Solo Episode: Weddings, Boundaries, and the Joy of Missing Out

Summary

Brutally Anna
Episode Title: Solo Episode: Weddings, Boundaries, and the Joy of Missing Out
Host: Anna Kai
Release Date: February 27, 2025

---

Introduction

In this solo episode of Brutally Anna, host Anna Kai delves deep into the often unspoken challenges surrounding weddings, setting personal boundaries, and embracing the joy of missing out (JOMO). With her characteristic honesty and humor, Anna navigates through personal anecdotes and insightful conversations with an unnamed friend, offering listeners relatable experiences and practical advice.

The Coffee Catastrophe

Anna kicks off the episode with a humorous yet relatable mishap involving her misplaced coffee.

• [00:55] Anna Kai: "I forgot where I put my large hot coffee that I paid over $7 for. On Saturday, and I just found it today."

She recounts leaving her expensive coffee in the closet, only to discover it had turned into a "coffee flan," a curdled, jelly-like substance. This anecdote serves as a metaphor for missed opportunities and the humorous side of life's little disasters.

• [02:15] Unnamed Friend: "Betty's... we did not get our ROI on that $7.38 that I paid for that coffee. That coffee is a sunk cost, and we're gonna move on."

The Cost of Daily Luxuries

Transitioning from coffee to broader life choices, Anna and her friend discuss the financial implications of daily luxuries versus long-term savings.

• [03:11] Anna Kai: "That's $5,387 and 4 cents. Okay, so no, you will not be a millionaire if you forsake all of the beautiful things in life, like coffee."

They humorously critique the common advice of cutting back on small indulgences to save money, highlighting the balance between enjoying life's pleasures and financial prudence.

Navigating the World of Weddings

The conversation shifts to weddings, a significant theme of the episode. Anna shares her initial excitement about attending weddings, imagining them as grand celebrations of love and friendship.

• [05:06] Anna Kai: "I just thought, how fun."

However, her perspective changes after her own wedding experience.

• [05:24] Unnamed Friend: "But as somebody who did not love her own wedding, they're just not really my cup of tea."

The Reality of Wedding Planning

Anna and her friend delve into the exhaustive process of planning a wedding, discussing the emotional and financial toll it can take. They reflect on their personal experiences, revealing a common sentiment of exhaustion rather than joy post-wedding.

• [07:07] Unnamed Friend: "I looked at Dave and I said, I'm really glad we did that for our families because I think our families had a good time. And honestly, I would do it again just so I could see my parents that happy."

Despite the outward appearance of a perfect wedding, both express feeling drained by the multitude of events and obligations that come with it.

Dealing with Demanding Friends and Bridezillas

A significant portion of the episode focuses on handling friends who become overly demanding during wedding preparations, often labeled as "bridezillas."

• [08:05] Anna Kai: "It'S not just their day. It is their day that they're sharing with their family and friends and that you should probably not be a total jackass on that day to your family and friends."

They discuss the importance of setting boundaries to prevent financial and emotional exhaustion caused by excessive demands from friends during wedding festivities.

• [09:04] Anna Kai: "If you need to take a fucking break today, go do it. I'll be back next week answering your voicemails with, hopefully a little bit more voice."

The Importance of Setting Boundaries

Anna and her friend emphasize the necessity of establishing personal boundaries to maintain mental and emotional well-being.

• [11:18] Unnamed Friend: "Choosing yourself sometimes and choosing what you want to do means that other people won't choose you."

They advocate for the power of saying "no" to requests that are too burdensome, highlighting that prioritizing oneself is essential for healthy relationships and personal happiness.

• [11:43] Anna Kai: "So what do you do? Here's what you do when you do. Not want to go, when the ask is too much, you don't go."

Embracing the Joy of Missing Out (JOMO)

The episode culminates with a discussion on embracing introversion and finding contentment in solitude, coining it as the "joy of missing out" (JOMO).

