Brunch N’ Bible: “The Realities Of Walking With God Pt. 1” feat. Benedicta Ajah

Summary

Brunch N’ Bible: “The Realities Of Walking With God Pt. 1” feat. Benedicta Ajah

Host: Heaven Kore
Guest: Benedicta Ajah
Release Date: March 18, 2025

---

Introduction to the Episode

In this deeply insightful episode of Brunch N’ Bible, host Heaven Kore welcomes her longtime friend and esteemed guest, Benedicta Ajah, to delve into the nuanced realities of walking with God. Heaven sets the stage by emphasizing that walking with God is a multifaceted journey, replete with both triumphs and tribulations. The episode promises to offer raw and honest conversations that resonate with listeners at every stage of their faith journey.

---

Shaping Faith Through Life Experiences

Heaven (00:00):
Heaven opens the discussion by highlighting how personal life experiences profoundly shape one's perception of God. She reflects on the transformation required when past traumas and ingrained beliefs intersect with newfound faith.

Benedicta (03:20):
Benedicta concurs, sharing her journey of transitioning from a culturally and tradition-based upbringing to a genuine, transformative encounter with God in 2021. She explains, “I spent years actually running around God in proximity with God, but never quite running to God” (03:21).

Key Insight:
Life experiences, whether positive or traumatic, necessitate a period of reprogramming and transformation to align one's perception of God with His true nature.

---

The Wilderness Season: Transformation and Waiting

Benedicta introduces the analogy of the Israelites' 40-year wilderness period during their exodus from Egypt to illustrate the prolonged and often painful process of spiritual transformation.

Benedicta (06:19):
She elaborates, “God is truly the God of the middle. And so the Israelites had to go on this journey,” emphasizing that immediate results are not always attainable or even desirable in the spiritual journey (06:19).

Heaven (07:02):
Heaven builds on this by discussing the societal impatience for quick fixes, contrasting it with God's deliberate and often slow-paced plans.

Key Insight:
The wilderness season is essential for deep spiritual growth and understanding, preventing superficial or rushed relationships with God.

---

Contentment vs. Complacency in Faith Journeys

Heaven introduces a critical distinction between contentment and complacency, exploring how believers navigate comfort in their spiritual seasons.

Heaven (08:58):
She posits, “Contentment is being okay and comfortable in a season that God has called you into. But complacency is being okay and comfortable in a season that God has called you out of” (08:58).

Benedicta (10:10):
Benedicta shares her personal struggle with complacency, explaining how God's intervention often involved slowing her down to recognize areas needing growth. She reflects, “I was so scared to get up. I was so scared to do anything” (12:21).

Key Insight:
Recognizing the difference between being comfortably settled in God's plan versus being complacent in past identities is crucial for spiritual advancement.

---

Death and Resurrection: Letting Go and Rising Up

The conversation transitions to the themes of death and resurrection in the Christian walk, symbolizing the need to let go of old identities and embrace new beginnings.

Benedicta (16:15):
She recounts her intense season of spiritual training, describing it as an “overnight boot camp” that demanded continuous surrender and transformation (16:15).

Heaven (14:57):
Heaven draws a parallel between Benedicta’s experience and the biblical concept of resurrection, highlighting that believers are meant to rise in authority and purpose after moments of spiritual death (14:57).

Key Insight:
Spiritual growth often involves metaphorical death—letting go of old selves—and a subsequent resurrection into new roles and identities as defined by God's purpose.

---

Struggle with Ms. Independent Identity

A significant portion of the dialogue focuses on Benedicta's struggle with her former identity of being "Ms. Independent," a persona she had to shed to fully embrace her walk with God.

Heaven (21:07):
Heaven expresses admiration for Benedicta’s past achievements and probes into the challenges Benedicta faced in relinquishing her independent identity (21:07).

Benedicta (22:59):
Benedicta opens up about the internal battle between her established persona and her newfound faith, stating, “I felt like my journey with Christ was actually very difficult” (22:59). She further explains how surrendering her role required her to confront deep-seated insecurities and redefine her sense of self.

Key Insight:
Letting go of self-sufficiency is often a painful but necessary step in deepening one’s relationship with God, allowing for authentic spiritual growth and dependence on divine guidance.

