← Brutally Anna
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- [00:00]
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- [00:30]
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- [01:42]
Anna Kai
Welcome to Brutally Anna, a podcast about finding love, losing love, and all the things we think about but don't talk about Enough. I'm your host, Anna Kai, AKA maybe both across social media, here to remind you that life can be beautif when it's freaking brutal. If you're a fan of Love is Blind, you probably know Raven Ross as the confident, independent Pilates instructor who took us all along for the ride as she navigated love in the pods. But behind that bold exterior, Raven is a woman who's not afraid to get vulnerable about her journey. From growing her Pilates business and transforming her own body to embracing her worth and and learning how to love herself along the way. From the pressures of reality TV to redefining what she wants in a partner and making sure that she stays true to her own path, Raven's now using her platform to inspire others to find balance, embrace their individuality, and most importantly, invest in themselves. Raven, thanks so much for being here today.
- [02:44]
Raven Ross
Hi sister, thanks for having me.
- [02:46]
Anna Kai
I am so excited to chat with you I love all your content. I love what you've been doing since. Since reality tv. It's such a hard jump to go from being what most people know from being on a dating show to now. I don't actually even really think of your time on Love is Blind, because I know you now as a Pilates instructor.
- [03:06]
Raven Ross
Oh, my gosh. Good.
- [03:07]
Anna Kai
So here's the thing. Before Love is Blind, you led a very different life. What was it about your life before the show that made you want to do this?
- [03:16]
Raven Ross
Ooh. My life before the show, honestly, was a shit show. Um, I was working three jobs, teaching Pilates, like, literally 12 hours a day, then working, like, a restaurant nightlife job at night. It was so hectic. And I think that really taught me discipline, time management, and, like, just being transparent. Like, I was like, I never want to be broke again. Like, this is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done because I've always been just super independent, very. Just single. Had to take care of myself and figure it out. And so learning all of that really helped me get to where I am now because it's very different life. Who was she?
- [04:06]
Anna Kai
Hey. But she was her. So you could be you.
- [04:09]
Raven Ross
Yeah.
- [04:10]
Anna Kai
So when did you hear about Love is Blind? I mean, I assume you heard about it the first season when everybody else heard about it. But why did you want to go on it?
- [04:17]
Raven Ross
Oh, why did I want to go on it? Honestly, like, I had watched the first season, and it was such an interesting concept. I was definitely at a point in my life, I was like, I need to try something different. And it was just kind of on a whim. I. When you do things like that, like, you don't think you're ever going to get picked, right? You're like, this is not going to go anywhere.
- [04:37]
Anna Kai
I've had friends who have applied to the Bachelor on a whim, and they're like, this is funny, you know, and it's like, they never hear back, of course.
- [04:43]
Raven Ross
So obviously that's what I was thinking. I'm never going to hear back this little video that you had to make at the time. I'm sure it's different now. This was, like, 100 years ago, but I was like, no one's gonna see this. Like, they're not even gonna watch it, whatever. And that was not the case.
- [04:58]
Anna Kai
And now you're here. What was it like putting your public or your private life on display in the pods? Because I've heard anecdotally through, you know, different people who've been on these reality Dating shows that it's very much like you're in your own little cult, and, like, you don't realize that there's, like, a world outside of it. So you get very sucke. Like, was that hard for you, or was it just kind of like when you were there, you were just very in the moment?
- [05:25]
Raven Ross
Yeah, it is really isolating. I think probably with a lot of dating shows, reality shows, they definitely make you feel really insular. But for me, that wasn't an issue. Especially, like, if you're taking it seriously, going inside of yourself and, like, spending time figuring out, who am I? Like, what do I actually want out of this? Definitely wasn't a bad thing, but it was hard. You start to kind of, like, get lost in the world. You don't know what time it is. Like.
- [05:57]
Anna Kai
Like, what day is it?
- [05:58]
Raven Ross
Yeah, what day is it?
- [05:59]
Anna Kai
It's a windowless pod.
- [06:01]
Raven Ross
Literally, it's a vortex. Yeah. It's a black hole. So it's definitely easy to get lost in that and just feel like not yourself.
- [06:09]
Anna Kai
So did you think at one point, like, oh, this is where I'm going to find my husband? Or, you know, you got engaged on the show?
