Podcast Summary: Build with Leila Hormozi – "How To Be Kind, Not Nice" | Ep 214

Title: How To Be Kind, Not Nice
Host: Leila Hormozi
Release Date: December 4, 2024
Podcast Description: Leila Hormozi, a renowned entrepreneur who scaled businesses to over $100M by the age of 28 and is now growing acquisition.com into a billion-dollar portfolio, shares invaluable lessons on building unshakeable businesses. In this episode, she delves into the critical distinction between being a kind leader versus being a nice leader, drawing from her personal experiences and insights.

Introduction

In Episode 214 of Build with Leila Hormozi, titled "How To Be Kind, Not Nice," Leila explores the nuanced differences between niceness and kindness in leadership. She emphasizes that while being nice is often associated with being liked, being kind is about earning respect and fostering genuine growth within a business.

Niceness vs. Kindness: Defining the Terms

Leila begins by highlighting a tweet that encapsulates her current mindset:

"Niceness is what you do to be liked. Kindness is what you do to be respected. Nice is a social standard. Kind is a moral standard." (00:42)

She reflects on her early years in business, recognizing that her focus on being nice—aiming to keep the peace and avoid conflict—ultimately hindered her ability to make tough decisions necessary for business growth.

Key Differences:

• Nice Leaders:

  • Driven by a desire to be liked.
  • Avoid conflict and tough conversations.
  • Aim to make everyone happy.
  • Focus on short-term harmony over long-term success.
  • Often perceived as inauthentic, leading to a loss of respect.

• Kind Leaders:

  • Driven by a desire to earn respect.
  • Embrace honest communication and constructive feedback.
  • Prioritize long-term growth and integrity over immediate comfort.
  • Establish clear boundaries and uphold company values.
  • Lead with empathy without compromising judgment.

The Hidden Costs of Being Nice

Leila outlines the detrimental impacts of niceness in leadership:

1. Avoidance of Hard Decisions:

   • Nice leaders often shy away from necessary confrontations, leading to unresolved issues and stagnation.

2. Short-Term Focus:

   • Prioritizing immediate satisfaction can sacrifice future performance and long-term success.

3. Loss of Respect:

   • Overemphasis on niceness can make leaders appear inauthentic, eroding trust within the team.

4. Stifled Growth:

   • Without honest feedback, individuals and the organization as a whole may fail to reach their full potential.

"Nice doesn't win games. Nice doesn't drive things forward. Nice isn't really honest. Kind is." (08:35)

Embracing Kindness in Leadership

Leila shares her personal mantra, "sharp mind, kind heart, strong will," emphasizing her commitment to kindness over niceness. She elaborates on the attributes of kind leadership:

1. Authenticity and Courage:

   • Kind leaders communicate honestly, even when the truth is uncomfortable, building long-term trust.

2. Empathy Without Compromise:

   • Understanding team members' perspectives while maintaining clear standards and making objective decisions.

3. Setting Boundaries:

   • Clearly defining expectations and upholding company values without appeasing everyone.

4. Long-Term Focus:

   • Prioritizing sustainable growth and the long-term health of the business over short-term ease.

"Being kind isn't comfortable. Being kind is actually uncomfortable because you're pushing people to be better, you're pushing yourself to be better." (36:56)

Real-World Examples and Personal Anecdotes

Leila narrates a pivotal experience that solidified her understanding of kind leadership. She recounts a situation where a department leader, Susie, prioritized being nice over being kind, resulting in overhiring and a lack of meaningful work for employees. This led to:

• Employee Resignations:

  • Team members like Susie felt ethically compelled to leave due to lack of work, undermining the department's effectiveness.

• Reputation as a Leader:

  • Leila had to take the unpopular role of reorganizing the department, facing backlash despite making the right decisions for the company's future.

"Being nice often results in actually being mean in the long run because you actually sabotage your company and the people in it by being too nice." (26:15)

This experience taught Leila the importance of:

• Honest Communication:

  • Addressing issues head-on rather than avoiding them for the sake of niceness.

• Maintaining Standards:

  • Ensuring that all team members are aligned with the company's mission and values.

• Accepting Unpopularity:

  • Understanding that making tough decisions may not always be well-received but are essential for growth.

Transitioning from Nice to Kind Leadership

Leila provides actionable steps for leaders aiming to shift from being nice to being kind:

1. Prioritize Honesty Over Keeping the Peace:

   • Foster a culture where truthful communication is valued, even if it leads to temporary discomfort.

   "The more honest you are with your team, the more that they normalize and habituate to you being honest." (23:45)

2. Set Clear Boundaries:

   • Define and uphold company standards and values consistently, ensuring that all team members understand and adhere to them.

3. Lead with Empathy, Not by Empathy:

   • Use empathy as a tool for better communication without allowing it to cloud judgment or hinder decision-making.

4. Focus on the Long Term:

   • Embrace uncomfortable decisions today for the sake of long-term business health and team growth.

The Impact of Kind Leadership on Business and Team Growth

By embodying kindness, leaders can:

• Build Trust:

  • Honest and respectful interactions foster a trustworthy environment where team members feel valued.

• Encourage Growth:

  • Constructive feedback and challenging conversations lead to personal and professional development.

• Enhance Organizational Health:

  • Clear boundaries and aligned values create a cohesive and high-performing team.

• Secure Long-Term Success:

  • Prioritizing sustainable practices over immediate comfort ensures enduring business resilience.

"Your job as a CEO or founder is to grow the business so that everybody else within it can grow it is to grow the business so that there's job security for everyone in it is to grow the business so that everyone can grow their careers." (46:30)

Conclusion

In this insightful episode, Leila Hormozi makes a compelling case for the importance of kindness over niceness in leadership. Through personal anecdotes and clear distinctions, she illustrates how kindness fosters respect, trust, and long-term growth, whereas niceness may provide short-term harmony but ultimately undermines the organization's success. Leaders are encouraged to embrace honesty, set firm boundaries, lead with empathy, and focus on the long-term well-being of both their teams and their businesses.

Leila challenges listeners to reflect on their leadership styles:

"Ask yourself today, what decisions are you not making because you prioritize being nice over being kind?" (50:15)

By adopting a kind leadership approach, leaders can build unshakeable businesses that not only thrive but also empower their teams to achieve their fullest potential.

Notable Quotes:

• "Niceness is what you do to be liked. Kindness is what you do to be respected." (00:42)
• "Nice doesn't win games. Nice doesn't drive things forward. Nice isn't really honest. Kind is." (08:35)
• "Being kind isn't comfortable. Being kind is actually uncomfortable because you're pushing people to be better, you're pushing yourself to be better." (36:56)
• "Your job as a CEO or founder is to grow the business so that everybody else within it can grow it is to grow the business so that there's job security for everyone in it is to grow the business so that everyone can grow their careers." (46:30)
• "Ask yourself today, what decisions are you not making because you prioritize being nice over being kind?" (50:15)

Final Thoughts:

Leila Hormozi's Build podcast offers a profound exploration of leadership dynamics, urging leaders to choose kindness over niceness to cultivate respectful, high-performing teams and resilient businesses. Her candid recounting of personal challenges and strategic insights provides a valuable roadmap for entrepreneurs and business leaders striving to build unshakeable enterprises.