Navigating Life's Unwritten Chapters feat. Loren Ridinger

Summary

Brutally Anna: Navigating Life's Unwritten Chapters feat. Loren Ridinger

Episode Release Date: March 10, 2025

Introduction

In this poignant episode of Brutally Anna, host Anna Kai engages in a heartfelt conversation with Lauren Ridinger, a renowned entrepreneur, global business leader, and co-founder of Market America and Shop.com. Lauren shares her deeply personal journey of love, loss, and resilience, offering listeners an intimate glimpse into her 36-year relationship with her late husband, J.R., and her path to self-discovery following his untimely passing.

Meeting J.R. and Building a Legacy

Lauren recounts the serendipitous meeting with J.R. at the age of 18, highlighting how their relationship defied conventional logic and societal expectations.

[05:02] Lauren Ridinger: "I fell in love with this man who instilled in me when he had nothing else to offer but that type of presence."

Their partnership was not just romantic but also entrepreneurial, as together they envisioned and built a legacy that transformed lives globally. Lauren describes how J.R.'s unwavering belief in their shared vision played a crucial role in their business success.

Overcoming Parental Doubts and Pursuing Dreams

Lauren opens up about the challenges she faced with her father's lack of support for her aspirations. Despite his discouraging remarks, she found strength in her relationship with J.R., who empowered her to pursue her dreams.

[10:19] Lauren Ridinger: "I think he did it. I think our parents give us what they can give us. They give us all they know how to give what's given to them."

This section delves into Lauren's struggle with familial expectations and her determination to carve her own path, ultimately leading her to become a successful entrepreneur.

The Strength of Communication in Marriage

A cornerstone of Lauren and J.R.'s enduring relationship was their robust communication. Lauren emphasizes the importance of honest dialogue and addressing issues head-on to maintain a strong connection.

[15:42] Lauren Ridinger: "Every six months, we sat down and we say, what don't we like about each other this month? How can we fix that? How can we adjust?"

Their commitment to regular, constructive conversations helped them navigate countless challenges, reinforcing their bond over decades.

Coping with J.R.'s Sudden Passing

Lauren shares the devastating impact of J.R.'s unexpected death during a trip to Croatia. She reflects on the profound grief and the initial days of numbness and anger she experienced.

[23:50] Anna Kai: "The first early days? I would, if I were really honest, I would say I was in a fog."

Lauren discusses how the untimely loss forced her to confront deep-seated emotions and the struggle to find her footing amidst overwhelming sorrow.

Navigating Grief and Finding Peace

Transitioning from grief, Lauren explores the journey toward healing and self-love. She emphasizes the importance of cultivating a strong relationship with oneself before seeking new connections.

[42:32] Lauren Ridinger: "I need to be in the best relationship with me now, you know, I need to fall in love with me again."

Her insights offer a roadmap for listeners grappling with loss, highlighting the necessity of self-compassion and personal growth in the healing process.

Embracing Spirituality and Signs from J.R.

Lauren delves into her evolving spirituality, sharing how she perceives J.R.'s presence in her life through signs and an enduring connection.

[28:22] Lauren Ridinger: "My whole life has grown, you know, and, you know, I wasn't the type of person who was so religious. Jared and I used to say, we have our own church in our house."

She discusses the comforting belief in energy and the spiritual bond that transcends physical existence, providing solace in her daily life.

Lessons Learned and Moving Forward

In the latter part of the episode, Lauren reflects on the lessons gleaned from her long marriage and subsequent loss. She underscores the significance of embracing change, letting go of the past, and finding joy once more.

[41:33] Anna Kai: "Want to be for 36 years, mind you, every day."

Lauren's transformation is a testament to resilience, illustrating how embracing one's new reality can lead to renewed purpose and happiness.

Conclusion

The episode culminates with Lauren encouraging listeners to honor their past while forging ahead, emphasizing that healing is a personal journey marked by self-discovery and acceptance.

[43:50] Anna Kai: "Cause he cares."

Lauren's narrative is both inspiring and relatable, offering a beacon of hope for those navigating similar struggles. Her story serves as a powerful reminder that even in the face of immense loss, it is possible to find light and rebuild one's life.

Where to Connect

Lauren Ridinger invites listeners to connect with her across various social media platforms under her name, Lauren Ridinger. For those interested in her memoir, Scrambled or Sunny Side Up, Lauren provides insights into her transformative journey and the enduring love that shaped her life.

Final Thoughts

Brutally Anna delivers another compelling episode, blending authentic storytelling with profound life lessons. Anna Kai's empathetic interviewing style allows Lauren to candidly share her experiences, making this episode a must-listen for anyone seeking guidance on love, loss, and personal growth.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Lauren Ridinger [05:02]: "I fell in love with this man who instilled in me when he had nothing else to offer but that type of presence."

• Lauren Ridinger [10:19]: "I think he did it. I think our parents give us what they can give us. They give us all they know how to give what's given to them."

• Lauren Ridinger [15:42]: "Every six months, we sat down and we say, what don't we like about each other this month? How can we fix that? How can we adjust?"

• Lauren Ridinger [28:22]: "My whole life has grown, you know, and, you know, I wasn't the type of person who was so religious. Jared and I used to say, we have our own church in our house."

• Lauren Ridinger [41:33]: "I need to be in the best relationship with me now, you know, I need to fall in love with me again."

• Anna Kai [43:50]: "Cause he cares."

Key Takeaways

1. Resilience Through Communication: Regular, honest communication is vital in maintaining strong personal and professional relationships.
2. Self-Love Post-Loss: Healing begins with fostering a loving relationship with oneself before seeking external relationships.
3. Spiritual Connections: Embracing spirituality can offer comfort and a sense of continued connection with loved ones who have passed.
4. Lessons from Loss: Personal growth often stems from navigating profound loss, leading to a renewed sense of purpose and happiness.

Join the Conversation

To delve deeper into Lauren Ridinger's journey and explore more episodes like this, subscribe to Brutally Anna on your preferred podcast platform and follow Anna Kai on social media @maybeboth.

