Expect the Unexpected | Spotify Video Exclusive

Summary

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Build with Leila Hormozi

Episode: Expect the Unexpected | Spotify Video Exclusive
Date: December 16, 2023
Host: Leila Hormozi
Guest: Alex Hormozi (Leila’s husband/business partner), Event Organizer, Audience Members

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Leila Hormozi shares lessons on building an "unshakeable business" through stories of travel, speaking events, audience engagement, and navigating unexpected challenges. The episode is set around a trip to San Diego where Leila and Alex speak at a friend’s event, giving listeners a behind-the-scenes look at public speaking, personal branding, online criticism, relationship dynamics, and risk management in business. Leila’s tone is candid, relatable, and filled with actionable insights, encouraging entrepreneurs to embrace uncertainty and turn challenges into growth opportunities.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Embracing the Unexpected in Business and Life

• Preparedness for Uncertainty: Leila opens with the theme that "nothing ever goes how you want it to go," emphasizing the necessity for business owners to expect and accept surprises as part of the process.

  “Prepare for the unexpected. Nothing ever goes how you want it to go.” (00:00, Leila)

• Event Chaos: She describes the unpredictability of live events, including technical difficulties that threatened her presentation but ultimately led to valuable audience Q&A.

  “You’ll know that nothing ever goes exactly as planned. There’s always stuff that goes off, especially when you have an event with thousands and thousands of people. It’s just really impossible to have everything go smooth as butter.” (08:21, Leila)

2. Behind the Scenes: Speaking Engagements

• Balancing Time and Value: Leila shares her hesitancy to commit to speaking gigs, prioritizing close relationships and value over volume.

  “...If I have a good friend who’s doing an event, I will drop everything to go speak if they ask me to. Because that’s just what friends do.” (00:40, Leila)

• Nerves and Recovery: The candid admission of nerves before speaking, including nightmares and feeling “thrown” by tech issues, showcases vulnerability.

  “I, like, couldn’t think. Like, I was just, like, distracted by the everything happening on stage… Now it’s just like, nothing ever goes how you want it to go. Prepare for the unexpected.” (08:11, Leila)

• Personal Value in Q&A: Leila realizes that direct Q&A often offers more value than formal presentations.

  “Even though I like to do presentations…answering someone’s personal question is probably more valuable at the event.” (08:33, Leila)

3. Personal Branding: Authenticity, Sustainability, and Audience Connection

• Top Three Branding Tips:
  • Make content you personally want to see.
  • Never pretend to be an expert in something you’re not—focus on what only you can share.
  • Ensure content creation is sustainable; if it feels bad, you’ll quit.

  “My best content always comes from making content that I wish I could watch myself … If it feels shitty to make it … you’ll eventually want to stop.” (06:46, Leila)

• Endurance Through Criticism: Leila discusses early criticism targeting her appearance and voice, describing how facing and processing these comments built resilience.

  “I didn’t expect people to talk about how I look, how deep my voice is…Through that, like, being shitty in the beginning, I think I learned so many skills to manage judgment from others.” (02:53, Leila)

4. Navigating Online Judgment and Vulnerability

• Normalization and Self-Acceptance: Leila shares the turning point of agreeing with some criticisms to take away their power and accepting her uniqueness.

  “It just took me admitting to myself that I’m not like everybody else. I’m me.” (03:40, Leila)

• Openness vs. Shame: She believes talking openly about criticism reduces its power, advocating transparency rather than silence.

  “I have come to realize … not talking about it and being ashamed of what people say about you on the internet doesn’t help because I think anything you don’t talk about has power over you.” (03:22, Leila)

5. Business Lessons: Risk, Negotiation, and Reality

• Doing the Hard Things: Leila recounts repeated anxiety from new challenges and the importance of “just doing it” to build risk tolerance.

  “At some point in your life, you have to take a risk. … The only way that I’ve known to increase my risk tolerance is just fucking doing it.” (15:12, Leila)

• Negotiation as Discussion: She demystifies job negotiation, suggesting it’s more about honest discussion than confrontation.

  “I think the word negotiating is such, like, an ick to it. … I think it’s just like discussing expectations.” (14:45, Leila)

• Happiness in Jobs: Leila stresses focusing on desired daily life rather than just salary, as day-to-day work impacts happiness more.

