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- [00:01]
Host
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- [00:26]
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- [00:55]
Host
Price reflects discount Blink is intended for mature audiences as it discusses topics that can be upsetting such as drug use, sexual assault, and emotional and physical violence. Content warnings for each episode are included in the Show Notes. Resources for drug addiction and domestic abuse can be found in the Show Notes and on our website, blinkthepodcast.com the testimonies and opinions expressed by guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself or affiliates of this podcast. Before we dive into this episode, a quick reminder. We're putting together a special Q and A bonus episode so you can head to our Instagram and leave a question on the pinned post. Over the past few months, we've gained a rare glimpse into the world of Jake Handel, a man who by all accounts, shouldn't be here. A true miracle. And yet, through his raw honesty and relentless determination, Jake isn't just surviving, he's reaching people. People battling addiction, people living with injuries and limitations, people working in the medical field, and people who have no connection to any of it, who just want to understand what it means to fight for your life. Jake has moved all of us with his story, and when we started the series, Jake and I had a plan, an idea of what each episode would entail. But but if you've been listening since the beginning, you've probably noticed this story kept evolving in real time, requiring some last minute changes and some unplanned breaks. We weren't necessarily expecting this, but maybe we should have been, because that's Jake's life. He works every day to move forward. But he never really knows what's coming next. He adapts, he figures it out. And I'm sure we're all wondering what life is like for Jake today. How does he navigate recovery, therapy, and the weight of everything he's uncovered?
- [03:40]
Jake
The day in my life of Jake, I have all kinds of things. Medical appointments, physical, occupational therapy, a variety of meetings. I have a startup ahoy. Mentally, I'm on point. Physically, everything takes me longer to do, like taking a shower. Although I used to not be able to do it at all, I would need help. Then it took me like an hour and a half. Then it took me like two hours to get a sock on. Now it's at the point where I might be able to take an 8 minute shower and get my socks on in like 30 seconds and get out the door. But I still have a variety of struggles. Like, you know, I got this Starbucks coffee over here.
- [04:23]
Host
Before recording for this episode, Jake and I stopped at a Starbucks and Jake opted for an iced drink and no straw. I'd seen him use straws previously. So I inquired, why no straw today? And he said, straw or no straw, both have challenges. If his arm jerks mid sip, a straw might jab him in the eye. No straw, same movement, different consequence. Coffee all over the table, the floor, or him. He opted for the risk of a spell over the risk of an eye jab that day.
- [04:54]
Jake
Obviously, recovery is very important to me. I'm trying to get back to some sort of semblance of what I used to be. I got all this, like physical therapy and occupational therapy homework and I like to go to the gym and get my cardio and stuff. So it's like all these things just eat up like too many hours in the day. There's also my social life and I have so many things and I want to keep a good balance. Something in my previous life that I was never good at. Obviously I'm very social person. I've always been social. I used to like all these activities. Like I would golf and stuff and play some sports and I can do the driving range Nowadays, work in progress, definitely hang out with friends, sell a foodie. So go out to eat, love live music, go to a fair amount of concerts and nightlife. And then, you know, I write a lot. That's like where the balance comes in. It's hard for me to turn it off and relax.
- [06:04]
Host
Before Jake's diagnosis, being a head chef was a huge part of his identity. He went to culinary school, he loved being in the kitchen and aside from the drug deals that was his career. So I couldn't help but wonder, is cooking still a part of Jake's life today? Maybe even a source of comfort or escape?
- [06:24]
Jake
Even with everything that happened to my brain, all the culinary knowledge is still in there. I still know how to, like, pick out the good stuff. I come and make it every time. I make a huge mess and then a mess bothers me, so I try and clean it up and then I make a bigger mess due to these bad thingies. Due to the bad thingies I sometimes can over season. I must say, it comes out pretty damn good. I even impress myself. Will there ever be me in a professional kitchen again? My knife skills are atrocious. You shouldn't trust me with a knife.
- [07:07]
Host
I asked him what his favorite thing to cook is.
