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We have to control the frame. And everybody else is constantly trying to sell you on their frame. Why you should do this, why you should be involved here, why this shouldn't be happening, why this should be happening, why we should handle this differently. But you are the leader in the situation. You have to remember that part of your job is telling people what the frame is. You determine what the frame is. What's up, guys? Welcome back to Build. And today we are doing a special, special episode. So I'm recording this 8 o' clock on a Friday night, and I am super content with the fact that I am not doing anything right now except for making this piece of content, which I don't know if I've ever recorded a podcast at nighttime, like at the end of the day, which I know it might not be late for some people. For me, I like, usually go to bed at 9, but I just had a lot on my mind and I have not recorded a podcast in like a month. And a lot has happened and a lot is happening and I am, you know what, recording this as I put on my face cream and get ready for bed. But here we are. So practicing done is better than perfect. Like, I like to preach, but I had these thoughts and I really, like, genuinely was like, I think that these would be valuable for other people to hear just a few of the things that are top of mind for me. As I was reviewing my week and reviewing the last few weeks and I wanted to share, the first thought that has been on my mind has been, our company's grown fast now at, you know, a hundred employees hiring for, I think we have almost 20 open roles right now. And I have more and more remembered what my role is as a leader of a larger organization. I wouldn't even say larger. It's still small, but like, of a sizable team rather than a, you know, 30 person team that we were a year ago, which is controlling the culture and controlling the frame. And I'll kind of give you an example of this. You know, recently we've had a lot of new people on the team. And I think new people coming on the team does a couple things, which is like, as new people come on, if they're really good, you would think everyone's like, oh, that's amazing. But a lot of people, you know, if they're not emotionally there yet, it's not like, oh, it's amazing. It's like, oh, fuck. Jealousy, insecurity, they're taking my spot, they're getting stuff that I used to do. I have to share. Like, I'm sharing my toys now. That's essentially what it is. And I'd noticed that behavior. And then what happens a lot of times from that is that I will see a couple things, which is like, one, I'll see that people will start to make little snide remarks about other people that seem harmless in passing but are really poisonous if you let them continue. The second thing is that it's right around this time when gossiping starts. It's right around a hundred people. It's like, okay, they feel like they can start talking and nobody's going to hear what they say. They feel like they can talk and people aren't going to know what's happening. It feels like, oh, we're a small group. This is a large company, versus when it's small. It's like, okay, if I tell this one person, Layla's probably going to find out pretty quick. And I sent a message to my team explaining to them the difference between giving feedback, gossiping, et cetera. And I wanted to share it here because I've been thinking about a lot, which is, what's the definition of gossiping? And I have to be honest, I have not looked this up in a dictionary. I have not validated this. This could be complete bullshit. But guess what? This bullshit works for me. So when I think about gossiping, I think about talking about someone negatively. A person or a place or a thing negatively to somebody else who can do nothing about it. Essentially, you are criticizing another person, place, or thing to a person who has no ability to help them improve. And so if someone's like, I don't know if this is gossip or not, I'm like, well, is it helping make the situation better? Or are you just venting emotionally vomiting or trying to gain status through having more information? Or you just like the attention that you get when you gossip because maybe there's no other reason to pay attention to you. Like, that is the sad truth with a lot of people who gossip. And so as I was explaining this to people, I thought it'd be helpful for anyone who listens to my podcast, because I think one, like, we're all guilty of gossiping at some point in our lives. Like, I will never forget the only time that I really gossiped about somebody and I felt terrible after I was a freshman in high school, and there was a girl, and. And she was one of my really good friends, and she was a little nefarious, and she had a rumor made up about her. And so instead of admitting to the rumor, changing her behavior, et cetera. She ended up telling people it was me who did this nefarious thing and blaming me, throwing me under the bus. And then it, you know, essentially ruined my reputation. And I was really upset because, you know, I remember at that age, it was insane. Like, it was incredibly embarrassing of people saying, like, oh, you did this promiscuous thing, right? And I, at that age, was the opposite of promiscuous. And so, one, I was like, this is not warranted. I can't believe this. I don't even know what that is. And two, I was like, I can't believe my friend would do this to me. And so I remember I didn't know how to handle it. And I was so mad, it was, like, built