← Build with Leila Hormozi
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He's like, it's such a shame because you have such a good face and you're so cool, but you're just so fat now. And I remember just being, like, so shocked because I was, like, huge. By the age of 19, I allowed myself to get nearly 100 pounds overweight. Today, I want to share with you how I got there, what I did to get out of there, and how I ultimately ended up losing the weight and placing second in a national bikini competition. So if you're in a spot where you feel like you don't know what to do, maybe it's losing weight or any bad habit that's gotten the best of you. I hope that this story applies to you and can help you. So I want to preface with this is that I don't blame any part of my childhood for why I got overweight later on in my life, but I wanted to add it in here for context, for people. The first time my life where, like, food or my weight or, like, anything, like, that was, like, a thought to me. It started very young because I was pretty chubby. I remember people in my family calling me overweight and fat. I remember kids calling me overweight and fat and thinking to myself, like, oh, wow, I am actually pretty overweight. Like, as a kid. Like, I look at other girls, and I would be like, wow, they're a lot smaller than me. Not to mention, I'm also a little taller. So, like, that didn't feel good either. I just felt like I was just a big. When I got into high school, I actually started Googling how to lose weight. Like, I remember thinking, like, I want to learn how to get in shape. I want to be healthy. Like, when I go into high school, I don't want to feel like I'm fat. Still, what happens is what happens for a lot of people, which is, like, the first time that you try even, like, remotely to eat a little bit less, eat, make better choices, the weight comes off fairly easily. And so around that time, when I was 13, I remember I finally lost maybe, like, 12 or 13 pounds. I got my braces off. I got my glasses off. I learned how to do my hair. I finally felt good about myself. People actually liked me. Boys would come up to me. They would ask me on dates. Like, I felt good. I was getting a lot of positive reinforcement for the way that I looked. I started learning how to work out. I started learning how to run. I started doing a lot more sports and activities. It got to a point where after my first breakup, when I was 15. I remember I took it way too far. I remember thinking like, I need to get so super skinny super fast. I got to a point where I remember I was eating one bowl of Cheerios and plain chicken breasts every day and running about eight miles. My parents were like, are you okay? Like, what's going on? Wanted to get me into therapy and all this stuff. It all came to a head actually on its own. It was at my friend's birthday party. She had this huge cake sitting out. We're at the party and I remember like I took one bite of the cake and it was like downhill from there. I took like half the cake and ate it in private in her room. That was the moment that I realized that that was not sustainable. And I couldn't keep doing that to myself. Like, I knew something was wrong. I knew that wasn't healthy. And so I turned it around. The rest of my high school career, I was just really healthy. Until college came. It was probably the most freedom I felt in my whole life. I moved out of my parents house. I had a job, so I had money. And I had all these people in grades above me inviting me to parties, inviting me to do stuff, inviting me to go do things. All of the control and all of the structure I'd put into place around my food and my diet just like went out the window. I was at like a cafeteria, had unlimited food. You could literally get whatever you wanted. Four nights of the week I was drinking. And then we like end up getting Taco Bell and burritos and like all sorts of food when you're drunk. I started noticing that I was gaining weight, but I was like, I still look good enough that it was like not, not painful enough to be a problem. It started spiraling more and more. I would drink not to feel stress, and then I would eat to combat the guilt from drinking, not to feel stress. That coupled with another breakup, actually went the opposite direction. So it's like the breakup I'd had in high school. I ended up eating like nothing. This breakup, I end up just getting super fat. I think I was like 222 pounds or like something around there. People like, do you have more pictures? Like, I avoided the camera. I hated how I looked. I didn't want to be in front of a camera. I didn't even look in the mirror naked. I would avoid the mirror every day. I had the thought you could start tomorrow. You say that to yourself enough times and you just continue down that path. If you're not getting better, what Are you getting. You're getting worse? And that is what continued to happen. And so if you've ever gotten to that point in your life before where it's like, who am I? How did I allow this to happen to myself? Like, how did I get here? That is exactly what I was thinking at that point in time. Up to that point, I kind of just avoided seeing anyone from high school. I knew I'd gotten fat. I knew that I'd gained a lot of weight, and I didn't want to see anybody. And I remember it was my friend's birthday, and she was like, well, I want to invite all these people from high school. And I was like, oh, yes, you want to invite everyone from high school. That makes sense, since they're your friends. Yes, of course you want to invite them. And of course I should be there because I'm your best friend. I'll drink enough that I won't be super anxious when I'm there. Time goes on, and then it comes up to the time of the party. I get there, and nobody from high school is there yet. We start playing beer pong. I start