• [14:27] Unnamed Friend: "It's called the joy of missing out, not the fear of missing out. Because, honey, when I miss out on the party, I get to stay in and experience myself."

Anna shares her personal revelation of being more introverted than she previously thought, learning to recharge through alone time rather than social interactions.

Leading by Example: Self-Care

In a candid moment, Anna reveals her own struggles with overexertion from recording the podcast and attending events, ultimately deciding to prioritize her health.

• [15:27] Anna Kai: "I kind of need to take my own advice this week because I am losing my voice as I record this episode."

She underscores the importance of self-care by choosing to rest her vocal cords, encouraging listeners to also take breaks when needed.

Conclusion

This episode of Brutally Anna offers a candid exploration of the complexities surrounding weddings, the necessity of setting personal boundaries, and the liberation found in embracing JOMO. Through personal stories and honest dialogue, Anna Kai provides listeners with valuable insights on balancing social obligations with self-care, ultimately advocating for a life where one's own happiness and well-being take center stage.

---

Notable Quotes:

• [00:58] Anna Kai: "That was no longer good. And here's a fun thing I learned about coffee..."
• [03:11] Anna Kai: "$7.38 times two years is what. Hold on, let me pause. Let me see. That's $5,387 and 4 cents."
• [10:02] Anna Kai: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
• [11:18] Unnamed Friend: "Choosing yourself sometimes and choosing what you want to do means that other people won't choose you."
• [14:27] Unnamed Friend: "It's called the joy of missing out, not the fear of missing out."

Final Thoughts

Anna Kai masterfully intertwines humor with heartfelt advice, making complex emotional topics accessible and engaging. This episode serves as a valuable resource for anyone grappling with similar issues, offering both empathy and actionable strategies to navigate the often turbulent waters of relationships and self-care.

Transcript

[Monday.com]

Dear old work platform. It's not you, it's us. Actually, it is you. Endless onboarding, constant IT bottlenecks. We've had enough. We need a platform that just gets us. And to be honest, we've met someone new. They're called Monday.com and it was love at first. Onboarding. Their beautiful dashboards, their customizable workflows got us floating on a digital cloud nine. So no hard feelings, but we're moving on. Monday.com, the first work platform you'll love to use.

[Anna Chi]

Welcome back, bitties, to this week's solo episode of Brutally Anna. I'm your host, Anna Chi, and as always, I hope this episode finds you doing well. But if it doesn't find you doing.

[Unnamed Friend]

Well, I hope it finds you trying to be at least a little bit better.

[Anna Chi]

I just want you to know today that if you're struggling, please remember this little story of the fact that I forgot where I put my large hot.

[Unnamed Friend]

Coffee that I paid over $7 for.

[Anna Chi]

On Saturday, and I just found it today.

[Unnamed Friend]

You want to know where I put it?

[Anna Chi]

I put it in my closet on a top shelf. And really a shelf that I can really only reach with a step stool. I have no idea what I was doing, but suffice it to say, that coffee was no longer good. And here's a fun thing I learned about coffee, or at least hot coffee. When you let it sit in your closet at room temperature for four days, it curdles. It congealed into this, like, jelly, solid substance. It was so gross. I opened it because I was like, oh, let me just see how it looks.

[Unnamed Friend]

Because, you know, curiosity killed the cat.

[Anna Chi]

And let me just say this. It didn't actually look that bad, but it smelled really funky because there was creamer in there. So I'm assuming that's what kind of.

[Unnamed Friend]

Makes it solidify from a liquid into.

[Anna Chi]

Really this custard, like, substance. It looked like some flan that you get at a restaurant, but like a coffee flan. So, like, if you had served it on a plate and made it all pretty, I might have thought it was supposed to be like that. But then you lean in closer and you're like, oh.

[Unnamed Friend]

Oh, no. Betty's.