  “What do you want your day to day to look like, not how much money you want to make. Because your day to day … is going to affect your happiness more than the income.” (13:37, Leila)

• Memorable House Story: Leila shares a bizarre Airbnb story to underscore embracing discomfort and adapting to reality.

  “I stayed in this Airbnb with five grown up men … there were hidden cameras in the whole house. … But you know, that situation made me a lot more tough.” (16:30, Leila)

6. Relationships and Communication

• Understanding Spousal Needs: Discussing “Love and Respect” book, Leila and Alex reflect on men’s tendency to solve and women’s need to be heard.

  “I just want you to listen. I don’t need you to help me solve anything. I just would love you to listen.” (09:42, Leila)

• Not Expecting Everything from Your Partner: Building networks outside your spouse for a balanced life.

  “Our society … makes it up like these two people need to be everything for each other. … The smartest relationships … have networks of other people that they can get other things from.” (10:09, Leila)

7. Personal Touches & Audience Engagement

• Fitness, Apparel, and Real Life: From discussing workout shoes to “everything showers,” Leila adds humor and personal flavor.
• Audience Interaction: Leila’s genuine appreciation for audience feedback and uplifting comments is evident.

  “You’re such an inspiration to a young businesswoman.” (08:07, Audience Member)
  “Thank you so much for saying that. Thank you, guys.” (08:08, Leila)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Prepare for the unexpected. Nothing ever goes how you want it to go.” (00:00, Leila)
• “If I have a good friend who’s doing an event, I will drop everything to go speak if they ask me to. Because that’s just what friends do.” (00:40, Leila)
• “Anything you don’t talk about has power over you.” (03:22, Leila)
• “I’m not like everybody else. I’m me.” (03:40, Leila)
• “The only way I’ve known to increase my risk tolerance is just fucking doing it.” (15:12, Leila)
• “What do you want your day to day to look like, not how much money you want to make.” (13:37, Leila)
• “I just want you to listen. I don’t need you to help me solve anything.” (09:42, Leila)
• “Negotiate as a conversation: ‘What would it take for you to pay me $30 an hour, not $25?’” (18:40, Leila)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00-02:00: Opening reflections on speaking, nerves, and why Leila chooses certain events.
• 02:00-04:00: Adjusting to public recognition and online criticism as a woman in entrepreneurship.
• 04:00-06:30: Event preparations, restaurant anecdote, and the approach to presentations.
• 06:30-08:00: Leila shares her top three personal branding tips in response to an audience question.
• 08:00-09:30: Technical difficulties during the event and how Leila adapts.
• 09:30-11:00: Alex recounts Leila’s success at the event, and Leila discusses relationship communication.
• 11:00-15:00: Negotiation advice for jobs and employees, risk-taking, and anxiety management.
• 15:00-17:30: Quirky Airbnb story and embracing extreme discomfort for personal growth.
• 18:38-19:14: Role-playing a negotiation (“What would it take for you to pay me…”), lessons learned from unexpected situations.

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Conclusion

Leila's candid sharing turns a chronicle of travel, speaking, and everyday hurdles into powerful lessons for entrepreneurs and professionals alike. Her key message—embrace the unexpected, lean into discomfort, and stay true to yourself—provides both inspiration and practical advice. From online trolls to business negotiations, Leila models authenticity and resilience, making this episode a compelling listen for anyone building a brand, team, or career.

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Transcript

[Layla]

