of dookie in my cheek. Like, I'm dipping. Like I'm dipping poop. That's gross. That's what it tastes like. It tastes like shit in my cheek.

[Turner Sparks]

Like a dumpster.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Like if dumpster juice got put on some tofu.

[Turner Sparks]

Here's my question. How do we get rid of this? Because the stink is, like, overwhelming.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, you thought you seal that up in the bag it came in and then you throw that away.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm just gonna take it outside and.

[Phil Duckett]

Then you take out your trip before.

[Turner Sparks]

We come back with you don't want that sitting overnight. Next bit, our next segment.

[Phil Duckett]

That shit was.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we'll be right back. Hey, you want to get bonus content, early episodes, and have your questions answered on the show?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, Then subscribe to Our [e-mail] Black and white advice and subscribe right now.

[Turner Sparks]

Do it. And we'll give you a shout out on a future episode.

[Phil Duckett]

And I might call you the N word.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we're back. Phil's Buzz. Yeah, you're gonna. We're gonna go to China at some point and you're gonna absolutely love it. Probably so, because when I. Okay, so I moved there when I was 22 years old. And the way to get respect culturally is that when you sit down at a dinner, you drink like a whole bottle of the baijo. And the way you drink it is in that little glasses. So if you're listening, Phil was drinking out of these tiny, like a half a shot glass. And the reason why you drink it is so you can drink like 20 shots in a dinner. And dinner will be from like 5:30 to 8. And anytime anyone, usually older than you, but it could be anybody, cheers you like, they'll cheers you one on one. Not just you, not the whole table one time. At the beginning of the dinner, it could be every three minutes. Somebody's like, hey, Phil, cheers. You have to drink. You can't say no.

[Phil Duckett]

What do you mean I can't say no?

[Turner Sparks]

I mean, you can if you literally don't drink.

[Phil Duckett]

But I was saying, if I'm fresh off the wagon.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, but what? And then, yeah, yeah, if you're a non drinker, you cannot drink. But if you're a drink, if you express, if you early in the night, you've already been drinking, the uncles will spot you as like, ah, that guy will drink with me. And anytime they want to drink, it's seen as bad to drink alone, to just pull up your. To pour a shot for yourself and drink it by yourself when no one else.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what they told me about sake. They're like, don't pour your own sake. We'll pour it because it's bad luck.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. So then they'll. To save face for themselves, they'll be like, it's not just for me. It's me and Phil are doing it.

[Phil Duckett]

So would you say, are the Chinese big drinkers? Like, they're big drinkers, really?

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah, I know.

[Phil Duckett]

They're big cigarette smokers.

[Turner Sparks]

Big cigarette smokers.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, I've never seen people smoke cigarettes like Chinese people. Like, they smoke cigs.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. And when you go to a wedding, you get a pack of cigarettes on your table as a party favorite. Everybody gets one. So when you sit down for dinner at the Wedding, it'll be like chopsticks. Like. Like, we would have a fork and a knife and a plate. They would have chopsticks, a plate, and a pack of cigarettes. And if you don't do that, it's like, really?

[Phil Duckett]

Like, if you don't smoke cigs.

[Turner Sparks]

No, if you don't. If you don't give everyone a pack of cigs, it's like, who. Who's. Whose dump wedding is this?

[Phil Duckett]

You know, person's wedding is this. Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, let's. Should we get to the question?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, first question from Ty in Oakland. Why don't white people use lotion? We all know it's better.

[Phil Duckett]

Questions that keep me awake at night. I can't. I'll be honest with you. I don't know. I've always actually wondered that. And because I've, you know, I've grown up around a lot of white folks and not. I do know some white people that actually use lotion. You know, my girl uses lotion. But as a. As a whole, I think y'all run from the moisture. And I've heard white people say, well, we don't get ashy. You get gray. All right? Your elbows, your knees, they get gray. When they're real dry, that's ash.

[Turner Sparks]

What age do you guys start using lotion? Is it, like, from childhood?

[Phil Duckett]

From the time you come out of your I lotion? My daughter, every time she gets out.

[Turner Sparks]

The bathtub, and you're like, eight months old.

[Phil Duckett]

Eight months old, head to toe.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, here's the thing. Here's why we don't use lotion. There's multiple reasons. Number one, it seen especially young men. Oh. So I think. I think white women might use lotion.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

White men, no. Absolutely not. But you're kind of top by your dad. It's like a little.

