Let Yourself Suck At It First feat. Anna Akana

Summary

Brutally Anna: Episode Summary - "Let Yourself Suck At It First" feat. Anna Akana

Release Date: April 14, 2025

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Introduction

In this poignant and candid episode of Brutally Anna, host Anna Kai welcomes renowned content creator and comedian Anna Akana. With a career spanning YouTube, stand-up comedy, film, and literature, Anna Akana brings a wealth of experience and heartfelt insights to the conversation. The episode delves deep into themes of love, loss, self-discovery, and the often unspoken struggles that shape our lives.

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Navigating the Dating Scene in Los Angeles

Anna Akana opens up about the challenges of dating in Los Angeles, highlighting the superficiality and fleeting connections prevalent in the city.

[03:06] Anna Akana: "I think there's a deep fear of intimacy. And I say dating in L.A. is like talking to someone at a party and they keep looking over your shoulder to see who walked into the room."

She discusses her experiences with dating apps and the shift towards more personal connections through direct messages. Anna shares a personal anecdote about successfully initiating a relationship by engaging with someone's social media content, emphasizing the importance of authenticity in modern dating.

[04:01] Anna Akana: "So the current person I'm dating, they had a viral Instagram reel of them in the Peruvian mountains with a dog. And I just DM'd. And I was like, I want this dog's info. I need this tour guide in my life. And then we..."

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Personal Anecdotes and Health Discussions

The conversation takes a humorous yet informative turn as Anna Akana and Anna Kai discuss various aspects of women's health. They delve into the challenges of maintaining pelvic floor health, the complexities of menstrual products, and the often-overlooked realities of women's bodily experiences.

[06:10] Anna Kai: "Have I done it?"

[06:11] Anna Akana: "Yes, you have. Yeah, of course I have."

Anna Kai shares a personal story about mistakenly leaving a menstrual disc in place for an extended period, leading to a visit from her gynecologist who discovered the oversight.

[07:54] Anna Kai: "Do you feel like you're...?"

[08:05] Anna Akana: "Was it like a dam though, like, no, no."

The duo also touches on the societal stigma surrounding menstruation and the lack of accessibility to products like tampons in public spaces.

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Grief, Trauma, and Personal Loss

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Anna Akana’s heartfelt discussion about the tragic loss of her sister at the age of 17. She reflects on how this loss forced her to confront mortality and reshape her life's trajectory.

[11:38] Anna Akana: "Before it was, oh, I'm gonna go into the military... and then she committed suicide in 2007."

Anna shares the profound impact her sister's death had on her, steering her away from a predetermined military career towards creative endeavors like stand-up comedy and acting. She emphasizes the importance of pursuing one's true passions and not succumbing to external pressures.

[12:15] Anna Akana: "I was forced to look at my mortality and the fact that life isn't fair... I've been really blessed where I was like, okay, I'm gonna not go to the military."

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Coping Mechanisms and Finding Purpose

Anna Akana candidly discusses her struggles with depression and substance use in the aftermath of her sister's death. She recounts her journey from despondency to finding solace in comedy, inspired by watching Margaret Cho perform stand-up. This turning point rekindled her sense of purpose and led her to embrace vulnerability through her creative work.

[20:32] Anna Akana: "My boyfriend at the time was really into drugs... Eventually saw Margaret Cho perform Stand up and had like, this really beautiful 30 minutes where my sister's death just wasn't in the forefront of my mind."

She credits Margaret Cho for helping her rediscover joy and reaffirming her passion for making others laugh, thereby healing herself in the process.

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Grief and Its Multifaceted Impact

The conversation delves deeper into the complexities of grief, especially when dealing with sudden loss without closure. Anna Akana articulates the lingering questions and lack of closure that often accompany such tragedies, highlighting the cultural stigmas around discussing mental health and suicide.

[18:23] Anna Kai: "There's no closure... Did it bring you closer with the rest of your family?"

[19:08] Anna Akana: "Everyone was kind of grieving on their own... We just went to different parts of the room and cried."

She emphasizes the importance of allowing oneself to fully experience and express grief, rather than suppressing it, to prevent it from manifesting in other detrimental ways.

[35:21] Anna Akana: "The best thing you really can do with grief is to make meaning out of it in a way that's gonna serve you and save other people."

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Transformative Power of Grief

Drawing inspiration from Viktor Frankl, Anna Akana discusses how finding meaning in suffering can transform one's experience of grief into something profoundly impactful.

[35:21] Anna Akana: "I got this from Viktor Frankl, who talks about, like, suffering without meaning is just suffering, but if you can give meaning to your suffering, it can become this, like, beautiful thing."

She shares stories of friends who have turned their grief into activism, raising funds for epilepsy research after losing loved ones, illustrating the potential for positive change even amidst profound loss.

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Dating and Relationships Post-Trauma

Anna Akana offers nuanced advice on dating after experiencing significant trauma. She discusses the importance of communication, setting boundaries, and allowing oneself the time to heal before entering new relationships.

[42:09] Anna Kai: "How do you give someone a chance and when do you say it's not working out?"

[42:28] Anna Akana: "I communicate what I need and give them an opportunity to change. If someone is still not giving me the time of day, I'm not going to fuck around with someone who's in..."

She stresses the necessity of not settling for less than what one deserves and the importance of being with someone who is willing to invest in the relationship's growth and mutual support.

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Embracing Self-Love and Personal Growth

The episode culminates with both Anna Kai and Anna Akana emphasizing the significance of self-love, personal growth, and the courage to pursue one's authentic self despite setbacks and societal pressures.

[44:10] Anna Kai: "Why not? Why not? If you suck, you'll be dead at some point anyways, so it won't matter."

They encourage listeners to embrace their imperfections, take risks, and prioritize their happiness and well-being over external validations or fears of failure.

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Notable Quotes with Attribution and Timestamps

• Anna Akana at [03:06]: "Dating in L.A. is like talking to someone at a party and they keep looking over your shoulder to see who walked into the room."

• Anna Kai at [06:10]: "Have I done it?"

• Anna Akana at [20:32]: "Eventually saw Margaret Cho perform Stand up and had like, this really beautiful 30 minutes where my sister's death just wasn't in the forefront of my mind."

• Anna Akana at [35:21]: "The best thing you really can do with grief is to make meaning out of it in a way that's gonna serve you and save other people."

• Anna Akana at [42:28]: "I communicate what I need and give them an opportunity to change."

