← Black Entrepreneur Experience
Black Entrepreneur Experience
BEE 521 Your Kids Are Not Okay – A Wake-Up Call with Dr. Umeh
00:49:36
We’re taking it back to one of the most powerful episodes we’ve ever recorded — a conversation that left many of our listeners speechless, and others inspired to take immediate action in their homes and communities. 🎧 In this rewind episode,...
Loading summary
Transcript50 lines
- [00:05]
A
Welcome to the Black Entrepreneur Experience podcast. Inside the business buzz and brilliance of black entrepreneurs. Here is your host, Dr. Frances Arlene. What happens in Vegas goes all over the world on Black Entrepreneur experience, episode number 521. Thank you for joining us as we elevate the Black Entrepreneur experience by interview CEOs, thought leaders, innovative thinkers and black entrepreneurs across the globe. I'm your host, Dr. Frances Richards. Did you know every day in Our Nation over 3041 young people grades 9 to 12 attempt suicide. Did you know that more teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, aids, birth defects, strokes, pneumonia, emphysema and chronic lung disease combined? Our next guest is on a mission to end teen depression and teen suicide. Dr. Ochunia Umi. She's also known as Dr. Lulu. She is a board certified pediatrician, a teen expert, a mother and founder of CEO of Teen Alive, an online teen wellness resource dedicated to creating awareness for and fighting teen depression and teen suicide. Welcome, Dr. Lulu.
- [01:32]
B
Thank you, Dr. Francis. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited. Good afternoon. Or is it still morning over there? It's afternoon now.
- [01:41]
A
Well, you know what we say, no matter what we say, good morning or good afternoon, it's somewhere in the world. We have like listeners all over, so it is apropos.
- [01:53]
B
Yes, ma'.
- [01:53]
A
Am. I have given our audience a really brief bio about you. Why don't you fill in the gaps and share with them what you would like them to know about you and your business. Business.
- [02:05]
B
So how do you squeeze in 30 years into five minutes? Let's see. I guess one year at a time, right? I was born in Nigeria, raised in Nigeria, went to all my schools in Nigeria, including medical school in Nigeria, and graduated early 90s, did what we call youth service and internship in Nigeria. And then I just wanted to go to Howard. I would not hear anybody say anything else except Howard University. Howard University. I took all my exams and I passed and I got to Howard. It wasn't as easy as that, but anyway, I did get to Howard, which was awesome. That was my life's dream at that moment. So I did my pediatric residency at Howard University Hospital, Washington D.C. hu. And soon after that I got married and then I moved to South Carolina from the D.C. area and started my practice, my own private practice. And I did the private practice thing for about 13 and a half years and then I had a downturn actually. You know, I was thinking about, I know this is a little off the topic, but I was thinking about this this morning. I was. I'm so glad you're interviewing me because I'm probably one of those entrepreneurs who. This is my second go around. I've done this before. I failed in my mind I failed before even though to most people I didn't fail. But you know, you're always your own self worth critic. So I feel like I failed before, but now I'm feeling up, I guess is the way I could put it. By the 13th year of running my practice, I just realized that the numbers were not adding up. I felt like I was working harder and I just, the money wasn't coming in. And so I started looking at, you know, what is the problem? Because I know I was getting the numbers, the numbers were coming in, but the right output on the paycheck and on the books was not there. And so we started investigating and we found out that my then office manager, who also happens to be my ex husband, was probably not putting his full weight on that end. Let me just put it that way. And we can go into deeper detail if you want to. But just for sick of, I guess to get started so soon after that I started looking at what else to do. I love what I do. I love being a pediatrician, but I just wasn't feeling it anywhere anymore. Owning my own practice and just not getting the financial fulfillment that I wanted, that I thought I would be getting at that point. One thing led to the other. I got divorced and then the kids were like, mom, you know your dad was in the Air Force, right? I was like, yeah, so why don't you try the Air Force? We're having a usual roundtable discussion of okay, what do I do, where do I go? I don't want to, I don't really want to work for somebody else. I don't really want to do that because I've never really worked for anyone. Came out of residency, I went straight into opening my own practice. One of my sons were like, well, you know, technically you'll be working for the Air Force. You won't be working for someone. And so he put it that way. I was like, you know what, why don't you check the Air Force? And I had another one check the Navy, and then I checked the army. And then we came back after about five minutes. And it turned out that the Air Force was the only one that was still hiring 42 year old doctors at that time because they have an age limits. I think the Army, I think the army would take you at any age. But somehow I didn't want to Go into the army, but the Navy was like 35. And anyway, either way, I signed up. I just found myself calling the recruiter and next thing I know, I signed up for the Air Force. And so I moved the boys to San Antonio, Texas. Did my four years. Loved it, loved it, loved it. But then I realized that I didn't want to move. And if you're going to be in the Air Force, you have to move. And if you're younger in the business, if you're 19, 23, it's not too bad to move. Or if you have a couple of younger children, it's not too bad. When you have kids about to go into college, you have kids in high school, the energy is completely different. So they were not trying to hear that at all. We had already moved once, four years before that. They were like, mom, no, no, not really. But you know, when I go to college, you can move with my brothers or whatever. Sounds like, okay, maybe this is not for me. I exchanged my boots for my high heels again. And I got a regular, just nine to five job in the community as a community pediatrician with the large multi group practice, multi specialty