Transcript

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[Lauren Ridinger]

Dear old work Platform it's not you, it's us. Actually, it is you. Endless onboarding, constant IT bottlenecks. We've had enough. We need a platform that just gets us. And to be honest, we've met someone new. They're called Monday.com and it was love at first.

[Anna Kai]

Onboarding.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Their beautiful dashboards, their customizable workflows got us floating on a digital cloud nine so no hard feelings, but we're moving on. Monday.com, the first work platform you'll love to use.

[Anna Kai]

Welcome to Brutally Anna, a podcast about finding love, losing love, and all the things we think about but don't talk about. Enough. I'm your host Anna Kai, AKA maybe both across social media, here to remind you that life can be beautiful even when it's freaking brutal. Today, I'm honored to have Lauren Ridinger as my guest. Lauren is a powerhouse entrepreneur, a global business leader, and a woman whose story will move you to your core. Truly. As the co founder of Market America and Shop.com, she and her late husband, J.R. built a legacy that has transformed lives and inspired millions around the world. But Lauren isn't just a successful businesswoman, she's a storyteller, a visionary and a survivor. Her latest book, Scrambled or Sunny side up, is a deeply personal and raw memoir that chronicles her love story with jr, their shared dreams, and her journey of rediscovering herself after an unimaginable loss. Lauren opens her heart to share the realities of grief, love and resilience, reminding us that even in life's Darkest moments, there's a way to move forward and find the light. Thank you so much for being here, Lauren.

[Lauren Ridinger]

I'm so happy to be here with you. I'll pay you for that intro later. That was a good one. You can take it.

[Anna Kai]

You can use it. I wrote it.

[Lauren Ridinger]

I'll take it. I love that. That was beautiful. Thank you, honey.

[Anna Kai]

Thank you so much. It's so good for you to be here in this space with me. You look amazing. You are what I aspire to be in however many years that is.

[Lauren Ridinger]

So. You're incredible. Well, you know, I'm a big fan. I love watching your whole. All your podcasts, and I just. I was excited to get to spend the end of the day with you because I was like, you know, it's been a long, emotional day. At least we're gonna have a lot of fun.

[Anna Kai]

We are going to have some fun. We're going to laugh, hopefully not cry.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Well, we can cry, too. I always say crying is part of the journey. It's part of the process right now. And everybody kind of falls in love with the idea of being super successful. They fall in love with the idea of winning, making it happen, but they gotta fall in love with the process, you know? And, you know, grief is a process.

[Anna Kai]

And speaking of process, you've been through quite a process with your late husband, J.R. you met him at 18.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

Wild. Can you tell us about the moment you met?

[Lauren Ridinger]

Yes.

[Anna Kai]

And what it was about him that made you, in your words, throw caution and logic out the window?

[Lauren Ridinger]

Yeah. It's so true that you said that, but saw him. I was consulting at a company. He was consulting at a company, and I was working as the office manager. And he came by and he was like, oh, you're a tiger. I was like, this guy's trying to come onto me. You know what I mean? And he's like, no, I'm not trying to come on you. I don't like you like that. And I was like, okay. So he was the new guy. I saw him at a club later that night, and I was with, like, a group of friends, and I was like, I'm going to go ask the new guy to dance. See if he wants to dance with me. And I asked him, and he said, no, I'm not interested. And I was like, okay, you don't want to dance? He's like, nope, maybe later. And so I was like. My friends were like, why would you care if he danced with you or not? Forget it. I was like, no, I'm going To go back and ask again. And I did, and he rejected me again. And I must have really fallen for him at that moment. You know, I was young, and I just thought he was so interesting. And I listened to him the day before in a big meeting, and he was brought on to consult. He was from Jersey, and I just thought he was so interesting. He had nothing to offer. He certainly had no interest in me at the time. And I just. I think I was on a mad pursuit for him.

[Anna Kai]

You know, 18 is so interesting to know what you want and to find what you want and you would still want it decades later. Because I remember the guys I was dating at 18. Thank God.

[Lauren Ridinger]

I know. I remember some of my friends. Exactly.

[Anna Kai]

Did not stick.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Didn't stick.

[Anna Kai]

The people I want. You know what it is, too? It's like, I don't think I had much of a vision for my life at 18 that included the guy. And I think that's the thing that I learned as you get older, is that if you have a vision for your life, you also have to find a man that will not only fit into that vision, but help you build it. And at 18, you know what? You kind of want to be 100%, but then you think the guy is a completely separate entity. You just want to date a cutie.

[Lauren Ridinger]

You just want to date a baddie. And I did. I dated the high school quarterback for a moment, and then I was like. After that, I was like, okay, I'm good. And I met this guy, and I was so intrigued. And he talked about being an entrepreneur, and I thought I'd never heard that word before. You know, back in 1989, when I'd met him, there was no such thing as nobody talked about being an entrepreneur. And I was just completely enthralled with who he was and what he talked about. Little did I know he had nothing to offer. But he took me on this wild journey with him to discover the Internet and that people would shop online one day. And he used to say, one day there will be the mall without walls. And I used to say, really? And he's like, yeah, you'll buy all your clothes, your shoes, your makeup. And that seemed crazy. Cause as women, we wanna go in the store at that time.