[Phil Duckett]

Right?

[Turner Sparks]

What am I, a girl? You know?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I'm not gonna be in moisturize.

[Turner Sparks]

We don't use. We don't use straws. Do you guys drink out of straws?

[Phil Duckett]

You damn right. At a restaurant, I'm. I've never put my lips on a glass. I always have to drink a straw.

[Turner Sparks]

You always drink a straw?

[Phil Duckett]

I always have to drink out. I used to work at a restaurant. They barely washed the cups. I was told through.

[Turner Sparks]

And everyone I know, we were taught no straw. Men don't drink straws.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, you don't drink it like a bitch. And you turn your feminine. You know, you don't do it like this because that. That is feminine.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay. We don't do that.

[Phil Duckett]

But if you just drink a straw, you drink it. You drink out of a straw. Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

But the way you just did it the effeminate way. Yeah. With your head to the side.

[Phil Duckett]

That's how Prince used to drink that.

[Turner Sparks]

The Prince way of drinking straws is the same way we look. When you're brought up as a. As a white male, as using lotion.

[Phil Duckett]

Wow.

[Turner Sparks]

It's seen as like something a woman would do. It's like putting. It's part of, like a skincare routine. Is something we stay away.

[Phil Duckett]

I didn't say. I'm plucking my eyebrows and I'm like putting the mask on lotion. Boom, boom, boom, quick. Because first of all, being ashy looks bad. It makes you look like. You know what I mean? Why are you not moisturized? You just can't afford it. It takes nothing.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm not defending it. I'm just saying here's the reasons. It's to the detriment of our own health.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, I think there's a correlation.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, I remember childhood just being itchy all the time.

[Phil Duckett]

Cause your skin is screaming for moisture. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And I never. I would tell my parents. Parents, they'd be like, hey, I'm really itchy. I'd be like 8 years old. And they're like. I don't know. Like, I don't think we were. We had the education on lotion.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I think that's one my wife.

[Phil Duckett]

Friends are. I don't like being sticky. I said, what are you. I didn't say use Vaseline. Like, lotion rubs into the skin, so.

[Turner Sparks]

I use it now, but I didn't start using it till I got married. See, my wife's Chinese, and you look 10 years younger.

[Phil Duckett]

Because there's a correlation between lotion and aging. Most white people age like avocados. That's because y'all don't put lotion on your skin withers because it's never been fed.

[Turner Sparks]

True.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. We popping over here, melanin bombing because we keep the moisture.

[Turner Sparks]

You gotta eat.

[Phil Duckett]

Come on. It's a living organism. It's gotta be fed.

[Turner Sparks]

Another reason is I think we see it as a waste of time. Meaning I'm late for everything all the time. And so when I get out of the shower, I'm just like, now I do you it. Now I'm saying, me as a younger man, man, I just go. I'm not going to take the extra 30 seconds or minute to put on lotion.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't normally wear lotion in the summertime because it makes me sweat. Too bad. And because I'm sweating also my skin's naturally moisturized cuz I'm always sweating.

[Turner Sparks]

And then you're like sl.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm literally dripping. I can't. It clogs my pores.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

The winter time, I can't go without it. I'll be itching so bad I have to. I put lotion on.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm the same now. And I've also want to say, I think that white people have made progress on this.

[Phil Duckett]

You are.

[Turner Sparks]

Because I. When I go home now, my whole family, my dad's lotion, my mom, everybody lotion. But growing up, no one.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

We didn't have. We didn't have health. We didn't have health education into. We didn't know what to eat. We just knew that like Burger King made you fat or you know, fast food was bad. Everything else was good. We didn't know like carb. They didn't tell us what carbs were. And lotion. Those are the two big.

[Phil Duckett]

And a community toothbrush is like.

[Turner Sparks]

And we all gave each other mana.

[Phil Duckett]

That is so crazy to me that you're like Burger King's hell. Unhealthy. That's unhealthy. One toothbrush for four of us. Perfect.

[Turner Sparks]

Pretty. Pretty gross.

[Phil Duckett]

That is wild stuff.

[Turner Sparks]

Anyway, that's the best answer I got. Yeah. What do you.

[Joe Russell]

So you know how like a lot of older black people look young? Really good. Is that because of the lotion or is that just genetics?