- [07:10]
Jake
I'm a fan of the microwave. You know, it's just very low lift now. In all seriousness, I'm really good at searing something and putting it in the oven, like salmon, stir fry, vegetables, put the stuff in the pan and startup. I mean, there's risks associated with that too. I mean, everything's kind of a nightmare, you know, you never know.
- [07:37]
Host
Jake has a strong support system. Friends and family who check in, who help tidy up when they can. But for the most part, he's on his own, living independently, figuring it out day by day.
- [07:50]
Jake
I could take out the trash and I can load the dishwasher. Can I mop the floors? Not super well. Can I stand up and clean these windows? I mean, I might, like fall through it them. I can do laundry, folding. Not good bad thingies.
- [08:05]
Host
When I first met Jake, therapy consumed most of his week. More than 10 sessions each running an hour to an hour and a half. Speech therapy, physical therapy, conditioning, you name it. But these days, he's graduated from speech therapy and he's now down to just three therapy sessions a week. Two for physical therapy and one for occupational therapy.
- [08:27]
Jake
My goals in occupational physical therapy are very much aligned and it's all doing stuff in standing with nothing behind me. So going hard on that to master that before I move on. Therapy is very goal oriented. So if you're not meeting your goals, they're going to eventually discharge you from therapy. So you got to pick achievable goals that you're really going to work hard on and show progress or else insurance doesn't want to pay if you're not meeting your goals. And that's been a factor. In the back of my mind, even before I could speak verbally, it was like, oh, my God, if I don't make progress, I'm going to stay in this nursing home forever. You better get better.
- [09:17]
Host
Jake shares a lot of his recovery journey on social media. One of the standout characters on his page is his physical therapist, Caroline, who works at mgh. Their banter is quick, familiar. Jake testing out new jokes, Caroline responding with quips and a smile, steering him back to work. And really, it's just this dynamic that's not only endearing, but has gained some attention on Jake's social media. So I went with Jake to one of these therapy sessions a couple weeks ago, and on this day, Caroline sets Jake up on a treadmill, whirling biscuits.
- [09:51]
Caroline
That's the song you're listening to for him. Hey, have you gotten Spotify premium yet?
- [09:57]
Jake
No.
- [09:58]
Caroline
I think this is, like, your biggest beige flag. Just like ads. You like ads? Can I tell you a secret? I skip the ads on your podcast.
- [10:13]
Jake
How dare you, Crin. Does it take money out of our pocket?
- [10:17]
Host
I think you owe us, like. Many minutes later, it's time for Jake to hit the stop button on the treadmill, a skill he's been practicing for a while. It's a daunting task. The treadmill is moving. Jake has to release one of his hands, balance himself, continue to take steady steps, and then slam the red button. It's a task that triggers some real anxiety. But Caroline is right there encouraging him. She reminds him he's done it before. And as always, she lightens the mood with a bit of humor, helping ease the tension just enough.
- [10:55]
Caroline
Are your hot jams hot enough?
- [10:57]
Jake
No, they're not.
- [10:59]
Caroline
Do you need me to skip the song or. You can't, because you only have Spotify, not pregny.
- [11:04]
Jake
Ha ha ha. Gray flag.
- [11:07]
Caroline
No, beige flag.
- [11:11]
Host
Here's more from Caroline.
- [11:13]
Caroline
I am Jake's outpatient physical therapist. We've been working together for probably about a year and a half.
- [11:20]
Host
I asked what it's been like working with Jake.
- [11:22]
Caroline
As I'm sure you know, it's fun and crazy and silly. There's never a dull moment, and I definitely find myself having to check the fun at the door sometimes and be like, oh, we're not just friends hanging out. Like, this is my job, and I have to think hard about his very complicated case. To be honest, when I first started working with Jake and outpatient, I asked myself, like, what are we doing here? What's the goal? He's been in PT for a really long time. Like, what are we working towards? And now, having spent a lot of time with Jake, I Understand the response that I got, which was very firm. He's still making progress. He's going to keep making progress. We're not changing our plan of care. And he does. Every 12 weeks, we set goals, and every 12 weeks, he meets his goals. So I don't really know. Right. The end goal originally was, can he be independent in a wheelchair? And then the end goal was, can he be independent in a manual wheelchair? Can he transfer independently? And then it was, can he use a walker? And now it's, can he walk without a device? So the end goal keeps changing. I hope that someday, not for myself, but for him. He has a life outside of therapy.
