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- [00:00]
Monday.com
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- [00:30]
Anna Kai
Welcome back, bitties, to this week's solo episode of Brutally Anna. I'm your host, Anna Kai. Currently very distracted by a moth fluttering up my window trying to get in because it's dark out and it's light inside here. I feel like we can't have nice things in life because as soon as we get nice weather in this world, we get moths, we get ticks. I just spent an hour and a half today spraying our yard for ticks. Yes, I'm doing it myself. Call me Mrs. Pest Control. No, don't actually call me that. But seriously, I'm doing our own pest control because I just cannot fathom the prices that some of these people are charging to come to my yard for 10 minutes, spray some shit and then leave. Truly, it is highway robbery. I am sorry if you work in pest control. No, I am not. You guys make a fuck ton of money. Yeah. So I decided to do it myself. Put on a little gas backpack sprayer that holds about 3 gallons of water and some cedar oil concentrate, which is an organic product that I found online and went at it. So let's see how this goes. Honestly, owning a house is just such a scam because homeownership is the American dream, right? And I am so blessed and happy to be living where we're living. But then you have to maintain said house. And that's the part they don't tell you about when you're chasing the fucking American dream from your fake bedroom in your tiny New York City apartment that you share with two randoms that you met off of Craigslist. This was the dream 10 years ago, and now I have the dream. But the dream comes at a price. And that price is the price of a backpack sprayer, some cedar oil, and your time. But I will say, despite the fact that it is very frustrating that every time somebody sets foot on our property, I'm like, oh, that's how much that costs. Maybe not. I will say I am very proud of myself for learning how to do a lot of things that I previously thought only the so called experts could do.
- [02:50]
Monday.com
And.
- [02:50]
Anna Kai
And look, maybe they're not super complicated things. Maybe you guys know how to do them already. But the fact that I've been able to replace light fixtures in our house and do our own pest control, that's a win for me. That is a win for a girl who spent 11 years living in New York City doing none of that. And honestly sometimes still romanticizes going back to the city and living in a beautiful apartment where I have to do zero maintenance. But lest you think that that is the solution, it's not. Because if you own in New York City, you have to pay out your ass in maintenance fees, which is just like thousands of dollars each month that you pay to some bureaucracy called the HOA so that they can pay to repair the brick that's falling off of your building every five years, or to repaint the hallways, or to pay the janitor to clean up that 21 year old's vomit, the hallway every Friday night. Like, that's the your money goes to in the city. So I will say it's more convenient because you're paying a lot of money, but you yourself are not cleaning up the 21 year old's vomit outside of your doorstep. Unless your janitor, your porter, really sucks. But it's still a lot of money. Okay? So basically everything in life costs money. And I feel like women are not allowed to say that their primary mission is to make money. That women have to love their jobs or their careers to some higher degree. There has to be some stronger, almost charitable motivating factor for a woman to really be respected in her industry. That the primary motivation should be something else. It should be to change the organization or change lives or whatever. And then, then we can talk about, oh, what your salary is or what you're going to make. Honey, I cannot change other people's lives if I am not able to pay for my own. Maybe that's the conversation you have with your boss the next time you're up for promotion or a raise and they just don't have it in the budget or, you know, they're going to pay you and skittles and freaking sandwiches at the lunch counter at work. Instead, it's like, I cannot pay my mortgage in free lunches. I just want a bigger paycheck. And if you're in that boat, like, if you think about your life's purpose and you're like, I don't actually have a passion, but I do have a passion to make a buttload of money, that's totally acceptable. What you should do, though, is take that passion and figure out what you're good at. Figure out the best way to make a buttload of money that is going to hopefully contribute to society in some productive way. Like, hopefully you're not in the oil business or cutting down a shit ton of trees or, you know, committing genocide in order to make money. So let's, let's take all those crazy things out of the equation. Let's say you just want to start a business or you, you want to create a product or you want to develop a brand, or you want to become a freaking influencer, okay? Because this job is very well paid. All of those things. If you want to do those things because you want to make money, that is totally fine. I have a girlfriend, she crushes it at