- [06:19]
Raven Ross
Yeah. I don't know. Again, I was just like, we'll see where this. I was not taking anything too seriously. I'm definitely someone who, you know, I need, like, I need it to be proven. So I was like, okay, this isn't gonna happen to me. Okay. Like, yeah, sure, it's going well now, but, like, we'll see. We'll see. I'm very skeptical, so I don't know. I really had super low expectations.
- [06:46]
Anna Kai
So your career in Pilates, why did you want to go into Pilates in the first place? Because that was before the show. Right. And so. And that's really what your brand is now, which I've loved. I think you've done an incredible job of, you know, building your brand to what it is now, and it continues to grow. But why Pilates? Before, it was, like, really a thing, too.
- [07:07]
Raven Ross
Yeah.
- [07:07]
Anna Kai
Like, Pilates has really had this resurgence.
- [07:10]
Raven Ross
100%.
- [07:11]
Anna Kai
But you were kind of on that Pilates train before people were talking about it.
- [07:15]
Raven Ross
Oh, my gosh. Yes. I was so excited when the Pilates train started coming around. Cause I'd been talking about it for so long. I started doing Pilates, honestly, in college, and I always, like, think about, like, how did I afford that?
- [07:29]
Anna Kai
Like, I know where.
- [07:30]
Raven Ross
Where did I get the money for that? That was actually crazy. But I started doing Pilates in college, and I Fell in love with it.
- [07:38]
Anna Kai
Who introduced you to Pilates? Or was it just something you saw randomly and you were like, let's try it?
- [07:42]
Raven Ross
Yeah, Well, I danced professionally, pre. Professionally and professionally, like, that was my thing my entire life. I thought I was gonna do that. So the wheels fell off. And so I was always trying to figure out, like, what other modalities I could do that would benefit my dance training. And, like, you're not allowed to run, you're not allowed to, like, bodybuild. There are so many rules around keeping your body healthy. And Pilates is just like such an obvious one that really works for dance. So I think, like, one summer I found a studio. I'd been trying different things and I found an instructor that I really liked again, scraped my coins up, do not know how I paid for that, and I just fell in love with it and I kept it going. And then after college, I was working out at a Pilates studio and they were like, hey, you should do this training. And I was like, oh, period. Okay.
- [08:33]
Anna Kai
So you knew pretty early on that this was a career path you wanted to pursue. It wasn't just like, I like doing this, it's a hobby, but let me go try something else. You said that you used Pilates to help with body confidence, and I didn't realize you were a dancer. I've heard that dancing is very tough on young women and girls when it comes to body image and body confidence. How has Pilates in that practice influenced how the way you see yourself? And how do you hope to use your Pilates practice to inspire others to love their bodies?
- [09:03]
Raven Ross
Yeah, that is such a good question. It's honestly something that I have not talked about enough because I definitely feel like especially someone in health and wellness and fitness. Fitness. It's tricky to talk about the way that you feel about your own body because others see it so differently. And I never want to make anyone feel or have an image about themselves that just isn't healthy. So I really haven't talked about a lot, but I from dance, I had an eating disorder for like maybe 20 years, a little bit less than that.
- [09:38]
Anna Kai
Which is very common from what I've heard in the dance world. Unfortunately.
- [09:43]
Raven Ross
Yeah, like, this is not new thing. I was not special. But for me, my kind of niche in dance was like, I had a great, like, muscular body. I was small, I was petite. I always like did partnering and that was kind of my thing. So I was very self conscious, like, okay, like, I need to be the smallest one, so like, I can get this role, like, which led to so much like competitiveness, competitiveness with myself. And once I transitioned out of dance, it really just sticks with you. And I'm sure like you've heard that before so many people. Once you're like coming into like the real world and not dancing and looking at yourself in a leotard 24 hours a day, you kind of have to re examine like a, how are you going to move your body? What do you think about your body now that like, you don't have the same kind of limitations or rules around it. And that is still something that I'm structuring, like at this big age. It, it's really hard. But I feel like Pilates is such a well rounded system that is truly so good for every single body. And my approach to Pilates was always to just invite everyone to try it. There's, there's a part of Pilates that everyone could do. So I think attracting so many different people to the way that I teach Pilates in my workouts kind of helped me like accept myself and my new circumstance a little bit more, if that makes sense.