- [12:31]
Host
That day will hopefully come. And Caroline says she certainly will miss him, as will everyone else.
- [12:38]
Caroline
He definitely knows, I would say 99% of the staff here. It's funny, we'll, like, go on walks through the hospital, and we'll, like, run into people that'll be like, hey, Jake, how are you? And he'll be like, hey. And they'll know that he doesn't recognize them. I remember one time there was a PCA who was like, I cut your toenails. And she remembered him from when he was in, and that was the connection. So, I mean, he's obviously very charismatic and likable. He's very, like, real and honest and true, obviously, about himself and his journey and his struggles. And I think that obviously captures people's attention and they want him to succeed. And I think he is also the person that gives back. Right. He is very willing to help the people who help him. And you don't always experience that as a healthcare provider, so people recognize that and are appreciative. And of course, now everyone listens to blank in our office, so everyone is like, I loved this week.
- [13:33]
Host
I loved this week.
- [13:34]
Caroline
And I remember before it came out, he had a conversation with me of like, I'm nervous that people aren't going to like me after they hear this. And I'm specifically nervous that you're not going to like me after you hear this. And, you know, I feel this about everyone.
- [13:48]
Host
Right?
- [13:48]
Caroline
Everyone makes mistakes. Life happens, and you're dealt circumstances, and it's who you are now that matters. And I felt like I knew the person that Jake was so well before this all came out that, like, the story that I'm learning about just makes me appreciate how freaking normal he is now. Right. Like, to have gone through all of that stuff and still be the person that he is is quite impressive.
- [14:11]
Host
I first met Caroline at the Blink launch party. Jake had told me years prior when we first started working on this project that he really wanted to walk on stage. When it launched, the goal was just walking.
- [14:23]
Caroline
And we had been practicing walking for a long time. Then maybe two or three months before the premiere, he was like, well, actually, this goal is to walk on stage. And I was like, oh, okay. So we're not just talking about walking. We're talking about walking in front of 50 plus people when you're stressed about having to speak in front of 50 plus people when you're anxious about sharing your entire life story. Right? There's a lot more to this. Walking on stage.
- [14:49]
Host
February 2, 2025, episode one of Blink came out and Jake's friends, family and medical professionals who helped him along the way all gathered at Bellen Tavern in Boston, Massachusetts.
- [15:01]
Caroline
I got there early. We practiced it probably five times before, and it was a great. It was a great day.
- [15:07]
Host
Jake walked on stage with Caroline and another physical therapist ready to catch him if he fell. But he didn't. And while most of what Jake does with Caroline reflects the grind of his daily rehab, he's also had some pretty incredible one of a kind opportunities along the way. Close your eyes. Exhale. Feel your body relax and let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe.
- [15:46]
Caroline
Oh, sorry.
- [15:47]
Host
I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.
- [15:57]
1-800 Contacts
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- [15:59]
Host
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- [16:41]
Jake
Anti gravity treadmill stuff where, like, you go into this, like, bubble and they put all this, like, air into it. It's like kind of like you're in the pool. And then some of the cool stuff I would do is more in the adaptive sports realm. A recumbent tricycle, sit down, skiing or sanding, skiing. Adaptive pickleball and adaptive rugby and adaptive basketball. There's pretty much adaptive everything. And I was doing a lot of that. When I, like, first got out of the hospital. I was just kind of like, what else can I do that? How can I get more therapy? And they would be like, you can do this. And I'd be like, what? I can't get into a kayak. There are people that help you do this, and it's adapted to you. And so that stuff's very cool.
- [17:29]
Host
I remember a few years back, Jake went on a ski trip, and I later saw a video of him standing tall, skiing down a snowy slope with people flanking on both sides of him.
- [17:39]
Jake
I used to be a skier. From a very young age, when you're such a junkie, someone would be like, you want to go here? And I'd be like, damn, that's Switzerland. I probably can't get heroin there. Bring heroin there. I can't do that. I'll get dope sick, and then it'll be a horrible time. But for skiing, I would always make that work. I'd be like, oh, that's something I have to do.
