BNI 853: Business Matters 131 - I dropped the ball. What do I do?

Summary

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Podcast Summary: BNI & The Power of One

Episode: BNI 853: Business Matters 131 – I dropped the ball. What do I do?
Date: August 27, 2025
Host: Tim Roberts
Guest/Co-Host: Michael Martin

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Episode Overview

This episode addresses a listener’s candid and vulnerable question about what to do after having “dropped the ball” on business referrals—specifically, how to restore trust and reputation after failing to follow up. Tim Roberts and Michael Martin thoughtfully break down the emotional, practical, and reputational aspects of making mistakes in a business networking context, particularly within BNI.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Recognizing and Owning the Problem

Timestamps: 01:11–03:50

• The listener admits to having lost track of referrals, resulting in lost business and damaged relationships.
• Both hosts immediately commend the listener’s honesty and self-awareness.
  • Michael Martin: “KUDOS for having a sense of introspection... I think asking the question is probably the first step towards getting out of this funk.” (02:53)
• They highlight the importance of not letting guilt and shame overwhelm you or distort your perception of how others see you.
  • Tim Roberts: “Your perception might not be real.” (03:50)
  • It’s possible others may not be as upset as you think, or may not even remember the incident.

2. Steps to Restore Reputation

Timestamps: 03:52–08:42

• Immediate, Sincere Apology: Both recommend owning the error without excuses, directly to those affected.
  • Michael Martin: “Just go there and eat crow immediately. I am so sorry... No excuses.” (03:52)
• Apologize both to the person referred and the referral partner who made the introduction.
• Acknowledge the impact, vow to fix the process, but accept that some lost relationships may not be recoverable—and that's OK.
  • Michael Martin: “You may not get those referral partners back... There’s more of it out there.” (05:52)
• Demonstrate real changes to your process to rebuild credibility over time.
  • Tim Roberts: “Mend your reputation through being contrite and through demonstrating on an ongoing basis that when someone gives you a referral, you follow up immediately.” (05:56)

3. The Importance of Context and Delivery

Timestamps: 06:07–08:44

• Don’t use the BNI meeting itself to publicly apologize; handle it one-on-one outside the meeting.
  • Tim Roberts: “I wouldn’t do it in a BNI meeting... It’s not the time or place.” (06:07)
  • Direct communication—via email or in person—is preferable.
• In rebuilding trust, show changes through consistent action:
  • “You can build trust back by demonstrating that you are... applying that fix constantly.” (07:59)

4. Personal Story: The Power of Apology, Even After Time Has Passed

Timestamps: 08:49–10:56

• Michael shares a personal anecdote about failing to respond to an important client’s question for a year.
  • When he apologized at a trade show, the client didn’t even remember the incident.
  • The relief and closure came from the act of apologizing, not the client’s response.
    • Michael Martin: “She was like, ‘yeah, I don’t even remember any of that.’ And the sense of relief!” (10:49)
  • The lesson: “You still make the apology, no matter how long it’s been.” (10:56)
• Don’t hope people have forgotten—take the step to clear the air regardless.

5. What Not to Do

Timestamps: 11:40–11:53

• Avoid minimizing or making excuses such as, “I’m just super busy, sorry.”
  • Tim Roberts: “If you have no, like, even care that you did it, ‘I’m too busy for you,’ yeah, like, see you. Good night.” (11:53)
  • Not taking responsibility will do lasting damage to your reputation.

6. Final Encouragement

Timestamps: 11:53–12:41

• Asking for advice is itself a sign of good character and commitment to improvement.
  • “I think the fact that somebody would get onto the podcast and submit the question tells you your head's in the right place.” (11:53)
• Take accountability and share your solution, but avoid a “victim” stance.
• Rebuilding takes time and consistent action, but is completely possible.