- [11:26]
Anna Kai
Yeah, 100%. I mean, I think it's so interesting that you really went from this very distorted version of your body and what it could be used for to understanding that you were more than just a vessel for dance and lifting people. Essentially. You said you had an eating disorder. Can you go through the details of how you actually overcame that? Because that is a beast. And I think it's so easy to look at you on the other side and be like, well, how could she ever have thought anything short of like, her body's incredible. Because now you're in workout clothes all the time and I look at your videos, I'm like, damn, do some push ups. But, you know, how do you. What are the active steps to somebody who, you know, maybe doesn't. There's varying degrees of eating disorders, right? Maybe not a full blown eating disorder, but somebody who has severe body dysmorphia. What were the steps that you took to get over that and to have a healthier relationship with your body?
- [12:21]
Raven Ross
Ooh, it's tough. Like I said, this is something that I still struggle with. But I think one of the things that really helps me when I was kind of transitioning out of dance and kind of deciding what I wanted to do and like what my new ideals were for my body, the way I wanted to look. I noticed it really helped me when I stopped digesting like unhealthy content, which I'm Kind of like seeing a resurgence of.
- [12:54]
Anna Kai
What do you mean by that specifically?
- [12:56]
Raven Ross
I feel, especially on TikTok right now, it's all so cyclical. Right. So like, kind of in the beginning of Instagram, like, like early 2 thou or like 2009, 2010, it was very, like, fitness hit. Like, muscle, like these, like, super ripped girls, like, crazy abs. And I was like, okay, like, I'm not dancing anymore. Like, this is what I should look like. So I'm just like, scrolling like, oh, my gosh. Like, this is actually crazy. This must be what people look like. And then looking at myself, I'm like, I do not look like this. And I kind of see it now on TikTok. I don't know why I'm, like, getting fed this crazy content, but it's very much like how to be skinny, how to be thin, how to heroin.
- [13:42]
Anna Kai
Chic is back in.
- [13:43]
Raven Ross
Yeah.
- [13:43]
Anna Kai
With the rise of Ozempic and everything like that. Yes.
- [13:46]
Raven Ross
Everything is like, how to do 25,000 steps in a day, how to make sure you, like, don't eat too much, all of this stuff. And I'm just like, you actively, if you're on social media at all, you actively have to watch for what you're taking in because it can definitely start to make you tell yourself that's what you should be doing. And it's probably, like, not even good for your own body. But I think that was a big way that I started to feel healthier, was not judging myself against these, like, crazy standards of people on the Internet.
- [14:22]
Anna Kai
So kind of almost shut it down.
- [14:23]
Raven Ross
Yeah.
- [14:24]
Anna Kai
Don't pay attention to what everyone else is doing.
- [14:26]
Raven Ross
Yeah. Because if you look around, like, in the actual world, in your actual workout class, like, people don't look like that. That is not a real thing. Like, people are making these videos in the gym. Like, sometimes they're not even doing those workouts. Like, you know, there's crazy lights. There's. There's so many tricks, there's body makeup. And when you don't know those things, it's so easy to be like, dang.
- [14:49]
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- [15:04]
Anna Kai
The way they just get better with.
- [15:05]
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- [15:09]
Anna Kai
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- [15:10]
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- [16:18]
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- [16:58]
Anna Kai
Never felt the urge to film myself working out. Which, you know, sometimes my team's like, oh, you know, like you should talk more about. Cause I used to be a long distance runner is probably a little bit over. No, I wasn't a long distance. I ran a marathon and I used to run half marathons.
- [17:14]
Raven Ross
That's crazy. That's so cool.