[Anna Chi]

We did not get our ROI on that $7.38 that I paid for that coffee. That coffee is a sunk cost, and we're gonna move on. We're gonna move on to other coffees.

[Unnamed Friend]

I've drank four other coffees since then that I made at home.

[Anna Chi]

You know, serves me right for not making My coffee at home. Is this God's way of saying that I would be so much richer by now if I just made my coffee at home? Can have we let go of that? You know, the boomers telling the millennials, don't get the avocado or the guac on the chipotle and make your coffee at home and you'll be a millionaire in two years. Like, honey, I don't think you understand how math works. $7.38 times two years is what. Hold on, let me pause. Let me see. That's $5,387 and 4 cents.

[Unnamed Friend]

Okay, so, no, you will not be a millionaire if you forsake all of.

[Anna Chi]

The beautiful things in life, like coffee.

[Unnamed Friend]

And guac and avocado. Get that shit. All right?

[Anna Chi]

Except when it's. You know what the worst is? When you get the guac at Chipotle or wherever it may be, because, like.

[Unnamed Friend]

Guac is extra everywhere when you get the guac.

[Anna Chi]

And they used either one of two avocados, they either used overripe avocados.

[Unnamed Friend]

So the. The guac is, like, a little grayish black, and it has that, like, weird aftertaste to it.

[Anna Chi]

That's super disappointing. Or when they didn't let the avocado ripen enough, and the guac is, like, chunky hard. Guys, if you are going to charge an arm and a leg, like, literally 30% of whatever my dish was for guacamole, please wait until the avocado is at the perfectly ripe stage. I digress.

[Unnamed Friend]

I didn't come on here today to complain about shitty guac that you have to pay extra for, though that is all true.

[Anna Chi]

What I do want to talk about.

[Unnamed Friend]

Today is letting your friends down, because in order to not let them down.

[Anna Chi]

You'D have to let yourself down.

[Unnamed Friend]

I was having this conversation the other day with a friend who's a little.

Bit younger than me, and she was.

Telling me that all of her friends from high school and college that are her age are starting to get married.

And she's starting to go to a lot of weddings. And I. I kind of remember that from a few years ago. I mean, there was one year where I remember I was going to, like, six weddings, and it just becomes a lot.

And I always thought before all of.

My friends and myself got married that I would love going to weddings because there's just one big party. Because all I'd seen from videos were these perfectly curated moments of every single wedding.

[Anna Chi]

And I just thought, how fun. And now that I'm sort Of on the other side of it, where most.

[Unnamed Friend]

Of my friends have gotten married, I've gotten married.

[Anna Chi]

I'm gonna put it out there. I don't really like weddings. And I fully realized this when I.

[Unnamed Friend]

Heard one of my agents say this to me last year. She had recently gotten engaged, and I asked her, are you gonna have a wedding? And she said, honestly, probably not. She's a little bit older.

[Anna Chi]

And she said, the thing is, I.

[Unnamed Friend]

Don'T like going to weddings.

[Anna Chi]

So I don't even know if I.

[Unnamed Friend]

Want to plan one for myself. It's a lot of money, and I think my fiance and I are just going to take that money that we would have spent on a wedding and.

[Anna Chi]

Put it towards the house. And something about her saying that to.

[Unnamed Friend]

Me made me realize I don't really think I truly enjoy weddings. I am so happy for my friends. I am so happy that they found the love of their lives.

[Anna Chi]

But as somebody who did not love.

[Unnamed Friend]

Her own wedding, they're just not really my cup of tea.

[Anna Chi]

And I was actually surprised because I was a Pinterest girly who thought that.

[Unnamed Friend]

She was going to love her own wedding.

[Anna Chi]

I mean, come on, guys.

[Unnamed Friend]

I'm a fucking influencer, all right?

[Anna Chi]

I love me some attention. And there's no better way to get.

[Unnamed Friend]

Attention as a woman than as the bride on her wedding day. So I did the thing, you know, Dave and I, I bought the dress.