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Memorable Quotes

• Michael Martin: “KUDOS for having a sense of introspection... asking the question is probably the first step towards getting out of this funk that you’re in.” (02:53)
• Tim Roberts: “Your perception might not be real.” (03:50)
• Michael Martin: “Just go there and eat crow immediately. I am so sorry... No excuses.” (03:52)
• Tim Roberts: “Mend your reputation through being contrite and through demonstrating on an ongoing basis that when someone gives you a referral, you follow up immediately.” (05:56)
• Michael Martin: “You can build trust back by demonstrating that you are... applying that fix constantly.” (07:59)
• Michael Martin: “She was like, ‘yeah, I don’t even remember any of that.’ And the sense of relief!” (10:49)
• Tim Roberts: “If you have no, like, even care that you did it, ‘I’m too busy for you’, yeah, like, see you. Good night.” (11:53)
• Tim Roberts: “The fact that somebody would get onto the podcast and submit the question tells you your head’s in the right place. This will all be fine. Just take that step.” (11:53)

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Essential Takeaways

• Don’t hide from mistakes. Face them head-on, apologize sincerely, and fix your process.
• Apologize directly—preferably in person—for maximum impact and authenticity.
• Avoid letting shame skew your perception or keep you stuck; most people are more forgiving (or forgetful) than you realize.
• Rebuilding trust is a process, but demonstrating improvement and accountability is key.
• The willingness to ask for help or advice is a sign of strength, not weakness.

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Transcript

[A]

Sam.

[B]

Welcome back to business matters, part of B9 Power of One. Tim Roberts with me, Michael Martin.

[A]

Good morning, everybody.

[B]

How you doing?

[A]

Doing good, doing good.

[B]

Bee harvester over here.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Some new, new business slash hobby, which I think is pretty cool.

[A]

Having fun?

[B]

Yeah. All right, diving into it. Well, you want to give our our weekly weather update?

[A]

Been cold nights, kind of cool days.

[B]

Not really super warm, coolish days, been.

[A]

In the 70s, perfect kind of weather, but going back into the low 80s, which I think is nice. It's still summertime. We still got another month of summer.

[B]

Yeah, I hate that, like when. Autumn when I. I love fall more than anything, but it's like too early for like get me through Labor Day. Come on now. Yeah, before it gets like super cold. All right. We do have a question that came in. It's B and I related, but business related and asked for us to keep it anonymous, which is not a problem. I've said that before. If you don't want us to identify you, it's not a problem at all. It says, here's my question. I've been a member of BNI for five years. To help me grow my business profoundly and almost too much. I was not able to process some of the referrals in a timely way. I've lost business that was referred to me. How do I go about restoring my reputation after it's been damaged? I have hired new people, but it was too late. Every time I go to bni, I feel guilty, ashamed. Have you seen this? And what can I do? I love BNI and I hate that I failed so badly for a time. So first of all, great question and, and kudos for asking it. I mean, it's much self awareness there. I think a lot of times when people find them in these types of situations, they tend to be like in denial about it. And so to identify it and to ask I think says a lot. And I think it ties to the conversations we've had previously. Right. About what do you do when you're a solopreneur or whatever. And, and it's working like, and then what kind of things this falls into. What could happen without some prior proper planning. That sounds like problem number one is they didn't plan for the growth early, but now that they have, they feel like they've hurt themselves. So.

[A]

Yeah. And, and you know, they probably feeling guilty because they've hurt their referral partners. They've hurt, you know, the people, you know, the, the potential clients. Possibly. Yep.

[B]

So.

[A]

But first of all, I want to say KUDOS for having a sense of introspection that lets you kind of say, you know what? I didn't do this. Right. And I feel really bad about it. And I think asking the question is probably the first step towards getting out of this funk that you're in, because I know it can be like, consuming of your mind. Like, I let people down and then you're like, I can't even go there and approach them and I'm going to be so embarrassed and they don't want to see me. And you start kind of going down this rabbit hole of emotion. So good on you for kind of recognizing that, you know, hey, I, I didn't execute the way I really had hoped to. And that is an important key. And then the next part is being sure that your view of what other people may think of you is accurate.

[B]

Right. Your perception might not be real.

