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Black Entrepreneur Experience
BEE 546 Marriage Leadership & Desire: AD "The Kingmaker" Dunbar
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A
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Foreign.
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C
Welcome to the Black Entrepreneur Experience podcast. Inside the business buzz and brilliance of Black entrepreneurs. Here is your host, Dr. Francis Arlene.
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B
What happens in Vegas goes all over the world on Black Entrepreneur Express experience, episode number 546. Thank you for joining us as we elevate the Black Entrepreneur experience by interviewing CEOs, thought leaders, innovative thinkers and black entrepreneurs across the globe. I'm your host, Dr. Francis Arlene. Welcome back to the show. Today we're going where most high performing men quietly struggle but rarely talk about. And joining us is AD the Kingmaker Dunbart and a relationship performance strategist helping elite married men, CEOs, founders and executives earning 200,000 to multiple seven figures become desired again not by doing more or talking it out, but by reclaiming masculine leadership and showing up with undeniable presence in their marriage.
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D
With welcome, AD thank you for having me. I'm super excited about this conversation.
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B
We've given our audience such a brief bio. Why don't you fill in the gaps and share with our audience what you want them to know about you? And why are you called the King Maker?
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D
Good question. I love myself. I can sit here and talk about myself all day. I'm gonna try not to do that. I really do believe that we live in a time where men hate themselves. They hate their masculinity and they hate their manhood. Due to media, due to social programming, due to a lack of fathers being in the home, we tend to see, we say words like predator and we assume it's a man. There's just a lot of shame inherently baked into our culture towards masculinity. And I saw myself suffering from this same shame. And one thing that I've learned is that your wife, your woman, she can't like you any more than you like yourself. She can't love you any more than you love yourself. She can't respect you any more than you respect yourself. Years ago, one of my biggest problems in my relationship is that I didn't feel safe within myself I was constantly shaming and judging myself. I was constantly being shamed and judged by the world and outside forces. And so my wife, in turn, did not feel safe. This led to arguments and resentments and us both saying harsh things toward one another. I've just basically learned over the last two years I went on this journey. Now I'm going to say this about myself and I'm not going. The audience does not need to follow me in this. I'm a bit extreme. I'm looking for a sister wife. I love women. I love taking care of women. I love how genuine and open and honest they tend to be about their emotions. Whereas men kind of like, they kind of puff their chest out. I'm not a. It's like, bro, calm down. It's okay. You have feelings. You're a man, you're a human. What I love about women is that they allow me. Especially when you're in love with a woman, right? You tend to become vulnerable and then things happen and, like, you get your feelings hurt. But she didn't mean to. It's just there's an insecurity within you that you didn't realize until you started engaging with that woman. And so I've just, I had, I've had a lot of relationships. I think most men have maybe, I don't know, a handful, three, four, five over their lifetime. There was a short two to three year period where I engaged with like 20 different women. This was not all intimate or, you know, sexual or anything like that. Some of them were just friends, some of them were more. But I learned a lot about myself in that process. And to wrap up the answer, I learned a lot about women in their nature. You know, how like, people are like, I'm a dog person or I'm a cat person, meaning they love dogs. They look. I love humans. We are animals. We're sophisticated animals. And sometimes we're so smart, we're stupid. But I love the human animal. We tend to think that men and women are the same. And of course we're not. We're mostly the same. But we have differences. And those differences make a big deal. Especially when it comes to communicating in a relationship. For example, women typically use words to communicate information. There's a tiger behind that tree. Make two rights and then a left and you're there. Women typically communicate to communicate emotion. Girl, I went to work today and then this happened. And so and so said this and they did this and they did. You ain't got to listen to the word. She just wants you to know that she was upset based on the things that happened today at work. So she wants to feel heard and understood. The man wants to convey information. So it's understanding those differences and appreciating those differences and working together as a team to kind of like compliment one another. I've mastered that. I believe I'm the best on earth when it comes to solving that problem. And I'm here to share that with the world.
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B
One of the things I've heard ad is that men are the headline and women, they're the entire story. So if you have a story and it's written, the title, when you talk about communication, the title, the man will just say the title.
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D
Got you, got you.
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B
The lady will say the whole article.
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D
I love it.
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B
In terms of communication.
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D
Yes. Yes, thank you for that. Yes, agreed.
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B
And why do you think passion fades in high performing marriages and why communication often gets worse?