- [18:03]
Host
During his recovery, Jake had been biking from Charlestown to Boston with the help of Spalding Adaptive Sports. And one day, one of his therapists turned to him and said something along the lines of, you should go skiing with us this winter.
- [18:18]
Jake
Are you nuts? How I can do that? And she's like, oh, yeah, anybody can do that. Yeah, well, I don't think I can do that. And I don't know if the risk is worth it. And she's like, why don't you just come? That was summer. And then winter starts, like, November. Go over to Wichusett. They're like, so do you want to sit or stand? And I'm like, what? Stand? And they're like, yeah, we have this frame. So it's kind of like a walker on two skis with, like, this platform thing that you hold. And then you're on two skis. Your skis are in between skis. So you're on four skis. And then some, like, professional has these tethers, and so he can slow you down. If you're going crazy, he's behind you. And then they have people on both sides of you. And anyway, I'm like, that sounds fun, but I'm scared.
- [19:11]
Host
They warmed up the ski boots to make them more flexible. They stretched Jake's ankles and then carefully helped him into the boots and secured the adaptive ski around his body.
- [19:21]
Jake
It's like that feeling when you're about to Go down a roller coaster, a drop, and we start on the bunny hill. That was my first second. They're like, wow, you're like a natural. You're doing really good. We don't usually do this. You want to get on the chairlift and do a little run. And so I did this, and I was scared as hell, but once I started going, it really hurt my feet. That was the one thing. It caused me a lot of pain, but it was, like, so exciting and exhilarating. It just felt so cool just gliding down this mountain like I used to. I just had these thoughts in my head. I'm like, this is crazy. Not only that I'm alive, but that I'm sliding down a mountain. And. Yeah, but it hurt a lot. But I think it was worth. Was worth it. I did again and again and again, and then I lost, like, three toenails. They turned black. I went out to Denver to do this ski thing. These people are on such an advanced level. I mean, I'm. I'm somebody who's, like, in the ceiling frame going down the bunny hill. And, like, some of these people don't have any limbs at all and are snowboarding down double black diamonds.
- [20:36]
Host
That's, like, crazy to me. This moment is just such a clear reflection of Jake's determination. Even when he's shaking, literally trembling, and his mind is screaming that what he's doing isn't safe, he still shows up. He still chooses to try to do the therapy, to face the fear, to get better. A couple years ago, I went with Jake to aquatic therapy, and it was the day that he planned to try something terrifying, submerging his head underwater for the first time since his diagnosis. They started slowly. First having him stand unassisted in the pool, which was a skill he'd been practicing. And then leaning his face down to blow bubbles on the surface. And finally, the big step going under. He was visibly nervous, scared that if he panicked, he might breathe in water. He kept asking for reassurance that people were there, that people will save him if something bad happens. And the first few tries, Jake only got part of his face beneath the surface. I could see his heart racing, this internal battle playing out on his face. But after a short break, he said he wanted to try again. And this time, Jake didn't just dip his head. He plunged several inches underwater. And when he resurfaced to find all of our shocked faces, he asked if he'd made it fully under this time. And watching moments like this, watching him, it's unforgettable his resilience is magnetic. And I asked Jake, what would you tell someone who's struggling to find the motivation to do their therapy?
