How often have you heard the rhetoric that if you want success badly enough, if you work hard enough, you’ll find success? As women, we grow up with a promise—from little girls who can “be whatever we want to be” to full-grown “girl bosses,” the world is our equal-opportunity oyster.

But the data doesn’t prove this out. It’s that data Stefanie O’Connell breaks down and picks apart in her new book, The Ambition Penalty, and in our honest and research-backed conversation. As her book’s tagline says, “corporate culture tells women to step up―and then pushes them down.” Whether this feels all too real to you or you’re skeptical, Stefanie’s exploration of the metrics and the myths will get you thinking about how you challenge inequality in every environment where it still thrives.

Stop blaming yourself and start challenging the status quo:

Why prioritizing self-optimization can backfire;
The systems we should be holding accountable for the ongoing inequality;
The problem with the male victimhood narrative;
What happens when we model healthy power and gender dynamics to our children?