← Build with Leila Hormozi
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If you are looking to feel more confident before you make a move, stop. If you're waiting for clarity or support or people to get behind you, stop. Because courage doesn't wait for those things. It moves without them. Courage comes first. Confidence comes later. It always has and always will. What's up, guys? Welcome back to Build and today I want to talk to you about courage. Courage. So this is top of mind for me. And by the way, I just wanna say, if you hear me, I am on the treadmill because I don't have as much time today, but this came up and it was top mine. And I was like, I'm gonna hit it in the podcast form. So if you hear the steps, that's because I'm trying to be healthy and get my steps in. That being said, I had this on my mind, which was the concept of courage. And actually it came from yesterday when I was doing a podcast with my partner Sharon, and we were talking about making content. And we wanted to talk about making content for people who operate companies. Because I think it's just so different for somebody who has a flag. I joke, like a full time job versus is a content creator. Like, I have never considered myself a content creator. I've considered myself the CEO who just happens to make content. And I think there's a really big difference. And as we were talking about it, he said one of the things, the reasons why he though it's hard and taxing and can be tiring and sometimes he's like, I don't want to do this, I don't want to make the content. He's like, I always get a ton of courage from it. And it actually really drew me in because I started thinking about it and I said, wow, that's the reason why I do so many things. There are so many things in life that I don't want to do that I feel uncomfortable doing, but I do them anyway. Now why is that? Because I love flexing my courage muscle. And so it got me thinking about this concept around courage. And it's something that I studied a lot. I want to say like three or four years ago, but it's been really, really relevant for my life recently because I realized that that's actually the word that probably would represent the last six months of my life is just learning how to flex courage in situations that I've never been in before. And I think that there's this misconception which is that courage is like a personality trait or it's like the output of like doing something and So I kind of want to demystify that for all of you, because I think if you're out there trying to do hard things, if you're building a business, if you're trying to build yourself to be better, if you're building relationship, like, it requires a significant amount of courage. And I think that there's a lot of misconceptions around how you actually foster courage and what it is. So I kind of want to address that today. The first thing I want to say is that courage is not something you're born with. It's not a personality trait. It is a choice that you make. Okay, I can tell you guys this. When I was a kid, when I was younger, I was terrified. I did not have courage. I avoided all hard things. I avoided things that made me anxious. I would constantly try to dodge things I hadn't. Like, I would say, like, a naturally high level of anxiety and fear compared to, like, a lot of people. Like, I think my baseline was higher. And so that's why I talk about this stuff so much. I've had to work so hard on it to get to where I am, because I just had this natural inclination towards it. And as I got older, what I realized is that courage is not a personality trait, is a choice you make is a choice to do something while you're scared. It's taking action in the presence of fear, not in the absence of it. Okay? By definition, courage does not exist without fear. I know. That's wild. Like, courage does not exist without fear. That's kind of crazy, right? Because courage is the ability to do something that frightens someone, so you cannot have it without fear. Fear is a prerequisite to courage. Okay? So if you have no fear, you have no courage. If there is no fear in your life, if you fear nothing, you don't have the chance to show yourself how courageous you are. If you do things and exhibit strength, but there's no fear, that's just comfort. And it might be somewhat of strength, but it's not really knowing what you're truly capable of. I think real courage, it feels like risk. It feels like you feel exposed and you feel uncertain. What if I fail? What if this doesn't work? What if the worst thing happens? Right? And I think that for a lot of people and a lot of my life, I thought that that meant I need to stop and that I wasn't ready for something and that I was like, okay, well, I need to wait until I'm more confident, I'm more courageous. I'm more certain I'm more like qualified to do this thing. But what I realized over time is that courage is the input. It is the freaking input, and confidence is the output. Okay? Confidence is what you get after you've done the hard thing. Courage is what gets you to do it in the first place. So it's a muscle. So if you're scared, great. Then you get to learn how to be courageous, which means then later you can be confident. So you're exactly where you're supposed to be. It took me a long time to understand this, and once I did, I realized that courage is simply the act, not the thought, not the emotion, the actual of doing something while scared. There is no emotion of courage. In fact, the emotion you'll be experiencing when you do something courageous is fear, panic, anxiety. It's all these bad things. These things that feel bad, right? And you think they are, and it's doing the thing anyways. So how do you actually get yourself to do things to be courageous? Okay, I want to be real with you guys. If I only made moves, made decisions, changed things about my life, when I felt ready, acquisition.com wouldn't exist. I wouldn't have my marriage, I wouldn't have made any investments, I wouldn't have bought a building. I wouldn't have any of the success I have today. I wouldn't have stepped into rooms where I was not only the only woman, but also the youngest person in the room with the least amount of credentials. Okay? Every single meaningful decision I have made, I was scared, I had doubt, and I did it freaking anyways. And that is courage, okay? It's not waiting until something feels good and then doing it. It's doing the thing that doesn't feel good anyways because you know what's waiting on the other side. And so when you're facing these things in life, maybe it's making content, maybe it's running a business. Maybe it's, you know, starting a side hustle. Maybe it's a new relationship