The Art of Dining Alone (and Redefining Community)

Summary

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Brutally Anna: "The Art of Dining Alone (and Redefining Community)"

Host: Anna Kai
Date: October 3, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this candid, relatable episode, Anna Kai unpacks the emotional nuances of dining alone and how her definition of community has transformed over time. Blending humor, vulnerability, and real-life stories, Anna explores loneliness versus solitude, how our social circles evolve, and why it’s freeing to let go of outdated social expectations. She reflects on moving, adult friendship struggles, and accidental social moments—always with her signature “no bullsh*t” honesty.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Adjusting to Life in the Suburbs

• Anna shares her and her husband Dave’s move from New York City to Connecticut during the pandemic, prompted by Dave’s job. She reflects on the difficulty of forging strong adult friendships, especially after frequent moves and a relatively reclusive lifestyle.
  • "We’ve moved three times in the last five years, so we haven’t been in the same town for longer than like two years... That doesn’t really bode well for creating strong neighborhood relationships." — Anna (03:20)
• Anna admits they’re not “social joiners,” never joining country clubs or community groups, and wonders how adults are expected to make new friends in the suburbs (04:09).
• Freedom in Absence of Social Obligations: Anna revels in the freedom of an empty weekend calendar, noting that children might eventually change this. For now, she embraces low-key Friday nights.
  • "There’s something just so relaxing about getting to the weekend and having absolutely no social obligations... We really enjoy just getting to a Friday and a Saturday night and just being able to go to dinner when we want." — Anna (04:17)

2. The Joys (and Awkwardness) of Dining Alone

• Anna romanticizes solo dining—reminiscing about her pre-Dave 20s when eating out alone was both a necessity and a self-love gesture (06:18).
  • "Why do I have to wait for a date to go out to a nice restaurant? I can afford to take myself out somewhere nice just because I don’t have somebody to split a meal with." — Anna (06:36)
• She explains that solo dining often brings more focus and enjoyment to the meal, free from the distractions and nerves of a new relationship (06:44–07:42).
• Anna acknowledges the brief initial awkwardness, then the realization that "nobody gives a sh*t about you"—especially in a big city (07:54 – 08:12).
  • "Once you get over the like slight awkwardness of eating alone... you realize nobody gives a shit about you. Seriously." — Anna (07:56)
• She shares her preferences for sitting at a table (unless it’s sushi) and her long-held fantasy of a romantic “meet-cute” at a restaurant, but admits reality rarely lives up to the movie script:
  • "I spent my twenties fantasizing of how romantic it would be if I was in like my own Nora Ephron movie... but also simultaneously kind of not wanting anybody to talk to me because I really just wanted to be into the food." (09:37)

3. Unexpected Connections (and Social Mishaps)

• Anna narrates a recent solo sushi dinner in NYC where, despite her intent to eat alone, she ends up in close quarters with multiple strangers due to awkward restaurant seating:
  • She describes subtle seat shuffling to avoid being in the middle of a couple’s “very early date”—and the comedy of being mistaken as a couple with a stranger (“Brad”).
• The whole situation becomes a serendipitous shared experience as conversations spark up between Anna, the married man, and the date night couple (10:46–15:22).
  • "The servers did not tell the busboys who brought out our individual meals that we were not together... so they kept putting my order in between the two of us assuming that we were there together and sharing the sushi." — Anna (13:45)
• Ultimately, the night is fun, social, and fleeting—no numbers exchanged, no continuing bonds.
  • "Nobody exchanged numbers or anything like that, nobody vowed to stay in touch, and it was just a very New York interaction." — Anna (15:22)

