← Brutally Anna
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A healthcare facility includes disinfecting against viruses, you know prevention is the best medicine and maintaining healthy spaces starts with a healthy cleaning routine. Grainger's world class supply chain helps ensure you have the quality products you need when you need them, from disinfectants and cleaning supplies to personal protective equipment so you can help deliver a clean bill of health. Call 1-800-granger. Click granger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done I just have to say something. I am really proud of the fact that I do not own a thong. Why do I want to walk around with a permanent wedgie? My shorts, my pants already give me a wedgie. And honestly, for my discharge. Girlies, if you have discharge and you're trying to wear a thong, that ain't cute. And I know they make thong panty liners, but like, they don't work that well and it's just like a double wedgie. One time I remember I bought a thong in my 20s and I was like, okay, well I have a lot of discharge. How am I going to protect my panties from getting all gross? I bought these thong panty liners and in addition to the thong giving me a wedgie, now the panty liner was giving me a wedgie. It just felt like I had a diaper or a cotton ball shoved up my asshole and I was just not into any of it. So I was like, you know what? If people know I'm wearing underwear, so be it. Men get to wear boxers, okay? Boxers are basically gym shorts. If I got to wear boxers for my underwear, do you know how much more productive I'd be? I wouldn't be going around after I got out of the car, like doing this. If you're watching the YouTube, you can see me picking a wedgie or, you know, trying to be discreet about the fact that my Underwear is riding up my ass when I'm in a public place. If there is something that truly, I do not want underwear lines to show, I just won't wear underwear. Or, like, I'll stick a flex menstrual disc up there to take care of the discharge and then go commando. So much better. I'm sitting outside. It's the week before 4th of July, and we're gonna talk about timing, because I was at a celebration of life for Dave's uncle this weekend, and it was absolutely devastating. And that almost feels too cliche to say, oh, a celebration of life for his uncle, who passed very suddenly at 67, which is not old. It feels, like, almost disrespectful to say that, because something so big happened, and all of a sudden. I'm trying to sum it up in one sentence, but I don't know how else to say it. I was at his celebration of life. We were with Dave's whole family all weekend, and it was beautiful, all being together, but it was also just horrifically sad. I took a couple things away from this weekend. Dave's uncle was, I don't even want to say an amateur photographer. I guess that's what you call it when they don't do it for money. He was, by all senses of the word, a professional landscape and nature photographer. He took absolutely stunning images of birds, beaches. He just loved photography. He loved capturing the right moment. He loved learning about lighting, and he was just curious about nature. And his daughter said, one of my favorite memories with my dad was just waiting for maybe an hour or two hours or three hours in one spot for the perfect moment, for the bird to land right on the branch, for the sunlight to hit at just the right moment so that he could get the perfect shot. And so much about photography is waiting for the perfect moment. It just made me realize how much we settle for less than perfect because we're not willing to wait for. For perfect. And this can be applied to all things in life. So much of the time, we settle for almost the perfect guy because we don't want to wait for the perfect guy. And in photography, lighting is super important. And when you're dealing with sunlight, you only have certain hours of the day. You know, golden hour is literally only one hour, and during that hour, the light is constantly changing. So you have to be ready for the perfect moment in order to capture the shot at the perfect time. I love this idea for the fact that you don't just take a photo because you just want to get it over with. And you want to get the photo because the point of taking the photo is to capture nature in its element at the perfect moment. And so what in your life are you settling for because you don't want to wait? I don't know what it is. Maybe it's a house. You settle for buying a smaller house because you don't want to wait to save up. Well, okay, if you just saved up another year or two, you could buy a better house or something as trivial as clothing or investment pieces. Like, what are you buying to satiate your appetite for consumerism that ultimately is not going to make you as happy as if you invested in a piece that took longer to save up for, but would ultimately make you happier. Maybe it's not even so much about waiting, but about being present moment by moment, so that you're aware when the right moment comes. Because Dae's uncle, when he was watching the light unfold in his camera, he's not just scrolling on his phone absentmindedly while he's waiting, he's looking through the lens. He's watching the light change through his lens. He's there watching the scene unfold. And then right when he's supposed to, he takes the photo. And I think that metaphor is so symbolic of his life and how we should all live our lives is that I remember him as being endlessly curious and kind for no other reason than the fact that he just wanted to learn about the world around him. Not because he wanted to seem like a curious, interested person, but because he just was. Life to him was about learning about other people around him. And I think his patience with photography really reflected that. It wasn't about him, it wasn't about the end result. And, oh, look what I can do with my