[Phil Duckett]

Genetics. Melanin makes our skin gives us elasticity so it doesn't wrinkle as quickly. But the lotion helps with that because it. If it definitely helps.

[Turner Sparks]

You have no wrinkles. I'm just noticing right now, buddy.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm the real deal.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that. Is that lotion based lotion?

[Phil Duckett]

I've actually. Shea butter. I only really use lotion. My mom makes her own shea butter.

[Turner Sparks]

What's shea butter?

[Phil Duckett]

A bunch of essential oils and things like that. I guess I don't really know shea. I think it's a root that'll be in our fact check for sure.

[Turner Sparks]

Homemade lotion.

[Phil Duckett]

Now my mom makes her own like shea butter. Yeah. And stuff like that. And it's great for the skin. I mean, look, I'm glistening. I haven't put it on in hours.

[Turner Sparks]

You look great.

[Phil Duckett]

Thanks buddy. But no. Yeah, that's the lotion. You gotta have the lotion.

[Turner Sparks]

Should we go to the next question?

[Phil Duckett]

Next question.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay. This is from James and from China. He's in America, but from China. I just moved To I just moved to America. When I'm referring to someone like Phil, am I supposed to say black, African American, or person of color? It's so confusing. Before I arrived, I was told to say African American, but I don't hear many people use that term.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that term's fizzled out. But you can always use African American. Nobody's going to really be, like, offended. Person of color could probably get your teeth knocked out. I hate person of color.

[Turner Sparks]

You hate person. Why? Why did. A couple of years ago, it was decided you had to say po.

[Phil Duckett]

White people decided that we none of.

[Turner Sparks]

Us knew that was white. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

We were like, where the.

[Turner Sparks]

I never used it.

[Phil Duckett]

We thought y'all were getting tricky with the wording because y'all couldn't call us colored people no more. So you said people of color, and that's why I don't like.

[Turner Sparks]

I agree.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm like, this is the way we're going backwards. But black is always. And some people get weird. I'm like, you know, black's not a bad word. It's a color. Like, we're black.

[Turner Sparks]

Sure.

[Phil Duckett]

African American you can use. But it's fizzled out because we were African American at one point. The ones that got off the boat and became slaves in America were African American. None. It's been seven generations, 10 generations since we've off the boat. Maybe more than that.

[Turner Sparks]

Been in Africa.

[Phil Duckett]

Been in Africa. I don't know a relative in my family who's even seen Africa. So we can't be African American. But, I mean, I guess you can say that because, you know, I did my 23andMe, and, you know, I'm like, 87% West African. But by heritage, you know, I mean, like, yeah, this is. But, yeah, if you struck me off in Africa right now, it'd be the same as me going to Greece. I wouldn't know shit. I'd be like, okay, lions and zebras, you know, I mean, I'd be lost.

[Turner Sparks]

You're not like, oh, I'm home.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I would not feel like that. But now, you know, I'm sure I would assimilate pretty quick because I am a brother. But African, black, and American black are not the same if you know anything about it. Most Africans do not fuck with black Americans. They think we're lazy and shit like that. Like, it's like a weird, like, unspoken thing. A lot of Africans don't really read, like, pants hanging off your ass.

[Turner Sparks]

That's what they say.

[Phil Duckett]

Sagging, lazy. Yeah. You know, like, let me think about a Lot of Nigerians and are the hardest workers you've ever met. Most of them just work their ass off. If they're not doctors, they're the best delivery man you've ever had. Like they have a work ethic about them.

[Turner Sparks]

A lot of doctors. Doctors are delivery man.

[Phil Duckett]

But that's what I'm saying. That's the scale. Like the top of the all of them are hard workers, but depending on where they're from, they're either a doctor or they, you know, have some blue collar job. But whatever it is, they are like the hardest workers.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, but even the delivery man was a doctor back in over there and.

[Phil Duckett]

They just won't let him cut people open here. But he still does it in his apartment.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

So, you know, that's how it is. But no, I just, I think person of color for me, I don't like that. I'm just like, nah.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay. As an outsider, that never made sense to me. When did it come about? Like five years ago?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, during the cancel culture shit.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

When everybody got 18, 20, 20, all that shit. That's when all sudden we were people of color and everybody was on the spectrum and gay.