practice here in San Antonio. Loved it, loved it, loved it. But I literally quit my job about six weeks, maybe six weeks ago, so almost two months ago, because I started noticing a pattern. My very first patient that committed suicide did that while I was in private practice in 2008. And while I was in the Air Force, I noticed a lot of children coming in with depressive illness and anxiety, mental illness, cutting suicidal thoughts. I had a couple, I had one girl jumped out of, I think an eight story building, Just different things. And. But I hadn't had any more suicides, just the one. And then so I just thought to myself, it's the military, it's stressful, their parents are deploying. It's hard. But when I got into civilian life, I thought the numbers would go down. If anything at all the numbers went up. I went to the point of having at least two to three suicidal or two to three depressed or two to three anxious patients on a daily, literally daily basis. One time my nurse and I counted, we had 10 patients that one week, we had 15 patients one week, had just anywhere between eight and 15 or 16 patients every week with depression and other illnesses like that. So I started thinking, maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. Maybe I'm supposed to listen to these kids that keep coming to me because actually one of my patients, mom was the one that put it eloquently she said, maybe you have a healing spirit. She said, and the patients know that, and so they come to you. And so I said to myself, you know, self, whatever the reason is, I need to listen to this call. I need to do something about it. And so I decided there and then that it was probably time to maybe change my location of medicine practice from one little space where I can see 20, 30 people a day to a bigger space where I can talk to 2000 of them a day or whatever number of kids in the school assembly. And so that's kind of how I got to this point where I had approached my superiors at work. At interest of transparency, I asked them if it was okay for me to get one day in a week where I could at least do this, my ministry and go to the schools and talk to the kids. And they took two weeks and came back and said, no, they really want me full time. They want me there every single day. And I had to make the tough decision to say goodbye to a place that I loved. But I just felt it was time to go. And then as soon as I made the decision, I felt relieved and I felt better that I was going to change the world still, but just in a different way. So it's been a great, great journey and just a new way of doing things and I'm enjoying it.
- [08:39]
A
So, Dr. Lulu, tell our audience exactly what do you do in terms of how do you impact? We know that you're a speaker and if the audience, they don't know that. So you're a speaker and what else do you do? How do you reach your clients and how do they know to connect with you?
- [08:59]
B
I have a website that I literally just launched about five weeks ago called teenalive.com that is one way I've reached clients. However, I realized that most my clients base are in school. They're in elementary school, they're in kindergarten, they're in middle school, they're definitely in high school and college. And so I've done just what anybody else would do. Pick up the phone and just cold calling one at a time. I send out a bunch of emails and ironically, you know, you think this is just a random email. Even this morning, just before this phone call, I got another email from another school saying, wow, we sure we need your services. When can you come and talk to the kids? How are we going to do it? I've been doing this on a smaller scale, honestly. My three sons all went to public schools and every single year for every single child, when they have their Career day. I'm usually the one career person who is not talking about their job. I say to them in like two seconds, I'm a doctor. This is what I do for a living. However, my biggest and best cap is mom. But I'm here to talk to you guys. More than that, I want to talk about bullying. So in a way, I've been talking about bullying for years. Bullying and ostracization. And just those two things have been my main focus every time I go and talk to kids about their career day. So this has is kind of like I'm building up. I'm kind of 10x in it now. I'm still talking about bullying because that's the fundamental problem in most of the depressed children that we've found. And most of the kids have committed suicide, have been bullying related. But also now I'm able to talk to college students. And in two weeks, actually next weekend, not this weekend, but next weekend, I'll be in Charlotte, North Carolina talking to undergraduates, graduates and faculty at the Black Doctoral Network, which will be my first national stage as a keynote speaker. Talking about depression in our community. As a result of the fact that most people don't wanna talk about that. It's just nobody wants to broach that topic. So in a nutshell, I do talk to really anyone that I find my patients. Even now as I practice medicine, I mostly do telemedicine via Teladoc. Most of the patients that I talk to on the phone, I can usually sense when there's something else going on. Nine times out of 10, when I kind of finish taking care of their cough or their col and I approach the topic of anxiety or depression in the child, the parents are like, yes, yes, how did you know? And then I just gently send them to my website or tell them what I'm about or just kind of counsel them for two minutes or something and just try to plant the seeds of diligence, which is what it's going to take. Everybody has to just be like really paying attention to their kids and making sure that we are following their every move. Because a lot of times people don't know. It's like, oh, we don't know, we had no idea. So I mostly call people, I call the schools. It's the big thing that I do. I talk to the church, churches also. I have a bunch of my patients, parents who are in churches and I talk to the churches and pretty much anywhere that I go, I'm just start a conversation about that. And the more I do it the easier it's gotten. You know, it's not something people want to talk about. But then when you start, when I talk about it very comfortably, then they also kind of relax and start saying, you know, I know one of my kids classmates, you know, took his life. And then we start talking about it that way. And then so it's really one person.