photography. It was about, I really enjoy capturing the world around me at a time when the world around me is ready, not when I'm ready. One of the most bittersweet but poignant moments after he passed away a couple months ago was that he had entered one of his photos into a photography contest at the local botanical center, where they feature lots of photos by local artists. And they found out posthumously that he'd won that contest shortly after he'd passed away. And now his photo is on display at this botanical garden and museum forever. And you could call a coincidence, but I choose to believe in magic. I was having this conversation with his daughter afterwards and how they really just looked for signs of him still being present. And I don't know what you believe in if you're an atheist or you're agnostic, forgive me here, but here's what I think, and I think what helps me accept the fact that we're all going to die and I'm going to watch everybody I love die, is that we are too fucking stupid as a species to know everything. And the fact that dogs, I think, can smell 30 million times better than we can, and some animals can see trillions more colors than we can is a prime example of why our senses are very limited. And so, as somebody who wasn't raised with religion, I think about spirituality and when I think about what happens after death, and if there are so many things we can't smell, can't see, what happens to us after we die is actually scientific. But we don't have the tools to measure it, just like we don't have the tools to make ourselves smell like dogs can. And I think there are so many examples like that where those of us who truly can tap into those senses, like they say we only use 10% of our brain, right? Well, what if we use the other 90%? What if there was a way to unlock that and we just don't have the technology to unlock that. So maybe what happens after we die is that some form of our consciousness stays around and we just don't have, at present moment, a way to measure that. This weekend was incredibly sad, but I think in times like these, you really can just distill what's the most important. And I want you to remember that what's most important in your life one day, whenever it ends, hopefully very far into the future, is not going to be other people's opinions of you. It's going to be how authentically you lived your life for you. And that's what struck me about all the speeches at his celebration of life. It was just about how present he was with himself, with his family, with the people who mattered. He was not a flashy guy, and he was a devoted father and husband and friend, and that's what matters. And I think so often we get caught up in, well, what is everyone else going to think of me? Like, what will they think of me if I do this or do that? That we forget? What do we think of ourselves? You know, the older I get, the more that I realize that I really don't care if other people like me. I only care if I like myself. And a lot of times, me liking myself involves not going to things that people want me to show up to. It's not feeling obligated to go on Vacation to Europe when everybody else is going to Europe this summer. Because I really don't enjoy international travel. It means for Dave and I, honeymooning in Palm Beach, Florida, instead of going somewhere outside of the country. And those things may not give me any brownie points. I'm not gonna stoke envy in anybody by saying, I went to Palm beach for my honeymoon, but that's okay, because I can live with me. And hopefully you can live with you too, with the decisions you've made. Because the most insufferable thing I've found are the people who make decisions then can't live with it because they're so afraid of what everyone else thinks. It's like the person who doesn't to go to a birthday party because, honestly, they're tired, right? Like, sometimes the best answer to something is just, I don't want to go. You not wanting to go to something, you not wanting to show up to something is enough reason. You don't have to come up with some idea like, oh, my gosh, like, I have Covid. I can't go. I have a family emergency. You don't want to go to a party. You should just not go. What happens to people is they're like, okay, well, I don't want to go to this party, but I also don't want to seem lame. I don't want to miss that. Or, I don't want this person to think I'm a bad friend and not showing up for them for their birthday party. So instead of just not going and living with the consequences of my decision and knowing that even if they do think I'm a bad friend for not showing up for them, I'm showing up for me in this moment. And in this moment, I cannot show up for both me and my friend. Instead of doing that, they go to that friend, and then they ask for validation. They're like, I'm sorry, I'm not going to your birthday party. Like, I just can't. Like, mentally, I'm a wreck. Blah, blah, blah. Like, or are you gonna be okay? Like, are we gonna be okay? And they constantly badger the friend for approval to the point where all they're looking for is validation. And at that point, it becomes not about showing up for your friend. Cause at this point, you don't give a shit about not showing up to your friend's birthday. You're hoping to get some validation from your friend that you are not a bad person for not showing up. It's not about the friend. It's about you. And that's your ego. And so you gotta kill your ego in life. You should show up just as hard as you don't show up. That mean. It means that if you're not going to go to something, don't apologize for not wanting to go somewhere because you don't have a good enough excuse not to go somewhere. How many times have you gone to a party or gone out with your friends because everybody else was doing it and they've peer pressured you into wanting to go out? And at the end of the night, it's 2am, you haven't gotten any sleep, you've