Fan Mail

Black People Love Paramore – “Fan Mail”

Host: Sequoia Holmes
Co-hosts: Jewel Wicker, Ryann Graham
Date: December 22, 2025
Episode: Fan Mail

Episode Overview

This special “Fan Mail” episode centers on listener questions, advice requests, and feedback, with Sequoia, Jewel, and Ryann reacting candidly and playfully to a range of topics reflecting Black pop culture interests and community experiences. The trio’s trademark humor, honest insights, and camaraderie shine as they dissect everything from awkward crushes and post-pandemic dating woes to workplace microaggressions and making friends as adults.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Being "Robotic" with White People at Work

[02:48–07:35]

Fan Question: How to be less “nice” to white people, specifically aiming for "robotic interactions" in response to systemic issues.
Ryann: Warns that being emotionally closed/robotic may backfire, particularly at workplaces; suggests being “fake nice” or, better yet, a neutral “NPC” (non-playable character) – nondescript but pleasant.
Jewel: Empathizes, shares experiences of being told to “smile more” at work, recounts challenges and pushback when not performing emotional labor:

“You are not gonna get a smile out of me ... I’m not suggesting nobody else do it. It has worked out for me because the minute I’m blunt is because ... I’ve been very nice for a long time.” [05:19]
Sequoia: Outlines safe, surface-level engagement strategies – engaging without volunteering personal details – necessary for job security:

“Something I’ve noticed about white people is ... when they want to interact with you ... and you are not giving that interaction, your job’s on the line. Unfortunately, yes.” [05:06]

2. Podcast Evolution, Live Shows & Audience Interaction

[10:17–13:50]

Reflect on Jordan (former co-host) moving on, discuss plans for future live podcasts, especially in LA (“If you want it, let us know!” [11:39]).
Jewel and Ryann reminisce about chaotic in-person energy (“It’s even more chaotic in person. Is different,” [12:25]) and recent trips.

3. Nostalgia and TV Reboots

[13:52–17:24]

Listener request for a reboot episode sparks debate over 90s/00s shows coming back (Gossip Girl, Bel-Air, Rugrats, All Grown Up).
Group agrees Bel-Air stands out as one of the better reboots (“Bel Air is probably one of the better reboots,” [14:34]).
Sequoia roasts attempts to reboot Glee and Pretty Little Liars; general agreement that many attempts flop.

4. Dating in 2025 – Apps, Gender Roles & Transactional Relationships

[19:24–32:44]

Fan Question: Is dating worth it in this climate?
Ryann: "The apps are also just making money off us … If your goal is to end up in a relationship and find a partner, what else are you gonna do? You have to date." [19:44] Cites games in queer and straight dating, issues in “the pits” of dating apps.
Jewel: “Not all men … sometimes you get a partner and now you just got an extra bill and an extra burden.” [23:06]
Explores the new culture of expecting gifts or money before meeting (“…the requirement to me meeting you in person is a Chanel bag,” [24:59]) and the influence of “female rap” on relationship norms.
Sequoia and Ryann stress there is no shame in transactional relationships, but honesty (“If you are... asking a man to fly you out somewhere, the implicit expectation is that he is going to get sex out of that. If you... show up, you not putting nothing out. That's how you end up sitting at the airport,” [26:38]).
All agree: be clear about intentions and compatibility, avoid building fantasies about people you don’t truly know.

5. Making Friends as an Adult

[37:13–49:45]

Fan Question: Advice on making friends in late 20s/early 30s for a non-drinking, non-creative person.
Jewel: Advocates “friend stealing” by building community through existing friendships and shared circles (“I met one friend… and I took the whole group,” [39:24]); stresses repeat interaction and compatibility as the root of real friendship.
Ryann: Recommends joining activities/classes that match your interests (even book crawls, [40:24]) and being open to compartmentalizing friendships (“Not about quantity, it’s about quality,” [49:12]).
Sequoia: Encourages routine and becoming a “regular” in neighborhood spots, highlights importance of in-person interaction for forging bonds.

6. Insecure – Issa's Best Relationship

[49:45–55:40]

Fan Question: Who was Issa’s best relationship, and who should she have ended up with?
Sequoia: “I think Issa’s best relationship was Lawrence, and I think she should have ended up with Lawrence in the end. And I’m happy that she did.” [50:08]
Jewel: Notes the show’s realism – “relationships aren’t always neat and tidy” [50:32]; supports the series' mature ending.
Ryann: Wishes Issa had ended up alone; all agree the strongest relationship was with Molly (her best friend).
Amusing moment recounting Sequoia mistaking the actress who played Condola for an actual friend at a party ([53:03]).

