Corinne Vien (4:54)

And.

Jake Handel (4:55)

And she, like, lifts up the towel and she goes, let me call in the wound nurse. And I'm like, oh, God. Next thing I know, I got like eight people in my room just like, looking at my nuts, you know, and I don't even want to look. Then there was order put in for a cup and safety glasses. And it was the first time in this hospital's history they had to medically justify buying a baseball cup for a patient.

Corinne Vien (5:26)

It's now 2019, two years after Jake was diagnosed with acute toxic progressive leukoencephalopathy. Jake was determined to regain his mobility, his speech, his life. And luckily, the team at Western Massachusetts Hospital was just as determined to make it happen.

Jake Handel (5:44)

Because I was so hungry for more therapy and homework. Not only would they give me the homework, but when another patient would refuse therapy or, like, they had an opening, they'd be like, jake, I got an extra 30 minutes. Do you want extra therapy? And yes, oh, yes. I'd even be like, can I come in the gym and use a bike when you're busy? Like, help me transfer? And that's all I need. I'll be quiet. Like, I was eager. That Motivation, which I must have said before. A lot of it had to do with my wife getting through it and getting to the point where I could live with her, that was on my mind 24 7.

Corinne Vien (6:34)

Jake still hopes to rekindle things with his wife, but deep down he knows he can't count on her. If he's going to move forward, he'll have to rely on himself.

Jake Handel (6:44)

My wife has. She doesn't call, she doesn't text, she doesn't visit. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just gonna focus on me.

Corinne Vien (6:58)

And soon his thoughts turn to his family.

Jake Handel (7:01)

I really like to talk to my family. I'm sorry I'm smiling. It's like so. It's like not funny at all. But I was. Had this hope that my wife would come back to me and she had such control over me where I felt that even if I secretly sent and could send a cryptic message to a family member that she would find out and flip out on me and be mad at me and things would be even worse. So I, you know, I was just like, family isn't an option. And I knew that I had to make a choice between my wife and family. I mean, this sounds fucked up to say, but things were so bad and I was in so much pain. If I could have talked on hospice, I would have chosen my wife. That's like, saddens me to say that, but I was just so, so fucking sick. I was so in so much pain. She took really good care of me. She knew how to take care of me the best. Once I kind of mourned our marriage and, like, realized that it wasn't going to work out. I was just like, started to think about my family and think about them wondering, thinking I'm dead and not knowing. And I'm like, that's like really crazy. And, you know, I was very lonely and sad and broken, like, physically and mentally still. And yeah, it was just time, like, time to find this family. My wife Ellen, she had all my belongings. She had my phone, wouldn't give me my phone. I think the hospital even asked for, like, some possessions of mine. You know, who knows what happened there. I didn't have anything. I didn't. I didn't remember. The hospital got me an iPad, but, like, I don't remember my Apple ID and password. I didn't even know if it still existed even if I did. So it was like, starting over. I had no money because my benefits weren't going to the hospital. I really had nothing, right? So, like, These nurses and aides. And they were like, buying me shampoo and snacks and just like, you know, but they were like, can we find someone for you? Do you want us to find your family? They would ask me, what's your dad's name? It's your brother. There's a. And maybe with my broken speech, it didn't translate. That's why they couldn't really find anything for me. Like, laying in my hospital bed one evening and this number shoots in my mind. I'm like, I think that's my aunt in Texas's number. I mean, who remembers numbers now? It's programmed to your phone. Even. Even then, if I was to remember there were like a few select numbers I would remember, like, significant other, my own, maybe one other. There was no reason I should have remembered this number.

Corinne Vien (10:34)

I asked Jake if he'd called Varda many times in the past. Perhaps he'd seen her number often enough. He said no. He didn't speak to Varda on the phone much. Her number was programmed in. He never looked at it.

Jake Handel (10:47)

And I ring the call button for the nurse. It was like this little button I could slam like this because my fingers didn't open yet. Nurse comes in, I'm like, quick, quick, quick, get a pen. Write this down before I forget. They write it down and they're like, as excited as I am. And you can make FaceTime calls through Gmail. I had to put into the FaceTime app on the iPad. Calls rang like, probably three times, four times.

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Corinne Vien (13:43)

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Corinne Vien (13:50)

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Eli Weiland (14:21)

We had just flown up to Dallas for our daughter's medical school graduation and we went to our Airbnb and we were just, literally had just gotten there and my phone rings and go over to it and it's FaceTime. I'm like, who's that? And it's Jake lying in a hospital.

Corinne Vien (14:40)

Bed and he went, hi.

