← Build with Leila Hormozi
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If you don't tolerate frustration, then you have a low frustration tolerance. In other words, you don't do well being frustrated for a long period of time. What's allowed me to accumulate a lot of wealth in my life and a lot of happiness. A lot of things I really love in my life is developing a high frustration tolerance, which means I can tolerate a lot of hard, frustrating things. I'm good at being frustrated. I used to think that, that I needed a better job or a better opportunity to get ahead. But I was wrong. I went from broke at 22 to selling three of my companies by the age of 29 after I quit doing these five things. So if you wanna build real wealth, start by cutting these habits immediately. The number one habit that you've got to cut to build wealth is you have to start quitting every time something gets hard and you start over. That's exactly why you don't have any money, and that's why you don't get anywhere quitting. Keep it keeps you poor in terms of wealth. It also keeps you poor in terms of confidence. Discipline is what's gonna make you rich. So if you really think about it, the fastest way that you succeed at nothing is that the moment it gets uncomfortable, you jump ship and you chase the next shiny thing. This can be business, this can be fitness, this can be relationships. It all works the same way. It's kind of like the person who wants to get in shape. And so they do Orange Theory. And then one month they're like, oh, you know what? Orange Theory didn't work for me. I'm gonna go do CrossFit. And then they go do that for three months and they say, oh, you know what? CrossFit didn't work. I have to do yoga. And I'm like, dude, no, nothing works for you because you don't work. The thing is that you just keep popping from one thing to another to another, and so you never actually get the reward of the thing that you're in. And the same goes for business and making money. And I think that this is probably the most relevant one for me is that people think that they always need to start something new, a new venture, a new side hustle, a new job rather than fix the one they're in. It's not that you don't have opportunity, it's that you don't have the skill of seeing the opportunity. And that's because you don't have the skill to get to the next level in the current vehicle. So then you say, I need A new vehicle. Right. The reality is that the people that win, the people that actually are able to make a lot of money and build real wealth, they're the people who keep going when it's boring and when it's painful and when it's unclear. And they just say, I have to find a way forward. So if you find yourself popping from thing to thing to thing, from side hustle to this to that, you're the kind of person who goes on YouTube and you say, like, five jobs that will make me rich. That's the problem. The problem is that you're on YouTube asking how to get rich rather than figuring out how to do it in the current vehicle you're in. Discipline will make you rich. Quitting is what keeps you poor. Having the discipline to say, I can maximize the opportunity I have at hand. I just need to work on my skills. So an example of this is like, every business has what I call a valley of death. And most people die there because they pivot too soon, not because they're in the valley of death. Because when you start a business, essentially, it's like uninformed optimism, and you're really excited. It's really amazing. It could be a business. It could be a side hustle. This could be a job. And you're like, this is gonna be so much easier than the last thing. I'm actually gonna be able to make money this time. I can actually make this sale. I can actually make this side hustle work. I can actually figure this one out. And then eventually, right after you get off that point, you go into informed pessimism. And that is what I call the valley of death. And this is where a lot of people think, wow, this is so much harder than I thought. I don't think this is the right opportunity. I just don't think there's a good market for it either. It's too competitive. You know, it's to whatever excuses you start thinking, I should be doing something easier. Essentially, you encounter resistance, and you say it, I'm out, and you want to go do something else. And that habit and those thoughts is what keeps so many people stuck in this valley. And it's why so many people aren't able to accumulate real wealth, because they think, oh, gosh, it's hard, so I should do something else. That's really what you're saying. And the thing is, is that you don't need a new business. You don't need a new side hustle. You don't need a new job. You need to Stop trying new things every time the current one gets hard. And this is because they lack frustration tolerance. And that is what gets you through the hard part into reaping the rewards of everything that you've put in front of you. If you don't tolerate frustration, negative feelings, discomfort, upsetness, well, then you have a low frustration tolerance. In other words, you don't do well being frustrated for a long period of time. What's allowed me to accumulate a lot of