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Conclusion

This episode of Brutally Anna offers a raw and honest exploration of the intersections between love, loss, and personal growth. Through Anna Akana’s heartfelt narratives and insightful discussions, listeners are reminded of the resilience of the human spirit and the power of finding meaning amidst life's most challenging moments. Anna Kai’s empathetic hosting complements Anna Akana’s vulnerability, making this episode a beacon of hope and inspiration for anyone navigating similar struggles.

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Follow Brutally Anna on social media @maybeboth and subscribe on your preferred podcast platform to stay updated on future episodes.

Transcript

[Monday.com]

Dear old work platform. It's not you, it's us. Actually, it is you. Endless onboarding, constant IT bottlenecks. We've had enough. We need a platform that just gets us. And to be honest, we've met someone new. They're called Monday.com and it was love at first onboarding. Their beautiful dashboards, their customizable workflows got us floating on a digital cloud nine. So no hard feelings, but we're moving on. Monday.com, the first work platform you'll love to use.

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[Anna Kai]

Welcome to Brutally Anna, a podcast about finding love, losing love, and all the things we think about but don't talk about enough. I'm your host, Anna Kai, AKA maybe both across social media, here to remind you that life can be beautiful even when it's freaking brutal. My guest today, Anna Akana, is one of the OG YouTubers with millions of subscribers and a career that spans the better part of the last decade, which now branches into com, comedy, film and tv, sold out standup specials and a best selling book. She's an unapologetic cat lady and uses her highly produced and cinematic YouTube videos to comment on everything from emotional manipulation to the one person you shouldn't date. No stranger to tragedy, Anna found her way into comedy while finding ways to cope with the sudden loss of her sister and is here to remind us all that we are not alone, even in our darkest moments.

[Anna Akana]

Oh my God, what a beautiful intro.

[Anna Kai]

What an honor to be here. As I was saying to you before we started, I grew up watching you, so I always assumed that you were so much older than me because I remember finding you in the OG YouTube days when I was in college at NYU. And I look you up and I'm like, this bitch is a year older than me. She has had her shit together. This whole time I have been trying to figure it out. I was like, oh my gosh, we are literally the same age.

[Anna Akana]

We are and we both look so young. You look so young.

[Anna Kai]

For you it's the genetics. For me it's the Botox.

[Anna Akana]

No, I also have Botox.

[Anna Kai]

Okay, great.

[Anna Akana]

We love.

[Anna Kai]

We love. Hashtag allergan. Ladies, we're good.

[Anna Akana]

But also, I love your content, too. So it was such an honor for you to reach out to me and ask me to be on this, because I was like, I love your shit. Like the Chads and the stories and the empowerment and how to not lose yourself in dating, how to not make yourself small just for the sake of romantic love. I just think it's such a beautiful message that so many women need to hear.

[Anna Kai]

Well, thank you. I mean, it's so hard because it's interesting. You are. Well, you're not quite single, which we'll get into, but you've been like, we're the same age. I've been with my husband and married for the last seven years, so I've actually been out of the game for a while. But you have been doing it this whole time and in your 30s in L. A?

[Anna Akana]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

What has that been like?

[Anna Akana]

It's a nightmare. I think, you know, a lot of people who come to L. A have delusions of grandeur, which sometimes pay off. I also have delusions of grandeur, which.

[Anna Kai]

Did pay off career wise.

[Anna Akana]

But I think there's, like, a deep fear of intimacy. And I say dating in L. A is like talking to someone at a party and they keep looking over your shoulder to see who walked into the room.

[Anna Kai]

That is my biggest pet peeve. When you're at a party and you can just see their eyes shift this way and they're like, huh, huh. And I'm like this, Fine, you don't want to talk to me. It's all good. Yeah. So dating in la, it's like that. Did you do the apps? What did you do?

[Anna Akana]

I'm on the apps. My last couple of relationships have been on the apps, but now I'm doing this thing where I just slide into the DMs.

[Anna Kai]

Oh, my gosh.

[Anna Akana]

Yeah. So the current person I'm dating, they had a viral Instagram reel of them in the, like, Peruvian mountains with a dog. And I, like, this random dog found them and, like, so they made, like, a funny little reel about it, and I just DM'd. And I was like, I want this dog's info. I need this tour guide in my life. And then we.

[Anna Kai]

That was your pickup line?

[Anna Akana]

That was my pickup line, yeah.

[Anna Kai]

That's amazing.

[Anna Akana]

Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

And he was like, game on.

[Anna Akana]

Yeah. He's like, oh, you're coming to the UK for your tour. Let's hang out. I Could be your tour guide. So.

[Anna Kai]

And how long has it been since you guys have been seeing each other?

[Anna Akana]

It's very new. It's been like a couple of months.

[Anna Kai]

Okay, so it's your suit.

[Anna Akana]

Nascent. Embryonic. I'm jinxing it now.

[Anna Kai]

No, it's okay. We're not saying his name. We're not outing him. So you're not jinxing it.

[Anna Akana]

Yeah, but that's good.

[Anna Kai]

You know what? I hope it works out so that one day we can look back at this episode and you'd be like, this is where it started.

[Anna Akana]

Well, you are my future. I'm like, I want the rock. I want the settled married life. I want to be off the market with someone who's amazing.

[Anna Kai]

Do you want to live in Connecticut? Really? Go full grandma?

[Anna Akana]

Yeah, I'll get a dog.

[Anna Kai]

You know what my girlfriend said the other day? She had just gotten back from Miami, and we live in the same town. And she's an influencer too. She was like, I went to Pilates class in our town and I thought it was gonna be like, sexy Pilates. Cause you know how Pilates is so in right now. And like, you see all these videos and there's all these beautiful women doing Pilates. She's like, I go to Pilates in our town in Connecticut. And she's like, it's all 80 year olds. It's all women literally just trying to stay alive. And me, she was like, I didn't know whether to feel too young or whether to be inspired or whether I just felt like I had moved out here too early. But, you know, that's what happens. You get married and you get soft. I like that, though.

[Anna Akana]

Live your soft girl life. Also, why is it always, I love the fact that the 80 year old women were like, we're gonna work on our pelvic floor. Like, it's always the women who are in all the classes doing the self improvement, like, do the Kygles, girl.

[Anna Kai]

Because that shit actually does catch up with you. I was like, every now and then when I sneeze or I laugh now I pee a little and it's really not great. And I don't work on my Kygles.

[Anna Akana]

Have you done the, like, the bullet?

[Anna Kai]

What's the bullet?

[Anna Akana]

So there's like a weighted bullet. You can, like walk around. You're supposed to walk around your house with it in you and like hold it there like maybe 10 minutes a day, and then you squeeze. And then you walk around and you do your housework for like 20 minutes. And then you take it out. And then there's heavier ones that you can progress to. But it's supposed to help your pelvic floor.

