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- [00:00]
Corinne Vien
Blink is intended for mature audiences as it discusses topics that can be upsetting, such as drug use, sexual assault, and emotional and physical violence. And in this particular episode, there's discussion around rape, consent, and pregnancy loss. Content warnings for each episode are included in the Show Notes. Resources for drug addiction and domestic abuse can be found in the Show Notes and on our website. Please blinkthepodcast.com the testimonies and opinions expressed by guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself or affiliates of this podcast. We've all been left on a massive cliffhanger. Jake had three requests in his divorce, and in this episode we're focusing on that third request. Jake wanted his sperm back, sperm that was supposedly taken while he was locked in, completely unable to move or speak or consent. And if you're thinking wait, what good you should be, because what the fuck? Throughout Jake's years in hospitals, he's done an incredible job piecing together his timeline both from his own memory and also from his medical records. But when compressed into a few podcast episodes, that timeline can get quite confusing. So here's a quick recap. Jake was diagnosed with acute toxic progressive leukoencephalopathy in May of 2017 at Massachusetts General Hospital in MGH. He was later transferred to Faron Rehabilitation Hospital, then to a nursing home, Parsons Hill, where he took a fall and then was sent to UMass Memorial briefly and then back to MGH, which is where all of this began. He spent time shuffling back and forth from MGH to Spalding Rehabilitation Hospital, which was quite necessary to receive the adequate care needed for his extreme condition and frankly, his should have been deadly complications. And then he moved into hospice where he did not die. He was brought back to MGH and this is where Dr. Levinson noticed movement in Jake's wrist, discovering that Jake was locked in. And this is also the place where Jake was first able to communicate by eye blink. He was then transferred to Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital, this time for his first inpatient stay, and then Ellen bought a house and moved him to Western Massachusetts Hospital. But then his main doctor back at MGH had him transferred back to MGH temporarily until settling at Tewkesbury State Hospital, where he lived while receiving outpatient care at Spaulding. Okay, long story short, Jake was constantly shuffled between hospitals and this certainly made it much more difficult for family to try to track him down. And I want to say once more, this episode contains sensitive content, including discussions of consent, marital rape, and Jake's growing acceptance of the reality of what he endured. We're starting with Jake's second stay at mgh. This was after Parsons Hill and before he moved to hospice. Jake is already in this pseudo coma, locked in, and doctors are questioning whether he has any meaningful consciousness. It's the winter of 2017.
- [04:03]
Jake Handle
Every little thing was extremely painful, frustrating, itchy, scratchy, sensitive. Ugh. Yes, fully aware of all pain. Quality of life was not good. All I really wanted to do is be able to say a few words to the people I loved. And that would have been good enough. And I was kind of ready.
- [04:33]
Corinne Vien
Jake was preparing to die, hearing a doctor tell his wife it was time. Something that he'd hear over and over again over the coming months.
- [04:44]
Jake Handle
Mrs. Handle, your husband will not make it. Best Christmas. Now I can't see. I can just hear people. And I have a sense of where people are around my bed, in the room. And I hear, okay, I think I would like to get a sample. You know, it's funny, all these other medical professionals at first had no idea what she was talking about. I knew exactly what she was talking about. And they were like, what do you, man? What do you. What do you mean? She's like, well, we gotta lose one of the kids before he dies. I want to get a sample so one day I can have his kids. And they're like, oh, no, no, no, he can't do that. And we'll tell you why. Two reasons. Number one, he's non responsive. He's in a coma, and we don't know if that's what he would want. You can't do that. In number two, the simple act might kill him in his condition right now.
- [05:56]
Corinne Vien
Jake's body was highly sensitive and doing something like this could trigger another autonomic storm or worse.