- [22:15]
Jake
Obviously, I'm somebody who knows how hard it is. And when you're going through it, regardless if it's on the road downhill, the road back up, you don't feel great physically. You might be sick mentally. It's no picnic either, because you're thinking about what's going to happen and you're thinking about how things used to be and how things aren't going to be the same. And you got all these automatic thoughts, like, shooting through your head. And that can make you lay down, for lack of a better word. You're just like, fuck it. I don't feel good physically. I don't feel good mentally. I'm just gonna put on the TV or put on some music and try and feel better internally. But I do my best to not get stuck in that because I always look at the alternative, right? And I'm going to feel worse physically, mentally, and about myself if that's what I do. Because there's only so long you can just lay down. Maybe you're somebody and I've been there who, like, can only lay down mentally. You got to make your best effort to be like, I'm going to do everything I can do and do what the experts are telling me to do. Even though it hurts, even though it's annoying. That's something, honestly, I have to do on a daily basis. I told this story about somebody in Spaulding who, when I was, like, paralyzed and being put into a chair non verbal, was just like, they put him up in the standing frame and he was like, ow, no, it hurts, it hurts. I give up, I give up. Discharged me. And that made me sad. I was wondering what would happen to him, frankly, without being locked in. I don't know. I just, like, saw how much worse it could be, I guess. And that's what kept me just boom, boom, to the next and next. I gotta get out of here. I gotta get to the next. And without going to the bottom, bottom. I don't know if I would have had that drive. But I guess my point is it's all about figuring out what you as an individual really want. If you want more than the cards you were dealt, you got to listen to the experts. And there is no guarantee in physical recovery. They're just like, if you do this and if you do this repetition, you will get better at it.
- [24:50]
Host
Caroline is in a position to see people battle through this every day.
- [24:54]
Caroline
I mean, he's had 200 plus outpatient PT sessions, and to still show up on time twice a week every week and want to be better. I mean, he could have easily said, I'm alive and I can operate a power chair. That's amazing. But he didn't. People might have told him that that was as far as he'd get, and he didn't listen.
- [25:18]
Host
And speaking of getting better, over the past year, something strange has been happening in Jake's brain. I reached out to Dr. Michael Young, a neurologist and brain injury specialist at Massachusetts General Hospital, and he's an expert in disorders of consciousness, serves on the MGH ethics committee, and now he works directly with Jake. What prompted me to reach out was Jake's latest brain scan. The image is stunning compared to a scan from just a few years ago. It kind of looks like the white matter has grown back, like his brain is healing. And So I asked Dr. Young, what does this mean? And he told me, the damage to the white matter was so evident, and now it does appear to have improved, and it points to the brain's remarkable plasticity. But is this regeneration? Is Jake's brain growing back? Well, we don't know yet. Much more research is needed. But still, this kind of case raises big, important questions. And another person who can speak more to it is Jake's Uncle Adam. Adam brings a unique perspective. He's a professional of radiology, health policy, and medical humanities, and also serves as the chairman of the Patient Institute. In other words, he has a deep understanding of what Jake's body is going through, and he had a few thoughts to share.
- [26:43]
Dr. Michael Young
He's made incredible physical progress, which brings up so many other amazing questions about how the brain functions. What's actually going on in our consciousness? Is our brain really our consciousness, or is it just one component? And is there another component that we don't understand? I mean, there clearly is. He's a better version of himself from a cognitive level. I mean, I challenge you to find me a single neurologist, single physician who can explain to another physician, or anybody else for that matter, why this is happening. They didn't teach me about this in medical school. I'm a medical school professor. We don't teach this to our medical students. I mean, this is bizarre, which is what makes it, I think, so exciting. I mean, he actually is a human pathway for medical research and medical knowledge to maybe go to the next quantum level of trying to understand cognition and consciousness, even medical anomalies. There's a Reason for the anomaly. And that's how medical discoveries are made. You find something that doesn't make sense in the old paradigm. He doesn't make sense in the old paradigm. I mean, I've read thousands and thousands of MRI scans of brains and spines and you know, he doesn't correlate. Over the years, those of us in medical imaging, we've used certain techniques to try to help clinicians make decisions about this. This just blows everything out of the water. There's something that we have to better understand about Jake and the course of his recovery. If we can figure this out, it's going to have huge implications for not only medicine, but also for our understanding of the mind.
- [28:38]
Host
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- [29:07]
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- [29:48]
Jake
I had no idea what would happen to me. But a lot of neuropsychologists in variety of different hospitals entered my room and people were concerned when they learned the magnitude of how long I was trapped in my body and everything I've been through about PTSD being a real thing for me. And non verbally I remember them and verbally talking to me about their worries about PTSD and they want to support me and help me. And my answer was always like no. I actually mentally I feel great. Physically I'm in a lot of pain but I feel great. And they were like interesting. Tell us more about that. Well, everything I've been through, it was hell. It was horrible. And now I'm just like have the ability to verbally communicate. I'm like yeah, everything kind of hurts and sucks but I'm Just, like, really thankful that I'm alive and, like, things can be so much worse. And one guy was like, this is fascinating. I think you have PTGs. Post traumatic growth Syndrome. Fascinating. You have grown from your experience.