[Anna Chi]

I bought two dresses. We invited all the family, all the friends, all the extended family.

[Unnamed Friend]

We did the three day wedding, we did the rehearsal dinner, the welcome party, the wedding day, the farewell brunch, the after party.

[Anna Chi]

I mean, it was so lovely. But at the end of it all.

[Unnamed Friend]

I looked at Dave and I said, I'm really glad we did that for our families because I think our families had a good time. And honestly, I would do it again just so I could see my parents that happy.

[Anna Chi]

But we were just exhausted. It didn't actually feel like we got.

[Unnamed Friend]

To be in the moment and enjoy.

[Anna Chi]

The moment because we were always being carted around from one photo op to the next. And I will say the one thing.

[Unnamed Friend]

That I am very proud of with our wedding and our wedding events is.

[Anna Chi]

That I was always cognizant of trying.

[Unnamed Friend]

Not to put our guests out too much.

[Anna Chi]

But here's what I will say. Do unto others as you would have.

[Unnamed Friend]

Them do unto you, right? I am pretty proud of the way we handled our wedding and our wedding related events only because as a guest now, who has been to many weddings that have been more than inconvenient.

[Anna Chi]

I fully appreciate it when the bride.

[Unnamed Friend]

And groom also make it apparent that.

[Anna Chi]

It'S not just their day.

[Unnamed Friend]

It is their day that they're sharing.

With their family and friends and that you should probably not be a total jackass on that day to your family and friends.

[Anna Chi]

So what do I mean by that? I mean, don't make your fucking bachelorette.

[Unnamed Friend]

Party in Fiji where everyone has to take a private plane to get there and then spend $800 a night just on room.

[Anna Chi]

And then, you know, I don't know what it is, but I was talking to my girlfriend and she was like, look, my friend, I love her so.

[Unnamed Friend]

Much, but her bachelorette party is in.

[Anna Chi]

The Swiss Alps and she wants us.

[Unnamed Friend]

All to go to every single dress fitting with her.

I've been to seven dress fittings. I was like, girl, that is fucking six more than I've ever gone to with any of my friends. So you're a better friend than I am.

[Anna Chi]

And then Bridezilla over here is like, I want you all to go to.

[Unnamed Friend]

Your own dress fitting for your bridesmaids dresses. And you need to go schedule it at this particular tailor in the city. You can only go to him and here's the dress I want you to buy. And mind you, she's not covering any of this. It's not like she's paying for any of it.

[Anna Chi]

And I was talking to my girlfriend.

[Unnamed Friend]

About this and she was like, I.

Never thought my friend was like this.

Before she got engaged and before she started planning the wedding.

[Anna Chi]

And here's what I think it is.

[Unnamed Friend]

I think a lot of people do not get the attention that they want.

[Anna Chi]

In their day to day life.

[Unnamed Friend]

They don't get the recognition they want.

And so the wedding is the one day to almost pay for that attention.

And to say, no, all eyes on me, finally.

[Anna Chi]

And some people genuinely don't give a shit. Like, some of the best weddings I've.

[Unnamed Friend]

Been to have been my girlfriends who could care less about that kind of attention.

They're truly there because they want to.

Party, they want a boogie, and they.

Want to celebrate being married to the love of their lives, Typically, after a.

Very long span of years of dating terrible dudes.

Not everybody's like this, but we got some friends, all of us do that.

[Anna Chi]

Turn, if not into a total bridezilla.

[Unnamed Friend]

Maybe a baby bridezilla, like a baby T. Rex, not a full grown T. Rex, you know, and you're still there for your friends because, you know, it's.

Like a thing where you're like, it's fine.

It's just the wedding.

You're gonna turn back into a human.

Like, you know, Cinderella's pumpkin turned into.

A carriage and then turned back into a pumpkin.

It's like, well, the good version of.