up in my body. Like, I remember feeling, like, angry. Like, up all night. I didn't even want to go to sleep. Cause I was just like, I hate her. I can't believe she would do this to me. I can't believe she would just completely lie. Like, who does that? Who just lies out there? But, like, that, that. Right? And I remember feeling all these different type of ways. And so then what ended up happening was I remember I said, you know what? I'm going to get even with her. And so I thought that getting even with her was, you know what? I'm going to go talk about her to other people. And so I just talked. I honestly talk mad shit. I talk mad shit to anybody who would listen. I remember at one lunch, this is where I got it out. And this. I'm not proud of this, guys, but I did it. I went to each table at the lunchroom and I just told them terrible things about her. Now, were those things true? Yes. But was it productive to talk about her like that? No. And I remember afterwards when, you know, she had to deal with this. And of course, you know, I gave her my reasoning, which was like, well, you completely lied about something and ruined my reputation at school. But nonetheless, I remember her feeling really upset, me feeling really upset. And then what really stuck with me is I remember sitting in my room and realizing I didn't feel any better. I actually felt worse. I felt worse about myself for having done that. And that stuck with me the rest of my life. My team knows I am like, honesty is number one. Being honest, being kind. Don't shit talk, be transparent. And I remember that moment just thinking, I feel like shit about myself. Like, that was mean. And I never wanted to feel that way again because I realized, like, no person is worth Me feeling worse about myself no matter what they do to me. And so I say that because, one, I think we all need a little remark reminder. If we're upset, if we feel like someone has wronged us, if we feel like someone has done something to us that's unfair, it still doesn't make the situation better, and it doesn't even make us feel better to talk about it that way. The only thing that's going to make us feel better is if we can do something about it, and if we can either give them the feedback or give feedback to somebody who can do something in the situation. Right? So, like, in the case of my team, what I tell them is I'm like, listen, you coming to me because I've had teammates say, well, Layla, I don't want to bring it to you because I want to gossip. And I'm like, no, no, no, that's not gossiping, because I can do something about it. It's kind of like in school, it's like, if you go to the teacher, of course they're gonna be like, you're a tattletale, which is ridiculous. But the second piece of that is like, well, what's better? To go tell the teacher who can hopefully do something about the behavior and help resolve the situation, or to go tell a million people at the lunch table who are going to do nothing but just continue to talk shit and make the person's life worse? And so I've been thinking about it a lot as I know that going into building a bigger team, no matter how you slice it now, how matter how amazing your culture is, there is always the seeds of gossip that begin to spur and you have to cut them out. Honestly, viciously, I don't think there's anything else that I cut out faster than people that gossip and the behavior of people who spread it. There's nothing that I detest more. I don't want to interact with those people. I don't want them in my company. I don't want to condone it, and I don't want people to think I'm okay with it. And so that's the first thing that's been in my mind. Now, the second thing going with that was as a leader, you know, as I'm thinking about this entire concept of gossiping, and I'm thinking about how people handle this. I was talking with a couple other leaders, and they were like, well, you know, this person was saying this because this person did this thing to them. And I was like, listen, the root of gossiping is that somebody does something to someone that they don't like and then they talk about it. I don't care what the thing was. You're not helping the problem by telling a million other people who can do nothing about it. You are part of the problem by doing that. And so what I've realized in the last decade of my leadership is that most people who gossip feel very justified in their gossiping. I, in fact, don't think I've met anybody who's been like, you know what, I wasn't justified. They're always like, no, this is why I had to talk shit about them. Like, listen to what they did. And I'm like, listen, listen. You are now them. You are now them. They might have done something, but now you have done something else. You have spread the poison, you have spread the cancer. And when I was talking to my teammates about this, I was explaining that a huge piece of leadership, especially as your company continues to grow, is controlling the frame. Something that I've noticed is that the strongest leaders have the ability to constantly, no matter what, control the frame in a given situation. Now what does control the frame mean? Your team is constantly trying to sell you on why they are right? Especially in situations like this, because they don't want, you know, it's protecting your ego. It's making sure that you don't feel like you're a bad person. It's all these reasons, right? And you as the leader, you are there to listen. Of course you should listen and remain open minded. But never forget to control