- [17:15]
Anna Kai
But like I never was like, I'm a long distance runner. I was just like, you know, in my 20s trying to figure my life out and I was like, I will do this to make myself feel better. It's like my existential crisis is like I could just run, you know, But I've never been the cute girl at the gym. Like, I don't go to the gym with my hair done or, like, my makeup on. People are like, I've heard these days, you know, because, like, Gen Z, they're not into dating apps. They're like, oh, you know, instead of going on a dating app, I just sign up for a gym membership. Like, I signed up for Equinox. I was like, that is the last place I ever wanted to meet a man. If I am on a treadmill fighting for my life, do not talk to me. Right? I'm probably holding in a fart. It's not great. It's just not good, you know? And, like, I go to the gym before I shower. So if I'm going in the morning, like, now I've spent, you know, hopefully eight hours, but probably more like five sweating into my pajamas in going to the gym. It's just not a good thing, right? So. But that's the thing. It's like, then I see on social media and these women with these perfect bodies and their hair is done and they don't have, you know, they don't have glam makeup on, but they have, like, the perfect, no makeup, makeup look. And I'm like, I don't look like that when I wake up. So that's the reality, you know, and that's what. It's funny. I obviously, my thing is, like, I post videos of me doing my makeup, but then I'll get on stories a lot of times with no makeup on. Because these days, if I'm not going to be filming, I'm just like, showered. I don't even blow out my hair. The hair is interesting. And I have followers that still DM me. They're like, I'm so happy that, like, you're able to just kind of, you know, be unmade up in front of the camera and talk to us like a normal person. I was like, is. Is that a thing? Oh, it is, because I used to be that person. I used to be the person. When I was 25, I couldn't even go to the bodega down the street without having full glam on. God forbid somebody saw me with my naked face on. Or you know what? God forbid somebody recognized me with my naked face. I'd be like, you know who I am? I'm like, bitch, you do not look that different with freaking a smokey eye, you know? But that's the difference is that, like, I think the beauty of getting older and. How old are you?
- [19:22]
Raven Ross
31.
- [19:22]
Anna Kai
Here we go. In your 30s. It gets better.
- [19:24]
Raven Ross
Yeah.
- [19:25]
Anna Kai
Anybody listening in your 20s thinking, like, your life Is ending. It only gets better in your 30s.
- [19:31]
Raven Ross
Let them know. She's so right.
- [19:32]
Anna Kai
Oh, my gosh. It's like you just realize that, like, as Marilyn Monroe said, if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. Or as I like to say, if you keep, you can't handle me at my, you know, face mask, my Jason face mask, you don't deserve me at my glam. Right.
- [19:49]
Raven Ross
I so agree with that. And I. I think I was literally just saying this the other day that I was going through, like old pictures or something, and I was like, dang, like, kind of sad. Like, I used to look really freaking good.
- [20:03]
Anna Kai
Like, what the.
- [20:04]
Raven Ross
What happened, girl? Like, just being hard on myself and I was like, you know what? When I was 25, 26, all I really had to worry about, honestly, was the way that I looked.
- [20:15]
Anna Kai
Yeah.
- [20:15]
Raven Ross
Like, that's all I had to. I had no responsibilities. I didn't have a business. I didn't have.
- [20:20]
Anna Kai
You were just trying to make enough money to survive. You were going to work. You were like, I get a month this week. Here's what I can spend this weekend and here's what I can spend at Sephora.
- [20:28]
Raven Ross
Exactly. Literally, I was budgeting to, like, buy a new makeup palette from. What was it like, Urban Decay.
- [20:35]
Anna Kai
The urban decay palette that everyone has.
- [20:38]
Raven Ross
Literally, like, I was just trying to afford a new urban decay, so.
- [20:42]
Anna Kai
Which, by the way, return on investment. Very good. Because if I kept that dog today, it would still be alive. I just, at some point I was like, it's still here, but it's not really with us anymore. It's like the dog that refuses to die. Like the 18 year old, like Shih Tzu that you're like, it's time for.
- [20:59]
Raven Ross
Makeup, the mirrors, just. Yeah, no, I didn't have anything really going on. Besides, I was just focused on the way that I looked. I would go to the gym for two hours a day. Like, I would always, like, have my hair done, makeup. And it's so funny because I'm the same way now. Like, I'll get on a story or even on a TikTok and like, just be. No makeup, hair crazy. And sometimes I think, like, 26 year old me would have been mortified, like, literally would have died if she knew that I was on TikTok, like wearing a bonnet, like, she would actually die. But it's so much bigger than that now. And I think, like you said, people's. The audience, they want to see that. They want to see that they want to see. They don't want to see someone who's just always perfect all the time. And that is how a lot of people still do it. But I ain't got time for that.
- [21:54]
Anna Kai
No, nobody has time for that. Speaking of time, you lost your father last year.
- [21:59]
Raven Ross
Yes.