[Anna Kai]

We want to test.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Yeah, we wanna test. We wanna try. And today we can buy anything online. And he would, you know, travel state to state, driving around and, you know, ask me to go with him and talk to this, you know, handful of people. 5, 6, 7 people. Then today we speak for thousands but back in the day, it was five, six, seven people. And he'd say, you know, we're gonna have the mall without walls, and you buy whatever you want online. And people would look at us like we were crazy. And I remember one day after the meeting, you know, I could see people and how they would look at him. And he was like, wow, that was a great meeting, wasn't it? And I was like, well, I don't know if they agreed with us. He goes, it doesn't matter what they think. What matters is what you think. Lauren, what do you think? Do you believe in us? Do you believe that we can do it? And I was like, yeah. He's like, okay, you do it tomorrow. I was like, no, I can't do it. I cannot speak like you can. I'm not a public speaker. I've never spoken. I'd rather die. I don't want to be up there. Please don't make me do this. He's like, you'll be great in San Antonio tomorrow. And the whole way, driving to San Antonio from Houston, I was thinking, how am I going to break up this guy? I don't want to be with this guy. I'm scared to death. I didn't want to disappoint him. I didn't want to embarrass myself. But I got there and I got up. I was like, hi, everybody. My name is Lauren Ashley. And I fainted. And I was like, this can't be. And I remember waking and looking over. All seven people were, like, fanning me. I was traumatized. And he looked at me and he said, get up. You were great. Your San Antonio's 98 degrees. They turned the AC off. Anyone would have fainted. You're going to be amazing in Dallas tomorrow. Get in the car. Let's go. And I got in the car thinking, I don't want to do this. But you know what was amazing was he didn't get in the car and say, you're right. You're not a good speaker. Stick to driving. He got in the car and said, you're going to do it again. And that is what I fell in love with. I fell in love with this man who instilled in me when he had nothing else to offer but that type of presence. And I think that we're so often brought up in an environment where we're told we can't be something. Oh, don't go for being an astronaut. That's too hard. Why not stick to being, you know, X, Y, Z. And we don't go for our dreams. And I just wanted to go for it with him.

[Anna Kai]

Well, you know, what's interesting is that he, unlike most people, rewarded your failure, whereas we are conditioned in a society to reward success.

[Lauren Ridinger]

So true.

[Anna Kai]

And that's the problem is, I think especially, you know, when you're working in corporate America, they reward success to the point where then people don't take risks, because if they're afraid to fail, they're.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Not afraid to fail.

[Anna Kai]

Take risks, and that's when you stop innovating.

[Lauren Ridinger]

You really stop. You're exactly right.

[Anna Kai]

You have to continue to fail no matter how you are.

[Lauren Ridinger]

I think about a time where I remember right before COVID or right after Covid, our office had, like, over inventoried a whole lot of product to the point of, like, millions of dollars. And I was like, are you upset that there's, like, all this inventory is like, nope. Because people can make mistakes with the right intentions. Their intentions were right. They didn't want us to run out of product. We'll learn from it. They'll get it. And, you know, I think you're right. I think people are afraid to fail. And they're afraid to fail from the time we're little till even when we get into corporate America, as you say. And he just really empowered me to believe that I was possible. And to me, that was everything. Cause I know my dad didn't believe that. I know my dad didn't think that that was possible. He used to say, you think you're gonna grow up one day and live in a beautif house and make it. It's impossible. That doesn't happen for people. And I remember those days, you know, and they hurt. And I wish so often. I always make sure I tell my children, be happy. Do what you want to do. You know, thrive, you know, whatever makes you smile is what you should focus on doing. I didn't. I remember those days. How bad they sharped when my dad made me feel like I was insignificant or I couldn't be something. They cut me.

[Anna Kai]

Why do you think he did that?

[Lauren Ridinger]

I think he did it. I think our parents give us what they can give us. They give us all they know how to give what's given to them. And so I think he didn't. In his mind, he didn't want me to be let down by society. So he wanted me to go in and say, okay, go be a flight attendant or go do this. And not that that's wrong. It's just not what I wanted to do. And I think that when you realize that you will let people down around you, that you can take a mental vacation from people, even if you love them and say, you know what, Dad, I love you, but I'm checking out. I'm not gonna be available for a while. If you need me, call me. I'll always be here. But right now I gotta check out from you. And when I did is when I started to thrive. You know, when I realized that you can still love your dad and not be with your dad all the time and listen to his input or his advice. Cause it'll hold you back. And not everybody has that, but some people do. And I did. And that really hurt. And I didn't want that to become my identity. I didn't want him to lab me as something that I didn't want to be. It's often happened to so many people. I. I remember he woke up one day when I was 18 and a half. He's like, you're going to go be a flight attendant. It's like, I don't want to be a flight flight attendant. I'm going to do something with this new boyfriend from the mall without walls. We're going to start the Internet. We're going to. You know, I didn't know what I was talking about. I was just talking. We're going to start this thing called the Internet on the world Wide Web. Dad, it's going to be great. He's like, you're dreaming. Go be a flight attendant drove me over to this place on Greensboro, North Carolina. He's like, you gotta go apply for a job. And I was like, there's no cell phones, no Ubers, no Lyfts. You can't call a friend and pick you up. And I got in line. I gave them all the reasons why I shouldn't get the job. I don't want to be here. I don't want this job. My dad made me come. I got the job. I got the job. And the funny thing is, literally, I got the job. I had to go to Atlanta to train for four weeks. And Jared called me. He was my boyfriend. Then picked me up at the airport after four weeks when I was getting ready to go work for this big company. And he said, if you don't go home right now and tell your dad, you're not gonna do this, you're gonna become somebody you never meant to be. And I thought one of the most life changing moments of my life. And I did. I fired my dad. I fired him. I took a mental vacation from him. It didn't mean I didn't love him. And I put me first. And I went on this journey with this guy I ended up spending 36 years of my life with. And it was incredible.

[Anna Kai]

I think what's great is that you finally let go of that innate need we all have to get approval from our parents.

[Lauren Ridinger]

God, it hurts. It's cr.

[Anna Kai]

And we do it in the weirdest way. Sometimes. We're like, no, no, no. I'm my own person. And it comes out in the strangest of ways. And you finally said, you know what? I can love him, but I can also be rejected by him, and that's okay.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Exactly. I can take a mental vacation and just say, you know what? I'm gonna step away. And it's true. And I think that, you know, it was the best thing I ever did. And ultimately, my dad became a big supporter. And ultimately, you know. Cause it was hard. J.R. was 36. I was 18. So it's like, what's going on here? He didn't have anything to offer. My dad was like, is he a drug dealer? Is he this? What is he? And I, we're just gonna make it. We're gonna do something big. We're gonna change the world. We're gonna help people make it. We're gonna help people become entrepreneurs. Nobody really knew what that was back then. You know, it was very early 92, when we were really starting to talk about our company.

[Anna Kai]

So your relationship with J.R. spanned 36 years? Yeah, decades. Countless challenges.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Oh, God.