[Anna Kai]

Have I done it?

[Anna Akana]

Yes, you have. Yeah, of course I have.

[Anna Kai]

Is it great?

[Anna Akana]

It's really hard.

[Anna Kai]

Okay. Why do men not have to deal with this?

[Anna Akana]

I don't know.

[Anna Kai]

That's absurd. Not only do we get periods, we lose control of our, you know, pelvic floor, and we have menopause. Like, I forgot. Like, after we stop getting our periods, we have menopause. So that's really fun to deal with.

[Anna Akana]

We need a tax break. Like, there needs to be a specific tax break. And, like, tampons aren't even free in public restrooms.

[Anna Kai]

I know, I know. It's the tampon. And also, I found out tampons were created by men, which is. I don't use tampons, so I use menstrual cups, which flex all the way. They're not paying me to say this. It's amazing because, you know, tampons, there are still risk of tss and all these things. Menstrual discs, you do feel like you're fingering yourself, but it's this, like, plastic cup. Have you seen them?

[Anna Akana]

Yes.

[Anna Kai]

And you just like, literally two fingers and you shove it up.

[Anna Akana]

I couldn't get it in there.

[Anna Kai]

You couldn't?

[Anna Akana]

No. I don't have a period because I'm on hormonal birth control. But I also found out they never tested tampons with blood until, like, 20, 21 or so.

[Anna Kai]

They tested it with, like, freaking, like, dyed water or something. And menstrual blood is very different than regular blood because, like, clots.

[Anna Akana]

Fun.

[Anna Kai]

So, you know, I was just thinking. I was like, menstrual discs were created by women, and they're really safe. And they will never advertise that you can keep it in for, like, extended periods of time. But I found this out the hard way. You don't know they're up there when they're up. I mean, give it a second. Serious. It's worth it. Although you don't get a period, so it doesn't matter. I get periods and it's like, I left one up there for, I shit you not, three months by accident. I actually left two up there.

[Anna Akana]

What?

[Anna Kai]

Because here's the problem. You put it up there and. Because there's no, like, you're not, like, on heightened alert because you're not going to get TSS from it. It's like, medical grade, like, silicone or plastic or whatever.

[Anna Akana]

Was it like a Dam though, like, no, no.

[Anna Kai]

Like, I just. I left it up there and then I didn't think about it. And then I, like, put another one up there. My second cycle. And so I go to my gyno for my annual. And, you know, she's got the speculum. Shut up. And then she goes, I see something shiny up there. And I was like, what? She was like, hold on, let me see. And she gets those massive ass pliers, you know, and she goes in and. And I was like, what the fuck could be shiny? I was like, do I have, like, you know, hiv? Like, oh, my God. I was like, what is this? You never want your gynecologist to be confused when she's looking at your vagina. And then she, like, literally pulls out this menstrual disc that's been sitting. I don't even know how long it was in there for, to be honest. And she's like, oh, wait, hold on, there's another one.

[Anna Akana]

What?

[Anna Kai]

She pulls out the second one. And I was like, oh, yeah. I guess I've noticed that I've had very little discharge over the last couple months because, you know.

[Anna Akana]

Did he not. Did your husband not feel something?

[Anna Kai]

Oh, no, I wasn't. This was a long time ago. This was not. I was single, okay? Freaking single as hell. And, like, you can have sex when you have a menstrual disc in. And what happened was it just kept getting shoved up there. So it's really, really up there. So I didn't feel it at all.

[Anna Akana]

Were there no physical consequences?

[Anna Kai]

I've been the guinea pig.

[Anna Akana]

But what happened? Okay, I'm confused because then you have three months worth of blood just accumulating behind this disc. Would it not have the pressure of blood just shot it out of your vagina?

[Anna Kai]

So what happened was because it went so far up there, the blood was, like, coming around it. So that's why I put a second one up there. It was so irresponsible of me, actually one of the less stupid things I've done. But, yes, it was really dumb. And I've done it a couple times more since then. I've left it in there for maybe, like a couple days more than I thought. But now every now and then, I just want him in the bathroom. I just, like, just check. Just like finger yourself and check. Make sure there's no plastic swimming around in there. But yes, that has happened. It's. Yeah, because at first I was like, did a condom get up there? Because I've lost a condom.

[Anna Akana]

It is, like, kind of A black hole. Like, it is, like, you just throw things in there. I had a. My friend convinced me to put a garlic clove up my fucking vagina once when I had a uti, and then it got stuck in there and it was too far to reach. And you're just, like, trying.

[Anna Kai]

Yeah. Why wouldn't you just get antibiotics?

[Anna Akana]

I don't know, because I thought, my.

[Anna Kai]

Friend so Asian, by the way, to, like, try to cure yourself.

[Anna Akana]

Here, I'll show garlic up there. Oh, it was awful. My doctor had to get it out and was like, why the did you do this?

[Anna Kai]

I'm actually really curious to what garlic looks like after it's been, like, fermenting in your vagina.

[Anna Akana]

Yeah, it's pruning.

[Anna Kai]

Was it, like. Did he pull it out whole?

[Anna Akana]

Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

Oh, okay. So it didn't really.

[Anna Akana]

It was soft.

[Anna Kai]

It wasn't like, smash garlic in your vagina?

[Anna Akana]

No.

[Anna Kai]

Like, no garlic press situation.

[Anna Akana]

It wasn't minced.

[Anna Kai]

Okay. It wasn't mint.

[Anna Akana]

It was just fermented.

[Anna Kai]

You know, you didn't do a good enough jogging on your. I'm sorry.

[Anna Akana]

I know the PH balance was off. I had a uti.

[Anna Kai]

Yeah. So you should have just gotten antibiotics.

[Anna Akana]

Yeah, I got antibiotics after that. And then I also had to deal with the fallout of having just garlic stuck up there for so long.

[Anna Kai]

Wait, what did that do?

[Anna Akana]

It, like, threw off my. I think I got BV from it. So then I had to start, like, bombing it with boric acid suppositories. Yeah. It was a time.

[Anna Kai]

Being a woman is so fun. It's so stupid. It is so dumb. And, like, I get horrible mood swings around that time of the month, which have since been mostly resolved since I've gone on Zoloft. It has really, truly saved my life. But let's talk about depression and trauma.

