Brutally Anna: Episode Summary Title: Why You’re Attracting All the Wrong Men and Getting Over Your Daddy Issues with Violet Benson
Release Date: October 27, 2024

Introduction

In this insightful episode of Brutally Anna, host Anna Kai engages in a candid conversation with Violet Benson, a renowned creator and host of the podcast Almost Adulting. With over 6 million followers across social platforms, Violet brings a blend of humor, wisdom, and personal experiences to the discussion on navigating relationships, overcoming childhood wounds, and fostering self-love.

Exploring Daddy Issues and Family Dynamics

The episode delves into the concept of "daddy issues," exploring how upbringing and familial relationships shape one's approach to love and connections.

Anna Kai shares her personal experience growing up with a distant father figure:

"I definitely grew up with daddy issues… In Asian culture, 100%. The same thing is in Eastern European cultures where the parents are a little cold with you." (02:30)

Violet Benson probes deeper into Anna's childhood:

“So your dad would never just come and, like, talk to you?” (02:00)

Anna elaborates on the limited emotional interactions with her father, highlighting cultural influences and personal assumptions about love and acceptance.

Healing and Reconciliation with Parents

Anna discusses her journey toward healing generational trauma and rebuilding her relationship with her father. She emphasizes the importance of empathy and understanding the parent’s childhood to break the cycle of emotional distance.

“I can change that. I can break the generational trauma. It was me being able to remove the generational trauma.” (07:58)

Anna recounts her method of visualizing her father as a child, which helped her empathize and foster a more loving relationship:

“When you look at your parent and you imagine them as a child, you don't really, I think any anger that you have towards them gets taken away.” (07:58)

Understanding Love Languages and Their Impact

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around love languages—the ways individuals express and receive love. Both Anna and Violet share their personal love languages and discuss the challenges of mismatched love languages in relationships.

Anna Kai explains her shift in love languages:

“My love language used to be gifts and words of affirmation. And now my love language is touch and words of affirmation.” (10:58)

Violet Benson shares a conflict with her sister due to mismatched love languages:

“My love language was words of affirmation and gifts… My sister’s love language was touch and quality time.” (21:40)

They highlight the necessity of communicating and understanding each other's love languages to strengthen relationships.

Dating Patterns and Overcoming Childhood Wounds

The discussion transitions to how unresolved childhood issues influence adult romantic relationships. Anna emphasizes the repetition of attracting similar types of partners due to unhealed wounds.

“Your brain is like, ding, ding, ding, ding. Okay, perfect. Let’s recreate the scenario that happened as a child.” (35:39)

Violet Benson reflects on seeking validation in relationships:

“I was looking to validate my shit from childhood with the men I did.” (35:39)

Anna and Violet agree that self-healing is crucial to breaking negative dating patterns.

Choosing to Be Alone and Embracing Self-Love

Both guests advocate for the importance of being comfortable alone as a foundation for healthy relationships. They argue that reliance on relationships for validation leads to attracting unsuitable partners.

Violet Benson states:

“Learn to get comfortable being alone… bad company is better than no company.” (45:54)

Anna Kai adds:

“The most valuable thing you have to offer is your time. So make sure you’re very scarce with your time and who you give it to.” (76:55)

Feminism and Selecting the Right Partner

The conversation culminates in a discussion about feminism and the agency to choose partners who align with one's values and needs. Anna clarifies that feminism empowers women to make informed choices about their relationships.

“Feminism means you get to choose… Yes, I want a man that makes as much as me or more.” (76:20)

Violet Benson echoes the sentiment, emphasizing the importance of financial stability and mutual respect in relationships.

Concluding Insights

The episode wraps up with Anna and Violet sharing final thoughts on self-improvement, setting boundaries, and the continuous journey of healing. They encourage listeners to prioritize self-love, clear communication, and intentional relationship-building.

Anna Kai concludes:

“Trust me… make sure you’re very scarce with your time and who you give it to that is more valuable than anything else you have.” (76:55)

Violet Benson adds:

“Feminism means having a choice… exercising your right to choose which men in LA get to be in your life.” (76:20)

Notable Quotes

• Anna Kai: “If you have different love languages, doesn’t work out. The reason love languages were invented was to simplify our human behaviors.” (20:13)
• Violet Benson: “Learn to get comfortable being alone.” (45:54)
• Anna Kai: “When you ask people how to love you and you’re telling them, then you are accidentally subconsciously setting them up for failure.” (18:58)
• Violet Benson: “It’s cozy season, and I’m gifting Cozy Earth this Christmas.” (Note: This was part of an advertisement and is excluded from the summary.)

Conclusion

This episode of Brutally Anna offers a profound exploration of how childhood experiences shape adult relationships and the importance of self-awareness in overcoming these patterns. Through personal anecdotes and expert insights, Anna Kai and Violet Benson provide listeners with practical advice on healing, effective communication, and fostering healthy, fulfilling relationships.

Note: Advertisements and non-content sections from the transcript have been intentionally omitted to focus on the core discussion.