wealth in my life and a lot of happiness and a lot of things I really love in my life is developing a high frustration tolerance, which means I can tolerate a lot of hard, frustrating things. I'm good at being frustrated and I like that about myself because that means that I can make the most things work. People ask me, well, do you think this is the best opportunity that I'm in? It's constantly a question I get from entrepreneurs. Do you think this is the best opportunity for me? I'm like, I think that the skill of making the most of any opportunity is a better skill than picking the opportunity. Because inevitably within 12 months there will be a better opportunity. So should you jump ship every 12 months to a new one, you're never going to be able to maximize one you're in. And so you want to be the type of person that can make anything work. You can make marriage work, you can make this long distance relationship work, you can make this laundromat work, you can make this media business work. Be the type of person who can make it work. Oftentimes what happens is you don't fail because your idea sucks. You fail because you haven't stuck with any idea long enough to see the pitfalls, to see where it works, see where it doesn't work, to see how to iterate and to see all of these things out into success. And that is the number one reason why people don't build wealth and why they always stay poor. You cannot tolerate frustration. Number two, stop seeking approval. Every time that you wait for somebody else to say go to give you control, right? You give them control over your future. So you need to stop asking for permission to live the life that you want to in the way you want to do it. You can't wait for approval from everybody else. For me, I remember when I said, you know what, I'm going to move to California, I've got only $5,000. I don't know anybody there. Nobody thinks this is a good idea. But it, I'm going to take the jump. I'm just going to Try. I'm going to build my life out there, and my whole family, my dad, my siblings, my cousins, my friends, they're all like, you're crazy. What are you doing? I did not have support, but I said it. I don't give a. I don't need their permission. I know this is what's right for me. And the people who are where I want to be, they would do something like this. And so you want to have your own approval and approval from what I would call, like, your future board of directors. Who are the people you look up to? Would they approve of you doing this? And for me, that was the first time that in my life I broke out of what I felt like was this prison of constantly seeking approval from everybody else. I was outsourcing my confidence. And that's what you're doing right now. You're probably doing it by watching this video. And I did something that I knew was right for me and that I wanted to do. And you know what it did? That is I took that confidence back. I'd been outsourcing it to all these people, and it felt amazing to finally say, you know what? I can just decide that I wanna do something because I wanna do it. And I approve of this myself. I approve this message. And it ended up being one of the best decisions of my entire life. And so part of this was looking around at me and saying, do these people who are inserting all their opinions about my life, do they even have the life they want? The people that you're thinking about right now that are judging you, that you want their approval, do they have the life they want? Seriously, ask yourself that. If the answer is no, then why the are you listening to them? I had to stop listening to those people and start listening to myself and had to get aligned with what I really wanted. Most people are waiting for permission from people who aren't even where they want to be and are even achieving their own goals, let alone helping you achieve yours. They ask their parents, they ask their spouse. They ask 12,000 people on social media, hey, what do you think? Should I do this? Should I not do this? And. And then they feel paralyzed because they have conflicting opinions. And then they feel more confused because you have contrary evidence, right? You're like, this person said this. How do I. And then it's like, oh, I'm just gonna default to doing nothing because I have no idea what to do. You feel more confused because the thing is this. Asking for opinions does not create clarity. Action creates clarity. Approval creates confusion. And the reality is this, most people give you advice based on their fears, not on their knowledge. And so they're giving you advice based on what didn't work for them. You didn't work for their dad, mom, spouse, partner, brother, whatever it is. This one time this person did this thing, and this didn't work out for them. So you should remember that and be scared forever. And here's the thing. Anyone who's successful, anyone who makes money, you know how they got there? By conviction, not consensus of everybody in their life. And so I would even go so far to say this. If everybody approves of your decision, it's probably wrong. Number three, stop chasing investments. You are betting on the market when you have not even bet on yourself yet. Multiplying