Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
Episode 5: Making Peace with Death
Release Date: March 2, 2025

Overview

In Episode 5 of Blink, titled "Making Peace with Death," hosts Corinne Vien and Jacob Haendel delve deep into the harrowing journey of Jacob Haendel as he confronts a terminal progressive disease. Diagnosed with a condition eroding the white matter of his brain, Jacob is given six months to live. As he grapples with his mortality, Jacob's story unfolds, revealing complex family dynamics, personal struggles, and profound moments of introspection.

Family Dynamics and Struggles

Ellen’s Struggle with Addiction

Ellen, Jacob’s wife, plays a pivotal role in this episode. Despite her efforts to care for Jacob, she battles her own heroin addiction, creating a tumultuous environment.

• Jake Handel: "So there were a couple times that Ellen text me asking me for heroin. And I always thought, I like, thought it was the weirdest thing because I never thought that she was into it. She hated so much that Jake did it. It was like very well known that she did not approve of that. I remember one time she texted me, she was like, I'm sick, like, I really need something. Could you help me out? I don't even know if I."
  [04:38]

Corinne Vien highlights the irony and pain of Ellen’s situation:

“So here was Jake's wife, potentially struggling to overcome her own addiction with this unimaginable stress looming over her and the determination to save her doomed and dying husband.”

Stepparent Tensions

Jacob’s stepfather, Daron, adds another layer of conflict. Daron’s own struggles with back pain and subsequent heroin use exacerbate the tension at home.

• Jake Handel: “You are the biggest bitch I've ever encountered. You have no filter and no respect for anyone.”
  [08:02]

Ellen’s relentless control over Jacob’s care leads to estrangement from extended family members. Varda, Jake’s aunt, recounts heated text exchanges that reflect the growing rift:

• Ellen (Text): “You've been nothing but helpful throughout this process, and unlike many, you are one of the few that have stuck around the whole time. That's why I'm such a stickler about giving out information. I don't want information getting into the hands of people who don't deserve it.”
  [06:58]

Legal Battles and Isolation

Daron’s altercation with Ellen culminates in legal action and physical violence. The confrontation results in Daron’s arrest and further isolation of the family.

• Daron: “I run back downstairs and then I took a deep breath and let it out slowly... I may have blacked out for a second, but I had all this blood in my eyes and I called 911.”
  [11:03]

Jake reflects on the resulting isolation:

“Ellen was in control of everything. It was so weird to me that it's like someone who is in the situation that Jake's in... having family around is one of the best things you can do. Having familiar people talk to them and hold their hand. It was so weird to me that she wouldn't want to have anything familiar for him. That is a cruel thing to do to somebody.”

Hospice Care and Near-Death Experience

Transition to Hospice

As Jacob’s condition worsens, he transitions to hospice care. Mike, a relatively inexperienced hospice nurse, becomes integral to Jacob’s final months.

• Jake Handel: “...he was incontinent. So he had a condom catheter for urine and he wore Depends. He couldn't eat on his own at the time. That was all through the G tube, fed with formula from just from being in bed all that time...”
  [18:56]

Ellen’s Determination and Medical Challenges

Ellen’s determination to "cure" Jacob often conflicts with hospice protocols, leading to friction with medical staff.

• Jake Handel: “She would do all his medications and there were quite a few of them. Certainly drove me crazy some days with some of the things she wanted to try or do that just weren't really aligning with hospice philosophy.”
  [19:55]

Jacob's Near-Death Experience

A pivotal moment occurs during a particularly intense episode where Jacob nearly passes away. He describes his sensations vividly:

• Ellen: “...I think this must be death... I have enough time to start thinking about my mom on hospice. And I know she was in pain. And it gave me comfort to know... I felt like I knew that maybe her pain was non existent at the end.”
  [25:00]

Jacob recounts the experience:

“...It was like losing more and more and more. And now I'm just seeing lit and then like lights out. And I had enough time to say, I just sighed and I was asleep. And then I woke up and I was in horrible pain. And I said, oh, fuck. Still here, still here.”

This moment encapsulates Jacob’s internal struggle with death and his subsequent return to suffering.

Final Days and Continued Isolation

Hospice Care Termination

Despite his survival beyond the expected timeline, Jacob's hospice care is terminated, leading to his confinement at home with diminishing support.

• Jake Handel: “The plan was to have him go back to the emergency room, but didn't quite happen that way.”
  [33:18]

Jake illustrates his helplessness during this period:

“...his wife now being his sole means of survival.”

Final Confrontations and Solitude

An attempted visit by Jacob’s stepfather ends violently, reinforcing the isolation imposed by Ellen’s control.

• Jake Handel: “...if that had been anybody but, you know, basically your stepfather... she'd pull him off me and I hobbled out of the house.”
  [18:05]

Corinne Vien reflects on the emotional toll:

“I can't imagine the anxiety his family must have felt. The immense weight of being completely unable to help him recover physically and then also having to navigate this very complicated relationship...”

Concluding Reflections

As Jacob approaches the end of his life, the episode underscores the profound isolation and emotional turmoil he endures. Despite the presence of a hospice nurse who provides compassionate care, the fractured family dynamics and Ellen’s domineering presence create an environment of despair and loneliness.

Jacob’s poignant journey in "Making Peace with Death" serves as a powerful exploration of human resilience, the complexities of caregiving, and the painful realities of facing mortality amidst familial conflict.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Jake Handel: “I participate in restaurants for a limited time.”
  [00:13] (Note: This is part of an advertisement and was excluded from the summary.)

• Jake Handel: “You are the biggest bitch I've ever encountered. You have no filter and no respect for anyone.”
  [08:02]

• Ellen (Text): “You've been nothing but helpful throughout this process...”
  [06:58]

• Jake Handel: “...if that had been anybody but, you know, basically your stepfather...”
  [18:05]

• Jacob Haendel: “Still here, still here.”
  [31:32]

(Quotes not directly contributing to the narrative, especially from advertisements, have been omitted.)

Final Thoughts

Episode 5 intricately weaves Jacob Haendel’s painful reality with the complexities of familial relationships under strain. Blink continues to shed light on underrepresented personal stories, offering listeners a profound look into the human condition when faced with the inevitability of death.

For more insights and updates, visit blinkthepodcast.com.