her job. She's a trader at a huge bank in New York City. And she was like, I came out of college and I decided that I wanted to make as much money as possible as early as possible. She is a director now at a very young age and she still all the time gets weird ass questions from men like, where do you see yourself in five years? Like, what do you want to do with the career you've built? It's like, dude, I want to just continue making more money. That's it. That's why I work my asshole. That's why I get up at 5, 4 or 5am Whatever. She has to get up and go to work when the market's open, which is heinously early. That's why I do this day in and day out. And that's why I've been doing it for 13 years. So for you, I hope you know that if you don't know where to go in life right now, if you're kind of at a crossroads in your career, quarter life crisis, midlife crisis, even, I don't know what demographics. Listening to me right now. Your goal and your purpose in life can be to make enough money to live a good life. Because to do all the things that you really want to do that truly bring you joy. I don't know what it is. Basket weaving, painting, going on vacation, not going on vacation, rotting in your house. Rotting in your house takes money. You got to pay your rent or your mortgage. Where did that bed that you're rotting on come from? Where did the sheets come from? Okay, girl, sheets are not cheap these days. And you want that nice thousand thread count Egyptian cotton that costs money, okay? So anything you do in life, even if it's nothing, costs money. I lied. Actually, there is one thing that doesn't cost money and it's more precious than money. And it's your time. I'm not talking about the time you give to your family, your friends, to your employer, to everybody else. I'm talking about the time that you are given. The time you have right now, which was granted upon you. The fact that you are living, breathing, existing, and able to, in some manner, capacity to go after a life that you want. That is such a gift. And I am reminded of this all the time because I watch a fuckton of Dateline. My favorite way to unwind on a Friday night with Dave is to sit on the couch and watch Dateline, 48 Hours, any sort of true crime show. And I'm reminded that truly, it can be worse. And I'm not even joking. Like, I don't even say that sarcastically. You think your life is tough? Try being dead. Okay? I guess dying is a lot easier than living a hard life because at least you don't have to try anymore. But the fact of the matter is, you ask anybody on their deathbed, all right? You ask anybody in those final moments what they would give to just try one more time, even if they knew they would fail. All of them would say, I would rather fail and live to see another day. Because the story doesn't end. And I think about this all the time in relation to luck, right? Like, I think luck plays such a huge role in the way people's lives unfold. It's not all luck. I do believe in the power of hard work. But some people do get lucky and some people get really unlucky. I don't know if you guys have been following the story about the missing University of Pittsburgh student who went to Putta Cana on spring break and has been missing. Her name is Sudiksha Kananki. And it's just really sad because to me, like, I was once a 20 year old who liked to party, who made questionable decisions, and there were so many moments in my life where I probably could have gotten into some real trouble. And by the grace of God, I was just okay. I mean, there were so many times I got into a cab or an Uber drunk, fell asleep, walked home alone, did all of the things that young inebriated women are not supposed to. And I am still alive at 34 and now I'm sober and I don't even want to go to a club, let alone spend any time at a club. So for her to lose her life doing this, and I say lose her life only because I saw today that her parents, their wishes are to actually declare her legally dead, even though they haven't found her and they don't know if she's still alive. Their opinion is, after 12 days, she is no longer on this physical earth. For her to lose her life doing what a lot of us did in our 20s, it just seems so unfair. It is unfair. And I say this not to bring you down, but to hopefully remind you that if you are alive right now, listening to my podcast, you have the opportunity that Sadiksha Kananki doesn't have. You have the opportunity to try again. I bet you her parents would give anything in the world to bring her back, even if they knew. And these are Indian parents, right? I mean, anybody with immigrant parents, Asian immigrant parents, I speak from experience, knows the pressures you face as the child of immigrant parents to succeed. I bet you her parents would give anything right now to have her back, even if it meant that she was going to fail at the next 10 endeavors she tried in her career. Because guess what? As long as you're alive, you can still try again. It doesn't matter if you fail. You can try again. The game ends when you die. And so if you are alive, you owe it to not only yourself, but you know what, to all the other people who didn't get the opportunity that you got to live to