Prepare for the unexpected. Nothing ever goes how you want it to go. I was, like, about to hyperventilate. You're such an inspiration to a young business owner. Ladies and gentlemen, we do thank you very much for your attention. And now we invite you to sit back, relax, and enjoy the takeoff. Thank you. And again, welcome aboard. On this episode of the Hormozies. We are on our way to San Diego to speak at one of our good friends events. You know, I love San Diego. It's so nice. I mean, I feel like I'm meant to live in California. Hello, sweetie. You know, I like, like speaking. It's just really hard for me to justify taking the time to do it. But if I have a good friend who's doing an event, I will drop everything to go speak if they ask me to. Because that's just what friends do. Because I only have 20 minutes to do it. I can't make a 20 minute presentation. Because he was like, I want it to be like 20 minutes and like an hour of Q and A. Even though I really like speaking at a lot of events, even just one day of speaking can be three days of travel, two days that you can't take meetings. I just get like, I won't, like, stay up, but I'll just have nightmares. Yesterday I had a little nightmare. If I told you the nightmare, you'd be like, that is so fucking weird. And the monster was trying to kill us and it looked like a dead zombie. I just prefer peaceful dreams. I think normally a keynote is like an hour long. You're like, speaking at the thing. But he asked Alex to speak. And then Alex and I were like, all right, we'll be there. And then he was like, oh, my God, you're coming. I didn't even think you would want to come. You speak. And I was like, yeah, but a lot of my stuff is not as relevant for people who are, like, newer in their business career, you know, because, like, how many agents have, like, teams and management things to deal with and like, all that kind of stuff? Like, not as many. And so we talked about just having me speak at. Speak to a room of what you want to call it, like 100 people? I think it is. Yeah.

[Alex]

How's it going? You're good, man. What's up?

[Layla]

I just.

[Event Organizer]

Listen, I wanted to get a live the game show right here. I'm a Treasury founder from Nebraska.

[Layla]

I don't do as well when, like, he was following. You know, it can be weird at times when people stop you because, you know, as A woman. For most of my life, if somebody goes to stop me on the street, it's not for anything good. They don't even say hi to me. Most of them. I. I hear them say my name. It's always mentioned, and they don't want to say hi. You know what I mean? It's like most of the time they're just like, I'll leave her alone. But then when they do, it's like, I get why they don't. Because it's awkward. It's like, I followed you and I'm a man. It's like I say I'm a fan. It's like, how do I know? And so I've had to really recontextualize and recondition myself to be okay with, like, random men coming up to me on the street. I think I don't mind it at all. I love hearing the stories of people sharing, like, how the brand has helped them, how the content we put out has helped them. Like, I love that. And I want people to keep coming up to me, and it's just something I have to adjust to. So if you've ever come up to me and I've run away, I'm sorry. And now I feel like I have a lot more people that are advocates for me or positive leave nicer comments. I think it was so shitty in the beginning. Whenever anyone starts to go post on social media, we probably have a set of assumptions of what people are going to say about us. Like, generally put me down because I'm talking about male concepts that are like more of a male audience I'd be watching and interested in. Like, it felt like for me specifically, it was really shitty in the beginning. Just shitty. I didn't expect people to talk about how I look, how deep my voice is. But through that, like, being shitty in the beginning, I think I, like, learned so many skills to manage how to deal with judgment from others. I have come to realize is that one not talking about it and being ashamed of what people say about you on the Internet doesn't help because I think anything you don't talk about has power over you. The second piece to it is that I just realized I actually agree with a lot of people. People like where they say that I'm like a trans woman. You know, it used to shock me, but then I looked at myself and I was like, I mean, you're talking about business. You have really strong features. You have a very deep voice. Like, you are different. I think it just took me admitting to myself that I'm not like everybody else. I'm me. I've gotten to a point where it's like, I can read all the comments again and see bad comments and shit people say and not be affected by it. And that feels like an incredibly useful skill. Thank you for calling Huntress Steakhouse. Amy speaking.

[Alex]

How can we help you, Amy, how are you today? Quick question for you. I have reservation at 7:30, and I am curious, what's the dress code?

[Layla]

So Alex and I are getting ready for dinner now, and he has to call because, like, most of the time, we go to a lot of, like, nice restaurants. I would say most of the time, people are cool with his outfit that he wears, but 5% of the time, somebody's really rude and tells him to, like, go change or get pants, so he has to call ahead of time to see if he can actually get in with what he's wearing. You know, this restaurant was actually cool with it. So that was great because we didn't have to go home to change.

[Alex]

Where you going to Layla? Are you walking to Huntress or are you walking to Pendry?

[Layla]

I actually love these things.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah. Glad we didn't have to walk this.

[Layla]

Have a good night. Did you hear the music last night while I hit the pillow? I was like, there's no way I'm gonna fall asleep. And then I was just like, I don't like doing anything late the night before speech. Even, like, dinner. Like, I was like, it was way too late for me. Like, I feel awful today. You can start whenever. He basically was like, they want to be able to ask you questions more than they want you to talk with them. And I was like, yeah, that's fair. What can I teach you in 17 minutes? Except I should just. You know what I'm saying? Whoa, that looks really good. Oh, thank you guys so much. All right, I'll get changed. So intimidating. Mic Square.