---

Conclusion and Insights

As the episode nears its end, Heaven and Benedicta underscore the importance of nurturing one's faith journey with truthful doctrine and supportive community to avoid falling into cycles of doubt and legalism.

Benedicta (30:58):
She emphasizes the critical role of accurate and loving mentorship in the early stages of faith, warning against the traps of legalism and the need for grace (30:58).

Heaven (30:58):
Heaven acknowledges Benedicta’s profound insights, remarking, “She just dropped like 10 million gems on us” (30:58).

Final Takeaway:
Walking with God is a transformative journey that requires patience, surrender, and the willingness to let go of old identities. Embracing the wilderness seasons and understanding the processes of death and resurrection are essential for genuine spiritual growth and a deeper relationship with God.

Upcoming:
Heaven teases the continuation of this profound conversation in Part Two, promising further blessings and revelations for listeners.

---

Notable Quotes

• Benedicta (03:21):
  “I spent years actually running around God in proximity with God, but never quite running to God.”

• Heaven (08:58):
  “Contentment is being okay and comfortable in a season that God has called you into. But complacency is being okay and comfortable in a season that God has called you out of.”

• Benedicta (12:21):
  “No, I can't let go. Like, no, like almost like Moses. Like, I'm not going anywhere if you're not going with me.”

• Heaven (14:57):
  “In Jesus, with every death, there's a resurrection. So there's a season where you die the flesh, and then there's a season where you rise.”

• Benedicta (22:59):
  “I felt like my journey with Christ was actually very difficult.”

---

This episode of Brunch N’ Bible offers a profound exploration of the often challenging yet rewarding journey of walking with God. Through Benedicta Ajah's candid sharing, listeners gain valuable insights into the transformational processes that define a true relationship with the Divine. Stay tuned for Part Two, where the conversation promises to delve even deeper into these spiritual realities.

Transcript

[Heaven]

Welcome to Brunch and Bible, where we navigate womanhood through the Word. I'm your host, Heaven, and this is more than a podcast, it's a movement. At Brunch and Bible, women gather, grow spiritually, embrace the complexities of life through work driven discussions, and find practical applications for their own journeys. Walking with God is a journey filled with highs and lows, victories and struggles, clarity and even moments of uncertainty. In this episode, we sit down with a very special guest to have a raw and honest conversation about the realities of following Christ. Whether you're new to your faith or have been walking with God for years, this episode will encourage you to embrace every season of your journey with boldness and trust. Welcome everyone to another episode of Brunch and Bible. If you've been supporting us on this journey of becoming the real you, I want to thank you and I'm praying that you've been blessed. We are really going to dig deep into that topic today because today we're talking about the realities of walking with God. And again, I'm not here alone. I have a very, very, very special guest, Benedicta. And Benedicta is definitely, definitely, definitely not a stranger to Brunch and Bible. She has been on many episodes past and I encourage you to go ahead and watch the episodes that she has been on because truly she is a woman of so much wisdom. She's a woman that I've looked up to. Fun fact, we went to school together. I always like to say that because life is really like full circles, you know?

[Benedicta]

Absolutely.

[Heaven]

So I love to say that. And now that we're here on this journey of becoming who God has called us to be, we're able to, you know, reflect back on that journey and those fun times, those interesting times. But like I said, today is about the realities of walking with God. And just the truth is, you know, walking with God is not a bed of roses sometimes. Absolutely not. It's not a walk in the park. And although it's beautiful, there are many, there are many moving parts to walking with God. And we're going to try to get through as many as we can today and just kind of flesh them out. And you know, the first, first thought that I kind of have is that, well, the first reality I would say is that life experiences shape how you view God. And sometimes, you know, you have certain kinds of upbringings that may be traumatic or that may trigger some things in you and then you come into Christ. And then now, because of your experiences, you've dragged that knowledge and that information into Your walk with God. And God has to take you through this season of kind of reprogramming. You know, the Bible talks about be transformed, don't be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And he takes you through this process where he has to kind of change that.

[Benedicta]

Yeah.