4. Redefining Community & Navigating Adulthood’s Lonely Paradox

• After this accidental night of socializing, Anna feels unexpectedly alone—highlighting the difference between being “social” and feeling genuinely connected (16:13).
  • "I remember feeling this feeling that I hadn’t felt in a really long time... I felt very alone even though I was more surrounded by people than I ever thought I would be." — Anna (16:13)
• She recognizes that her definition of community has shrunk (and deepened): now, it’s her husband, parents, dog, a few local friends, and old close girlfriends (16:32–17:08).
• Anna reflects on the “friendship fade” that naturally occurs from one’s twenties into thirties—the ebbing away of surface-level connections, and the freedom in letting go rather than maintaining transactional friendships (19:32–21:05).
  • "A lot of friendships just fade... you realize that the ones that faded were probably not meant to be in your life forever. They were only meant to be part of your community for a really short amount of time." — Anna (19:32, 19:49)
  • "With friends who you just simply catch up and you don’t dissect the happenings of your life... it always feels a little bit more of a chore." — Anna (20:38)

5. The Invitation to Get Real About Your Community

• Anna closes by encouraging listeners to audit their own social circles as the seasonal “gathering” pressure ramps up:
  • "I really urge you to really think about who your actual community is... who can you actually not live without in your life and focus on those relationships." — Anna (21:28)
• She reassures that having even “five living sentient beings” you can rely on makes you lucky—whether friends, family, spouse, pet, or anyone else (22:02).
  • "If you even have five people you can count on one hand that you can say, these are my ride or die humans... you’re a lucky [person]." — Anna (22:15)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On adult friendship fatigue:
  "I have a hard time keeping up with the five friends that I do see on a regular basis and beyond that maybe the eight friends I see once a quarter or once a year... as you get older you just realize that you need so much less and that’s actually a lot more freeing." — Anna (18:22, 18:44)
• On “break it down” friends vs. “catch up” friends:
  "These days, if someone were to take a photo of most of my Friday nights, it would look pretty sad. It’s just me, Dave, and Sawyer on the couch..." — Anna (19:01)
• On relationships and evolving definitions of community:
  "My definition of community is no longer the amount of people I have around me—it’s who I have around me." — Anna (16:32)
• On solo dining as self-care:
  "Once you get over the slight awkwardness of eating alone, like maybe the first ten minutes in, you realize nobody gives a sh*t about you. Seriously." — Anna (07:54)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:58–04:45 — Anna shares her move to Connecticut, reflections on making friends as an adult, and the pleasure of obligation-free weekends.
• 06:08–08:43 — Anna discusses the joys and realities of dining solo—including awkwardness, habits, and fantasies.
• 10:08–15:22 — Detailed recounting of the recent solo sushi meal, accidental social interactions, and humorous mishaps.
• 16:13–18:44 — Anna reflects on loneliness versus community after a “social” night out, and how her definition of community has changed.
• 19:32–21:28 — Thoughts on friendship fade, letting go, adulthood’s changing social needs.
• 21:28–22:21 — Anna’s closing advice: focus on real community, not numbers; be grateful for your innermost, true relationships.

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Tone & Language

Anna’s style remains unfiltered, funny, and deeply honest—peppered with self-deprecating asides and relatable admissions. She moves deftly from humorous observations about seating at sushi bars to heartfelt reflections on the pain (and relief) of outgrowing old friendships.

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For Listeners Who Haven’t Heard It

This episode is a refreshingly honest look at how community, friendship, and the solo experience shift as we grow older. Anna’s real-life stories and “too honest” insights will resonate with anyone who’s ever felt “too much or not enough.” If you’ve wondered why surface-level socializing often feels hollow, or pondered how to enjoy your own company, this episode offers comfort and validation—no toxic positivity, just the brutally honest truth.

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Summary by Podcast Summarizer AI

Transcript

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[Anna]

York drink responsibly hi bitties welcome back to this week's episode of brutally anna we are going to talk about the art of dining alone and redefining community but before we do that i just want to say happy october it's not.

[Dave's Partner]

Actually october yet as of recording this i'm recording this on tuesday september thirtieth.

[Anna]

But it will be october by the time you hear this and by then i hope it will be a little bit cooler because it is currently eighty degrees today and in connecticut where i live and speaking of where i live we moved to connecticut five years ago.

[Dave's Partner]

In the middle of the pandemic and.

[Anna]

Dave and i moved out here for his job and his job alone really he had lived in new york city.

[Dave's Partner]

For thirteen years before that i had lived in the city for eleven years.