[Anna Akana]

Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

Okay. So one thing that you make very clear is that, like, there was, like, a before and after in your life, and that was when your sister commits suicide. Can you tell me about that? You were so young. She was so young. And you've talked about it extensively, but I remember watching your video from forever ago on YouTube about. I mean, you were just so raw on it, and I was, like, shocked, because most of the time nowadays when people cry on camera, it's a very rehearsed crying, but you just kind of, like, press play and just dumped it all out of there. What was your life before she commits suicide? And what was it after?

[Anna Akana]

Before it was, oh, I'm gonna go into the military, because that's what my dad wants me to do, and he wants me to be a doctor or a lawyer within the military. So those were my plans. And I was kind of raised with this expectation of, you're going to go to college for the military, you're going to become an officer, you're going to enlist in the Marine Corps, and this is what your life is. And so I would go to summer camps for rotc. I was like a part of Color guard. I was very much on that track. And, like, deep down, I always wanted to be an actor. I wanted to be an artist. But you're raised by someone who tells you that's not an option. And my brother actually was doing modeling and doing voiceover work as a child, and my sister got really into it, so she was doing it, but I was always like, oh, that's not my path. And I deeply envied them. And then she committed suicide in 2007. And at that point, you know, I think I was 17 at the time and really forced to look at my mortality and the fact that, oh, I am going to die someday, and life isn't fair, and things don't necessarily work out the way that you want them to. And it's bizarre to watch my friends go through that now with their parents passing away or, you know, spouses passing away, unfortunately, or friends. And I'm kind of known as the person in the group to go to when you experience death, to be like, how do I turn this into something? Do I turn it into something? How do I cope in a healthy way with it? But the after was really just a stark realization of, oh, I should go after the things that I want, because I don't know what we have beyond this. And I get this one precious fucking life. And so I've been really blessed where I was like, okay, I'm gonna not go to the military. I found standup, fell in love with stand up, started doing that, started doing YouTube, started doing acting. And I've just never really been afraid of trying things. Like, a lot of my friends get nervous about being bad, and so I don't want to try to do this thing, but it's really what I want to do. Or I have to go get a biology degree because that's what my Asian parents want me to do. And then after that, maybe I can try acting in my 30s. And I'm like, you don't have to listen to them. You are going to die. And so I think the. The after, yeah, it's also just made me, like, take Chances with love and, like, know everything is going to be okay and kind of has shown me what the real rock bottom of life can be. So everything else hasn't really seemed as bad in comparison.

[Anna Kai]

And I love what you said in that video. You said, you know, you wish she would have stuck around because there were so many more years for things to change. And I think as somebody who I've never been suicidal, I think there's a clear distinction between people who, you know, are truly on the verge of committing suicide versus I. I've had very bad clinical depression, but at no point was I ever, like, I want to end it. Just more like I got to a point where I was like, I could see why people end it because it's really pointless to live like this. But there's always this feeling that, like, it'll get better and, you know, you wish that she had that. Did you know, that she was that depressed or that, you know, unhappy with her life, that she was on the verge of doing that dear old work platform.

[Monday.com]

It's not you, it's us. Actually, it is you. Endless onboarding, constant IT bottlenecks. We've had enough. We need a platform that just gets us. And to be honest, we've met someone new. They're called Monday.com and it was love at first. Onboarding. Their beautiful dashboards, their customizable workflows got us floating on a digital cloud nine. So no hard feelings, but we're moving on. Monday.com, the first work platform you'll love to use.

[Anna Kai]

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[Anna Akana]

No, I mean, and that's the hard thing is we're never going to really know what the truth was. Like, did she have some kind of mental health issue? Was it the impulsive actions of a 13 year old? You know, like, everything seems like the end of the world when you're 13. Did she just do it to get back at, did she understand the severity of these actions? Like, these are things we'll just kind of never know. And so it's hard for me to classify necessarily. Like, was she even depressed? Like, I know she was upset. She had reason to be upset. She was being bullied. She was in a new school. She had been expelled from a previous school because like a bunch of boys had threatened to beat her up. And so she brought an airsoft gun to protect herself. And then she was the one who was expelled even though she had complained to teachers. Like, these boys have threatened to like, hurt me. This is before they even really took bullying quite seriously in schools. And so it's hard to know. It's really hard to know. And I think that that plagued me for like maybe seven to nine years of just like not having an answer and like being okay with the fact that I'll never have an answer.

[Anna Kai]

There's no closure. It's not like she didn't leave a note. She didn't like, you know, tell you guys, this is what I'm going to do. And so you guys are kind of just stuck there trying to like, you know, make an answer out of nothing. Did it bring you closer with the rest of your family?

[Anna Akana]

No. And actually my parents have never talked about my sister's suicide until I started doing my one hour special about it about a year and a half ago because I was like, hey, I need to fact check some stuff with you guys. And all of a sudden they're like, oh, it's for work. Yeah, sure you can. We'll talk about this trauma. So, Asian.

[Anna Kai]

Wait, so how did you guys handle it in the direct aftermath? They didn't want to talk about it.

[Anna Akana]

Didn't talk about it. We went to one group therapy session. My brother and I didn't like it. So they're like, you don't have to go. That was really it. And from then on, they were just like, be happy. Do what you want. Just be happy.

[Anna Kai]

Really?

[Anna Akana]

Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

Okay.

[Anna Akana]

But it's. It's actually weird because you say, like, the fact that she didn't leave a note. My whole life from 17 to 34. I thought she'd left a note and that my dad just wouldn't let us read it. And so I asked about it during this call, and he goes, no, there was never a note. And my whole family was like, wait, what? My brother and my mom thought there was a note that he just refused to show us.

[Anna Kai]

Wait, where was this assumption coming from?

[Anna Akana]

He literally. He read something that she wrote, and. But it turned out to be a diary entry. But I. We were like, what do you mean? You said, like, you would never show us. He was like, yeah, because it's her diary. It's private. I'm not gonna let you guys read that. But we were like, you said it was a suicide note. And he was like, no, there's no note.

[Anna Kai]

Okay. Interesting.

[Anna Akana]

Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

Okay. So you guys didn't talk about it for a decade. I mean, did they express any emotion at the time or anything? Or was there just basically just like. Like, let's just figure out how to survive.

[Anna Akana]

Everyone was kind of grieving on their own. You just went to different parts of the room and cried.

[Anna Kai]

You didn't cry together? No. Yeah.

[Anna Akana]

Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

I think that's a cultural thing. It's like, you don't want to express too much emotion because it's almost like you don't want to put your emotions on the other person, even though the other person's feeling the exact same shit you are.

[Anna Akana]

Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

You know, so. Okay, so that happened. You said you turned to drugs for a while.