- [22:00]
Anna Kai
And I want to ask you about that because I have always said that the two worst days of my life will be when I lose my parents, because I'm so close with them. And I know you were so close with your father. How do you go on after that? And what has that process been like for you? A year out?
- [22:20]
Raven Ross
Yeah, I know. This is also something. I'm so glad you asked me that.
- [22:24]
Anna Kai
There's nothing. You never talk about this online. I do my research. And you have one post, you know, and that's it. And I went. I was like, how does she not talk about this? This is such a. Because, look, you're. You're not young to lose your father.
- [22:40]
Raven Ross
But it still is.
- [22:42]
Anna Kai
You're still young. You know, like, for example, one of our family friends, he's 73 and he just lost his mother.
- [22:49]
Raven Ross
Wow.
- [22:50]
Anna Kai
So, I mean, how lucky, right? But it feels like. Yeah, it feels young and it feels, you know, I think when I was 18, to think, oh, losing your dad in your 30s, I guess that's kind of normal. But when you get to. You're like, I'm still a baby.
- [23:04]
Raven Ross
No, literally, I'm still a baby. There's still so many parts of my life now that I'm never going to get to experience with him and that he's not going to get to see. And, you know, the next generations aren't going to get to have that impact like I did. And so I think it really is interesting because you're right. Like, I never. It was something that I didn't even think about. And when you lose a parent, it really opens your eyes to time. And like I said, I was 26. I was just worried about making a budget to go to Sephora. Like, I. I can't imagine or I can't imagine. And then you kind of beat yourself up about it. Like, how much time. I didn't capitalize on how much time I took for granted. And for me, like, how much time I held grudges too long or, you know, blamed my dad for something that I shouldn't have or didn't take responsibility, or I could have called him that day and I didn't. Or I didn't call him back that day. It really opens your eyes to Like, I don't ever want to take time for granted again. Like today, the day my dad died was like the start of my new life. Like, I. I can never go back. I can never get that time back. But I'm gonna be damn sure that now, like, I'm doing everything I can to do everything that I want to do. Because you genuinely don't know. You don't know when your life is going to change and you're going to lose someone.
- [24:37]
Anna Kai
Were you expecting it? Was he sick for a while or was it unexpected?
- [24:41]
Raven Ross
Oh my God, it was so unexpected. Yeah, he, yeah, was just chilling at like six in the morning and had like a massive heart attack. Which is crazy because our family is like relatively, you know, healthy. Besides like, you know, your typical diabetes or just like getting old age. There's never really been like a lot of heart issues or anything like that, so. And my dad was like, relatively fit. He rode his bike. So it's kind of. It was just out of nowhere.
- [25:17]
Anna Kai
I mean, either way it happens, it's devastating. But I always think it's really hard when it's unexpected because you didn't have time to kind of find closure almost.
- [25:30]
Raven Ross
Yeah.
- [25:31]
Anna Kai
And I'm so sorry for that. How did you handle it in those first days or months or, you know, how have you handled it? Because I always think I would just honestly probably drop off the face of the earth for a year.
- [25:45]
Raven Ross
Yeah, no, I definitely did. I dropped off the face of the earth for like a good two weeks and I didn't say anything. Like no one knew.
- [25:55]
Anna Kai
I process in private.
- [25:56]
Raven Ross
Right.
- [25:56]
Anna Kai
Yeah, I do too. Like, I would never. Something that serious, like, that's not for public consumption.
- [26:03]
Raven Ross
It's not.
- [26:03]
Anna Kai
At least in the beginning, you know, once you've kind of made your peace with it and you can then impart that wisdom on other people who are going through that. Sure. But in the beginning you're just trying.
- [26:13]
Raven Ross
To figure out how to survive, literally. And I'm glad you said that because as soon as I finally like did come around to the Internet and start just talking about it a little bit, so many people were like, this is happening to me right now. Like, this is my life too. Oh my gosh. And even when I host like pop up classes, people come up to me, like, I lost my dad when you lost your dad, or I lost my mom, or like my family member is really, really sick right now. And you don't realize, like, there is a whole other community of people going through the same thing that you are. And we need each other because it's. It's so isolating. And I think one of the things that, like, really helped me was that my partner now lost his dad. We had lost my grandpa a few years ago, so my mom had just lost her dad. My manager also lost her dad. So it's just like, I did have a little bit of community around me that understood literally exactly what I was going through. So that was really, really helpful to me.