[Anna]

And honestly we might still be there if it wasn't for the fact that.

[Dave's Partner]

The pandemic just upended all of our.

[Anna]

Lives dave had been doing the reverse.

[Dave's Partner]

Commute between the city and connecticut for ten years before we moved up so.

[Anna]

We live near grand central for those.

[Dave's Partner]

Of you who are not familiar with the mechanics and the geography of new.

[Anna]

York city basically instead of what everyone.

[Dave's Partner]

Else does which is commute from the suburbs to the city he spent his twenties and early thirties commuting from the.

[Anna]

City to the suburbs because his office.

[Dave's Partner]

Is in the suburbs of connecticut and he was like well i'm young wild.

[Anna]

And free and i want to live in manhattan and that's exactly what he did so for a decade he had an hour and twenty minute commute one.

[Dave's Partner]

Way which is actually insane to me.

[Anna]

But he was always like well it.

[Dave's Partner]

Wasn'T that bad the train was relaxing.

[Anna]

I could read or listen to music or just sleep and i was like.

[Dave's Partner]

Oh that is so lovely but in retrospect oh my god i can't believe he did that he has earned his right to his twenty minute commute now i'm so happy that we live where we live because he literally drives local roads down to his office it's twenty maybe twenty five minutes in the morning with traffic and at night coming home it's like fifteen minutes it's glorious anyways.

[Anna]

So we moved out to connecticut for.

[Dave's Partner]

His job and i don't think i'd ever be here if it wasn't for.

[Anna]

That and i think the expectation after.

[Dave's Partner]

Five years is that we must have this big group of friends around us.

[Anna]

We must be totally entrenched in the community and here's the thing okay so we've moved three times in the last five years so we haven't been in.

[Dave's Partner]

The same town for longer than like.

[Anna]

Two years even at a time so that doesn't really bode well for creating strong neighborhood relationships on top of that we're just not out and about that much and i'm sure that will change when we have a kid but other.

[Dave's Partner]

Than sawyer which has actually led us.

[Anna]

To meet many people in the area.

[Dave's Partner]

We'Re just not very socially inclined we're.

[Anna]

Not members of any social groups we didn't join the country club when we moved to this town and so i don't even really know like how you.

[Dave's Partner]

Make friends as an adult in the.

[Anna]

Suburbs it's like when we go out.

[Dave's Partner]

To dinner at night like everybody else.

[Anna]

Is just couples going out to dinner.

[Dave's Partner]

With their friends and no one's like.

[Anna]

Looking to make new friends and i think all of this sounds depressing but in practice it's actually really freeing because there's something just so relaxing about getting to the weekend and having absolutely no social obligations and again that will change once we have children but right now we really enjoy just getting to a.

[Dave's Partner]

Friday and a saturday night and just.

[Anna]

Being able to go to dinner when.

[Dave's Partner]

We want to go to dinner come home when we want to come home our only restraint is we have to give sawyer her seizure medication at ten pm but guys this is the suburbs like we're back by nine thirty at the latest and that's including getting ice cream after dinner okay so i am.

[Anna]

A huge fan of the five pm.

[Dave's Partner]

Dinner at this crotchety stage of my.

[Anna]

Life because the way i see it dinner is awesome but dinner is is.

[Dave's Partner]

The pregame to the rest of the.

[Anna]

Night like i want to have an.

[Dave's Partner]

Amazing dinner just like in college how i wanted to have an amazing pregame.

[Anna]

And you know how sometimes like the.

[Dave's Partner]

Pregame'S almost more fun than the party.

[Anna]

Because it's the anticipation of the rest of the party and how fun it's going to be well that's how i look at dinner on a friday and a saturday night like i want it to be the beginning i don't want it to be the end and what is the actual party then if dinner is the pregame well the after party.

[Dave's Partner]

Is usually coming home and watching dateline with dave on the couch and hanging.

[Anna]

Out with the dog truly like when i think about a weekend and what's.

[Dave's Partner]

Relaxing to me i don't think about.