[Anna Akana]

I did.

[Anna Kai]

Now you've created this amazing life, and you've obviously made something good out of it. But what happened there?

[Anna Akana]

My boyfriend at the time was really into drugs, and I was like, well, I don't like feeling grief. I, too, would like some drugs. So I started taking LSD and MDMA and, like, being really high every day. Yeah. There'd be moments where I was just tripping balls on LSD by myself in My room day after day after day after day. And then I worked at this, like, really shitty pizza shop called Villa Pizza in Temecula and also worked at GameStop. And I would just be like, high out of my mind, just tripping balls at these places, just working. And I was like, she died my senior year. So I didn't apply for colleges because I was like, what's the point of any of that, right? And did that for about two years, I think, just like bombing my brain with any kind of substance to like, get me to not be present anymore. And eventually saw Margaret Cho perform Stand up and had like, this really beautiful 30 minutes where my sister's death just wasn't in the forefront of my mind. And I, like, got relief and I laughed for the first time in ages. And also she looked like me. She's the first woman I ever saw who looked like me doing this. So I was like, oh, like, maybe I could do this too. And so from then on, I kind of felt like a renewed sense of purpose and I felt alive again.

[Anna Kai]

Margaret just saved your life.

[Anna Akana]

She really did. I have told her multiple times. She's like, I get it.

[Anna Kai]

She's like, okay, cool, cool.

[Anna Akana]

You don't have to say this every time. See me.

[Anna Kai]

That's amazing. I mean, I also think, you know, we were talking about how life isn't fair. And I really think that, because how many kids do a ton of drugs in their early 20s and don't survive to tell the tale? I just think, like, I did a ton of in my 20s that probably should have killed me. You went to work high every day for like two years, and now people try cocaine or MDMA once and they die because it's laced with. With amphetamines or fentanyl. And it's just so unfair. And actually, have you been following the story about that girl that's been missing in the Dominican?

[Anna Akana]

No.

[Anna Kai]

There's a University of Pittsburgh student that's missing and presumed dead by her parents. She went to Punta Cana on spring break and she's missing and they can't find her. And, you know, there's like surveillance footage of her being a 20 year old on spring break, drinking at an outdoor bar with some friends and some guys. And I was like, reading the YouTube comments, comments, and people were, you know, everybody has sort of, oh, it's. What is it? She should have gone home to see her parents. Like, she shouldn't have gone to the Dominican. It's so dangerous there. I'm like, dude, like, you weren't young and stupid ones. Yeah. Like, I've done so much stupid. And it's like, you could have died from any of that. You know, it's really weird how the.

[Anna Akana]

Online culture has made everyone so insensitive to now. It's almost like, well, what did you do? Yeah, that led you to be kidnapped.

[Anna Kai]

Yeah, it's. It's like, why are we. A girl literally was just out here living her life and, like, she probably is not alive anymore. Her parents asked the doctor officials to declare her legally dead because it's like, it's been 13 days. They're like, she's gone. And I was like, that is so tough. But they don't have a body. They don't have any answers. So I was thinking about that. I was like, wow, life is so unfair. And there are so many times when I just get down on just my life. I'm like, where do I want to be? Like, I let the negative talk get the better of me, but I also think, like, how many people would just kill to have the opportunity to just try? You know, you were saying, like, you're not afraid to try because I think when you really understand, like, literally, we could die tomorrow. Who cares? Who cares if you make a video and it doesn't hit? Who cares if you, you know, do a joke and it doesn't land right? How do you get over that in the beginning? When was your first stand up open mic? I assume you started.

[Anna Akana]

No, my first show, I did eight minutes.

[Anna Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Anna Akana]

Did eight minutes on an actual show. It was so bad. Life has been really weird to me where it's like, it just shortcuts me in every possible way, for better or worse. But I really enjoyed it. Like, the few times I got a laugh, I was like, oh, this feels good. I like it. I think what everyone could do is give themselves permission to be dog for a couple of years. Like, I've gone into everything I've ever done with like, yeah, you can be shit at this for a couple of years and then reevaluate like 5 to 10 after you've been doing it for a while to see if. Are you good at it? Do you like it? Are you improving?

[Anna Kai]

That's amazing.

[Anna Akana]

Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

And I think that's really important for people to hear because in our current social media environment, everything is so instantaneous. Like, you see people going viral like, overnight and people having these massive careers, and you don't understand that it probably took a lot of time for them to get there. And I think what's Inspiring about you to me is that you, you have longevity in this whole social media. I mean, you've proved that you can make a career out of it.

[Anna Akana]

It's been your whole career ever since GameStop YOLO. I think the last couple years I really worked on divorcing my satisfaction from results and tying it more to process, because I think, you know, especially coming from an Asian background, you're like, well, my dad's love is literally parallel to how much I achieve. And like, the only times my dad has ever really told me he's proud of me or he loves me are when I've achieved something. Something. And so it was really ingrained to be like, well, you have to create accolades. You have to, like, get to a different level. If you achieve this goal, then, like, things are okay and obviously that's no way to live. And then you're not happy with what you have and you start taking everything for granted. So now I'm much more process focused, which has oddly and ironically created more results for me. Like, the less I'm obsessed with the outcome and the more I'm like, am I enjoying, like, writing this script? Or, like, am I having fun, like, actually making this and talking about this? Then the results always tend to be better for me. But it's only when I'm not focused on that, when I'm so hyper focused on, like, well, I need to get to this thing and this thing and this thing. Then they're like, so elusive because you're not actually coming from a place of enjoying what you're doing.

[Anna Kai]

I love that. And yeah, and I think that's the. That's the thing is, like, my parents. Are your parents immigrants?

[Anna Akana]

Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

Okay, so my parents are immigrants too. And I think for them, the accolades and the achievement, that was a survival tactic. You know, they had to get to the next rung because they had to effectively put food on the table, you know, So I get that. But I think for us, it's like, it's just a weird thing that I've had to kind of. Because I'm very new at this. I'm two years in. Damn, girl.

[Anna Akana]

Okay, Anna.

[Anna Kai]

Which is wild. But then at the same time, I'm like, how do I stay in this business without letting everything that doesn't work out for me, even though so much has worked out get to me? You know, it's weird because in our.

[Anna Akana]

Line of work, it's almost like paycheck to paycheck, but it's big paycheck to big paycheck. But you usually have a lot of business expenses. You have a lot of things to do and, like, they're spread out so much more. So there is this kind of rationing that needs to happen. But your husband's right. Like, it is seasons.

[Anna Kai]

Yeah.