this age. People die at every age. I think about children who die from cancer. I think about children who are killed by their family members. And this is really dark. But honestly, sometimes I feel like you have to be reminded of all the darkness that you are lucky enough not to have to face in order for you to fucking open your eyes and see the light. Okay? We are always so focused on what we don't have that we don't realize how much light is in front of us. I mean, just think about the fact that if you had to choose between going to the job that you maybe don't like and dealing with your shitty boss and not living to see another day, I am pretty sure all of us would choose to live to see another day. And by the way, this is not at all a joke, but if you wouldn't choose to see another day, please stop listening to my podcast immediately and go seek help. Go talk to somebody. Go find somebody that makes you realize that your life is worth living. Truly, as somebody who knows people who have lost their lives to suicide and depression, it's not a joke. Okay? But I'm here to illustrate a point that if you are not suicidal, if you are not extremely depressed in the throes of mental illness that is gripping you and making you feel like your life is not worthy. Most of us in our right minds would choose to live another day, even if that day meant that we would have to deal with some bullshit that we didn't want to deal with. And so if you are lucky enough to be alive right now, if you are being given the time of being physically present on this earth, I hope you do something with it. Maybe you don't make the most of your day, but maybe you make some of your day worthwhile. Not every single minute can be productive, can be worthwhile, can feel fulfilling. But maybe you even make an hour today better for you. I have so much sympathy and grace for Sidiksha Kananki's parents and her family right now. I cannot imagine what they're going through. I hope they're wrong. I hope she still alive. But if they're right, I hope that they can find some sort of closure that they need in order to continue living their lives. But for you, who's listening to me right now, your life is so worth living. Even if some of the days are shitty, even if you're failing, even if you just got dumped. I don't care if you feel like the least valuable person in the world right now. The fact of the matter is you are lucky because you have the opportunity to try again. All right, we're gonna get into some voicemails, but before we do, a quick word from my sponsors. Today's show is sponsored by Strawberry Me Bitties. Let's cut to the chase. You're stuck. Mentally, emotionally, physically. You know it and I know it, and even your boss knows it. But he or she is too busy maxing out their vacation days to care. You're waiting for the change to help you feel more like you're thriving and less likely you're just surviving. Maybe it's a promotion. Maybe it's a new job. Or maybe you don't know what you want, and that's the problem. But here's the thing. No one is coming to save you. And while you're waiting, your life is ticking on by. If you want more money, a better job, a new job, or a new life, you need to stop waiting and start doing. That's where Strawberry Me career coaching comes in. They match you with a certified career coach. And no, not the kind of career coach that your unemployed cousin who keeps telling you to manifest success is. Your certified coach helps you figure out what it is you're actually good at, what it is you want to do, and how to create an actionable plan to make the life you want to live actually happen. They hold you accountable because, let's be honest, it's too easy to just do it tomorrow when left to your own devices. So now you can stop waiting, start doing, and start living. What are you waiting for? Truly, stop doomscrolling through your for your page One more viral dog video isn't going to make you feel any more ready to take the leap. Go to Strawberry Me Anna and claim your $50 credit. That's strawberry Me Anna, because if you don't start your career, seriously, why should anyone else?
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Listener
Hi Anna, I haven't been able to find a lot of podcasts that talk about this unique struggle in dating, which is what to do when you feel like you don't like anyone enough to compromise in the way that you need to in order for a relationship to last. I'm six months post breakup and I'm happy. I have good friends, I have a dog, I have a good career in the making, and I've been on more than my fair share of boring dates that I don't feel enthused about. When I did finally like someone, they didn't want to date me because I'm not religious and I don't know if I ended up never finding my person, I would be okay. But I would like to find my person and it's just feeling like more work than it's worth at this point, so I'm hoping that maybe you can offer some some insight. I mean, I'm 23, so I'm not in a rush and I know I have lots of time, but I just. Yeah, I'm feeling tired I guess. Anywho, thank you and I appreciate all of the helpful perspectives you've already been able to give me, so this would just be icing on the cake, I guess.