- [06:04]
Jake Handle
And she just goes, how dare you tell me what I will or will not do with my fucking husband. If you don't like it or you don't want to watch, get the fuck out. I feel her going to town on me. Right in front of all of them, I assume. I mean, from what I felt, she was definitely jerking me off. Now, was it under the blankets or was it wide out in the open? I don't know. I'm not certain. My feeling is it was right out in the open and I remember hearing footsteps backing up to the door. Not much was said. I think everyone was kind of like shocked what was happening. And no one knew what to do, you know? First of all, it felt so. It felt wild. I was having intense spasms from. I mean, you can imagine if a breeze of someone walking by you is burning your skin and ultra hypersensitive what, what this would feel like. And it was like really, really intense. And I'm spasming and I feel muscles everywhere in my body, from my toes up to the hairs on my head contracting and freaking out. And it felt good and painful all at the same time. I remember hearing charge nurse saying, oh, hell no. Hell no, this is rape. This is not okay. And you know, I don't really know the other talkings of what was happening in the moment.
- [08:03]
Corinne Vien
I was aghast. When Jake first told me this, I found it difficult to believe that she'd attempt that so brazenly out in the open. And that doubt is something I'm sure many survivors come face to face with often.
- [08:18]
Jake Handle
You know, for the record, when I was diagnosed, because we did have two miscarriages and we did want kids and my grandmother, my dad's mother, on her deathbed, I went down to Texas to say my goodbyes. And about two weeks, 10 days, something before she died, standing beside her bed, she took my hand and she said, keep the family name alive. You're the last one. So I'm like the last handle. So that always like kind of held weight with me. And I was like, I'd better have a son or else. The handle name ceased to exist. And I told my wife that. And right around when I was diagnosed, she got mad, left, came back. Within that first month, we had one or two conversations about the idea of, well, I still kind of could talk and function. Freezing a sample anyway, that was not revisited until this moment. There's a lot of other complex issues and reasons why I was kind of would be willing to do anything. I guess what I'm trying to say is in that moment, if I could have spoke and my wife was doing this at that point, anything she said would have, would have went with me. She had all the power, like, ah, whatever, you know, if she said we should put him down right now, I want to kill, I would say, yeah, like whatever she wants. I was like brainwashed, I think. Like she had a hold over me.
- [10:09]
Corinne Vien
As we can all imagine, this interview is quite difficult for Jake. I can see his mind working through the weight of his own words as he says them out loud, trying to make sense of what happened to him. It's part of his story he shared with very few people even some of his closest friends don't know. But forgetting it is impossible. Jake often speaks at medical conferences sharing his experience. And recently, after One of these events, several nurses approached him. They said it wasn't just in one room. It wasn't just one moment. It was happening across multiple floors in different rooms. The repeated sample collection, the whispered conversations, it had sent waves of concern through the staff. We've reached out to many of these nurses and doctors who were witness to it, and initially a few agreed to talk as long as they remained anonymous and their voices altered. But then, one by one, they backed out. No one is willing to go on record. The fear of losing their jobs keeps them silent. And to be clear, Jake holds no resentment towards the hospital or its staff. This was unchartered territory for them, too. Everyone was scrambling, trying to understand what was ethical, what was right, what was the protocol? And when there is no protocol, what happens to the person who tries to stop it?
- [11:37]
Jake Handle
I can hear this nurse freaking out in the hallway. My wife is just going to town. I mean, I hear my heart machine going off. I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack. I mean, I always kind of felt like I was having a heart attack, but that's really pushed me into high gear. You know, if I was a car, I was redlining for sure. I started having these thoughts of backs when we initially talked about freezing a sample. And then it went immediately to wait, do I actually want this? Because then what started happening was I started thinking about, well, wonder if I die. And I don't know if she has a kid or if she does, will she even tell the kid about me or give him my last name or what? And I started having all these thoughts and then realizing, like, this should have really been thought out in a more careful way, and I don't know what I want. And very quickly went through all these emotions. Next thing I know, came, didn't die. I assume it went into a urinal specimen cup. Now, why do I assume this? Because I had to go somewhere, and that's in the hospital room. So I don't know. But I had a feeling. And without saying a word, she scurried out of the room. And two nurses come in to clean me up, I guess. I don't know, check on me, make sure I'm still alive. They start talking to each other. I can't believe that just happened. That's rape. This is so wrong. And one says, what a dumb bitch. She thinks she can run this at Boston Cryogenics and that will work. It doesn't work this way. And I'm kind of like, oh, that's where it's going, you know?
