Summary5 min read

Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: BNI & The Power of One
Episode: BNI 863: Is My Fellow Member Telling Others I Have No Value?
Host: Tim Roberts
Date: October 27, 2025
Main Theme: Addressing the perceived slight when BNI members claim they "do not advertise," especially when advertising professionals are present, and how to respond effectively as a BNI member seeking referrals and relationships.

Episode Overview

In this episode, Tim Roberts tackles a sensitive and recurring question from a seasoned BNI member in the print advertising category: Are members who claim "we do not advertise" during their presentations really sending the message that advertising professionals provide no value? Tim explores the intent behind such statements, how to handle feeling undervalued, and the importance of constructive communication in BNI chapters.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Listener’s Concern ([01:01])

Situation: A long-standing print advertiser (13 years in BNI) is troubled by fellow chapter members (e.g., roofing and HVAC businesses) who repeatedly declare in their featured presentations that they “do not advertise” and are “word-of-mouth only.”
Perceived Issue: The listener feels this may be a slight against advertising professionals, casting doubt on the value of that category within BNI and creating discomfort about being referable.

2. Tim Roberts' Response and Reframing ([02:45])

Not a Personal Attack:

“I don’t think when they say that, that they’re trying to say that advertising doesn’t work or there isn’t value in advertising.”
— Tim Roberts, [02:45]
Intent Behind "We Don’t Advertise":
- Likely meant to highlight that their business has grown through referral and reputation.
- Attempt to elevate their credibility by emphasizing client satisfaction and organic growth, not to belittle advertising.
- When referencing “advertising,” most mean paid placements (TV, radio, billboards), not all forms of promotion.
Practical Contradictions:
- These members do engage in advertising-like behaviors (websites, branded T-shirts, vehicle wraps, BNI membership itself).

3. Understanding Communication and Avoiding Conflict ([06:55])

Approaching One-to-Ones:

“If your approach has been to go to them and say I want a one to one… to understand why you think it’s important to say you don’t advertise…that’s why you’re not getting the one to one because again it sounds…a little dramatic and confrontational potentially, and people will avoid conflict.”
— Tim Roberts, [07:10]
Advice:
- Suggest approaching one-to-ones with curiosity and helpful intent (“how can I get you more referrals?”) rather than confronting or expressing hurt.
- Present the concern non-dramatically during the natural course of a one-to-one, if needed.

4. Broad Lessons on Advertising and Perception ([12:50])

Advertising is Nuanced:

“Advertising’s such a vague, broad spectrum of things…but also because that again is just not their intent. I wholly believe that’s not their intent.”
— Tim Roberts, [13:20]
Host’s Own Example:
- BNI’s growth was primarily through word of mouth, but that doesn’t mean advertising isn’t valuable.
- Even BNI sometimes sponsors events, which is also a form of advertising.
Words vs. Intent:
- Just because someone says “we don’t advertise” doesn’t mean they belittle advertising; it’s often meant to reflect pride in word-of-mouth success.

5. Emotional Impact and Professional Self-Management ([15:30])

Empathy & Perspective:

“Take a step back…do you really think their intent was to say you weren’t valuable? …I don’t believe that. I don’t think their intent was that at all.”
— Tim Roberts, [15:32]
Managing Emotions:
- The risk of letting negative assumptions and emotions fester—could impact relationships and energy in meetings.
- Encourage positivity and refocusing on collaborative goals.

6. Constructive Next Steps ([18:20])

Effective One-to-Ones:

“Ask for one to ones for the true intent of one to one. I want to know how I can find you more referrals. That’s it. If you tell people like I’d love to do a one to one so I can learn how to find you even more referrals, not too many people are going to be too busy for that.”
— Tim Roberts, [18:23]
Closing Encouragement:
- Be patient, empathetic, and collaborative.
- Understand that value is not being denied by others but can be affected by one’s own approach and mindset.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“I get not selling to the room but how can I trust someone who does state they do not believe I provide value and refer me?” — Listener submission, [01:30]
“If you let your emotions around it kind of take over a little bit, you could be hurting yourself with other members… based on again, approach.” — Tim Roberts, [16:35]
“I think avoiding tough conversations is a mistake… it festers things and it becomes a much bigger issue than it's ever supposed to be or ever probably would have been.” — Tim Roberts, [14:40]
“We want to do one to one so I can learn about their business, how can I help them, how can I get more referrals for them and vice versa. And go through the normal one to one with the normal intent.” — Tim Roberts, [08:30]
“There’s significant value in advertising. What we talk about is we preach and teach word of mouth marketing and that’s what we’re doing and that’s how we’ve been able to grow.” — Tim Roberts, [12:15]