[Heaven]

First reveal it. Right. Because it's. It can be hidden at. At first. First reveal it and then change and edit that out so that you can see God in the right light and in the right perspective. So I want to ask you the question, right? Did your life experiences shape how you view God? Were they good, were they bad? And did God have to take you through a season where he had to like, literally pull things out of you and ideologies out of you so that you can view him as the God that he says he is to you?

[Benedicta]

Absolutely. A very loaded question. I know it's a loaded question, but I. I think one of the things that you said in the beginning was revealing the different, like, dimensions of the realities of walking with God. Right. And so in any season it is going to look different from your previous season. Okay. And I say that to say that when I first encounter God, it was actually in 2021, so not too long ago, funny enough, I did grow up in church. So very like culture based, tradition based, a little bit religious in a way, just out of like ritual and habit, but nothing substantial that would actually hold me when a real moment came when I actually needed to find something to hold on to.

[Heaven]

Yeah.

[Benedicta]

And so 2021 encounter God got into proximity with God. I spent my whole life running away from God. Right. Got into proximity with God. But even when that time came, for years, I was still running around God. So I was in proximity, I was near. And just because of the mysteries of God, you start to see the evidence of somebody who is near God, but you have not seen the evidence of somebody who is with God or walking with God. Right. And so I spent years actually running around God in proximity with God. And you would see the fire and the wind and the flames and all these things that look like evidence of somebody that has a real relationship with God according to cultures and society standards. But then when God actually had to transform my mindset again, I realized that I spent all these years running around God in proximity with God, but never quite running to God. And one thing that always comes to mind when I think of this journey is the Israelites, only because. Because they, they were in slavery for 400 years. Right. And there had to reach A certain measure of time before the Lord would hearken unto the cry that he was hearing in heaven. On top of that, he actually now had to prep and prepare their leader, the person that he would send to deliver them for 80 years. And so you would think now that when God intervenes or they encounter God, or that God shows up and says that he's about to deliver them, we expect a certain outcome.

[Heaven]

Yeah.

[Benedicta]

And in our culture and our society today, it's very easy for us to what we actually have, not easy for us to. Our society has turned Christianity into a marketing tactic or a marketing strategy, because now what they're saying is, oh, I got to this. And that produces like this outcome or very results oriented, very goal oriented, or results driven, if you will. And the objective always is in our microwave or popcorn generation, is to find the quickest way to the end. But God is truly the God of the middle. And so the Israelites had to go on this journey. Now they spent 400 years already in slavery. They spent probably 80 of those years waiting for their leader to even be ready.

[Heaven]

Right.

[Benedicta]

And then the moment God shows up, they spend 40 extra years in the wilderness. So you literally add God to their slavery and their deliverance equaled wilderness.

[Heaven]

Yeah.

[Benedicta]

And so we look at people in their lives and we wonder why it almost seems as if like they didn't really encounter God. Because the fruit of what it looks like or what we assume it means to encounter God or walk with God is not yet evident. Yeah, but that's just because you're in a wilderness season. You're journeying in a. In a place where God still has to renew your mindset. He still has to reveal Himself in a way. Like you encounter him and you start this journey, but you don't really understand who he is until he takes you into this journey of processing, of stripping away. And there's many places or understandings where they say how the Israelites didn't need to travel 40 years in the wilderness. It actually could have been like an 11 day journey or whatever they say. Right. But the reality is they would have never encountered the promise if they actually took that journey because they would have not encountered the true promise. They would have not encountered the true promise, which was a real relationship with God or the ability to rely on God or the ability to rest in the promise that God gave them if they took that short journey. And I think that in this present day and age, we are all looking for the 11 day journey to this place of promise that God has given us. This place that God uses almost to lure us in in a way, like, I have so much more for you. I have rest for you. I have healing for you. I have deliverance for. I have abundance for you. And it's luring all these people like, oh, I want the prosperity, I want the abundance, I want the rest. I'm tired of anxiety, I'm tired of depression. And we come to God and we start to get in proximity with God, but we don't want to do the processing or the surrender or anything that requires more than the 11 days to actually get us the fruit of that promise. Journeying with him.