- [31:02]
Host
What Jake's gone through isn't just trauma, it's transformation. The term Post Traumatic growth syndrome was first coined in the 1990s and describes the positive psychological change that can emerge from after a person endures intense struggle or trauma. So we're talking shifts in perspective, deeper relationships, a new sense of purpose. And it doesn't erase the pain, but for some, like Jake, it reshapes it into something else entirely, something stronger, something more positive. And Jake was never formally diagnosed with this, but a few different times, doctors suggested that this might be what he's experiencing.
- [31:40]
Jake
I believe two neuropsychologists in two different hospitals said, sounds like you have this.
- [31:47]
Host
And while this is definitely a positive thing, I also couldn't help but wonder, how has everything changed now that this story, his story, and his recovery is so public?
- [31:59]
Jake
Yeah, it's affected me way more than I thought it would. And I thought. I thought that I would feel relief. I've been waiting to tell this part of the story for a very long time, and it's finally here and working so hard on this for years. And it's out. And the launch was amazing. I felt great. And then episode two came out, and I got sad and depressed. It's not what I expected, and I don't know what I did expect. Virtually everyone in my family, in my friend group on the podcast, I had lunch with Eli yesterday. Eli's like, I am amazed how much I thought I knew and didn't know as episodes keep coming out in real time. So I've really put it all out there. Obviously, I feel so naked. I just feel like not everyone in the world, but everyone that's tuned in and, for lack of a better term, locked in on blink, knows things that I wouldn't necessarily tell my girlfriend. You know, they just know it all. As the season has progressed, I've kind of went through it, and I did have a rough, like, 10 days that were, I'm going to say dark, but obviously not as dark as they have been, just darker.
- [33:46]
Host
About a week into that darkness, I had called Jake, and he told me he wasn't feeling great. I asked if he wanted to stop the podcast, pull the episodes we'd already released, end it all right then. But he said no. Sharing his story mattered to him, even if it stirred up emotions he hadn't Anticipated.
- [34:06]
Jake
I mean even, even listening to some of it, I'm like, oh Jesus. I'm really honest. But where I feel now is much better. But I feel naked, a little paranoid. I wish I could have done this without people knowing it's me, but I don't think that would have worked as well for this story. I can be in like a random grocery store and someone's like, are you Jake? I follow you on Social. I love Link. And like that is definitely a different experience. It's really crazy. It's definitely, you know, weird. But sometimes people stare and I'm like, is that a recognition stare? Is that like somebody who's just like, I don't like the look of that dude. Is that like, look at that red scooter weirdo stare? And then I have this thought where I'm like, wonder if they know my story and wonder if their sister died of a heroin overdose and wonder if, if he knows and wants to kill me. I was part of that world and sold that shit. And maybe somebody's loved one OD'd. I understand that, like, urgh, you fucking scum of the earth dealing that poison.
- [35:22]
Host
So Jake also leaned on his friend Justin to sort out his conflicting emotions.
- [35:29]
Justin
We all love the kid to death, but this is a lot for someone to put out there and take on and like both to be a public figure and then you know, maybe to get the questions all the time that he's going to get, like how that's going to affect his mental on a day to day basis. You know, I super worry about that and I think he's starting to too, frankly.
- [35:49]
Jake
This story is too important not to tell. So I wouldn't change anything. There's so many things folks can take from my story. I want them to know it can always be worse and it can always get better. I want people to be appreciative for what they have and the abilities they have, the little things in life. That's the perspective I've gained. I also want people to kind of gain the level of perspective I've gained without having to go through something as traumatic as I went through or anything traumatic. There are people out there who have gone through some crazy shit, regardless what it is, who come out of that with just a refreshed look on life. And I think my mission in life would be if I could unlock this perspective shift in individuals who are struggling with their feelings and what to make out of life and just kind of bogged down by the mundane ness and fall into addiction or whatever. Bad habit they have. If I. We as a society can get people to unlock this perspective, it's going to improve so many people's lives. And that's. I think that's the reason I'm sharing my story to. To get some good to come out of that. And it's all about helping people. And that's like, my whole thing. I just want to thank all the listeners, you know, people that really care and give a shit, and just thank you guys for listening, you know, share this with anyone that you think it might help.