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Anna Kai
I want to start off by saying this. You know this. But I really want to hammer the point home. You are 23. You are so fucking young. You have no idea. All the good that's in store for you. You have no idea who you're going to meet. And my guess is that you will not end up alone, because it sounds like you care enough about meeting somebody to even leave me a voicemail and ask me for my opinion on this. People who genuinely do not want companionship, who are totally okay being single, generally don't leave voicemails on podcasts for influencers who talk about relationships. Okay? So I just want to set the stage here. It's not that I think you don't care. I think you're just tired. And that's super valid, by the way. But I think here's the thing, is that, as with anything in life, it takes time. And anything worth having takes so much longer than you actually think it's going to take. Think about your career. You know that if you continue on in your career 10 years from now, you'll be in a very different place than you are right now. And you're able to see those little wins right now or big wins or those milestones that kind of, I think, give you hope to the next phase. I think that's why maybe you feel better about your career than you do with your love life. Because at least in your career, if you're in a corporate environment, you're getting some wins every now and then, you are seeing that there's a path forward and there's a future. Whereas when you go from date to date to date, finding everybody boring and then finding a guy you like who doesn't want to date you because you're not religious enough, it doesn't feel like you're climbing the ladder. Right? It doesn't feel like you're actually making progress. It just feels like you're wasting time. But that's the thing. You are making progress. You are making progress every time you go out and date somebody new. You are making progress every time you decide to put yourself out there to talk to a guy that you're interested in, to let the universe know that you are open for business. And I think the way you have to think about dating is that every boring guy, every guy who doesn't want you, and every guy who's not quite the right fit is just one guy closer to the right guy. And nobody said it was going to be easy. Nobody said it was going to be relaxing. It is tiring. It is hard. It is really frustrating. Some people get lucky and they meet their forever person right out the gate. They meet them in college or high school, and then they stayed happily married forever. A lot of people don't, though. And especially now that women have more choices than they ever have before and more money and freedom. Women are choosing to stay single longer because they don't have to get married in order to live a good life, because they're no longer reliant on their husband's income to buy a house or to go on vacation or really even to have a child. There are so many single unmarried women who just elect to have a child on their own via a surrogate or via IVF with a donor. So you have those options. And so it's up to you to use those choices wisely. Choose wisely, take your time. But understand that this feeling of being tired, that's just part of the process. I really did not like dating in my 20s. There was no part of being single and dating that I liked unless it was a good date. But then most of my good dates did not lead to relationships, or most of my good dates led to relationships that didn't work out. But I needed those relationships that didn't work out, and I needed those bad dates. I met my husband at the perfect time for me and him. We always talk about this. We say to each other, oh, if we had met five years earlier, would it have worked out? I don't know, because he said to me when we met, he was like, you know, five years ago, I wasn't really ready to meet my wife. I wasn't ready for a relationship. And five years prior to that, I thought I was ready for a relationship, but I really wasn't. I just wanted a man, but I really needed to learn how to be without one in order to become the person I was meant to be for my husband and for me. I had my own life when I met him. I loved my life when I met Dave. And because of that, I didn't put so much weight on him to fix my life. And I'm not saying you're waiting for a man to come fix your life. In fact, it seems like your life is pretty damn good other than the fact that you don't have a partner right now. I'm just saying that life really can only be understood backwards, right? You will not understand why things are happening the way they're happening until you look in the rear view. But until that point, I want you to think of every bad date you go on as one more step in the right direction towards what you really want, which is a partner in life. It doesn't sound like you're desperate, but it sounds like you know that ultimately you would be happiest partnered with somebody, even though the rest of your life is great, and