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There are two words that will guarantee that you stay stuck, miserable and powerless at work. It's toxic. Now, I'm not saying it's because it's wrong, but because it convinces you that there's nothing that you can do about it. I have built multiple companies worth over hundreds of millions of dollars. And I have watched people quit, trash the culture, end up just as miserable in their next job because they have never learned to honestly evaluate themselves, their skills, and what they want. So if you want to excel in your work environment instead of just surviving in it, you need these five mindset shifts. Number one, stop labeling and start evaluating. Okay, the first shift is gonna sound counterintuitive and it's probably gonna make you mad, but is the single biggest reason why people stay stuck in jobs they hate? When I was working in gyms early in my career, there were days where I remember thinking, this environment is f. Cking toxic. The hours are long, they pay me nothing. People f. Ing say to me all day when I'm on the floor. The expectations are high, and I had managers who did not treat me well. But here's what I realized looking back. It wasn't toxic. It was demanding. And the reason that I was struggling wasn't because there was something wrong with the job or the environment. It was because I hadn't figured out yet if I was willing to pay the price that the environment required. I remember taking a step back and saying, okay, do I respect the people I work with? Do I respect the work we're doing? Am I growing? And in asking myself those questions, I actually realized that the answers were yes. And so I said, why am I building all this mental drama around my job? Every job has trade offs. I got all of those things. The price of those things were longer hours, more demanding, all those things. The word toxic has become so overused, it covers everything. Now, it could be a genuinely abusive environment to somewhere that's just demanding and you're just not up for a demanding job. Disrespect, non inclusion, unethical behavior, cutthroat dynamics, abuse. Those are toxic, okay? And those are real, okay? But like being annoyed by how your boss communicates with you or feeling like I don't know if I'm getting enough praise or thinking like, this meeting is pointless, like, that's not toxic. That just might mean that you're not in the right f. Cking job and you need to get a different one. I totally understand that. Venting feels cathartic, but it keeps you stuck. It replaces action with an Identity. Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right? The word you use to describe your situation determines what you do about it. If your workplace is toxic, you are a victim and you have to be rescued. If your workplace is not aligned with your values, you are an adult with a decision to make. Ban the word toxic from your vocabulary for 30 days. Replace it with descriptive language. My manager doesn't give clear expectations. I'm not being developed. The values here don't match mine. Okay, that specificity, it forces you to think clearly instead of emotionally. So ask yourself three questions. Do I respect the people I work with? Do I respect the work we're doing? Am I growing into someone I'm proud of? If the answer to all three is no, you don't have a toxic workplace, you have a decision to make. Number two is called the self respect test. Okay, so now that we have withdrawn ourselves of labels, how do you actually make that decision? There was a time in my business where things were scaling really, really fast and it was messy. It felt like everything was breaking everywhere. The culture wasn't what I wanted it to be. Nobody knew what anyone was doing. It's like, what's your job? What's your job? I don't even know what people do anymore. And some days the environment felt hard to be in. Like it was chaotic and it was draining and I'd be tired at the end of the day. And if I had been an employee looking in from the outside, I could have easily called it toxic. But the real question that I had to ask myself wasn't, is this pleasant? It was, do I have respect for how I'm showing up in this environment? And my answer to myself was, not always. Sometimes I was actually contributing to that disorganization and chaos by avoiding hard conversations, by not holding standards, by letting things slide because I was tired. Here are some misconceptions I want you to avoid. If my self respect is suffering, maybe the company needs to change. Maybe. Or maybe you need to change before you point the finger outward, point it inward. Because we don't learn anything and gain any skills from. Point it outward. Only when we point it inward am I showing up in a way that I'm proud of. And when you use that self respect as your filter instead of happiness or comfort, you're probably going to realize that you could actually maintain your self respect fairly easily. Every Sunday night. I think it's good to do this once a week. Ask yourself this question, did I respect the way I showed up this week and if the answer is consistently no, dig into whether it's your environment or it's you. Number three values. Misalignment is not toxicity. The third shift explains why some people love a company and why other people call that same company toxic and why both of them are right. Okay. I have built my companies around a specific set of values. Direct communication, high standards, radical ownership. People who share those values love working here. They're probably watching this video right now. I love this video, right? People who don't hate it. And I have watched people leave and call me and the culture toxic when the reality was they just valued something different. But that doesn't mean that my company is toxic. It means my company's not for you. The most honest conversation I had with somebody that was leaving was when they said, I don't think this place is bad, I just think it's not for me. And it was like the most mature, self aware exit I have ever witnessed. And it literally gives me chills because I'm like, I respect the hell out of you. You want to avoid thinking a company's values should match mine. They should if you work there. But it's your job to find the match, not the company's job to transform for you. Companies have a right to their culture, just like you have a right to your values. Second misconception. If the culture is intense, it's toxic. Intensity does not equal toxicity. Some of the best companies in the world have very intense cultures. Like think about Amazon, Goldman Sachs. People who stay there fucking love it and they thrive. And people who don't leave. Neither of those groups are wrong. I should be able to change the culture. Unless you are a CEO or senior leader, I'm just gonna be honest. Like, you're probably not gonna change the culture. And even if you try and you start to succeed, it's gonna take years. It takes years. For me, as the one that leads the company to change something, the faster path is just finding a cult. Lines of what you value. Write down the top five things you value. Not the ones that you wish that you value, but like the ones that you will make decisions based on. And then look at your