[Heaven]

You know, that's so interesting that you talked about the wilderness. And my case study for this episode was really the Israelites Exodus, you know, And I want to expound on a point that you mentioned about the wilderness season and how, you know, it's something that a lot of people avoid. But I want to take it even further and talk about another reality of walking with God, which is the fact of the matter that you have to be able to discern the difference between contentment and complacency. That's good, right? Contentment is being okay and comfortable in a season that God has called you into. But complacency is being okay and comfortable in a season that God has called you out of. Right? And so where is that fine line? Did you experience that where you felt like even in your walk with Christ, at a point where you were just comfortable and God was introducing discomfort to pull you into a new season?

[Benedicta]

I am someone who tends to be a little bit more on the ambitious side. And so I feel like God had to do the opposite for me. I feel like God had to do the opposite. He had to sit me down and he had to slow me down in any way he could to get me to realize. Realize that you're not actually not going anywhere. You can run around this season. You can run through this desert high and dry up every mountain you see, get your breath of fresh air. You're going to come right back down in this valley and we're going to sit here and talk when you're ready. And so I believe that in my journey with Christ, after realizing that I was not going anywhere and after realizing that he truly did want me to sit down and rest in this wilderness to season so that he could transform my mind and so that he could get me to realize the gaps in my walk with Him. It was hard for. It was like an altar season, if you will, where a lot of my Time was just spent in heavy concentration, heavy, like seasons of prayer and fasting and all the things, if you will. And I believe that when it time, when it came time for that season to do its curtain call, Yeah, I was still glued to the altar. I was so scared to get up. I was so scared to do anything. I was so scared to believe that he truly was releasing me from this place. That if I tried one, I got so comfortable resting at the altar that any bit of. Because the altar is actually very shielded place. It's a very protected place. It's a very comfort place, a comfortable place. And you really get to understand the, like the peace and the love of God in that place. Even though it seems like everything, because that's the only thing you have left, everything is being stripped from you. Your mindset is being renewed. You're even starting to challenge yourself on why you think the way you think, why you're doing what you're doing. And so in that season when you start to feel like you have nothing, you're literally clenching on to the hem and the garment of Jesus, right? And so when it came time for that season to do its curtain call and time to move, it was like, no, I can't let go. Like, no, like almost like Moses. Like, I'm not going anywhere if you're not going with me.

[Heaven]

Like me, I'm not.

[Benedicta]

I don't. Like, I have to see your finger. I have to see your evidence. I have to hear that. You said that. You really, really, really said. Like so fearful of everything, even when the slightest bit of resistance will come up. Like, oh, no, no, that's it. It's not time, right? It's not time. I'm too early, I'm rushing it. Like I'm. And even still, actually earlier today, actually I had to fight that mindset. Like God is actually not going to sit here and give you a step by step guide on how to live your life.

[Heaven]

That's why he gave you reality.

[Benedicta]

That's why he gave you the Bible. That is your, that is your script book if you want to call this a play, right? That's your script book. That's your guide. That's the only God you get. And your holy Spirit. Yeah, that's it. That's all. So the everybody else who is especially like, if you have like prophetic gifting, if you will, I feel like some people can sometimes clinch onto that and try to use that as a way to like navigate their insecurities when it comes to their walk with God. But really, it's supposed to serve as a vantage point. And so anywho, I got to this point where I was like, okay, no, I can't go. Every sort of resistance and win would make me feel like, nope, I got up too early. Let me go back to the altar. And it took a season of everybody coming to say the same thing. Like, Deborah, get up, Deborah, arise. Until I, Deborah, was like, literally hearing the same thing over and over and over and over again. And then also the dissatisfaction, like you said, of what is my life like? Where did I actually land myself? Like, nothing. Nothing is making sense anymore. A similar feeling of when I actually came to God. Nothing is actually, like, making sense anymore. Nothing is actually satisfying. All these things that I'm, like, holding on to. And even in this place of emptiness, in a way, I'm feeling emptier, like there's. There's more for me. Not to say there's more for you outside of Christ, unless, what am I trying to say? He is your portion, right? He is your inheritance. And so until you have settled in that everything else will still mean nothing, right? And so I already had that. But it was almost like I couldn't even see life anymore. I became very passive to life, letting life pass me by, letting experiences and opportunities pass me by. In the name of, like, dying to myself, in the name of, like, dying to the things that I, like, thought were going to. Once upon a time would have meant everything to me. And so it just came to a season of him. Kind of like having people just constantly tell me the same thing over and over again to, like, pull me out of that, like, place, glued. And I still find myself running back every now and then. But I think in a different way than where I was, like, holding on to before.