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D
That's a good question. I don't know if passion fades. And I've looked, I spent a lot of time looking up all these words, right? So passion is basically an overwhelming emotion. You could be passionately angry, passionately in love. You're just overwhelmed with a given emotion. What tends to happen over time is not even desire that fades. What it is is desire, especially female desire. Like the desire to be close, the desire to touch, the desire to reach out, the desire to communicate, desire to make love and all those things. Right? Desire and intimacy. There is a trigger in the back of a woman's mind that is not a trigger. It's a calculation that's, it's like a, is a calculation that's constantly running, constantly running, constantly running. And it's thinking and it's saying, should I be more or less attracted to this man at all times? All times. And men don't understand that. They think that, oh well, I've got to have money, I've got to have six pack, I've got to take her on date nights, right? We've been married for 20 years. I've got to bring her roses and flowers and all these other things. And it's like if you didn't have to do that in the beginning for her to desire you, you don't have to do it now. The fact that you're doing all these things just shows that you don't know what inputs trigger those outputs. Right. And I was once in this couple's premarital class and we were talking about finances and there was this guy who was single, he was probably in his late 50s and he had A spreadsheet of all the dates he had took women on. He spent $47,000 over 10 years on dates. He was whining and dining and romancing. They weren't attracted to him. He was still single. So romance does not equal desire. So desire does not fade. Passion does not fade. It's. There's inputs and if you know what those inputs are, you get the right output, which is high desire. Now, if you put the wrong inputs in, and I'm doing this because I don't like right and wrong, if you change the inputs, desire goes away. When you truly understand a woman at her core, you'll understand that desire doesn't fade. Let's be real. This is what I've been told. I don't, I'm not a woman, so I don't know. I've been told that a woman, when she meets a man, she knows within seconds whether she wants to give her body away to that man or not. She knows. Now she may not come out and say that or offer it or whatever, but like, it's kind of hard to lie with your body language. Desire is like, it's instant like that. And so when you know what triggers it, you just behave in that way. And when you know what decreases it, you stop behaving in that way. And I just kind of teach what I call the desire equation. And there's only three inputs. And that's kind of just what it is that I tell my clients to focus on. And the wives love it too, because then all of a sudden they're like, oh my God, he's just so masculine. All of a sudden he puts me in my plate and it's. Yeah, I know, it's, it's an equation, it's simple, it's straightforward, and I love teaching it.
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B
Let's talk about your ideal client. How did you come up with your ideal client?
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D
I like guys who make money, right? I like successful, well to do guys because I like people I can learn from. I think it was Alex Hormozi I was listening to. And he was like, look, if you're going to solve a problem for someone, let it be someone with money. A couple of years ago, I had an offer where I was helping men break into tech roles. And these were well to do guys who were making a quarter million dollars or more. But they're working 50, 60, 70 hours a week outside the home. And so now they don't have time for family. And what I realized is that I didn't enjoy creating the content of talking about tech. I don't care about tech. It just kind of pays well, and I did it, so. But I love the glow of seeing a guy say, man, I did it. I've got more time for my family now. This is amazing. And so in every endeavor I've been doing, I've been bringing families back together. I'm basically sticking with that same avatar that I was working with, which is the man who's doing well and. And kind of just one part of his life is kind of just off, whether it's the time or the intimacy or the desire. And I'm kind of just stuck with that.
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B
Let's talk about. You had mentioned just the timing we're in right now. How is your message being received?
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D
That's a good question. I'm not certain, and I don't know if this is to my benefit or my detriment. I genuinely don't care. And even when I do care, I don't want to care because I truly believe my purpose, I believe I was put here to become the best version of myself and showcase that to the world and inspire others. And many great men like Van Gogh, they're not appreciated while they're here. Like, their work and their art and everything is, like, very much appreciated after they're gone. And that's part of leadership, is knowing that, like, you're going to go out front, you're going to get some arrows. Some people are going to like it, some people are going to hate it. The way I look at it and the way social media is going today, it's just like, look, baby, just talk about me. Whether it's. Whether it's kind, whether it's not. Just talk about me. Share it with somebody. I don't care what you say because I like me. So it doesn't really matter. And I like my message. And I know the guys that I've helped and I know. I'll give you an example. I had one of my. My past clients. His name is Jaquan. He and his wife are both military veterans. And I think they have three kids, and they would go to their son's Little league football game on the weekends. They sit on the stands, and he would sit here and she sit way down there, Right? What does that communicate? That communicates, I don't want to be close to you. I don't want to be seen with you. I don't want to be seen next to you. I don't want you to touch me. That's communicating without words, because people tend to think you need words to communicate. You don't. When he came to me, it was during the time I was running my tech offer. And he was like, yeah, man, I want to make more money so she can desire me again. I was like, that just seems like extra steps. Well, how about I just teach you to get her to desire you again without you having to make more money? Because men falsely think, oh, if I become bigger, better, stronger, faster, richer, she'll want me. And that's not true, because she wanted you in the beginning, but when you didn't have to do any of those things. Right? And so we worked together for a few weeks, and at the end of the first week, he was like, okay, she's sitting with me at the games again. This is odd. And then the next week he called. He's like, okay, now, like, she's just orbiting me in the living room like she doesn't want anything. Like she just kind of just always around me. And the third week, we talked and he was like, my goodness, we just had some of the most passionate sex we've ever had. Right? And it's. She slowly started to come towards him. Same guy, same income, same height, same six pack that he either did or didn't have. Same everything. It's just. I teach the men how to love themselves and carry themselves in such a way that is almost like they're oozing honey. And that woman who you have children with, who loves you, she can't get enough and she just wants to be around you all the time. Just like the honeymoon phase.