- [12:10]
A
At a time for our audience. Tell them what telemedicine is and it might be a service that others can take advantage of with their insurance. So why don't you give us some insight on that?
- [12:27]
B
So it looks like for most people who are just coming on board who don't know the word telemedicine, it would look like it's something new and something innovative. But you know, technology has been just kind of morphing, improving and getting better. So telemedicine in a short phrase is talking to you. It's like talking to your mom on the telephone, except it's not. Your mother is a doctor, or better still, face timing your best friend, but it's just not your best friend, it's your doctor. So essentially what we do is we are board certified pediatricians or care providers. They usually are not using at least Teladoc, which is a national telemedicine company that I work with. They only hire board certified doctors and we do a brief triage. Like I'll just give an example. I had a mom who sent me uploaded a picture of head lice that she found that she had combed out of her child's hair. And I had a giggle because I was like, this is truly the future. She was able to take the picture of the head lice, take the picture of the hair with the nits, send it on through the platform. I look at it in two seconds I call in the medication. She doesn't have to leave work, she doesn't have to pick up her child from school until she's done, you know, with work. She goes by the pharmacy on her way home, picks up the medicine and it's done. Now in the past it would be, she has to leave work, she has to go get her kid from school, she has to make an appointment with the doctor, she has to go in if there's an opening and then be seen. But now I took care of that like in five minutes. Essentially telemedicine is to me the future is where we're going. The robots are going to take over if we're not careful. But I love doing it. It's convenient for me. It's extremely convenient for the parents. I had a dad call me while I'm vacation a couple of weeks ago because his daughter had been bitten by fire ants on her hands. And he took a picture of the hands and I right away recognized that it was fire ants called in the medication for the father. He went by the pharmacy while still on vacation and the vacation was still on. He was so, so grateful. And I was like, I'm just doing what I'm supposed to be doing. So it's a convenience factor that we're selling. And so since I've done it for about three weeks now, I'm totally in love with it. And I'm actually in talks with a couple of other to try to start my own telemedicine practice because again, of the convenience, it gives me the opportunity to work from home and also be able to go to the schools or be able to go to the places that I need to go to, minister to the people that I need to minister to, travel if I have to travel and still not miss a beat when my patients need me. So it doesn't get any better than that, in my opinion.
- [15:05]
A
And thanks for sharing that, Dr. Lulu. So if someone's listening and they're saying, wow, that's a really neat concept, how do you find out if you have a telemedicine physician? Is it through your insurance or how would someone find out if that service is available for them?
- [15:24]
B
I think the short answer is Mr. Google. Just Google it. But for the longer answer, I know most of the companies, the large companies now in the US of A, including the school system in San Antonio, Texas, for example, all have telemedicine as an adjunct. So they offer you that. The big companies, the UnitedHealthCares, the Blue Cross Blue Shield, even Medicaid has signed on with telemedicine. Medicare has signed on with telemedicine. So it's just as simple as asking your company, whoever is in your HR department, you know what's going on. For those of those people who have big companies who offer health insurance, if you don't have health insurance, it's a matter of just googling Telemedicine providers near me, there's a bunch of them around that offer what we call dpc, direct patient care, whereby you pay X amount of doll maybe once a month, depending on the setup that the practice has. Or in my own case, when I start my own private telemedicine practice is going to be subscription models. So you pay me X amount of dollars every month and you have unlimited access to Me, However, I'm quick to tell them that I will not replace your primary care doctor because there'll be some things that I cannot diagnose. Like for instance, I can't listen to your heart. For instance, I can't listen to your chest. So I rely heavily on the parents and their history. Or in a case where we do a video call, then I can at least eyeball the child. And then I've had some parents get creative, they take a photograph and then they just kind of send it to me. I had a mom who I don't know how she magically got her four year old to open his mouth really wide and she took a beautiful picture of his throat and his tonsils and I was able to see what was going on in there. People are really responding very well to it. I absolutely love it. For me personally, I was able to stay home once I got off. Once I stopped working full time at my other job, I was able to stay home and still be able to connect with patients. However, my son had come to visit from Stanford and he was only here for two weeks. First time he's been home this year. And I was able to stay home with him and get to know my child again. I got to meet the man that he had become. He left this house as a boy almost three years ago and came back as a man. I just, I cannot thank God enough for that opportunity. I was not on vacation, it wasn't a day off. It was literally, I have nowhere else to go, just me and my child. So for that reason alone, I love doing it and I'm just available to help guide anyone, answer the questions that I can. I'm still relatively new at it, but I love it so far. I think the patients should totally embrace it and for the things that we can take care of, we will take care of them.
- [18:08]
A
Dr. Lulu, tell us what is one valuable lesson you wish you knew before starting your business? We know this is your second go round and you've mentioned teen a lot of is your second business that you were working, that you've started. What is a valuable lesson you wish you knew before starting your business?
