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Radhi Devlukia
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Unknown Speaker
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Anna Kai
Welcome to Brutally Anna a podcast about finding love, losing love, and all the things we think about but don't talk about enough. I'm your host Anna Kai, AKA maybe both across social media, here to remind you that life can be beautif when it's freaking brutal. My guest today, Radhi Devlukia, is the New York Times bestselling author of the cookbook Joyful, a mission driven entrepreneur, a podcast host and a wellness influencer with over 3 million followers across her social channels. With her background as a dietitian, Radi's content focuses on holistic wellness for the body, mind and soul and her work has been featured in Women's Health, Goop, the Today Show, Access Hollywood and more. She co founded the Sparkling Tea Juni with her husband Che Shetty and is to talk all things wellness and how sometimes you find love in the most unexpected spaces. Radhey, I'm so excited to chat today.
Radhi Devlukia
Thank you so much for being here. Oh my gosh. I've been such a big fan of your work. I need to say this on mic because I told you off mic but you are amazing and thank you so much for what you do. I feel like you help so many people, and you do it with so much joy and sarcasm, which I love. I love sarcastic humor. And you're just great. You're so articulate. So thank you. I'm so happy to meet you in person.
Anna Kai
Thank you so much. And I feel very similarly about you. We talk about slightly different subjects, but it's all kind of the same. It's all wellness, empowerment, how to feel better about yourself. So you grew up in the uk?
Radhi Devlukia
I did.
Anna Kai
Can you tell me a little bit about your upbringing?
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah, sure. I have incredible parents. They really. They were both immigrants. They came from Uganda, got kicked out, came to the UK as refugees. And they're just hardworking, loving, phenomenal parents that have just always tried to support, love, and nurture us the best way they knew possible, whether it was through food, through values, you know, just. They're wonderful. So shout out to my parents. They're really great. And I actually went on to. So I was not very good academically at all. I always just get bad grades. And so I was the, like, second child who was. I feel the first child is always academic and smart and gets everything right. I was a second child, which did everything wrong and was definitely not academic. And so I didn't really know what I wanted to do in life at all. Well, I think I did. I want. I thought I wanted to be a pediatrician. Like, I really wanted to work with children. And then after I realized I couldn't get the grades to be a doctor, I was like, how else can I do that? And my mom actually recommended doing nutrition and dietetics as a degree. At the time, I did not really know what that entailed, but I was like, she knows me. She knows best for me. I was like, sure, I'll do it. So I actually trained as a nutritionist and dietitian, and that was honestly brilliant because it taught me so much about my body. It taught me so much about health to the body level and the cellular level. And so it really built my foundation of becoming that connection between how food affects the body and then. How much more do you want from me? Cause I could keep talking.
Anna Kai
No, that's amazing. Your mom has been an integral part of your life in the two biggest decisions in your life, your career and your love life, which we'll get to in a little bit. But. Okay. You are a failed pediatrician.
Radhi Devlukia
Yes.
Anna Kai
A successful wellness entrepreneur at this stage. And you first studied Ayurveda. What is that? For people who've never heard of it?
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah, Ayurveda. So ayurveda means life for longevity and Veda means knowledge. And essentially it's a 5,000 year old practice that originates in Indian philosophy. But really it's so universal and it talks about how to create an internal environment and external environment to optimize your health and how each person is so individual that really what it does is give you the tools to understand your body better. And that's the difference between Western medicine and Eastern medicine or holistic medicine is that Western medicine will just give you a cure, whereas Eastern medicine will teach you about your body and the environment that you're in to curate a life that allows you to live with vitality. And that's what I fell in love with about it, that it is so individual, not one person is the same. How do I learn about my body and then how do I get to a point where I can prevent my. Prevent disease rather than just cure it? And in Ayurveda it says there's actually six stages to disease. And in Western medicine we really only catch it at the fifth or sixth stage. So why should, why not just create an environment where we can figure, figure see our symptoms and acknowledge our symptoms at stage one, two and three so we don't even get to a point of diseased health. And so that's just a glimpse of it, but it is it. I mean, I'm not an Ayurvedic doctor at all. I've just skimmed the surface of it. But it is a lifelong practice and it's, it's really a lifestyle more than anything.
Anna Kai
And I've heard so much about how food can be really healing because I, my parents are Chinese American. They really believe in Eastern medicine. But they believe in Eastern medicine in conjunction with Western medicine?
Radhi Devlukia
Absolutely.
Anna Kai
They think there's a time and a place for each. Right. It's like the whole Steve Jobs not going to chemo because he wanted to cure himself holistically.
Radhi Devlukia
I think there's such a beautiful balance between both the diagnostics that have come out, the tools that have come out in Western medicine mixed with Eastern ways of healing. I think the both together can be done. They can be done together and also work well together.
Anna Kai
So for you personally, have you seen that making small changes to your diet has really improved your overall health? I'm just curious, if somebody's just looking to live better and live in a more simplistic way and just make small changes to their diet, what should they do?