[Anna]

Jet setting off to wherever a flight.

[Dave's Partner]

Will take us or you know a long car ride to go hiking in the mountains i literally think about rotting.

[Anna]

On my couch and that's exactly what we do and i was in the.

[Dave's Partner]

City two weeks ago and dave was in seattle so he was gone for the night and my event for work wrapped up around six thirty or seven.

[Anna]

So i decided to go get dinner by myself which was something that i love to do towards the end of my twenties before i met dave i just really got used to eating alone mostly because i just figured well why do i have to wait for a.

[Dave's Partner]

Date to go out to a nice restaurant like i can afford to take.

[Anna]

Myself out somewhere nice just because i.

[Dave's Partner]

Don'T have somebody to spend split a meal with on a friday night doesn't mean i shouldn't also enjoy an eight.

[Anna]

Course omakase and honestly you enjoy food.

[Dave's Partner]

More when you're alone than when you're on a date in a new relationship now i eat the same when i'm with dave and when i'm alone i mean guys we've been together for seven.

[Anna]

Years but in the beginning you know when you're just dating and you're almost like not hungry it's not even that you're trying to be cute sometimes you're literally just like nervous or you're excited or you're so focused on the person in front of and trying to get to know them and it's also great like it doesn't have to be a bad thing it doesn't have to be a bad date but your focus is not on the food so you could be at a michelin starred restaurant and.

[Dave's Partner]

Not want to eat that much or.

[Anna]

Come out of those dates at least.

[Dave's Partner]

For me i came out of so.

[Anna]

Many of those dates with men i dated being like what the hell did i eat i don't even remember like i think it was good but again your energy is somewhere else so short of a long term relationship where you.

[Dave's Partner]

Can actually you know focus the energy.

[Anna]

Back on the food going out to eat alone is the best way to actually enjoy fine dining in my opinion and once you get over the like.

[Dave's Partner]

Slight awkwardness of eating alone like maybe.

[Anna]

The first ten minutes in you realize.

[Dave's Partner]

Like nobody gives a about you seriously.

[Anna]

Especially if you live in a big city like no one's looking at you being like who's that loser everyone's way too consumed with themselves and i think if you learn how to eat alone and just start doing it like there's.

[Dave's Partner]

No way to ease into it you literally just go to a restaurant that you want to go to alone and you ask for a table for one or you ask to be seated at.

[Anna]

The bar personally for any restaurant that's not sushi i actually like to sit at a table alone i just think there's more space like i don't really love the bar scene i think it's like almost too social for me like when i'm going out to eat alone like i'm actually trying to go fully hermit i'm not trying to meet people like i just want to eat the food and i guess in the back.

[Dave's Partner]

Of my mind in my twenties i was always like living my best sex in the city fantasy being like oh.

[Anna]

You know maybe if i sit alone.

[Dave's Partner]

At a table for two like the guy sitting next to me will also.

[Anna]

Be alone and we'll end up talking.

[Dave's Partner]

And striking up a conversation and ultimately he'll end up being my husband because we realize we're both single and we're.

[Anna]

Meant for each other long story short that didn't happen in case you missed it i met dave on bumble end.

[Dave's Partner]

Of story our first date was off.

[Anna]

Of a dating app so no meet cute there but i hold out the.

[Dave's Partner]

Flame of possibility for you guys if you learn how to dine alone maybe.

[Anna]

You'Ll meet a guy because guess what i actually did meet a guy sitting.

[Dave's Partner]

Alone at dinner when i went out to eat by myself the other night.

[Anna]

Now don't worry i do not cheat.

[Dave's Partner]

On my husband but i think the irony of all of this is i spent my twenties fantasizing of how romantic it would be if i was in like my own nora ephron movie and you know meeting somebody in a restaurant when i was going out to eat alone but also simultaneously kind of not wanting anybody to talk to me because i really just wanted to be into.

[Anna]

The food you know what i remain.

[Dave's Partner]

Open to all possibilities and either way i was going to enjoy it right but the former never happened to me i never met a guy going out.

[Anna]

To eat alone however so the other.