- [18:29]
B
I think the heavy reliance being that I opened a brick and mortar practice in the 90s, 2000s. I digress. I think it was the late 90s, 1999, so it was basically 2000. There wasn't that much reliance on just the Internet for everything. And so I've been very lazy. I went to med school in the 80s and 90s. I just, I just took my Time trying to learn how to type, for instance, something as simple as that, Knowing how to navigate the various platforms, knowing what SEO optimization is, just knowing how to get create content on the web. I mean just these are words that I've like what, what is that? Those are new phrases to me. So I guess if I, if I would do it over again, I would want to know as much as I can about the Internet and the fact that pretty much all kinds of businesses, even if they don't stop there, they are eventually going to rely heavily online resources and online, this is an online thats. So I would say learn the online world. Learn it, learn it, learn it. But I'm probably preaching to the choir. I'm probably one of the few outliers who just didn't know enough about the online life and the online world and the fact that it's out there and it's not going anywhere. So online would be my number one thing.
- [19:44]
A
What was that aha moment that you knew teenalive.com was going to be successful?
- [19:52]
B
I think I've had probably it wasn't one single aha moment. It's been a series of little ones. I've had people just reach out to me, a lot of them on Facebook and some of them on the website and just saying thank you, thank you, thank you for the website. The fact that my child was this and my child was that. And I think one of the best calls I've ever gotten was from another provider, another doctor who reached out to me through Facebook messenger and said her son was not doing well. And I could just from one moment to another of two black sons. I was like, okay, I know exactly where she is. And I did my very best and reached out to him. He's a young adult, he's in his mid to late 20s and I was able to connect with him. I told him a few things that I tell the teenagers to do. I have an affirmation that I usually have them kind of recite every day. And after about a week or two of checking on him on a daily basis, he started telling me he was feeling better. The first time I spoke to him, he said, I think the words he said to me were I've been better. And I could hear his voice just like had nothing to offer. But then over the weeks and the days it's been like just sounding better and every day he's doing better and better. So I think, you know, every time you have one story like that, it's like, okay, it's worth all the others that you haven't had. But yet that one mom who is also a doctor who reached out to me and said, my son needs help. And I was able to reach out to him and at least it's one day at a time, but succeed with him. So far, I think that was, that was one of the moments like, okay, I'm going to keep doing this. I'm going to keep doing this. And then now people are beginning to know that I'm out there. And so people send me video clips or they send me like, I don't know, publications and they send me this information, oh, did you know about this? Did you hear about this? And so I'm thinking that people are beginning to warm up to the idea that there's this person out there who wants to do this, this thing. I had a phone call from the Texas Medical association yesterday. The gentleman was doing an interview, he was trying to interview veterans and he called me and wanted to interview me and said, I heard that you're doing something very unusual. You know, you're not quitting medicine, but you're essentially speaking about a very difficult topic. And I was like, yes, somebody has to do it. And he was very happy to be able to interview me and just to get to know what's going on in my brain and what's making me do this. When you get affirmations like that from the outside world, that makes you kind of keep going. I think it's multiple little, little aha moments and I'm cherishing each one and just kind of taking them one day at a time. Time.
- [22:26]
A
Something you said, Dr. Lulu, that is very profound. The subject matter that you're dealing with as a subject matter expert with suicide prevention and we definitely will put in the show notes your information, but also about the suicide hotline. That is a huge topic. It's really resonating and not as a good thing. On one hand it's more aware, but on the other hand, there's a lot of people in high profile positions that are taking that have gone down the road of committing suicide. The question to you is, how do you keep your happy when you're dealing with such a difficult subject?
- [23:12]
B
I don't skip my happy because I'm human. The only reason I quit my job is because I had an 8 year old try to commit suicide not once but twice. I'm not happy happy. It's not a happy topic. But I'm happy because if I can stop one child, just one teen from cutting or from going down that road, Then it's success. You know, it's almost like when Ms. Tarana Burke inadvertently said the two words in 1997. She said, Me too, to a teenager who was hurting because she had been molested. She didn't know what else to say. She said, me too. And now, 20 years later, it's like a huge global movement. But instead of her just believing and just saying to herself, no more silence. I'm going to speak about it. It, I'm going to talk about it, and so be it. And so she said something, she started talking about it and now everyone is talking about it. I would like that. It doesn't make sexual molestation a good thing still, but at least it's throwing light to it. People are becoming more aware of it. And maybe you think twice again before you make that joke or before you say that thing that might hurt somebody else's feelings. And that's what I want to do. I want to still. I want people to still know that depression hurts. And depression usually can lead to suicide, which is permanent, and it hurts even more. But I believe if we start talking about it, we'll take the sting from it, we'll take that shame from it. We take that negative energy, that stigma from it. And the reason I say that is because the national foundation for Suicide Prevention, I think that's the name, they have this cute video called Talk Saves Lives. And I focus on the word talking about it. If I'm down, I'm not going to be down all the time. But if I'm not getting someone telling me positive things, I might end up finding my way out. And like you mentioned, with high profile Hollywood people who have committed suicide just to bring it home, the fact that it's not earthly things that keep you happy, it's not your money, it's not the stuff that you have. Happiness is relative. I think maybe contentment is a better word for it. But maybe those people were lacking in the basic human relationships. Maybe that's what was missing. I don't know Kittsby from Adam, but I know we all wish we were her because, oh, she was rich. But then it tells you that richness probably is not enough. I talk about the need to talk about depression. That's actually the premise of my talking, is mainly empowering people to talk about it. It's okay. And you know one thing, Dr. Richards, you know that most people who have chronic diseases like diabetes or lupus or fibromyalgia or, you know, I don't know, asthma, sickle cell, all of Those diseases eventually will, one way or the other, lead you down that road of depression. Why might diabetes be more important than your depression? Depression? Why will I be able to say hypertension and you can say your depression, and maybe we could take the word mental out of there and just call it illness. It's an illness regardless of the first name. The last name is illness. So mental illness, mental, be gone. Depression is an illness, and let's start looking at it like that. And if eventually you're going to find your way to depression by way of your. I mean, your diabetes was so bad, you had to get one foot amputated, and you lost vision in one eye from glaucoma, and then you become depressed. Well, maybe we should start talking about depression before. Long before that. And the funny thing about it, especially in the American community, and I hate to go here, but I'm going to go here, we do not want to accept that depression is real, and we definitely don't want to talk about the fact that Cousin Pookie committed suicide. Oh, no, we're not going to talk about it, but we need to start talking about it. When I was doing my research, I found out that most of the studies out there are white male, white male, white male, white female, white male, white male, white female. I had to go and search black people who commit suicide. I'm like, oh, my God. There's a huge page full of beautiful brown faces who've committed suicide over the years, but nobody talks about it. I had no idea that Don Cornelius committed suicide. I had no idea.