and you feel like I need to wait until I have more confidence or more courage. Look, you get courage by doing it while scared. Courage only exists when fear is present. So it's a myth. You've made this up in your mind, and it's the biggest excuse that stops people from doing something. And what nobody is going to tell you is that courage is the cost of confidence. Confidence is the reward you get for flexing the muscle of courage. And oftentimes what happens is people look at somebody successful and they say, oh, my Gosh, they're so confident. No, I want you to take that out of your fucking mind. They are courageous. Over and over and over and over and over again. And confidence is what you get after you put in the reps, after you show up scared shitless after you do it anyways. Successful people are no more capable than you. They just have more courage. Guys, I wish I just could take. I could just show you my inside of my brain. I have as much fear as you. I have asthma, stabbed as you. I have as much anxiety as you. I hear what you guys say. I see the comments. You're scared. You want it to go away. You're anxious. You this. Like you're trying to do big things, but you're not willing to pay the toll, right? The toll is that you've got to be courageous, which means you have to feel fear. Then you get the confidence. Courage is what gets you to open the business, to step into the gym, to do the first date, to put yourself out there. It's the willingness to look stupid, to be doubted, to be judged, to be misunderstood, to. To not have it all figured out, and to do it ugly in public, in front of everybody and be okay with the fact that you might look like a fucking idiot and fail. All of my power. I realize this more and more as time goes on. All of my personal power is derived from the fact that I'm okay with looking stupid. I see what people say about me. I see when people judge me, and I'm okay with it. I don't even need to fight it. I don't even need to argue with it anymore. And I feel really good saying that. But, guys, it came from years of exhibiting brutal courage. Brutal courage, like being really, really scared and doing things anyways. If you see somebody who has achieved more than you understand, they probably didn't get lucky. They probably had more courage. What things would you do today, right now, right now, if fear did not exist? Those are the opportunities for you to flex courage, to build the muscle, because the fear will never go away. Let me promise you this. It will never go away until you learn how to be courageous. So what does it actually look like in real life? Because I think a lot of people think courage is like, I'm gonna climb the mountain. I'm gonna quit the job. I'm gonna tell this, like, courage is. It is. It shows up in so many ways every day. And I think a lot of us hide from it in many ways because we choose comfort over courage on a continuous basis. Courage might look like, you know, giving somebody tough feedback when it's easier to avoid it, or firing somebody who's really, really nice, but they're not right for the role in your company. It might be saying, I don't know when you feel like you should know. It might be starting your business when it's 85% done instead of endlessly tweaking it and being a perfectionist. It might be speaking up when everybody else agrees about something. Promise you, I have done all these things and none of them felt good in the moment. They feel uncomfortable, they feel risky, they make me feel vulnerable and exposed because I know that people might look at me like I'm stupid, but they always move the business forward and they always make me better. And eventually, if I look back, what I really see is that they are what build my confidence. The real kind, the kind that cannot be shaken with outside circumstances and situations, but the kind that, like, I have deep confidence in myself because of these things. And it cannot be stolen from you. And that is one of the hardest things that you can accumulate for yourself. And so I think a lot of times when we think about courage, we think of that person that's going to climb Mount Everest or do this thing. It's like, courage is often found in the small things that we sweep away every day. I call it like bugs under the rug. Like, what bugs under the rug do you have? What things do you, on a daily basis, not do you shy away from because you don't have courage. And they, they wear away at your character. They wear away at your self respect. Because if you don't do those things, then you don't feel in alignment with who you want to be. And if you're not in alignment, you're not going to get there. So I think that brings us to the next natural point I wrote down, which is people like, well, great, Layla, I want courage. I understand that, but I think everyone says they want courage until they understand what does courage actually feel like. Like, what does courage feel like? Right, because we explained at the beginning of this, right? There's no emotion of courage. You're experiencing fear and you take action anyways. So what does that mean? That means that courage feels like shit. Like, let's just be honest, okay? It feels like tension in your chest, a constricted throat, maybe your stomach hurts. It's like the voice in your head that's like, what if this is the wrong call? What if they judge me? What if I fail? What if I click immediately? What if he doesn't like Me anymore. What if, what if, what if, what if, what if? Catastrophizing all over the place. And that is the point, right? Because if it feels easy, it's not courage. It's comfort. And so what you have to train yourself is to understand that discomfort is not a problem. It's a signal. It means that you're stretching. It means that you are growing the muscle of courage. And there is nothing. There's no business, no leader, no relationship, no life, no body that grows without tension. So that's what I want you to think about, is that you want to change your relationship with this discomfort, because courage only exists in those uncomfortable feelings. You can only be courageous when you have the discomfort, the fear, the anxiety, the anger, whatever it might be. And growth doesn't occur without tension. Think about it, right? Does anything in life grow without having some tension? It's the current day and the future, and they're tugging at each other, right? And that doesn't feel comfortable. And so I think that what happens a lot and what a lot of people say to me is like, I'm just not ready to take the next step to do the thing. And it's because they think that they're supposed to feel good, that courage should feel good. No. I remember the first time that I