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- [00:00]
Monday.com Voiceover
Dear old work platform. It's not you, it's us. Actually, it is you. Endless onboarding, constant IT bottlenecks. We've had enough. We need a platform that just gets us. And to be honest, we've met someone new. They're called Monday.com and it was love at first. Onboarding. Their beautiful dashboards, their customizable workflows got us floating on a digital cloud nine. So no hard feelings, but we're moving on. Monday dot com, the first work platform you'll love to use.
- [00:30]
Anna Kai
Welcome to Brutally Anna, a podcast about finding love, losing love, and all the things we think about but don't talk about enough. I'm your host, Anna Kai, AKA maybe both across social media, here to remind you that life can be beautiful even when it's freaking brutal. My guest today is the human embodiment of a group chat gone off the rails in the best way possible.
- [00:53]
Brandon Edelman
Human.
- [00:53]
Anna Kai
He's hilarious, unfiltered, and just the right amount of chaotic. If you've even spent five minutes on TikTok, you've probably come across his face documenting his late night escapades, saving Philly small businesses, or destigmatizing mental health. Brandon Edelman, AKA Brand Flakes isn't just another influencer. He's built a brand on being 100% himself with his signature blend of unfiltered humor, gay chaos, and brutally honest takes on everything you never asked for but need to know. But here's the thing. Being effortlessly funny online is one thing, and turning your entire life into content is a whole different beast. So today we're unpacking all of it. We're getting into the real stuff. The pressure, the burnout, the things he doesn't post, and of course, all the brutally honest moments in between. Thank you so much for being here today. We started recording this, I feel like before we actually started recording. So we need to dive straight into it.
- [01:50]
Brandon Edelman
Oh, my goodness. All right, that intro, can I have that, like, clicked? And that's going to be like. Can I make that my hatch alarm clock wake up?
- [01:59]
Anna Kai
Yes. It'll just like hype you up. Oh, you know what I've been doing that's better than hatch?
- [02:03]
Brandon Edelman
Oh, tell me.
- [02:04]
Anna Kai
I've been sleeping like a serial killer with the shades open so that I wake up with the light. And it actually has been helping a ton.
- [02:12]
Brandon Edelman
Okay, so.
- [02:13]
Anna Kai
So do you actually wake up with one of those alarm clock thingies?
- [02:15]
Brandon Edelman
No, I don't. I literally, I'm never even home.
- [02:18]
Anna Kai
Do you wake up?
- [02:19]
Brandon Edelman
I don't remember the Last time I've slept in my apartment transparently.
- [02:23]
Anna Kai
Oh, my God. That's. Yeah. Cause you were just in la. I was in LA the same time you were, but then you left LA and I was still in la, and then you were in Pittsburgh, and you've been all over the place.
- [02:31]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah.
- [02:32]
Anna Kai
So before we dive into your life now, I wanna know your life back then. Tell me your trauma. We talked about this.
- [02:38]
Brandon Edelman
Oh, my God.
- [02:38]
Anna Kai
Yes. You grew up in the suburbs of Philly.
- [02:40]
Brandon Edelman
I did.
- [02:41]
Anna Kai
You did not grow up with any sort of cash monies.
- [02:44]
Brandon Edelman
And so I don't want to, like, tell people that. Like, it's not like I was on the street. Like, that's not. Was. I had a roof over my head.
- [02:50]
Anna Kai
Right.
- [02:51]
Brandon Edelman
My parents, I would say we got poorer as I got older. As sometimes happens with parents who are business owners.
- [02:57]
Anna Kai
It does not get greater later.
- [02:59]
Brandon Edelman
In the early 2000s, my parents had more money. We were able to go to Disney World twice. And then in 2008, it was back to Wildwood. But, hey, that is still. That is still a privilege.
- [03:11]
Anna Kai
Oh, my God.
- [03:11]
Brandon Edelman
It's still a privilege. There are people who donate, even get to go on vacation. But, yes, we were not wealthy at all. Very. I hate the term lower middle class, but, like, truly, that's what it was. We were lower middle class. That's basically what it is. Yeah.
- [03:27]
Anna Kai
I love the shout out to Wildwood also. It's like growing up in Philly and not knowing a lot of people in Philly. It's like those references you won't get unless you're from Philly. It's like, we went to Sea Aisle. We didn't go to Stoneheart.
- [03:39]
Brandon Edelman
Oh, my God. You get it.
- [03:41]
Anna Kai
You know, this is so exciting.
- [03:42]
Brandon Edelman
I didn't know. Did not know you were from Philly.
- [03:44]
Anna Kai
Well, I know because it's like, I haven't lived there since I was 18, so that's the problem. I moved to New York City when I was 18, and I've lived in the city for 11 years, and now I'm in Connecticut and people are like, oh, you give off, like, old money. I'm like, oh, my God. I come from no money. I'm like, does family still lives in Philly?
- [04:02]
Brandon Edelman
Are you there at Thanksgiving?
- [04:03]
Anna Kai
I am there every other month, if I can be.
- [04:05]
Brandon Edelman
I'm like, next time we're meeting up in Philly.
- [04:07]
Anna Kai
Well, 100%.
- [04:08]
Brandon Edelman
And you're coming on my podcast?
- [04:09]
Anna Kai
Yes. Oh, my God. Can I be a girly?
- [04:12]
Brandon Edelman
You are a girly.
- [04:13]
Anna Kai
Am I too old to be a Girl.
- [04:14]
Brandon Edelman
No, no.
- [04:15]
Anna Kai
But actually, I remember watching one of Brandon' reels and he was talking about. I can't remember. It was one of those, like, after your late night escapades. Oh. You were like, I just love going out on a Friday night. And like, the get ready before going out, you were talking about hanging out with the girlies. And I was like, I love not going out at this stage. But that's the thing. It's like, you're 28, I'm 34. There. It's not a huge age gap, but the next few years, your bones start to get tired. Call me when that happens.
- [04:44]
Brandon Edelman
I know.
- [04:44]
Anna Kai
We'll stay in together.
- [04:45]
Brandon Edelman
It's already starting to happen. We were in New York last Friday, and we had this. This dinner and we all looked at each other and we were like, bed. And like, we were all. It was just like, who was gonna be the first one to say it?
- [04:58]
Anna Kai
Right?
- [04:58]
Brandon Edelman
And I've never seen us all agree. And I was the one who was like. I was the most tired, actually. But I was the one who was like, guys, like, let's just go to one bar. And the girls are like, brain, we really don't have to. Like, we can call it after dinner. And I was like, you're right. And I was the first one to fall asleep. But trauma. Back to your original question.
- [05:15]
Anna Kai
Okay. But back to your original. Okay. Yes. So you grew up lower middle class.
- [05:18]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah.
- [05:19]
Anna Kai
Were you acutely aware that you were not where you wanted to be growing up because your family had some money and then they didn't?
- [05:28]
Brandon Edelman
Okay.
- [05:28]
Anna Kai
Because I love how transparent you are with money.
