Podcast Summary: Build with Leila Hormozi

Episode 326 – "The Power of Guilt"

Release Date: November 5, 2025
Host: Leila Hormozi

Episode Overview

In this introspective episode, Leila Hormozi explores the nuanced role guilt plays in both our personal growth and business leadership. Speaking candidly from a transitional period in her life, Leila reflects on how her understanding of guilt has evolved, where it can hold us back, and how to distinguish between guilt that serves us and guilt that doesn’t. She shares actionable strategies for identifying, tolerating, and transforming guilt, with the aim of enabling listeners to live and lead more authentically.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Update and Motivation

• Leila shares she’s been deeply reflecting and working on herself, especially in the last year and more intensively in the last six months.
• The topic of guilt emerged for her after challenging conversations, leading to a realization about how often guilt influences her decisions—more than fear or anxiety.

“I blew my mind. Like, I was like, I don't make the choices I want to make very often because I feel guilty about the pain it will cause somebody else, even if it's what I want for myself in my life.” (04:37)

2. The Evolutionary Purpose of Guilt

• Guilt exists biologically to keep us in the tribe—a survival mechanism so that we would not be ostracized and risk danger.
• In the modern era, the threat has changed, but the emotional wiring hasn’t.

“For thousands of years as humans, guilt was a very powerful emotion to keep us in the tribe… if we stayed in the tribe, right then we don't die.” (06:07)

3. Defining Healthy vs. Unhealthy Guilt

• Healthy Guilt

  • Aligned with personal values; acts as a signal when we stray from our own ethics or cause intentional harm.
  • Should not be eliminated, as it maintains integrity.

• Unhealthy Guilt

  • Driven by external expectations or by being responsible for someone else’s feelings.
  • Leads to people pleasing, exhaustion, and a loss of authenticity.

“Healthy guilt is when it's aligned with my values… Unhealthy guilt… keeps me trapped in other people's emotions or expectations.” (07:23, 08:07)

4. Real Life Example & People-Pleasing

• Leila recounts two recent, difficult conversations:
  • She had to repeat her decision 23 times to someone resisting her boundary.
  • Endured physical symptoms (raised cortisol, sweating) during the encounter, but pride and relief after standing her ground.
• Realized she often "goes with what the other person wants" to avoid guilt from conflict, resulting in micro to moderate decisions not aligned with her.

"I had to tell them my decision 23 times… While I was having the discussion…my cortisol is rising, I'm kind of like sweating. But I'm at the same time like, no, I'm so sorry, this has nothing to do with you, but this is my decision." (11:29, 13:03)

5. The Price of Guilt and the Trap of People-Pleasing

• Allowing guilt to make our decisions is a form of self-imposed prison.
• We begin to apologize for our own boundaries and goals.
• Guilt is often mistaken for being a good person, but it can make us resentful and tired, not genuine.

“We think that guilt means that we're good people, good person, when the opposite is much more true. Oftentimes it makes us tired. Resentful. And we don't live within our honesty.” (15:45)

6. Three Steps to Change: Awareness, Acceptance, Action

Awareness

• Identify areas where you feel responsible for others' feelings.
• Notice heavy relationships and where you say "yes" to avoid saying "no".
• Practical tip: Track every time you use “I should” vs. “I want”.

“Every single fucking time you hear yourself say should, ask yourself whose voice, whose desires, whose responsibility is that, really?” (18:10)

Acceptance

• Separate responsibility from empathy; caring doesn't mean carrying another's feelings.
• “Their disappointment does not need to be your emergency.”

Action

• Tolerate feeling guilty; it’s a sign of growth, like exposure therapy.
• Re-anchor to values: “Does this decision violate my integrity and morals or just somebody else's feelings?”
• Practice repair only when guilt is valid (i.e., you violated your own code), not for others’ ongoing comfort.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Growth and Guilt:

  “Growth often feels like guilt at first. So when you set a boundary for the first time, you will feel guilty. When you choose yourself and not somebody else's feelings, you will feel guilty.” (21:04)

• On Separating Empathy and Responsibility:

  “You can care about someone's feelings without carrying them. Their disappointment does not need to be your emergency.” (20:14)

• On Living Authentically:

  "When we're controlled by guilt, we're not making decisions based on what's right. We're making them based on keeping everybody else comfortable. And that is honestly, it's, it is people pleasing disguised as good doing." (16:21)

• On Repair, Not Avoidance:

  “So when guilt is valid, when you actually did something that doesn't align with who you want to be, own it and repair the damage, but don't overcompensate by then allowing that guilt to make you succumb to that person's guilt and feelings thereafter.” (25:02)

• On the True Cost of Freedom:

  “The more that I sit with guilt, the more free I am. That's it. It is the cost of freedom. Because guilt isn't the enemy. It's actually a doorway into your own integrity with yourself if you have the courage to walk through it.” (26:39)

• Final Encouragement:

  “You are not a bad person for wanting what you want. You are worth and worthy of becoming who you want to be. And that is worth any discomfort that you must pay to get that for yourself.” (28:12)

Key Timestamps

• 00:01 – Episode opening, context, and motivation
• 04:37 – Realization about the impact of guilt on decisions
• 06:07 – The evolutionary role of guilt
• 07:23 – Healthy vs. unhealthy guilt defined
• 11:29 – Real-world example: repeated boundary setting
• 15:45 – The self-imposed prison of guilt
• 18:10 – Practical method: “should” vs. “want” for awareness
• 20:14 – Responsibility vs. empathy
• 21:04 – Growth as feeling guilt
• 25:02 – Repair vs. avoidance
• 26:39 – The cost of freedom
• 28:12 – Episode closing encouragement

Summary Conclusion

Leila Hormozi delivers a raw, practical, and actionable framework for understanding and utilizing guilt in our lives and businesses. Drawing from both research and her own leadership experience, Leila offers a template for moving from people-pleasing to value-driven authenticity. By recognizing, tolerating, and then thoughtfully acting on feelings of guilt, listeners can free themselves from the expectations of others—and, in the process, build not just unshakeable businesses, but unshakeable selves.