stepped on a big stage, and I kept thinking, if I practice enough, if I, you know, have a great outfit and hair and makeup and do all, like, I'm gonna feel ready, and when I get up there, it's gonna feel good, and I'm gonna be proud of myself. Dude, that shit. I showed up immediately. I'm like, oh, my God, my stomach hurts. I can't, like, poop my pants. I'm like, my throat's dry. I can't even speak. People are talking to me. They're, like, coming up to me, asking me questions. I'm like, oh, my God. I can't even focus right now. Like, I'm so terrified. I'm about to step on the stage with 8,000 people watching me. And then I stepped onto that stage, and I was like, okay, maybe it'll go. Nope, didn't go away. I could barely speak. But I had practice enough that I was able to get the words out. And after about 75 seconds, I calmed down. That is using courage to build confidence. Because what happened after that? I realized that I could do something really scary, really risky, where a lot of people could judge me. I could be. Have a lot of judgment put upon me. I could be misunderstood. I did it anyways. And I didn't die. I didn't die. I survived. I made it for the next day. And you know what that told my brain is like, you can do this again and we can do it, and we can. Maybe we can do it better and we can do this. And, like, all of a sudden, this thing I was so terrified of, I felt elated after. I felt excited, I felt relieved. I felt like almost like a high because I exhibited courage. And so what courage feels like is when you're doing it, when you're flexing the muscle of courage, it doesn't feel good. It feels terrifying, it feels scary, it feels hard, it feels uncertain. But after you know that you have built courage, when you feel that sense, that sense of an elated sense of self in a good way, in a healthy way, like, wow, I'm so proud of myself. Like, it's okay to be proud of yourself. I was in that moment. There's many times I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of myself for doing that today. Good fucking job. Like, we should cheer ourselves on more, right? And so the question really comes down to how do you get more courage? And I think this goes back to understanding that courage is the input, not the output. Which means that you want to train it like a muscle, right? If we want to look like a supermodel or a bodybuilder, then we have to work out like one, the input, right? And so muscle is the same as courage. We have to work it out, and it's trainable. And so it's not like a you have it or you don't thing. It's a reps and volume thing, right? So if right now you're listening to this and you're like, layla, I don't think I have too much of that. Like, I've got small muscles. I'm like, I'm looking like yoga Pilates over here, by the way. Love yoga and Pilates, but not the best for building muscle. And you're like, I don't know, how am I going to get a booty? Right? Then you have to start with the small stuff. You have to be like, okay, can I do three reps, three sets of 10, you know, twice today, tomorrow, the next day, or three times a week just of some, you know, glute kickbacks or hip bridges, whatever it might be, right? That's how you build a muscle. Now, courage is the same. You start with the small stuff. It's like, well, what if you just in this meeting said what you really think rather Than lie. Just, just in that meeting. You have it three times a week. You might as well just not fucking lie anymore. I don't know, maybe you'll get fired, maybe people won't like you. But, like, let's just try, right? Or maybe it's like, you know, I've been avoiding making these calls and talking to these customers. Fuck it, today I'm going to talk to one of them. Or maybe it's something bigger where it's like, I've been wanting to start this new product line, I've been wanting to launch this new campaign, and it's not completely ready yet, but fuck it, like, let's get out the shitty first draft. Great. Do it while you're scared. Not after the fear goes away, because that, that part might never come if you don't do the thing. And then what happens over time is you stop needing to feel ready because you trust that you can act without feeling ready. And that is where the real power comes in. And ironically, that's where you get confidence from. Not from knowing something, but from doing something. And so what you want to understand and what I would like to impress upon you is that in leadership, in business, in life, the higher that you go, the more courage is required to get there. Because leading yourself, leading others, leading a movement, it is about doing the hard thing first. So you have to say no to things that are good to make room for what's great. You have to disagree with people who are smarter or louder than you or maybe more experienced than you. And you have to make decisions that nobody fucking supports, right? Because they don't believe until they see it. And so, as you continue to want more and more success in life, you have to have more courage because you have to do harder things. And it doesn't feel good. It isn't always popular, but it does move things forward. It does make you better. Now here's the part that a lot of people miss. Your team, your friends, your family, they don't need you to be fearless. You don't need to be fearless, okay? I'm giving you permission right now. You don't need to get rid of fear. I actually want you to keep it. You need to be brave consistently. Because when you choose courage, you make it appropriate and safe for every single other person around you to do the same thing. You make it okay to be courageous, which means it's okay to be scared and do it anyways. Guys, I think every breakthrough that I have had in business, relationships, life, personal development, it always came down to a moment that I was really terrified, and I did it anyways. And so if you are looking to feel more confident before you make a move, stop. If you're waiting for clarity or support or people to get behind you, stop. Because courage doesn't wait for those things. It moves without them. Courage comes first. Confidence comes later. It always has and always will. So I appreciate you guys. This was just really top of mind for me. I'm so sorry if the treadmill is loud. It's a new one. Like it better, but it's loud. This has just been on my mind. I just. I really want for you guys to just get this. I just. I want everybody to. Because I want you to have the life of your dreams. I want you to do cool. I want you to build epic. And you can't do that without courage. So maybe you need to hear this. Maybe somebody else does. If so, go ahead, send in this podcast, and I'll see you on the next one.