- [05:31]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah. So early childhood was phenomenal. Had the most supportive parents. I was a little gay boy who didn't know he was gay, but all the signs were there. My grandma, I will never forget, pointed to me at her house and was like, I think this one's going to be gay. She said that to my mom. I had no idea what that meant. I loved Barbies. I love Bratz dolls. My parents did not give a single fuck. My dad would go to the register for me if I got anxious about checking out. Because sometimes the cash register people will be like, oh, is this for a birthday party? Is this for your sister? And I was like, dad, no, it's for me. And he would just be like, I'll just buy a free brand. Great parents, great elementary school experience. I was friends with girls. I had all the girlfriends. I had the girlies before the girlies were the girlies. Um, my best friend Lindsay's on The podcast has been my best friend since we were five years old. She's my childhood neighbor. We bonded over Bratz Dolls, literally. She's been an og. So great elementary school experience. And like I said, my parents were well off at that. Not well off, but we were comfortable. Like we weren't scraping pennies. My dad's business was doing really well. My mom was actually full time nanny at the time. I got to spend a lot of time with her because she nannied for the guidance counselor at my elementary school. So after school was over, the guidance counselor would drive me and her to her house. My mom would be there with her kids, my mom would pick me up and then it would just be. We had great times. Great times. I did deal with my first bout of anxiety in second grade. We'll get to that. But yeah, in terms of the, the trauma piece, I would say that started where a lot of people's traumas did, which is puberty in middle school. That is where everything kind of hit the fan at once. Where I was fat, chubby as hell, no longer had my little good genes. When I hit 11 years old, the gut came. I went to middle school where I no longer just had the sweet people of, you know, my elementary school. I now huge school from the whole school district and I met the boys that were not nice to me. I learned what gym class trauma was. It was no longer just playing dodgeball in elementary school gym. It was now you have to run the mile and do fitness tests.
- [07:27]
Anna Kai
Oh, you still had the physical presidential fitness test. That thing ruined my life.
- [07:32]
Brandon Edelman
Yep, ruined my life. I did a whole podcast episode, episode five of Between Us Girlies Villain Origin Stories, if you want to hear about that.
- [07:38]
Anna Kai
I still can't do a pull up, by the way.
- [07:40]
Brandon Edelman
Oh, me either.
- [07:40]
Anna Kai
Why is that a prerequisite for anything in life?
- [07:43]
Brandon Edelman
But yeah, and that's when I noticed that I was like, wait, I live in upper Dublin. This is the average in family income is $90,000. That's the average, which is double the average family income in Pennsylvania. So wealthier area of Pennsylvania. I'm Jewish and majority of my high school is Jewish, but they were the rich Jews. When people say, where did you overnight camp? I go. My parents couldn't afford day camp, let alone overnight camp. When my best friends were going to these camps and Poconos that were like eight grand a month, like no fucking shot was that happening for me. And then I was like, oh great, so I'm fat, I'm poor, and I think I might Be gay. There's my drama. And poor is not actually poor, like, just in comparison. I said this on Viv's podcast. Like, very dramatic analogy. My parents, the only reason we were able to afford to live in Upper Dublin is because my grandma lived there and gave. It's my mom's childhood home. And my grandma, when my grandpa died, she's like, yeah, I'm not gonna live in this big ass five bedroom home alone like Lori. You take it. And we moved from Northeast Philly, which is where I would have gone to Central High School, would have grown up in Philly, would have been a city kid. And my, my older siblings were. They did all elementary school in Philadelphia. I was just younger. So we moved to Upper Dublin when I was four. But yeah, I felt like Jenny and Dan Humphrey, who were these like Brooklyn kids that got to go to this nice school, but they weren't rich. But like at the. Instead of my peers shopping at Barney's and Bergdorf's, my peers were shopping at like Abercrombie and Lululemon. And I was like barely scraping by on TJ Maxx and American Eagle Sale.
- [09:19]
Anna Kai
That was, can I just say, so hardcore. So I'm a few years older than you, so Abercrombie. Yes. But also I feel personally victimized by not being able to afford limited 2. Was that a thing when you were a kid?
- [09:32]
Brandon Edelman
Yes, Limited two is major.
- [09:34]
Anna Kai
Limited two is so major. And I could never afford that. That was when. Because we were like poor poor when I was a kid. Like, we did not. My parents did not own their first. And it wasn't even a house. Like we were renters until I was about 12. And then they bought their first house, which was like an apartment, so it was like an attached structure. They didn't move into a single family home until I left college the year I graduated. College was when they first moved into their single family home. And so that was like an American dream come true. But yeah, no fucking way was my mom buying me Abercrombie with the mousse on it or Hollister. Like, I was shopping at the clearance rack at JCPenney.
- [10:12]
Brandon Edelman
Yes, me too.
- [10:13]
Anna Kai
Do you remember King of Prussian Wall?
- [10:14]
Brandon Edelman
Yes.
- [10:15]
Anna Kai
Oh my God, I love King of Prussian Wall.
- [10:17]
Brandon Edelman
Yes.
- [10:17]
Anna Kai
Rest in peace to the JCPenney. There still nothing is there, by the way. But I. I understand that. Is that they wanted to because we. I spent the first few years of my life in West Philly.
- [10:27]
Brandon Edelman
Okay.
- [10:28]
Anna Kai
Right near Penn's campus. And it was sketchy back then. I mean, I don't know if you remember your parents telling you stories about Philly. Philly in the 90s is not Philly right at all.
- [10:39]
Brandon Edelman
And that's why they. We were going to go to Central High School. And no shade to anyone listening who goes to Central High School. It's not that my parents were just like, yeah, you're not going to really do well there. My dad is from G, and my dad's business was on G and Tioga in Kensington. My dad grew up in Kensington, went to inner city school. His sister graduated from Girls High on Broad Street. Like, they. My dad is Philly. Like, Philly accent, Philly to his core. And he was like, yeah, like, I would prefer if you didn't go to Central High School. So we were very fortunate, but we were the same way. We grew up in a townhome that we rented, I believe. I don't know if we owned it, actually. And when my grandma was like, hey, you can have this beautiful home, like, for free. Like them, they're like, great. But otherwise, there's no way in hell we would have been able to get out of the city.
- [11:22]
Anna Kai
Yeah. And it's just like, I think there's something very interesting about. There's one thing growing up poor around other poor kids.
- [11:28]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah.
- [11:28]
Anna Kai
And there's another thing growing up poor around rich kids. Because we went for the first. Until I was 10, we lived in an apartment complex in Devon, which, if you guys are not familiar with the Philly suburbs, Devon is bougie bougie. But there is a massive apartment complex in the middle of Devon.
- [11:47]
Brandon Edelman
Yep.
- [11:47]
Anna Kai
It's rebranded a bajillion times. I don't even know what it's called at this time, but at the time, it was called Sugartown Mews. Then it rebranded to Home Properties of Devon. And it basically. If you drive past the complex now, it looks like a prison. It still does. Like, there's nothing fancy about it, but a lot of immigrant families move there because you can rent there and you can get your kids into the Conestoga School District, which is a very, very good school district. Yeah. So. But I remember before I went to kindergarten, I thought I was normal because I hung out with all the other immigrant k. That complex, like, it was like the UN really. I had all sorts of friends, all different colors. Like, I never knew I was different. And then I went to elementary school, and some of these kids left. They went to other schools. They moved because it's a very transient community. And then I was like, oh, I don't have as Much like, I never had an American Girl doll. Yeah, we. You know, and it was all these things that I feel like, you know, when people are like, oh, do you have, like, daddy issues? Or, like, where did your dating trauma come from? Where did this sense of inadequacy come from? I'm like, it's from my childhood, not from my par. My parents are amazing. They tried to instill the best in me, just like yours.