Jake Handel (14:43)

What?

Eli Weiland (14:44)

He could barely talk and it sounded like that. And I was just like, oh, my God, you're alive. And I said, adam, come here. Come here right now. Tell me if I'm hallucinating, because it was so freaking mind blowing.

Jake Handel (15:00)

I think we said, you're supposed to be dead.

Eli Weiland (15:03)

He thought you were dead. Yeah, I think he joked. He said, am I in heaven? Are we all in heaven? You know, he had a sense of humor still right then and there. And so we started putting little pieces together.

Jake Handel (15:19)

We Talked for, like 20 minutes, and one of the main questions was like, or is your wife? I was kind of like, she's not around, you know?

Eli Weiland (15:31)

And at that point, he was still with Elle, but he was starting to voice little bits of doubt about her. But then our kids arrived, and we.

Corinne Vien (15:39)

Were like, come here, come here.

Eli Weiland (15:40)

You're not going to believe this. And everybody was just flipping out. It was a very, very happy shock.

Corinne Vien (15:47)

Were you the one to deliver the news to other people in the family?

Jake Handel (15:51)

Yeah.

Eli Weiland (15:52)

I had to let Jerome know, which was really weird.

Jake Handel (15:55)

They started sending me numbers. And remember, one of the main things Varda said after was, have you spoken to your dad? And this is painful to talk about. I don't like talking about this part. Have you spoken to your dad? You know, I was just very sharply like, no. What?

Eli Weiland (16:21)

Why not? And he said, I'm mad at him. I said, why are you mad at him? And he said, he hurt Elle. So she had told Jake that about the whole strangling, quote, unquote. And Jake, at that point, still believed her.

Jake Handel (16:36)

Part of me, although I never really could have seen my dad strangling my wife. I knew how much she push his buttons and everyone's. And I'm like, well, people break. If anyone could push someone hard enough to strangle them, it'd be my wife. You know, I heard this ordeal. I didn't see it in my mind. I was like, I don't think he strangled her, but who knows? At the time, I didn't see my wife lying. I didn't even want to talk to my dad. I was like, you know what? Something happened. I don't know what it is. No.

Eli Weiland (17:25)

So, yeah, I had to call Jerome. But he, you know, he wasn't. He didn't spend a moment being hurt that Jake didn't want to call him. He was just so happy. He was alive and improving. And he said, we'll work it out. Eventually. It'll be, don't worry about me. That was his reaction. Don't worry about me.

Corinne Vien (17:46)

Jake asked his family to send him their Numbers and the numbers of other family members.

Jake Handel (17:51)

Other numbers I got were my. My stepfather, Eli Weiland, and my sister and brother Sophie and Dave, and my other stepsister Katie on the other side. And I reached out immediately, probably within few moments of getting Eli's number. He was the first person I reached out to. I called, but he must have had, like, the do not disturb thing on. So. Right, the voicemail. And I got one of those. No, I got one of those automatic, like, can't talk, I'll call you back messages. So he hit that, and I just replied, I think I got help. And I replied like, eli, it's Jake. I'm alive. Call me or something. He. He didn't respond for quite some time.

Amy Clifford (18:48)

I was in this seminar, a thing they called Family Constellations. I don't know if you're into this kind of stuff, but. Okay, so you go. And there's this energy thing, and, you know, it's a room full of people, and different people get up, and they go through these energy processes and so forth. So they only do a couple each time. And it was my first time ever, and I raised my hand and they called me up, and I did this whole family constellation thing with me and my father and his father and all these energy things. And, Max, I don't think Jake was in it. I just thought who the. Who the players were.

Corinne Vien (19:27)

Family Constellations is a unique form of therapy designed to reveal hidden family dynamics and generational patterns in a group setting, like the one Eli was in when Jake called. Participants step into the roles of family members, basically role playing and acting out scenes that offer fresh perspectives on relationships and past traumas so that the individual can see it and interact with it. And this process helps uncover unconscious patterns, inherited wounds, and emotional blocks, and maybe even act as the first steps towards healing strained relationships.

Amy Clifford (19:59)

And then I sat down, and then we went on break, and I checked my phone, and Jake had called a.

Corinne Vien (20:05)

Year to the day that Eli had last seen Jake on hospice.

Amy Clifford (20:09)

Like, we did this whole family energy thing, okay? And I reconnected with Jake. I mean, unbelievable. You know, people find amazing coincidences happen after they go through this process. And, you know, I think I once asked, like, why'd you call me? He says, I don't know. I was just, you know, just felt like I should call.

