A (5:08)
We measure people by what they cost you, not what they say. Just because somebody talks up a big game doesn't mean that they should be in your life. If somebody makes it harder to behave like the person I respect, being they are too expensive to have in my life. Like, no matter how charming, how connected, or how important they are, people ask me all the time, layla, what do I do? My boss, I know they don't respect me. How do I manage them up? You don't. You leave. Person's not going to change because of you. People barely can get themselves to change. And I know that you're probably thinking, well, but this job, I can't get another job. Or like, this is my business partner. Like, I have to make it work, or I've been married for this. Like, I understand, but at the same time, there's a quote that comes to mind every time I think of this, which is like, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again expecting a different result. The situation won't change unless you do. And you don't change by wanting. You don't change by wishing. And you don't change by feeling. You change by doing something different. Someone can't disrespect you if you leave the situation. And so allowing someone to continually disrespect us is when you give away your own power. Discipline means stopping a behavior immediately, but that almost always fails. So you don't need to be perfect right away. You just need to take a step towards the next best alternative. What you want to do is identify a realistic, better, not perfect alternative to your habit. So instead of drinking vodka, maybe you drink a seltzer. Instead of drinking a seltzer, maybe you have a craft beer. Instead of a craft beer, maybe you're going to have a non alcoholic beer. Maybe then instead of a non alcoholic beer, then you're going to have a Diet Coke. And then after a Diet Coke you're going to say, I'm going to have a sparkling water. And you see how it goes. It's like you take tiny little steps. You don't just make the big swing all at once. And so small steps in the right direction turn into big changes over time. It's just that most people are so impatient with themselves, they don't allow themselves to get there. And they stay stuck in this cycle of going, big change and then back out, big change again, back out. Stop seeking approval. Every time that you wait for somebody else to say go, you give them control over your future. You want to have your own approval. And approval from what I would call like your future board of directors. Who are the people you look up to? Would they approve of you doing this? Most people are waiting for permission from people who aren't even where they want to be and are even achieving their own goals, let alone helping you achieve yours. They ask their parents, they ask their spouse, they asking 12,000 people on social media and then they feel more confused because you have contrary evidence. And you feel more confused because the thing is this asking for opinions does not create clarity. Action creates clarity. Most people give you advice based on their fears, not on their knowledge. And so they're giving you advice based on what didn't work for them, didn't work for their dad, mom, spouse, partner, brother, whatever it is. And here's the thing, anyone who's successful, anyone who makes money, you know how they got there? By conviction, not consensus of everybody in their life. I would even go so far to say this. If everybody approves of your decision, it's probably wrong. Discipline isn't sexy. It is boring. And boring is what scales. Boring is what works. People say all the time, I would love to see a day in your life, Layla. And I'm like, well that's boring as because my life is a series of systems strung Together every day. I have a system for every aspect of my life. But here's the thing. Those systems, those are discipline and they're real. Are they boring? For sure, they look boring from the outside, but they get the results that I'm looking for. In my life, doing simple things consistently is what actually leads to massive success. I have literally never had a time where I have woken up on a single day and thought, I want to do every single thing today. Because most days I wake up, I at least don't want to do one thing. I don't want to do the workout, I don't want to talk to the person, I don't want to have the hard conversation. I don't want to do the interview. But I also know that feelings are fleeting and I want the long term satisfaction of knowing that I can stick with something, knowing I have control over myself, and knowing that I've mastered something. Discipline is not just going to bring you closer to your goals. It's going to bring you closer to the person that you want to be. Stop avoiding hard conversations. People won't say it out loud, but they are counting. Every single time that you avoid doing the hard thing, every time that you dodge the truth, you lose respect. And so executive presence means being the one who will say what others won't say. I remember there was a quote from Mark Zuckerberg that I actually really like, and he said, your job as a CEO is to be a truth teller. You have to tell the truth, even if nobody else will. So what you want to do is you want to replace avoidance with confrontation. It's not that you just want to confront people and loosely call people out, act like an asshole, but you want to confront them with composure. And what that means is you want to be honest. Because when you're honest, that builds trust. When you soften the truth, when you avoid the truth, you create confusion. And when you name names, you become the person to look for. When you want solutions.