- [12:56]
Brandon Edelman
Yep.
- [12:57]
Anna Kai
But kids are mean.
- [12:59]
Brandon Edelman
Kids are really mean.
- [13:00]
Anna Kai
Were they mean to you? And, like, how were they mean to you in middle school in the way that you remember?
- [13:06]
Brandon Edelman
Most of my bullying was always about, like, my weight and my sexuality. Like, no one, like, quote unquote, knew I wasn't rich. Like, it was never really that. That was more insecurity. It was like, I'm already insecure because I'm being bullied in myself. And now I'm feeling anxious because, like, these kids are dressing better than me. And, you know, maybe I'm being bullied because I don't look like that or because I'm not going to Maple Gun pizza on Friday and I'm not, like, just the craziest bullshit. And it's like, I'm not playing sports. And, you know, that was, like, really kind of. What? Like, I had my Jenny Humphrey moment where I was like, dad, I want to go to fashion, where I was. I was mean to my parents at times because I was like, mom, like, what do you mean? Like, I'm going to have to wear aeropostale clearance on the first day of school. Like, you know, everyone else is wearing Ralph Lauren. Like, just like, you know, you think you treated your parents like. At least I do sometimes. Like, I think that's a white people thing, too. Like, white kids get away with whatever they want to say. They're my. My best friend is like, if I ever talk to my black mother the way that you talk to your white mother, spanking, I would not be alive. Yeah, exactly. But, like, yeah, no, that was really. The whole money thing was more in my head, for sure.
- [14:13]
Anna Kai
Okay. So did you find your people in middle school and high school?
- [14:17]
Brandon Edelman
I did okay. I always had a good group of girls behind me. Did they change here and there? Like, Yes. I mean, there is always, like, drama. But, like, said Lindsay, I've had since day one, I had some really great friends who helped me get through it. Were they the friend group that I wanted? No. Have you ever watched the show Girls?
- [14:34]
Anna Kai
I haven't, but, yes, I know it.
- [14:36]
Brandon Edelman
Great show. You should watch. There's One episode where Shoshana says to them, sometimes I think my social anxiety is preventing me from being friends with the people that I'm actually meant to be friends with. That is how I would describe, like, my middle school, high school, where I had friends that, like, I kind of felt like I was forced to be friends with. But, like, they still did their job. They were great. They. They helped support me. When I got to college, is when I met my people.
- [14:58]
Anna Kai
Okay.
- [14:58]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah.
- [14:59]
Anna Kai
And so what was that like when you got to college? Like, first day of school where you're like, I'm here. I've arrived.
- [15:04]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah. So it's so funny. I'll always remember this. The day before I went to university, I was sitting. I think I've, like, felt, like, anxiety for the first time with, like, actually knowing, oh, this is anxiety. I was sitting on my couch and I was like, I don't want to go tomorrow. Like, I was just a loser in high school. In my eyes, I was a loser. I wasn't, but I was a loser. In my eyes, I was like, I don't want to go to college now and, like, have to relive all of this. And I remember getting there and I was like, should I just tell everybody I'm gay? Like, from. And I had already come out to my friends and my.
- [15:31]
Anna Kai
Because you don't come off gay.
- [15:33]
Brandon Edelman
No, but I was like, I know. Going to fashion school, like, I think everyone's going to know. But I was just like, you know, I never, like, introduced myself as gay. Everyone in my life at that point, I had had to come out to. I never shook someone's hand. And from Jump, they knew me as someone who was gay, which now you don't even think about that stuff, which is so great. We're in such a progressive society. But back then I was like, oh, this is something I have to disclose. Which, you know, it's so funny, but, like, I didn't think like that back then. And I remember which, to be fair.
- [15:59]
Anna Kai
That was of the times too. You still have to come out back then.
- [16:01]
Brandon Edelman
We're moving into college. It's that typical thing. You're outside your dorm room. Everyone has their parents. There's things on the field. You're bringing them into the dorms. This beautiful blonde girl who's like 5 foot 9 comes up to me. We're done moving in. She's like, oh, my God, do you wanna see my room? I'm like, absolutely. And I see a rainbow flag in her room. And I'm like, I wonder if she's just like, a really big ally. Cause I'm in this mode stereotypical still. Like, gay guys look this way, lesbians look this way. And she was like, yeah, me and my girlfriend, I was like, you're gay? And she was like, ye. And I was like, oh, my God, me too. And that really started off where I was like, oh, I'm good. Like, I'm. I'm chilling. Brandon is here. And then it was so funny. Every. My username on Instagram and Twitter was Brand Flakes. Because it was in col. No, in high school, we all made Twitter names that were a play on words of our name. And originally it was it's Brandic. And then when I was applying to colleges, I didn't want anyone to see that, so I was like, what else has bran in it? And I'm like, bran flakes. Like, the cereal, whatever. And people on campus would start coming out to me like, bran flakes. And I'd be like, yeah, like, you can call me that. Like, I guess. Like, no one ever. Like, my parents would be like, who the is Brand Flakes?
- [17:08]
Anna Kai
Like, hilarious.
- [17:09]
Brandon Edelman
And that's how bran flakes came about.
- [17:10]
Anna Kai
But that's what most people know you as. I actually had to hunt. I was like, what the is this kid's real name?
- [17:14]
Brandon Edelman
I kind of like that. It's hard to find.
- [17:16]
Anna Kai
Yeah. And I was like, oh, it's Brandon Edelman.
- [17:18]
Brandon Edelman
Brandon Edelman. Very Jewish. But no, Brand Flakes is.
- [17:21]
Anna Kai
We love a nice, gay Jewish boy, though.
- [17:23]
Brandon Edelman
Exactly.
- [17:23]
Anna Kai
We love a nice, straight Jewish boy. You know?
- [17:25]
Brandon Edelman
We do. We love Jewish boys.
- [17:27]
Anna Kai
We love the Jews. I went to nyu. It was Jews and Asian boys for me.
- [17:31]
Brandon Edelman
Right.
- [17:34]
Anna Kai
Yes. So, speaking of. So you get to Philly University, and you're like, great, I found my people. Did you start dating at that point?
- [17:41]
Brandon Edelman
No. I wanted to, but, like, I lost my virginity when I was 19. Sophomore, transparently. Was so sick of being a virgin, I just fucked a guy from Grindr. That was it. Did. Got crabs. Learned all that. The heart. Yep. Traumatic. The trauma. Trauma. Trauma. Yep.
- [17:56]
Anna Kai
I'm dead. You got crabs the first time you had sex?
- [17:59]
Brandon Edelman
Yep. How. How insane is that? You get crabs on night one, day one, trial one.
- [18:03]
Anna Kai
Wait, is that. I don't understand pubic lice. Oh, okay. What, you didn't see it?
- [18:14]
Brandon Edelman
No, I did. So. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- [18:19]
Anna Kai
I was like.