- [27:25]
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- [27:55]
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- [28:39]
Anna Kai
Point at which you realize, like, okay, this grief will always be with me, but, like, I can move on and I can be happy, despite the fact that I'll always be sad that I lost my dad. Was there a point for you, like, in your healing process that it sort of shifted from being like an active grief to more of a passive grief?
- [28:58]
Raven Ross
I think it goes through waves, you know, because for a little bit, I was okay.
- [29:06]
Anna Kai
Like, right after that, you're in shock.
- [29:08]
Raven Ross
You're in shock.
- [29:09]
Anna Kai
That's not. Yeah, yeah. It's like numb all of a sudden. Yeah.
- [29:12]
Raven Ross
And of course you get upset when you think about it. But then I had a big slump. I want to say, like, maybe right before the holidays, like, downhill, down, bad. Because you, like, this is a first holiday without this person. There's so many first things. And now I think I'm a little bit more okay. But I haven't really talked about this either. But, like, my dad and I kind of like, our relationship was a Little bit on and off. And he. When he passed, he was actually, like, in this big thing and a lawsuit. And so now that's something that, like, I'm trying to carry on for him. So it has, like, delayed the closure a little bit, I feel like, because it's something that I'm constantly working on and, like, have not shared a lot about either. But I think that's definitely, like, setting it back, you know?
- [30:11]
Anna Kai
Right. Because you're still dealing with his life even after his life physically has ended.
- [30:16]
Raven Ross
Yeah.
- [30:17]
Anna Kai
So I'm. I'm sorry. That's very hard. I mean, are you spiritual in any way? Religious? Like, what do you believe happens after we die?
- [30:24]
Raven Ross
Oh, my gosh. You know, I definitely. I think people go to heaven, and I think that's the optimist in me. That's like, I. They just have to go somewhere, you know? And it's actually so crazy that you say that, because there is something that happens, because that morning before I knew the morning that it happened, I got this, like, voice in my head that was like, you need to call your mom.
- [31:01]
Anna Kai
Or.
- [31:02]
Raven Ross
No, the. Literally, the voice verbatim said, you need to talk to your mother. And it's so weird because, like, I would never call my mom my mother, but my dad called my mom my mother. And he was like, you need to talk to your mother. And it said it to me twice. And I was on the treadmill. I'll literally never forget it. I have chills right now. And so I called my mom just, like, randomly, and I, like, told her something important that, like, I hadn't really shared with her. And it was just like, okay, lady. Da, da, da. Like, that was weird. I get off the treadmill, I go back home, and then I get the call, and I'm like, that was so strange. Like, I. I never gotten the feeling that, like, you need to share something with her. You need to get closer to her. And so then I eventually tell my mom about that, and my mom's like, you know what's crazy? Before you called me, this was, like, early in the morning, like, seven, eight. She's like, before you called me, I just had, like, this wave of, like, anxiety. And, like, she is not an anxious person. Like, she's, like, very chill. She's like, I had so much anxiety that morning, and I didn't tell you about it. And, like, she was like, I literally couldn't even do my work. Like, she's like, I had to, like, lay back down and chill. So I say all of that to say like there is something to it. There's something. And I just like am optimistic about that. They, like have a little house and they go there forever.
- [32:25]
Anna Kai
I love that. Well, you know, I was not raised with any religion, but I am spiritual. And since I lost my grandfather two years ago, which was the first, you know, and it's so funny because it's like he was 95 and we knew it was coming, so he, it went the way we all hoped to go. But it still gutted me in a way that actually was shocking to me. I thought because it's your grandfather and I'm, you know, 33 and we knew he was sick for a while. Like, it would be sad, but in this detached way. And then when it happened, I was like, oh, I am not okay. But then I think what was really hard for me was I had never had to think about what. I thought about what happens after we die, because nobody close to me had ever died. And then I really thought about it and then I realized, well, first of all, scientifically, energy never dies. It just moves into something else. But also that there are a lot of things that you could chalk up to coincidence, but they're not really. I'll tell you something creepy, so. Or crazy or amazing or great. My parents, who are probably agnostic at best, and my dad, who's like the most practical realist ever, he said he lost his mom very suddenly at a very young age. He was, I think 24. She died in a car accident and he that the morning that she passed away. Her sister in law lives in Japan or lived in Japan at the time. She lived in Shanghai in China. And this was in the 80s, right. So there's. Communication is tough. So they still communicated via letters and messengers a lot of times to deliver important messages. And what they would do back then was that if a letter was really important, they would literally stick a feather on the envelope and deliver it by messenger. And so that when you got it or in the mail, you would know, I have to open this first. Right. So that was the signifier. And my aunt in. Or her. Sorry, her aunt in Japan or her sister in law. Her sister in law in Japan said that morning, before she found out that my grandmother passed away, she was in her kitchen and just this random feather floated out of nowhere.