[Heaven]

This is kind of deep because as you were speaking, the Holy Spirit just reminded me that in Jesus, with every death, there's a resurrection, right? So there's a season where you die the flesh, and then there's a season where you rise, right? And at times, I. I don't know if this is everybody's portion, but just for the person who's listening that can identify, because this is a reality of walking with God that don't hide in the. In the place of death. You're not meant to stay there. There's a moment where you resurrect and you rise in the authority and the power, in the grace of what God has called you to do. And when you got to that point, when you got to that point, when you settled with the fact that it's time for me to rise. I actually remember this season of your life. This is my friend, y'all. So I'm privileged to know some things, but God began to take you through a very, very, very speedy.

[Benedicta]

Yeah.

[Heaven]

Process. You feel like it was a backlog of things or, like, talk to us about that season where you finally said, okay, God, like, let's go. Let's go.

[Benedicta]

Yeah. I think that many of the things that I thought that I was missing out on in. So, like I said initially, I came to God like, okay, let's go. I actually came out the gate like, okay, I'm ready. Gave my life to Christ on fire. Zealous. All the things. Annoying, really, at the end of the day, right? And then he's like, girl, sit down. You're not going anywhere. We got. We got work to do.

[Heaven]

Right?

[Benedicta]

Okay, I'm sitting down. Whatever. Now it's time to get up. And I'm like, okay, I guess maybe, like, if. If you say so, God, like, if it be your will, let's go. Right. Running again was, in a way, people will call it speed. And I also think it was like a. Or people will call it, like, acceleration. And I would call it catch up. Yeah, I would call it catch up. Right. And so I think that a lot of the experiences that I had were him also trying to let me know. So while they seemed like everything that I was wanting initially when I came to Christ, a lot of them were him easily telling me that you didn't really want that. Giving me the, like, physical firsthand experience to say what you thought you wanted is not really what you wanted at all. And giving me the, like, up close, the front row seats to a lot of these different things that I said that I needed and that I wanted. And he used every bit of it and gave me. And because of it, I'm a product of, like, many, many graces. But I believe that at least in the preliminary years of, like, okay, let's go, was a lot of him literally answering all the questions that I had. Yeah. What about this? What about that? I don't want to get into, like, the specifics of anything. Right. But a lot of the deep desires and questions that I had initially, he literally was just unfolding and unfolding. And literally, it seemed like one day I was here, one day I was here, one day I was here, one day I was here. And in the midst of that, I think there were also a lot of. It was like an overnight boot camp. Overnight boot camp. And so literally, one day I'll be in Nigeria. The next day I would be in D.C. the next day I would be in Houston. The next day I'd be back in Indiana. Nobody would know, literally for, like, two years straight. Nobody would know for, like, two years straight. Where is. Does she still even live here? Someone asked me that today. Like, do you still live in India? I'm like, yeah, I actually live down the street. Like, so there is. It was really hard to keep up with, like, what he was doing and where he was taking me. Even was confused. It would be like a new instruction randomly, like, every day. I would quit this job, move on to this. And then literally when he would bring me back to, like, home base, if you will, I get hired next two days. A hiring process that would take like, three, four weeks. Would take three days back at work. Like, nothing. Like, I never even left, regroup, back off again. And so it was this continuous, like, training and processing in a different way. Right. Training and processing and maturing. Yeah. To be able to now actually handle what would be my specific assignment or what the specific things that he would actually give me to do. Yeah. I think that the me at the beginning would have literally, like, crumbled and fumbled. Yeah, crumbled and fumbled everything that. That I do now, honestly. And I think it took, even through that process, the dying, again, as you said, this consistent cycle of dying and resurrecting, dying and resurrecting, but dying in a different way. That was not me trying to prove that I could die to Christ so that he would let me go, but actually realizing that everything that I thought that I was and everything that I thought that I had actually means nothing or veils. I mean, is vain in comparison to who he actually is and why I actually do need Him.