- [18:19]
Brandon Edelman
I was not focused on that. No, no. I was in some random guy's house. Lights were off. All I remember being confused about was that he didn't sleep in the bed. He slept on the couch. And I was like, why did he just sleep on the couch? Like, I know I snore, but what? I don't know if there's crabs in the bed. I don't know what the fuck happened. Next thing I know, a few days later, I'm itching everywhere. I'm like picking off these things and I'm like, huh? Call my mom, tell her it's body lice. Because I'm like, oh, I can't tell her I have crabs. And then she's asked, she's like, okay, I'm coming to your apartment. We're fumigating. And crabs are actually really hard to transfer. Like you literally have to have sex with someone to trans. Or you like, if I had crabs, she used a bath towel. And then you like really scrubbed yourself, then you could get it. But otherwise they're really not that contagious. Unless you're fucking someone. So I had to tell my mom. Okay, mom. No, no, no. You're making this so much worse because she's about to come over with like a fumigator. Tell your roommates. And I'm like, no, crabs. She's like, what? Who gave you crabs? At that point, I didn't even have a driver's license. I didn't get that until after college. Another trauma. So my dad drives me to urgent care. Most awkward 8 minute car ride of my life. And pulls up, he goes, so do you want. Do you want to talk? I go, nope, thanks for the ride. Get in, get my permathin cream. Takes out the crabs. Well, no, it didn't. I was so hairy. They kept coming back. Eventually, if you ever have crabs, just narrow your whole body.
- [19:37]
Monday.com Voiceover
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- [20:07]
Anna Kai
I was gonna say, why would you shave everything?
- [20:09]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah, it wasn't.
- [20:11]
Anna Kai
No one was thinking.
- [20:12]
Brandon Edelman
No one was thinking.
- [20:13]
Anna Kai
Yeah.
- [20:13]
Brandon Edelman
Once the nair bottle of 12.99 from Rite Aid was purch the crabs cure. Don't even go to your doctor. Just get an air. Anyway, trauma number one.
- [20:23]
Anna Kai
Okay, so. So your first. This is why I've had. I've had a few people tell me, oh, I'm.
- [20:29]
Brandon Edelman
That they've had crabs.
- [20:30]
Anna Kai
No, actually you might be the first to tell me that you've. Is crabs. Like, wait, I'm so. I've actually, I've. I've had people tell me they've had STDs and whatever.
- [20:40]
Brandon Edelman
That's the only one I've had. I haven't even gotten chlamydia. Like, what?
- [20:42]
Anna Kai
Oh, that is interesting.
- [20:43]
Brandon Edelman
Knock on wood. Might have it.
- [20:45]
Anna Kai
Now you go to your next appointment. I was gonna say gyno appointment, but it' not a gyno for you. It's just a doctor.
- [20:51]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah, A doctor that touches the ecologist.
- [20:59]
Anna Kai
Okay, so this is why everyone's first time sucks. And I'm convinced of that because there's so many people that DM me, and they're like, I'm still a virgin at 23, or I'm still a virgin at 24, and I'm saving it, and I want it to be the right moment. I was like, it's gonna suck. I'm sorry. Stop putting so much pressure on it. Like, the first time I lost my virginity. Not the first time. The. The only time I lost my virginity because you can only lose it once. It's not like born again Christianity. When I lost my virginity, it was really awkward. I didn't come. And who came?
- [21:29]
Brandon Edelman
Jesus. I don't even think I came.
- [21:31]
Anna Kai
Just you just. The. The crabs came.
- [21:34]
Brandon Edelman
The crabs came.
- [21:35]
Anna Kai
And my boyfriend's dog watched us at the time because I remember the. The dog's name was Nash. I. I don't think he's around anymore. Rest in peace. So the. What happened was his parents were out of town for, like, a weekend, and he was like, why don't you come over? And I was like, I knew it was gonna happen. And the dog has, like, major separation anxiety or something, and so it was just the two of us. And he, like, closed the door to his room, and the dog was, like, scratching and barking, so we had to, like, let him in. And he just sat there and watched us. And I was, like, really trying hard not to, you know, but it's tough. It's tough. So, yes, a dog somewhere over the rainbow bridge watched me lose my virginity. So that was. But I will say I would take my I. I would virginity story over yours.
- [22:19]
Brandon Edelman
At least you didn't get fleas from the dog.
- [22:21]
Anna Kai
Yeah. Or, you know. Yeah. I don't know. Crabs. Oh, gosh. Okay, so you got crabs the first time, but you were like, I still like having sex and I still like men. So.
- [22:31]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah.
- [22:31]
Anna Kai
What was the next time? What was your first relationship?
- [22:34]
Brandon Edelman
That Was actually recent. My first relationship was 2022. I was 26 years old. Yeah.
- [22:39]
Anna Kai
Oh my gosh.
- [22:39]
Brandon Edelman
First relationship? Yeah.
- [22:41]
Anna Kai
But you'd hooked up with guys.
- [22:42]
Brandon Edelman
I had hooked up with the ugliest guys you could think of. Of, yeah. If you print out the first bot. If you print out like my first 15 bodies. You. It looks like you're looking at it.
- [22:50]
Anna Kai
Is that because that's all you thought you deserved?
- [22:52]
Brandon Edelman
Yes, absolutely. I was like, I was just like, oh, like a hole is a hole. Like that's it. Like I'm never gonna get like a good looking guy.
- [22:58]
Anna Kai
But it's also like, I don't have to feel bad about myself if I know you're less attractive than me.
- [23:03]
Brandon Edelman
That part I was like, I will go for people that I deem uglier than me so that I feel comfortable approaching them. Super scared of rejection, no self worth. I mean, I still love to fuck an ugly guy. Still do, but ugly broke. Step to the front. I. If you don't have a redeeming quality. That's redeeming to me.
- [23:24]
Anna Kai
That's amazing. Are you more of like a save me type of person or are you like a.
- [23:28]
Brandon Edelman
You know, I don't even think I have like anything.
- [23:31]
Anna Kai
You love a shelter dog.
- [23:32]
Brandon Edelman
I, I really like, could go for anybody. I'm like, oh, you, you looked in my direction. Let's get married.
- [23:37]
Anna Kai
You have no standards.
- [23:39]
Brandon Edelman
I've. The standards are getting a lot better. I will say this. We're gonna work on this actually. So my first relationship, absolute stud, doctor. Great, like literally great values, super sweetheart, handsome as hell, not ugly, not ugly at all. And liked me back. And I always say that because I think the first person you date, you date someone that likes you back. And now that I'm out of that, I'm actually looking for someone that I like. And I know what I like now in terms of not just like who's pretty to look at, but like whose personality I actually mesh with. So standards are back. Not in sex, I'll. Anybody. But when I. When it comes to dating, I'm extremely picky. That's why I've only had one boyfriend.
- [24:19]
Anna Kai
Please tell me you get an STD test after you have a little. Okay, good. Because that was my thing, is that I always. You have to be safe. Yeah, you have to be safe.
- [24:28]
Brandon Edelman
So it's probably all the, you know, all the good.
- [24:31]
Anna Kai
What, what is that?
- [24:32]
Brandon Edelman
Prep is like a medicine that you take every day that builds up antibodies for hiv. So, you know, because that HIV is the gay Disease? No, not actually, but there. It's very prominent amongst gay men, especially in big cities.
- [24:44]
Anna Kai
Okay.