- [34:40]
Raven Ross
What?
- [34:40]
Anna Kai
Yeah. And just kind of landed in the kitchen and she thought it was very strange. And then a couple hours later, she found out my grandmother had passed.
- [34:48]
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Wow.
- [34:49]
Anna Kai
So I guess you could chalk that up to she's indoors, she's Indoors.
- [34:54]
Raven Ross
When have you ever seen a random feather in your house?
- [34:56]
Anna Kai
I know, I know.
- [34:56]
Raven Ross
It's crazy.
- [34:57]
Anna Kai
I wanted more details, but nobody. I was like, was it like a quill pen? Was it like a down feather from a pillow? Like, paint this picture for me. But, you know, it's like, that's kind of what I believe in. And I. It. It costs nothing to believe. And there are so many inexplicable things that have happened in my life since my grandfather's past, everything that I'm like, there has to be something. There is something. I agree. I just. I fully believe that. And I. I fully believe also that we're too stupid to know what that is during our time on Earth.
- [35:27]
Raven Ross
I agree.
- [35:28]
Anna Kai
I think it'll make sense after we pierce the veil, so to speak. But you know how they say, like, little kids can see people that have passed because they're not bir burden with reality the way adults are?
- [35:39]
Raven Ross
I completely agree. They're closer to that spirituality.
- [35:42]
Anna Kai
Exactly. Because they just came from it, essentially. So what do you think your dad would say to you if he saw you now and all the success you've made and everything you've made in the last year?
- [35:52]
Raven Ross
Yeah, he was so proud of me. Even, like, it's. You know what's so amazing? That now when people pass, like, we have their social media, we have, like, so many more ways to easily access their memories, too. And so, like, my mom will go through his phone or his Facebook or Instagram, be like, oh, my gosh, like, look, he. He saved this. Or he was sending, like, my YouTube workouts to people to do so. I know. He was so insanely proud of me. And, yeah, I feel like he would just tell me to keep going. You know, I really. I talk to him all the time just, like, in my own head, but I think he's talking back. No, I totally agree. And there's so many different ways, crazy ways that I do think that he is, but I think he'd be really happy with, like, the path that I'm trying to take. And really, I'm really thoughtful about how I want to create a legacy inside of my family and really tackle, like, generational issues that my family has dealt with and hopefully, like, at least be the start to that change. And that was something that, like, before his passing, I had thought about, but, like, hadn't really done, you know?
- [37:11]
Anna Kai
So it ends and starts with you.
- [37:14]
Raven Ross
Oh, my God. It's the pressure for me.
- [37:16]
Anna Kai
The weight of your lineage on your shoulders. Well, speaking of, you've Been very open about the importance of balance in life, you know, because I love that you're very much talking about wellness and preaching how, you know, we should stay fit, but you're not discarding the pleasures in life. The guilty pleasures in life.
- [37:35]
Raven Ross
Yes.
- [37:36]
Anna Kai
So how do you give yourself balance? Because you're building a brand. You're trying to create enough content for social media. You're creating these workout. I don't. How do you do it? How do you find balance? How do you stay sane?
- [37:45]
Raven Ross
I'm not sane. Just for anyone wondering. I am literally crazy. There's that meme that I've been seeing recently. It's like, I will succeed because I am crazy. And it is actually so true. Amazing. Yeah. So I'm crazy. But I think for me, in this stage of my life, having so much to do, I like to find balance by being thoughtful in the little activities or whatever it is. Because before, like, it was nothing to, like, lay on the couch and, like, watch the New Housewives or watch Netflix. Like, it was nothing. I just woke up and went to work the next day. And now, like, I can't do that, you know? So I think really being thoughtful about how I'm feeling my cup. So sometimes, like, I know I don't have time to literally, just, like, rot on the couch. That isn't a thing for me in this space of my life. So maybe it's like, okay, I'm gonna, like, cook this meal, set the vibe, like, just, like, zone out a little bit. One thing I always do is turn off my phone. I literally, like, I have to disassociate. So I'll turn off my phone or, like, I'll put it super far away from me. And if I need, like, the Internet, like, I'll use my iPad, but that's a great, great way for me to, like, kind of recharge that battery, you know?