[Anna Kai]

What do you think was the secret to keeping your connection so strong?

[Lauren Ridinger]

I think communication. And he was a firm believer that you don't just throw out the word divorce. He was like, let's fight it out. You know, let's go fight it out and then have sex afterwards. Let's go fight it out and fix it. And, you know, I love that he liked that. I love that he wanted to fight for it. And I think it took him a while to come around. I fell mad in love with Jerry first. I used to tell him all the time, I love you. I love you so much. He's like, I like you a lot. Don't let it go to your head. And I'd be like, what are you doing? You're gonna lose me, dude, wake up. You're gonna lose me. One day I'm gonna be gone. I'm 18. You're 36. You don't have anything to offer me. And yet I'm in this with you knee deep, and I want to but you gotta make me feel good. He's like, I am. I like you so much. Don't let it go to your head. I think he knew what he was doing, and I fell mad in love with him. But ultimately, our communication was incredible. And sex was great, and communication was great. And I think we weren't afraid. Like, every six months, we sat down and, you know, my fam. My team knows this. They all know we sat down and we say, what don't we like about each other this month? What don't we like about each other this six months? How can we fix that? How can we adjust? And the rules were, you couldn't get mad. You had to be able to have that conversation and not hate each other by the end of it. And I think it worked. I really do think it worked. You know, I recall some tough ones that were. Ones like, you know, he would say to me, like, I don't like when your brother and I have a disagreement. Cause my brother's the president of our company. He's like, if we have a disagreement, you automatically take his side. And, you know, normally I would say, like, oh, come on, Jer. Don't be a baby. You're the leader of the company. It's my brother. Come on. What do you expect? And I was like. And he goes, it really hurts me. How do you think it makes me feel? And I had a hard time processing that one. Because it's your brother, you know, it's your blood. But I came in differently. So in the future, I would say things like, you know what? I understand how you feel. I don't want you to feel that way. That wasn't my intention. Let's work on this. How can we handle this? Even if I didn't agree with him, it changed the whole dynamic of the conversation. It made everything better. And I think, you know, there was days I wanted to kill him. I mean, there was days you want to have a knockdown, drag out. I mean, when I was 18, I was awful. I'd go in and break everything in his house if he did something to upset me. He thought I was a lunatic. Jer was never ready for me.

[Anna Kai]

But I. Carrie Underwood, for He cheats in the. You are. The song embodied.

[Lauren Ridinger]

He was. He had lots of girlfriends early on. And I was like, what are you doing? Are you crazy? You're gonna lose me. And I think when he really realized, like, she's no joke. She's not playing. Like, she's broken everything left in my house to break. You know what I mean she's gonna go for it.

[Anna Kai]

The only thing left is my body.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Exactly. And I was close, you know what I'm saying? So and he started to do the work and that was the difference.

[Anna Kai]

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[Lauren Ridinger]

Visit us [e-mail] I could see him doing the work. I could see him working on himself. I could see that he wanted to make the effort to not make it about he, but make it about we. And that was the big conversation. That was the difference.

[Anna Kai]

Well, see, and the thing is, a lot of people think they can change a man, but you can't change a man unless he wants to change himself. And I think what you and J.R. had is that he wanted to change for you.

[Lauren Ridinger]

He did.

[Anna Kai]

You didn't really want to change. You were just like, this is it.

[Lauren Ridinger]

This is what it is.

[Anna Kai]

I'm going to leave.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Yeah. And I was tolerant with girlfriends. I was tolerant with all that stuff. I kept saying, don't you want to just have, like, a. Just me and you? And he was like, I'm getting there. I'm getting close. And I was like, okay, well, every time you go out with somebody, I want you to visualize me on a date with them with somebody. And he did not like that at all. And the more I put that on him, the faster that ended. You know what I mean? It's like. But the shit we do when we're young is so different than what we do today. And I think it was part of our journey, part of our discovery of each other, part of our tolerance. You know, I think we all figure out what our tolerance level is. And he wasn't on the same time zone as me at first. It took him time to feel the same way I did.

[Anna Kai]

But isn't it incredible that a man can be that much older than you and he can be less mature than you? Cause he needs more time to figure it out.

[Lauren Ridinger]

I think it's. I think it's normal in many ways. I think it's normal.

[Anna Kai]

Men, their frontal lobe is.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Yeah. Not till they're much later.

[Anna Kai]

Much later in life.

[Lauren Ridinger]

And.

[Anna Kai]

Damn, that's true.

[Lauren Ridinger]

I was okay. I just. I learned to deal with it. And I had words with him. And then one day, it just all came together, and you could just tell that the work he was putting in and the work I was putting in because I was immature. You know, I was doing crazy stuff. And. And, you know, we made it come together, and we made it work. And, you know, here we began this incredible journey, changed our life and so many people's lives.

[Anna Kai]

Do you think you would have been an entrepreneur if you had him at jr? I'm curious as to what your dreams were.

[Lauren Ridinger]

I think I would have been a journalist.

[Anna Kai]

A journalist. Interesting.

[Lauren Ridinger]

I think I would have been a journalist on the news or something. That was kind of where I was going. Yeah, kind of what I was going.

[Anna Kai]

Cause what were your dreams prior to 18? You had, presumably, a vision for yourself.

[Lauren Ridinger]

I didn't have big dreams at 18. I think I was living my dad's life. I think I was living somebody else's life. I think I was going to ultimately become somebody I didn't recognize. I talked about it with my dad that I wanted to be on the news. I wanted to be a journalist. I wanted to do this. He's like, that's not for people like you. And I thought, who are people like me? You know what I mean? I just couldn't comprehend that. So it was easy. Easy to have JR Come along and for me to fall in love with the vision, for me to see, like, you know what? I could fall in love with this guy. I could fall in love with the vision. I could see the future clearly. He would explain it to me so well. I was intrigued by him. I loved his intelligence, and I wanted to go on this forever journey with him. I just didn't expect it to end as it did. You know what I mean? I was just beginning to get to this new phase of our life.