money means nothing if you can't earn it first. When I first started off, aside from taking a bet on myself, moving out to California, not knowing anybody, not knowing how to do anything, not knowing what I was going to do, where I was going to work, how I was going to make money, I bought courses, I paid for mentors, I paid for programs. I spent literally every dollar that I had on investment. I did not do my nails, I did not do my hair. I did literally nothing. Everything went into, how do I get more of a return on my skills? Because I remember hearing this one phrase that somebody said, and it made me think of not how I look externally, but my internal character, which is, you can't put lipstick on a pig. And I thought about it for myself, which sounds crude, but I was like, I can wear whatever I want. I can pretend however I want. Maybe for you, it's like fancy watches, it's nice clothes. If I don't know who I am inside, I haven't invested in becoming the person I want to be, then none of it matters to me. It's just fake. It's just a lie. And so that's what I did, is I said, I'm gonna take every dollar. I'm gonna invest it myself. And that was the best investment I could have made. I don't regret any of it. People say they regret their 20s. I don't regret my 20s. I feel like I maximized my 20s. I know that if I had not acted that way and taken all my money and invested myself at that time, I would not be where I was today. Because it's a complete mindset shift. And to this day, literally to this day, I still feel the best investment I can make in with my own money is myself. It's not even my business. Still, it's still myself. It's in the things that I can control and the things that I know that I can create a return from. A lot of people they do is they say, you know what? I've got this money now. It's like, oh, how do I get rich? How do I buy crypto stocks? But they won't even invest in a trainer, in a. Buying a course and getting a mentor and getting a coach and getting proximity to people who are where they want to be. They won't take the risk and get them a job that's going to move them forward in life. And so you don't even know how to earn money consistently, and yet you're trying to multiply it. You're on YouTube, you're searching, how do I make more money with my money? I've got a couple thousand dollars saved up. I've got $50,000 saved up. Here's the thing. It's backwards right now. And in the beginning, the greatest ROI that you're gonna get is in your skillset, is in your character. It's who you are. So until you're making consistent money for yourself, let's say more than seven figures a year, stop trying to figure out how to invest money like somebody who makes more money, and instead ask yourself, how can I use this money to build myself? You are the greatest investment you're ever going to make. And so the reality is, if you can turn $1,000 into $10,000 through who you become and your skill alone, that is going to be any market return. And so my best advice is to make yourself too valuable to ignore. Look at yourself as the best investment you can make. And I promise you, you will get a return. Maybe it's not tomorrow, maybe it's not next week. Maybe you're not, like, sitting on there refreshing your account on crypto, because it's like getting the dopamine hit. But in a year, in two years, in three years, it will pay off. Because the thing is, especially nowadays, one of the most rare qualities that anybody has is patience. The fourth point is stop listening to broke people. You're taking money advice from people who haven't made money. And then you wonder why you're stuck. If you wouldn't take fitness advice from somebody who is out of shape, why would you take financial advice from somebody who doesn't have money? And here's the thing. I spent years, years taking money advice from people who didn't have money. And everything changed for me when I said, I'm only going to take money advice from people who had money. I know this sounds so simple, but here's the thing. You hang out with people. You have family, you have friends. They all give you their opinions. They tell you what to do with your money. And it's like you're so programmed to listen to what they say that you forget to ask yourself, is this person even qualified to give me advice? One thing that always resonated with me is that your circle is your ceiling. Now, here's the thing. If you can't get around people who have more money, right? Because in the very beginning, I couldn't, then move somewhere where people have more money. Then watch people online who have more money, Then buy courses from people, read books from people who have more money. You just need to immerse yourself in the mindset. A huge reason that I moved from Michigan to California is because I read the book Rich Dad, Poor dad, and I was like, oh, my whole life is full of poor dads. Like, everybody around me, nobody knows anything about money. And I was like, I don't really have any money. And so that's why I said, I've got to move. I've got to get out of here, because I just need to even just, like, speak to people who have money. And when I moved from Michigan to California, it was the biggest cultural