that's totally fine. I am much happier married with my husband than I would be alone. And I love my job, and I love my life outside of my marriage. But at the end of the day, the reason I do this job and the reason I work hard is so that I can create this wonderful family life at home with my husband. That I think if you want that, there is no shame in wanting that. But I also want you to know I'm 34 years old. I'm 11 years older than you. It took me 11 years from where you are to get to be where I am. And I wouldn't trade where I am for the world right now. So give yourself 11 years. Don't even give yourself 11 years. Give yourself three years and see where you are. You are allowed to be tired, okay? I'm tired. I feel it in my bones. I hate it when people who are older than me are like, you're too young to be tired. I'm like, no, bitch. It is tiring, okay? Existing is exhausting. You are allowed to be tired at whatever age you're tired at. But don't let being tired stop you. Stop. Recharge. Sleep, all right? Take a fucking nap. Take a break if you have to, but then get back in the game. You cannot win a game that you are not playing. And that's all it is. Dating is a game. And by continuing to date and meeting more men, you are increasing your odds of meeting him. And so just remember, even when it doesn't feel like you're making progress because you just keep going on shitty date after shitty date, you are making progress. There is a timing to your life. I want you to trust it. Because if I had only trusted the timing of my life in my 20s, I would have enjoyed it so much more. If I had known then that I'd be here now, I would not have spent the decade in my twenties so anxious and worried that nothing was going to work out. So just have a little faith and know that you'll get there. I want to end on this thought today, because yesterday I felt like absolute shit. And today I feel reborn. And the only difference between yesterday and today was that the night before I got five hours of sleep and today I got eight hours. And I feel like we live in a culture where we see hustle culture glorified so much, right? And I believe in the hustle. I believe in the grind. It's not that it's Just that I also believe in the sleep. The sleep fuels the grind. And I always see all these videos of, you know, all these influencers getting up at like 4 or 5 in the morning regularly and all of that. I wish I could just see like a day in the life where an influencer is like, I went to bed at 11 and I got up at 7 and I got eight hours of sleep. Like, can we glorify sleep culture a little bit more? Why is sleep the enemy? And I'm speaking for myself almost because I feel guilty sometimes when I sleep in an extra half hour hour. I am self employed so I have the flexibility to not clock in at a certain time. And so it's really up to me to regulate my own schedule. So there's always more work to do. It's like, oh, if I get up just an hour earlier, I could get this done or that done. And sometimes I just have to sleep. And I was reminded today of how important sleep is, that yes, it's important to work hard in life. Yes, it's important to make the most of your time, but it's also important to rest. Because here's what happens when you don't rest is that you do a lot of things that look like rest but aren't actually resting. When I was super tired on Monday, I couldn't really get anything done because I couldn't focus. But I was trying to stay awake because I didn't want to go to sleep because I was like, I can't take a nap. I have all this stuff I have to do. So I didn't end up being super productive, I didn't end up sleeping, so I ended up scrolling. And we do this, we glorify not taking care of ourselves because somehow not taking care of yourself means you're working harder. No correlation does not equal causation. You cannot pour from an empty cup. And so if your cup is empty today, please take this episode as a sign from whatever God you pray to that you need to go to sleep. If you can't sleep because you're on your way to work, go take a nap when you get home today. Or you know what? Go home when you need to and instead of getting on TikTok, instead of going to the gym, go to sleep. Stop prioritizing everything else over your sleep. Your sleep is the most important thing. Go rot in bed, okay? Get yourself into bed and see what a difference an extra two hours of sleep can do for you. I don't think you can work out to the max if you don't sleep well first. It is the basis of all things and I am just here to say that I am ending this episode now so I can go the fuck to sleep. And on that note, I bid you all a good night, sweet dreams and don't let the bedbugs bite. As always, if you like this episode, please consider rating Reviewing I appreciate all of your feedback and if you want to leave me a voicemail to answer on next week's episode, you can do so@speakpipe.com brutallyannapodcast all you homeowners have unique needs.
- [30:44]
GEICO
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