Broadway Breakdown: "Significant Other" w/ Adam Elsberry (July 20, 2023)

Episode Overview

Theme:
In this emotionally raw and deeply personal episode, host Matt Koplik and returning guest Adam Elsberry delve into Joshua Harmon's play Significant Other, a bittersweet comedy-drama about friendship, loneliness, queerness, and the evolving dynamics between gay men and straight women, as well as the pain of watching your friends move on without you. This episode marks the finale of the Big Move series, focusing on shows that made the leap from Off-Broadway to Broadway. Through personal anecdotes and incisive analysis, Matt and Adam unpack why this play devastates its audience, how it mirrors their own lives, and the nuanced challenges of navigating adult friendships as a single gay man.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: The Hosts & the Aesthetic (00:22-02:18)

• Matt and Adam introduce the episode with playful banter and an unapologetically queer, Barbie-inspired setup.
• Adam, dubbed "Gunkle of the Pod," embraces the vibrant, campy set, referencing queer literature and Broadway icons visible in the background.

2. What is Significant Other About? (06:24-08:17)

• Adam’s summary: Significant Other follows Jordan Berman, a twenty-something gay man in NYC struggling as his three closest female friends fall in love, get engaged, and marry, while he remains single. Central to the story are his familial bonds, particularly with his grandmother, and the recurring tension between romantic aspirations and the broader need for connection.
• The nuances of "social life" as code for "anyone special?" in family dynamics—relatable for many closeted or recently out gay men.

3. Play Structure & Joshua Harmon's Approach (02:48-04:06; 17:04-17:50)

• Harmon’s intentional scene flow: Scenes "should bleed into one another… because love bleeds"—their pain is seamless and inescapable.
• The hosts underline the specificity and intensity of the play, noting both its passionate devotees and those left cold by its laser-focused angst.

4. Themes: Going Beyond “A Gay Guy Who Can’t Find a Boyfriend” (04:19-06:08)

• Matt stresses that the play is about far more than Jordan’s romantic failures: it speaks to the terror of being left behind and the struggle to remain relevant and connected as your chosen family pairs off and drifts away.
• The discourse touches on the broader existential fear of “erasure” prevalent in gay male experience.

5. Character Deep Dives

Jordan Berman (21:18-22:27; 25:02-26:34)

• Described as neurotic, self-deprecating, depressive, but with an “earnest bleeding heart.”
• "He is sort of a bit of a Carrie [Bradshaw] in that respect. A lot of the conversations… revolve around him a lot. He makes it about him a lot." (21:38)
• His “unlikable” qualities are defended: “Blanche DuBois—a likable protagonist?… She’s a messy cunt.” (16:08)

Jordan’s Friends (30:19+)

• Kiki: Brash, exuberant, basic, but sincere—“She’s a little ridiculous, but she’s also 100% earnest.” (30:42)
• Vanessa: Morbid, anti-conformist (in theory), but ultimately falls in line with societal expectations.
• Laura: Jordan’s “true best friend”—introverted, “schoolmarmish,” but finds unexpected confidence through romance.

6. The Dreaded Wedding Arc: Gay Men and Straight Women (53:02-65:39; 66:26+)

• Matt shares deeply personal experience—mirrored in the play—about the pain when a straight female best friend’s wedding signals a turning point, making their parallel lives “perpendicular.”
• “That wedding is the last day your best friend and you have lives that are parallel. That day on, they are going to become perpendicular, and it’s just gonna go further and further apart from there.” (58:13)
• The “Bridesmaid/Groomsman” debate as a microcosm: being “included” in a gendered way versus truly representing your emotional rank in a friend’s life.

7. The “Fight” Scene and its Psychological Horrors (90:06–123:18)

• The Fight: Jordan finally explodes at Laura over being excluded from her wedding’s bridal party, voicing years of accumulated pain.
• “Your wedding is my funeral. Can’t you understand that?” — Jordan, to Laura (92:10)
• "She can only hear the hatred, not the pain… and that has always upset me." (119:53)
• The audience’s (and sometimes the play’s) inclination to side with the bride—often missing the complexity and agony of the other party.

8. Friendship, Loneliness, and Change (80:43–89:13)

• Adam shares his own bittersweet experience of feeling “left behind” when his gay best friend’s relationship heads toward marriage and a move across the country.
• Both hosts reflect on how time, geography, and life milestones inevitably alter even the tightest bonds, and that recognition often hits the gay friend harder, sooner, and with more existential dread.

9. The Scene with Grandma (144:12+)

• The recurring wisdom and emotional clarity of Jordan’s grandmother (played by Barbara Barrie).
• “It’s a long book and you’re currently in a very difficult chapter, especially because you don’t know when it’s going to end. But it will end.” (179:55)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

"It's a play that has not won over a ton of people, but those it has won over left pretty devastated, I'd say, by it."
— Matt (03:25)

"That wedding is the last day your best friend and you have lives that are parallel. That day on, they are going to become perpendicular."
— Chorus friend to Matt (58:13)

"Your wedding is my funeral. Can't you understand that?"
— Jordan in Significant Other, quoted by Matt (92:10)

"None of us are happy all the time. But there is a difference between not being happy all the time and having depression."
— Adam (108:38)

"Try as they might, his female friends are never going to fully understand what he's going through. And he needs somebody who does. Just one person."
— Matt (128:22)

“You have this vision of yourself that's just not true.”
— Vanessa to Jordan, paraphrased (16:23)

“We are the protagonists of our own movies...It’s something you should acknowledge and just be aware of, because it can be exhausting trying to bend for you all the time because sometimes you break.”
— Matt (120:33)

"The book is long."
— Grandma’s advice, as Jordan suffers (179:55)

Important Timestamps

00:22 - 02:18
Opening banter, “Barbie” and queer set, guest introductions.

06:24 - 08:17
What is Significant Other? Quick plot rundown.

16:08 – 16:25
Defending “unlikable” leads; comparing Jordan to Blanche DuBois and Carrie Bradshaw.

30:19+
Character breakdowns and wedding/relationship dynamics.

53:02–65:39
Gay men/straight women friendships, weddings, and personal story of being left out.

90:06–123:18
The climactic fight—Jordan and Laura’s confrontation.

144:12–146:20
Grandma's "talking about suicide" scene; generational perspective.

179:55
Grandma’s advice: “It’s a long book…”

Tone & Style

• Fiercely opinionated, foul-mouthed, with humor and self-deprecation throughout.
• Shows intense emotional vulnerability—Matt references personal heartbreak, therapy, and crying fits with candor and wit.
• Adam brings a reflective and empathetic counterpoint, sharing his own struggles with friendship transitions and depression.
• Interspersed with theatrical insider jokes, deep-cut references, and self-aware tangents.

Conclusion

Matt and Adam use Significant Other as both an autopsy of gay-millennial urban loneliness and a springboard for cathartic, often hilarious confessions about their own lives. They interrogate not just Broadway dramaturgy, but the messy, real dynamics of friendship, love, and the feeling of becoming obsolete in other people’s lives. The result is a blend of therapy session, theatre masterclass, and unapologetic ode to the queer experience.

Additional Resources

• Broadway Breakdown Substack
• Find Adam on Instagram: @adameels
• Matt: Instagram @mattkoplik

Next series: TBA (Matt puts the topic up for a vote, while gleefully preparing for BARBIE).

Closing out with: Barbara Barrie (“Barbie” for this episode’s purposes), in honor of both the play and the film event of the summer.

"Dance the night away, it’s summer vacation. Enjoy Barbie, guys. Fuck knows I will."
— Matt (189:04)