[Anna Kai]

Speaking of it ending, you know, in your book, you detail your Croatia trip. And if you had known it was your last trip together, would you have done anything differently?

[Lauren Ridinger]

I would have done it sooner. I would have done it a lot sooner. I put it off. He had asked me for some time to go away and take some time for he and I, about a year before, and I just said, let me get to our 30th convention for our company. We're close. As soon as we do that, we pull out all the stops. We don't know if we'll ever see another 30th convention. I remember clearly telling him that. So we should do this one big. And as soon as we do this one big, we were going to go to Ben and Jennifer's wedding and then get right on a plane to Croatia. And, you know, I lost him three days in, four days in, and it was awful. I would have done so much different. I wouldn't have got on the plane. In fact, the plane had been canceled twice. It had broken down. We had a plane. My brother found another plane. There was all types of signs that I shouldn't have done it. I just wanted to make him happy. He really wanted to go to Croatia. It was on his list for a long time. It was one of his bucket list places. And that breaks me when I think about it. It breaks me because I couldn't understand Croatia. Not that I don't have any, you know, think it was beautiful. I just. We'd never been. I was like, why not Italy? We know we love it. Why not go to France and. But, you know, he's like, no, Croatia's beautiful. We should go. And of course it was beautiful. I just happened to lose him there. You know, and it was awful.

[Anna Kai]

Does that bring you any peace, though, knowing that he got to see Croatia before he passed?

[Lauren Ridinger]

Yeah, I guess. You know, have. I never really thought about it that way. It was. I was angry, you know, I was pissed off. I was angry. I was pissed off. I felt like I was robbed. I felt like he was robbed from me. I felt like my life was robbed. I didn't want it to end this way. I had put him off. I had done things by putting the business first, and he had done that his whole life. But this was the one year that he really wanted me to step away and just, you know, go do some things for him. And I. You know, I wish I hadn't waited. You know, I wish I had done it sooner with him. I wish we'd gotten to enjoy those things. And I suppose that, you know, God has a plan for all of us. I suppose that it's not our timing, it's God's timing. And I've learned to accept it for what it is. But it certainly doesn't make it any easier. You just learn to navigate it better.

[Anna Kai]

I'm curious, because his passing was so sudden, you didn't have time to prepare for it, how do you deal with those early days of grief?

[Lauren Ridinger]

Because.

[Anna Kai]

Because I always think the worst part about losing somebody is not just losing them. It's the next day and the day after and the day after. Every time you wake up, and for that split second in the morning, you forget, especially the day after, you know, you. You forget a month after you wake.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Up, where'd you go? Many a times.

[Anna Kai]

Yeah. Five seconds later, you're like, oh, wait, it actually says many times.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Why didn't he call me yet? Where is he? My phone hasn't rang yet. Where's J.R. and, you know, you just remember, he's not here.

[Anna Kai]

So how do you deal with the early days?

[Lauren Ridinger]

The first early days? I would. If I were really honest, I would say I was in a fog. I was in a daze. I was in the clouds, and they were dark. And it was a dark space. I would get up, I would take a shower, I would get dressed. Never a day would go by that I wouldn't make myself get up, go get dressed, answer the phone calls, deal with what I was dealing with. But I was in a fog. I was in a daze, and I was confused, angry, mad, sad, pissed off at the world, couldn't see anybody around me. I was mad that I had waited for our journey to begin. You know, I saw this, and he saw this. As like, our, you know, this. We're on the last quarter, you know, let's go hard. Let's go do this big. We've done this big company for 30 years together. We just celebrated 30 years. We probably. You're probably right, Lauren. We won't see this again. So let's go do it big. And that's what I thought we were going to do. And so it was dark. It was a very dark place. And I had, thank God, good friends around me, my family. Mark, who's the president of our company, have been amazing, amazing support for me. But my daughter, my grandkids. But you feel, you know, you're an alien almost, you don't fit in anymore. You know, you don't really know where you belong. All your friends that are couples, you know, you're not getting invited to things that are couples anymore. Everything looks different when you're. You know, you lost the person.

[Anna Kai]

Well, and a huge part is that I'm sure they don't want you to be reminded that you don't have your counterpart.

[Lauren Ridinger]

I'm sure. But that's the thing. You don't think about it like that. Then you're thinking about, like, this hurts. How come I'm not invited to the couples dinner? Cause you're not a couple. And they don't want me to be hurt. But, you know, it's like nobody knows what to say. So, you know, it's because we never talk about it. It's so taboo, the conversation of death. It's not something that we. And I know that you did an interview on it, which was so helpful, but. But it's really hard because nobody talks about it very much. And because they don't. Nobody knows what to say. Nobody knows what to do, really.

[Anna Kai]

So what do we do?

[Lauren Ridinger]

I think the one thing to do is not. Don't not do something, write a text saying, you know what? I'm here for you. You don't have to answer me, but.

[Anna Kai]

I'm here because maybe the thing to do if you're a friend of yours in this situation is, hey, we're all getting together, the six of us. I don't want to.

[Lauren Ridinger]

I don't want you to feel left out.

[Anna Kai]

I don't want you to feel left out. But I also feel obligated to come.

[Lauren Ridinger]

But we love you and we love you, so we're gonna leave it in your court. And that happens like, you know, sometimes. Like, Victoria and David Beckham will call me, say, you wanna go to dinner? I'm like, you guys sure. You want me to be third will in it. And they're like, we wouldn't call you if we didn't want you to come. And that always. You can always tell when Victoria means it. She's like, I want you to be there. Don't be.

[Anna Kai]

So once you've been married for a very long time, who cares?

[Lauren Ridinger]

Well, after you've been married for so long, it's like, you welcome extra. You're like, come on in. In guys like, yeah, we like having third party, four parties. You know, we love it.

[Anna Kai]

It's like, guys like, let's spice this up a little bit.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Exactly. In a PG way. It's a PG way.

[Anna Kai]

Yes, of course.

[Lauren Ridinger]

That's it, right?

[Anna Kai]

That's hilarious.

[Lauren Ridinger]

No, but it's true.