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah, I would say drastic changes are actually worse than everyone thinks, that when you change your life and it's like, especially in the new year, I noticed that it's like, new year, new me. I'm going to take everything out that's bad. All I'm going to do is eat healthy, work out, do all these things. And those drastic changes, look, our bodies do not like change. It scares our body. Like, change to us is, it brings fear. And so what you have to do is incrementally make small shifts every single day towards it so it doesn't just shock your system. And so I say the things that have made the biggest difference in My life was 12 years ago. I'll go through different parts because I feel like wellness is mental, physical and emotional and spiritual. And so one of the biggest shifts that I feel I made in my spiritual life was my meditation practice. That's every morning. And I've built up to do it for more than an hour. But even when I was doing 10 minutes a day or five minutes a day, it just opened my mind up to be. To no, I would say actually what it did was bring me back to myself. Like the presence, the feeling of presence in my body for my mind and my body to connect in one place. And I have a running mind. Like, my mind goes everywhere. And so I really needed something that grounded me and brought me back into my body. And I remember hearing this when I did my yoga teacher training, they said that your breath is the anchor between your mind and your body. And so breath work has been something that has transformed my life personally and professionally. So to get up onto a stage, to come on a podcast like this, to do things that normally would invoke fear in me, breath has allowed me to actually do them. And so simple breath work practices I like, we only use 30 to 40% of our lungs capacity because we breathe shallow every single day. It's that feeling of when you get to the end of day and you're like, you're like, wow, what a difference that one breath made. And so simple, deep breaths throughout the day. And taking moments to do that has been a game changer. And on top of that, there's breathworks for everything. There's breathworks to energize to stroke digestion. There's breathworks to relax your body. And so all these different types can, one, they cost nothing. Two, you have it all inside of you to use. And three, they just really change, change the root of your mood, your energy levels throughout the day. So breath work for sure. A meditation practice to ground you. And then in terms of food and health, yeah, I Just think every single time I think about what I'm putting into my senses, whether it's through my ears, when I'm hearing from other people, when I'm putting into my mouth. Every single thing that we put into our senses has the ability to affect every part of us. And so when I learned that, I was like, wow, it's not every time I think about having a cheat day. I've now changed my mindset around it because I actually grew up quite overweight. And it took me a long time to become comfortable in my body. And it's still quite a process for me. And I always think about and food. The relationship I had with food was emotional. I would eat. If I'm happy, it would be food. If I wanted to be excited with friends, it would be food. If I was feeling sad or angry, it would be food. And so, unfortunately, my connection to food was healthy in ways because I understood it, but also emotionally unhealthy. And I really had to retrain that because I didn't want to feel like anything was in control of me. I chose in my life not to drink alcohol, not to do drugs, not to do those things because I wanted to always feel in control of my body. The one thing that took me out of control was food. It had complete control over me.
Anna Kai
Because it was tied to your emotions.
Radhi Devlukia
Because it was tied to my body.
Anna Kai
Control your emotions. So you needed a physical manifestation of it.
Radhi Devlukia
Exactly. And so I found that really difficult. And so I started as the more I understood about food and its energetic value and how depending on the types of foods we eat, in Ayurveda it says there's three different modes. There's mode of goodness foods, mode of passion foods, and mode of ignorance foods. Actually, everything in the world can fit into these categories. The things that we do. And the more foods that you eat in the mode of goodness, the more vitality you feel in your body. What kind of foods are they? They're fresh fruits and vegetables, things that are picked fresh from the earth, things which are still have vitality left in them, for example. And then if you go to the mode of passion, they're things that stimulate you so, like caffeine, spicy food, really sour food, all the things that bring. You're like, oh, wow, that was all my favorite food. Energetic. Yes, exactly. And that, by the way, brings you energy and things, but it also keeps you in this mode of go, I want extremes. And then there's the mode of ignorance. Now, the mode of ignorance are foods that, that make you feel heavy Lethargic, not great about yourself. The day after. Deep fried foods, processed foods, high in sugar, high in salt. Like the things that I always think food, when you eat it is meant to bring you vitality and energy. As soon as you're eating something that does the opposite, that is a sign your body's telling you that something's not quite right. What you're doing is not right for this body. And so what I've started to do is learn to listen to the cues. So now I've really trained my body to have comfort food as food that is good for my body, that makes me feel good, not just in the moment, but I know will make me feel good the day after or the day after. That doesn't mean I don't love a slice of pizza, but that means I also know how much of it I can eat. Or learning the cues of my body was a huge shift in emotional eating for me of like, how is my body feeling? My emotions are feeling this way, but they will come and go. But what does my body need right now to calm my emotions? Because what you eat can also impact your nervous system. If you're having foods that are in the mode of passion, it's going to increase your anxiety. There's so many parts to it. And so I learned how to learn the cues of my body and that made a big difference. And I've forgotten the question because my mind goes everywhere.
Anna Kai
That was perfect. And I feel very similarly. But I have a question on a personal note. I am not addicted to anything. I have a very non addictive personality. Except to sugar. Except how do I beat my sugar habit other than going cold turkey, which I've done before, but then I always get back on it and then it's hard to quit to get back.
Radhi Devlukia
Okay. This is the first time in my whole entire life I can say I have been 30 days without having processed sugar. The first time in my whole life. By the way. I've tried this forever and on day one I would fail because I'd get to a point in my day and I'm like, I'm just, my head's hurting, I just need a bit of sugar.
Anna Kai
Just what's your favorite sugary?
Radhi Devlukia
Oh God. I'll take anything. A cookie, sometimes like a very hotel. Yeah, like Nutella out of the jar. I got into a habit of wanting something sweet at every single meal. And I realized how much it was impacted me. Not just my mental state, my skin, everything started suffering. I decided I was going to take it one day at a time, because 30 days, I don't even think I'd ever make it to 30 days. But I found things that I could substitute with and I think that's really important. I remember once hearing that don't think about what you have to take away. Think about what you can add in first. And that allows your body to feel like it's still got a mechanism or somewhere to go. So whenever you're trying to remove bad habits, it says think, find something that actually you are adding into your life. So it feels like a bonus so that taking away doesn't feel as difficult. So I started poaching fruit and that made a huge. So I would poach like apples, pears, berries, whatever it was. And I'd have that with a bit of yogurt or something whenever I felt like it. But I keep it in the fridge so I know whenever I'm craving something, I take a bite of that. And just having, I mean I was still including fruit because I don't think you should ever cut fruit out of your life. So I was still having fruit in my life. And then I also found some, some of my protein shakes, they have like chocolate flavored ones, but they've got stevia in it. And so I'm like, okay, great, I'm gonna have that every time I want like a hot chocolate or something, I'll have that instead. And so I honestly, within five days, one, my skin cleared up, which was insane. Two, I started feeling in the first few days I was getting this hangover, almost headache like that.
Anna Kai
It's a drug.
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah. Withdrawal, withdrawal symptoms. I was getting that. But every time I had fruit or I increase ow. By the way, the other thing I did was increase my protein. Okay, huge difference. It satiated me. And I can honestly say I've got to this 30 day point where I actually. It's completely changed my palette. I do not crave sweet things anymore. I'm like, it's in front of me and I don't actually feel like eating it. I would never thought I could ever get to that point in my whole entire life. But I'd say protein, having good substitutes, having things available that you know when you're reaching for something, you're going to go for the better option. And yeah, I say those two things, protein and that, that's really helpful.