[Dave's Partner]

Night dave's in seattle for work i'm.

[Anna]

In the city i'm like i'm going.

[Dave's Partner]

To go out to dinner alone so i went to the sushi counter i.

[Anna]

Sat down and when i sat down i was like the only person at.

[Dave's Partner]

The sushi counter there were like four.

[Anna]

Seats to the right of me like.

[Dave's Partner]

Three seats to the right of me or to the left of me and.

[Anna]

It was great i was like oh my god i have so much space like the sushi counter is sort of.

[Dave's Partner]

An anti social experience for a bar.

[Anna]

Experience too so if you're looking to.

[Dave's Partner]

Eat alone but at a bar not at a table a sushi counter is great because like no one expects you to talk to them at a sushi counter like there's no bartender like making conversation with you it's just the sushi chefs doing their thing behind the glass.

[Anna]

So i sit down and i'm like.

[Dave's Partner]

Cool this will be great i know how this goes and then all of a sudden the server brings this couple over and they sit her and this guy right next to me and like.

[Anna]

Literally so close to me that i'm basically in their date because way this bar was set up they were all individual seats but they were like clustered in twos so it was like two.

[Dave's Partner]

Seats closer together then a space then two seats closer together then a a space and two seats closer together so.

[Anna]

That the intention was like oh if.

[Dave's Partner]

You came with another person as most.

[Anna]

People do for dinner you could sit.

[Dave's Partner]

With your person with like a sliver.

[Anna]

Of privacy maybe so they sat this.

[Dave's Partner]

Couple right next to me but that sliver of privacy was truly just not enough for me and so i waited for like a non awkward moment to slide over to make sure there was like a seat in between me and this couple and the reason why it.

[Anna]

Was also kind of awkward was because i could tell they were on a very early date i didn't didn't know which date it was like it clearly.

[Dave's Partner]

Wasn'T the first date but i was.

[Anna]

Like i just don't need to be a part of this like i don't.

[Dave's Partner]

Need to be eavesdropping on their whole conversation because where i was sat i was basically like forced to listen to their entire conversation so i moved over seat and i was like cool i'm.

[Anna]

Good and then another couple comes to.

[Dave's Partner]

The left and they see that couple.

[Anna]

To the left of me but that was slightly better because this couple had.

[Dave's Partner]

Clearly been married or together for a very long time and barely talk to.

[Anna]

Each other i don't even know if they liked each other honestly but it made me feel less awkward than sitting.

[Dave's Partner]

In on somebody's very very early date.

[Anna]

So now there's one seat next to me like solidly next to me and and i'm like okay cool they're not.

[Dave's Partner]

Going to see anybody next to me.

[Anna]

Right of course they did because it's.

[Dave's Partner]

A thursday night and i'm in soho.

[Anna]

And it's hopping and they seed a.

[Dave's Partner]

Single man next to me and i.

[Anna]

Was like are you fudgeing kidding me like this is insane it couldn't have been a woman like it had to be a man but then i caught.

[Dave's Partner]

A peep of his left ring finger.

[Anna]

And and saw the ring and i.

[Dave's Partner]

Breathed a massive sigh of relief and.

[Anna]

I was like oh great he's married.

[Dave's Partner]

He is probably out for work or here for work or his wife's out i am here because my husband's out.

[Anna]

Of town all good this will be a very benign night and it actually was and what also made it better was maybe i'm reading too much into it but i could also tell that maybe he felt a little bit uncomfortable.

[Dave's Partner]

Being seated next to a random woman at dinner when he was clearly just trying to go out out and get a bite to eat by himself after work on a random weekday while he's.

[Anna]

Traveling for work and that made me feel a little bit better because it was like this shared awkwardness also the fact that the servers did not tell.

[Dave's Partner]

The bus boys who brought out our individual meals that we were not together.

[Anna]

So they kept putting like my order.

[Dave's Partner]

In between the two of us assuming that like we were there together and sharing the sushi so i kept every.

[Anna]

Time they brought out like my entree or my appetizer i would have to.

