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What's up, guys? And welcome back to Build. And today I want to talk about how to get through hard times. Not from theory, and not because I think it's trending, but because this is literally what I was actually thinking about this morning, and I started writing down different thoughts that I had, mostly because I have two people in my life who are going through really hard times, and they're both very strong and very hardworking and amazing people, and I love them both so much, but they are going through some of the hardest times of their life. And I started thinking about this last year for me and how much I learned from it, and I'm still learning from it because I would say that this last year was one of the hardest times in my life. Having to deal with health challenges that I had never dealt with before. Having to have surgery, still not being able to do things that I used to do and that used to just, you know, I used to probably take advantage of. And so I started thinking about how all hard times, though, they all show up differently in our lives. They have the opportunity or we have the opportunity to learn similar things from them. And so if you're listening to this right now and you're in a season where everything feels shitty, it just feels hard, it's confusing, it is lonely. I am making this for you because I think that in those times, it's one, really important that we don't feel that way, and two, that we are reminded that that is part of the human experience and it doesn't last forever. Which actually brings me to the first point that I wrote down. And this literally just popped into my head as I was thinking about it. I'll tell you what actually happened. So this morning, I went to the gym, and, you know, I still am very limited in what I can do because of the surgery I had. So I cannot do as much lower body movement as easily. And it's. When I do do it, I have to go pretty slow and controlled, and it's. It's just discouraging. And so I was in the gym, and I like to go at a time that nobody's there right now because I'm so embarrassed by the fact that, like, I used to just, you know, lift hundreds and hundreds of pounds and get after it. And I'm, you know, doing these very slow exercises and warming up for 30 minutes and, you know, barely able to lift, and I feel out of shape, and I don't feel like myself. And I was in there, and I was watching everybody else just, like, mindlessly work out. And. And I asked myself. I was like, ugh, I just wanna leave. And I was like, okay, no. What are you feeling right now? And I was like, I'm feeling sad because I wish that this wasn't happening. I'm so sick of this. I don't wanna feel this way. I don't want this to be a thing. I just wanna be. Feel like myself again. And then it's like my brain just had this thought pop up. And all that popped up for me was, hard time doesn't mean hard forever. Hard time doesn't mean hard forever. And I was like, fuck, it's so true. Cause, like, when you're in it, and, like, even for me right now, it feels permanent. It feels like this is who you are now. Like, you're someone who struggles with this thing. You're someone who's tired, someone who's not healthy, someone who can't work out like they used to. Someone who isn't themselves. But I know this from other times in my life. And I'm sure anyone from the outside could tell you this, right? Hard times are seasons. They are not identities. Okay? And this is something I've had to deal with a ton. This last year is like, my brain constantly lies to me when I'm dealing with all this pain. And it constantly says, this is your new normal. This is forever. This is going to be the next 20 years of your life. And all these fears will pop up with like, oh, my gosh, I can't. What if I have to deal with that? Am I gonna have to manage this forever? Is this, like, the new normal? And it isn't. Because storms don't last. Like, nothing in nature ever stays at the peak of its intensity forever. Same with hard times. And so it was really, like, I was really happy, actually, that my brain came up with that sentence, because I was like, wow, that was super helpful in that moment. I was like, this is not forever. This is not forever. Hard time. Not hard forever. And what got me through so many times this last year is just reminding myself like, this isn't forever. This is just right now. And this very, very hard day, this day that is very maybe mentally or physically painful, it will pass. It will pass, and the pain will pass. And I tell myself all the time, I'm like, and you will forget. I will forget. A year from now, two years from now, three years from now, I won't remember this pain. And if I can just survive today, then I am one step closer tomorrow to a different future. And so if you're listening to this right now, I want you to know, like, if you're going through a hard time, our brains lie to us. They tell us that this is never going to end because they want us to survive. And they're saying, you should change something, because what if this never ends? But most of the time, when we are going through something very hard, it will end. And you might say, well, Layla, my circumstances have changed. I got divorced. I did this. I, you know, lost a friend. I lost a job. That's not gonna change. The situation might not change, but your feelings will change whether you want them to or not. And that's something I've learned about myself and about the human race over the last few years, is, like, whether we want to or not, feelings pass. Things change, even if the circumstance remains the same. The second thing that I wrote down is that what's good about hard times is that you find out who actually has your back. Like, this year really showed me who, like, my people are. Like, not people who are there when things are convenient or because it looks good on Instagram or because it's fun or they want to learn something from me, or they just want something from me, right? But the people who will be there when I have nothing to give, the people who don't need the full story to support me, the people who didn't disappear right when I didn't have the energy to reciprocate the relationship in the same way that I used to. Hard times cut through all the noise. It's interesting because you can always see who are the people left that can help hold you up. And the reality is, what I've learned this last year is, like, you don't need 20 people. You know, I think you just need a couple. You need your people. And oftentimes the best relationships come from people who are there for you in your worst chapters of life. Like, I really think that I thought about this a lot. Like, the reason why me and Alex have such a strong marriage is because the first two years of our relationship was so hard. You know, we essentially lost all of our money. We, you know, had somebody steal from us. We. He got a DUI and was in the hospital, and, you know, we almost went bankrupt. We had, like. We started a business, and it shut down. Then another business, and it worked. And, like, it was just insane, and there was so much stuff in between. And the reason why I'm so grateful for that is because it also helped us create this relationship that I don't think I would have been able to have if we hadn't gone through that. Because when you're going through hard times, that's when you really get to forge