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B
Yeah, that's awesome. Speaking of that, talk about love, marriage and entrepreneurial ship for you personally, let's talk about love.
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D
To me, love is the. Is the. The urge in the sense that the object of my affection, the thing the person that I'm loving, thrives, does well, even to my detriment. And I love the first part of that. The second half, I don't want to do anything to my detriment. That's what love is. For example, when you get in an airplane and they say, hey, put your mask on first. Then the children's. Love is the thing that makes you want to put the children's mask on first. Right. However, I know it's going to sound crazy. Love and marriage actually have nothing to do with. With one another, in my opinion. Nothing. Because you could. I'm not saying you would, but you could marry someone who you don't love, and you could also love someone who you don't marry. When I think about love, I Think about self love. Like it starts with self, meaning you can't pour from an empty cup, right? You must take care of yourself. And that's when I see one of the biggest, biggest, biggest problems that I see men have. I have a friend who's a notable podcaster. He says, if you are suffering as a father and a husband, you're probably doing it right. And I'm like, no, if you're suffering as a husband because you're suffering because you don't know how to do any better. And oftentimes, going back to the airplane analogy, when they tell you to, they came up with the idea of put the mask on your face first and then the child, because people would try to put it on their child and then they would pass out. Now neither you or the child can breathe, right? So love is like, it feels great, but it's not always useful. It's not always practical based on what it is that you're trying to do. So back to your question. You said love, marriage and entrepreneurship. Love is the sense that I want to see the object of my affection do well and thrive, even to my own detriment. Marriage is a contract. Some people look at it as a covenant between the man, the woman, and God. You can look at it however you want to look at it. Marriage, what it started as, it had nothing to do with love. It was just, I need a child, she needs a child, and she needs someone to protect her as she raises that child. And if she has emotions and she needs connection, she gets that from the rest of the village. She doesn't necessarily need that from me. Like, that's how it started. And we've thrown all these other things on top of it. And marriage today has become something completely unmanageable, which is why 50% of them end in divorce. But it's beautiful if you truly understand one another's nature and you know how to, like, do the dance of male and female. Nature is beautiful. I think today's marriages are better than they've ever been. They're harder than ever. But when you do it right, quote unquote, it's. There's nothing else like it. And then you said entrepreneurship. Entrepreneurship is the newest journey for me. And to me, it's just. It's just how is how we serve the world? Like, how can I put systems and things in place to serve others, to get paid handsomely, to take care of myself and those that I love? Like, that's. That's what entrepreneurship is. It's the learning how to do that efficiently.
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B
And you being in this space, helping married men excel and strive, not thrive also within themselves, but within their marriage, how has that work directly and indirectly impacted your own marriage?
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D
It makes my marriage easier because let me ask you this. Have you ever been in a situation where you knew what you needed to do, but emotionally you were conflicted, so you kind of didn't do it, or you put. You kicked the can down the road? Have you ever experienced that?
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B
Absolutely.
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D
Okay. I think we all have. That's part of the human experience. Now, have you ever been in a situation where someone else comes to you, one of their problems, and because you're not emotionally invested, you can tell them you need to do this and you need to do it now?
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B
Absolutely.
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D
Same thing. So me giving my clients coaching and feedback and telling them what to do and what something means, it reinforces in my head, like, okay, when my wife were to do this, I would be conflicted, but because that's not my wife, and I don't know her, here's what. I need to tell him what to do. And you know what? I need to have that same conversation with my wife, because now I'm in a coaching mode, and my feelings are not involved. Right. And love going back to it clouds your judgment. Now you start accepting and doing things that you shouldn't accept and things you shouldn't do, and everything is clouded, and now she feels unsafe because you've. You've let your boundaries lapse. I need my clients just as much as they need me. Like, I love the coaching, and it. It reinforces those same principles in my own marriage.