- [24:45]
Brandon Edelman
It's very important to, you know, kind of prep for that that ever happens, you know. And, you know, there is. There is this thing called a condom that once in. Once upon a time people used. Sometimes we dabble with it. Sometimes raw is law. So you just never know. You never know. We're getting really unfiltered here.
- [25:01]
Anna Kai
You have a boy. You have a boyfriend, though?
- [25:03]
Brandon Edelman
No, I'm single.
- [25:04]
Anna Kai
No, you're single. Okay.
- [25:05]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah.
- [25:05]
Anna Kai
Who is this boo in your TikTok?
- [25:07]
Brandon Edelman
Oh, my LA situationship.
- [25:08]
Anna Kai
Oh, that was a situation. He was willing to go on camera even though he's your situation ship.
- [25:13]
Brandon Edelman
No, he's great. Obsessed with.
- [25:14]
Anna Kai
Okay.
- [25:15]
Brandon Edelman
If. If he did not live in la, he would probably be my boyfriend. He lives in LA and he's not moving and I live in Philly and I'm not moving and I have an anxious attachment style and that's just not going to work. But while I'm in LA frequently. Great time.
- [25:27]
Anna Kai
I love your video. You were like, we just, like, we just jumped each other's bones and now we're going to go get like in and out or something.
- [25:34]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah, he's great. He's followed me for four years. We've been friends for four years, I think.
- [25:38]
Anna Kai
Did he slide into your DMS?
- [25:39]
Brandon Edelman
I slid into his DMs. He had a boyfriend at the time. Then he slid into my DMs and then I had a boyfriend. And then he definitely picked up on the fact that me and my boyfri boyfriend broke up via, like, just, you know. You know how you can tell someone's single when they haven't posted about yet? Like, it's like they start posting less with that person and then they're going out a lot more. He definitely picked up on that. Slid back in my DMs. Last May. We started hitting it off, chapping again and we'll get into this part of trauma. He's supposed to come visit me in July. I went to the mental hospital, so we had to push that back. And then we met for the first time three weeks ago and have been boning ever since.
- [26:12]
Anna Kai
The end. And we live.
- [26:14]
Brandon Edelman
That's my husband.
- [26:16]
Anna Kai
I. Wait. But actually, how cute would it be if you did end up marrying him? I'd be so happy if for some reason he decided to move to the east coast or Philly or whatever.
- [26:23]
Brandon Edelman
Oh, I would. I would be thrilled. Yeah.
- [26:24]
Anna Kai
How old is he?
- [26:25]
Brandon Edelman
He's 29. So in my age range, Great, has a good job. Not worth a piece of shit like half the other guys I've dated. Dated, fucked. But yeah, no, he's. He's one of my better bodies.
- [26:37]
Anna Kai
Okay, there we go. So back to your mental breakdown. Was that instigated? I saw something about a plane ride that you. Yes. So take us back. You had a breakdown? When was this? How did it happen?
- [26:50]
Brandon Edelman
So I had my first ever panic attack actually in New York city, Fashion Week 2022. Very brief, lasted truly. It was truly a panic attack. Ten minutes long, in and out. It's like. That was fucking scary. Never thought about it again. I was on a brand trip with Celsius in Aspen. Was there for all of 48 hours. Literally like got there Friday at 9am left Sunday at 9am in those 48 hours I was drinking like a fish. Alcohol and Celsius, caffeinated, never experienced the altitude. Slept all of five hours the entire trip. Two hours on Friday, three hours on Saturday. Woke up Sunday morning with a hangover I've never experienced in my life. Because it wasn't just a hangover, it was dehydration, overdosing on caffeine and all that. Got to the airport and actually crashed out. Like genuinely had a migraine that was so severe. The only thing that helps me with my migraines is. Etc. I pop an Excedrin, not really working. Pop another Excedrin, not really working. Drink a nitro cold brew, overdose on caffeine and had a severe panic attack myself in the airport. Threw up in the airport, didn't want to get on the plane. And I'm getting on the plane in Aspen, which is just an overstimulating airport. The size of this studio.
- [28:02]
Anna Kai
Yes, it's tiny.
- [28:03]
Brandon Edelman
Tiny. Have you been? Yes, it's horrible.
- [28:04]
Anna Kai
It's horrible. And everything's always delayed and you always miss your connection.
- [28:07]
Brandon Edelman
Everyone has different kinds of anxiety. I have anticipation anxiety. So I get really anxious before something that. And once something actually happens, my mind gets away from it. But the buildup to something freaks me out. So I'm like what if? My anticipation thought is what if I don't get on the plane? Every anxious thought starts with what if? Usually. And so I'm like what if I don't make it on the plane? What if I cause the plane to go down? Thinking every worst case scenario that didn't even make sense at this point. But we're in Aspen, storms happen, snow. We get on the plane by the grace of God. Took my friend, encouraged me like Brandon, let's just get on it. Stuck on the Runway for an hour and a half. Enough. Just trapped in that vacuum tube, can't breathe. It was the worst scenario ever. Get in the plane, have a layover in Dallas. Now I have to do this all over again where I'm like, do I get on this plane or now do I get a hotel room and try to fly back to Philly? At least I'm out of Aspen, which was my biggest pain point. Eventually get on the plane to Dallas. My whole body was numb. Anxiety, numbness. It was a really traumatizing experience. And unfortunately, there is a disorder that I now know called panic disorder. And panic disorder is, is you basically are always fearful of when your next panic attack is going to happen. So unfortunately, after that experience, I had light panic disorder where I was like, okay, I'm just scared I'm going to have a panic attack on the plane. So forced myself to get on the plane relatively soon. But then I started having those thoughts. Well, what if I have a panic attack filming this podcast. What if I have a panic attack on a work meeting? What if I have a panic? And eventually, unfortunately, that balled into a meltdown and agoraphobia because I was like, basically, what if I have a panic attack walking outside? What if I have a panic attack going to the coffee shop? What if I. What, what if, what if, what if what? I went inside. My body was so dysregulated that I went to the ER. My heart rate was 140. My blood pressure was close to heart attack. To honestly. And at this point, this was July, so this is five months after the asthma trip. It happened very slowly. I'm fast forwarding a lot, but the meltdown happened in July. I was in Montauk. New York. Was having really bad anxiety before the trip. My therapist was like, what? You resist, persist, go chase it. Totally understand where she was coming from. Was it probably the best idea? No. Had full nervous breakdown in Montauk. Took a $400 Uber from Montauk to New York City. By the grace of God, took a 30 minute train to Trenton. I told my parents, no way can I take this all the way to Philly. Picked me up at the first stop, which was Trenton. Lived with my parents for two weeks, got on antidepressants, and really, from July of 2024 to the end of November, I was a Shelby human, truly. Really never thought life was going to get better.
- [30:45]
Anna Kai
That's wild because you're still creating content, you're still grinding. I. Yeah, yeah.
- [30:50]
Brandon Edelman
During that time I went from posting twice a week to posting or twice a day to posting once or twice a week if lucky.
- [30:57]
Anna Kai
But I love that because it shows that you can take a break. Cuz I think people who are trying to do this, they're like, oh, I can't take a break. I can't just. You can step back and by the way, come back better than ever.