Timestamps for Key Segments

[01:01] Listener’s concern about advertising being dismissed
[02:45] Tim’s initial assessment—intent and context of “we don’t advertise”
[06:55] One-to-one meetings: effective vs. confrontational approaches
[12:50] Nuances of advertising and BNI’s own practices
[15:30] Emotional impact & self-management advice
[18:20] Practical steps for moving forward: reframing and outreach

Summary Takeaways

Don’t assume negative intent when members say “we don’t advertise”; it’s usually meant to spotlight word-of-mouth success, not to reject the value of advertising.
If you’re feeling undervalued, reconsider your approach: focus on learning and helping rather than confrontation.
Advertising occurs in many forms—many who claim not to advertise actually do in subtle ways.
Keep discussions positive, collaborative, and focused on mutual support; this fosters referrals and trust.
Managing your own perspective and approach can avoid misunderstandings and preserve chapter harmony.

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Transcript1 lines

[00:00]
A
Sam Foreign welcome back to BNI in the Power of One. Happy Monday morning to everybody. Hopefully the beginning of a very profitable and exciting week for all. We are back with your show Submissions Topics submitted at BNI Power of One and these continue to come in. I appreciate everybody who does it. If you ever have a question topic, go there and leave it. If you're finding value out of this, I hope you're sharing it with other members. That's my only request so we can get more members in. Make sure you subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Leave a review, do all the things, you know, all the things between YouTube and podcasts you listen to. It's all the same stuff but it does matter and it does help. You know, for me this isn't about advertising or any of that kind of stuff and you know, trying to grow a show to for financial purposes. But it's always been about how do we make the biggest impact and the only way to make the bigger impact with something like this is more people hear it and that's going to come better from you. So I appreciate everybody who continues to share it. Today's question says Tim, please keep my name confidential. Which is absolutely not a problem. I have the print advertising category for B and I. I have been in B and I for 13 years and now have seen a few home improvement members put in their featured presentation that they do not advertise as defined by them. The first company that did this was a roofing company in a chapter in a different area a couple years ago. Then I had an H Vac chapter join my chapter. The same company put a second employee in our chapter for plumbing. They both put in their feature presentation three times. We do not advertise. We are a word of mouth business only. I think it's this is a bad idea to state you don't advertise to BNI members with advertising in their BNI category. I get not selling to the room but how can I trust someone who does state they do not believe I provide value and refer me. Both companies have websites branded T shirts join BNI wrapped vehicles. I would define that as advertising. I have requested one to ones with these members of my chapter on why they think it's important to state they don't advertise during the feature presentation if I'm still and if I'm still referable but they've been too busy to meet with me. Okay, so I think just from reading this that you're overreacting a little bit. I don't think when they say that, that they're trying to say that advertising doesn't work or that there isn't value in advertising. And as you've mentioned, they are doing some types of advertising, we all do. My belief just from history of seeing these is what they're trying to do is elevate their value, saying that look, we do such a good job that we don't pay for advertising. We're completely word of mouth because our clients enjoy what like really believe in what we're doing and we've been able to grow our business through the value that we offer in the marketplace that we haven't had to quote unquote, advertise. And when they're saying that they're talking about, you know, paid advertising like a TV commercial, a radio commercial, a billboard, things like that. I don't think it's a personal, I, I have a hard time believing anyways just that they're personally trying to state that we don't use companies like yours, we don't need you, you don't provide value, etc. I think that what they're trying to say is that they, they don't need to do that because they're so successful and so well valued and have such good credibility whatever in the community based on all the years of what they've been doing. So I don't think it's a personal slight. However I can understand, you know, that you're sitting there, what you're thinking and feeling on that. So I do think you want to have a conversation with them. Now the second part is if your approach has been to go to them and say I want a one to one with you to understand why you think it's important that to say you don't advertise and I want to know if I'm still referable and everything else is why you're not getting the one to one because again it sounds, and this is going to also sound bad, I don't mean it, but it sounds a little dramatic and confrontational potentially and people will avoid conflict. So if their perception is oh this person's coming to me to a one to one to complain to me and tell me I'm blah blah, like they're going to avoid that. What you want to do is what you would do with any member and if you've been a member for 13 years, you know this, right? We want to do one to one so I can learn about their business, how can I help them, how can I get more referrals for them and Vice versa. And go through the normal one to one with the normal