7. Deep Dive: Unrequited Crush & Ghosting

[59:40–74:35]

Listener’s long, detailed question about pursuing a crush (living in another city), being ghosted, and processing rejection.
Jewel: Empathetic advice to let go – “If a man likes you, you’ll know. If he don’t, you’ll be confused. If there’s any kind of confusion, he don’t like you enough. Get the hell on.” [63:38]
All three deconstruct the listener’s attachment to a fantasy of a connection, encourage shifting focus inward, and warn against over-analyzing his actions or his new girlfriend.
Ryann: “It seems when someone likes you, it is, I imagine—no, not even imagine—it is, pretty clear. If you have to do this much, you’re just doing it to yourself.” [62:53]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Jewel, on emotional labor at work:
“Because I’ve been in meetings where I have been very nice. I have overly been … accommodating. ... ‘Jewel, you’re not smiling, fix your face.’ Or ‘Jewel, why do you seem unhappy?’ Maybe it’s because y’all done played in my face the last four meetings.” [05:19]
Ryann, on dating in 2025:
“The apps are bad. They don’t show you people that you really want to be with … If you are someone who dates men … games, games, games.” [19:44]
Sequoia, on workplace survival:
“Something I've noticed about white people is when they want to interact with you ... and you are not giving that interaction, your job's on the line. Unfortunately, yes.” [05:06]
Jewel, on recognizing reciprocal interest:
“If a man likes you, you'll know. If he don't, you'll be confused. If there is any kind of confusion, he don't like you enough.” [63:38]
Jewel, on friend-making:
“Meet friends through your friends because you like your friends. ... I got so many friends that went to UGA. I ain't never stepped foot on that campus for school because I met one person ... and I took the whole group.” [39:24]
Sequoia, on the “Chanel bag” first-date culture:
“It feels so entitled ... You must not have that energy ... You're not giving up coochie, that's what it is.” [28:54]
Sequoia, on the importance of activity for connection:
“I have to take care of my body. I have to work out anyways. So I’m gonna go to the same class ... talk to these same people ... one day I’m gonna ask ‘Do you want to go to coffee?’ and our friendship is gonna be started from there.” [42:18]
Jewel, on relationship priorities:
“You want to be in the right relationship … not just any relationship.” [71:19]

Timestamps for Key Segments

[02:48-07:35] – Workplace boundaries & neutrality for Black people with white colleagues
[10:17-13:50] – Podcast updates, live show brainstorming
[13:52-17:24] – Nostalgic TV reboot discussion
[19:24-32:44] – Modern dating, relationship economics, gift culture, and “the Chase”
[37:13-49:45] – Making friends as an adult, practical advice
[49:45-55:40] – Insecure recap & relationship analysis
[59:40–74:35] – Listener crush/ghosting advice sesh; real talk on letting go

End-of-Episode Wrap-Up & Listener Stats

[76:02–82:08]

Sequoia reveals Spotify Wrapped stats for the podcast:
1. Beyoncé
2. Taylor Swift
3. Kendrick Lamar
4. Bad Bunny
5. Drake
Plans teased for a possible Taylor Swift-themed episode ("I said I'm gonna do a Taylor Swift episode in 2026," [77:18]), and encouragement for fans to share feedback for more fanmail segments or live shows.

Tone & Style

Signature blend of honesty, irreverent humor, vulnerability, and cultural specificity.
Candid group-therapy energy, plenty of self-aware jokes, and loving shade (“You do give: Come sit and gossip with me." [09:52]).
Frequent gentle ribbing about each other’s quirks, boundaries, and (lack of) party energy.

Final Takeaway

This “Fan Mail” installment is a perfect sampler of Black People Love Paramore: supportive, hilarious, and full of solidarity and unvarnished perspectives—aimed at making Black “scene” kids (and anyone else) feel “seen.” The co-hosts offer advice that is practical, nuanced, and rooted in community: set boundaries, value yourself, find connection in shared spaces, and be real about what—and who—you actually like.