[Heaven]

That's so good. And again, as you're speaking, you just thank God for your life. Yeah. As you were speaking, I realized another reality, which is the fact that your normal is not everybody else's normal. Your normal is not the world's normal. And what the world would have called somebody who's all over the place or somebody who's going crazy, he quite literally delusional. Yeah. Was literally God training you intensely and you knowing that it was him that was calling you in and out of these places.

[Benedicta]

Yeah.

[Heaven]

And I just feel like it's sometimes as Christians, we actually think we're going crazy.

[Benedicta]

Yeah.

[Heaven]

I feel like if you're a woman here and you're following God at a certain point in your walk, you've Asked, am I going insane? Yeah. Because the things that you'd be going through and the things that God will.

[Benedicta]

Be teaching you that you can't even.

[Heaven]

Sometimes put into words.

[Benedicta]

Yeah.

[Heaven]

Is. Is quite literally a very common theme when it comes to what God does in man.

[Benedicta]

Yeah.

[Heaven]

Another reality that I want to discuss, and I know you. You would know very well about this. Right. Is when walking with God as a woman, you cannot be Ms. Independent. And the reason why I say you know very well about this is I was privileged to go to school with B. And she was literally a boss woman. When, I mean, she was an entrepreneur, a pharmacy student, a leader. I. I don't even. I looked up to her so much because I was like, how can one woman be so excellent at so many different things at the same time? And literally she just had this, you know, or about her that, you know, it is what it is. This is how things are going to be. And I'm. I'm literally going up, down, around. And that's just it. And she had this very Ms. Independent, you know, vibe to her. And it's very interesting because when you begin to walk with God, you realize that that identity has to go to the bin. And I want us to just talk about, you know, that, I mean, that season. And then also we talked about how your life experiences shaped.

[Benedicta]

Yeah.

[Heaven]

You know, you're walking and things like that. So what was it like when you entered into Christ and you had to put that down on the side? You know, you talked about how God had told you to sit down, but even deeper in how you relate with God, the Miss Independent spirit, you know. Yeah. Just talk to us about that season and what, what your thought is about Ms. Independent.

[Benedicta]

I don't even know. That was provoking as you just listening to you describe, that person was erecting a lot of emotion, actually. Yeah. That girl costed me a lot. She costed me a lot. And I wish that. I mean, God again uses and does everything. And there's a reason why I can now own who I am.

[Heaven]

Yeah.

[Benedicta]