Anna Kai
The poached fruit or just keeping healthy sugar around.
Radhi Devlukia
Alternatives. Yeah.
Anna Kai
Just because I know for me when I try to not bring anything sugary into the house and I'm just going to go off of Sheer willpower.
Radhi Devlukia
It scares you.
Anna Kai
Yeah. And it doesn't work. And then last minute I'm running out to the grocery store because I'm like, I just have to. Especially when you're hormonal before your period, I'm like, I just have to have a bite of ice cream. And you're like treat yourself. So that's actually really helpful. I'm going to do that. I'm also going to try meditating again because I've tried and failed to meditate for so long and I hear so much about how it helps people.
Radhi Devlukia
There's so many different types as well. And that's the thing. I think sometimes we think meditation looks a specific way, but it doesn't. There is like mantra meditation, there's sound meditation, there's silent meditation, there's. There's just meditation in so many different forms. And so I always tell people try different ways because your mind may. May be captivated by different things in different times. And so you don't have to stick to the one that you saw your friend do. Like experiment with that because you're also different in that way as well. You may not have the same connection to the meditation as your friend or your partner does.
Anna Kai
Effy, in addition to being a champion of physical well being, you are also such a champion of mental health. And I'm curious, you radiate such positivity, but where does that focus come from? Have you struggled on your own with mental health and what has that been like for you?
Radhi Devlukia
Absolutely. And I would say I still feel like your any positive mental health journey ebbs and flows. I just don't think it is a trajectory of going your. It's just onwards and upwards. It just doesn't exist in my opinion for what I've experienced. And I think different things will trigger you throughout your life. Different things will create turbulence in your life unexpectedly. You can't help that. Life isn't. Life is never going to be abundance of joy like we. It comes with all emotions are going to come to you. What I've realized is how you deal with them and how you protect yourself is what's important. So what I mean by that is what protective mechanisms do I have not to when I am feeling down not to stay in it. So I've learned what brings me back into a better mental state when I am feeling those things. And by the way, I probably cry every week. I just need to put that out there. I literally I and I go through phases where I feel lost like on a regular basis where I feel like, why am I doing this? What am I doing this for? Or like, scared and worried about losing people in my life. Like, I'll go through ebbs. I'm a very emotional person, so to help me control that, what I've noticed are things that. I've got a list of five things that I know that when I'm in that state, you can sit in it for two hours, but then get to your list, and that really helps. And that can be different for everyone. For me, movement. As soon as my mind feels stagnant or emotionally heavy, I need movement to lighten myself. Sometimes physical movement helps emotional stagnancy. And I will. Whether it's a walk, whether it's going on a workout, I will push myself to move my body. Because not only is there science to back it up, that it increases your serotonin levels and all your happy hormones, but there is an energetic shift when you're moving your body, whether it's dancing, whether it's tidying something in your house, like just creating some movement around you makes a difference. That. And then I have to release emotion because as soon as it's trapped in me, it feels like suffocating to me and too heavy. And so whether that. That's writing things out, crying out, which is usually the method I choose. Writing crying or speaking to someone, for me, the one that's probably lost in line, I actually don't release emotion through that. I usually have to process it by myself first. And so writing and writing and crying, those are my two other ways. And nature. I find nature helps me a lot. Like going outside, feeling the sun, feeling the air, like feeling expansive and realizing how much more is outside of me really helps me to move through emotions and get out of that state. So there's another few things that I do, but what I would say is find your joy list. Find a list of things that you know without fail. Find the song, find. I love that.
Anna Kai
The joy list.
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah. And just no, have it written down. If you're someone who gets into, like, difficult moods, regularly have your joy list as your background on your phone. And just know this is what's going to make me feel better. I know that these are the things that bring me out of this funk. And then you have your, like, it's almost. What's the word for it? A first aid kit for your emotions.
Anna Kai
Right.
Radhi Devlukia
So, yeah, I think that's really what I do. And. And yes, it's got easier because the more that you choose to get yourself out of it, the faster you choose to get yourself out of it. It's almost like you're training a muscle and so that and waking up to prayer every single day.
Anna Kai
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Radhi Devlukia
And it doesn't have to be a prayer to God. It can be a prayer to the universe. Like, whatever is. It's just taking a moment and thinking, God, I'm so grateful that I'm breathing today. Like, waking up every single day. And I think this every. I actually have started practicing every single day. The moment my eyes open, I'm like, thank you so much for this breath. Thank you. Thank you for letting me feel the sun. For me being able to walk the basic minimum things that we literally don't even think about, there is always something to find gratitude for. And we hate gratitude all the time. I feel like it's become such a. Okay, fine, I need to feel gratitude. But seriously, every time I think of a negative thought, I'm like, but what? But what? What else do I have that I can turn this into something good? And sometimes the negative doesn't feel good. So find something somewhere else. There's always somewhere to pull that from. And it doesn't have to be related to the sadness that you're feeling. We can feel both at the same time. There's so much duality. I can feel sad right now that I'm like, that. My grandma's 19. I'm, like, missing out on time with her. But at the same time, I can feel gratitude and joy that I have this breath in my body. And so I think we have to also get used to the idea of duality, of emotion, of feeling two things at once and not expecting joy to feel extreme joy and sadness to feel like extreme sadness. They can both be happening alongside each other, and that's also okay.
Anna Kai
I think what's been helpful for me as a human is I think we place so much importance on joy that we don't realize that there is a space for sadness that we're not. The point of life is not to be happy. And when I grasped that, I was like, I oddly felt better, because I think we're taught through social media or whatever it is these days that it's find your joy, it's find your it's. But how? Sometimes there are moments in life that will absolutely floor you. They will gut you.
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah.
Anna Kai
How are you supposed to find joy in that. It's not. Everything has a silver lining. And I just think sometimes you have to let things suck and really feel that.
Radhi Devlukia
Exactly.
Anna Kai
And then with time and really just being in the trenches of your life, can you figure out how to get out of it?
Radhi Devlukia
You have to process it.
Anna Kai
Yeah.