[Turner Sparks]

Everybody was. Every member. When every show was. You had to be on the spectrum to like be on tv.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I have a reason. I have a theory why. I think it's because as a writer, like the good doctor is on the spectrum. There's a show called Spectrum Ville or something.

[Phil Duckett]

Love on the spectrum.

[Turner Sparks]

Love on the spectrum. Because it's a. It's an easy character to write. Don't you think? If you're writing a show, I swear to you, if you're writing a show, I don't think this is offensive. It might be, but if you're writing a show, someone who just speaks their mind, no matter if the. If it's the contextually the right thing to do or not.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, so you just say whatever, yeah, he's autistic.

[Turner Sparks]

It's like, yeah, it's an easy. If I'm sitting down to write a character, if I'm writing. It's so easy to write a guy who's like, you're ugly or like, I don't want to date you because you're poor.

[Phil Duckett]

Right.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, I can write that.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

It's harder to write nuance.

[Phil Duckett]

That's true. I never even thought about it like that. I just thought we liked picking on them so we just kind of made it try to hide it more like. No, we're inclusive.

[Turner Sparks]

That's part of.

[Phil Duckett]

But we're all watching them and laughing. Nobody's watching this shit. Like, I wish I was dating a slow person.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, oh, the love on the spectrum. Yeah, that. I have another theory that. Okay, so they don't. Like, it's. For some reason you're not allowed not for some reason you're not allowed to have freak shows anymore. Right. I think they still.

[Phil Duckett]

Actually, they have one in Coney Island. I went a couple years ago, but they're. The freak show is so ghetto. They're all just cornies that they. That they bring into.

[Turner Sparks]

They have like a bearded lady and like.

[Phil Duckett]

But she was just a lady with stubble. I'm like, it's not really the same. I got aunt that looks like that bearded lady.

[Joe Russell]

I saw two of them.

[Phil Duckett]

Chelsea.

[Joe Russell]

Chelsea.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah. You walk around.

[Phil Duckett]

So it's like, it's not really the same, you know? I mean, like, there's like five of.

[Turner Sparks]

Them at the Comedy Cellar right now, too.

[Phil Duckett]

That's like, we have Google now, too.

[Turner Sparks]

The only way to get past these.

[Phil Duckett]

Days, you got to have something.

[Turner Sparks]

You got to be a bearded lady.

[Phil Duckett]

Bearded lady.

[Joe Russell]

There's freak shows now, though. It's called TLC's Thousand Pound Life.

[Turner Sparks]

This is my point. So everyone's too good for freak shows all of a sudden. I think we should still have freaks and freak shows. But a society's decided we're not. But we just put them all on TV and we say we're proud of them, right?

[Phil Duckett]

And we're all literally smoking like, look at this moron. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

No one's proud of the thousand pound ladies.

[Phil Duckett]

No. Ever. Matter of fact, we're there to see the doctor and say, you're fat. Yeah, the doctor is the funniest ones. I'm like, he's the meanest, funniest guy. He's the best one. But no, that show. Those are the freak shows now. You know what I mean? What was it? Little person, big world where there's just a gang of midgets? You know, I mean, it's like. I mean, it's interesting, but people aren't watching it. Like, oh, I gotta be in this room. It's like we're watching it because we're like, do you see this shit?

[Turner Sparks]

It's fun to see midget.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, exactly. And that's the problem because you can't even say that now. People are like, no. I'm like, but you watch the shit every week, don't you? So you do like to see midgets. I'm not wrong for observing what you like doing.

[Turner Sparks]

Everyone and people have always liked to see midgets.

[Phil Duckett]

And I have always been a big. You know, I've slept with two in my life.

[Turner Sparks]

Good for you.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I don't discriminate. So, yeah, I've slept with two little people.

[Turner Sparks]

That's fun.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, they all got the donkey on them. They just always got their fat ass. Every single one of them got a fat ass. Yeah. And the first one that I got with, I was 18. And then seven years later, when I was in grad school, I was in Ohio. I was 25. The one when I was 25, I met her in Walmart. She was reaching for the spicy Doritos, couldn't get to them. They were on the third shelf. I walked over to her, I was like, need a hand with those? She was like, you are so sweet.

[Turner Sparks]

You're like Andre the Giant.

[Phil Duckett]

Literally third shelf. Literally just walked up, reached my hand out. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Now I have a question. What do they prefer to be called? Is it little people or is that like a POC thing?