- [14:01]
Corinne Vien
Jake had conflicting feelings about what had happened to him. This was his wife. She loved him. She cared for him better than anyone could. They'd endured two pregnancy losses together, and they had hoped to create a family together. Still, sex was a part of marriage, right? He couldn't consent. But did that matter if they were married?
- [14:23]
Jake Handle
It's my wife. You know, I had a conversation with someone about this, and this was like, back when I didn't think it was as bad as it was. And someone said to me, well, can you imagine if this was a woman in the hospital bed and you did this? And yeah, I mean, as soon as I heard that, I'm like, well, that definitely wouldn't fly. No way. Cops SWAT team, like, they'd shoot you, bro. Why is that different? Man versus woman. It should be the same. And like, that's when I realized when someone phrased it to me. Can you imagine if this was reverse roles, different sexes, and you did this to your wife? Yeah. I was like, yeah, definitely.
- [15:15]
Daron Handle
Rape.
- [15:15]
Jake Handle
You know, regardless of marital status, consent.
- [15:21]
Corinne Vien
Is no longer a quiet conversation. Movements like MeToo, Time's up, and Take Back the Night have forced society to re examine what consent truly means and how to create safer spaces for everyone. Everyone. But while we've made progress, the reality is unsettling. Marital rape wasn't outlawed in all 50 US states until 1993. Before then, the law operated under the assumption that a husband could not rape his wife, a chilling reminder of just how deeply flawed our understanding of consent has been. And historically, discussions around rape have centered on male perpetrators and female victims, reinforcing a limited and often harmful narrative. But the reality is broader. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource center, one in five women in the US Experience attempted or completed rape in their lifetime, over half by an intimate partner. Yet what many don't realize is that one in four men also experience some form of contact sexual violence. Men make up an estimated 10 to 15% of adult sex sexual assault victims, though experts believe the number is much higher due to chronic underreporting. And these are just the statistics. For those who identify as male or female, numbers are grossly higher. For those who don't identify as cisgender. The stigma surrounding male rape is finally beginning to crack. More men are stepping forward, and pop culture is beginning to reflect this reality. Take Baby Reindeer, a recent example that sheds light on male victimhood in ways rarely explored. As our conversations around consent evolve, so too must our understanding of who needs protection, who needs to be believed, and how we can reshape the narratives that we've long accepted as truths.
- [17:14]
Jake Handle
Again, hard to gauge time, but what felt like two to four hours, she came back and said, everyone up now. Viable. Have to do it again. Again. Nursing was, like, freaking out. They were complaining to doctors. I could hear to this. And this kept going on for what I say felt like 17 days, a few times a day. And it got to the point where my wife. I remember this, she complained that nursing kept coming in the room and we needed our privacy. And she wanted a sign to go on the door. I do not deserve. Even if heart monitors going off when this was happening. I think the logic was like, he's gonna die by Christmas anyway. I gotta get. I need this. I need the semen, man. Like, before it dies. I need it. I need it. I'm thinking of, like a Dave Chappelle skit. Like, I need it, man. My crack. I need that shit.
- [18:31]
Corinne Vien
The truest thing about Jake is that he can go through some of the worst things humanly possible and still crack a joke about it. Okay, so we're all asking the same question, right? How was this able to continue to happen? It's one thing for this to happen on one singular occasion in the hospital with shocked hospital staff bumbling around, trying to figure out what to do, but multiple times.
