Podcast Summary: "The Difference Between Pain and Suffering | Ep 250"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Build with Leila Hormozi
• Host: Leila Hormozi
• Episode: The Difference Between Pain and Suffering | Ep 250
• Release Date: March 10, 2025

Introduction

In Episode 250 of Build with Leila Hormozi, host Leila Hormozi delves into a deeply personal and universally relevant topic: the distinction between pain and suffering. Drawing from her own recent struggles with health-related issues, Leila transparently shares her journey toward understanding and overcoming emotional suffering, offering valuable insights and actionable strategies for listeners facing similar challenges.

Personal Experience with Pain and Suffering

Leila begins by opening up about a difficult period she has been experiencing over the past month, marked by physical discomfort that has affected her emotional well-being and productivity.

Leila Hormozi [00:30]: "I find myself to be a very resilient person, but I have just felt really down... It's been probably the hardest time that I've had in a while."

She explains that her struggles are not rooted in business or personal setbacks but stem from health issues, leading her to recognize she is "in pain."

Defining Pain vs. Suffering

A central theme of the episode is distinguishing between pain and suffering. Leila references advice from an old mentor to highlight that while pain is an inevitable part of life, suffering is a mental choice.

Leila Hormozi [12:15]: "Pain's inevitable. You can't go through life trying to avoid pain... The real problem isn't pain. The real problem is suffering."

• Pain: An unavoidable physical or emotional experience that is part of being human.
• Suffering: The additional emotional anguish we impose on ourselves by resisting or misinterpreting pain.

The Concept of Clean vs. Dirty Pain

Leila introduces the idea of "clean" versus "dirty" pain, a concept shared by a friend:

• Clean Pain: Raw emotions such as grief, disappointment, frustration, and anger. These feelings are natural and transient.

  Leila Hormozi [18:40]: "Clean pain is just the raw emotion itself... All feelings pass, whether we want them to or not."

• Dirty Pain: The unnecessary suffering added on top of clean pain through self-blame, overthinking, and victim-playing.

  Leila Hormozi [19:30]: "Dirty pain is all the unnecessary suffering that we add on top of it. It's blaming ourselves, it's playing victim."

Steps to Overcome Suffering

Leila outlines three key strategies to move from suffering to a healthier experience of pain:

1. Stop Resisting the Pain

Acceptance is crucial. Instead of fighting against emotional pain, allow yourself to feel it without judgment.

Leila Hormozi [25:10]: "You can just sit with it. It's not going to kill you... I recognize that I'm also not controlled by it any longer."

2. Separate Circumstances from Thoughts

Understand that circumstances are neutral; it's our thoughts that color our experience.

Leila Hormozi [34:50]: "Circumstances are neutral, but our thoughts create our experience."

She emphasizes upgrading negative thoughts to more constructive ones to alleviate suffering.

Leila Hormozi [36:20]: "Upgrade your thoughts is my first step... That allows everything else to shift and it starts to feel better."

3. Ask Better Questions

Transform the questions you ask yourself from unproductive to empowering ones.

Leila Hormozi [43:15]: "Instead of asking, 'Why is this happening to me?' ask, 'What can I learn from this?'"

Practical Exercises and Takeaways

Leila provides actionable exercises for listeners to implement these strategies:

• Writing Down Negative Thoughts: Identify and document harmful thoughts.

• Reframing Thoughts: Replace negative narratives with positive, realistic alternatives.

  Leila Hormozi [39:05]: "Your husband loves you... Maybe also this is a great chance for them to step up."

• Asking Empowering Questions: Shift from questions that reinforce suffering to those that promote growth and resilience.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Leila wraps up the episode by reinforcing the idea that while pain is an unavoidable aspect of life, suffering is a choice that can be managed through mindset and intentional action.

Leila Hormozi [50:00]: "Pain is temporary. Pain does pass. Suffering is optional."

She encourages listeners to share their struggles and support one another, emphasizing that overcoming suffering begins with taking responsibility for one's thoughts and emotions.

Leila Hormozi [52:20]: "If you're suffering, if you're in pain, and if it's not... please share this with them if they think they need to hear it."

Notable Quotes

• On Pain vs. Suffering:
  "Pain's inevitable. You can't go through life trying to avoid pain... The real problem isn't pain. The real problem is suffering."
  [12:15]

• On Clean vs. Dirty Pain:
  "Clean pain is just the raw emotion itself... All feelings pass, whether we want them to or not."
  [18:40]

• On Acceptance:
  "You can just sit with it. It's not going to kill you... I recognize that I'm also not controlled by it any longer."
  [25:10]

• On Upgrading Thoughts:
  "Upgrade your thoughts is my first step... That allows everything else to shift and it starts to feel better."
  [36:20]

• On Empowering Questions:
  "Instead of asking, 'Why is this happening to me?' ask, 'What can I learn from this?'"
  [43:15]

• Final Encouragement:
  "Pain is temporary. Pain does pass. Suffering is optional."
  [50:00]

Key Takeaways:

1. Understand the Difference: Recognize that pain is a natural part of life, whereas suffering is a result of our reactions to pain.
2. Practice Acceptance: Allow yourself to feel pain without adding unnecessary emotional turmoil.
3. Reframe Your Thoughts: Actively replace negative thoughts with positive, realistic ones to reduce suffering.
4. Ask Empowering Questions: Shift your internal dialogue to focus on growth and solutions rather than blame and despair.
5. Share and Support: Open up about your struggles to foster connection and mutual support.

Leila Hormozi's candid discussion in this episode offers a compelling framework for transforming personal pain into a pathway for resilience and growth. By distinguishing between pain and suffering and adopting intentional mental strategies, listeners are empowered to build a more unshakeable foundation in both their personal and professional lives.