[Anna Kai]

Yeah. Well, here's the thing. Did you. You talked about, you know, I suppose God has a plan.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

Did your perspective on faith and spirituality shift after JR's passing? Were you religious before then? What were your thoughts about God in the afterlife before and after?

[Lauren Ridinger]

I think I've always believed in God. I always believed that there was something afterwards. Really? Sure. JR did. He was very deep in his thought. He, you know, believed that there was something after this lifetime that you would come back together at some point again. You can if you want to. And I would be like, okay, yeah, sure. But, you know, now, spiritually, my, you know, I believe in signs now. I believe in so much afterwards. I feel him around me often. I see the lights around me sometimes. He's controlling all the things around me spiritually. My whole life has grown, you know, and, you know, I wasn't the type of person who was so religious. Jarrah and I used to say, we have our own church in our house. We pray all the time. I'm a big believer in God, big believer in being grateful. But this was a different type of thing. It was really being spiritually aware.

[Anna Kai]

But how did you go from being angry at God to accepting and loving and loving him again and feeling JR in your presence?

[Lauren Ridinger]

Yeah, I think it's like. Like the same way. I was so mad at God and why would you take this from me? I had to find my way back and realize that, you know, God has everything written in this time. And God never leaves us. You know, we always have. We are always watched over. And I truly believe that, you know, J.R. was there with me always, and I didn't understand that. He used to tell me, we're all made of energy. And I used to tell him, well, something happens to me and you get remarried. I'll come and haunt you. I'll kill you. I'll come and haunt you.

[Anna Kai]

Wait, I say that all the time.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Today I'll come after you. You know what I'm saying? You're like, I'm gonna come and haunt you.

[Anna Kai]

I was like, you will never live this life.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Oh, no. And Jared was scared. I think he was really scared. He'd be like, this girl's crazy. But I think, you know, he's come back to me in so many ways of showing me, like, when I was really down, that he was still present. And, you know, ideas in my head that have happened that I don't even know where they came from. I'm like, is this my idea or did you pop something? You know, I just believe that, you know, we'll always be together in our own way. And that has helped me, you know, really find my way to see son again.

[Anna Kai]

And the topic of energy, what really gave me comfort? I lost my grandfather two years ago, and it was the first time I've dealt with death in my family. And I was very naive. I thought he was 95. We had time. We knew it was gonna come. And I thought I was gonna be okay. I thought I was gonna accept it. And I was like, I'm gonna be fine. It'll be sad, but not that sad. I was thinking about it and then when it happened, it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I had no idea how devastated I was going to be. And what gave me a lot of comfort is just realizing there's actually, you know, science behind it. Energy cannot be created or destroyed.

[Suzie Evans]

Welcome to Live Laugh Lies, where we dive deep into the complex, complex and often twisted world of relationships gone wrong. I'm your host, Suzie Evans, and each week we bring the real life stories from individuals deceived by those who they trusted most. From notorious media scandals to jaw dropping listener submitted stories, we explore the heart wrenching and sometimes hilariously absurd experiences to those who just wanted to Live Laugh Love, but instead got lies. Join us for candid conversations with guests who share their personal journeys and experts who help us identify red flags and navigate the dating jungle. But don't worry, we'll make time to include light hearted dating stories too, because it's safe to say that dating in our modern world is downright laughable. Tune in to Live Laugh Lies every Wednesday because sometimes the best stories emerge from the worst heartbreaks. Subscribe and follow on YouTube and wherever you listen to podcasts and join us because the truth, no matter how hidden is always worth uncovering.

[Lauren Ridinger]

I'm in love with my best friend's ex.

[Anna Kai]

My sister is having an affair. I think my therapist is emotionally unavailable. Did my mom just join a cult? These are just a few of the real life dilemmas we've helped our listeners.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Sort through on our podcast, Unsolicited Advice.

[Anna Kai]

I'm Ashley.

[Suzie Evans]

And I'm Taryn.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Each week on Unsolicited Advice, we unpack.

[Anna Kai]

Our listeners dilemmas on air and give our unfiltered adventures advice.

[Suzie Evans]

So if you could use some help handling modern dating, workplace tension, family drama.

[Lauren Ridinger]

And all of life's other curveballs, we're here to help.

[Anna Kai]

We may not be professionals, but we're.

[Lauren Ridinger]

The next best thing.

[Anna Kai]

Plus, we won't charge you a co pay. So whether you need some guidance of your own or just want to eavesdrop on other people's juicy stories, tune into Unsolicited Advice every Monday, wherever you get your podcasts. So it just moves into something else.

[Lauren Ridinger]

It moves into another form, and their love can be stronger.

[Anna Kai]

Yeah. So J.R. physically isn't here.

[Lauren Ridinger]

But he's still here.

[Anna Kai]

But he's still here. I mean, he may be haunting this room right now.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Oh, I hope he's haunting us. Exactly. For sure. I'm sure. I always say that. I'm always like, you know, and I feel like my granddaughter Ava, who's nine, she always tells me, mimi, Pop Pop is around. I saw a rainbow in the sky today. I saw an owl in the tree today. He flickered the lights. And so I think they also have a way of communicating with children. You know, I remember shortly after Jared passed away, my littlest grandson, who was just five at the time, you know, it was like a few days after Jared passed away, and he was downstairs in the basement, and I was walking past him, and he happened to be telling one of his friends who was playing air hockey with him, keeping him busy. He said, well, I'm gonna go check on my Mimi, but play with Pop Pop. He's right here. And he walked right away. And I remember thinking, does he see something I don't see? You know what I mean? Yes.

[Anna Kai]

Yes. And I'll add to that story because I was not raised with any kind of religion, so I really had to figure out later in life what I believed in. But one of my girlfriends told me this. She said, you know, when I was younger, my family and I moved into an older home. And at the time, her younger brother was two, right? Two or three, just starting to talk. And they moved into this house and his mom would always feed him in his high chair. And he'd always be looking in this one corner, and it's like a two or three year old, right? Who cares? Like, you know, they stare off into space and she's like, oh, you know, honey, like, what are you looking at? And he's like, uncle Charlie. And she's like, you don't have an Uncle Charlie. And she's like, oh, he's got an imaginary friend, whatever. And you know, and it would continue. And again, it went on for whatever, six months. And she's like, okay. Well, she would play along because she's like, oh, he's got an imaginary friend. And he's like, okay, so what's Uncle Charlie wearing? And he's like, he's wearing a green sweater. And you know, he's. And he'd always be smiling and whatever. And then one day, she doesn't think anything of it because again, kids have imaginary.