[A]

So if, yeah, if your perception is that people don't like you because you didn't make a phone call or whatever, they may not have given it a second thought. I'm assuming you, you, by the way you've written it, that, you know, you have some information to people, like, hey, you know, you didn't call the referral and, you know, what are you doing? And I think the only way to really fix it if you feel like your reputation is damaged, is just go there and eat crow immediately. I am so sorry a to the person I didn't call you like I was supposed to. No excuses. I, I, I'm really sorry and I hope you know, I can, I can mend fences with you and move on. I think just an act, a simple act of contrition like that, and being sincere about it goes a long way. And I also think if someone gave you that referral, you need to go to them and say, hey, I'm really sorry that I didn't follow up and I'm going to work really hard. You may not give me any in the future, and that's okay. But I just want you to know I'm working really hard and I put things in place that help me actually react when I get a referral. So just sorry that, you know, I let you down because, you know, sometimes you and I have been in the position where we've given a referral and that person never followed up. And that's also a reflection on us, right? Especially if you're, if there's three people involved and you're telling the person, hey, I got somebody that can, that would really help you, and they're like, oh, great, you know, I'm relying on you, Tim. Or I'm relying on you, Mike. Thank you so much. And then you go and give a referral partner, like, oh, yeah, I'll follow up. And then they don't. And the other person's like, it's not that person who didn't have a connection. They don't know who that person is. It's just reflected on you and me. So I think you have to just kind of apologize all around and just be done and then move on. Be very careful that you don't get stuck in it. You may not get those referral partners back. You may not get that referred client business back. That's okay. There's more of it out there, right?

[B]

There's nothing you can do about the past. Like, you can't fix what happened, but.

[A]

Mend your reputation through being contrite and through demonstrating on an ongoing basis that when someone gives you a referral, you follow up immediately.

[B]

So I like the idea. And my, my advice would be to, to apologize and own it. Like you said, eat the crow. I would do it to the whole group. I wouldn't do it in a BNI meeting. Let me just put it that way. I wouldn't take my weekly presentation and get up and do the what was me or anything like that. Not, not the time or place. But. And this is my. One of my pet peeves of BNI in general is a lot of times people wait to communicate at a BNI meeting and it's like, why don't you. There's email. You could, there's ways to communicate to your chapter members outside of the BNI meeting. You don't have to do it publicly. It's like the same thing when people, when they decide they, they need to leave BNI for whatever reason and they like, go to the meeting to publicly say goodbye. And it's like, you just hurt everybody in the room. Like, just do it in an email and don't show up. Like, so much better. You just brought a negative, like, want moment to a meeting. Yeah, but I would eat the crow. I would explain, you know, and I think that goes a long ways because especially in bni, if you are in denial or you don't do that, you do run the risk of negative word of mouth marketing happening pretty quickly, right? People, you know, somebody might complain that you didn't follow up, but they're not complaining to you. They're complaining to their friend. Now their friend's looking at it like, well, do I want to do that. And so to have the, you know, to lack the ego and put the ego aside and own it and, but also in owning it. Explain how you fixed it going forward. Right. Like, hey, listen, things were getting crazy busy, all thanks to bni. I wasn't prepared to handle it, and because of that, I dropped the ball. And I feel awful about it. But here's what I've done to fix that, to ensure that that doesn't happen again. And I'm going to do everything in my power to make it right and blah, blah, blah. And then, like you said, move forward. Just, yeah, you've done what you've done. Maybe that person, you know, one member might be like, whatever, I'm never referring, move on. You still get the rest of your chapter. You'll be fine.

[A]

Yeah. And, but again, you know, you'll, you can build trust back by demonstrating that you are, if you've applied a fix to a situation that you keep applying that fix constantly.

[B]

And in bni, there's a chance to showcase that. Right. You, you help somebody else, they give a testimonial that comes around, people start hearing like, oh, know, Mike really did fix that problem. So we're good. It'll build back up.