these relationships that I would say make good times easy. The third thing that I wrote down is something I was thinking about when I was in the gym as well. Slow over setbacks, okay? This is like the theme of my fucking year. When life hits you, you want to bounce back fast, you want to prove you're fine, you want to get back to normal speed. But the truth that I have had to learn is slow is better than a setback. And slow progress is still progress and is oftentimes the only kind that actually sticks. Every time I've rest myself through physical therapy, through starting to work out again, I have regressed. Every time I let myself move slowly and I let go of this judgment that's constantly saying that I'm not improving fast enough. I've rebuilt so much stronger and I haven't had to take three steps back, back when I take two steps forward. And so I was asking myself, like, what does this taught you about seasons? And what it's taught me is they're not about speed. The hardest thing. And I totally understand. I know that you feel this way right now. If you're going through a hard time, you want to get through it, you want to rush through it, you want to be done. And so you want to do whatever is in your power to get through that hard time as fast as possible. Because it's like, it's super uncomfortable. And so you're like, well, no, no, I'm totally fine with it. But like, I'm just doing the things to make myself better. But what is that? It's essentially like telling yourself, like, I don't wanna feel this way. You might say you're okay with the circumstances, but it's the internal circumstances that you're trying to change by changing yourself and by doing so many things so quickly. So what I've realized is sometimes it looks like you do one more thing. You do one walk, you do one exercise, you have one honest conversation. You set one boundary, you have one conversation. And I think that in that setbacks to getting on the other side of a hard time will stop defining you when you stop making speed the goal. The goal is to keep moving, even if it's slow, even if it sucks, even if you're constantly judging yourself, even if you're really uncomfortable, just keep moving. That's it. You just want to stay in motion. Now what this brings me to is the fourth point that I wrote down. And I know this sounds cheesy, but it is really what I thought. Which is like, hard times are gifts, but only if you open them, you'll see what I mean. Okay. Pain doesn't hand you growth automatically. Just because you go through something painful doesn't mean you're going to grow. You have to be open to it. Hard times are full of invitations to see things that haven't been working in our lives, to heal things that we have ignored. To rebuild our lives on stronger foundations and to understand ourselves more clearly. But if you stay closed, if you numb yourself, if you get defensive, if you get bitter, if you avoid these thoughts and feelings, you miss the gift. Like you miss all of the good that can come from the hard time. If you are not, if you don't open it, it's a gift. Open it, go into it, Take everything out. Look at it, take it in. I know this sounds so contrary to what you want to do, and I understand. Cause I don't want to either. But I have had to get the good from the bad. What is good about this situation? What can you learn about this situation? What is this trying to teach you? I'm not saying this in some woo woo way. I'm saying this in a very practical, grounded way. Most of the biggest upgrades that have come from in my life have come through a door that I had no desire to walk through. Like I would have rather jumped off a cliff. But I walked through the door because I said there's no way that I'm going to experience this hard time and not learn from it. I at least need to learn from it. And I think that's the truth for all of us. Which brings me to my last point. Hard times clarify who you really are and who you are becoming. Why is this? Okay, I really think this is true. When life is easy, you don't know yourself as well. You're moving, you're busy. You're kind of like in automatic repeat mode, right? You don't question things. You're just like moving through the day as normal, repeating your patterns. But when shit gets hard, everything unnecessary falls away. And what is left is, what are your real values? What real discipline do you have? What is your real inner voice? What's your real character? What are the things that you're really fucking afraid of? And what are the things that you're really fucking strong at? It's almost like hard times are like a mirror and they are not flattering mirrors, but they are honest. It's kind of like if you've ever walked into. I remember I would go to Lululemon back when Lululemon was hot. And I would go into the dressing room, and I hated the lighting in there because every time I looked in that damn dressing room, I would be like, oh, my God. I look like. I just. I just, like, have some fat on my love handles and the back of my thighs and, like. And it was just so annoying every time. I really wanted to avoid it. But then I said, well, you know, at that point, I was competing in bikini competitions. I was like, I should go to these more often because all these other mirrors all make me look better, and this one makes me look worse. But at least now I know where I need to improve. And so, of course, they are mirrors. They are not flattering mirrors, but they're honest. And if we can't take a good, honest look at ourselves, how can we level up? And how do we know who we want to become? For me, this last year was really hard, and it's still hard. I've gotten used to it, and I've gotten better, and I have taken advantage of it to the best I can. But I still don't feel, quote, like myself. I still don't feel, quote, back to normal. I still don't feel as carefree as I was. But what have I gained? I've been able to see myself so much more clearly. Where am I actually strong? Where was I avoiding things? Where am I most resilient? Where am I very insecure? And where do I need to grow? And if anything came out of this hard time for me, it was that clarity. And that clarity is a gift because it told me who I want to be next. So if you are in a hard season right now, I want you to hear this. Hard time isn't hard forever. This will pass. You will get to another season of your life. I know it doesn't feel like that right now. I know your brain's lying to you, but you will. And you are not failing, and you're not broken and you're not behind just because you're not speeding through this hard time, you are becoming the next version of yourself. And fast progress doesn't equate to permanent progress. In fact, slow progress has more of an equivalent to permanent progress. Hard times, they are not punishments, okay? They are passages. And when you come out on the other side, you come out with stronger relationships, with clear priorities, a deeper sense of self and understanding of yourself, and a version of yourself that you could not have built through easy times. So I hope if you're going through a hard time, this helped you a little bit. These are just some of my thoughts that I jotted down this morning as I was in the gym, you know, reminiscing on the hard time that I've had and continue to have. And I hope it helps some of you. I hope if you're having a hard time, just remember, hard time is not hard forever.