[Phil Duckett]

That's what I'm saying. I don't know because I think it is. I think they might have voted on this.

[Turner Sparks]

They voted little people.

[Phil Duckett]

Little people census.

[Turner Sparks]

And they were like, that's another odd one. Because they're people like anybody else.

[Phil Duckett]

Right. And I think they should be allowed to vote with the rest of us. But I don't know. Here's the thing. One day, I think it's one day. But I think that the fuck was I. No, I think that that's what really. What's going on with the whole. They, they decided that. I don't know. Be honest. Because I've talked to a couple of them and they're like, I don't give a shit if you say midget or not. Like, I don't. You know what?

[Turner Sparks]

That's most people. Yeah. They're like, you actually get down to any. Any different group. They're like, I don't. Call me whatever.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I mean, just don't be fucking rude. But it's like you said, if you said midget, I'm not gonna like jump down your throat. Because honestly, I feel like midget. I feel like little person is way more offensive than midget.

[Turner Sparks]

That's why I was.

[Phil Duckett]

Because you're a grown ass fucking man. You're 35 years old. And I'm like, look at this little guy that.

[Turner Sparks]

Now I do have a real question because we were saying, you know, like, black don't crack, right. Asian don't raisin. I've heard What? I feel like midgets.

[Phil Duckett]

Midgets don't gidget.

[Turner Sparks]

They don't gidget. They're all the same. You can't tell an age difference. That's an upside. The midgets don't get you.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't get crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't know what Gidget means, but I agree. They don't.

[Phil Duckett]

Midgets don't fidget. It works.

[Joe Russell]

The last munchkin from wizard of Oz.

[Turner Sparks]

Now, I don't like the term Munchkin.

[Phil Duckett]

Munchkin.

[Joe Russell]

Wizard of Oz.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, he just died.

[Phil Duckett]

He was an actual yellow brick road.

[Joe Russell]

He's like 100 years old.

[Phil Duckett]

I didn't know they lived that long. Yeah. Wow. I mean, I gotta understand. I wonder, like, I feel like for midges, I wonder if their life insurance policies are less than normal people because the coffin don't gotta be as big.

[Turner Sparks]

I consider them normal people, you know.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, like, dude, they just get an extravagant wedding with the same amount.

[Turner Sparks]

They get a wheel.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. You know, I mean, because your. Your life insurance policy is 100k, but your coffin is only like 600 bucks.

[Joe Russell]

Well, they definitely do wear children's clothes. That's a fact.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Joe Russell]

So they probably use a children's basket.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that family's eating good.

[Turner Sparks]

At some point, we got to get a on here as a. As a guest.

[Phil Duckett]

I would love to have a few in here.

[Turner Sparks]

A few.

[Phil Duckett]

We could fit a few, and we could have a real fun game with that. We have a hell of a game.

[Turner Sparks]

Just under the table. Oh, my Lord.

[Phil Duckett]

Is so fun.

[Turner Sparks]

What was the question? I don't even. I literally.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know how we got on midgets.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't either. Was it, why don't white people use lotion? No, there had to be.

[Phil Duckett]

We could not have transitioned from lotion to midges.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, next question is. This is from Andy in Melbourne, Australia. He wants to know, Phil, what do you think of Ray Gun, the white.

[Phil Duckett]

Woman who ruined the Olympics?

[Turner Sparks]

The white break dancer lady.

[Phil Duckett]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Y'all ain't gonna disrespect breakdance.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, it's true. True, true, true.

[Phil Duckett]

Breakdancer.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

The white woman who conned her way into the Olympics. Yes. And won a medal.

[Turner Sparks]

Y. She. Wait, she didn't win a medal. She got zero votes.

[Phil Duckett]

You know what? She was on that on. On global television. That was enough medal for me. This is my problem with Ray Gun is go. First of all, man, I get it. I mean, black culture is the coolest culture. All right? We get it. But first of all, I'm not even mad at Ray Gun. Like, as a hustler myself. If I can get away with it, I'mma do it, so I can't be mad at her. I want to know who the. On the committee said. Yeah, this is.

[Turner Sparks]

Who was.

[Phil Duckett]

Who did she battle to get to the Olympics? Like, I gotta. I would like to just see how she even got there, because you cannot tell me that the people she beat to get to the Olympics were worse. I just not. And call themselves breakdancers. They just. I think she was a white lady that just needed a free vacation and she found a way to get that.