Radhi Devlukia
That's the point. I agree. You have to sit in your discomfort. You have to sit in it, but then you have to process it and then you have to let it go. Because the more you let it sit inside of you, the more it is eating you up. And yes, sit in it. Sit inside the discomfort for as long as you need to.
Anna Kai
Cry it out.
Radhi Devlukia
If you need to cry out, spend the days. But that sitting in it also means processing it. And that's what I think is important. There's a difference in wallowing in it. Is wallowing the right word? Yes.
Anna Kai
Wallowing.
Radhi Devlukia
It sounds weird. There's a difference in wallowing in it, and then there's a difference in sitting in it to process it and figure it out. And I think ideally doing the second and still being in it and feeling sad is okay.
Anna Kai
Yeah. So you've been with your husband Jay for almost a decade or over a decade now, right?
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah. Oh, my gosh, yes. 2013.
Anna Kai
Seven years. And just like your mom put you on your current career path, your mom put you onto Jay.
Radhi Devlukia
She did.
Anna Kai
Can you tell me about those early days?
Radhi Devlukia
Yes, I. My mom started volunteering at our temple, our local temple nearby. And she. The first day that she went to volunteer, she was taken around by somebody. That somebody happened to be Jay because he was training to be a monk at the time. And she was shown around by him, which, by the way, he'd never been asked to do that before or after. It was just for her because the person who normally does it happened to be out and he got asked to show my mum around. So he's showing her around the temple, showing her what he. What she can volunteer with. And then my mom was like, oh, I have a daughter and she's been wanting to get into spiritual community. Is there a youth group? And he was like, yeah, I can't talk to her because I'm trying to be a monk. But I can give her number to. I can give her number to my sister who's part of the community. And so my mom gave me that number. I started, like, speaking to her sister, start coming to a lot of the community events and also seeing him speak because he was also speaking and teaching at the time at the temple.
Anna Kai
So he Couldn't speak to you directly, but he could speak to a group.
Radhi Devlukia
Exactly. When he was teaching. So I was like, this is so cool. He was like, he has tattoos and. But then he was, like, younger and he was. I'd only seen monks who were older.
Anna Kai
And I was like, he's not the stereotypical looking.
Radhi Devlukia
Exactly. I was like, this is so interesting. But at the same time, I was like, he's a monk. And it wasn't like, I saw him and I thought, oh, my goodness, I'm going to marry this man. Like, it was not that at all. I just. I was really seeking spirituality at the time. And I just found it fascinating when I came into a community where there was younger people who were really dedicating their life to it. And so time went on. He went off to be a monk. This was for a couple of years. And then meanwhile, I was still part of the community and became best friends with his sister. And at the same time, he was going back and forth from India, and every time he'd come back, he'd give classes. And at that time, I would listen to him and I'd be like, wow, this is just amazing. But then also was like, oh, he's cool and I think I might like it. And I told his sister and I was like, I think I might like your brother. And she was like, he's being a monk for the rest of his life. I'm sorry, I love you, but it's a no. It's a hard no. Don't even think about it. I was like, fine, but obviously once.
Anna Kai
You think it, you can't even see it.
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah. And so I was, like, trying to tell myself not to think about it. But there was a big part of me that felt like I knew him already. And it was a weird feeling of, I think I know exactly what this person is like. And I think I know that we're supposed to have, like, a connection based on spirituality together. That's something that I felt like I knew, like, we were supposed to live a life connected by God together. And he ended up coming out of the ashram because he want. He chose to leave. He wanted to share what he'd learned and share it with the world. His sister told him that I had mentioned that I liked him and he was like, oh, you know what? She was the only person I had thought about in that way too. And so we ended up speaking and then it was just, like, very natural. Yeah. Then my mum afterwards told me that in that moment that she met him, she prayed that, oh, I really like my daughter to find somebody just like him. And so I definitely think it's probably her prayers that did all of this. But, yeah, that's how we met. And then, luckily, neither of us were crazy. We turned out to be the person that we thought the other person was. And it's been ups and downs, as everything is, and so many changes in our life, but it's been amazing. And it's also been work, and it's also been. He's a really great human. He's been the same person since the day I met him in terms of intention and integrity. It's like you end up dating a new person every couple of years because we change so much.
Anna Kai
Especially because you guys met so young.
Radhi Devlukia
Yes. You're only 34 years older than me.
Anna Kai
So you're only 34 now. So you met him in your early 20s.
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah.
Anna Kai
Which is crazy because you go through so much.
Radhi Devlukia
I have no idea who I was then. Yeah.
Anna Kai
And I think that's the way to live life. Right. I think hopefully when I'm 40 years old, I'll look back right now, 34, and think, I had no idea who I was then. But what was that first date like? What was the first date after he left the monkhood? Cause you were like, okay, the guy I have a crush on has literally committed to a life of celibacy.
Radhi Devlukia
Yes.
Anna Kai
And then he comes out of monkhood. Who asks who out first? Who makes the initiative?
Radhi Devlukia
We actually started because he came out of being a monk, and he essentially had zero money because he had been a monk. And he came. He went straight from coming out of college to becoming a monk.
Anna Kai
That's so sexy. A broke monk.
Radhi Devlukia
Yes.
Anna Kai
A broke ex monk.
Radhi Devlukia
Ex monk. That's exactly what he was. Part of my. Most of my family were like, what the hell are you doing? But my parents are also part of the spiritual community, and so they really appreciated what he had been doing, so they were okay. And he was always ambitious. Like, from the moment he left being a monk, he went back to tutoring. Like, he was tutoring to make money, like, while he was applying for jobs. And so he was always, like, on the grind, no matter whether it was tutoring math to, like younger students or applying for jobs.
Anna Kai
Unconventional, but he was working.
Radhi Devlukia
Yes, exactly. Exactly. And so what was our. Honestly, most of our first dates were with my parents in my house. I was really close to my parents. I'm really close to my parents. And I remember at the time, I just really wanted him to get to know my Family for some reason. And I was like, okay, just come over. We'll have dinner with my parents. And I now realize how mortifying that would have probably been for him.
Anna Kai
That's very unusual because he's trying to now not only impress you.
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah.