Black People Love Paramore – “Fan Mail”

Host: Sequoia Holmes
Co-hosts: Jewel Wicker, Ryann Graham
Date: December 22, 2025
Episode: Fan Mail

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Being "Robotic" with White People at Work

[02:48–07:35]

Fan Question: How to be less “nice” to white people, specifically aiming for "robotic interactions" in response to systemic issues.
Ryann: Warns that being emotionally closed/robotic may backfire, particularly at workplaces; suggests being “fake nice” or, better yet, a neutral “NPC” (non-playable character) – nondescript but pleasant.
Jewel: Empathizes, shares experiences of being told to “smile more” at work, recounts challenges and pushback when not performing emotional labor:

“You are not gonna get a smile out of me ... I’m not suggesting nobody else do it. It has worked out for me because the minute I’m blunt is because ... I’ve been very nice for a long time.” [05:19]
Sequoia: Outlines safe, surface-level engagement strategies – engaging without volunteering personal details – necessary for job security:

“Something I’ve noticed about white people is ... when they want to interact with you ... and you are not giving that interaction, your job’s on the line. Unfortunately, yes.” [05:06]

2. Podcast Evolution, Live Shows & Audience Interaction

[10:17–13:50]

Reflect on Jordan (former co-host) moving on, discuss plans for future live podcasts, especially in LA (“If you want it, let us know!” [11:39]).
Jewel and Ryann reminisce about chaotic in-person energy (“It’s even more chaotic in person. Is different,” [12:25]) and recent trips.

3. Nostalgia and TV Reboots

[13:52–17:24]

Listener request for a reboot episode sparks debate over 90s/00s shows coming back (Gossip Girl, Bel-Air, Rugrats, All Grown Up).
Group agrees Bel-Air stands out as one of the better reboots (“Bel Air is probably one of the better reboots,” [14:34]).
Sequoia roasts attempts to reboot Glee and Pretty Little Liars; general agreement that many attempts flop.

4. Dating in 2025 – Apps, Gender Roles & Transactional Relationships

[19:24–32:44]

Fan Question: Is dating worth it in this climate?
Ryann: "The apps are also just making money off us … If your goal is to end up in a relationship and find a partner, what else are you gonna do? You have to date." [19:44] Cites games in queer and straight dating, issues in “the pits” of dating apps.
Jewel: “Not all men … sometimes you get a partner and now you just got an extra bill and an extra burden.” [23:06]
Explores the new culture of expecting gifts or money before meeting (“…the requirement to me meeting you in person is a Chanel bag,” [24:59]) and the influence of “female rap” on relationship norms.
Sequoia and Ryann stress there is no shame in transactional relationships, but honesty (“If you are... asking a man to fly you out somewhere, the implicit expectation is that he is going to get sex out of that. If you... show up, you not putting nothing out. That's how you end up sitting at the airport,” [26:38]).
All agree: be clear about intentions and compatibility, avoid building fantasies about people you don’t truly know.

5. Making Friends as an Adult

[37:13–49:45]

Fan Question: Advice on making friends in late 20s/early 30s for a non-drinking, non-creative person.
Jewel: Advocates “friend stealing” by building community through existing friendships and shared circles (“I met one friend… and I took the whole group,” [39:24]); stresses repeat interaction and compatibility as the root of real friendship.
Ryann: Recommends joining activities/classes that match your interests (even book crawls, [40:24]) and being open to compartmentalizing friendships (“Not about quantity, it’s about quality,” [49:12]).
Sequoia: Encourages routine and becoming a “regular” in neighborhood spots, highlights importance of in-person interaction for forging bonds.

6. Insecure – Issa's Best Relationship

[49:45–55:40]

Fan Question: Who was Issa’s best relationship, and who should she have ended up with?
Sequoia: “I think Issa’s best relationship was Lawrence, and I think she should have ended up with Lawrence in the end. And I’m happy that she did.” [50:08]
Jewel: Notes the show’s realism – “relationships aren’t always neat and tidy” [50:32]; supports the series' mature ending.
Ryann: Wishes Issa had ended up alone; all agree the strongest relationship was with Molly (her best friend).
Amusing moment recounting Sequoia mistaking the actress who played Condola for an actual friend at a party ([53:03]).