[Dave's Partner]

Like shift the plate back towards me and he would have to do the.

[Anna]

Same for his and then i don't know how this couple who was on.

[Dave's Partner]

A very early date started talking to.

[Anna]

Us but i think the woman asked.

[Dave's Partner]

Brad i hope his name is brad.

[Anna]

I don't know why i have that in my head i think his name was brad the the woman on the.

[Dave's Partner]

Very early date asked brad if he.

[Anna]

Was french and he said no and then we all started talking and she was like how long have you guys been together and we were like we're not together and she's like oh because.

[Dave's Partner]

You'Re both wearing rings i was like yeah that's just a massive misunderstanding and.

[Anna]

Coincidence so then we start talking to her and the guy she's with and.

[Dave's Partner]

It turns out they're on their second date and it's going really well and we all have a laugh and we're talking about how boston is kind of a second tier city to new york.

[Anna]

Sorry guys if you live in boston.

[Dave's Partner]

And you love it it's just not my favorite city my husband's from boston.

[Anna]

It'S such a cute city but like.

[Dave's Partner]

In comparison to new york i'm like.

[Anna]

No dice so anyways the night goes on i probably spend in total an.

[Dave's Partner]

Hour an hour and fifteen minutes there at the bar eating dinner talking to all these strangers and it was just like a really good time and then brad left and i left and i went home and you know nobody exchanged numbers or anything like that nobody vowed to stay in touch and it was.

[Anna]

Just a very new york inter interaction and it was a funny story because.

[Dave's Partner]

I called dave on the way home.

[Anna]

And i was like oh my gosh.

[Dave's Partner]

Like i met this totally random dude who sat next to me and it was awkward because everybody kept thinking we were together which i guess is logical and then we met this couple who was on a very early date and.

[Anna]

At the end of it this is the moral of the story of my very long winded explanation of a random.

[Dave's Partner]

Night out in new york city but.

[Anna]

I was driving home from the city.

[Dave's Partner]

It was late and and after i hung up with dave because he had to go to bed and wake up really early in the morning i was.

[Anna]

Like i just had a very very social night like way more social than.

[Dave's Partner]

I ever thought it was going to.

[Anna]

Be like i thought it was going.

[Dave's Partner]

Out to dinner alone and just eating.

[Anna]

Some good sushi and i ended up talking to three really pleasant people like they were great couldn't have asked for.

[Dave's Partner]

More entertaining people to be sat next.

[Anna]

To at the sushi counter but i remember feeling this feeling that i hadn't felt in a really long time and it was this feeling of i very alone even though i was more surrounded.

[Dave's Partner]

By people than i ever thought i would be over the last two hours.

[Anna]

And i think that's when i realized like my definition of community is no longer the amount of people i have around me it's who i have around me and that who has become a.

[Dave's Partner]

Very very small circle of people it's really my husband my parents my dog at its core and then a few.

[Anna]

Scattered friends in connecticut that i've made none of whom really know each other over the last five years my girlfriends.

[Dave's Partner]

From back home some of whom still live back home some of whom live.

[Anna]

In the city and we don't see.

[Dave's Partner]

Each other that much but we do keep the group chat very alive and.

[Anna]

Well which i'm very grateful for and a few friends from my twenties and that's basically it that weird feeling of.

[Dave's Partner]

Being incredibly social but feeling so lonely after was something that i only experienced while living in new york because i.

[Anna]

Had so many friends and i was so good at making connections with random people and at the end of the.

[Dave's Partner]

Night i would go home and i.

[Anna]

Would feel so alone because a lot of those friends that i used to.

[Dave's Partner]

Party with i don't talk to anymore.

[Anna]

And it's not that they were bad people it's just we never had more.

[Dave's Partner]

Than a surf surface level connection and.

[Anna]

I think that's definitely what has kept dave and i from wanting to have.

[Dave's Partner]

A bigger circle of friends in connecticut from wanting to join the country club i mean for various reasons we're not.

[Anna]

Exactly country club people but that is.

[Dave's Partner]

A good way to meet people if you join the social or the country.