drank a bunch of alcohol that you said you weren't going to drink, you've spent all this money on cabs and bar tabs that you didn't want to spend. And you get home and you're like, I really didn't need to do that. I could have seen my friends in a different environment. We could have gone out to dinner next week and I could have been in bed by 10 and instead I went out, I did what everyone else wanted me to do. And now I don't feel good. And you wake up and you're hungover and you're paying for it the next day and you're like, shit, that was $200. I didn't really even need to spend. And there you go. You are sacrificing what you want for what everyone else wants. But by the same token, if you don't go out with everybody, this is what I mean by don't show up. Just as hard as you show up. Do not go and make it anybody else's problem if you're not going to show up. You know, don't go to the party and then text all your friends, oh, is it okay that I didn't go? Is Emmy mad at me because I didn't go? Don't show up just as hard as you do show up. If you're not going to go somewhere, don't make it anybody else's problem to make you feel better about not going. Because I've seen this happen so many times. It's like you don't want to go just your friend Emmy's birthday party, right? Because you just know she's gonna be drunk, she's not gonna remember you even being there. It's just gonna be a bunch of people you don't wanna see because you love Emmy, but you don't love her friends. And you really don't wanna go, but you don't want her to think you're A bad friend, and you don't want her friends to think you're lame for not showing up. So instead of just in your power, not going and saying, I'm sorry, I can't make it, I will take you out to dinner to celebrate your birthday at another time. I. You say, ugh, I can't make it. I have got this thing. I've got to study. I've got to do this. Is that okay? I'm so sorry. I can't make it. Like, no, seriously, like, is it okay? Like, your friendship means so much to me, and now you're putting it on her to tell you that it's okay not to go to her party? Don't do that shit, okay? Because now it's not about her. It's about you. You are trying to make somebody else give you the permission that you can't give yourself. Give yourself that permission. Don't let anybody else take that power from you. I don't subscribe to this whole, you're only young once, like, do everything now. There are some things that you just know are not gonna be fun, and then you go and do them, and you're not wrong. The only thing you're really gonna regret at the end of the day is not necessarily not going to the party, but spending your time in a way that doesn't feel authentic and true to you. And so whatever your thing is, whether you'd rather spend your Friday night knitting or baking, go do that. Live in your truths, regardless of what other people think. And I know that's so cliche, but the thing is, we all need to hear it, because all of us, including me, even though I have done a much better job the last few years of being my weird, authentic self, all of us do things so that other people will think of us a certain way. And the older I get, the more I just want to do things so that I can look at myself a certain way. If that means Tom, Dick, and Harry think I'm a loser, well, then maybe I am a loser to Tom, Dick, and Harry, but at least I'm not a loser to myself. I actually said this to my mom at one point in my early 20s. I said, doesn't really matter who I marry, because I am pretty sure I can just make it work with anybody. I can mold myself to any man that I want to mold myself to. I'm a fucking chameleon. I didn't even say that ironically. I said it like I was proud of that. That I could just blend into any environment and it's so laughable because 10 years later, I realized I am not for most people. Actually, I have some extremely weird preferences. One of those is I would prefer not to go to Europe. And I'm okay with all those things. I'm okay with the fact that people think I'm lame or difficult or kind of a bitch. Like, whatever, man. I'm the happiest and the most at peace I've ever been. And if you don't like in this current stage, well, then you just don't like me. And that's okay. I'll live. You'll live. You'll find people you like, I'll find people I like, and I'll find people who like me. And so I look back at that moment when I told my mom that I could just marry anybody. Cause I could make it work with anybody. And I'm just so proud of the fact that 10 years later, I don't feel the same way. Like, I've truly grown. And look, I'm plenty immature and I'm plenty dumb. I like to say I'm a dumb bitch. And I've done a lot of dumb things, and I'll continue to do a lot of dumb things. But one of the things that I am proud of is the fact that I'm no longer a chameleon. I'm like, I don't know, an anaconda. I'm an iguana. Like, what doesn't blend into their environment. That's me. I'm the opposite of camouflaged at this point, you know, if I don't want to be somewhere. Actually, you won't even know if I don't want to be somewhere. Because if I don't want to be somewhere, I just won't go. At this point, it's not even like, oh, what is that iguana doing in a forest full of koalas? It's like, there's no iguana. It's just a forest full of koalas. All the koalas are happy because they're all koalas and they're together and there's no iguana. I'm actually curious. Are iguanas solitary creatures? I just thought of, like, the weirdest looking animal I could think of for that analogy. Are iguanas solitary creatures? Ah, yes. So my instincts were correct. Yes, iguanas are generally solitary creatures in the wild. They prefer to live alone and become territorial, especially males. During mating seasons, they'll stake out and defend their space, whether it's a sunny branch, a Rocky outcrop or a burrow from other iguanas. So, yes, I am an iguana in a