company, what their values are, how much overlap is there? Number four is accountability before accusation. What if the toxic person in your workplace is you? I once had someone on my team who was really, really unhappy and they complained about the workload, about the communication, about the pace of work, about their coworkers. And I remember when I sat them down for a conversation, I said, what have you done to Try and change the things that are frustrating. He didn't say a word. He hadn't asked for clearer expectations. He hadn't pushed back. He hadn't even had a direct conversation with a single person about the things that were bothering him. So instead, what he had done, he had spent months building the story in his head, making up all these narratives around the job instead of doing the one thing that might have actually helped, which is owning his part. When he did finally start to have these dark conversations, most of those what he called toxic dynamics kind of vanished. The things that didn't improve became very, very, very clear signals that this was not the right place for him. But he couldn't see that until he stopped accusing people and started owning his part in the conversation. So MIT did a research study on toxic culture and found that low performance leadership is the strongest predictor of workplace toxicity. But they also found that social norms and unwritten rules that everyone on the team follows are the second strongest predictor. You are part of those social norms. So if you make it normal to gossip, to vent, to check out, to stop holding yourself accountable, you shape the culture just as much as your manager. Now, what are some common misconceptions? It's not my job to fix the culture. Like, if you're venting to coworkers, disengaging from projects, and like showing up with a bad attitude, you're not a victim, you're participating. Second one. I've tried everything. Have you actually tried everything? Have you had an adult conversation with your manager about what's not working? Or have you played it around in your head a million times and decided why you shouldn't have the conversation? Bull. You should. You are fooling yourself. Taking accountability is like the most undervalued skill in the modern day workplace. When you default to not taking accountability and accusing people, you are literally training yourself to be helpless. So before you call anything else toxic, complete this checklist. Have I directly communicated what's bothering me to someone that can change it? Have I proposed a solution, not just a complaint? Have I evaluated whether I'm showing up the way that I want to? If you cannot answer yes to those three things, maybe your next move is not to complain more, but to act to do something differently. Number five. Either leave gracefully or stay there happily. There is no middle ground here. This fifth shift is not about your workplace at all. It's about the decision that you've been avoiding, which cost you a lot more than you think. I almost shut down my business when I was at a Major breaking point. I was exhausted. I was resentful of my own business, ironically. And I felt like I was carrying the entire team on my back. And so I went to a mentor and I told her, hey, f this. And I remember she said something to me that changed my frame. She said, you can handle this, but what's your alternative? And my alternative was like, well, probably humiliation and closing my business and losing everything I build and losing trust with my team. And then I said, okay, well if I didn't do that, because that doesn't sound good, what would I do? I was like, well, I would go all in and fix this sh t. I would stop being a half ass. I'm like, I'm either gonna fix this and fix what I can control or I'm gonna f ing not. I'm gonna leave. I became in many ways in that, like that very dark period of time, I felt like I was labeling my own company as toxic. And it's crazy because I actually, it's funny as I'm saying it, I'm like, holy, I haven't felt that way in so long. It's like the most terrible feeling on earth. You've built something that you hate. There is research on person environment fit. So what it shows is that people who recognize that they're not aligned and act on it, whether they adapt or leap, one of the two, have way higher life satisfaction than people who recognize and do nothing. The suffering comes from sitting on your hands and doing nothing. Now, I get what you're thinking now because you're going to have some thoughts that come up. You're going to be like, well, I'm just waiting for the right time to leave. I'm going to go ahead and tell you there is never a right time to leave your job. And the thing is, is that while you wait for the right time to come, which it never will, you lose respect for yourself because you know that you should be leaving. The second thing people think is they're like, I'll just coast and then I'm going to wait until something better pops up. It is a very expensive choice because it's going to cost you skill, development, time, reputation and self respect. The third thing, people say it's financially irresponsible to leave. I get it. It might be financially irresponsible to leave without a plan, but it's personally irresponsible to stay somewhere that's actively making you worse. And I think that you will make that money back that you're worried about risking or losing. I would just bet it. Because the type of people who take bold moves tend to make more money. Leaving or staying is not just a career move, it is a life philosophy. You either fully commit to your situation and make it work or you walk away with your head held high and you don't talk shit. So if you choose to stay, set a review day, give yourself 90 days. Go all in, give it everything you've got. Have the hard conversations, do the work, and at the end of the 90 days, ask AM I proud of how I showed up and is this place worthy of my best effort? And you will at least have that answer by them. And if you choose to leave, do it with grace. Do not trash the company. Don't vent on LinkedIn, you know, instead say, this was a great experience, it taught me what I value and I'm going to go find an environment that matches those values. Here's the truth. Most people watch this and they will go right back to calling their workplace toxic. But the ones that actually do something with these five shifts, they will either transform themselves in the place that they're in or they will say, you know what, I need to find somewhere that's a better fit. And the cool thing is that either way, you win. The people that lose are the ones that stay stuck in the middle, complain, but never actually make a change. So you got to choose and you got to take action. So if this changed how you think about work, if you want to go deeper on stuff like this, it's a little bit more tactical. I have a weekly newsletter I call Layla's Letters. I know it's a tongue twister, but this is all the stuff I send to my leadership team, like how I think about building people, the culture business, just top of mind thoughts and it is unfiltered. I might scratch people's names out, but like it is not edited for the public. And so you can get that in the link below where I break it down.