intent. Now in that one to one, you can say, you know, I've heard you guys say a few times you don't advertise, but there are some things that you're doing that fit kind of in my category. And you know, you can share and be like, it's been a little, you could, I would do it. Not a dramatic, not a threatening, not a blaming way, but just a, you know, it's been a little tough for me to hear that as a fellow member because I do advertising and I, I hope members aren't thinking you're saying that advertising doesn't have value because they'll probably be like, no, that wasn't my intent. My intent was this. And you just have a good conversation about it. You've seen it happen across multiple chapters in multiple states. I've seen it happen all the time in chapters all over the country. Because again, I don't think the intent is to say advertising doesn't have value. The intent is to say we're so good and may not even be effective, but it's just to say, like, we've been able to grow our business completely on word of mouth based on the fact that we do such a great job. That's what they're trying to articulate and get people to understand that they've built it all on word of mouth. So. And let me give you the ultimate example of that. I say that about bni. We have grown. My regions have grown. You know, when I first became an executive director, when my family first became executive directors, we had like 70 something members. Today I oversee, I once oversaw five franchises. I oversee three. Right now those three are 2,850 members. That entire growth has been on word of mouth. We've never run a BNI advertisement. That does not mean there's no value in advertising. There's significant value in advertising. What we talk about is we preach and teach word of mouth marketing and that's what we're doing and that's how we've been able to grow. It is the success our members are having is what led them to want to network with more people, tell them about what they're experiencing and that's what's grown. It's, I have zero intent when I say that. To say advertising isn't helpful, isn't valuable, isn't any of those things. And in many ways we have advertised some things. We've sponsored of different events we've done, you know, so there's different variations of advertising. And like you said on theirs, they have a website and they've got branded T shirts and they did join bni, which is word of mouth marketing, Everett. But they've got wrapped vehicles. Those are all advertising. The wrapped vehicles is advertising, right? The branded T shirts is advertising themselves in a way. Like if you really were like, we don't even need to tell anybody we exist, you wouldn't wrap your vehicle. So they're doing it. They're just, they're not, they're, they might not be associating that as advertising because some people, you know, just, they're so advertising such a vague, broad spectrum of things. But also because that again, is just not their intent. I wholly believe that's not their intent. And, and I would think that they, the only reason they'd really be avoiding you if you feel that way is because they fear like, hey, this person wants to do a one to one with me just to complain or to bring drama or to bring conflict or to have, you know, and they're just going to avoid it. You wish they wouldn't. I think avoiding tough conversations is a mistake. I think avoiding the conflict is a mistake because it festers things and it becomes a much bigger issue than it's ever supposed to be or ever probably would have been. But that's probably why they're doing it. So I would, I would one tell you that, not that your feelings aren't legit, I think they are, but to really take a step back and think about, do you really think their intent was to say you weren't valuable? Do you think they're really using their featured presentation time to highlight you in a negative way? I don't believe that. I don't believe that. I don't think their intent was that at all. And so, you know, have a little bit of empathy of like, okay, what, what, what they're saying, what is, is that really what they mean? And kind of revisit that and then revisit, how have you been approaching them since you've been feeling hurt? And is that the most effective way to really be approaching them and realize that I, I don't think anybody else in that chapter is going like, oh, look at these people, they don't advertise advertising. Must be a waste. I shouldn't do advertising either, or I shouldn't recommend, I don't believe any of that's happening. But if you become, if you let your emotions around it kind of take over a little bit, you could be hurting yourself with other members, including them, based on again, approach. And, and I'm not saying you're doing any of these things because I don't know, but I can see it happen. I've seen it happen. You know, that emotion festers and then we get really upset and that affects how we carry ourselves, it affects how we present ourselves, it affects the energy we're giving off at the meeting. It affects so many different things that could be negatively affecting the results we're getting. So don't let that happen. Take a step back, take a deep breath, really think about do you think what their intent was? And move forward and move forward in a positive way and you know, ask for one to ones for the true intent of one to one. I want to know how I can find you more referrals. That's it. If you tell people like I'd love to do a one to one so I can learn how to find you even more referrals, not too many people are going to be too busy for that. So hopefully this is helpful for everybody and for you who submitted it. I appreciate that and continue to request that you all do and as I said, share the podcast, leave a review, do all those things. I do appreciate everybody who does have a great day.