- [27:13]
A
Wow, that's really some information. I didn't even know that.
- [27:17]
B
Oh, honey, I had no idea. Do you know, And I don't know if this matters or not, but do you know? I believe it's Lee Thompson Young. Maybe when we're done with this, you can Google him. As soon as you see his face, you will be like, what? I couldn't believe it. But no one is talking about our own experience. You're a black female, Dr. Richards. You know what we say? Oh, you're a black woman. You're strong. You can show no fear. You should have no pain. You have your family and the good book and your church and spirituality, and so you should not be in pain. Who said that we're human. Do you know that Karen Washington committed suicide? Karen Washington is the young girl who started the For Brown Girls movement. She started that movement to empower brown girls to wear red lipstick. I knew about her. I heard about her. I did not know that she lost the Battle of depression to suicide. There's Jodsheela Abdusalam. She had the highest position any person could hold in the state of New York, the Court of Appeals. She was the court, a member of the Court of Appeals. She was found face down in the Hudson River. They say it was suicide. These are black women and many, many more. There's Titi, the hair product thing. I mean, just a bunch of people. I didn't even realize Oprah had so much depression that she had also been suicidal. But luckily for us, Oprah talks about it. There's so many of us. Michelle Williams of the Destiny's Child has struggled with depression. Halle Berry has struggled with depression. A lot of us have struggled with depression, but we don't talk about it. Desmond Sherrell, a student from I think it was Vanderbilt. I'm not sure who was raped, who actually cried out and no one listened. And she was found hanging in her dorm room. Room. It's real in our community.
- [29:04]
A
And why do you think it's taboo in our community?
- [29:07]
B
I think it's multi pronged. It may or may not be from our ancestors days, fairness to us, our slave ancestors, our enslaved ancestors. I don't think they were even allowed to. I mean, you get tied to a tree and whipped for hours. You're not even allowed to show pain. Your wife and your daughters taken by your master and raped multiple times. And you're not supposed to cry out, you're not supposed to come complain because you're enslaved. And so we still sometimes maybe possibly have that mentality that we shouldn't cry. Do you know that there was a news article, news clip that was done that children aged 5 to 12 in the black community are now twice as likely to commit suicide than their white counterparts. In that same study that was published by the New York Times, it shows that in the black community, when children present with agitation and restlessness and acting out some of the signs of depression, it is named bad behavior. In the white community, it is named depression. The same, exact same symptom. And so it's mentioned in that news clip that it's difficult to be a black child in America. It is mentioned in that clip. I can't answer the question fully. I don't know why, but I wish we didn't have that taboo. I wish we didn't because I watched another news clip where the gentleman said my cousin, they said my cousin committed suicide but nobody saw him do it. So we're not sure if that's what happened happened. He said that I don't know, and.
- [30:39]
A
You talked about, Dr. Lulu, that we need to talk about depression. We need to talk about mental illness as an illness. And when you say talk to someone, are you talking about talk to a professional or with your expert advice, just merely talking. So if someone comes to me and they're saying I'm depressed, what do we do with that information? So are you suggesting that. And I know that we should listen. And that's one of the things that's happening in our community. You and I had a very long discussion about the breakdown of communication, the breakdown of the family. We don't want this to be gloom or doom, but we do want to leave our audience with awareness and strategies and tips for any. Anyone that's listening that feel like they need to get help, we want to give them some answers.