In a way that I struggled to own in the beginning because I felt like, again, she was costing me a lot. Like, I felt like my journey with Christ was actually very difficult. Yeah. I believe that when I came to Christ, we were doing a sovereignty battle. Like, who's really in charge here? Who was really in charge here? Like you said, I was doing everything in a sorority. Founder of this, leader of this, president of this, all while in pharmacy school. Like, just a lot of capacity, right? Yes, a lot of Capacity. To this day, I honestly don't have any words for it. But when I came to Christ and I think I tried to bring that same vim and capacity, like, oh, Lord, you know, I'm going to do everything that I was doing in the world, but I'm going to do it for you, blah, blah, blah, blah. All the things that. And, you know, all the people that I was sending to hell, I'm going to make sure I pull them back up and we're all going to go to heaven. I realized very quickly that if I will, I call it like an Elijah syndrome. Okay, so Elijah syndrome to me is this person who is over sufficient. Over sufficient. But when life actually comes to deal with you, you fret, you don't know what to do, you're crying, woe is me kind of thing. And God introduced to me, that was actually how I encountered God in a season like that. So you see this person and you see the fire coming down from heaven and whatever that will look like as your analogy to the world, the fire coming down from heaven and all these prophets dying, and everybody just bowing to whatever authority you command. But then when it actually comes time to you to stand, stand your ground and fight, you buckle like, you fall. And everything that you were calling, your substance and everything that you were calling, who you were no longer like means anything. And so I think that when I first came to Christ and being Ms. Independent or just being used to being in charge, it was really hard for me to surrender to Christ, obviously. But also more than that, I. It wasn't just like in the marketplace, if you will, like school and my communities, it was at home, right? And so even when it came to, like, authority and relationships and things like that, even as a child, like, I was very rebellious, very much. Nobody is telling me what to do. And I carried that same mentality into my adult life, but then furthermore, into my relationship with Christ. And so when it came time for him to say, this is what we're not doing, or almost, give me that promise, like he did, the Israelites, give me that promise of freedom. Give me that promise of an abundant life. Give me that promise of rest, I'm like, okay, yeah, bet, like, whatever you say. Let's go. And then when things started shaping out differently than what he actually said, I'm like, you bamboozled me. You lied to me. I don't trust you. I don't trust you. And now I can try to go back to relying on myself or relied on the way I used to think, but he had already taken me so far that and I was stripped of the sorority, no longer in aka, no longer all the organizations and all the things literally like just falling by the wayside, the relationships that I was carrying, the like high level mentors that I had. It was almost like I didn't even know how to talk to them anymore. Once a lot of these things because it was like that was my identity in a way. So it's like, how can I now show up in a relationship with these people or function in some society without all these things that served as my identity? And so struggled to trust that everything that he said was still going to be true. Struggled to accept the fact that his love towards me was pure. And like you said, the trauma and the things that would come along with that, that would influence that struggle to believe that his love was pure. Struggled to believe that he knew what he was doing. Struggled to believe that he knew what he was doing and struggled to believe that everything that he was taking from me he was going to give back in a different way. I just had to journey through that and realize that he was actually stripping away so that he could give me new, like he was actually letting things die so that he could resurrect new things. But I didn't understand all those things. And so I also put a pin in that for a second and say that it's really, really, really, really, really, really important who nurtures you in your first like years being in Christ and coming into Christ. Because if you start accepting doctrine that is not true and very legalistic and very religious and very works based, you will never be free. And you will continue this cycle of trying to figure out why God is not good or the good God that everybody else is saying that he. Exactly. So back to the journey now. Okay, so now we've stripped everything, we're fighting with God. We're trying to understand why would you say all these things if they're not true. I gave up this. I gave up this. I gave up this. I gave up this. And you haven't done your part. You haven't done your part. Everything that you said. And so here I am trying to rush my process. I'm looking for the 11 day journey. You said give up this. Here you go. You said give up this. Here you go. To the point where I'm stripped and bare completely. And then nothing was being added back. Nothing was. I was naked, open and exposed, vulnerable, with no, with no shield, with no layer of protection that I was calling my identity, but was really Insecurity masked as identity where I was stripped bare. I was vulnerable, I was open. And I had to like actually look at myself, the real, the real version of myself that I guess I had just been avoiding throughout the years and avoiding when I actually came to Christ. And then I got to a point where I got to a point like after realizing how, I guess, disgusting we are sometimes as human, if I'm being real disgusting we are as human beings and how like ugly our hearts really are and how wrecked our mindsets can really be. Especially just when you're raised through things. Yeah, when you're raised through things. Things is a great word. When you're raised through things and you have to go through things like why, why he was actually calling me to him. And so in that place I was actually not able to humble myself, right? Because I saw the real version of myself, the version of me that he was trying to get me to see this whole time. But it took him stripping and taking everything off because I was now able to actually see myself and see who he was. That is when he now started to add the things back. And it first came with just peace and then it came with rest. And then it came with the comfort that nobody will actually ever be able to love me or accept me the way that he will. Because he's the one that created me and everything that is in me that he hasn't gotten rid of. There's a reason why he's leaving it here. There's a reason why he's leaving it here. And there's a reason why even certain thorns, as Paul would say, are still in my side. Because he's trying to prove that his grace is sufficient. I don't need the over sufficiencies that I was holding on to and pouring on or pouring on myself or slapping on myself to be a high performing citizen or to be a valuable or positively contributing citizen of society. I can be who he has called me to be or be who he has created me to be and be more than enough.

[Heaven]

Yeah, guys, she just dropped like 10 million gems on us just like that. I want to talk about resting in God. Hi everyone. That was part one of the realities of walking with God. And I pray that you are blessed. And I want you to stay tuned for part two of this conversation. You will be blessed.