[Turner Sparks]

So. Respect.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. I have no problem with her. Cause I watched the breakdance thing. Even without Ray Gunn, it was absolutely awful.

[Turner Sparks]

It was a disaster. What about. There was one lady from, like, Norway with a durag on.

[Phil Duckett]

No, all of them had durags on. That was the part that fucked me up.

[Turner Sparks]

White people with durags.

[Phil Duckett]

Finland. Scottish Finland. Why are y'all wearing durags?

[Turner Sparks]

Well, that. And I wanted to ask you that because that confused me because I thought I knew what the point of a durag was.

[Phil Duckett]

Waves.

[Turner Sparks]

It was for waves. For hair.

[Phil Duckett]

For hair.

[Turner Sparks]

Specifically black hair.

[Phil Duckett]

Right.

[Turner Sparks]

So why is a white person wearing a durag? What is.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know. But we let Eminem wear a durag all through 2000.

[Turner Sparks]

Did he.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, my God. Eminem always had a Lord durag back in the day. He had. Always had it wrapped up with the headband back in. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And no one questioned him.

[Phil Duckett]

It's Slim Shady.

[Turner Sparks]

He's pretty good at what he does.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what I'm saying. So that's what I'm saying. That's the only. But when you have an event where you just completely, like, culture vulched the entire black judge 100%. That's what it was. I mean, the judges were wearing kangals with durags. Every single one of them. There was, like, two black judges in the whole damn thing. What the fuck? Who y'all are? Playing dress up.

[Turner Sparks]

It made me uncomfortable to watch.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, it's like, let's be black today.

[Turner Sparks]

Ugh.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what it felt like.

[Turner Sparks]

And so I do have some information, though. She. The way she got in is, first of all, her husband, I believe, was the main decider.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, they gotta fire him.

[Turner Sparks]

And then second of all, it. She. They came up with the rules, like her and her husband, how to. How you qualify. In Australia, you had to get three permits, and it was 150 application per permit just to be able to be in the competition. So it was 450 bucks to try out.

[Phil Duckett]

What do you need a permit to dance for? Was it footless?

[Turner Sparks]

She came up with all the rules so no one could join.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, they ought to be impressed.

[Turner Sparks]

So then therefore, the people in Australia who do break. Because then after that, there was all these videos of, like, real breakers in Australia who are really good, and they're like, yeah, but I couldn't afford to. Like, I had to fly halfway across the country. I had to pay 450 bucks. And then even if I got in, I had to buy my own flight to Paris. It's like, I couldn't afford all that.

[Phil Duckett]

Wait, they don't fly, the Olympians?

[Turner Sparks]

I don't think they flew.

[Phil Duckett]

Not the break dancers. LeBron is getting flown, but yeah, of course the breakdancers. That makes sense.

[Turner Sparks]

I will say this. I knew it was over when she came out in her cricket uniform.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what I thought it was too. I didn't know what. I thought she was a judge.

[Turner Sparks]

It was like an Australian cricket.

[Phil Duckett]

And then this bitch started bunny hopping. I said, cut the TV off.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, so anyway, final conclusion is.

[Phil Duckett]

Fuck Ray and her gun.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay. Earlier you were happy for.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. But now that I know, I thought she just hustled the system. I didn't know she was. Was the sister.

[Turner Sparks]

She was the sister.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. No, I don't have.

[Turner Sparks]

And then. And then when. When. When there was backlash against her, she tried to say that it was like an anti women thing.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Meanwhile, she was competing against women.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Make sense.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Final question, Charlie. In Detroit, I'm white and my girlfriend is black. I'm meeting her parents for the first time, and I've already been told they don't like me and aren't exactly excited to meet me. Me, I do have a couple of DUIs, but I don't think they know that unless they looked up my public records. I think they probably. They know what's a good gift to bring them. This guy says, in the past, for other girlfriends who are white, in the past, I'd bring alcohol, but I don't know if that's offensive culturally or risky, considering my DUI history. In this case.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, in this case, you're probably not gonna be with this chick much longer anyway, so bring the liqu. Because let me tell you, the parents know. Black parents know everything. Especially you tell me, bringing a white. Well, they're like, they want to know everything. They want to know his background. They want to know, does he have any serial killers, active shooters in his family? We want to know. So they are. And so you bring that. I can already hear a black, black father. You got three DUIs. You come in like. I brought you this wine. He seems to be issue all the time, doesn't it? Like it'd be a real issue.