- [31:10]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah. No, truly. Yeah. And you know what it was, was it was a forced break, I think. I was going so hard for so long and I was really running away from. And I didn't know I was running away from a lot of stuff, but like I'd gone through my first breakup in April, which was right after Aspen. I moved into my own apartment, which was my first time ever truly living alone. And two huge transitions on top of this weird panic disorder that was starting to develop. And it was a perfect storm of things that were just. Just my life completely fell apart. But it was, I think it needed to because during that time I had to go back to my roots, which was I need my mom, I need my family, and I need. It doesn't matter that I'm making $768,000. None of that matters because I'm literally think I'm going to die. So I need to just be, be. And it was the hardest. I hope I never go through anything like that again. I hope. I mean, I know now if I do, I'll get through it. But genuinely, like, if you read my journal entries time, if you look at my Google searches from that time, I was so dysregulated, I was so unwell. My friends, who are the most amazing people ever. I'll never forget my best friend Lindsay I've spoken about. One of the first things I did was we went to dinner in a movie. Something that I love to do. I love dinner in a movie. And she wrote out a game plan of if bring your Xanax. If you have a panic attack at dinner, we'll drive you home and you'll skip the movie. If you have a panic attack during the movie, I can either miss the movie and drive you home. I'm like, I'm 28 years old and this is the conversations I'm having. I can't watch, watch a movie at the Regal Cinema because I'm so anxious. And that was crazy.
- [32:48]
Anna Kai
But isn't that great that you have people like that around you?
- [32:50]
Brandon Edelman
Absolutely.
- [32:51]
Anna Kai
And I think that's what a reminder.
- [32:52]
Brandon Edelman
And I think that's what. Not that I was Ungrateful at all. I wasn't. I've always been, I would say a humble person, but I think it just stripped me and was like, hey, you need to deal with the childhood trauma. You need to deal with your low standards. You need to deal with all of this stuff. And right now, you're so focused on go, go, go, go, go. That you're not paying attention to Brandon. You're way too focused on Brand Flakes and Brand Flex is. But Brakes is not you. You're Brandon Edelman. And that. I probably had that therapy session so many times. I was at. At my worst, I was in therapy three times a week. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, an hour. My therapist would make a bank off me. But it was. So we went and went to the hospital. You know, we were going to do outpatient at a clinic near me. And she was like, if that's really what you want to do, you can. But I can give you, you know, three sessions a week. I don't like to do that. If you're really that bad, we can do every single day. And that's what we did. We supplemented. So I basically was in, like, an outpatient program via the. Which was. I needed it. And, you know, as things got, like, a little. They slowly got better. It's not like I was this. Like that when talking about the movies. That was in the beginning of August. By the end of, you know, September, I remember I did my first trip in a hotel when we went to Atlantic City, which I do every fucking weekend. But that was a big milestone for me. It was like learning how to walk again.
- [34:08]
Anna Kai
Yeah.
- [34:08]
Brandon Edelman
And I remember coming to New York for the first time for an Amazon holiday party. That was when things started to kind of. Of go on the uphill after that, because I was like, oh, I can come back to New York. Because it. It started in Aspen, but the real mental breakdown happened in New York. And I was like, will I ever go to New York again? And now here I am, and I'm going on planes again. So it's great, but we have to. I always remember that that happened, and I hold space for that. And I really try to in times when I know, like, honestly, right now I'm going really fast again, but I need to always be like, slow down. You don't want July 2024 happening again. That was my Lindsay 2007. Hopefully that well.
- [34:49]
Anna Kai
But also, you need to learn to take time for yourself. And you do in the sense that, like, I wonder if so much of you going, you know, full speed ahead Was you afraid of losing it? Because definitely so long to get here. And you're like. And I feel that, too. It's like, okay, it took me so long to get here. How do I make sure I stay here? You know? And you want to say yes to everything.
- [35:08]
Brandon Edelman
Want to say yes to everything, and you want to keep growing. And, like, especially, you know, I'm sure you relate to this, too. It's like. Like, my family is still not wealthy. You know, they're not. And it's like, I have two older siblings, love them to death, but they're not wealthy. And I'm like, I have this weight that I totally created on my own where I'm like, I want my. I want to retire my parents. Like, I want. Which they are now. But, like, I want to, like, have. I want to put them up in a house and be like, girl, here you go. Take care of it. Like, just recently was the first time I, like, got them a hotel room and, like, treated them to stuff, and I'm like, this is what I want to do, and I want to take care of. Of them. And, yeah, that's been like, that. That does add a pressure, because when you grow up not rich, you know the value of a dollar. And, like, I would grow up and be like. Like I said, if something happened where, you know, I remember my dad had a lawsuit, and, like, our family was just a mess during that time, and everything was, hey, we have to save money. We have to save money. We have to save money. And I'm like, I want to be financially in a position where even if I have a terrifying lawsuit, I still can pay my bills.
- [36:11]
Anna Kai
Yeah.
- [36:11]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah.
- [36:12]
Anna Kai
And I relate to that so much because my dream growing up as a kid was to buy my parents a house. I was like, I always was a theater kid. I always knew I wanted to be in the arts. And so my dream when I was a kid was like, I want to go on American Idol and win and be able to buy them a house.
- [36:29]
Brandon Edelman
Do you sing?
- [36:30]
Anna Kai
I used to sing. I no longer can sing. I've lost that. You know, it's some things you use it or you use it.
- [36:35]
Brandon Edelman
I'm sure you can, and you're being hard on yourself, but. Okay.
- [36:37]
Anna Kai
No, no, I really can't.
- [36:38]
Brandon Edelman
No.
- [36:38]
Anna Kai
Just me at karaoke is not a good thing anymore. You know, I know my strengths, and I know my weaknesses. Singing is. Singing is not one of them. And I don't even drink anymore. So I would say, get me drunk and we'll see. It's like, no, you can't. It's just, you know, I love that. But it's also, like, you can't take care of other people before you take care of yourself.
- [36:58]
Brandon Edelman
You have to put your own life vest on first.
- [36:59]
Anna Kai
Yeah, well, it's like that analogy they always give. Like, when you're in the airplane, you have to put on your own oxygen mask before you put on somebody else's, because if you're passed out, you're not.
- [37:06]
Brandon Edelman
Can'T help anybody anyway.
- [37:07]
Anna Kai
Exactly. So I'm glad you're learning to help yourself out.
- [37:10]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah.
- [37:11]
Anna Kai
How do you deal with the pressure of, like, trying to find balance, though? Because you are still trying to maintain. So where do you find the line for yourself?
- [37:18]
Brandon Edelman
It's so crazy. That's originally why I started going to therapy. I was like, I know. I need a better boundary. I actually think now, even though I'm going so much harder and I'm more busy than I've ever been because I've kind of gone through this, like, really traumatic experience, and I was forced to face my demons and kind of forced to accept things, I feel the most authentic I've ever felt when I create content. And that has really helped that boundary of, like, not to say I was ever posting as someone I wasn't before. But, like, now I truly feel like I'm speaking from the heart and not just posting a video about being drunk, because I think that's what my followers, like, now I'm like, oh, I want to give back and I want to help small businesses because that's what my parents owned. And it's like, like, sure. Do I still need to take a rot day and really turn off my phone? That needs to happen. When that's gonna happen? Not sure, but I. I know it needs to, but it makes all of that feel like there is more personal balance because I'm actually speaking about personal things and doing things that really matter to me and, like, actually making an impact with the content. And it's crazy because I'm now seeing the content perform better than. And I was like, wow, all I actually really had to do was be 100 myself and not just 70% myself. That's crazy. What happens when you fill in that 30%?