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B
Absolutely. And what do you feel? Your zone of geniuses.
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D
Understanding. Understanding and communication, Knowing how to tell the truth in a way that is not harsh. Like being able to tell the truth in such a way that someone can receive it and know that it's coming from a good place.
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B
Ad I want you to have a monologue. I want you to name this person, living or not, and they've impacted your life and inspired you. Who is that person, and what are you saying to that person?
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D
There's so many. I've got friends and mentors who I've paid so much money. But I'm gonna go to the more cliche route. I'm gonna say, Kevin Samuels. He was a powerful figure in the black community, and if he were here now, I would tell him, man, thank you for reminding me that I am valuable. Not the money, not the cars, not the success. All that's cool, too. But who I am inherently My feelings matter, my thoughts matter, my fears matter. I'm not this impermeable, you know, strong person who never feels pain. I feel all the same feelings that women and children feel. I feel the same things. And I am deserving of a safe place just like everyone else. And so if I can become a safe place for myself and for others, then the world just becomes a better place. And again, I'm here to inspire people. So I would just tell him, hey, man, thank you so much for the content that you created. Thank you so much for the impact that it had on the community. Thank you for letting me know that I matter, my thoughts matter, my feelings matter, and that I am deserving of dignity, I am deserving of love, I'm deserving of respect, even as I'm figuring out what I'm doing, because I don't always know what I'm doing.
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B
Let's talk about legacy. When it's all said and done, how do you want to be remembered?
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D
Such a great question. My first thought is, I don't care. Okay? Because legacy, let's talk about it. Legacy is the story that they tell about you when you're gone. I don't care what these people think about me now. I could really care what they say now. Some people are going to say, he was an evil. Whatever. Some people are going to say, man, he was a genius. He was brilliant. In actuality, I'm a human. I'm a human. I'm a normal guy. I've got things I like, I've got things I dislike. I've got times I get annoyed, and I'm just human. So I don't want anybody to raise me up as if I'm just like this perfect person with no problem. Like, I don't know, here's what I would want it to be. And I think that it's in line. I want my legacy to be a man who was here, who thought for himself, who did what he wanted to do genuinely at all times. And if I just do that every day, if I just wake up, do what I want to do, and not care what anyone else thinks the legacy should be. At the end of the day, he was a guy who got up, did what he wanted to do, regardless of what anyone else thought at all times. And to me, that is the essence of masculinity. That is the essence of masculinity. It is to be somewhere, to be in a group, to see people walking off a cliff and saying, I'm not walking off that cliff. I'm Going this way, goodbye. Like, that is what masculinity is. And the opposite is peer pressure. The opposite is everyone's doing that. The mass. Let's be real, you're smart. Typically, if the masses are doing it, it's not a good idea. That's it. I think I want to be known as a masculine man who served others, who did what he wanted to do and who made a great impact on the world. And to me, I'm doing that every day. So it doesn't what others talk about or say about my legacy, it doesn't matter to me, it just matters what I think. It matters what my kids think, it matters what my wife thinks, those who closest to me, it matters what my mentors think. Other than that, people have their thoughts and perceptions of me and that's okay. I don't like everybody, Everybody doesn't have to like me.
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B
Speaking of mentors, talk about your top two mentors and what lessons do they teach you.
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D
This is where the conversation goes off the rails a little bit. Remember how I told you over a short two to three year period, I engaged with like 20 or so different women and it all started the same way. Like they would really, really like me or really, really desire me, and then it would just go away two to three months in and that another one really, really like me. It goes away and I'm like, okay, what's the pattern here? I must be the problem because I'm present in all of it. And after that I basically went on like a, a binge, like a two year binge of just paying any and everybody who I could, who had an understanding of women that I didn't. So I got mentored by pimps, by swingers, by Muslim men who have multiple wives, women who have multiple husbands, pickup artists, everybody, Everybody who I. Anybody who I saw at a high level who had a deeper understanding of male and female nature in the dance, I sat down with. And one of my favorite mentors, I won't mention his name because he, he doesn't, he doesn't like being associated with pimping, but he was a former pimp. Now I will also say, since we're, we're crossing lines here. I don't believe in force, I don't believe in violence. So anyone who. I would never get advice from someone who was forcing someone to do anything or being violent towards them. I just, I don't believe in it. However, if people are engaging in consenting relationships and they're willingly doing things, that's different. That's Interesting to me. And so this particular guy, I GUESS he had 10 different women at one time, and he would just say all these things, and it kind of just made sense. One of the things he would say is, women need chaos. And I'm like, what does that mean? He was like, women need to feel good and bad, happy and sad. They need to feel all of it. Men typically just want to feel peace. We want to just, like, do nothing. Like, if we could feel nothing all day, that's a good day, right?