[Alex]

Camp Square.

[Layla]

I know where we're going at every. What's up? How's it going?

[Event Organizer]

Good.

[Layla]

Yeah.

[Event Organizer]

Alex murdered it.

[Layla]

I expect no less. I don't know if I'm gonna get through all the seven, so I might just, like, hone in on a couple that are the best. Well, you wanted more Q and A, though, than the.

[Event Organizer]

Yeah, My suggestion, It's cool with you guys. Do your things for 30 minutes, and then we do questions for, like, 20, and then let's last five to seven minutes. If they can just literally, y' all just be Barbie and can and they just take pictures with you and they will be See what happens.

[Layla]

I'm going to just set a timer. I'm going to say, whatever I get through, I get through, and then we're going to go into Q.

[Event Organizer]

All right, let me get the crew ready. You're not getting mic up already?

[Layla]

If I was a handheld, that would be really good.

[Event Organizer]

Very good friends. They're great entrepreneurs, and they're just amazing humans. And she's doing this as a personal favorite, us to be here. So let's give it up for my family.

[Layla]

What do you recommend? Like, your top three advices for 1. Building personal brand. Top pieces of advice. I mean, the first one, whether you're building it for your business or just because you want to build one, I would say, is make content that you want to see out there. My best content always comes from making content that I wish that I could watch myself. And then whenever I make content, that is what I would want to see out there. That's when it tends to do the best. The second piece is, I would say, like, never pretend. Tend to try and be an expert on something or another way of saying that is making content that only you could make. And then if I had to go to a third one, I would say that it is preferable that you make content in a way that is sustainable for you. If it feels shitty to make it, if it feels gross, if it feels not good in any way, it will become a very punishing experience and you'll eventually want to stop. I think that going into it with the mindset of, like, if this, quote, quarter content goes down because I need to focus somewhere else in my business, that's okay. And I think the only reason, like, I've been able to make content and actually run and grow a business is because of that. And so I think a lot of times, if you want to win, it's just figuring out how to not lose.

[Event Organizer]

Can we give that for Leon?

[Layla]

You were such an inspiration to a young businesswoman. Thank you so much for saying that. Thank you, guys. Oh, my gosh. Thank you guys for having us. Everyone on your team has been great. We did have some kind of technical issues while the speech was starting, but, you know, it ended up actually going really well. Well, I did feel thrown, to be honest. It's not like they want that to happen. You know, it's not like things like that haven't happened at events that we've hosted. I, like, couldn't think. Like, I was just, like, distracted by the everything happening on stage. If you do more events, you'll know that like, nothing ever goes exactly as planned. There's always stuff that goes off, especially when you have an event with thousands and thousands of people. It's just really impossible to have everything go smooth as butter. I think it's like, I used to get so frustrated with that stuff, but now it's just like, nothing ever goes how you want it to go. Prepare for the unexpected. But I think it was actually really good because then we were able to do more Q and A, which I think a lot of times people can watch me on YouTube, they can go watch my content. They can't ask me a personal question, even though I like to do presentations, because I, for some reason, feel like it's delivering more value. I know logically that answering someone's personal question is probably more valuable at the event. They almost said you weren't gonna have your slides. And I was like. And there was like, 2,000 people. Like, I did not feel good about that at all. And I think Caleb was the only person that knew I was, like, about to hyperventilate. Don't worry about it. And everyone else is like, layla, can you tell me about. Blah, blah. And I was like, listen, like, this stuff happens at events.

[Alex]

Layla murdered. It did a Q and a with the 30 highest producers out of 12,000. So that was a cool thing. She got talked about building teams, and she was a champ because they had a bunch of technical difficulties, but she just was unfazed because that's who she is.