Anna Kai
He has to impress my family at the same time. And he's who likes me, who doesn't. Which part of the equation fits?
Radhi Devlukia
It was tough.
Anna Kai
That's actually a lot of pressure.
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah. And my mom would be like, are you not going to change? He's coming over. And I'd be like, mom, he's coming home. I'm not going to dress up for him to come to the house. So my mom would always make that joke. She was like, are you just going to stay in that, like, he's coming over to meet you, Are you not going to change? I was like, no. He has can see me in my home environment and let's see if he wants his day.
Anna Kai
The true you. That's amazing. I always, I'm super close with my parents as well, and they're my best friends. And I always said to them when I was going through the trenches of dating in my 20s, I said, if you guys had a guy for me, if you knew anybody, I would 100% go on a date with that guy. Because most people are like, I would never go out with somebody that my parents set me up with. But I'm so close to them that I feel like anybody that they would choose for me, I would choose for myself. And it's very similar to you. And your mom didn't mean to choose Jay for you, but she did and she knew. I'm sure she maybe let her mind wander there occasionally while he was in India. But it's like the possibility seems so far away when you think he's committed to a life of monkhood.
Radhi Devlukia
Definitely. I have to say, my mom did have other recommendations for me that were very off. Some of the other recommendations she had for me, I was like, did you.
Anna Kai
Go on dates with those dates? Okay, so you did at least try?
Radhi Devlukia
I did try.
Anna Kai
Okay. So some of them were just.
Radhi Devlukia
That was myth. Yeah. I was like, that is a no. I once went on this date with a guy that my mum recommended and I ended up halfway through. He was like taking me to a restaurant I didn't want to go to. My sister told me she was in a restaurant with her husband close by. Literally cut the date. I was like, do you want to come meet my sister and my brother in law? Because they're just down the road, we're all squashed into this little booth, all having our first date together. That was the last date. First thing last. Yeah.
Anna Kai
But family is really interwoven into your dates.
Radhi Devlukia
It seems like it. Yeah.
Anna Kai
You forgot the men in your house to meet your family on the first date. That's the true test, right?
Radhi Devlukia
That's the true test.
Anna Kai
If you can handle this. My husband, before we even got engaged, we met in 2018. And so by the time the pandemic happened, we'd been together for a year and a half, and we were living in New York City at the time in a shoebox apartment. And I knew the pandemic was happening in January of that year because I'm Chinese and I have family over there. My parents were like, this is really bad. It's going to come to the US because of how international everything is. You need to be prepared. So I remember saying in January to my husband Dave, I was like, we might have to leave the city and you might need to work from home for a couple months and move in with my parents in Pennsylvania because they have a big house and everything. They live in the suburbs. It's secluded. He was like, that's crazy. He has an office job that he has to be in five days a week. My bosses are never gonna allow me to work from home just indefinitely for three months. You're out of your mind. So I'm starting to doomsday prep. I order the toilet paper and the paper towels. I am the reason nobody could get anything. We were well stocked on paper products. This was February. And then sure enough, March 13 or 14 of that year, everything shut down in New York. So we pack all of our stuff in garbage bags in a car and we drive to my parents house and we live with them full time for four months.
Radhi Devlukia
Wow.
Anna Kai
And this is before we were engaged or anything. And it worked out. He really got along well with my parents.
Radhi Devlukia
That's so nice.
Anna Kai
And because there's the cultural divide there, I don't know if he would have gotten to know them in the way.
Radhi Devlukia
What's his culture? What's his white.
Anna Kai
Okay, he's from Boston.
Radhi Devlukia
He's just.
Anna Kai
He's very American. He was. And I'm very Chinese. My parents are immigrants and they speak fluent English, but there's still a little bit of a language and cultural barrier. I remember always being afraid that I was going to find a guy that didn't quite understand my parents. And my parents didn't understand him. But through that experience, they really got to know each other really well. So I also maybe did the same thing you did in a much more intense way. Everybody was like, everybody. You guys lived with your and he was 35. I was. He was 34. I was 30.
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah.
Anna Kai
Living with your in laws at 34. Day in and day out, family dinners every day. Nobody could go anywhere.
Radhi Devlukia
I love it.
Anna Kai
But that's how we really.
Radhi Devlukia
You made it through that.
Anna Kai
Yeah.
Radhi Devlukia
And you loved it. And that's why you are where you are now.
Anna Kai
Here's the thing. If I knew we would live to see the end of this pandemic and be fine, I would have enjoyed that four months a lot more. I was so freaked out. It was the end of humanity. I was so terrified that I just, I think I wasted a lot of time being scared and trying to prepare for really a lot of terrible things that didn't end up happening. So because you guys met so young and because you said he had no money coming out of monkhood and he was trying to do all these odd gig jobs, you're such a power couple now and everybody looks at you like, oh my gosh, look how far you've both come in your career. But what was it like in the early days of dating and you're both trying to launch your careers and neither one of you has seemingly a stable paycheck.
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah, I actually had no idea what I wanted to do, so I actually wasn't trying to launch my career.
Anna Kai
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Radhi Devlukia
I so when we left the uk, the reason we left the UK was because Jay started making these Videos online. So while he was working, he actually got a job eventually at Accenture. Like a. I don't know what he was doing there. Consulting? Yeah, yeah, something like that. Consulting on something. He was doing that. And then while he was doing that on the side, he was making these videos on Facebook.
Anna Kai
Oh, my God. It was on Facebook. Days on Facebook. What year was this? This was.
Radhi Devlukia
This would have been 2000. Yeah. 13, 14. Yeah.
Anna Kai
Before TikTok and even really before Instagram was video.
Radhi Devlukia
Totally. He was only using Facebook at the time. That was the biggest platform at the time. And so we started making these videos and eventually they started going viral. Like, like 40 million, 50 million, 100, whatever, like on Facebook. And there were all these kind of stories that he was sharing about mental health and mini skits, essentially, but teaching lessons. And so when those started going viral, Ariana Huffington ended up finding them and asked him to come and work at Huffington Post doing an interview type show. That was like one of his dreams. He was so excited about it. This was three weeks or something into our marriage. And by the way, in our marriage, the only condition I had when we were getting married was I want to live within 3 mile radius of my mom, my sister and my grandma, because they all live within 3 mile radius of each other. So we bought the house three miles away from my mom, my sister and my grandma. Three weeks later, we get this news that he got a job in New York. I had no intention of moving. Zero. All I thought I would do was live in my hometown for the rest of my life. So I didn't speak to him for three days and I was like, processing. My whole family was crying. I'm the baby child. Obviously everyone's mortified.