- [18:57]
Jake Handle
I now know it was a very big deal in Mass General. I mean, mgh, lawyers, ethics committee, doctors were all involved, apparently. Now, my wife is a very convincing individual, and I'm sure she, you know, explained that this is what I wanted.
- [19:23]
Corinne Vien
I just don't understand how the decision making takes so long that something like this could potentially continue for multiple days, potentially weeks. And whether they deem it ethical or not, wouldn't you ensure his safety before a decision is made?
- [19:39]
Jake Handle
And this happened on multiple units. So newer ICU, the place you go to after the ICU, which is like two floors above, and launder building, Phillips House in Ellison 22. This happened like, multiple units because I was being moved around a lot. So multiple nursing units were, like, up in arms, freaking out. I actually went back to do a talk at mgh and I kind of, like, alluded to this situation. And they're like. They're like, oh, yeah, we remember that one that happened here, too. I'm like, oh, I had no idea. So, yeah, I was being jerked off all over the hospital. I know it's like I should be laughing, but it's just like, this is like, part of the way I've got through this whole thing too, is with humor and, like, it's just so extreme that. Yeah, to answer your question, how do I go on for so long? Head nurses, charge nurses brought this up the ladder. I remember the ethics committee and lawyers coming in the room and hovering over my face and being like, Mr. Handel, can you. Can you tell us if this is what you want? You know, I'm like, fucking frozen, locked in. So I knew it was a big deal because of this. And I'm gonna say something without being able to fact check it and know it's real. But I do believe I remember a time where it was like these nurses that were really erased by this. The MGH ethics committee, few doctors, all in the room, and her telling them, like, no, like, this is what we want. He always wanted Kit really, really, really convincing everyone. And she. She did. She had them, you know, for lack of a better word, eating out of her palm. You know, she's convincing. She really. She's really good, you know, at that.
- [21:55]
Corinne Vien
I had high hopes of securing an interview regarding MGH's specific response to this situation. What were the protocols? Did Jake's case change anything? Had they encountered a situation like this before? And if it happens again, are they prepared? And I don't have an update on this for you yet, but there's still time, and my hopes are still high. There's also another interview that I was not able to secure either. The cryobank, which stored Jake's sperm. Because I certainly was not aware that you could just show up with a cup of sperm and have them freeze it for you. So I was hoping to hear, how did this happen? It's a question we unfortunately still don't have the answer to. But I do want to add some more context to this whole situation. Jake recalls Ellen being incredibly convincing, which bought her time to collect as many samples as she needed. But there was someone else backing her up as well. Jake's dad, Daron.
- [23:10]
Daron Handle
LM wanted Jacob's sperm for a sperm bank. And I was involved in that whole thing. Yeah, Jake would want this. The staff just did not want to believe that he was making an informed consent. I said, look, I'd be the first one to tell you when he doesn't want something. Because I could tell. I've been looking at his face since he was a little baby. So, you know, how do you know when a baby is happy or upset or whatever? You know, you can kind of tell that something's right, something's wrong. They didn't talk then, either.
- [23:51]
Corinne Vien
I asked Jeron if he was aware of all of the Dangers involved in collecting a sample that the medical professionals were very concerned about it triggering a storm or proving to be fatal. Did he realize how dangerous it was?
- [24:06]
Daron Handle
Well, dangerous for his health. I mean, he had no health at that point, so it was his last shot at reproducing, basically. So I figured, would he want that? Yes or no? Yes, probably. So she'd had two miscarriages already, and all he wanted was to have a child. So I figured, well, that's the last thing I knew that he wanted. He. He wanted to have a child. Okay, well, you want to have a child, this is what it takes. I didn't think it was ridiculous. And I paid for this sperm bank I had. I was paying for everything. I was. She wasn't working. She had no money. I think it was a cost of, like, $395 or something weird like that wasn't very. Wasn't outrageously expensive.
- [25:00]
Corinne Vien
I asked how all of this could have happened. Did they call the sperm bank ahead of time to get instructions on how to collect a viable sample?