[Layla]

Have you read the book Love and Respect? It talks about, like, men want to solve problems and women want to be heard and listened. So it's just like, ever since we got that frame, I was just like, it's so much easier because, like, every time I tell him something, he's like, ah, you need to do something. Like, I don't want you to do anything. I'm fucking capable. I'm like, I just want you to listen. And I feel much better after. Yeah. Men and women want different things from each other. And I think a couple things, which is like, knowing what your spouse wants out of a relationship with you. And the second is not expecting to get everything you want from one person. And then when I'm with him, usually he wants me to do something. Then I'm like, you know, but if I just try to listen, I'm like, do you want my opinion? He's like, yes. Like, our society specifically places a lot of stress on relationships by making it up. Like, these two people need to be the everything for each other. But I think that the smartest relationships not only make sure they understand what each person wants from each other, but then have networks of other people that they involve in their lives that they can get other things from. So it's not all put onto the spouse. I just want you to listen. I don't need you to help me solve anything. I just would love you to listen. What's up?

[Alex]

Okay.

[Layla]

I think that that book helped me realize one, I need to constantly know what Alex wants from me. Ask and then say, like, is that what I want to be giving? And then also knowing when something goes beyond the scope of what you ask a spouse to do or be for you, I think a lot of people just ask their spouse to be the things that other people can be for them as well. An everything shower. He's like, what the fuck is that? I was like, I'm gonna scrub myself, I'm gonna deep cleanse, I'm gonna do my exfoliation, I'm gonna exfoliate my lips, I'm gonna teeth whiten, I'm gonna scalp scrub, and I'm gonna blank and I'm gonna do all in the shower at the same time. And you come out and you're like, let's go, world. I'm feeling good. Thank you. This is a guy everything. You know, for some reason I really like the Nike metcons for walking. I actually am like the fucking worst when it comes to shoes keeping up. Like, if you go look at my tennis shoes at home right now, they're beat the fuck up. They are used, they have not been replaced in like two years. And I walk a fuck ton. I just always forget to buy them. It's weird, right? It's like I keep up on like my cute shoes, but when it comes to like my tennis shoes, like, I literally, I go to the gym, I have like a whole like nice outfit and everything. And then just these fucking busted ass shoes. I don't know why. You know, I think at the end of the day, like, most people are never taught this stuff because of that. I think that they don't know how to handle some of the situations. You know, the uncertainty of will I find a job? Will I not? What should I accept? What should I not? When I'm hiring somebody, it's like, I'm never gonna find somebody who's perfect. They're never gonna fit 100% of the criteria I want. And if they did, they probably wouldn't stay very long because what upward growth do I have to offer them if, like, this is everything that they've ever wanted. And I think it goes the same for when you're finding a job. You have to figure out what pieces will you negotiate on and that are flexible and then which pieces are not flexible. And you have to be reasonable. Like no job is perfect, just like no employee is perfect. And I think the same goes for when you're looking for a job. It's just, am I willing to compromise on these pieces and what can I do to make up for it? You know, what am I going to be able to do maybe at the job that maybe one day these things that are I don't get on day one, I'll get on day 30. I think that when it comes to like job hunting and negotiation, it's something that people don't do frequently. So people often aren't very skilled at it because they don't do it often. It's not like every month you go look for a new job. Like the feedback cycle of like, okay, I learned this through three years ago. Like one, the likelihood you're going to remember the thing you learned is low. And then two, the likelihood you're going to increase your skill of being able to find and negotiate a job is again low. I think in terms of what are you going to negotiate on? I think you have to start with the question of what do you want your day to day to look like, not how much money you want to make. Because I think your day to day as an employee is going to affect your happiness more than the income. And what are your goals? Are those two things aligned? Because sometimes people have the goals of being like a multi six figure earner, but they assume they're never going to work weekends and they're never going to have nights. And it's like the reality of like people who make a lot of money is usually there is at some point in time sacrifice given. And so I think you have to decide what your objective is with the job and then based on that, what makes sense to give flex to. And so it's unlikely that one person is going to change how they do business and how they employ people. So it makes more sense to be more intentional with where you look to be employed. I think a lot of people, if they just wrote down the things that what are your goals with this job? What are the things that you want to do on a daily basis, they would have a much easier time picking a job. But a lot of people just don't know how. And so I think that more people just