drinking, and I get, like, enough of a buzz that I feel like, okay, if somebody walks in, I'm not, like, terribly uncomfortable. It feels fine. People are nice. They're like, it's so good to see you. Like, it was, like, all positive. And I felt like, oh, my God, thank God. Like, nobody said anything. Or, like, there's no, like, weirdness. Then I went to the back of her condo at the time to go to the bathroom, and there was a guy there from my high school. I walked past him, and he whispered something, and I was like, what'd you say? Because he kind of mumbled something under his breath. What is that you said? And he was like, oh, I was just saying, it's such a shame. I was like, it's such a shame. And he was like, well, he's like, it's such a shame because you have such a good face and you're so cool, but you're just so fat now. And I remember in that moment just sheer horror. Like, I still feel, like, tightness in my stomach thinking about it today, because it was just, like, so humiliating. So humiliating. And the humiliation, like, quickly turned to rage, and I was like, fuck this. Fuck this. I'm done. I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not. I'm not living this life anymore. Like, I'm so over this. When he said that to me, what was so enraging was my personal, like, What I said to myself after he said that to me, which was, yeah, he's right. It wasn't like, oh, fuck you. It wasn't like your Visa shit. You're that. I'm, like, just pointing out the obvious. It was literally the next day. I remember, like, I went to bed that night, and I woke up, and I was like, I'm done. Everything changes today. And so a lot of people say, like, negative emotions and getting rid of them. Fuck that. This worked for me. My anger was so useful in that moment because I was so fed up with myself that I was motivated to change. And I think that you're either motivated to change because you're so desperate to get out of where you are, or you're so drawn to the future and the hopeful thing that you feel pulled to do. So there was no hopeful future for me. I just felt like shit where I was at. I changed everything I did. I set up my alarm to get up early to work out every day. I just remember being terrified to go to the gym. And that's why I joined, like, A Planet Fitness, because I felt like it was the least intimidating gym I would go to. Losing the first £20, why was it not that hard? I was so fat that I was not hungry. What I didn't realize is things were about to get a lot harder pretty quickly. I did not have any support. I started to feel this, like, intense divide between me and the people that I had surrounded myself with for so long. And it honestly just started to feel, like, incredibly lonely. I remember I got to a point where I'd lost £40 on my own, and I was like, holy shit. It was at that point that I said, I think I want more support. It wasn't that I needed guidance necessarily. I just want somebody to talk to. I actually signed up with an online coach to do my nutrition and my workouts. He gave me my plan. And a lot of people, like, how much cardio were you doing? How much? How little were you eating? All this? It was nothing crazy. It was just, like, very healthy calorie intake, lifting five times a week, four times a week, and making sure I got enough walking in. After six months of working with him, I think I'd lost another about 3:30 pounds. And he posted. I remember, like, a before and after of me in the Facebook group where he had all of his clients. And I remember, like, the amount of recognition I got was insane. Like, I was like, these are the kind of people I want to be surrounded with. Like, people who are encouraging Me. They're telling me, what a good job. They're telling me, you're killing it. They're like, you look amazing. Like, I remember crying because I was just, like, so happy. I was like, nobody's told me that in so long. And I remember one of the things they kept saying is they were like, you should really consider that competing in a bikini competition. And I was like, a bikini competition? Like, I'm just trying not to be fat. A lot of people in the group were starting to do it, but I got on, like, a Skype with one of the girls who. She did, like, figure competitions, and I asked her about it, and she actually had lost, like, 50 pounds and done a competition. So I was like, shit, if she can do it, so can I. I remember I was so terrified, I asked my coach to talk, and I was like, I want to do a competition. And she was like, let's do it. Okay. We want to do a show in a year. And so what that meant was I needed to actually back off a little bit. I started training a little less. I started eating a little more. Until my coach was like, okay, now we want to diet you down for, like, a show. I never ate an abysmal amount of food. I never did hours and hours of cardio. Like, I didn't do it the unhealthy way. I wanted it for the process. Like, I want to do this the right way, even if it takes me longer. Yes, it was tough to eat boring food at times and do workouts when you don't feel like it. I think that's tough for anybody, right? But the hardest part for me was the posing. I hated looking at myself in a mirror, even though I'd lost all this weight. Like, I couldn't comprehend that I was in shape. Like, I constantly was like, oh, I'm fat. Like, all I could see was fat. So it was like this disassociation with myself learning how to be okay and accept myself, like, in a bikini. That was so much harder mentally than any other piece of the process. I continued on, and it got closer and closer up to show. And I remember that started getting really hard because it was balancing everything I had going on. Like, I was selling training clients. I was training myself. I was doing cardio. I was posing. And I remember being so stressed because I got the bill for, like, my bikini and my