- [38:38]
Anna Kai
Well, and one of your videos is about destigmatizing mental health, and you talk about, take my antidepressants with me. So what's the antidepressant you're on?
- [38:45]
Brandon Edelman
On Pristi.
- [38:46]
Anna Kai
I've never heard of that.
- [38:48]
Brandon Edelman
Designer.
- [38:48]
Anna Kai
I was gonna say, I feel like I've heard of everything. You know, it's like, I'm a. So off girly. But what's Pristi?
- [38:53]
Brandon Edelman
Pristique is an snri. So different than ssri. I forget. It's like serotonin, norepine, uptate, reuptate inhibitor.
- [39:05]
Anna Kai
Sure, yes.
- [39:05]
Brandon Edelman
That's. That's. It's that. So I started on Lex when everything first happened. Wasn't doing its job. I wasn't sleeping like. Like not talking genuinely. Like, was not sleeping, like, was taking. Sorry to talk about Xanax. I know it's a controversial talk. I was taking like 1.5 milligrams of Xanax, which is a lot. And was not sleeping like, it was bad. I was up at one point for. That's when I was hospitalized. I was up for three days straight. My mom had to sleep in bed with me, and she was shocked that I was literally still awake. And she was like, Brandon, like, how are you not asleep right now? I was so disregulated with anxiety. I could not. I couldn't shut up. It was like full, like, actually nervous meltdown. Like when people are like, oh, I had a mental breakdown. Like, no, I. I did.
- [39:51]
Anna Kai
You were the embodiment.
- [39:52]
Brandon Edelman
I was the embo. Before crashing out. Before crashing out this thing. So, yeah, we had to get me off Lexa Pro, got me on Prozac. Was not noticing a difference. And then I was like, I need something better. Like, something's got to work. My psychiatrist, like, we're giving you a gene test. I was like, what the is a gene test? She was like, we're going to take your DNA and we're going, what medicine works the best for you? I didn't even know this was a thing. Went on Gina site did it came back. Turns out Prozac and Lexapro were not great for my genes. We looked at the column of drugs that were. She was like, let's try Pristique. It's a little bit drowsier, which will help you with your sleeping. And it's not as activating and it's not as the side effects aren't as crazy. After about two and a half months is definitely when I started to like. You know, they say it takes six to eight weeks. For me it was more eight to 10. But yeah, I started to notice a difference and now I'm doing great.
- [40:40]
Anna Kai
Isn't it astonishing how medication can change your life? I resisted going on medication.
- [40:45]
Brandon Edelman
So did I.
- [40:45]
Anna Kai
Forever. I was like, you know what? I don't need it.
- [40:48]
Brandon Edelman
I don't need it.
- [40:48]
Anna Kai
I'm gonna run.
- [40:49]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah.
- [40:49]
Anna Kai
I'm gonna meditate. I'm gonna listen to podcasts. I was like, oh, I tried it all.
- [40:54]
Brandon Edelman
I was doing anything to avoid taking.
- [40:56]
Anna Kai
That pill because I think there is an. I don't know what it is. For me, it was like, it's a weakness almost. I felt like taking medication was giving up. And I really. I've had anxiety and depression ever since I was like 18 or 19. That's when I first started noticing. It always managed right, but your genetics eventually catch up with you. And it was really after Covet that I realized I was like, this is not working. And it was getting worse and worse. It wasn't getting.
- [41:22]
Brandon Edelman
You can't. It really. Unfortunately, I feel like it doesn't. Like, I have a friend right now who I know if things don't get better for her in the next three months, I'm gonna have to tell her, like, girl, you gotta get on pills.
- [41:30]
Anna Kai
Yeah.
- [41:31]
Brandon Edelman
Like, you gotta.
- [41:32]
Anna Kai
But everybody sort of has to come to that decision too.
- [41:34]
Brandon Edelman
You do? Yeah. Because it comes to a point where, like, you attach yourself to this word, situational. You're like, no, I'm depressed, but it's because of this. Like. But eventually it's. There keeps being a. Because it's like, no, babe, you're just clinically. Unfortunately, you're clinically depressed and you need to get on. That's where I. That was my acceptance. For me, it wasn't about weakness. This was just so funny. I was like, it's a chemical. I'm digesting something. What if. And my doctor was like, bro, you drink like a fish. Like, I think he got better thing. And I'm like, you're right. Give me the fudgeing pills.
- [42:06]
Anna Kai
You're like, no, I'm not changing. But here's the thing is, it's like I realized on medication that I don't have to white knuckle my life.
- [42:13]
Brandon Edelman
No.
- [42:13]
Anna Kai
And I think that's what it was. It's like everything I catastrophize, so I struggle with. So panic. But more so. I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. Okay.
- [42:27]
Brandon Edelman
I thought I had that for a while.
- [42:28]
Anna Kai
Not acute. You know, like when people are like, oh, I am so ocd. I'm like, no, no, no. I've had, like. I have what's called.
- [42:34]
Brandon Edelman
What's your rituals? Oh, I thought they say I might still have that.
- [42:38]
Anna Kai
You probably. You were talking about. I. Oh, the what if you can't stop thinking about one thing.
- [42:44]
Brandon Edelman
Anxiety. About anxiety.
- [42:45]
Anna Kai
Exactly. And then it just spirals on itself. And like people, it's a very specific type of anxiety. It's not just generalized anxiety, which I have too, but it's like, I will take a thought and just run with it. So I was like, I had, like, dry eyes or something at one point in my life. And I just thought, well, what if the dry eyes are because I got Lasik five years ago and what if my eyes are regressing? And then eventually that led to, what if I'm going blind? What if I'm just going to be blind in 10 years and it's because. Because I did this thing and it's completely static.
- [43:15]
Brandon Edelman
Scenario building.
- [43:16]
Anna Kai
Yeah, exactly. It's completely nonsensical. But it feels so real in the moment.
- [43:20]
Brandon Edelman
It does.
- [43:21]
Anna Kai
And then everything, like, if I have to have a hard conversation with somebody at work or whatever, it's like, oh, my God, this is gonna happen and the worst is going to happen. And then I got on Zoloft and I realized, oh, I can handle hard things. Actually, very few things are the end of the world. Whereas prior to this, I was like, everything is the end of the world. Right? It's like, okay, this person doesn't like me. This opportunity doesn't happen happen if this guy leaves, you know, it's like, we don't need to feel like everything's the end of the world. You will die one day, girly. But it's not that you think it's going to happen.
- [43:53]
Brandon Edelman
Mine was so specific about mental illness. So I was. I know right now I could tell you everything about. That's Puro. I was obsessed with figuring out, getting an answer. Puro. Getting to the bottom of a question.
- [44:05]
Anna Kai
That your Google searches.