Jake Handel (20:28)

But once I reached out to Eli, he was like, can I come see you? And I'm like, yeah, totally.

Corinne Vien (20:35)

Eli and Jake's two stepsisters, Sophie and Katie, drove to Western Massachusetts Hospital to visit Jake.

Jake Handel (20:42)

And it Was wild watching them come in. And they just walked around the hall. And I saw him come through the door, and I was in my chair. Katie started crying right away. She was, like, crying. And then we went into this, like, sun room. They rolled me in there. That's when Sophie kind of broke down, started crying, and they were like, we thought you were dead. And I don't remember Eli crying. I remember Eli being pretty. Just, like, taking all in, kind of listening. There were no questions. More just like, miss you, love you. It was. It was a good visit. It was a heavy visit. So I didn't know any of this yet. People were looking for me for a very long time.

Eli Weiland (21:38)

He thought we just didn't want to be. Didn't want to see him, didn't want to deal with his dying and his illness.

Corinne Vien (21:44)

That was what he thought because that's.

Eli Weiland (21:47)

What she was telling him, too. Your family doesn't care. Your family doesn't really love you. I'm the only one. I love you. I'll take care of you. You're my hubby, Dennis stuff. You're my Jakey.

Corinne Vien (22:07)

Yeah.

Eli Weiland (22:08)

Infuriating.

Corinne Vien (22:09)

Jake's family, for the most part, had all been blocked by Ellen. They all relied on friends, or sometimes friends of friends who were connected with Ellen on Facebook to give them updates.

Jake Handel (22:21)

My stepsister Katie, she, like, have this hunt of find Jake. And one of Katie's friends, Mandy, was friends on Facebook with my wife. And Katie and her would stalk her page for any insights to me. And that's when we learned, or my family learned about Ellen. My wife posting as me when I was on hospice. So I'm. I'm locked in, can't move, can't do anything. And she's posting as Jacob Handel on Facebook. My wife is taking excellent care of me as if I was on a fucking beach in Maui. Like, can't talk right now, guys. I'm enjoying the surf life. You know, posting as if I can post, which is, like, interesting and wild and crazy.

Corinne Vien (23:24)

Jake's on Farta was checking on Ellen's personal Facebook page, which I believe has since been deactivated. And she gained access to this via a friend's page. She would go visit her friend in Framingham, Massachusetts, and then scroll through Ellen's recent posts.

Eli Weiland (23:39)

I felt like she was really going after, you know, the sympathy and going after the how great I am at taking care of him stuff.

Corinne Vien (23:47)

So post. We're being made from Ellen's Facebook page about Jake and his medical journey, as well as from Jake's personal Facebook Page as if he himself was posting the updates.

Jake Handel (23:57)

This started early. She took control of my stuff two months after diagnosis. I mean, she took my phone when I could still use my phone. But the rationale then was, I don't want you to get drugs.

Corinne Vien (24:12)

Jake was confused by this rationale.

Jake Handel (24:14)

And he reminds me, there's nothing like you got six months to live to make you sober up. So she had everything, and I never got her back since Jake had nothing.

Corinne Vien (24:27)

But now, at least he had some of his family back. When Eli visited him for the first time, Jake asked if he could come back again soon.

Jake Handel (24:35)

And he was like, yeah. And I was like, when you come back, can we dedicate some time for you helping me to write some things down? He was like, yeah.

Corinne Vien (24:46)

Since being able to blink to communicate, Jake was having healthcare professionals write things for him. Diaries of what was happening in his life, memories from his medical journey so far. And it was a bit disorganized and scattered. And Jake was hoping that Eli could help him transfer these notes to his iPad. And he was also hoping to have some dedicated writing time where he could dictate to Eli what he wanted to say and Eli could physically write it for him.

Jake Handel (25:12)

What I wanted to write down was huge. And we went outside. It was like one of my first times outside. This was like a week after that visit. And we went outside to this, like, gazebo, and he pushed me up there, had the iPad. And he was still having a hard time understanding what he was saying. And it took me like four or five times to get each word okay. And then he was. He broached the subject of my dad. He was like, you should really, really contact your dad. And I'm like, but why?

Corinne Vien (25:51)

Jake wasn't ready to speak to his dad yet. He was still confused about what he heard and experienced, and he just needed more time. Eli suggested writing a letter to Dorone. He would help Jake type it out. He could say whatever he wanted to say. This Jake agreed to.

Jake Handel (26:09)

It was along the lines of, like, going through it a lot. Love you, always will. My dad frustrated and don't know what to believe. And we will talk again just on now.

Corinne Vien (26:26)

I commented to Jake about how meaningful this must have been to his dad. There was hope in the letter. The door was nudged open.