- [37:38]
Host
Jake might worry about how all of this will affect his life. And it's easy to get caught up in the what ifs, the anxiety that comes with being so open and so vulnerable. But in the midst of that, it's just as easy to forget how powerful sharing a story like this can be. His friends and family certainly have not forgotten just how strong he is.
- [38:00]
Justin
He's on the road to recovery, but he's not recovered. And he's like a strong kid. I saw something in him right away. I'm sure you did, too. This kid's capable of so much. Like, he's charismatic. He's like the ultimate salesperson. He just found himself in a community that. And in a situation with his mom that, you know, it's like there's a fork in the road, and it went down a path that he wishes he didn't, obviously. And it very easily, in a different situation could have gone. A path that, like, you know, led to him starting a company, which he's always meant to do, and, like, doing good, positive things for the world, which he's now doing.
- [38:34]
Caroline
I'm so proud of him for beating addiction, certainly the hard way, and for just working so hard at his rehab for years. He's very inspirational.
- [38:45]
Dr. Michael Young
I mean, it's really astounding because on the one hand, you know, he went from being, at best, a wayward soul, and now you see transformation that is astounding. There's so many lessons for the rest of us, and this has implications for every family. It's not just Jake. It's not just our family. It's for every family who has a loved one who has brain injury, brain impairment. To me, it's a call to action for more research, because for every Jake, there are dozens of family members and friends who are impacted. And I think Jake, frankly, is in the vanguard of dragging us forward. And more power to him.
- [39:28]
Jake
What's great is that he's finally kind of become the person I always wanted him to be. It's too bad that he had to get so sick and lose so much of his physical ability. But he traded it in for a better emotional basis and better outlook on life and living. His determination to recover and get better and learn to talk and learn to walk and, you know, it's such a moving story.
- [39:55]
Caroline
Jake comes to my house for Christmas. They all know. My whole family knows pretty much everything. And they're super supportive and love Jake.
- [40:06]
Host
Seeing how much love Jake still has in his life is really beautiful. And we were really lucky to have included so many interviews. But there was one interview that Jake and I had been chasing down for some time. Ellen. And then a few weeks ago, we heard from someone close to her family asking for our information on behalf of Ellen. Our efforts to reach her had worked, and we were hopeful that we'd finally hear her side of the story. But when the call came in, it wasn't from Ellen. It was from her lawyer. For years, Jake fought for the right to share his story. And now he's finally doing it. This past Memorial Day marked eight years since his diagnosis. And this winter will mark five years since the start of his recovery. In that time, so much has changed. He's now living independently. He co founded Ahoy, a company built to help others with accessibility needs navigate their cities with confidence. He walked on stage without a walker at the blink launch party. And now his story is out in the world. So where might Jake be in another five years?
- [41:22]
Jake
Five years ago, I couldn't get myself out of my hospital bed. I was living in two Gooseberry State Hospital through COVID lockdown. And I believe it was so bad, the military took over the hospital. So that's where it was five years ago. It was rough, and I was freaking out because I was making so much progress. And I was like, oh, no. Apocalyptic Covid. Here we go. Best luck, worst luck. You know, it's like, this was crazy to think that's where it was five years ago. And now I'm living on my own and I'm doing all these cool things. My story's getting out there. I'm traveling, walking with walker, balancing, doing some tests. So in another five years, I mean, the fact is, we just don't know. With me, I'm gonna answer where I hope to be. I hope that you see me on the streets of Boston, New York, Louisiana, Ireland, wherever I'm at, walking around with a cane and not just like, I can take a few steps with a cane. Like, that's how I get around. Scooter goes in the trash, wheelchair goes in the trash and I'm like caning it. And if there's a heavy door, I'm just like butchering through that, every door because guess what? I gotta get through the vet door and go to the bathroom and that will knock me off balance. And I'm not freaking out in my own head about how I'm going to fall. I'm like, no, I'm fucking Jake Handle. I'm going to walk through the door. Physically. That's where I hope to be. Work wise, I hope millions of people are still tuning into Blink for the first time. I hope that I have a career, public speaking, going around the world, sharing this perspective with folks and, you know, and I, I hope I have a kid. And that's what I hope in five years. And how old will I be in five years? 42.