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C
But.
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D
But women need to feel it all. And one of the problems that I see men do is they say, oh, happy wife, happy life. And they try to keep her happy, Meaning I don't want her to feel any of those negative things because I feel uncomfortable when she feels uncomfortable, and I can't handle how I feel within me when I see her like that. So let me keep her happy. Essentially, I'm afraid of both of our emotions. That was a lesson that I learned from that particular mentor. So there's him, and then there's another guy. His name is Orion Taraban. He is a. He's got a. I think he's got almost a million followers on YouTube at this point. I've learned so much from this guy. So, like, it's so much I've learned from this guy. It should be illegal to be this. Like that. It's free. That is just all online. And you just have to find him and, like, do the work. One of the things I've learned, this just helps me a lot, is that your woman is your mirror. Your woman is your mirror. So regardless of what you think is going on with her, you're inputting things. And so whatever you give a woman, she will absorb, she'll multiply, and she'll give it back to you. Okay? So if you wake up one day and you are agitated or annoyed and she hears just a slight amount of irritation in your voice, she's going to take it, absorb it, and multiply it. Now she's going to be angry and aggressive towards you, and you don't even know what you just did. You don't. You have no idea. You're just like, what's. And so I've made that mistake so many times. And then once I learned it, I became aware of the pattern is like, oh, shoot. So now my rule is, you get my love or you get the absence of my love, but that's it. We don't argue. I'm not speaking mean or harshly or spiteful or anything. Like, I will Speak with love. And if I don't believe I can speak with love, I'll either not speak or I'll just say, hey, I'm angry right now. I don't recommend that you're around me. Let me go take care of this and I'll come back. Baby, I thank you. I appreciate you.
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B
AD let's step back. How did you get into entrepreneurial ship?
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D
Truth be told, I didn't really want to be an entrepreneur. I didn't really want to. I know all these answers sound so backwards, but it's like I was in this network marketing company from 2014 to, like 2019. I think it was PHP with Patrick McDavid, and I just saw all the stress that he had. Like, he was talking about being sued and having everything taken from him and having panic attacks and. And he would always say, it's just easier to be a great number, too, than it is to be a number one, right? And I'm seeing all the stress of the number one. And sometimes number one doesn't even pay himself. He has to make sure number two and number two's family eats right. And I'm like, I don't want to sacrifice like that. I want to pay myself. Right? Long story short, I got into entrepreneurship because I was just doing well in tech and the taxes were crazy. And I was told if I start a business that I would, you know, get a tax cut. And so then it's like, okay, now I'm an entrepreneur. Now I've got to learn how to. I almost felt like it was thrusted upon me. It's like, I'm here now and I've kind of just gotta keep going. So that's kind of how it started. And now I'm at a place where, like I said earlier, it's about service. It's about regardless of if I make a dollar that day, if I. If I create something, if I have a conversation with someone, man or a woman, and it's like I give them a level of understanding that they didn't have. It's a win. It's worth. I would do this for free. I've been doing this for friends and family for free four years, right? So it's like, let me find a way to monetize it and increase the impact.
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B
There's a lot of risk and rewards in entrepreneurial ship. Let's talk about the lesson of opportunity. What was that worst moment in business and what was your takeaway? Even though I'm calling it a worst moment, it was your greatest opportunity. What was your takeaway?
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D
Missing payroll. Missing payroll. I just. I. Like, it was always my biggest fear, and then it happened multiple times, and I was just like, oh, my goodness. You just feel like you're not good enough. You feel like, what am I doing? I would be upset if someone didn't pay me. And so there's a lot of shame around that. And I've come a long way in the sense that, like, I don't believe in. I don't believe in shaming myself. If you ever see me shaming myself, I promise you I'm doing it unintentionally. And so the biggest lesson and takeaway from that is, like, there's room to grow. There's things that I don't know yet. There's connections that I've not made yet. I'm not adding enough value to the marketplace to consistently be able to have these people. And the other blessing on the other side of it was these people still stay with me for months. They were like, hey, bro, I rock with you. I like you. Like, yes, I want to be paid. But, like, this is great. Like, learning from you, having conversations with you, bouncing ideas off of you, that is also valuable. So I'm here for that. And so it made me feel good. Like, okay, wait, I do have some inherent value. I would say that was the biggest lesson and opportunity.