[Lauren Ridinger]

He's two or three years old. Crazy.

[Anna Kai]

And then she goes out and she meets the neighbor, you know, a couple months later. And they were like, oh, you know the man who lived here prior to you moving in, his name was Charlie. And he always. He was this older man who died in the house. He always wore this green sweater. He was like a very friendly man that everybody knew around the neighborhood. And she's.

[Lauren Ridinger]

There you have it. There it is.

[Anna Kai]

And her brother, you know, she talks to. He's an adult now. He's like, I remember him. I remember him. Specific. I still do. He was just a very real person to me. And I was like, but he was like a friendly ghost.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Wow, Charlie, the friendly ghost. I love it. The friendly ghost.

[Anna Kai]

But isn't that great?

[Lauren Ridinger]

And I think I believe in that totally. I certainly haven't seen Jair, but I've certainly felt him. And I've seen him control all the lighting around me multiple times with my friends and really pretty amazing experiences that could have never happened. And I think he does them often when, like, my friends are around to let me know, like, hey, this is real. Don't destroy. Cause, you know, I'm so practical, logical. Yeah.

[Anna Kai]

Well, I think that's the difficult part.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Is, like, you need to say, no, that can't be possible.

[Anna Kai]

Well, you want to say, oh, it's just a coincidence.

[Lauren Ridinger]

It's just a coincidence. It's the lights flickering, something's wrong with the electrical, whatever, but it's not. And so it's something that I've learned to really pay attention to now because he used to say, we're made of energy line. I'm never going away. And I believe that now. I believe this guy lives with me all the time. I love it.

[Anna Kai]

I feel like I could never do that.

[Lauren Ridinger]

I know, I know. It's like, no, that's it, exactly. You're like, okay, can't do anything wrong. Say anything wrong. No, we're still here, you know?

[Anna Kai]

And I. I don't believe in coincidences. The older I get, the more that I realize, because I'll tell you, after my grandfather passed away, you know, in Chinese culture, there's this morning period of 40 days. You know, all this. You're not supposed to, like, shower and everything I. I did, I was like, I'm taking that.

[Lauren Ridinger]

You're like, I'm taking a shower for.

[Anna Kai]

You're not supposed to, like, kill anything that comes into your house, whether it's an insect or whatever, because it could be your ancestors. And I was just so kind of overcome that I didn't pay attention to any of it. Right. But what I did realize happening was I was pretty early on in my influencer career at the time, and I didn't have a very big Instagram following. I had a big TikTok following, but not Instagram. And the moment my grandfather passed away that day, I started growing by 20,000 followers a day on Instagram, and it ended at day 40. And in 40 days, I'd accumulated 500,000 followers.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Stop.

[Anna Kai]

And for no particular reason, all my videos just started going viral. And, you know, I was just like, oh, whatever. Exactly. The day 41 dropped off, he just.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Showed you, I'm still here.

[Anna Kai]

It was incredible. And they say the 40 days is like, when the spirit of those things.

[Lauren Ridinger]

You need to rub on me later. That's powerful.

[Anna Kai]

And I was like, there's no way. And I was like, I believe it.

[Lauren Ridinger]

With everything you're saying.

[Anna Kai]

But I looked at the dates. I was like, why would it just drop off? Why did it start? And I looked, and it was exactly 40 days. And I was like, isn't there some. Cause I was trying to remind myself, it was like, what is the 40 day thing? In Chinese culture, 40 days is their spirit is still on this planet with us doing unfinished business before they leave, before they transition. Before they transition.

[Lauren Ridinger]

And you know what's so funny about this is, like, anybody watching this, some people are like, oh, my God, that happened to me. Or I can relate. And then other people are like, they're crazy.

[Anna Kai]

Yeah, exactly.

[Lauren Ridinger]

And you're like, okay, crazy. We're not that crazy. The Problem is, you've never been through it and we're not aware. It's like sometimes you called me crazy.

[Anna Kai]

Before this all happened.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Oh, listen, I've been called crazy lots. You can't tell it to everybody now we are, but you can't normally tell it to everybody. But to me, the 40 day thing, I mean, come on, the light thing, everything we've been through is so real. And I wouldn't have believed it. Like, you know, some of the lights, the way the lights would dance for me in the room when I would come in, I would think, like, if somebody told me this before, I would have thought they were cooking.

[Anna Kai]

Yeah. Or hallucinating or whatever. You're just wishful thinking. I'm like, girl, I did not wishful think that.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Yes, exactly. No, that happened for real. But you don't know it until you experience it. And so I think there's something beautiful in that. Don't you? Don't you think there's something beautiful in knowing that in the end, still there?

[Anna Kai]

I think what it is, it's like, you know, people are. You're crazy. And I'm like, honestly, we are too stupid as a civilization to know everything. I take a lot of comfort in being too dumb to know everything that, you know. They say, seriously, I'm like, they. They say we only use what, 10% of our brain?

[Lauren Ridinger]

10% of our brain. That frightens me.

[Anna Kai]

Yeah. And the people who, you know, you even on a non kind of, you know, medium spiritual level, you think about people like John Mayer who always talks about seeing sounds in color. He's accessing a part of his brain.

[Lauren Ridinger]

That we don't even use. We're not even used to.

[Anna Kai]

So many of us have different sides. You know, you think about, you know, you think about how like, you know, a lot of autistic children are prodigies in one regard because they've access to this other part of their brain. So who's to say that if we could access 100% of our brain that we wouldn't be talking to everybody that's passed? Honestly, probably be too annoying.

[Lauren Ridinger]

I think we can get to a certain level that we just haven't pushed ourself to.