- [39:18]
Anna Kai
I love social media hiatuses, especially on the weekends. For me, I'm like, if. If I don't need to check my phone, it's going down for a very long time. In one of your videos that I loved, you said that in 2024, you were learning to stop taking advice from people that you wouldn't want to switch places with, which I thought was such a unique spin on it. So spicy. But here's the thing. You've built a life that probably many people would want to switch places with you. So what's your advice to women who see what you've built, who are maybe where you were 10, 15 years ago? Working three jobs, figuring out how do I get to her life from where I am.
- [40:02]
Raven Ross
Oh, my gosh. That is a great question. Because all the time I think about, like, I wish I could just go back to myself in that moment when I would listen to the doubters and be like, this is so dumb. Like, I would be like, editing a YouTube video. I didn't know how to. I go back and watch those videos. I'm like, that was really bad.
- [40:25]
Anna Kai
I watched my videos. The first few years of content. Me jogging, a camera on my first stories. I'm like, oh, my God.
- [40:31]
Raven Ross
What was I.
- [40:31]
Anna Kai
It's like a robot.
- [40:32]
Raven Ross
No, it was so bad.
- [40:38]
Anna Kai
Oh, God. Remember when stories first came out on Instagram, people would post like, 50 stories a day because they were rewarding that. And now it's like the opposite. I'm like, wait, if I only post once a day? But, yeah, it was. It's. It's cringe in the beginning, so. But you can't get to where you are now. You're so natural without being cringe in the beginning. I mean, maybe some people do, but.
- [40:59]
Raven Ross
I don't know how. Yeah, you have to. And I wish I could just, like, go back to myself then and be like, keep going. Like, don't. Don't even waste your time thinking about it. It's gonna be okay. Go harder. Like, it's fine. You don't have to edit that YouTube video perfectly. You're not a YouTube editor. Like, just put it out there. Don't focus on it and take the time. Like, I wish I could just go back and talk to her and give her that extra confidence. But if someone who's in that position now needed advice to be able to get to this position today, I think I would say, like, I always say on Instagram, honestly, like, you need to lean in to what makes you special, because everyone has something that makes them special. But on social media, it's so easy to, like, do what someone else is doing or feel like, oh, I can only do it if I look like that or if I have that amount of money or that degree or whatever it might be or that house to make better content. Lean into what makes you you. Like, I. My entire niche, and still to this day, my entire purpose is I want to create accessible, affordable Pilates workouts for women of color. Like, that is literally just it. And it has been the same since the beginning. So figure out what it is for you and do everything surrounding that.
- [42:25]
Anna Kai
I love that. Thank you so much for being here. That was such an inspirational note to end on. Where can everyone find you?
- [42:33]
Raven Ross
Oh, you can find me on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok, PlottiesBodyRaven and PlattiesBodyRaven.com as well.
- [42:43]
Anna Kai
Go check her out. All right, I'm gonna go work out now. You know what? Because we've been moving the last month, I've had no time to work out. But, like, now that we're here, I'm like, okay, it's time for me to incorporate a new indoor workout because it's still way too cold for me to run outside. So do it. There we go. Thank you so much, Raven.
- [43:00]
Raven Ross
Thank you, ma'am.
- [43:02]
Anna Kai
Hey, Kristen, how's it tracking with Carvana Value tracker?
- [43:06]
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What else?
- [43:07]
Anna Kai
Oh, it's tracking, in fact. Value surge alert. Trucks up 2.5%, vans down 1.7.
- [43:15]
Raven Ross
Just as predicted.
- [43:17]
Anna Kai
So we gonna. I don't know. Could sell.
- [43:20]
Raven Ross
Could hold the power to always know our car's worth.
- [43:23]
Anna Kai
Exhilarating, isn't it? Tracking Always know your car's worth with Carvana value tracker?