- [31:38]
B
Thank you so much for that line of questioning. Indeed, when I say the word talk, I actually came up with a breakdown of what talk means to me. So t is also for talking. And yes, you're right. You talk to yourself. It's okay to tell yourself that it's okay to not be okay sometimes. So you start with self talk, talk and then you talk to anyone, literally anyone. You're right. Your neighbor, if you live alone, your co worker. However, as you're talking to that person, there's also things that that person should never say back to you, like, oh, it's nothing. Oh, don't worry about it, you're gonna be fine. So in as much as I ask you to talk to someone you who has been talked to, you're right. The first thing you do is listen. The second thing is you have to have everything. Empathy. Empathy is emotions that you feel without necessarily going through the action itself. I don't know if that's the way to define it, but you have to say to him, oh, I'm so sorry you feel that way. And you want to ask him directly, are you thinking about hurting yourself? You'd be very surprised. The power that those words have come out and ask your child, are you thinking about hurting yourself? Are you thinking about killing yourself? Do you have a plan? That's one. And number two, you take them to a healthcare provider. Well, you know what? I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry you're going through this. But let's. You don't say, well, you need to go. You say, no, let's go. And you go together. You may be the only person that that individual is going to talk to. And then they'll be like, well, you know what? I tried. I talked to so and so and they didn't even say anything. So, you know, and so it's a very powerful place that you're in. If someone comes in and says, I'm depressed and I'm thinking about hurting myself, you need to stop everything that you're doing and assume that you're the only person in the world that that person is coming to. It takes a lot already for them to voice those thoughts out. A lot of people just wr it. They don't tell anyone. So if someone walks up to me and says, I'm depressed, I'm thinking that I am stopping everything that I'm doing. And we're going to talk about it and together we're going to go see someone who can give you adequate help. Because I'm not a. I mean, in your own position, you're not a counselor, you're not a psychologist. You don't know how to counsel someone about depression. But at least you. What you don't want to say is, oh, it's nothing. Oh, you're not really going to kill yourself. Oh, come on, you're lazy. You don't want to say those words because you might be the only person that that particular individual has come to. And so when I came up with what the letters of talk means to me, the T is talk to someone. T is also tell someone who is feeling down that it's okay, I'm here for you. Thank you for telling me this. I appreciate you coming to me. Can we. Will you allow me take you to go get some help? Is it okay if I call your mom? Is it okay if I call, I don't know, your doctor or something like that? Because that person might just maybe cry for the last attempt to cry for help before they do the unthinkable. And then a for allow yourself to go down that path sometimes just come back though. Don't stay there. Allow yourself to feel down sometimes. No one human being with a bleeding, with a red. My mother say red blood when you cut them. No one human being with a beating heart is happy all the time. It's okay to feel down and out. Sometimes you're down and you're luck Sometimes stuff happens. When I had to file bankruptcy, my own personally, it was a very hard time for me. I was suicidal. I just thought I had failed. I thought I had failed myself, I had failed everyone. It was a very, very difficult time for me. I was very, very, very unhappy. And I just couldn't see beyond that. I was stuck in that rut. But I spoke up. I spoke to my wife. I told her, I said, I can't do it anymore. I don't think. I think I'm going to kill myself. That's what I said to her. And she was like, what? Not on my watch. And then A also means alleviate pain. Alleviate pain and suffering. Anywhere you see it. Alleviate pain and suffering in others. Be that person that, that person will say, oh, thank you so much. Without you, I'd be dead by now. And then. L means love for you can't love another if you don't love yourself. So love yourself enough to be able to love someone else. L also means live. Live your life to the fullest. That's easier said than done. But living your life to the fullest doesn't mean you have to go on vacation in Costa Rica. It may just mean, you know what, I'm calling today off and I'm taking a mental health day and I'm driving to the pond and I'm gonn. It could be something as simple as that. I'm just going to go for a very long walk with my dog and we're just going to, you know, from there we're going to go get some ice cream and just live a little. And then K is for kindness. The ultimate, I think, best quality that any human being can have is kindness. Kindness to oneself, kindness to others, kindness to Mother Earth, kindness to Mother Nature, just kindness, period. And then the other key is for knowledge, because knowledge is power and if you know more, then you would do more. And so you educate yourself about that depression. You know? Know what? Let me find out more about it. If you were going to go on vacation to Costa Rica, for instance, you would want to know everything about Costa Rica. So if your partner has depression, you're going to know everything about depression. You don't want to say, oh no, it's not me, I don't know, I don't know. No, you want to educate yourself because that knowledge will now propel you to the next level. And then you now would dare to be kind, loving, and alleviating the pain and suffering appropriately and then doing all of those things and telling them that it's okay, but you have to know what to say and what not to say. So that's how I came up with that. I kept thinking, what can I get out of this? Toxic like toxic like talk, talk, talk. And so I started kind of coming up with those words that I know people will identify with those. So sometimes like the last Time I went to my kids middle school, I just wrote the word talk on the board. And that's all I did. I just talked about those eight qualities that I described. Now for like an hour, I wanted the kids to just start telling me what they know about talk. What is talking, you know, and it will help, help a lot. Of course, there's no point talking if no one is listening. So you're right. You gotta listen. But in as much as you're listening, you also want to listen actively. You know what it's about, active listening. You may want to repeat what they say. So I can hear you very well. So did I hear well? By you meant this, that, that, and the other, and the person like, okay, yeah, then I know you're listening. You know, So I don't know. I'm gonna give you my best shot. I've gotten some very, very good responses from the community, from the individuals, like people like you. Just giving me an opportunity to give me a platform to talk about talking.