- [43:26]
Host
I'll be 42 years old.
- [43:28]
Jake
Now we all know that hope is a nice thing and you can manifest things by hope. But now I'm going to talk about what might happen. One of the alternatives. I think all these things I just said have a high probability of happening. But I do see the story of Jay Candle ending with a swift brick to the back of the head. I saw it, saw it in the recurring dream.
- [44:04]
Host
For nearly two years, Jake had the same recurring dream. It always began with success. His story was out in the world. People knew what he'd been through. And he was on stage now at a speaking event, sharing his journey and inspiring others.
- [44:20]
Jake
There's someone in the audience that I recognize in front of all the engaged faces that doesn't look happy. And I recognize that person as my ex. Security's alerted. I can't find her. I'm walking with this cane and I step in somewhere and I feel this brick to the back of the head. And I fall forward and I look up and it's someone there. And she says, I saved your life. I can end your life. And she smushes my face with that brick. And everything earlier on in that dream has come true. And I don't see why it would change. I reached out to somebody to figure out how to get an investigation started on what happened to me. They told me that it would be the Worcester da since it happened in Worcester, that would have to bring an investigation. I reached out to Amy to try and get connected to said Worcester DA.
- [45:31]
Host
Attorney Amy Clifford, who represented Jake in the divorce.
- [45:34]
1-800 Contacts
He's like, Amy, he called me because he's like, do you know a district attorney who would sit down with me and I was like, why do you want a district attorney to sit down with you? And he's like, well, okay, here's what happened. I thought that would certainly explain some things that happened along the way. It's like, it really fits with what I know about her and the things that she kind of cared about and how she was, like, heroic in her efforts to save him and help him, but at the same time, you know, so good at creating fabrications and then making people believe them to be true. And I remember after speaking to him, it all clicked into place for me, and I was like, yeah, yeah, it makes a lot of sense.
- [46:14]
Jake
I was told by a lawyer who works in Worcester in the public defender's office that I can bring this to the Worcester Detective Bureau, who then brings it to the D.A. so, Ellen, I'm ready to talk in or out of the courtroom.
- [47:09]
Host
And now some overdue thank yous to Jake. Thank you for your bravery, your honesty, and your patience, for fielding my million questions, helping me piece together timelines, fact check interviews, and for offering so much insight. Even when I know it was really hard. I know how much trust that took. It's a very vulnerable thing to hand your story over to someone else. And unfortunately, in this space we've seen time and time again how that can go wrong. Survivors deserve to tell their stories authentically and with ownership. I was lucky that Jake chose me, and together we created something that honored that. To Jake's family, friends, and the professionals who lent their voices, memories, and expertise, you offered more than just support. Your insight brought this story to life. In fact, some of what you shared helped Jake uncover parts of his own past that even he hadn't fully known. Pieces of the puzzle he's still assembling to this day. To Michael Margay, thank you for composing original music for every single episode. The emotional depth you brought to this project helped immerse all of us right into Jake's world. And to everyone who listened to Blank, thank you. Your support has meant more than we can put into words. And by showing up episode after episode, you haven't just listened to Jake's story. You've amplified it. This story isn't always easy, but your kindness, curiosity, and compassion helped turn it into something powerful, something that's already reaching others who need to hear it. Thank you for supporting Jake, for rooting for him, and for seeing the strength, humor, and humanity in his journey. And now, as we wrap up this series, we leave with the hope that Jake's story stays with you, that it challenges how you see recovery, resilience, and what it really means to come back from the brink. How your life can change for the better in just the blink of an eye. This is blank.
- [49:10]
Jake
I'm Jake, and this is my story.