[Turner Sparks]

You drive over here, you're driving home.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Nice.

[Phil Duckett]

With my daughter. Get your honky ass out of here. But no, I don't. Yeah, I honestly. Flowers, Flowers. Bring some flower bouquet if you want to do that. You could always bring a nice marble rye if you're Jewish. I don't know, bread, always.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm going to go out on a limb and say he's not Jewish.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, probably not. Three DUIs.

[Turner Sparks]

Three DUIs, living in Detroit, white guy.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, probably not, but no. Yeah, here's the thing. Like I said, they already probably don't like you, so you're gonna. You're playing from behind anyway, so you definitely don't come empty handed. But I would either do like a bouquet of like a floral arrangement for like a centerpiece for the table. It would be classy, but normally a bad idea. Yeah, but normally most people, even black, you know, wine. But you also need to do your research. What type of parents does she have? Do they drink? Do you know what I mean? Like, you gotta ask the question.

[Turner Sparks]

If he had no DUIs, would you say alcohol?

[Phil Duckett]

I bring a bottle of wine.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay. You would?

[Phil Duckett]

I would definitely. Yeah. But since you're clearly a.

[Turner Sparks]

With the three DUIs, staunch alcoholic. I do like the idea of just, just coming over blasted drunk.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And bring a bottle of whiskey and half empty whiskey.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. You're toast.

[Turner Sparks]

I would say alcohol is a good gift. I mean, if you don't have the DUIs, right? We don't drink. My. My wife drinks a little bit. I don't drink at all. If some people bring us alcohol all the time, we don't mind because then you just save it and you give it to friends.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I don't know. That makes sense. Yeah, I'm. Well, me, I drink a lot, so I'm always down for some alcohol. But yeah, as long as you just don't show up empty handed, I'm pretty cool.

[Turner Sparks]

You're good.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I'm pretty cool with that.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, that's all the questions, Joe. Now we got to get to white lies and dark truths.

[Joe Russell]

Yes, White lies and black truths.

[Turner Sparks]

Dark. I believe they're called dark truths, are they not?

[Phil Duckett]

They are dark. White lies and black truths.

[Turner Sparks]

So here's the. I don't know if we've explained this before. I think we've done it once or twice, but the idea being that, that we're going to shoot from the hip on this show and we don't have time to just stop. In fact, just check ourselves in the middle. So at the end of every episode now, Joe Russell, our fantastic producer, is going to be giving us. Tell us what we, what, what we told, what we said was a lie.

[Joe Russell]

When we realized this, it was pretty, pretty good. But you did say something about little people having like a. Maybe if they have like a shorter life expectancy. I looked that up and they live a perfectly normal life just like us. Except they might have a few health issues. Such as, you know, you know, it's hard to walk and stuff like that. Like skeletal. Yeah, like bowed legs and stuff.

[Turner Sparks]

Especially after Phil gets done with them.

[Phil Duckett]

Everybody walks a little funny after they get off a horse. But. But no, you're right. Yeah, the legs are pretty crazy. But I didn't have one with the, with the parentheses.

[Turner Sparks]

I didn't have one. Just a phrasing of that sentence.

[Phil Duckett]

Parenthesis. Legs. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, my gosh, the pimdas.

[Turner Sparks]

I think that's it. We'll see you next episode.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, man.

[Turner Sparks]

You've got a question but you're scared to ask Just drop the boys a message Cause they're up to the task they're all in the dice they ain't.

[Phil Duckett]

Always nice but you can't think twice.

[Turner Sparks]

And get it Black and white and white Black and white and white.

[Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield]

We all need a moment to really breathe. So here's your chance to take a deep breath in. Now give a nice long exhale and repeat another 10 or so times. This healthy suggestion is brought to you by Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oregon. Together we Health.

[GEICO]

How do you feel when you switch to GEICO and save on your car insurance? It's like going to work on one Thursday morning and thinking to your yourself just one more day until Friday. But then somebody in the elevator says, happy Fri. Yay. Then you check your phone quickly and discover today is actually Friday. So yes. Happy Friday, random stranger in the elevator. Happy Friday indeed. Yep, switching and saving with GEICO feels just like that. Get more with Geico.