the frame. Never forget that when you know something is good or bad for your organization, you stand the frick up for that thing. You do not back down. You do not say, you know what, maybe I should take that consideration. There's times where you need to lean into the frame and say, you are wrong, sir. And this is your learning opportunity, not mine. And I've had quite a few instances lately where, you know, somebody comes into my office, they want to talk to me about something, and they feel very warranted in what they bring up. And then what I immediately realize is, oh, this is not a conversation where I'm going to be listening to their feedback. This is because they lack a skill, they lack a perspective, and they lack just general knowledge of how this works. And so I now have a teaching situation where I have to teach them. I have to give them a framework to think about this with for the future because they're just underskilled at this point. And I was explaining this to a Couple other leaders. I said, listen, the reason that you have a hard time with some of these people that you might be managing is because you can't control the frame. And controlling the frame means not being sold by the person who's walking into your office. Right? How many times, like, really, if you manage people or even if you have friends, okay, you get into a fight with your friend or with your boyfriend, and you're like, I know this was fucking wrong and this was fucked up, but I know when I go to talk to this person about it, they're just gonna fucking turn it around. Well, the same things happen on teams. And in fact, the smarter and more capable your team is, the more that they are going to put their frame on you. So the more capable someone in your organization is, the more susceptible you are to the fact that they are going to constantly try and frame it, to put it on you or the organization to change, rather than them or their perspective. And so what I've been finding myself reminding people of, and like, I continue to learn this lesson over and over again, I wouldn't say learn the lesson, but be reminded of it, is that we have to control the frame. And everybody else is constantly trying to sell you on their frame. Why you should do this, why you should be involved here, why this shouldn't be happening, why this should be happening, why we should handle this differently. But you are the leader in the situation. You are the owner of the company. Whatever your position is, you have to remember that part of your job is telling people what the frame is. You determine what the frame is. And so, I mean, I was, like, thinking of this term I was talking to, I was like, you're the frame maker. You're not the rainmaker, but you're the frame maker. And I know it's really cheesy, but, like, it really stuck with me, and it helped me when I was coaching them through this. So I hope it helps you too. And so those two things were, I would say, like, hand in hand, top of mind for me as I was going in my week. I would say the third thing that was really top of mind for me this week was not performing rituals, because we always have. So I'll give you an example. We just had this book launch, and it was crazy. We broke the record for the fastest nonfiction selling book. And so now we are the fastest nonfiction selling book. I mean, it's crazy. It's fucking awesome. And then to that, you know, we also did over $100 million in three days as a company. You Know, selling those books and having people purchase those books to donate them to the organization. And so as that happens, right, it was really interesting because we're coming up on our quarterly, and because we broke this record, because we got this notoriety, because we have this pool of resources, people are saying, you know, what are we going to do? Oh, my gosh, I can't wait to find out at Quarterly. And I'm over here, I'm like, guys, quarterly's in, like, four weeks. Like, there's a lot to consider from this, and there's a lot that just has happened as a company. And we just hit a goal that we had had for years, and it was a big goal, and we need to reset. And I sat there and I thought to myself, I said, you know what? A quarterly right now doesn't really make sense. In fact, I need a quarter to take in all this information, deploy these resources, allocate this capital, do all these things just to be able to move on to the next thing. And so I reached out to my team and I said, hey, guys, like, I know this is weird, but I actually don't think we should do it quarterly. And it's so funny because, like, basically everybody came back and they're like, no, I completely agree. Like, it's takes a lot of effort, takes a lot of time. It's a big investment. And we don't feel like we have everything in a row to do that. So maybe I'm going to do it mid quarter, maybe I'm not going to do it until next quarter, maybe I'm not going to do it until 2026, I don't know. But I'm not going to do it just because I've always done it. And so I rolled out a memo and essentially said, I'm going to do an abbreviated type of quarterly for the company. And here's what it's going to look like. And we're just going to do the things that we know will make an impact right now, and we're not going to do the things that won't make an impact right now. I know, it's so funny when you say it out loud. It seems so obvious, but, like, it's not obvious because we often just do things that we've always done and we don't question, why did we do them. And so I would beg of you, question