7. Deep Dive: Unrequited Crush & Ghosting

[59:40–74:35]

Listener’s long, detailed question about pursuing a crush (living in another city), being ghosted, and processing rejection.
Jewel: Empathetic advice to let go – “If a man likes you, you’ll know. If he don’t, you’ll be confused. If there’s any kind of confusion, he don’t like you enough. Get the hell on.” [63:38]
All three deconstruct the listener’s attachment to a fantasy of a connection, encourage shifting focus inward, and warn against over-analyzing his actions or his new girlfriend.
Ryann: “It seems when someone likes you, it is, I imagine—no, not even imagine—it is, pretty clear. If you have to do this much, you’re just doing it to yourself.” [62:53]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Jewel, on emotional labor at work:
“Because I’ve been in meetings where I have been very nice. I have overly been … accommodating. ... ‘Jewel, you’re not smiling, fix your face.’ Or ‘Jewel, why do you seem unhappy?’ Maybe it’s because y’all done played in my face the last four meetings.” [05:19]
Ryann, on dating in 2025:
“The apps are bad. They don’t show you people that you really want to be with … If you are someone who dates men … games, games, games.” [19:44]
Sequoia, on workplace survival:
“Something I've noticed about white people is when they want to interact with you ... and you are not giving that interaction, your job's on the line. Unfortunately, yes.” [05:06]
Jewel, on recognizing reciprocal interest:
“If a man likes you, you'll know. If he don't, you'll be confused. If there is any kind of confusion, he don't like you enough.” [63:38]
Jewel, on friend-making:
“Meet friends through your friends because you like your friends. ... I got so many friends that went to UGA. I ain't never stepped foot on that campus for school because I met one person ... and I took the whole group.” [39:24]
Sequoia, on the “Chanel bag” first-date culture:
“It feels so entitled ... You must not have that energy ... You're not giving up coochie, that's what it is.” [28:54]
Sequoia, on the importance of activity for connection:
“I have to take care of my body. I have to work out anyways. So I’m gonna go to the same class ... talk to these same people ... one day I’m gonna ask ‘Do you want to go to coffee?’ and our friendship is gonna be started from there.” [42:18]
Jewel, on relationship priorities:
“You want to be in the right relationship … not just any relationship.” [71:19]

Timestamps for Key Segments

[02:48-07:35] – Workplace boundaries & neutrality for Black people with white colleagues
[10:17-13:50] – Podcast updates, live show brainstorming
[13:52-17:24] – Nostalgic TV reboot discussion
[19:24-32:44] – Modern dating, relationship economics, gift culture, and “the Chase”
[37:13-49:45] – Making friends as an adult, practical advice
[49:45-55:40] – Insecure recap & relationship analysis
[59:40–74:35] – Listener crush/ghosting advice sesh; real talk on letting go

End-of-Episode Wrap-Up & Listener Stats

[76:02–82:08]

Sequoia reveals Spotify Wrapped stats for the podcast:
1. Beyoncé
2. Taylor Swift
3. Kendrick Lamar
4. Bad Bunny
5. Drake
Plans teased for a possible Taylor Swift-themed episode ("I said I'm gonna do a Taylor Swift episode in 2026," [77:18]), and encouragement for fans to share feedback for more fanmail segments or live shows.

Tone & Style

Signature blend of honesty, irreverent humor, vulnerability, and cultural specificity.
Candid group-therapy energy, plenty of self-aware jokes, and loving shade (“You do give: Come sit and gossip with me." [09:52]).
Frequent gentle ribbing about each other’s quirks, boundaries, and (lack of) party energy.

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Summary

Black People Love Paramore – “Fan Mail”

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Being "Robotic" with White People at Work

2. Podcast Evolution, Live Shows & Audience Interaction

3. Nostalgia and TV Reboots

4. Dating in 2025 – Apps, Gender Roles & Transactional Relationships

5. Making Friends as an Adult

6. Insecure – Issa's Best Relationship

7. Deep Dive: Unrequited Crush & Ghosting

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Timestamps for Key Segments

End-of-Episode Wrap-Up & Listener Stats

Tone & Style

Final Takeaway

Summary

Black People Love Paramore – “Fan Mail”

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Being "Robotic" with White People at Work

2. Podcast Evolution, Live Shows & Audience Interaction

3. Nostalgia and TV Reboots

4. Dating in 2025 – Apps, Gender Roles & Transactional Relationships

5. Making Friends as an Adult

6. Insecure – Issa's Best Relationship

7. Deep Dive: Unrequited Crush & Ghosting

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Timestamps for Key Segments

End-of-Episode Wrap-Up & Listener Stats

Tone & Style

Final Takeaway