need to be told what to do in those situations, because there's a very low level of education around it. So I think if you think about it like that, it helps pretty much it down a little bit better. I think the word negotiating is such, like, an ick to it. I don't even like the word. I think it's just like discussing expectations. And there's a price for different expectations and there's a price for different amounts of work. And it doesn't make sense to get exploited in a company by them hiring you for one thing and you doing a million other things. When it comes to negotiating, I think that most people get very uncomfortable and they avoid having those conversations on the forefront, then delay them until they're later on in the organization. And I think that it's just better to have them up front. The right employers like us will do, right? And be like, oh, you're doing way more. Like, we should probably give you a raise. But, like, a lot of places don't do that. And so it's like, you should just up front be like, I will do all of these things as well. This costs more because it takes more time and more of my attention. Therefore, I should be paid more because this is not in the job description. I think there's a lot of times in my business career, in fact, more. More times than not, where I have been met with a lot of anxiety about something. It's risk. At some point in your life, you have to take a risk. And if something looks like it's gaining a lot of momentum, taking off, I just think, like, logic, logically speaking, does this make sense? And then evidence. Is there evidence to support that this is going to succeed? A lot of times people can talk a big game and get people really hyped up emotionally about an opportunity, but at the end of the day, just look at the evidence. In the beginning, when we first started company, I remember, like, how anxious I would be running meeting. I only felt anxious because I'd just never done it before. And I felt like there had to be this, like, magic formula as to how to do it correctly rather than just continuing to try and try and try. I've always felt, like, intense, paralyzing anxiety, but reality is, it's not actually paralyzing. But at the end of the day, like, you're gonna have to take some risk. The only way that I've known to increase my risk tolerance is just fucking doing it. And every time you lean into it and you do more of it, you feel less afraid. Whenever there's Something I'm anxious about, I don't want it to have power over me. I didn't want that to control my life because I thought of like the big vision of what my life should look like. So might as well do it now because I'm not gonna be less anxious tomorrow to leave the hotel. You can't do a mini Frappuccino. Pumpkin spice Frappuccino. When things go in a way that we didn't expect them to go. What it is actually that causes so much of the contention is that we argue with reality. I stayed in this Airbnb with five like grown up men. Why? Because there was nothing. It was fucking the cheapest thing we could find. It was weird as fuck. One day I got up and I would get up like 4am to meal prep and I couldn't find the foil. I'm like looking for it and I get a text and I was like, who the fuck's texting me at 4am? And it's the owner of the house who's never there. They're not like, they're not in the Airbnb. And she goes, what are you looking for? And I was like, what? And she goes, it's to the left in the cabinet. And I was like, what the. And I was like, I guess she's watching. Started looking around. They had like hidden cameras in the whole house. So weird. Yeah. Remember that I can't control everything. And I think that part of it is just embracing the unfortunate events as they come and also just asking like, what's good about this? And you know that situation where I was in that house with all those guys, with people I didn't know and it felt very weird. It also made me a lot more tough. Dude, I hate. Honestly, it was so uncomfortable, but I was so, like, I literally left every day at 6am and I would shower at the gym and everything. And I would get home, I would go eat dinner at 9pm, Subway, make my calls, come back at 10 and just be like exhausted and go to bed. So I just never, I was never there, you know, just to sleep. I think that that's my way of just embracing reality. Something is happening and we are saying instead of that I've created this default in my mind where I just go into, like, just bathe in it. Bathe in the anxiety or the frustration or the anger or whatever emotion is brought to surfaced by that event. Just lean into it.

[Alex]

How would you counter if you're applying for a job?

[Layla]

I said, what would it take for you to pay me $30 an hour, not $25 an hour, because they might say, we can't. It's not in the budget. Or they might say, like, it might mess up their whole pay structure. So it's like, ask the reason why. And then if the reason is like, well, here's these other things that you don't have, then she. Then she could counter and be like, actually, these are things I do have that weren't cited in any of our interviews that you didn't know about. But if it's not about her, which there's a 50%, maybe 60% chance it's not, then it would be. It would be. It's just unnecessary.

[Alex]

But by asking that way, it doesn't hurt.

[Layla]

Yeah.

[Alex]

What would it take? Rather than, I demand this.

[Layla]

I think a lot of unexpected situations can turn into really valuable lessons. And you can overcome it. You can turn it into something good. I do, too. I'm happy to be back. Oh, God. Sabina's like, I'm ready for party later.