shock I've ever seen, but it was also the biggest money shock I'd ever seen. Literally just seeing the relationship that wealthy people had to money, it created this new narrative in my mind where it was like, oh, my gosh, my relationship that I've had with money this entire time, my whole life, it was wrong, But I wouldn't have known that unless I had gotten out of my environment and gone into one. Now, it doesn't even mean that those people were my friends. It's literally how people acted about money. People who are acquaintances, people who I was. I was in restaurants, I was walking the pier. I was in a gym, hearing the conversations. It was what I picked up. So it's just being in an environment where you're surrounded by people who have what you want. You pick up little things. And what you realize is that when you have proximity to people who have what you want, you change your standards. And that's when you're able to really level up. When your minimum standard is that you feel like there's no way you can't make a million dollars a year. Like you must, in order to be in the environment you need to be in, your brain will find a way to make a million dollars a year because it's unacceptable to make less than that. And so you have to learn how to make money from people who actually have it. It sounds simple, but it's like if your mom or your dad have been giving you advice their whole lives, and they've only been making $100,000 a year, and you wanna make 300 or $400,000 a year, it's just not gonna work to listen to them. It's better that you listen to nobody than you listen to the wrong people. No advice is better than bad advice. Number five is that we wanna stop choosing unsupportive partners. You cannot build a life, build wealth, build an empire with somebody who fears your growth. Money represents power. And so if you have the wrong partner, they won't want you to have money because. Because they don't want you to have power. The wrong partner will cost you more than any bad investment. Here's the thing. I see this all the time. I'm very grateful. I don't experience it, but I see it all the time. For example, I had somebody in my company who was like an incredibly high performer, and they got into a relationship with somebody who didn't make a lot of money. And that person thought money was bad, money is evil. And they thought working a lot was bad. They thought all these different things. And over time, what I watched is I watched that person's performance degrade. I watched them go to the level of this supportive spouse that they had. Instead, what I actually watched was I watched them dull their shine. I watched them put out their own light. I watched them take less risks. Why? Because the person who was closest to them literally was sowing seeds of doubt into their mind on a daily basis. And whether you like it or not, it's like a hard pill to swallow. But like the people that you're closest to, mostly being your spouse or partner, they're the ones who are going to shape the majority of your thoughts. They're going to shape your reality. They're going to shape how you see yourself. And so the reality is, a lot of people don't want to face it. But nothing will steal your potential faster than a partner who resents your success. Again, it's not about money. It's about power. If somebody has a lot of money, right? If you say, I want to make a lot of money, what does that represent to your spouse? They might feel threatened by that because it does a few things right. It makes them insecure. They realize that they're not able to do that. It also shifts the power dynamic. So you have more power in the relationship because you have more resources and then also represents freedom. You have more freedom, you have more options. And as you have more options, it means that they are one of many options that you have. And it doesn't mean like as a spouse, but just like in general, you have a lot of options as you what do you get to do when you have a lot of money? And so like you could choose to do different things with your time rather than just being home with that person watching a movie every night. The reality is, is that the right partner will support this. They will multiply your success and the wrong one will subtract you from yourself. And the thing is, is like building wealth, building something worth building, life in general is hard enough. You don't want somebody who's there sabotaging you from making money, making progress, because they oppose everything that you want and they make you feel worse about yourself. It's like you want somebody that makes your life better, not worse. You want somebody that makes you more confident, not less confident. If I'm saying this and it's triggering you, then you're probably with the wrong person. So to sum it up, staying poor is easy. You just do what feels good in the moment. You avoid hard conversations, you listen to people who have no reason to be listened to, and you avoid all the actions in the true side just said. If you actually want to be wealthy, not just with money, but with meaning, with fulfillment, with your life, with confidence, then you have to start doing the opposite of all these five things.