[Anna]

Club in your area and we just haven't done that because i don't actually think it's possible to have really close relationships with thirty couples it's just not like i have a hard time keeping.

[Dave's Partner]

Up with the five friends that i do see on a regular basis and beyond that maybe the eight friends i see once a quarter or once a.

[Anna]

Year and i don't get enough time to see those people and so i think as you get older you just realize that you need so much less and that's actually a lot more freeing than when you're in your twenties and.

[Dave's Partner]

Your whole identity is based on having.

[Anna]

This big group of friends and people you can post pictures with when you're out and show everyone else that you're with this big group of friends like these days if someone were to take a photo of most of my friday nights it would look pretty sad it's.

[Dave's Partner]

Just me dave and sawyer on the.

[Anna]

Couch watching a story of how somebody.

[Dave's Partner]

Inevitably murdered their wife or their husband by poisoning them and that's it and.

[Anna]

It'S not much to show for but it's what makes me feel community and.

[Dave's Partner]

It'S what makes me feel home and.

[Anna]

I think that's what i would hope for all of you i think it's.

[Dave's Partner]

So crushing when we obviously go through.

[Anna]

Normal breakups with romantic partners but it's even harder to reconcile with like the.

[Dave's Partner]

Slow ebb of a friendship and how a lot of times from our twenties into our thirties a lot of friendships.

[Anna]

Just fade they don't necessarily break up there's no defining breakup point but they just fade and ultimately you realize that the ones that faded were probably not.

[Dave's Partner]

Meant to be in your life forever.

[Anna]

They were only meant to be part of your community for a really short amount of time and at this stage like i've realized the people i've kept in my life my friends and the.

[Dave's Partner]

Ones who've kept me in their lives you know i'm their friend too and it's a very two way mutually beneficial.

[Anna]

Street are the ones that are not.

[Dave's Partner]

Just catch up friends they're the friends that want to break it down with.

[Anna]

You and i mentioned this in a.

[Dave's Partner]

Video a few months ago but like.

[Anna]

These are the only friends that i.

[Dave's Partner]

Really feel connected to at this point.

[Anna]

In my life like of course there.

[Dave's Partner]

Are people that i see where all we basically do is regurgitate the last six months to a year of what.

[Anna]

Happened to us but i don't end.

[Dave's Partner]

Up leaving those conversations and those dinners feeling like my cup it runneth over.

[Anna]

So to speak it always feels like.

[Dave's Partner]

A little bit more of a chore.

[Anna]

Maybe that's a little bit harsh it always just feels like with friends who you just simply catch up and you.

[Dave's Partner]

Don'T dissect the happenings of your life.

[Anna]

Where it just feels like a little bit transactional like we were friends at one point maybe and maybe at one.

[Dave's Partner]

Point we were break it down friends but we're no longer that and we're trying to hold on to what we.

[Anna]

Had in the past even though we're.

[Dave's Partner]

Really not a part of each other's.

[Anna]

Lives anymore and i think it's time.

[Dave's Partner]

For all of us at whatever stage.

[Anna]

Of life you're in i'm in to let go of those friendships not because.

[Dave's Partner]

Those people are bad or because i'm bad or because we're bad friends to.

[Anna]

Each other it's just because life takes you in different directions and it doesn't.

[Dave's Partner]

Negate how strong the friendship was at.

[Anna]

Some point it just means it's time to move on and so as we come upon this cuffing cold holiday season where this idea of gathering is all around us i really urge you to really think about who your actual community is like who can you actually not live without in your life and focus on those relationships instead of focusing on.

[Dave's Partner]

Maybe somebody's opinion in the periphery that.

[Anna]

Doesn'T really matter because we allow those.

[Dave's Partner]

Periphery people to affect us way more than we should and at the end.

[Anna]

Of the day if you even have five people people you can count on.

[Dave's Partner]

One hand that you can say these are my ride or die humans it can be family friends a spouse a significant other your dog or your cat.

[Anna]

I don't care if you have five living sentient beings that you can go.

[Dave's Partner]

To in your life that you know are there for you you're a lucky.

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