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B
Talk to a younger you. What advice would you give to a younger you?
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D
Stay open, stay kind, stay loving. And everything that you're looking for is already inside of you. Everything you're looking for is already inside of you. From the standpoint of no one's coming to save you. Like, and there's a goodness inside of you. There's a. There's a gratitude, there's a kindness. There's a. Like, I'm a lover, not a fighter. And there's a sincere level of curiosity within me as well as, like, a. Like I said, like a humanist. Like, I love people, and not everyone loves themselves. So just showing up as a loving person who loves the person standing across from them, even if they don't know them. Just like God loves you and knew you before you knew yourself. There's value in that.
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B
If you lost everything and you had to rebuild in 30 days, what industry and why?
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D
I would go to, like, Wall street or somewhere where there's men making a lot of money, and I would just have, like, a sign that says, hey, you're rich, but your wife doesn't want you. Solve the problem in the next seven days, guaranteed. And I would just See, I would try to provoke their ego somehow and just get them to come out and open up and admit that they have problems and that money can't solve these problems. I guarantee I'd make at least 20 grand. Like, there's no way I'm standing in front of all these people, all these guys who are stressed out. I would take a beautiful woman, too. I would. I would go to a strip club and, like, bring a woman with me so they. She stops them and gets their attention.
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B
Advice you wish you had followed.
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D
Love yourself self. Love is self investment. Come to know who you are. Come to know who you are before you were damaged by the world, before you had parents and friends and family who let you down. Like that inner child, that playfulness, that loving person, that kind, that generous, that curious nurture, that young man.
- [29:32]
B
And that's a loaded question. How do you find yourself? And that's one of the things that I've noticed when we talk about men and I see a lot of brokenness, and you talked about not pouring from a cup that's not full. It's like, you can't fly on a broken wing. How do you find yourself and find that inner person before they were wounded?
- [30:03]
D
You know what I would say? And it's going to sound super simple, but if it ain't simple, it ain't for me. You find yourself by doing what you want to do and then taking inventory of how you feel afterwards. I once had a masculinity coach, and I remember at this point in time, I was thinking about divorce. And so I'm on the phone, not even just divorce, but just moving out the house because I don't have to divorce you to move out the house, right? I was talking to this guy, I was thinking about moving out, and he was like, well, only do that if you want to. And I was like, what do you mean? He was like. You said something along the lines of, she's getting on my nerves, and I just want to go. And he's like, what you're telling me is that her behavior and her emotions are the driving force for you to do this. The question is, if you toss that aside, what do you genuinely want to do? Like, stop letting outside things influence what you want to do. What do you genuinely want to do? If you didn't care what people thought about you, if you didn't care about success or failure, you just genuinely want to do it because you genuinely wanted to do it, what would that be? And that's how I live my entire life through that entire, that simple framework. And you take inventory and you take stock of how you feel. For example, I've recently taken taken dancing, right. Partner dance lessons. And it's Kizumba is the name of the dance. It's a West Angolan, West African, Angolan dance style. It's kind of like salsa, but it's African. And I'll go in this class, I've been going for three months now, and we'll dance and like, the women all, like, perk up and smile when they see me. And I feel good, and I just keep going because I feel good. That's it. I'm making friends like there's no other. I don't need any other motivator than I feel good and I want to do it, and that's it. Another way to put this is, what are all your have to's, all your have to dos? Because people lie to themselves and they tell themselves that, oh, I have to do this, I have to do that. And it's like my dad told me, I don't have to do nothing but stay black and die. So everything else is a choice, right? I don't have to wake up, I don't have to brush my teeth. I don't have to go to work. There might be consequences on the other side of not doing these things, but I don't have to do anything. So list all your have to's and then cross them out. You don't have to do anything. So what do you want to do? What do you choose to do? And then the things that genuinely call you, those are the things you do, and those are. That tells you something about yourself. That's what I would say is a good start, is figuring out what genuinely moves you. What do you love? What do you hate? And then ask yourself, why? Why do I love this? Why do I hate that? And a lot of times it'll go back to our childhood, right? And we're still kind of living through past trauma. And it's like, okay, once we set that trauma aside, would I be afraid to love? If we put the fear of being hurt aside, do I still want to love? Like, is it still worth it? Right? If I don't have any expectations of anyone other than myself, what would I be doing? I don't know if it's a good answer. I think it's a good starting place, though.