- [44:07]
Brandon Edelman
Yes. So I was watching, like, I would be on Tik Tok, watching every single, like, doctor, patient, everything I knew, every kind of therapy. I'm like, do I need to do emdr? Do I need to get ketamine treatment? To trying to think of any solution to an unsolvable problem and was just convincing. I would go on. I would have spirals, like, one day because I literally. The doctor, literally, I've never thought a doctor would say that. They were like, you need to take two Xanax a day. Your heart rate is out of control and you need to sleep. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm addict. And they were like, you're not an addict. We are telling you that you need to take this. Like, this is what Xanax is actually subscribed for, prescribed for like, yes, it is a drug that is typically abused, but you're not taking it with alcohol. You're not drinking to get drunk and then taking a bar. You literally need to take this. And I was like, no, I'm not taking it. I'm addicted. One day I felt like, a little sick. I texted all my friends ago, I'm having Xanax withdrawal. They're like, brandon, you. You're not withdrawing on, like, you just need to sleep. Yeah. They're like, you're just exhausted. I'm sending, like, Google Drive link. I'm like, see this? I have a. I have rumination ocd. It's a subtype I have, which I probably don't have it, but, like, it's crazy.
- [45:15]
Anna Kai
That is wild. Okay, so do you think you'll ever get off medication? That's a question I struggle with a lot because I love it so much. Yeah.
- [45:22]
Brandon Edelman
You know what? It's so forever.
- [45:24]
Anna Kai
Feels like a long time.
- [45:25]
Brandon Edelman
It does feel like a long time. I'm going to have a year check in. I just had my six month check in. I feel really great right now. I. It's just too serious to, like, the p. The meltdown, where it's like, it's too soon for me to even talk about that transparently. Like, recently I've been forgetting to take it and I haven't noticed anything crazy. Like, I still, like, I might take it like once every two days instead of every day. And I like, keep noticing. I'm like, wait, I don't feel any different. Maybe one day I can get off of this. But it's too soon for me to have that conversation. Do I want to be on the rest of my life? No. If someone tells me, hey, you'll crash out again if you go off of it, great, keep me on it. I don't really care.
- [45:59]
Anna Kai
Right. I tried going off of Zoloft once and I completely had a meltdown. Had a meltdown. And my husband was like, you need to get back on this. So I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I might need to be on it forever. And apparently one day I have to have a baby. You know women. That's something.
- [46:16]
Brandon Edelman
That's. So my sister was on Effexor. Okay. And she just got off of it a year ago because she's trying to get pregnant and she's been fine. And I'm really happy, happy for her.
- [46:26]
Anna Kai
But you can take soft, apparently when you're pregnant. But also if you already have mental health, you're much More likely, I think, to get postpartum.
- [46:33]
Brandon Edelman
Oh, I listen to the Mel Robbins podcast. Yeah, yeah. That was like my Crash out podcast. I would listen to Mel Robbins every day and I'd be like, Mel told me I have to do this. So if I don't do it, Mel's going to be disappointed at me and I need to do the. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Do you listen to Mel Robbins? Of course.
- [46:50]
Anna Kai
And you know what? And it's like, here's the thing. It's like, I love her advice, but sometimes take the drugs. Take the fucking drugs.
- [46:55]
Brandon Edelman
And she's a zoom off queen.
- [46:57]
Anna Kai
Yes, exactly. Yeah. But it's all in conjunction with one another. But I feel like if for me, without that component of medication, I could not apply the rest of all these tactics in play. Like, I couldn't be calm. I couldn't even count. Okay. I hadn't slept. And same with you. So, okay, how is dating now that you're in the public eye and you're a wellness queen and you know what? You. You know what you want. You have some level of standards. Like, what are you looking for?
- [47:29]
Brandon Edelman
Dating is awful. Genuinely, like, right now, I don't want a boyfriend. Like, truly, like, I'm so. I'm so in love with myself right now, which I've never felt. But, like, I love what I'm doing. I'm happy with how I look. I love the way I've been able to dress. I love the lifestyle that I finally accepted that I can live. And if a man comes, he'll come. But, like, it is not a priority. I'm gonna be so honest. I love being a. I love whoever I want. I love the fact that I'm in New York right now. I have, like, six guys in my phone. I just get to pick. And I'm like, I love that. I don't feel bad about it. I. I love it. I want no commitment right now to anybody. Now, is that to say if someone walks in? Like, I went on a date, actually, while I was in Pittsburgh, I've been going on a date in every city I'm in. And that was the first date I've had in so long where I was like, butterflies. Forgot those. And I was like, damn, like, I actually like him.
- [48:24]
Anna Kai
The Tin man has a soul after all.
- [48:26]
Brandon Edelman
I'm like, I'm. I'm getting my heart back. But then I was like, oh, thank God he lives in Pittsburgh, so I don't actually have to freak out and go psycho over him. But, yeah, no. So it's like, if the right guy comes, I'm like, totally all game. But for right now, like, I'm focused on my pain. Paycheck. I'm focused on me. And like, genuinely, I mean that. I feel like I've said that before and it's like, so such. But, like, no, genuinely, like, right now, like, dating is not a priority. I'm having fun being a. I love.
- [48:56]
Anna Kai
That because, you know, as somebody who was always trying to find a husband, I don't know if I ever got to that point where I was like, I genuinely don't want my husband to walk into my life. It was always like you said, I'm not ready.
- [49:08]
Brandon Edelman
Yeah, I'm not ready to meet someone. You know, I had. And it's so hard to too, because, like, my first relationship was so special, was so passionate and was so fiery that, like, it set a high standard. So it's like, now I know like, what. When I look, I'm like, no, that's not right. That's not right. So I'm like, it's great that I know that my first relationship was so great and whoever I end up with is somehow going to top that and be better. So I'm like, I'm saving up for the better, but for right now, I'm. I'm doing me.
- [49:36]
Anna Kai
Do you want long term partnership, companionship? Do you want kids? Is that even in the picture for you? Are you more like.
- [49:42]
Brandon Edelman
I think I do. Yeah. No, I don't definitely dream of, like, finding a soul mate, but I don't even want to use the term, but it's like, I don't dream of that right now. Right now I'm dreaming about how am I getting on tv? How am I like, getting my parents that beach house? That is like the thoughts that make me smile. The man will come later. I think I was just watching. I was just watching last night's episode of White Lotus and I think she said something from Scarface. She's like, first you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the girl. That's me. First to get the money, getting the money next to get the power, then I'll get the man. Love it.
- [50:11]
Anna Kai
I cannot think of a better way to end. That is amazing. Focus on you. To all the biddies listening, it is okay if you are in your whore era and you do not want a commitment. That is the phase of your life and by the way, a phase of your life that you will not get back if one day you do end up committing to somebody long term.
- [50:28]
Brandon Edelman
Absolutely.
- [50:29]
Anna Kai
Like, when you're married like me, you don't go back from that, you know, unless you get divorced. But we hope for that not to happen.
- [50:34]
Brandon Edelman
We hope for that not to happen.
- [50:35]
Anna Kai
We hope for that not to to happen. Thank you so much for being here today. So where can everyone find you?
- [50:40]
Brandon Edelman
Brand double underscore flakes with twosies on Tick Tock. Brand one underscore flakes with two z's on Instagram. Between us girlies, podcast streaming on Apple, Spotify, YouTube. That's me.
- [50:52]
Anna Kai
We did not think the underscore thing through at the beginning of your career.
- [50:56]
Brandon Edelman
We need to do brand flakes with no underscore was taken. So the unders who took Bram Flakes with two z's. That's why there's. But you know what? It is what it is. It's the name now.
- [51:06]
Anna Kai
All right, thank you so much.