forest full of koalas. Rest in knot peace. To how much of my life I gave up trying to be that girl for every single guy I dated in my 20s trying to like UFC. Oh, my God, I don't like UFC. I'm so sorry. And by the way, if you ever see me at a UFC match, it's because Dave is. Is a massive UFC fan and I will go and support him. But, like, personally, you will never catch me watching UFC on a Friday night like the pay per view. If we're getting it, it's because Dave's getting it. I don't like ufc, but I did pretend to like UFC for one of my exes. I even have my scuba diving license, which is wild because I can't even do. It's not the breaststroke. I don't know what it is. What is that stroke that Olympic swimmers use when they swim? That's how little I know how to swim. I can basically stay alive in water. And the fact that I have my scuba diving license is hilarious. These are all of the things and the relics of my past. I've tried on a lot of personalities, and most of them didn't fit. And maybe sometimes that is the journey. Maybe sometimes you do have to pretend to be everybody else in order to realize that you are not everybody else, that you are you. And it took a long time for me to realize that. I tried to be everybody else, and then I realized that I am me. I'm an indoor dog. I think so much of what we do these days has to do with what it'll look like to everybody else on social media. Well, I have to do this. I have to have a party for 4th of July. I have to have a party for my birthday because I have to have something to post. I have to show everybody else that I'm living a worthy life. Because if everyone else thinks I'm living a worthy life, then I will feel like I'm living a worthy life. And that's not how it works, because you realize everybody else is going to look at your life and think it's amazing, and you're going to look at your life and be like, wait, I just did all this shit I didn't want to do. What was the point? And so your worthiness, you living a life worthy of what feels true. It doesn't come from how many people view your stories, doesn't come from how many people like Your posts, it comes from you doing exactly what you want to do. And for me, doing exactly what I want to do is generally doing nothing. I don't want to do anything. When I tune off, when I'm not working, I'm not jet setting off to Europe or Asia. I am at home in Connecticut with my family, basically living a pretty boring existence and I'm okay with that. I was talking to a friend about this and the idea, it's like, well, don't you want to see other cultures? Don't you want to be cultured and expand your mind and horizons? And here's a bone to pick with those people who think that traveling expands your mind and makes you less of an ignorant person. Girl, I know plenty of ignorant people who have traveled to all the continents. Traveling doesn't make you a more open minded person. You being receptive to other people in other ways of life, regardless of whether they live in Italy or Kentucky, that makes you an open minded person. I think a lot of people travel because they want to come off like a well traveled cosmopolitan person. But at the end of the day it's like, okay, if you're just going to all the tourist attractions in Italy or Paris, like, how much does that really change the way you think or see the world? You checked off a box. Sure it's something to post, it's something to tell your friends when you get home, but how much are you actually expanding your horizons? So don't fall into that bullshit trap. You want to go to Italy and eat your face off and not look at any landmarks, go do that too. If you were going to Italy and your goal is to eat as much pasta as possible, do not feel obligated to go to the Trevi Fountain with everybody else. Seriously, don't go and eat as much pasta as possible. And then when people ask you what you did, say, I went to Italy and I ate my body weight in carbs and it was the best trip ever. I was sitting at a bar one time with Dave, this is maybe two years ago, and I wanted oysters. We got a dozen oysters to split between the two of us. And I was drinking at the time and I really wanted an espresso martini. So I ordered an espresso martini and the bartender was like, ew, you're gonna have an espresso martini with oysters? That's disgusting. And I was like, well, I'm not forcing you to drink it. And by the way, why do you give a shit? I'm gonna pay for it. It's not like I'm asking for a free espresso martini. And then he goes, well, it's your choice. And I'm like, yeah, it is my choice. And I think maybe 10 years ago I would have heard, ugh, that's such a disgusting combination, oysters and espresso martinis. And I would have been like, oh, well, what do you think is a good combination? And he probably would have suggested something like a dirty martini. And like, I don't really like martinis. And I would have been like, oh, okay, you're right. Like, let me get a dirty martini. And I would have had a dirty martini with my oysters, and I wouldn't have liked it. And. And for what? So I could get the approval of a bartender that gets off on telling women that their drink orders paired with their oysters suck. No, thanks. I'm going to drink my espresso martini, my adult chocolate milk, if you will, with my oysters, and be happy regardless of what that man says. So wherever this Fourth of July finds you, if it finds you at a bar wanting to order fucking apple juice with oysters, do it, all right? Do whatever the fuck it is you want, regardless of what other people say. Because in the spirit of Independence Day, be independent, let your freedom freak flag fly, and I will see you next week.
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You know that feeling when you're about to score 30% off? But they want your number?
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Ugh.
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