[Anna Akana]

And I find most often Christmas is when I have my mental breakdown. Because, like, the entertainment industry closes and you're like, there's no emails, there's nothing coming in. What do I do? Even though the whole year you've been waiting for Christmas break so you can be relaxed.

[Anna Kai]

Exactly. And then you spend all your free time. I went down a deep rabbit hole over Christmas. I used use TikTok like a consumer in the way that I've never used it before because I'm a millennial. I like Instagram. I don't do the doom scrolling on TikTok. I went down the TikTok rabbit hole. All I consumed was Luigi Mangioni content and that Muppet Madonna. I don't know if it's very, very niche, but I went deep down the Luigi Mangioni as a whole. He's really attractive. I was like, I would not mind it if he was like, oh, I don't know.

[Anna Akana]

I want to write him a letter. How? He said, everyone needs to limit three to five pictures now. I was like, I need to send this man a photo of my cats. I just need some photo myself.

[Anna Kai]

I would love to write him a letter. Kiss. He's like, I read all the letters. Imagine Luigi Mangione reading your letter.

[Anna Akana]

What would you say to him?

[Anna Kai]

I have no idea. I don't know. I'd have to think about it. Would you want to make it funny? Would you want to make it poignant? Like, he does seem like a sociopath in some ways, but, you know, did you hear about the thing that came out about him that apparently before he did what he did or allegedly did what he did, he filmed all these pornos of himself. All these, like, what, highly produced sex tapes. I know.

[Anna Akana]

Where are they?

[Anna Kai]

I don't know.

[Anna Akana]

Reasons for, reasons for reasons. Where are they? Where is this evidence?

[Anna Kai]

I know. For. For this evidence to give to the judge. Yeah. Somebody apparently, like a reliable source was like, I saw one of these sex tames and I wish I didn't.

[Anna Akana]

What does that mean?

[Anna Kai]

Well, they said he was really into filming himself in the act and it wasn't just like an iPhone video. It was apparently the women in them do not want to come forward and talk about it because obviously they don't want to be associated with alleged murderer.

[Anna Akana]

Oh, my God, why wouldn't you? I would be like, this will raise my profile.

[Anna Kai]

Like, I know. You should just come forward as one of these guys.

[Anna Akana]

I hate to break it to you, but that's me.

[Anna Kai]

Yeah, the footage. No one has the footage and nobody else is coming forward, so you might as well.

[Anna Akana]

I love. Did you see all the things on social media where people were like, I was with Luigi Mangione on December whatever. Like, the date and time that he killed the guy, and everyone's just doing little photoshopped images of them with him.

[Anna Kai]

I know. And all the, like, the AI stuff, it's actually ridiculous. I was like. But, you know, at first I didn't quite get the hype. And then, like, the turning point for me was when he got off of that helicopter in New York surrounded, and he just looked like a superhero. And I was like, oh, I get it. Yeah, I get it.

[Anna Akana]

I saw the photo they did of Luigi looking like a woman, and I.

[Anna Kai]

Was like, oh, yes, I know. And I'm like, wait, so you. Are you bisexual? Okay, so you are attracted to women too?

[Anna Akana]

Yes, I'm attracted to Luigi Mancione.

[Anna Kai]

Okay, got it. Woman or man? If. If he was a female version, you'd be attracted to him too?

[Anna Akana]

Oh, absolutely.

[Anna Kai]

When did you realize you were bisexual?

[Warby Parker]

I'm in love with my best friend's ex.

[Ashley]

My sister is having an affair.

[Warby Parker]

I think my therapist is emotionally unavailable.

[Ashley]

Did my mom just join a cult?

[Warby Parker]

These are just a few of the real life dilemmas we've helped our listeners sort through on our podcast. Unsolicited Advice.

[Ashley]

I'm Ashley.

[Warby Parker]

And I'm Taryn.

[Ashley]

Each week on Unsolicited Advice, we unpack our listeners dilemmas on air and give our unit unfiltered advice.

[Warby Parker]

So if you could use some help handling modern dating, workplace tension, family drama, and all of life's other curveballs, we're here to help.

[Ashley]

We may not be professionals, but we're the next best thing.

[Warby Parker]

Plus, we won't charge you a co pay.

[Ashley]

So whether you need some guidance of your own or just want to eavesdrop on other people's juicy stories, tune into Unsolicited Advice every Monday. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Anna Akana]

I think like middle school or high school. But then a friend told me I was just trying to be interesting. I was a straight girl trying to be interesting. So I was like, oh, I guess I'm just a straight girl trying to be interesting. I'm not bisexual.

[Anna Kai]

Horrible people are stupid.

[Anna Akana]

And also, it's a girl. I Kissed. So I'm like, I think you were just, you know, internalized. All this internalized homophobia was coming to the surface.

[Anna Kai]

But, yeah. Yeah, okay, so you realized that early. You came out pretty late, though.

[Anna Akana]

I came out at, like, 28.

[Anna Kai]

Had you been dating women up until that point, just in secret?

[Anna Akana]

No. I was like, I've always felt like my bisexuality wasn't real because I was overwhelmingly attracted to men. Like, there were maybe three or four women my whole life I've had romantic feelings for, and they were women I knew quite well. Like, and we started as friends first, so I was like, oh, maybe it just happens for women sometimes where you develop feelings for, like, your female friend. But then I talked to my friend Ash Perez, who's also bisexual, and they were saying, like, well, I'm mostly attracted to women, but I've maybe been attracted to, like, two men my whole life, but I'm still bisexual. And I was like, oh, okay. And then phrasing it that way gave me the validity and the validation I required to feel like, okay, I can own this label. And I have dated women since then, but I find it difficult because I really like a strong masc woman. I like a woman who looks like a boy who skateboards. Like, that is my type. But they're in short supply in L. A. And they're taken. And you have to find them the moment they break up and snatch them.

[Anna Kai]

Are they really in shorts? I figured this would be the place to find them.

[Anna Akana]

They are such hot commodities.

[Anna Kai]

Okay.

[Anna Akana]

They have limitless options. And I attract a lot of lipstick lesbians because my energy is so masculine and dominant that a lot of the little lipstick mommies are like.

[Anna Kai]

But you're not attracted to them.

[Anna Akana]

Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

Interesting. Your energy is masculine and dominant, but you don't feel like a man to me. Oh, thank you. I don't mean that in a good or a bad way. Okay. So is that why you've mostly dated men?

[Anna Akana]

Yes.

[Anna Kai]

Because you are attracted to that masculine. You almost need somebody to out masculine you.

