Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: BNI & The Power of One
Episode: BNI 863: Is My Fellow Member Telling Others I Have No Value?
Host: Tim Roberts
Date: October 27, 2025
Main Theme: Addressing the perceived slight when BNI members claim they "do not advertise," especially when advertising professionals are present, and how to respond effectively as a BNI member seeking referrals and relationships.

Episode Overview

In this episode, Tim Roberts tackles a sensitive and recurring question from a seasoned BNI member in the print advertising category: Are members who claim "we do not advertise" during their presentations really sending the message that advertising professionals provide no value? Tim explores the intent behind such statements, how to handle feeling undervalued, and the importance of constructive communication in BNI chapters.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Listener’s Concern ([01:01])

• Situation: A long-standing print advertiser (13 years in BNI) is troubled by fellow chapter members (e.g., roofing and HVAC businesses) who repeatedly declare in their featured presentations that they “do not advertise” and are “word-of-mouth only.”
• Perceived Issue: The listener feels this may be a slight against advertising professionals, casting doubt on the value of that category within BNI and creating discomfort about being referable.

2. Tim Roberts' Response and Reframing ([02:45])

• Not a Personal Attack:

  “I don’t think when they say that, that they’re trying to say that advertising doesn’t work or there isn’t value in advertising.”
  — Tim Roberts, [02:45]

• Intent Behind "We Don’t Advertise":
  • Likely meant to highlight that their business has grown through referral and reputation.
  • Attempt to elevate their credibility by emphasizing client satisfaction and organic growth, not to belittle advertising.
  • When referencing “advertising,” most mean paid placements (TV, radio, billboards), not all forms of promotion.
• Practical Contradictions:
  • These members do engage in advertising-like behaviors (websites, branded T-shirts, vehicle wraps, BNI membership itself).

3. Understanding Communication and Avoiding Conflict ([06:55])

• Approaching One-to-Ones:

  “If your approach has been to go to them and say I want a one to one… to understand why you think it’s important to say you don’t advertise…that’s why you’re not getting the one to one because again it sounds…a little dramatic and confrontational potentially, and people will avoid conflict.”
  — Tim Roberts, [07:10]

• Advice:
  • Suggest approaching one-to-ones with curiosity and helpful intent (“how can I get you more referrals?”) rather than confronting or expressing hurt.
  • Present the concern non-dramatically during the natural course of a one-to-one, if needed.

4. Broad Lessons on Advertising and Perception ([12:50])

• Advertising is Nuanced:

  “Advertising’s such a vague, broad spectrum of things…but also because that again is just not their intent. I wholly believe that’s not their intent.”
  — Tim Roberts, [13:20]

• Host’s Own Example:
  • BNI’s growth was primarily through word of mouth, but that doesn’t mean advertising isn’t valuable.
  • Even BNI sometimes sponsors events, which is also a form of advertising.
• Words vs. Intent:
  • Just because someone says “we don’t advertise” doesn’t mean they belittle advertising; it’s often meant to reflect pride in word-of-mouth success.

5. Emotional Impact and Professional Self-Management ([15:30])

• Empathy & Perspective:

  “Take a step back…do you really think their intent was to say you weren’t valuable? …I don’t believe that. I don’t think their intent was that at all.”
  — Tim Roberts, [15:32]

• Managing Emotions:
  • The risk of letting negative assumptions and emotions fester—could impact relationships and energy in meetings.
  • Encourage positivity and refocusing on collaborative goals.

6. Constructive Next Steps ([18:20])

• Effective One-to-Ones:

  “Ask for one to ones for the true intent of one to one. I want to know how I can find you more referrals. That’s it. If you tell people like I’d love to do a one to one so I can learn how to find you even more referrals, not too many people are going to be too busy for that.”
  — Tim Roberts, [18:23]

• Closing Encouragement:
  • Be patient, empathetic, and collaborative.
  • Understand that value is not being denied by others but can be affected by one’s own approach and mindset.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I get not selling to the room but how can I trust someone who does state they do not believe I provide value and refer me?” — Listener submission, [01:30]
• “If you let your emotions around it kind of take over a little bit, you could be hurting yourself with other members… based on again, approach.” — Tim Roberts, [16:35]
• “I think avoiding tough conversations is a mistake… it festers things and it becomes a much bigger issue than it's ever supposed to be or ever probably would have been.” — Tim Roberts, [14:40]
• “We want to do one to one so I can learn about their business, how can I help them, how can I get more referrals for them and vice versa. And go through the normal one to one with the normal intent.” — Tim Roberts, [08:30]
• “There’s significant value in advertising. What we talk about is we preach and teach word of mouth marketing and that’s what we’re doing and that’s how we’ve been able to grow.” — Tim Roberts, [12:15]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:01] Listener’s concern about advertising being dismissed
• [02:45] Tim’s initial assessment—intent and context of “we don’t advertise”
• [06:55] One-to-one meetings: effective vs. confrontational approaches
• [12:50] Nuances of advertising and BNI’s own practices
• [15:30] Emotional impact & self-management advice
• [18:20] Practical steps for moving forward: reframing and outreach

Summary Takeaways

• Don’t assume negative intent when members say “we don’t advertise”; it’s usually meant to spotlight word-of-mouth success, not to reject the value of advertising.
• If you’re feeling undervalued, reconsider your approach: focus on learning and helping rather than confrontation.
• Advertising occurs in many forms—many who claim not to advertise actually do in subtle ways.
• Keep discussions positive, collaborative, and focused on mutual support; this fosters referrals and trust.
• Managing your own perspective and approach can avoid misunderstandings and preserve chapter harmony.