[Anna Kai]

Right.

[Lauren Ridinger]

And I also think that we spend our life brainwashing ourselves to believe we can't do things. And so because of that, our brains used to tell us, you know what, you can't lose weight, don't go to the gym. You go a couple days, it's like, come on, it's you, you're so used to not going, don't go. And then you give in and you don't go. And I think that we kind of brainwash ourselves for what we've done in the past, that we don't know how we can see the future.

[Anna Kai]

Well, we get used to comfort.

[Lauren Ridinger]

No, we do. We're victims of comfort. We think it's a comfort zone when really it's very uncomfortable, you know, and it's hard.

[Anna Kai]

Well, and I think, too, it's like you have to get comfortable with what's uncomfortable in order to make the uncomfortable comfortable. That's how you grow, right? But then so many people just don't.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Understand that they're just. Just one inch away from leaving that box that controls them. One inch away from making a decision, one inch away from a whole different life, you know, and they can do that, but they don't. They hold themselves back. And I think one of the things about the journey of this book has been, like, me becoming a different person by the last chapter and finally saying, you know what? It's okay to smile again. It's okay to laugh again. It's okay to fly again. It's okay to do things I haven't done before. This is a new lawn. I miss that old one. I miss that life. But I have to embrace this new girl. And I think when we really open our hearts and mind, and I really felt I had to do this because I went through the depression. I went through, you know, deep sadness. I went through anger like I'd never experienced before. You know, my anger was off the charts out of control. And then I just wanted to find peace again. I wanted to become me again. I wanted to. You know, I miss the girl that laughed and smiled and made jokes. And so I knew that it was time to go. And I think that we hold ourselves back so often we hold ourselves back and that we just, you know, we don't get there. And I had lost all my confidence. I lost it all. You know, it's like you have this guy that tells you you're great. You know, you can be anything you.

[Anna Kai]

Want to be for 36 years, mind you, every day.

[Lauren Ridinger]

We didn't have nine to five apart. We were in the nine to five. If I was going down the hall, he'd be like, where are you going, babe? I'm like, to the bathroom. Do you know what I mean? It's like, that's how close we were. He did not like to be apart. You know, he would go skiing three days a year, and he would Beg me till he got on the plane to go with him. And I'd be like, get the hell out of here. I need a break. You know what I mean? It's like, I need a break. This is unhealthy. We are together 247365. And it was a lot, but at the end of the day, it was meant to be. And I really am so grateful for what we had and that love we have and will always have. And like you say, it never leaves us. I think it's a beautiful thing.

[Anna Kai]

And speaking of leaving, I want to end on this question because, you know, a lot of people are going through any kind of loss. It doesn't have to be the death of a partner. It could be just the loss of.

[Lauren Ridinger]

A partner, the loss of yourself.

[Anna Kai]

Loss of yourself. You know, so many people, like, pressure you to move on. You got to move on, all right? You got to just. Life continues on.

[Lauren Ridinger]

I wonder if they want me to move on or if they just want to know if I'll move on. You know what I mean? And I think it's.

[Anna Kai]

But how do you deal with that?

[Lauren Ridinger]

Like, how do you move on while.

[Anna Kai]

Also honoring the past?

[Lauren Ridinger]

It's such a good question. In fact, I just left a place where I was talking to somebody who said, oh, my God, I was going through so much grief. He had lost his fiance. Now he'd met somebody, and he was in a new relationship, and it's helped him. And the funny thing about it is people ask me all the time, will you date again? At first I was like, absolutely not. Now I'm like, I don't know what the future holds. I won't say never. But I just. Right now is not now. But I do understand why people go for a relationship right away. I think it makes them feel good. They're broken, they're hurt. And so whatever makes somebody feel better. In the worst space of your life in the. In the most broken down place where you don't know how to get yourself back up. I just feel like I need to be in the best relationship with me now, you know, I need to fall in love with me again. It took me a while to figure out what the mistakes were, what the things were that I loved about who we were. I had to find so many lessons in this certain 36 year journey of, you know, the. How do you want your egg scrambled or sunny side up? You know, he would ask me every day or what color shirt should I wear? I didn't realize that was Jarrah's Love language. I miss that. I used to think, like, why is he asking me that all the time? He's a pain in the ass.

[Anna Kai]

Cause he cares.

[Lauren Ridinger]

He cared, and I missed that. I thought it was like, do you realize how busy I am? Like, it's your eggs you're eating, not me. Okay, you wear blue or red. It doesn't matter. And I didn't realize how. And I was in a hurry. Always in a hurry, like, trying to get this done for him, you know, I worked for him in many ways, and so I wanted him to make sure that he would be proud of me for what I would do for him, but I didn't realize how important my word was for him. And so I would do. I would see that differently. I see it now as his love language. I see how important it was to him. I can see when he would write me a text, and I'd be like, why are you writing me a text? I'm right here. He'd talk to me, and he was like, no, no, I just want to tell you. I love. Just want to tell you. Or he'd walk away. And he said, will you come to bed with me? And I was like, yeah, yeah. Let me finish watching the movie. Five minutes later, I get another text. Waiting in bed for you. I can't sleep without you. You know how much I love you so much. And I think about how grateful I am. I have all of that. There's so many lessons in this journey along the way that you can see things that I never saw before. You know, things that when you've lost yourself, when you need to find yourself again. When I was down in the worst place of my life and thought I could never get back up, that you realize that there is sun again, that, you know, the rainbow does come out occasionally still, and you will see light again and you can smile again. And I think that is the most important part of this journey. That is a challenging journey because, as you said earlier, we don't discuss it and we don't talk about it, and we actually shield and shelter our own children from it from, you know, a young age. So it's. It's hard, but you can do it.

[Anna Kai]

That is such an inspirational way to end. Thank you so much. Aside from buying this fabulous book, where can everyone find you across social.

[Lauren Ridinger]

Oh, gosh. At Lauren Reitinger and on Facebook, Instagram, everywhere. At Lauren Reitinger. I'm just so excited. Thank you for having me here. I had so much fun with you.

[Anna Kai]

Thank you so much.

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