- [32:48]
B
And I think one of the keys to that ad is that a lot of people don't understand that from a certain point. I believe it's the last trimester in the mother's womb up until seven years old, the child is nothing or the human is nothing but a computer. There is a, I believe, a Jewish proverb that says when you see a child at 7, you see a man or you see a woman. And the reason that is is because all you're doing from 8 on is going playing that computer over and over and over again. And if they don't understand how to delete and put good things back or that's the reason people stay in trauma and they don't understand why they can't get out of this cycle is because that computer continues to play and you have to deprogram. And so understanding that, you understand emotional intelligence.
- [33:52]
D
Mm.
- [33:53]
B
And you understand how you can get to that point. That's why a lot of people get stuck. And so when they get into marriage, see a lot of us, we know what we don't like, but we don't know what we like. And so I say that reverse engineer that, write down what you all the things you don't like and then go from the place of the like. Because we live in such negativity, we can't even blossom and thrive into the positive space.
- [34:27]
D
Agreed.
- [34:29]
B
I would like to ask you what is that milestone that you would like to accomplish before the end of this year, 2026?
- [34:41]
D
It would be somewhere related to impact. I'm all about testimonials. Like when I say I'm the best on earth at what I do, it's because I see the results that I get clients in days after they've spent years and months and thousands of dollars on therapy. The therapy doesn't work. So I would probably say having 20 testimonials on my website of husbands and wives saying, hey, this is amazing. This is easier than I've ever experienced it. Having wives that I feel safer than I've ever felt with this man husband saying, I feel more appreciation, more desire and more intimate with this woman than I ever have. And it's easier than it's ever been.
- [35:17]
B
What is your ask? What can our audience do for you right now?
- [35:23]
D
I would say go to my website which is the 30 day fix.net it's 3 0. So the numbers 30 the 30 day fix.net there I have a webinar that you can watch keep is called the desire equation where I break down the three variables that it takes to bring back desire. And once you do that and you'll see that like it, it becomes a, like a, a virtuous cycle. It becomes a virtuous cycle. Like when you unlock this soft, loving, kind, respectful version of your woman again and she pours into you now it puts a battery in your back as a man. And you just want to go out here and conquer and give this woman the world because no one has been able to make you feel how she makes you feel. And then he does that and then it reinforces the woman. And so none of this takes money, it all just takes love of self. And then the love you have for yourself radiates out as love for others. Right? And then we just start to communicate and treat each other better. So if that's something the audience is interested in, I would highly recommend go to my website, the30dayfix.net the numbers 30 and check out that, that, that live webinar. I think I'm proud that I put it together. And I'm just, I'm shocked at how simple this is that I've been able to help people simplify the process of desire. Because everybody wants to be desired. Everybody.
- [36:47]
B
Absolutely. We talked about technology. That's where you started back in the day. And I can't. I'd be remiss if I didn't ask you this question. Let's talk about artificial intelligence and what is your take on it and how do you use it?
- [37:03]
D
If you use it at this point, it is a staple in my life. Don't take AI from me. Take my pinky before you take AI. Love AI. It's also scary that I've been in tech for quite some time now and it changes fast. But now it's changing so fast. Like when I say changing fast, like there will be a new technology every one to two years now is a new technology every 30 days. It seems like, like colleges can't even keep up with it. And so then it becomes, well, what is AI going to replace and what is still going to be here and what's not going to be here? You hear people talk about universal basic income because AI is going to take all the jobs and it's. I don't know, I don't know about that. Here's what I do know. We're still going to need to know how to love and communicate with each other and ourselves, right? So I feel like my job is safe. But I love AI. I think that it's incredibly useful. I know guys now between their whole team is them, their wife and like a va, so three people. And I'm sure they have AI everywhere in their business and they're making like half a Million dollars a month, right? So like that's what's possible. They're, they're saying the first completely all AI billionaire is going to be created in the next few years. Just one guy who built a bunch of AI systems who are going to turn into a billion dollar company. So at this point I don't even try to continue to guess what the future is going to be. But it's here, it's here to stay. It does some cool things. And here's what I would do if I were you guys. Just if you want a simple way to improve your relationship, you have to prompt AI and say, hey, acting as dot, dot, dot. So acting as a human, an expert, a master in human evolutionary psychology. Here's the problem I'm having with my wife. Please give me simple instructions on how to fix it. If you just did that, you would have a totally new marriage in 14 days. If you just did that. I shouldn't even be saying that for free out loud. But if you just did that, if you understood the woman from the human evolutionary biology. And I do this all the time and this is how I continue to learn. And then I go say something or I do something, I practice it and then it's like, oh, wow. Her response is this interesting. Add that to my notes. So just being able to get tailored specific feedback like that is phenomenal. And it's here to stay. So I recommend use it. And oh, the question was, how do I use it? I answered that I use it to have conversations with people who I can't talk to yet. So you can say, hey, acting as Michael B. Jordan, acting as this person who's in this industry who's really successful, who I really want some feedback from on how to do something. They did give me advice on how you would go about implementing this. That's how I use it.