everything, constantly be asking yourself, does this still apply to my organization? Is this still relevant today? Do I really need to be doing this? Is this meeting still really necessary? Is this role still really necessary is this function? Is this product like prune everything? Prune everything. Oftentimes solutions come from adding when the best solutions come from subtracting. I actually did that three times today. I had three problems brought to my plate. And the people that presented those problems, I do not want to repeat what those problems were, but their solutions were all addition. And I saw it the opposite way. I was like, no, the solution is in subtraction. The difficulty is that most people are emotionally tied to something and they don't want to get rid of it. And that is why it makes it so difficult for people to prune a company, to prune a tree, to prune whatever it is in your life because we're attached to the thing. But that is the best solution because it creates capacity for new, for expansion, for more. And I think that's really exciting. And then I'll bring you to the last thing that has been top of mind for me this week, which has been less is more. It's so funny because I was doing a lot of reflecting over the last month and thinking about some of the results I've been getting in my life, which I like. Like, really good results. And I was like, okay, let me dissect the success, because I want to understand. And the common theme that I had across every domain of my life that has been experiencing success right now is that I put less effort in now. Caveat. I don't think this is always the case, but I think that what I realized is that sometimes for people like me, I tend to have enough proclivity to care more, to be a little more on the anxious side, to stress out over stuff, to probably, like, want to overly perfect things. So I would say this. Caring less is probably someone's normal level of caring. But I stopped obsessing over certain things. I stopped worrying so much over certain things. There were goals that I had that. I'll just be completely honest. When all this health stuff happened for me this year, suddenly the attachment that I had to many of these goals just went away. Like I suddenly truly didn't care. And ironically, during the time while I was struggling with my health stuff, I achieved all of those goals. And I was like, what the hell? I'm like, I'm barely able to do anything to, you know, to get towards this goal. And then it's interesting, I was reading a book and it said something that I thought was really insightful, and it really just resonated with me. I wanted to share with you guys because I think a decent Amount of you listen to my podcast, probably relate to how I operate, my natural proclivities, demeanor, et cetera. So I'm going to go ahead and guess that you're a little more on the stressy, anxious side. And what it said was that I've never seen someone solve a problem by working on the problem. And I do not think that's always the case. But I think in many situations when the problem is, is amplified by stress, it is absolutely the case. And so I said, this is really fucking great advice. I'm going to think about this and apply it to others. And so I said, okay, what's something that's really stressing me out right now? And so I had the thing that I'm like, okay, this is really stressing me out. I'm like, I'm going to stop fucking thinking about it and I'm going to do nothing about it. And I kid you not, within a month that problem was resolved. It was just gone. It was just gone. And I think oftentimes because something stresses us out, we want to over engineer a solution for it. When in reality the best solution is often to do less of what got us there. The stress and the anxiety and the overthinking creates more of a problem than it does a solution. And it's just been like this lesson for me over the last six months, which has just been so much of the answer for things, especially when you are the type of person who tries so hard, so much of the answers are found in less of that. Not trying as hard, not holding on as tight, not trying to control as much, trying to do something easier, not harder. And I have had this and I've experienced in many areas of my life before, but I've never experienced it to this degree. And I will just say it has been completely transformative for me. And so I wanted to share it on here because it's been on my mind a lot. And you know, I don't know how this will apply to you, but I, I hope it resonates. And I think just in general with my podcast, you know, I want to share stuff that helps me in my life and these are the concepts that have been helping me lately and I hope they'll help you too. You know, been going through an interesting season, so I know I've been making less podcasts. I know we're still putting out a decent amount, but you know, for me, I over engineer, so for me it feels like less. But just want to say I appreciate all you guys. I'm going to keep making podcasts. Maybe not for a week, but I'm going to keep making them and sharing my insights along the way. Really excited for what's to come, really excited for this big goal that we just hit. And I've honestly just been doing a ton of reflection and really thinking about, you know, what I want to do with the rest of my life and who I want to be when I grow up. So I appreciate you guys. I hope you have a great evening, walk, dinner, workout. Maybe it's a late night like me. Late night like 8 o'. Clock. I will see you guys on the next one.