Build with Leila Hormozi: Episode 304 - Need vs. Preference: How Language Shapes Your Life

Host: Leila Hormozi
Release Date: August 4, 2025

Introduction

In Episode 304 of "Build with Leila Hormozi," titled "Need vs. Preference: How Language Shapes Your Life," Leila delves into the profound impact that distinguishing between needs and preferences can have on personal well-being, relationships, and business success. Drawing from her extensive experience in scaling businesses and navigating personal challenges, Leila offers actionable insights to help listeners reframe their mindset and language for a more resilient and fulfilling life.

Understanding Needs vs. Preferences

Leila begins by introducing a fundamental concept that transformed her perspective seven years ago: the distinction between needs and preferences. She emphasizes that conflating the two often leads to unnecessary stress, disappointment, and resentment in various aspects of life.

• Needs: Essential requirements for survival or well-being.
• Preferences: Strong desires or wants that enhance life but are not critical for survival.

Notable Quote:
"Most of our unnecessary stress, our disappointment, and even the resentment we feel towards others comes from confusing these two things."
— Leila Hormozi [04:30]

The Consequences of Mislabeling

Leila discusses how labeling preferences as needs can create rigidity and emotional turmoil. When individuals perceive certain desires as non-negotiable needs, they set themselves up for frustration when those needs aren't met. This mindset can strain relationships, hinder personal growth, and impede business operations.

Example from Transcript:
Leila recounts a conversation with a coworker who expressed that their partner wasn't meeting their needs, such as wanting a weekly date night or more intimacy. By challenging this notion, Leila helped the coworker realize these were strong preferences, not absolute needs.

Notable Quote:
"When we think that something is a need, we treat it like it's non-negotiable. And when it's not met, we feel deprived, anxious, or angry."
— Leila Hormozi [10:15]

Reframing Language for Empowerment

A significant portion of the episode focuses on practical strategies for shifting from a needs-based to a preferences-based mindset. Leila outlines three key steps:

1. Catch Your Language:
   Pay attention to the words you use. Terms like "need," "must," "should," and "have to" often indicate demands rather than desires.

   Notable Quote:
   "If you use words like need, must, should, have to, you're likely putting demands on circumstances you can't control, making yourself miserable."
   — Leila Hormozi [22:45]

2. Reframe Your Statements:
   Replace rigid needs with softer preferences. For instance, change "I must have approval" to "I prefer to have this person's approval, but I can function without it."

   Notable Quote:
   "Reframing the language immediately diffuses the intensity. You still want it, but you're not desperate if you don't get it."
   — Leila Hormozi [18:30]

3. Observe Emotional Shifts:
   Notice how your feelings evolve when you adjust your language. Shifting from needs to preferences can significantly reduce anxiety, anger, and fear.

   Notable Quote:
   "Changing your language can take your anxiety from an 8 to a 4. It reduces how much control a situation has over you."
   — Leila Hormozi [27:10]

Practical Applications in Life and Business

Leila extends the discussion to various spheres, including personal relationships and professional environments.

• Relationships:
  Instead of demanding specific behaviors from a partner ("I need you to take me on date night"), express preferences ("I would love to go on date nights regularly, but I understand if it's not always possible").

• Business Leadership:
  Avoid rigid expectations from employees. For example, instead of saying, "I need my team to meet these targets," frame it as, "I prefer my team to achieve these targets to help us grow."

Notable Quote:
"When you turn preferences into demands, you suppress others because they feel they must meet your demands to maintain the relationship or job."
— Leila Hormozi [32:05]

Personal Anecdotes and Insights

Leila shares personal experiences to illustrate the transformative power of this mindset shift. She recounts how embracing preferences over perceived needs allowed her to navigate health challenges without excessive self-imposed stress.

• Health Challenges:
  After undergoing surgery and temporarily altering her daily routines, Leila realized that many of the activities she deemed "needs" were actually strong preferences. This realization helped her maintain resilience and adapt without feeling devastated.

Notable Quote:
"Even when I couldn't do things I thought I needed to do, I was actually fine. It taught me how resilient I am."
— Leila Hormozi [40:20]

Conclusion: Embracing Freedom Through Language

Leila concludes by reiterating the immense freedom that comes from distinguishing between needs and preferences. By reframing language, individuals can release themselves from the emotional prison of unmet demands, leading to a more adaptable and satisfying life.

Final Notable Quote:
"The biggest win is the freedom we feel when we're not imprisoned by the language we inflict upon ourselves."
— Leila Hormozi [55:10]

Key Takeaways

• Distinguish Needs from Preferences: Recognize that many of what we consider needs are actually strong preferences, allowing for greater flexibility and reduced stress.

• Mindful Language: Monitor and adjust the language you use to describe your desires and expectations.

• Emotional Resilience: Shifting from a needs-based to a preferences-based mindset fosters emotional resilience and improves relationships and business dynamics.

• Practical Reframing: Implement practical steps to reframe thoughts and language to enhance personal and professional well-being.

Closing Thoughts

Episode 304 of "Build with Leila Hormozi" offers a compelling exploration of how language shapes our experiences and outcomes. By understanding and applying the distinction between needs and preferences, Leila provides a pathway to a more empowered and less stressful life, both personally and professionally. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to build an unshakeable business and a resilient personal life.

Stay Tuned:
For more insightful episodes on building successful businesses and personal growth, join Leila Hormozi every Monday and Wednesday on "Build with Leila Hormozi."