- [38:02]
A
That is amazing. I cannot believe, Dr. Lulu, that our time is up.
- [38:09]
B
Oh, wow.
- [38:11]
A
Drop some major value bombs. But we gotta go to a lighter note. We cannot leave our audience feeling like, oh, my. That was really, really some great information. And we're gonna have you let our audience know how they can connect with you. And again, in these. We want to reach out to anyone. Please do. If you are feeling depressed or you're feeling like you want to give up, talk, talk to someone. Find someone that you can really confide in. Dr. Lulu is available. Or anyone in your sphere of influence. But you've got to talk. Don't give up. Don't quit. But you got to talk.
- [38:53]
B
It's ma'. Am. That's true. And as far as other resources, 1-800-suicide. Everyone knows that number. Everyone knows that number. I discovered you might like this and you might even want to contact these people. I discovered the. The not okay app. Have you heard about it, Dr. Richards?
- [39:09]
A
I have not.
- [39:09]
B
So the not okay app was actually developed by two African American siblings. The brother was 12, I think, and the sister was 15. So the boy was kind of techy. They live in Georgia. They're out of Atlanta, Georgia. The brother was kind of like a techie kid, and his sister had gone through depression and other things, and he just wanted to help. So they together, they created this app called the not okay app. If you look at it, if you go to itunes or wherever you get your app store, you will be able to download it. It's a free app to download and what it does is it's so neat. You put in five people. Like you said, five people that you can trust. Five people that are maybe family, friends, whatever. Five people. People that you know, they're go to people. And if you're ever, ever at that point where you feel like I'm not okay, you just type in I'm not okay into the app. And what that app does is it sends the text to the five people. That's one. And number two, it gives them your GPS location.
- [40:06]
A
Brilliant.
- [40:06]
B
I get goosebumps every time I think about that amazing feat that these two beautiful brown baby ladies, we have them on the show. You have to. You have to.
- [40:18]
A
Oh, my goodness.
- [40:20]
B
I am so proud of that app. And I didn't tell you this, but I'm studying a podcast called Teen Alive, and it's Team Wellness talks with Dr. Lulu in December. We go live in December. I'm gonna have those kiddos on my show because I'm just blown away by that. It sends you their freaking GPS location. You hear me? I love it.
- [40:40]
A
That's brilliant. That is brilliant. Thank you for sharing that information. I didn't know that. And I'm sure our audience. That is a huge value bomb. Congratulations on your podcast. Thanks for actually letting our audience know in advance that you're launching. And so that's brilliant.
- [41:01]
B
Yes, ma'. Am. And then just to wrap up, there's 273 talk, which is 1, 800, I think it's 100. Excuse me, 1-866-273 talk. And then there's 1. You know, it might be 1, 800, forgive me, but it's 273 talk. And then there's 1-866-4-U, Trevor. So the letter 4, the number you and Trevor, that's for the LGBT community, which we didn't even touch on that at all. But that is the fastest growing community committing suicide in today's world. The LGBTQ community. And then there's one that don't cut for the cutters amongst us. So, I mean, there's just lots of, lots of resources out there. And of course, my website is teenalive.com I'm a parents coach, I'm a teen coach. I do group coaching. I do individual coaching. So that's. You can find that on my website. And I think my baby, my personal blog, is my baby. And most people are like, well, it has all these other things. I said yes, because it's me. I'm more than just and multi level and think Maya Angelou. Put it best, I'm a woman, phenomenally. So there's no one aspect of me. There's a teen alive aspect of me, but there's also the ride share aspect of me. I bet you didn't know that I'm an Uber driver and a Lyft driver. And it's funny, you know, when I started doing that, I think at the beginning of the year, it was because my mid, my oldest son who is at Stanford, I was looking at his bank account. I'm like, son, you spend so much money on Uber and Lyft, man, when you get home in this, this fall, this summer, you're going to have to sign up for Uber. And he was like, yes, ma'. Am. And then he said, but. So he said, okay, sure. And then I started looking at requirements and I found out that you have to be 21 and older to do that. So when I communicated that with him, he said, but mom, you are 21 and older. You can do it. I'm like, what? He said, yes, you love people. You love to meet people. This is right up your alley. And do you know, I get the best time when I'm ride sharing. I only do two hours, maybe two hours a month. Mostly when I'm stressed out from school, work, I just go to distress. But I have met the most beautiful souls. I had to pull over one day to minister to a lady whose daughter was going through the sex change thing. She was going with the identity crisis thing and she could not believe that her Uber driver was a pediatrician. And she just gave me a hug when she was done. And then, you won't believe this, but the blog that I posted yesterday, the newest one is called Four Airmen, Diego and Mabel. Mabel, which of course is not her real name. When I picked her up and I started talking to her, she's, I think she's 16 or something. She has had not one or two, but three attempts at suicide. I could not believe what the good Lord was doing for me while I was Uber driving two days ago. And the funny thing about it is that morning while I was working on my book, I just screamed and gave up and just kind of threw my hands in the air. I said, mom, I need a suicidal teen in my