[A]

Yeah. But I think, I think, you know, sometimes the elephant in the room is that, you know, just apologize right out of the gate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sorry I let you down.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

You know, and that tends to take everyone else's anger, upsetness, defensiveness right down to almost nothing.

[B]

Yeah. It's a simple apology, goes a long way.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. You know, as long as you're sincere. But I, I, I wouldn't do it in an email. I would do it in person.

[B]

To the individual. To the individual, definitely.

[A]

Yes. I, I have a personal story about it. And this is why I saying, like, you gotta read the room. Like, one time when I was a junior executive, I had a very big client who called me and emailed me with a question that I promised I'd follow up on. And that thing just, and I didn't really know how to handle it. And I was too young to kind of acknowledge that I didn't know how to handle it. And I didn't want to ask other people because what were they going to think of me if I asked how to handle this situation? And that email just sat there in the inbox and it was getting lower and lower and lower as it got older and older and older, but it was always there and it was always my mind. And then I get to the point where I'm Like, I can't even call back when I have an answer because I'm embarrassed that it took so long. And a year later, after the inquiry, I met a trade show and I see the person and I go up and. And it was like. She was just like, hey, how's it going? I haven't seen you in so long and all that. And I had this look on my face like I was dreading the whole thing. And I just said, you know, I said, I want to apologize because you sent me an email and you left me a message and I, you know, I never got back to you, and I just. I've been feeling terrible and I didn't really know how to respond. And I thought, you hate me and all this stuff. And she was like, yeah, I don't even remember any of that. And the sense of relief. So it's like, you know, read the room, right? Do the apology and then you might get that answer. Yeah, I don't remember that. It's okay. It's fine. You know, like, everybody gets busy. I wasn't expecting, you know, anything, and I had other things to do. And she was a clear example. She just moved on. Okay. I didn't answer her question, and she just moved on with her business life and that, you know, and it may have been. It was to my detriment or my brand's detriment because I didn't follow up, but, you know, I just, I felt terrible. And it had gone on for so long, I was like, how could I even call? And then I saw her and I was like, I gotta chase her down in the hallway of this trade show and be like, I'm really sorry.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You didn't even remember.

[B]

Yeah. So I think there's part to that, but hoping that that's the case is not a good. Right, right.

[A]

But I'm saying. But the point is, you still make the apology no matter how long it's been. So I don't know how long it's been that this person has kind of been feeling this way or going through it. I don't know if they indicated in their email.

[B]

No, but the email, I did move this one up because of sensitivity of the timing of it. You know, sometimes I get. I get a lot of questions that come in and a lot of them are repeat or whatever, which is fine. But sometimes things come in. You're like, oh, my God, that's like, we gotta answer that.

[A]

Yeah. No, the topic wise, it's always good. But I'm saying, you know, this could have been going on for a year, right? We don't know that. And I'm saying, like, I went a year before I actually went and did it. And it was a great relief when I did it. But, you know, you still have to do it. That was my point. I could have never done it and just blown it off. But I was like, nah, I gotta apologize.

[B]

Unfortunately, that part, that second part does happen in bni. See that all the time, where people would be like, this will happen and they'll just have an excuse for it or blow it off. Be like, listen, I'm just super busy. Sorry. And it's like, that will damage.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your reput. Like, if you have no, like, even care that you did it, I'm too busy for you. Yeah, like, see you. Good night. But if you. I, I think the fact that somebody would get onto the podcast and submit the question tells you your head's in the right place. Like, this will all be fine. Just take that step. You're feeling it. Share that you're feeling it. Don't do it as a victim. You're not a victim. But identify that you did it, identify your solution, and then you'll just. It'll rebuild and it'll be perfectly fine. So, yeah, great question, great question. And as always, we'd love to hear from you on any business topic of any kind. Have to be BNI related. This one was. But you can go to bnipowerofone.com leave it there, let us know any kind of business challenge you might be facing. Trust me, we've been there. And Mike, we'll catch up soon.

[A]

Sounds good. Bye, everybody.