- [39:34]
B
Yes. And thank you for that and just want to share for the audience in reference to AI and I did a class on AI and they were saying what is. When you talked about how fast technology is moving, one of the things they were saying is that the information that they teach today is actually outdated tomorrow. AI is here to stay and it's very powerful. You want to be very mindful that you use it responsibly is what I'll say. Ad, if you conducted this interview, what is the one question you would have asked yourself? I'd like you to ask the question and answer it.
- [40:15]
D
I told you I'm immature. I'd be like, how did you get so sexy that's the question I'd ask myself. I should ask myself that I would ask. This is genuinely a question that I ask people who I see are doing things that are outstanding. It would be. If I'm trying to have your level of success in this area and I don't want to overcomplicate it, you can only give me three simple steps that I could do over and over again in order to get this outcome. What would it be? Right? So if, again, that's, if a husband is listening, they're like, hey, how do I get. And I don't brag on my wife because she's amazing. She's.
- [40:48]
B
She.
- [40:48]
D
But she, she doesn't like to be talked about. But she, she does everything I ask and then some. She's amazing. I'm not letting her go. And there's nothing anyone can say or do to get her from me. Okay. And she treats me like a king, like an absolute king. If you want those results and you want the intimacy and the love and all that, the three steps, I would say only communicate in a tone that is loving and affirming or don't communicate at all. And that includes not arguing.
- [41:14]
B
2.
- [41:15]
D
Understand that women need chaos. They do. They just do. Just, just assume it's a fact. Just like the sun is going to rise and it's going to set. She going to have some chaos and it's going to go away and she's going to come back. It's just, just like the sun. 3. Give her lots of hugs and kisses. Like none of this is rocket science. Dr. Harleen. I know. Give her hugs and kisses. If you just did those three things, consistently did those two things and understood the second thing, you'd have an amazing, amazing relationship.
- [41:44]
B
I love it. We've come to the part of our interview, it's called Rapid round of Fun. I'm going to ask you a series of questions and I'd like you to give me very quick answers. If there's something you desire not to answer, feel free to say pass. Are you ready for the rapid round of fun?
- [42:01]
D
I am.
- [42:01]
B
Your first job, Wendy's, you relax. Doing what?
- [42:06]
D
Getting a massage.
- [42:08]
B
Your favorite singer or rapper, Bruno Mars. Your favorite dance song, Viagea.
- [42:16]
D
I don't know how to say that.
- [42:17]
B
The artist's name, what food you eat every week, no matter what. Torchies, torches, Tacos, Queso workout or hit the couch.
- [42:28]
D
The couch.
- [42:31]
B
And what is your favorite comfort food?
- [42:34]
D
Blue Bell cookies and cream ice cream ad.
- [42:37]
B
Thank you for joining us on Black Entrepreneur Experience Podcast. Before we let you go share with our audience the best way for them to connect with you. Feel free to leave all your social media handles and we appreciate you.
- [42:50]
D
Thank you. You can find me on all platforms. I was blessed enough to get the same handle across every Single one at A.D. the King Maker. No spaces, no dashes, no anything like that. So you can put the symbol ad the kingmaker on YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, all the social media places. You can find me there. Say hello. I don't have AI in my inbox. It's me whenever you're responding. And I love the ladies. So say hello ladies. I appreciate y'. All. And Also my website, the30dayfix.net if you want to deep dive into the content, that's the best way to reach me.
- [43:23]
B
Thank you. AD that's a wrap.
- [43:25]
C
Thank you for listening and subscribing to Black Entrepreneur Experience. We would love for you to leave a review and rating on itunes and share with your friends. For show notes and more episodes, go to www.beepodcast.com. join us next week Wednesday. And remember, green is the new Black, so keep your bank accounts and your business in the black with VRBoCare.
- [43:51]
B
Help is always ready before, during and after your stay. We've planned for the plot twists so support is always available because a great trip starts with peace of mind.