life. She was like, what do you mean? I said, I need to get into the head of a suicidal teen. I said that Saturday morning and my mom said, well, I don't know where you're going to find a suicidal teen. And that evening she walked into my life and got into my car And I can't believe the way things are working. So my blog is called Words by black box butterfly.com because I feel like I am the ultimate black butterfly. I have so much adhd I don't stay in one place at any point in time. So that's my baby. That's my favorite. I think my I love to write, I love to read, I love to talk, as you can tell. But Words by Black Butterfly, please go check it out. Subscribe I'd love to see you guys, you know, make a comment. I have a lot of things that I've already posted on there. There's physician tales, there's teenagers and depression. There's. There's T from the rideshare seats. There's poetry, there's prose. There's all kinds of things on there. Some of them I've not uploaded yet, but I have them stored over the years I've been writing. So I'm really excited about that. And you know what? This is another reason I'm glad. You know, people tell you don't ever quit your job without getting a new one to replace it. But I think quitting my job has helped me just identify those other aspects of me that may or may not be teen alive. But still it's me. Like my creative side, my books. I have two books that I'm working on at the same time. The first one is called before before you Cut. And it's really stories about teens and depression and suicide. Of course it's called before youe Cut that's coming out this fall. And then I have one that's called Don't Just Stand There, do something. It's for the elementary school kids and that's about bullying because the statistics say that 70% of us are bystanders while 15% of us are bullies and the other 15% are bullying lead 70% of us in the middle and just watching it take place. So it's called don't just stand There, do something. It's for the children. And so I have my creative brain just going crazy as you can tell. I'm so excited about just all the prospects. I'm excited about the future.
- [45:51]
A
That is so exciting. Thank you for that. And what we're going to do, Dr. Lulu, is move into our fun facts lightning round and I going to ask you a couple of questions and if you desire to answers, feel free to answer them quickly and otherwise if you don't, just say pat. So the last movie you saw Night school. Night school and you relax doing what.
- [46:16]
B
I well, when my ADHD would let me, I garden. I have a back a garden in my backyard that I grow cucumbers and okra and corn, cilantro and all of kinds of things.
- [46:26]
A
And your favorite singer or rapper, Sade.
- [46:29]
B
Or John Legend, that's kind of like the two of them are neck to neck with that shade.
- [46:35]
A
Adu and John Legend, your favorite dance song.
- [46:38]
B
I was a child of the 80s, so I have too many to count. I couldn't tell you one if I wanted to. I just everything, anything from the 80s or 90s is fine.
- [46:47]
A
What food do you eat every week, no matter what?
- [46:50]
B
As a Nigerian, it's probably, I'll say rice and plantains. Maybe not even plantains, but definitely the rice. Oh yes, Nigerians, we have to have rice. So it's called Jollof rice. I don't know if you've heard about it. I should cook some and send you away one of these days.
- [47:05]
A
Thank you for that. And your favorite month.
- [47:08]
B
I think because I was born in March, it would be fair to say March is my favorite month. But really January is my favorite month. I believe that it's new beginnings. It signifies new beginnings and just a fresh start and all the things that come with a new year and a new month and new life and new hopes and new dreams. So January will be my favorite month.
- [47:29]
A
Dr. Lulu, someone saying wow, I know throughout you have given your handles. Please share with us again because someone saying I didn't get to write it down. How can they connect with you and do business with you and support your business? Business or they need help. What is the best way for them to reach out to you?
- [47:50]
B
Probably my website will be the best way. I have my phone number on there, my email on there. I have a calendly appointment book on there and I think my blog also has contact information in my blog. So and on Facebook I am my personal name, first name, last name Chanel. And then I have a Facebook page called Tina Life. And then I have a Facebook page called I Dr. Lulu. So the mouse boys on Twitter I'm Uchename on Instagram which I have legal there. I'm also Uchinami and I think on LinkedIn I'm Uchinami. So all the major social social network social media platforms I'm on there YouTube. I upload all my videos that I do on Ask Dr. Lulu onto my YouTube page which is also Ask Dr. Lulu. So you can't go wrong. If you google my name or Google Ask Dr. Luno you should be able to find me one way or the other.
- [48:42]
A
Dr. Lulu, thank you so much for spending time with us as we elevate the Black Entrepreneur Experience. Don't forget that you want to subscribe if you haven't already done so, to no, no, I'm talking to our audience and we know that you did, but for our audience, absolutely. Please subscribe to our podcast on Stitcher Radio, Spotify or itunes. And we we are out of time because we see that Dr. Lulu's voice is going. So we want to spear her voice so she can talk to all of those amazing teens and keep them alive. Dr. Lulu, that's a wrap and we appreciate you spending time with us on Black Entrepreneur Experience podcast.
- [49:25]
B
Thank you for listening and subscribing to Black Entrepreneur Experience. We would love for you to leave a review and rating on itunes and share with your friends. For show notes and more episodes go to www.bepodcast.com. join us.