[Anna Akana]

I do. And I've met maybe, like, two women my whole life who can. Otherwise, it just becomes, I'm the caretaker now. I am daddy, and I don't want to be daddy.

[Anna Kai]

You don't want to be daddy. You want to be the princess. You want to be taken care of. It's funny, because you're, like. Like, five feet tall and you're tiny. Think about that. And you're talking about, like, you in another life having this illustrious military career. And I was like, what? Not in combat, obviously.

[Anna Akana]

No, I mean, my dad taught me how to shoot and stuff when I was a kid.

[Anna Kai]

Okay. Yeah.

[Anna Akana]

I wasn't.

[Anna Kai]

I was gonna say. I was like, I don't think anybody's trying to send you out onto a battlefield. I'm so sorry.

[Anna Akana]

To be fair, like, when we did drills like Capture the flag, I would piss my pants in order to make sure we won. I would run with the flag full, piss my pants.

[Anna Kai]

Yeah.

[Anna Akana]

I was down for the cause.

[Anna Kai]

That is amazing. Do you think that in another life you would have just been okay in the military? Do you think you thrived? Do you think you would eventually just come back to comedy anyways? Or do you think, like, hey, because I always think about that. I'm like, oh, what would have happened if I just chose a different path? Like, would I have been happy? Would I have not. You know, I think if my sister.

[Anna Akana]

Had not died, I would have gone into the military, and I think I probably would have excelled in the leadership position.

[Anna Kai]

Okay.

[Anna Akana]

Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

Eating people. Yeah. You. You have a very masculine energy. Not that feminine energy. Can't be leaders. So your sister passing away so young. Can you tell me about how we deal with grief in the immediate aftermath? Because I think that's the toughest part, is that, like, you've had so long now to deal with it, but how do you immediately deal with grief? Like, when your friends come to you after they just lose the parent or after they just lose their spouse or a friend? What's your advice to them?

[Anna Akana]

I always tell people the false information about grief is that you're supposed to get over a person and you don't like if they meant enough to you and you love them enough, that relationship continues to evolve without them and that, you know, someone doesn't really die until the ripples they had in the world are gone. So in my mind, I'm like, I carry my sister forward with me. She has saved so many lives that she has no idea about. She's in my show. I communicate her story, so she lives on. And all these other people who, like, know of her. And a lot of the times I tell my friend, take all the time you need to actually feel your feelings. That's really important. I think in the aftermath, we want everything to go away. We want to jump back into work. We want to distract ourselves. But, like, feelings demand to be expressed, and if you're not processing them adequately, they're going to show up in different areas of your life. You don't want them to. And then I have a Couple of friends who lost someone really near and dear to them from, like, a sudden. I think it's called sudden epilepsy death Syndrome, where they just died in the middle of the night due to epilepsy. And they were talking to me, and they're like, what do we do with this? Like, we don't. We feel at a loss. And I was like, well, what you can do is they both had a platform, and I was like, you can create a organization to honor him and to help epilepsy research so that doesn't happen to any other kids. And so they did. They ended up being like, oh, okay, we can make meaning out of this. We can use this story. We can take our influence, and we can. I think they've raised to date, maybe, like, one or two million dollars for epilepsy research. And I was like, the best thing you really can do with grief is, like, make meaning out of it in a way that's gonna serve you and that's gonna save other people. And that gives us a sense of. I got this from Viktor Frankl, who talks about, like, suffering without meaning is just suffering, but if you can give meaning to your suffering, it can become this, like, beautiful thing. And so many beautiful things we have in the world are inspired by some worst tragedies that have happened. So I'm like, if you can make meaning out of this, like, and if you can own it, then, like, nothing else can touch you ever. And it could be the worst thing that ever happened to you, but also be the best thing that ever happened to you.

[Anna Kai]

That's amazing. And I think about that because I have not. I haven't lost many people in my life, but I lost my grandfather two years ago, and that was the first person in. You know, and when people say that, it's almost like I feel like I'm like, do you have a right to be even sad? Because he was 95 and he passed away peacefully? It's like, you know, it's the way we all hope to go. So I think about, you know, comparing that versus, like, your sister losing her life at such a young age. And I'm just like, I'm sorry, too. But, like, you know, it was time. He was sick for a while, but I thought I was so naive to how I thought about death before his death, because I was like, oh, you know, when he goes, like, we know it's coming. I'll be okay with it. And I really wasn't. I was like, wait, this person that was in my life is just not here anymore. Like, they're never gonna be here, you know? And regardless of what I think about, you know, after all of this, he's not physically here anymore. And I just had a really hard time with that. And I think ultimately what I realized was more so I was already creating content at that point, but I also just realized, like, what are you doing? If you're fucking around with people that you don't want to be hanging out with, if you don't want to be dating somebody, if you. You know, if you're waiting for a guy to text you back, like, you could die tomorrow, you know, people are like, how do you let go? I'm like, do you want to go to your grave knowing that you were waiting around for some douchebag to text you back? Or, like, with friendships, right? Like, there were some friends where I was like, we don't really need to be friends. Like, if it's like, you know, you're friends out of habit at a certain point, and you're like, we don't enjoy each other's company. Like, let's just not. His death, to me, brought a renewed sense of, I only want to spend time doing the things with the people that I want to be spending time with. I don't want to be, you know, doing things out of obligation. And I think. Think in your 20s, you do that a lot. You know, you're like, oh, I've kept a group of friends for a long time. Like, I should just keep up with them. Even though you've sort of grown apart and you don't have anything in common anymore, or, you know, the guy that keeps coming back in and out of your life, I'm like, these people, like, do you understand you're gonna die? You know?

[Anna Akana]

Yeah. I think most people are just wounds, walking around in a trench coat, and they don't have the understanding yet of, like. And I think it hits you at a certain point when you have the pattern enough times to be like, like, why the. Am I doing this? Yeah, why am I choosing this again and again and again in every person? And luckily, it does take. And not luckily, but, like, sometimes it does take something very jarring, like losing someone you've known your entire life and reckoning with the fact that you never get to talk to them ever again, as far as we know, in order for people to have that realization. But also, your grief is valid. You loved that man. He was in your. You knew him your entire life. If you weren't sad, you would be a fucking sociopath. Anna, and yes, it's a more quote unquote, natural death. Like, it's the natural order of things. That doesn't make it any less painful. Like, I think suicide's unique because it comes with a lot of guilt and shame. And what if, and especially losing a child comes with its own, like, unfairness, but it doesn't necessarily mean, like, yeah, my sister's death, it meant a lot more than your grandfather's death, Anna. Right, But I can understand how it feels that way. Like, I have a friend who, they adopted a kitten and one weekend this kitten developed a fatal disease and died. And they are fucked up about it. And they were like, we only knew this creature for a week. Why are we this sad? And I was like, because it was the promise of 20 years.