Jake Handel (26:34)

Yeah. And I can honestly say at that juncture, I put in that hope to be nice, man. So fucked up to say out loud. Yeah. All right. Internally, there wasn't hope yet in that letter. I gave Hope.

Corinne Vien (27:03)

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Corinne Vien (27:13)

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Corinne Vien (28:34)

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Corinne Vien (28:43)

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Corinne Vien (29:13)

When Jake wasn't journaling about his experience or attending countless and constant therapy sessions, he was attempting to connect with the outside world again with his iPad. He made a new Facebook account.

Jake Handel (29:26)

I posted something in the Lincoln Sudbury where I went to high school alumni page. And I was like, hi, Jacob Handel, class of 07. Went through something crazy. But I'm alive now. Recovering with some like, I don't know, I got like a hundred Facebook comments and then a lot of dms and people reaching out. Not only from my high school, my. My first real girlfriend, Emma. She's like, Jake, you're live, like, amazing. I was so worried when I heard friends being like, I wanted to come visit, but I wasn't allowed.

Corinne Vien (30:05)

And then Jake receives a message from an old friend via Facebook messenger and it catches his eye.

Jake Handel (30:12)

Great to see this post. Thought you were dead. I was told I wasn't allowed to come to the funeral. And I'm like, huh? And I wrote him back, obviously. And I'm like, so where'd you get this idea? At a funeral? I know it was expected, but just like your wife made a post about the funeral and how drug addicts were not welcome or anyone that has done a drug in their life.

Corinne Vien (30:44)

One by one, people told Jake the same thing. They were shocked he was alive. It was as if he had risen from the dead, someone they had already mourned. Even now, he still reconnects with old acquaintances who vividly remember the day they saw the Facebook post announcing his death. He shows me a message he received just a few years ago that reads, hi Jake. My brother told me he ran into you the other day and I asked him to say hi for me, but I figured I would reach out and say it myself. I have to admit that I started writing you a message after I saw a friend request from you because previously I thought you had passed your, I'm assuming ex wife had posted that you were no longer with us. And I was upset and thought someone was using your picture and name for a profile.

Jake Handel (31:31)

This is a really real thing that she obviously posted about or like made public. Like, I don't know. Yeah.

Corinne Vien (31:42)

Jake's rose colored glasses had shattered. In time, the truth would unfold. But right now, he couldn't afford to get lost in it. His focus had to be on recovery and getting out of his marriage.

Jake Handel (31:56)

I actually grew to really like Western Mass State Hospital. I knew everyone there. I started talking. I was comfortable there.

Corinne Vien (32:08)

Dr. Levinson, the one who first noticed movement in Jake's wrist, was still working with Jake But Jake was in Western State hospital, which was two hours away from Massachusetts General Hospital, which is where Dr. Levinson works.

Jake Handel (32:21)

I would see him every three months, him and Dr. Vanna, my neurologist, because the trip was so long, and I'd have to be taken by stretcher with a nurse and, like, it was just, like, a huge trip to make for an appointment.

Corinne Vien (32:41)

Dr. Levinson wanted more regular updates on Jake's recovery.

Jake Handel (32:44)

The reason I started a YouTube channel. I couldn't send Steven Levinson and my care team in Boston videos of my recovery because the files were too big through text or email. I was like, well, I could, like, upload it to YouTube, create a link and share, and no one's gonna, like, see it. I had, like, 25 YouTube followers, and they were all documented MGH. And it got to the point where they're like, you don't even need to send us a link. Upload it. We'll see.

Corinne Vien (33:23)

And this is how everyone stayed in the loop for a while. But it just wasn't working. So Dr. Levinson asked to schedule a call with Jake.

Jake Handel (33:30)

He's like, you need about 20 different consults, and bringing you out here for 20 different appointments doesn't make sense. You know, no one ever thought this would happen, but you've outgrown the therapy capabilities of Western Mass Hospital. He was like, they've done an excellent job, but it's time to get back into Spalding. And I'm like. I'm like, I thought. I thought, you only get one shot at Spalding. And I said that to him on the face call. And he's like, typically, yes, but there are extreme circumstances where we can justify a second invasion stay. And he's like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna advocate for that, but you need to come back. He's like, I'm gonna have you live in Miss General for a while. I'm super excited to go back. Hopefully the same staff is there, because I can't wait to actually talk to him, you know? And, yeah, I was like, sadly, with some s. Because I got a lot of friends. My therapists were really amazing. But, like, everything in life, especially in the medical world, everything takes time. And June passed by. It's July. I'm kind of, like, eager to know what's going on. And I remember my therapy team was like, it's all good. Like, you're gonna keep getting better here. So I stopped even thinking about it. And then it was July 24, 4:00 in the afternoon. Levinson, Jake, I have A ambulance transferring you by stretcher. 8, 10 tomorrow morning. Get packed up. I'm like, damn. No, no. Just, you know, out of the blue. That's just how it goes.