Anna Kai
This isn't just moving to a different city. It's moving to a different country.
Radhi Devlukia
Yes, yes. Everyone is crying their eyes out. No one even cares that he got his dream job. Everyone hates Jay. Everyone hates Jay. Everyone's like, how can he do this? Three days later, I come to terms with it and I'm like, you know what? Obviously I want to help him make his dreams come true.
Anna Kai
And it helps that you had clearly no dreams of your own. You didn't know, right? You were very malleable in that degree.
Radhi Devlukia
At that time. I had been. My dream was to. I had. Had studied six years to be a dietitian, a clinical dietitian. So I was working in a hospital and I really did enjoy my job there, but I didn't have anything that I was like, his. What he wanted to do Felt stronger than my desire to, like, stay and do that. And I, Yeah, I. I left for New York with him, but I couldn't work because I was on a. I was on a spouse visa. So I'd, like, study for six years to work in hospital for six months, and then gone to New York, where I had to start all over again because I couldn't use anything that I had done there. And so that was a big shift. I spent a lot of my days walking around New York crying. And apparently in New York, no one cares because you can just be walking around crying and everyone's, yeah, me too, me too. And so I was lost for a long time. I wallowed for a long time. I really wasn't happy in New York, but he was doing his thing and making life happen. And so at that time, he was building his career and I was trying to just. Just heal my life and figure out what I was doing. And I started. What I noticed was I started jumping on his bandwagon of, okay, seeing as I don't know what I'm doing, I'll just support you and do what you're doing, and I'll just be an ancillary.
Anna Kai
Character to your story.
Radhi Devlukia
Exactly. And not because he wanted me to be. He was constantly pushing me to do what you. What do you feel like doing? What do you love? Let's figure out your life. He kept setting me up on, like, girl dates and, like, really trying to make my life better for me, but I was like, this is the easier option. I just. I don't want to think about me. I just want to, like, I'll just do what you're doing and it's fine. The problem with that is when it's not your dream, your enthusiasm, your joy, all of it runs out because you're just living through somebody else. So as much as it can become, as much as you can fortify yourself through their excitement, it's not you and it's not your joy. And so I kept trying to do it, traveling for work and doing all this stuff with him. And I honestly, as at the end of the day, just wasn't happy. And so I actually then made a decision to start doing courses. I did my Ayurveda training there, did my yoga teacher training there. Both were things that I just buried myself in and absolutely loved. And that's honestly when I started sharing recipes and stuff online where I was cooking a lot at home, and my whole page was just food. It was not my face at all. It was just me creating Recipes. And at that time, it was a private page just for my family and friends, just to show what I was making and share recipes. And then he kept encouraging me to make it bigger and people will love if you do this. And so he was just very encouraging. And at that time, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I had no idea what I even wanted to make this page become. I had no idea of what it could be. I just kept going with being very lovingly encouraged by the people around me and him and eventually just grew and grew. And also, by the way, I have to put this out there. I say this a lot, everyone. When Jay got famous or people started seeing him more naturally, they just wanted to know who his wife was. And so a lot of the. A lot of the attention came to me through that, not because I was doing anything spectacular at the time. And so what I realized was that made me very uncomfortable, and I really didn't want to. I didn't want to be a footballer's wife. I just didn't. I really. I was like, I'd rather be not known. Then people be coming to me because they're, like, excited to see. I don't like putting a lot of our life out there together anyway. I just find that's one thing we can somewhat. If we can keep private. He does, but I really don't. And so I really didn't want to make it like a, oh, hey, this whole page is going to be me and Jay and all the things we do.
Anna Kai
You were not going to be a TikTok couple.
Radhi Devlukia
I didn't want to do that. And so I was like, if people are coming to me, at least let me give them some value. Let me feel like I'm serving them in some way rather than just being a gossip place. And so I started just putting out my Ayurveda stuff and all the health stuff I was learning and the journey I was going on. And as soon as I noticed people were, like, responding to, I was like, okay, I feel like I found my place now and something that fuels me and makes me happy and keeps my focus on something that I think just whatever you feel you can serve the world with is what makes you feel the most content. And at that time, health was that. And then it just changed and grew and adapted as opportunities came.
Anna Kai
That's really interesting because I had a similar journey. My husband had a very more traditional path in life. But I also, when I turned 30, we were moving to the suburbs, and I was like, I could just Be a housewife. I could stop trying to do anything with my career. And that would be an acceptable decision as a woman in your 30s who's married to a man who now is bringing in enough income to support a family. And I just remember walking my dog through the suburbs of Connecticut, being like, is this my life? It's like in a movie when you're just like, protagonist is just like, oh, my God, I feel so empty inside. And I always say that I think to an extent, women who are satisfied as mothers and housewives, they're probably happier than us.
Radhi Devlukia
Definitely. So amazing.
Anna Kai
But for me and you, we have this itch that I don't know what it was. It was like, I just would rather make my life more difficult because I wanted to be somebody on my own. But it is. I think a lot of women feel what you felt, because it's like, I could just adopt my husband's personality, and it would be great because I wouldn't have to make my own decisions. And some people are happy like that. And I just realized very quickly that was not going to be the case for me, and so I'm glad I did that. But I think it's so interesting that you both work in social media now, but you have very distinct brands, because it's not like you're, like, tagging him in your bio, hey, G.A. shetty's wife. You are your own brand. And it's very different than what he does.