[Anna Kai]

Right?

[Anna Akana]

It's the dream that this was going to be your kid for 20 years. Like, and even now it's been six months. And like, I was talking to them and they're like, yeah, we feel so weird that we're like, still sad about this. And I'm like, but you get to be sad. You know, I don't know why we're always constantly trying to justify why we should feel sad or not sad. We live in a fucking like late stage capitalist world. We should be sad every moment of every fucking day. Like, it's that we don't get to like frolic in the forest and eat berries, you know, I, I don't know, I just think like, death is also this thing we don't talk about, so people don't know how to talk about it. And then it makes us not want to talk about it because we're afraid of getting it wrong.

[Anna Kai]

Right?

[Anna Akana]

And I'm like, there is no real getting it wrong.

[Anna Kai]

It just happens. Yeah, you feel how you feel.

[Anna Akana]

You feel how you feel.

[Anna Kai]

Woof. That was good. That was so powerful. Okay, so your sister's death, did it help you date in any way? In the sense that you didn't fuck around with douchebags or did you still do all of that?

[Anna Akana]

No, I mean, the douchebag thinks is because of my dad. I. For a long time, my. I feel like I have to earn love. So if I was with someone who just gave me love for no reason, I was like, there's something wrong with you. What? I haven't even proven myself to you. What's this for? So that's something I worked on for a really long time. And also I think with my sister's death, I found a lot of people who had experienced death themselves or were in the throes of it. Like one of my significant relationships, his brother had committed suicide relatively recently. And so we were together for so long because I felt like I was uniquely equipped to help him through that. And I felt like this need and responsibility bonding. Yeah, a little bit. But I think I've gotten a lot better in the sense of if I'm with someone and it's clear they're not choosing me, they're not changing the things that need to be changed, then I leave. But I give people a shot because I know that that kind of change isn't instantaneous. And I think we live in a world that encourages a dating culture that does not leave room for nuance. It doesn't leave the room required to communicate and learn how to love each other. Like there's almost a if he doesn't do this for you, like, fuck him. Or if she wanted to, she would. Or like all this stuff that kind of doesn't account for like how isolated and weird and hard things have become in a post pandemic social media driven world.

[Anna Kai]

Yes. But also then how do you. Okay, so if you're saying like, okay, if I'm going to give a guy a chance and he's not giving me the time of day, if he wanted to, he would. That doesn't apply. Then what does apply? At what point do you say this is not working out for me or when do I give him more chances?

[Anna Akana]

I communicate what I need and I give them an opportunity to change. And if, obviously if someone's not even giving me the time of day, that's a message. I'm not going to fuck around with someone who's in. Oops, sorry, that's my meter. That's. We're in la. I am such a strong believer in communicate the message, give people a chance. Because sometimes we're not mind readers, we don't know what we did wrong. And if someone's telling you it's because they care about you and they want you to change that. And if someone is still up after that, then yeah, kick them out of your life. They don't care enough to change.

[Anna Kai]

What do you hope for the future in terms of like, what your relationship looks like?

[Anna Akana]

I'm really ready to settle down. I think for a long time I was emotionally unavailable. I had a dating coach who helped me realize this. So I would choose emotionally unavailable people because I knew they'd never give me what I want. Well, I could freely express love and feel like I was going after love when I really, I knew in the back of my mind it was never going to work out. So I want to be with the partner. I want to be in a secure attachment. I want to, like, get married. Yeah. I want to have, like a nice, peaceful. I understand why all the old people are like, you bring me such peace.

[Anna Kai]

Yes.

[Anna Akana]

And that's why I love you. I'm like, yeah, I get it now.

[Anna Kai]

Yeah. I don't want to be challenged when I come home. Yeah. All right. Like, I am challenged enough in my day to day life when I go home. Like, my husband is my, like, comfort space. Right. We don't do exciting things together. We rot on the couch together and watch Dateline and are constantly reminded that it could be worse. You know, you could be dead.

[Anna Akana]

Yeah. Right? Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

Which is really the theme of this whole episode. I feel like you could be dead. So go for it. Fucking post the video, do the open mic, do the freaking eight minute stand up.

[Anna Akana]

Why not?

[Anna Kai]

Why not? Why not? If you suck, you'll be dead at some point anyways, so it won't matter.

[Anna Akana]

I'm sure you've given all the dating advice that there is in the world to people, but would you give specific advice if people are on the husband hunt?

[Anna Kai]

You know what? Allow yourself to be tired. I hear this all the time from people who are like, I'm so tired of dating. I'm like, nobody said it was going to be easy. Like, you know that when it comes to your career, Right. Women know that. Like, oh, it's going to take time, it's going to take effort. I'm going to have to do a lot of shitty things to get to where I want to be in my career. If you're career driven, I don't think we think about that in terms of dating. I think dating is a career, and I approached it as such. I went on three or four new dates a week in my 20s when I was single, during the periods that I was is, you know, really trying to find a husband. And it's a numbers game. And so it's like, if you're tired, don't be like, oh, I'm so tired, I can't do this anymore. It's like when you're on the treadmill at the gym and you're like, tired, what do you do? You're not like, well, I'm just gonna quit. Like, no, I'm gonna push through. And I think that's the thing. It's like, allow yourself to be frustrated and angry, but realize that that's Part of the process. And I think at a job, you can see, you know, if you're a corporate America and you're not where you want to be, but you're getting promotions all the way there, you can see all the steps. Every bad date leads you closer to the right date. So that's it, you know?

[Anna Akana]

That's beautiful. Yeah, you gotta. You gotta approach it, I think, with a little less emotional attachment.

[Anna Kai]

Exactly.

[Anna Akana]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

I mean, just let it suck if it has to suck. You know, not every. Some of us meet our significant others right away. Others like myself. It took me 10 years of living in New York to meet him. Well, I hope it works out for you and mystery man. We're not jinxing it. We're doing all the good juju, you know. Where can everyone find you?

[Anna Akana]

Anna Akana on all the social medias.

[Anna Kai]

Thank you so much for being here.

[Anna Akana]

Thank you for having me.

[Anna Kai]

This is great. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, my God. You are so intelligent. So funny.

[Anna Akana]

Oh, my God.

[Anna Kai]

No.

[Anna Akana]

That Diva cup story was so you.

[Taryn]

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