Corinne Vien (35:33)

Jake transfers and is admitted to mgh. This is where he'll stay until he's admitted to Tewksbury State Hospital, which is where he'll live while receiving outpatient care from Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital.

Jake Handel (35:45)

Western Mass State Hospital is calling me and telling me. And then Eli, who's now become, like, helping me manage everything, being like, ye, yeah, we haven't received a single payment check in 15 months of you being here. And he owes like, like $20,000. We're like, oh, shit.

Corinne Vien (36:16)

As healthcare proxy, Ellen had been receiving and handling all of the money. Now, Jake owed a lot of money, and the checks coming in through insurance were not accessible to him. And those checks never made it into the hospital.

Jake Handel (36:29)

She's unwilling to sign anything, communicate. And Eli tried texting with her. Oh, I have that text. Cool, calm, collective. Eli writes out this thoughtful, rational text. Immediate response from her just being like, like, not fuck you, but like, pretty much close to that. You know, it's like, well, so much for rational. So I was like, telling Levinson we need a lawyer because she's unwilling to communicate. This should be my payment. And this payment is owed to hospitals. Levinson's like, okay, there's this organization called justice bridge.

Corinne Vien (37:18)

And Dr. Levinson connects Jake with a social worker who helps him get in contact with Justice Bridge. About three months after the request was put in, Jake is connected with an attorney, Amy Clifford.

Justice Bridge Attorney (37:31)

My name is Amy Clifford, and I've had a law office, Clifford law office, since 2019. But when I became a lawyer, I joined an incubator called Justice Bridge. And Justice Bridge connected new attorneys like me to low and moderate income individuals who are looking for legal representation. We provide that representation at reduced fee, and we, as new attorneys, are able to provide that representation in an area we otherwise wouldn't be able to because we had a stable of 72 retired judges and experienced practitioners. So anytime we just came upon something that we thought was interesting and we could help out with, we were able to take that case because we had a team of experienced practitioners to rely on.

Corinne Vien (38:19)

Amy was brought in to help Jake change his Social Security payee. A challenge since he had no id, no belongings, and limited speech. Ensuring he could consent and prove that he was of sound mind added yet another layer of complication. And at this point in time, Jake was receiving care from Tewksbury State Hospital. Just another hospital to add to his list of residencies.

Justice Bridge Attorney (38:41)

The rep payee for Social Security was Ellen and I believe that she would not agree to sign to change that. And so the net result was that I believe she was holding on to the Social Security payments. And so Tewksbury Hospital wasn't getting like their portion of that that they should. And it required me going in person to Tewksbury Hospital. It was late in the evening. It might have been like snowing or raining at the time. It was dark. Jake didn't really have all the documentation, so he was just really stuck between a rock and a hard place and couldn't get anything. So I was like super happy to be involved in the solution there to, to establish a durable power of attorney so that like we could start getting things in order for himself.

Corinne Vien (39:30)

Amy questioned both Jake and Eli to confirm competence and then got all of the documents signed and notarized.

Justice Bridge Attorney (39:36)

I felt really good. I was able to help somebody out and you know, went on my very way. And then Jake retained me to represent him in his divorce. You know, I'm always a romantic at heart, so I was like, I was like, are you sure you want to get a divorce? And you know, and Jake had a very reasonable position which is that like, yes, I want to get a divorce.

Corinne Vien (40:02)

Jake's request in the divorce seemed simple. He just wanted three things. But that third thing turned what should have been a straightforward case into something far more unusual.

Jake Handel (40:16)

The first request, my personal belongings, mainly my mother's stuff.

Corinne Vien (40:22)

The second item on his list, he wanted some photographs. And finally the third request, my sperm.

Jake Handel (40:32)

Which was taken from me during Locked in Syndrome Foreign.

Corinne Vien (41:12)

Thank you for listening to Blink. This podcast is hosted and produced by me, Corinne Vien, alongside my co creator and survivor, Jake Handle. Our original music is composed by the brilliant and talented Michael Margay. We're so grateful for your support. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, reviewing and sharing this story with others. For additional resources, updates and behind the scenes content, visit our website blank the podcast.com Blink will return with a new episode April 6th.