Radhi Devlukia
It is. And you know what? If anything, I feel bad because every time, I always have to correct people. So I've told this story, like, once maybe, but I. My first, like, big thing that I did was my cookbook, and I was so excited to do it. Like, I had just put in years of effort into it. And the funny thing was, I got the first copy of my book, and it said, Radi Devlukia Shetty. And I'm actually not Devluka Shetty. I am Radi Devlukia. And I was like, to my publisher, I was like, oh, sorry, I'm just gonna retake that. And I was like, to my team, this isn't the final version, right? Because that's not my name. Anyway. Had a huge fight with my team because they were like, no, you've signed your contract as Radhi Devluke. Writing it, writing the book as Radhi Devlukeshetti. And I was like, but that's not my name. And they had. Basically, they wanted me to keep. They said that people are buying, that people are. Have signed on to have this book be made because there's also the Shetty part. Essentially, they've bought it as that. And you cannot change it to be Radhi Devlukia. You cannot write as that. I'm not joking. I think I cried, like, so diminishing.
Anna Kai
Because effectively what they're saying is, you are not. Your name is just not good enough on its own. It needs to be attached to your husband's.
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah. And that was like. The whole point was. Was me trying to differentiate that because I felt like for a long time and not because he's just so great. He never wants me to feel this way and always fights for me to have my own separate thing. But people naturally just think that you would have your husband's last name. And so everything was Radhi Shetty, Radhi Devluki Shetty. And I at the time, I didn't fight against it because I was like, it's fine, whatever. But then it came to the book and I was like, but this is my thing and this is me, and this is all me, so why do I have to do that? Anyway, I lost the fight. I lost the battle completely. And so now I have to keep correcting people of it's Radi Devlukia, not Radhi Devlukia Shetty. And it really takes people aback a little bit because I'm like, but if that was a guy, no one would have to do. No man would ever have to. One be told they should take on even if their partner was more well known than them. So we thought, you know what, you should be Jay Z. Knowles instead, like, you should be whatever. And then on top of that, have to lose a battle based on that or even people thinking that your last name would be that a man would never.
Anna Kai
I always get so annoyed at this because I did not change my last name when I got married. It was intentional. First of all, it's a very cultural thing. So in Chinese culture, you do not change your last name when you get married. Most women, I loved that.
Radhi Devlukia
I didn't know that.
Anna Kai
It's just, of course, the kids take the husband's last name. But my mom never took my dad's last name. And it wasn't weird because that's the culture. I didn't grow up with that.
Radhi Devlukia
That's so interesting.
Anna Kai
I just. It took me so long to love me for who I was as an Asian American woman growing in a society that was always telling me I was less than for being Asian American. And so my last name, I was like, I have so much pride in it because I was so ashamed of it for so long, so I never wanted to change it. And when I got married, my husband was like, yeah, I don't care. We were also in our 30s by the time we got married. Who cares? He's built his career. I was trying to do something with mine. And the thing that I get annoyed the most with now that I'm married is people assume on when they're addressing you for I still hate to this day that in American culture it's acceptable to address a woman not only by your husband's last name, but his first name. So sometimes if we're getting addressed by something formal, an invitation or something, it'll say Mr. And Mrs. His name and.
Radhi Devlukia
His last name and Radi Shetty.
Anna Kai
So, yeah, It'll be like Mr. And Mrs. J. No, not even Radi. It's proper formal written addressing. Is Mr. And Mrs. J. Shetty.
Radhi Devlukia
Yes.
Anna Kai
You don't exist at all. It's absolutely insane. I'm like, but your name's not Jay, nor is it Shetty.
Radhi Devlukia
No.
Anna Kai
And even if it was, your name's not Jay.
Radhi Devlukia
No, Exactly.
Anna Kai
And it stems from a time when women were property. They were the property of men. So it just drives me nuts.
Radhi Devlukia
It drives me crazy. And now I have to go through this whole process of making people unlearn that my name is not of Luka Shetty, which then makes people think that I've, like, just dropped the Shetty for some reason.
Anna Kai
And they're like, oh, God, do you hate your husband that much?
Radhi Devlukia
Exactly. And it's, no, I'm just trying to. I want to stand on my own and have my own. Like, he has been able to. And no one said, you know what? You should be Jay Shetty Dua or J. Devlukya. No one's done that to him. And I think it's so funny because going through that process, I was like, going through times of feeling bad, and I was like, what the hell am I feeling bad for? Feeling bad because I don't want to take on take because of how society places it. One, that it's not a big deal. I'm like, it is a big deal, right? And two, they're like, the thing of me taking away the name now or taking it out of my thing. I'm like, oh, God, am I just being really OTT about this? That's how they make me feel. I'm being too over the top about this.
Anna Kai
Anytime somebody doesn't conform to the standard, there are people who want you to fall in line and say, you're being ridiculous. This is not that big of a deal. But it is.
Radhi Devlukia
It is a big deal.
Anna Kai
Because not that long ago, women in this country couldn't own property without their husband signing off on it. That's where it all stems from. And it was people that didn't make a big deal about it. We probably wouldn't be here. Right.
Radhi Devlukia
And I feel like I've spent a lot of time. You know what? If I wanted to really get a big following fast, I would have made it the Vardy and J Show and it would have been that. But I've worked really hard to learn the things I have and to carve out thing that I'm doing that it just, it really got to me. Yeah, that's something that I'm still like working on with people. I'm like, this is my name.
Anna Kai
I'm glad I got your name right at the top.
Radhi Devlukia
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Anna Kai
And I actually didn't know that people referred to you as Fratty Devlukia Shetty. I just.
Radhi Devlukia
Well, yeah, everything I got legally.
Anna Kai
Are you still.
Radhi Devlukia
I've always been Radha Dablika. I never changed.
Anna Kai
All right.
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah. But when he got. When Jay became more well known, people just would.
Anna Kai
They just assume.
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah, they just assume.
Anna Kai
Yeah.
Radhi Devlukia
Yeah.
Anna Kai
Cheers to you. Keeping your last name, your own identity while still being happily married because you can do both. You don't have to be a raging feminist who hates all men and you don't have to be a tradwife.
Radhi Devlukia
My husband is a feminist.
Anna Kai
There we go. The best men are, by the way.
Radhi Devlukia
Exactly.
Anna Kai
Yeah. My husband's the biggest feminist too. He's, go do your thing. I always say, honey, if I can retire you one day, he's, I'm never gonna retire. What would I do? I was like, fine, but if I could, that would be great. And he's, yeah. That doesn't take away from my masculinity or anything. And so I love that. Thank you so much for being here today. Where can everyone find you?