tan and my makeup and the posing coach and all this stuff. And I remember thinking, like, fuck, I have no money. And I was in the car, driving back to my apartment, and A cop stopped me, pulled me over. He pulled me over because I was looking at my bank account balance on my phone to see if I had enough money for gas. And I just remember I broke down in tears and I showed him my phone, and I was like, I was checking my bank account because I have no money and I'm doing a show and I have to pay for it. I'm all alone. I'm in this stupid, expensive apartment in California because apparently I need to be here to be successful. And I just went off. He didn't actually end up giving me the ticket. I've never cried to a cop before, but I think I was so hungry and tired. It just like it happened. But I knew that I wanted to keep going. The reason I was doing this was not so I could look like a bikini competitor. It was almost like ceremonial of becoming a new person. And so as show day got closer and closer, that was what I was thinking. I was just like, don't, like, die of a panic attack. Like, don't be terrible. Just step on the stage in bikini and just do your thing. And so the day came, and I remember I had to get up at 5am I had to, like, do a carb up. You have to eat rice and plain rice cakes, which tastes awful, so that you look good on stage. Your muscles are full. I got my tan done, got my makeup done, put on the bikini. And then you show up at the venue, and then you just wait for, like, four hours. So I remember waiting backstage and that just being awful because, one, you're trying not to mess up anything because your entire body is painted. I remember just feeling so out of place, like, so insecure. Like, all these people around, these beautiful girls that are in such good shape. And I was like, you're the people I've been terrified of my whole life. And I was in the same room as them. And it was weird to me. Finally the time came. It was noon, and they called me on stage. It was literally to that point in my life, I think, the most terrifying thing that I had done. I stepped on stage, and the lights were so bright that I couldn't really see anybody. And I just remember uncontrollably shaking. There's no way people don't see this. Like, I don't even know what happened. It was like I didn't know I'd come over me. Just complete terror. And the crazy thing is that I stepped off stage and I. It was like I blacked out. Like, I didn't know what happened. I Didn't even know if I did the routine. Like, I was like, did I get up there and just stand there? Did I do the routine? Like, I just didn't know. And so I remember I left the stage thinking, like, I think I bombed it. And I remember my friend standing there and she was like, dude, you killed it. She gave me a high five. She's like, you did it. Just like, you've done all the. You looked great. Like, you didn't even miss a step. And I was like, oh, my God. I, like, couldn't believe it. I thought that there was no way that I had actually completed that routine. And I remember thinking, okay, but there's all these other girls. They're in such good shape. They're. They're so good at this. I think look amazing. They have great routines. Like, I'm sure I'm not going to get called for finals. And I remember I got called for finals. I'm competing in California. There's a huge class of girls. And so I was like, there's just no way that I'm going to place anything. I remember I made it tonight show. And we got on the stage, you stand up there and you're just, like, sucking it in as hard as possible. Like, tensing all your muscles, and they're calling everybody. I started noticing that I was one of the only ones left on stage. And I remember just being, like, so shocked because I couldn't believe that I was one of the last people left standing because they're all prettier than me and they're all in better shape than me. And, like, I used to be fat. Just like a year and a half ago. Like, I was, like, huge. Like, how am I here? And I remember finally when they started handing out the trophies, they called me, and I got second, not just in my class, but overall. And I just remember complete disbelief. Like, it was. It was insane. My goal was just to get on the stage. It wasn't to accomplish anything. It wasn't to place first. Like, it just wasn't that. It was just to get on the stage. There's gotta be. There's a mistake here. Like, I don't get it. Like, that was the moment. I remember I stepped off the stage, and the crazy thing was that I felt no different than before. You know, I think a lot of people think, like, once you do the big thing that you set out to do, it's like everything changes after this moment. And it didn't. Like, you wake up the next day, you do the same thing. As you did the day before, and you feel pretty much the same way you felt before. You're just a little more confident and a little more convicted in your ability to do something. I wouldn't have been the person that could accomplish starting a new business if I hadn't chosen to do that. I learned how to be patient. I learned how to be tolerant. I learned how to be persistent, how to delay gratification. I wanted to make this to inspire anybody who is going through a hard time. Maybe it's that you need to lose weight. Maybe it's like you need to stop smoking. Maybe it's you need to stop drinking. Whatever it is, it is completely possible. And I think that oftentimes the things that stop us from doing that is that we overcomplicate it. We're always waiting for the perfect time. And oftentimes we're also not creating and incentivizing enough reason for ourselves to change. You can't avoid the hardness like you can't avoid the hard time. The hard time is where you create the skill to overcome the thing so that you can move on with your life and become the person you've always wanted to be.