- [25:08]
Daron Handle
Yeah, she took care of. Figuring that she had that all. Yep. That was her job.
- [25:14]
Corinne Vien
I asked if he had to sign any paperwork because he was the one providing payment.
- [25:19]
Daron Handle
Me? No. I just had to give him my credit card number, you know.
- [25:26]
Corinne Vien
I then asked Jerome if he was aware of the difficulty Jake later had to go through during the divorce to locate the exact cryobank where his sperm sample was kept and to request that it be destroyed.
- [25:38]
Daron Handle
Yeah, yeah, I. I heard something about that. Yeah. I don't know what. Why she thought it belonged to her. If anybody had claim to it as mine. I paid for it. I paid for the storage.
- [25:52]
Corinne Vien
It feels as though a perfect storm of missteps and loopholes and overlooked protocols all had to align for this to happen. Deron not only knew about the collection, but actively supported Ellen's request, assuring hospital staff that Jake would have consented and even covering the cost to store the sample. But that's where Durone's involvement ended. What happened next remained a mystery, and one that complicated Jake's divorce proceedings.
- [26:20]
Amy Clifford
She had taken his sperm when he was not able to speak for himself, and he absolutely did not want her to have a child with that sperm. So he did not want her to take the sperm and have a child. That was really important to him.
- [26:39]
Corinne Vien
Jake wanted his sperm back. Understanding how. How it had been taken without his explicit consent and what happened to it after it left that hospital room became yet another battle for him and his attorney, Amy Clifford, desperate for Answers. Jake contacted the Cryobank.
- [26:58]
Jake Handle
I called him, and I'm like, hi, I think I'm a stuff. And they're like, you know, very nonchalant name. And I'm like, at Jacob Handel. They're like, nope, nothing. And I'm like, oh, Maple syndrome. They're like, nope.
- [27:15]
Corinne Vien
Jake provides his wife's maiden name.
- [27:18]
Jake Handle
They're like, yeah. And I'm like, great, I need that destroyed. And they're like, it's not yours. I'm like, but it is mine. And they're like, no, it's hers. And I'm like, no, but it's actually my.
- [27:35]
Corinne Vien
And so began a legal back and forth to get the sample destroyed.
- [27:39]
Amy Clifford
I sort of think we might have had it in the msa, the marital.
- [27:43]
Corinne Vien
Settlement agreement, which is a legally binding contract outlining the terms of the divorce, including things like property division, Jake's property being his sperm.
- [27:52]
Amy Clifford
And I've been like, we'll just send him a copy of the msa. And then it's still. They still wouldn't do it without Allen's approval. And then I think I wrote them a cease and desist letter as an attorney. And eventually we got them. They wanted to charge money for storage, too.
- [28:08]
Corinne Vien
Hearing about the way the sperm was taken, the great lengths Jake and attorney Amy Clifford took to have it destroyed, and that there was even an attempt to charge Jake for storage, I think it's only natural to hope for some kind of justice, a moment where the wrongs are righted, where Jake finally gets the closure he deserves. But that never happened. Instead, we find ourselves right back where we started. Jake's continued recovery isn't just about rebuilding his physical body. It's also about facing the truth, coming to terms with what happened, allowing himself to see things clearly, even when the reality is far darker than the version he once clung to. And that kind of reckoning takes a different kind of strength. And before he could move forward, there was one battle he had to fight first. The divorce. Jake was already beginning to see glimpses of what lurked beneath the mask. But Amy Clifford was about to step into the lion's den, where charm was a weapon and the most dangerous predators hide in plain sight. Thank you for listening to Blank. This podcast is hosted and produced by me, Corinne Vien, alongside my co creator and survivor, Jake Handle. Our original music is composed by the brilliant and talented Michael Margay. We're so grateful for your support. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, reviewing, and sharing this story with others. For additional resources, updates, and behind the scenes content, visit our website blank the podcast.com Blink will return with a new episode next Sunday.