Radhi Devlukia
Oh, my gosh, anywhere. As Radhi Diukija and some places is Radhi Di Shetty.
Anna Kai
Thank you again, Radhi.
Radhi Devlukia
Thank you.
Anna Kai
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Brutally Anna: Radhi Devlukia's Recipe for a Delicious Love Life
Episode Release Date: March 3, 2025
In this enlightening episode of Brutally Anna, host Anna Kai delves deep into the multifaceted life of Radhi Devlukia, a New York Times bestselling author, wellness influencer, and entrepreneur. Radhi shares her journey of self-discovery, holistic wellness, and maintaining personal identity within her marriage to renowned author Jay Shetty. This comprehensive conversation explores themes of mental health, emotional eating, cultural identity, and the intricacies of balancing personal aspirations with supportive partnerships.
Radhi opens up about her upbringing in the UK, highlighting the profound influence of her immigrant parents who fled Uganda as refugees. Their unwavering support and nurturing environment shaped Radhi's resilience and values.
Radhi Devlukia [03:08]: "They were both immigrants. They came from Uganda, got kicked out, came to the UK as refugees. They are hardworking, loving, phenomenal parents who have always tried to support, love, and nurture us the best way they knew possible."
Despite academic challenges, Radhi's parents guided her towards a meaningful career path when she aspired to become a pediatrician but realized her grades wouldn't suffice. Her mother's recommendation to pursue nutrition and dietetics not only provided Radhi with a professional direction but also ignited her passion for holistic wellness.
Radhi discusses her deep dive into Ayurveda, a 5,000-year-old Indian philosophy focused on creating environments that optimize health. She contrasts it with Western medicine, emphasizing prevention over cure and the importance of understanding one's body.
Radhi Devlukia [05:06]: "Ayurveda teaches you about your body and the environment to curate a life that allows you to live with vitality."
She elaborates on how Ayurveda categorizes foods into three modes—goodness, passion, and ignorance—and the impact each has on one's energy and well-being. Radhi emphasizes the importance of listening to one's body cues to foster a healthier relationship with food.
A significant portion of the conversation centers around Radhi's battle with emotional eating and sugar addiction. She shares her journey of recognizing how her emotions controlled her eating habits and the strategies she employed to regain control.
Radhi Devlukia [07:24]: "The one thing that took me out of control was food. It had complete control over me."
Radhi advocates for gradual lifestyle changes over drastic ones, highlighting practices like meditation and breathwork that helped her ground herself. She recounts her successful 30-day challenge to eliminate processed sugar by substituting it with healthier alternatives like poached fruits and stevia-sweetened protein shakes.
Radhi Devlukia [15:03]: "Within five days, my skin cleared up, and I stopped craving sweet things altogether."
Addressing mental health, Radhi emphasizes that emotional wellbeing is non-linear, with ups and downs being a natural part of the journey. She introduces the concept of a "joy list"—a personal toolkit of activities and practices that help her navigate through difficult emotions.
Radhi Devlukia [20:21]: "Find your joy list. Have a list of things that you know without fail will make you feel better."
Radhi shares her methods for maintaining mental balance, including movement, emotional release through writing or crying, and spending time in nature. She underscores the importance of processing emotions rather than wallowing in them.
Radhi's relationship with Jay Shetty is a central theme of the episode. They met through a spiritual community, reinforced by her mother's prayers for a partner who embodies similar spiritual values.
Radhi Devlukia [27:26]: "We ended up speaking and then it was just very natural."
Their marriage faced early challenges, including moving to the US during the pandemic under stressful circumstances. Radhi candidly discusses feeling lost and living in her partner's shadow while trying to find her own path.
Radhi Devlukia [40:59]: "Living through somebody else's excitement is not you and it's not your joy."
Determined to carve out her own identity, Radhi pursued Ayurveda and yoga teacher training, eventually building her personal brand focused on wellness rather than being solely recognized as Jay's wife.
A poignant part of Radhi's story revolves around the struggle to maintain her cultural identity and personal name within the context of her marriage. She expresses frustration over societal norms that often require women to adopt their husband's surname, diminishing their individual identity.
Radhi Devlukia [46:43]: "I want to stand on my own and have my own."
Radhi recounts challenges with her publisher misnaming her in her cookbook, leading to feelings of erasure. She contrasts this with her husband Jay's brand, which thrives independently, emphasizing the unequal expectations placed on women.
Radhi Devlukia [47:52]: "Everyone bought my book as Radhi Devlukia Shetty, but that's not my name."
Her commitment to preserving her identity is a testament to her dedication to personal authenticity and empowerment.
Throughout the episode, Radhi and Anna discuss the balance between personal fulfillment and professional success. Radhi reflects on how supporting Jay's career initially overshadowed her own aspirations, leading her to rediscover and prioritize her passions for wellness and writing.
Radhi Devlukia [43:56]: "Whatever you feel you can serve the world with is what makes you feel the most content."
Radhi's journey underscores the importance of pursuing one's own dreams and interests, even within a supportive and successful partnership.
Radhi Devlukia’s narrative in this episode of Brutally Anna is a powerful exploration of self-love, resilience, and the pursuit of personal happiness amidst societal expectations and personal challenges. Her insights on holistic wellness, mental health, and maintaining individuality within marriage offer valuable lessons for listeners seeking to navigate their own paths to a fulfilling life.
For more insights and to follow Radhi’s wellness journey, you can find her across various social media platforms under the handle @maybeboth.
Notable Quotes:
Radhi Devlukia [05:06]: "Ayurveda teaches you about your body and the environment to curate a life that allows you to live with vitality."
Radhi Devlukia [15:03]: "Within five days, my skin cleared up, and I stopped craving sweet things altogether."
Radhi Devlukia [20:21]: "Find your joy list. Have a list of things that you know without fail will make you feel better."
Radhi Devlukia [46:43]: "I want to stand on my own and have my own."
Follow Radhi Devlukia: Radhi is active across multiple social media platforms, sharing her expertise in holistic wellness and personal growth. Connect with her to stay inspired on your own journey to a delicious love life.