You is the pumpkin, actually. And I know at midnight, you know, after your wedding, I get my pumpkin bag, but, like, you just gotta be that diva carriage right now. And I'm just gonna let you be the carriage.

So how do I deal with these.

Friends if you are in a situation like this?

Well, here's what you have to do.

[Anna Chi]

You gotta set some boundaries.

[Unnamed Friend]

Because, my Lord, I have heard so many stories of yours where you're like, I am going broke because I am saying yes to all of my girlfriends. Bachelorette parties, bridal showers, and there's travel involved and gifts and then outfits for yourself for all those events. And it all gets to be really freaking expensive.

[Anna Chi]

So what do you do?

[Unnamed Friend]

Here's what you do when you do.

Not want to go, when the ask.

Is too much, you don't go. And you're like, well, it's not that simple. I can't offend them. Yeah, but you know what? By not offending your friends, you are offending yourself. And we don't think about that. We have a relationship with ourselves, and we have to take care of that relationship. And if you're constantly doing things that take you outside of the relationship with yourself, then that's when you start to feel depleted. That's when you start to feel angry and bitter and resentful, and you don't want to do that, and your friends don't want that. Okay, look, in a perfect world, you would love every single thing your friend asks you to do for their wedding, but that's just not the case for a lot of weddings. And so you cannot be afraid to disappoint people. And I always say this. Choosing yourself sometimes and choosing what you want to do means that other people won't choose you. But I think the beauty of getting older for me in my 30s now, is realizing that I need to be chosen less by other people and chosen more by myself. That I'm not always looking for this external validation from all these people around me. I'm more looking inwards. Okay, what do I need to do to take care of myself? And most of the time, what that looks like, honestly, is just saying no. It's really simple. You just say, no, this is too complicated. I'm not doing this. The ask is too much. It's too expensive. You just say, no. Okay, well, then the fear becomes, well, what if I stop getting invited to things? Do you even want to be invited to even half of the things you get invited to? Do you want to go to the party? Do you want to go to the wedding? Do you want to go to any of these things? And if the answer is no, but what will I do if I'm not going to the party? The answer is, you figure out how to enjoy your own company. Because, my God, I used to revitalize, recharge, whatever the word is that you want to use around other people. I couldn't stand being alone. I couldn't stand the thoughts in my own head. I felt energized by people. And as I get older now and I get more comfortable with who I am and what I like to do or really what I don't like to do, I realized that I'm actually not as much of an extrovert as I thought I was. I'm an introvert. I recharge by being alone, not by being around other people. It's called the joy of missing out, not the fear of missing out. Because, honey, when I miss out on the party, I get to stay in and experience myself, and I get to experience what truly unplugging feels like. And I don't know if you can hear on this episode, but I kind of need to take my own advice this week because I am losing my voice as I record this episode. It has been a very event, heavy week for me and a very heavy recording week. I spent the last three days just talking straight, recording for the podcast, going to different events. I mean, it's a blessed life I lead, y'all, but there are a lot of words in this life, and I feel like my voice is giving out on me a little bit right now. So instead of continuing on, I'm going to take my own advice. I feel like right now what I'm supposed to do is power through this.

And give you guys the 40 minutes.

That I normally do and get to your voicemails. But, y'all, I'm gonna have, like, no voice tomorrow if I continue giving. So I'm gonna say no to you tonight.

But know that I love you and say yes to myself.

Cause a biddy's gotta rest her vocal.

Cords, she's gotta go drink some water.

And she's gotta sleep. So please, I lead by example here. If you need to take a fucking break today, go do it. I'll be back next week answering your voicemails with, hopefully a little bit more voice.

[GEICO]

All you homeowners have unique needs. Some feel the need to leave up holiday decorations year round. Others have the need to use their garage as practice space for their new metal band. And because each homeowner has unique needs, GEICO helps you get the right coverage for your home and what's in it. That way you get exactly what's right for you, even if your needs are unique. Get more with Geico.